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Quotes for
Brighton Sheffield (Character)
from "The Nanny" (1993)

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"The Nanny: Smoke Gets in Your Lies (#1.1)" (1993)
Brighton Sheffield: He never has time for us.
Grace Sheffield: Maybe Daddy's seeing other children!
Fran Fine: Let's not be paranoid.
Grace Sheffield: I'm not paranoid... who said I was?

Maxwell Sheffield: What have you got to say in your defense?
Brighton Sheffield: I didn't inhale.
Maxwell Sheffield: That is the most pathetically lame excuse in the world.

Maxwell Sheffield: [rushing off to work, Brighton's repeating him] Brighton, don't be so smart,
[Gracie has her mouth stuffed with an orange piece]
Maxwell Sheffield: Gracie dear, take smaller bites, and Maggie
[Maggie has a towel over her head for an acne treatment]
Maxwell Sheffield: try to be a bit more outgoing.
Brighton Sheffield: Well, he's got my vote for Father of the Year.

Maxwell Sheffield: Brighton was caught smoking.
Yetta Rosenberg: Smoking? Bad!
Brighton Sheffield: But you smoke.
Yetta Rosenberg: Me it doesn't effect, I'm like a horse. But you know what smoking can do to you? Come, let's meet Ethel, phlegm in a hair net!
[drags Brighton off]
Brighton Sheffield: Oh no, not Ethel! Not Ethel!
[to Maxwell and Fran]
Brighton Sheffield: I swear I'll never smoke again! Oh God!

"The Nanny: Christmas Episode (#1.7)" (1993)
[for a Christmas present, Maxwell has given Brighton a bicycle kit, the bicycle which Brighton has to build himself]
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [about a gift for Brighton] He really wanted Cindy Crawford.
Brighton Sheffield: At least she's built.

[Grace, Brighton, Maggie and Niles are sitting in a row on a pew in a church, where they have to speak in hushed voices due to the solemnity of their surroundings]
Grace Sheffield: [to Brighton] Where's Fran going?
Brighton Sheffield: [to Maggie] Grace wants to know where Fran's gone.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [to Niles] What's with Fran?
Niles: [to Maggie] She's gone to confess.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [to Brighton with a confused look on her face] She went to play chess.
Brighton Sheffield: [to Grace] She went to undress.
[Grace is totally confused]

Maxwell Sheffield: [Fran's helping decorate the tree] Miss Fine, what do you think you're doing?
Fran Fine: I'm putting a tinsel on.
Brighton Sheffield: [gasps] Not before the lights!
Fran Fine: Did I make a faux pas?
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: Lights go on first, then ornaments, and tinsel is always last.
Grace Sheffield: Daddy's very anal about decorations.

"The Nanny: The Family Plumbing (#1.13)" (1994)
Showgirl: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Brighton Sheffield: A haltar top.

Niles: You may not look through the keyhole while your father is auditioning showgirls.
Brighton Sheffield: Why not?
Niles: That's where I'll be.

"The Nanny: The Bobbi Flekman Story (#5.3)" (1997)
Brighton Sheffield: [about a favor Fran helped him with] Oh, by the way, how can I thank you for getting Dad to say yes.
Fran Fine: [holding up the ring finger on her left hand] Get your Dad to say 'yes'.

Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: Brighton, you are so pathetic.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [to Fran] I mean, he walks around the house all day with his guitar and he doesn't even know how to play.
Brighton Sheffield: [to Maggie, in rebuttal] Hey, you wear a bra!
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [to Brighton, beat] Hey, at least I've seen one.

"The Nanny: The Whine Cellar (#2.10)" (1994)
Brighton Sheffield: [inhaling helium] My name is Maggie and I have no friends.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: Brighton, you're so immature.
Fran Fine: [also on helium] Yeah Brighton, you're so immature!

Yetta Rosenberg: Schmooie, come here. I'll introduce you to your Uncle Stanley
Yetta Rosenberg: just play along. Stan look, Schmooie! You haven't seen him since he was this big. He's being Bar Mitzvahed while you're on your cruise.
Uncle Stanley: Sorry we're going to miss it. This is from me and your Aunt Cookie
[gives him cash]
Uncle Stanley: .
Brighton Sheffield: Thank you very much!
Yetta Rosenberg: [to Brighton] We split everything 50/50.

"The Nanny: A Decent Proposal (#5.6)" (1997)
Brighton Sheffield: [about a beautiful woman who just walked by] Oh, now *that's* a real woman.
Fran Fine: Not the parts you're looking at, honey.

"The Nanny: Personal Business (#1.8)" (1993)
Brighton Sheffield: Does that mean she kicked him in the...
Maxwell Sheffield: Goodnight, Brighton!

"The Nanny: Imaginary Friend (#1.6)" (1993)
Brighton Sheffield: [Maggie is playing piano off-key with wrong notes; Niles is spray-cleaning; Fran is reading Tres Chic as Grace entertains herself with checkers and Brighton reads, but then throws magazine to couch and rushes to Fran, hands over his ears] Alright, alright, I confess - just make her stop playing; it's torture!
Fran Fine: [shakes head] You don't know what torture is. MY sister played the zither. Once my ears actually bled.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: My teacher says I have nimble fingers.
Niles: You know, sign language is an excellent hobby.
Grace Sheffield: [to no one] Okay, I'll do it myself.
Brighton Sheffield: [theatrically] Submitted for your approval: A girl who has a friend that isn't there. An imaginary friend, here in The Gracie Zone.
Fran Fine: Give her a break. She's only 6! When she invites and imaginary guy to the prom, we'll start worrying.
Grace Sheffield: I win! You want to go play hide-and-go-seek? Okay, you hide.
[covers her eyes; almost immediately uncovers them]
Grace Sheffield: Where did she go? She IS good!

"The Nanny: The Pre-Nup (#5.20)" (1998)
Fran Fine: B, what are you doing back? I thought you were going to go roller blading in the park?
Brighton Sheffield: Oh, I came back. I forgot a vital piece of equipment.
Fran Fine: What?
Brighton Sheffield: Something that protects a vital piece of equipment.

"The Nanny: You Bette Your Life (#4.23)" (1997)
Maxwell Sheffield: [about the charity auction] Look Miss Fine, this event won't interest you. No single men, no shrimp, and no stars will be there.
Brighton Sheffield: Well, what about Bette Midler? I thought she was coming.
[Fran gasps, and Brighton realizes he spilled the beans]
Brighton Sheffield: But I also thought I had an inheritance, but I'm probably wrong about that too.
Sylvia Fine: Oh, did I love Bette in First Wives Club. I really enjoyed that movie. I found a theatre that had real butter, not just that BS canola oil!
Fran Fine: [confronting Grace] Was the Divine Miss M in THIS house?
[Grace cringes and hangs her head in shame]
Fran Fine: [confronting Maxwell] Was she here the day I miraculously found that ticket for Victor/Victoria on the front stoop?
[Maxwell cringes with guilt]
Maxwell Sheffield: The auction's at eight. Dress formal.
Maxwell Sheffield: But I wasn't lying about the shrimp!

"The Nanny: The Morning After (#5.1)" (1997)
Brighton Sheffield: [about Niles] He's making me hold his sweaty ankles and he's wearing these really baggy shorts. Are you getting the picture here?

"The Nanny: My Fair Nanny (#1.2)" (1993)
[Fran is helping Brighton study for an exam]
Brighton Sheffield: I don't need to be a genius. I'm going to be a producer like Dad.

"The Nanny: Stock Tip (#2.9)" (1994)
Brighton Sheffield: Oh no! I look like Snap!
Fran: Val once dated a boy who looked like Crackle.
[to Niles]
Fran: Unfortunately, he popped too soon.

"The Nanny: Fran Gets Mugged (#2.26)" (1995)
Fran Fine: You know B, I love how you look in those glasses.
Brighton Sheffield: I'm really digging these glasses. I'm seeing some fine things that I've missed out on over the years.
[looking at Fran]
Brighton Sheffield: How old *are* you?
Fran Fine: Take those off, you look like Urkel!

"The Nanny: A Plot for Nanny (#1.10)" (1994)
Brighton Sheffield: I finished my homework, Dad.
Maxwell Sheffield: Oh, all right. Let's have a listen.
[Brighton stands to read his paper]
Brighton Sheffield: "The Civil War. The causes of the Civil War become clear when we view the United States as a big, dysfunctional family."
Maxwell Sheffield: Oh Gracie, I told you not to do your brother's homework.
Grace Sheffield: Five bucks is five bucks.
Maxwell Sheffield: Brighton, you can't just go through life paying people to do everything for you.
Brighton Sheffield: Dad, I've got two words for you: Niles, Fran.
Maxwell Sheffield: I've got two words for you: military, school.

"The Nanny: Franny and the Professor (#3.2)" (1995)
Brighton Sheffield: [testing Fran's TV knowledge] Channel 29, what follows "The Ghost & Mrs. Muir"?
Fran Fine: That would be "Family Affair", the episode where Mr. French accidentally drops Mrs. Beasley off the terrace, followed by "The Munsters" with Marilyn Number 2, followed by "Bewitched" with Darrin Number 1 but Mrs. Kravitz Number 2.
Maxwell Sheffield: Bravo, Miss Fine. You seem to know more about sixties television than most people your age have forgotten.
Fran Fine: Well, are you calling me old or just stupid?
Maxwell Sheffield: You have a childlike quality that I find absolutely charming.
Fran Fine: [to Niles] Childlike?
Niles: [translating] Just stupid.

"The Nanny: Schlepped Away (#1.15)" (1994)
Sylvia Fine: I've got a tongue in the freezer.
Brighton Sheffield: [to Fran] What did she say?

"The Nanny: Making Whoopi (#6.8)" (1998)
C.C. Babcock: [flirting] Heya Baby!
Niles: Hi Dumpling.
C.C. Babcock: Mmmmm you smell good today. What is that scent you're wearing?
Niles: Lemon Bowl Fresh. You're wearing those extra wide shoulder pads today.
C.C. Babcock: I'm not wearing any.
Niles: [intrigued] Better.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [to Brighton] Should we be worried about this?
Brighton Sheffield: [stunned] No, let them experiment. I hope it's just a phase.

"The Nanny: The Show Must Go On (#1.11)" (1994)
Brighton Sheffield: Niles, this steak is a little tough.
Niles: So is life... and then you die.

"The Nanny: The Cantor Show (#3.24)" (1996)
Brighton Sheffield: [to Fran and Niles] Dad and I are going to go see the Padres play the Mets. OK, see you guys.
[Brighton leaves the room as Maxwell enters]
Maxwell Sheffield: [to Fran and Niles] All right, well Brighton and I are off to see Pagliacci at the Met.
[Maxwell leaves the room]
Fran Fine: Oh, isn't this funny how people just hear what they want to hear.
Niles: Yes, one of the pitfalls of a big house.
Fran Fine: [excitedly] When did Brad Pitt call the house?

"The Nanny: Canasta Masta (#2.16)" (1995)
Brighton Sheffield: I think I'm going through the change.
Fran Fine: Don't worry, B., I'm sure Flintstones makes a chewable estrogen.

"The Nanny: The Nuchslep (#1.3)" (1993)
Maggie Sheffield: [about her first ever date] It was terrible. I didn't have anything to say. I sat there like a lump.
Brighton Sheffield: Well, so do mashed potatoes, and everybody likes them.

"The Nanny: The Fifth Wheel (#4.14)" (1997)
C.C. Babcock: I've got to hurry home and get on the internet. I met the most fabulous man online.
Fran Fine: Oh? What's his name?
C.C. Babcock: I don't know. We go by screen names. His is Porschepuppy.
Brighton Sheffield: [just coming into the conversation] YOU'RE goodandplenty?
C.C. Babcock: [sitting down on the stairs] I am so embarrassed! The things I said. The things he said... you know, he's got quite a vocabulary for a fifteen year old.
Niles: Oh cheer up. You should be happy someone's still interested in those old floppy disks.

"The Nanny: Deep Throat (#1.14)" (1994)
Fran Fine: Brighton, go over and get me some hangers from the old woman's closet.
Brighton Sheffield: She's asleep.
Fran Fine: So? She won't miss them.