Dr. Johnny Fever
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Quotes for
Dr. Johnny Fever (Character)
from "WKRP in Cincinnati" (1978)

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"WKRP in Cincinnati: Pilot: Part 1 (#1.1)" (1978)
[about changing the format of the station]
Dr. Johnny Fever: Ah, listen, you, you do mean *now*?
Andy Travis: Yes. And... you can say "booger" if you want to.
[he leaves]
Dr. Johnny Fever: Well, it's good-bye to the elevator music!
[gleefully flings an old record off a turntable and replaces it; then hesitates, looking at the playing record]
Dr. Johnny Fever: Do it!
[scratches the old record off]
Dr. Johnny Fever: All right, Cincinnati, it is time for this town to get *down*! Now, you got Johnny... Doctor Johnny Fever, and I am burnin' up in here! Whoo! Whoo! We all in critical condition, babies, but you can tell me where it hurts, because I got the healing prescription here from the big 'KRP musical medicine cabinet. Now I am talking about your 50,000 watt intensive care unit, babies! So just sit right down, relax, open your ears real wide and say, "Give it to me straight, Doctor, I can take it!"
[starts Ted Nugent's "Queen of the Forest", then puts on his sunglasses]
Dr. Johnny Fever: I almost forgot, fellow babies..."Booger!"

Dr. Johnny Fever: Boogerrrrrr!

Andy Travis: Sunshine. Haven't I heard of you?
Dr. Johnny Fever: You're not a cop, are ya?
Andy Travis: [shakes his head] Johnny Sunshine... Johnny Sunshine! I remember, yeah! It was Los Angeles in the late 60s, Johnny Sunshine Boss Jack! You were uh, you were very hot, man.
Dr. Johnny Fever: Yeah.
Andy Travis: Something happened there though. Station fired you for some reason.
Dr. Johnny Fever: Well, I'll tell you something, baby. They all fire ya sooner or later.
Andy Travis: Yeah, I know, but this was something that you uh, something you did.
Dr. Johnny Fever: Yeah, well, we all do things, right?
Andy Travis: Uh-huh. It was something that you said.
Dr. Johnny Fever: Yeah. "Booger."
Andy Travis: What?
Dr. Johnny Fever: I used the word "booger" on the air.
Andy Travis: That's right!
Dr. Johnny Fever: Yeah. I was making about a hundred grand a year out there. Then one day I said "booger," a bunch of bozos call the station, next thing I know I'm in Amarillo hosting a garden show.

Dr. Johnny Fever: [to Travis] So, what are you thinking of changing the format to?
Andy Travis: Oh, I dunno. I haven't really thought about it yet.
[as he says this, he clearly hangs a poster of the band Kiss on the wall]
Dr. Johnny Fever: [Sits up and takes notice] Um, you know about Carlson's mother, right?
Andy Travis: Yeah.
Dr. Johnny Fever: You're gonna love it in Amarillo.

Dr. Johnny Fever: [Repeated line to Andy] You mind of I...
[do something he just did already]

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Hoodlum Rock (#1.4)" (1978)
Blood: [the three members of Scum of the Earth have entered the dressing room, where Andy, Johnny and Venus are waiting for them] I suppose you've heard that the three of us have decided that we're not going on this evening.
Andy Travis: [going toe to toe with the band] Right. The three of us have decided that the three of you ARE going on this evening.
[Everyone looks at Johnny]
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: [shrugs] Well... for Rock and Roll.
[joins Andy and Venus]

[the band members have just thrown the bellboy out the window]
Blood: What floor are we on?
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Ground floor.
Blood: Pity!

Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Hey, ya oughta come out and see this, they're spraying the audience with a fire extinguisher!

Sir Charles 'Dog' Weatherbee: [Johnny's been charged with babysitting the band] They sent YOU here to watch us?
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Uh-huh.
Blood: Well who watches YOU then?
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Nobody, I'm a responsible adult.
Sir Nigel Weatherbee: We're not responsible, we're irresponsible!
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: I think you're boring!
Blood: We're NEVER boring. Watch this...
[knocks over a lamp]
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: I take it back, you're FASCINATING.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Turkeys Away (#1.7)" (1978)
Les Nessman: I'm here with hundreds of people who have gathered to witness what has been described as perhaps the greatest turkey event in Thanksgiving Day history. All we know for sure is that in a very few moments there are going to be a lot of happy people out here. Now the crowd is...
[passers-by gawk at Les]
Les Nessman: The... the crowd is uh... curious but well behaved. And I think I hear something now. Uh... The crowd is moving out into the parking area. And... oh yes! I can see it now. It's a... it's a... helicopter and it's coming this way!
Andy Travis: A helicopter?
Les Nessman: It's flying something behind it and I can't quite make it out. It's a large banner and it says H A P P Y... T H A N K S... giving... from W... K... R... P! What a sight, ladies and gentlemen. What a sight. The 'copter seems to circling the parking area now. I guess it's looking for a place to land. No! Something just came out of the back of a helicopter. It's a dark object, perhaps a skydiver plummeting to the earth from only two thousand feet in the air... There's a third... No parachutes yet... Those can't be skydivers. I can't tell just yet what they are but... Oh my God! They're turkeys! Oh no! Johnny can you get this? Oh, they're crashing to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! This is terrible! Everyone's running around pushing each other. Oh my goodness! Oh, the humanity! People are running about. The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Folks, I don't know how much longer... The crowd is running for their lives. I think I'm going to step inside. I can't stand here and watch this anymore. No, I can't go in there. Children are searching for their mothers and oh, not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this. I don't know how much longer I can hold my position here, Johnny. The crowd...
Dr. Johnny Fever: Les? Les? Les, are you there? Les isn't there. Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les. For those of you who've just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven.

Venus Flytrap: What do you suppose he's up to?
Dr. Johnny Fever: Carlson? I don't know. You should have been here for the big wig promotion.
Venus Flytrap: What happened?
Dr. Johnny Fever: Well, naturally, it didn't work, and we ended up with a warehouse full of wigs. Carlson, he couldn't figure out how to get rid of 'em until the Guatemalan earthquake.
Venus Flytrap: Say what?
Dr. Johnny Fever: Well, the Red Cross called out, you know, for blankets, clothes, anything. So Carlson, out of the goodness of his heart, shipped these destitute earthquake victims in Guatemala three thousand blonde stretch wigs. You know, I still have this picture in my mind of quake victims stumbling through the rubble - all looking like Dolly Parton.

Dr. Johnny Fever: [Mr. Carlson is inspecting Johnny in the DJ booth while Pink Floyd's "Dogs" is playing, specifically the section with the barking dogs] Gripping music, ain't it?
Arthur Carlson: Yeah, it's good. What is the name of this orchestra?
Dr. Johnny Fever: It's Pink Floyd.
Arthur Carlson: Oh. Is that Pink Floyd? Do I hear dogs barking on that thing?
Dr. Johnny Fever: I do.
Arthur Carlson: They're good, aren't they?
[Picks up the Animals album jacket]
Arthur Carlson: There's something on here that's called "Pigs On The Wing". What does that sound like?
Dr. Johnny Fever: I don't do requests.
Arthur Carlson: Well, keep up the good work.
Dr. Johnny Fever: I'm giving it all I've got.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: An Explosive Affair: Part 2 (#4.2)" (1981)
Andy Travis: [frantically, after the transmitter has blown up] Where is Venus? Where is Venus?
Dr. Johnny Fever: [out of breath] He's... He's...
Andy Travis: He's what?
Dr. Johnny Fever: ...parking the car!

Dr. Johnny Fever: [running past Jennifer's desk] You didn't see me! You didn't see me!

Les Nessman: [after the bomb has destroyed the transmitter] Johnny, Venus, you're alive?
Dr. Johnny Fever: The newsman's eye, you just can't fool it.
Les Nessman: [Sadly] That's wonderful?
Venus Flytrap: Gee, thanks Les.
Les Nessman: Of course, I'll have to update my story.
Venus Flytrap: Story!
Les Nessman: How'd you like it Andy?
Andy Travis: How'd I like what Les?
Les Nessman: My 4 o'clock news report, didn't you listen?
Andy Travis: Les, the transmitter blew up.
Les Nessman: Of course, that was my lead.
Dr. Johnny Fever: Wait a minute, you lead off your newscast by telling them that we were off the air?
Les Nessman: I can include that in my update.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Les on a Ledge (#1.3)" (1978)
Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: [after Herb fell off the ledge] I saw Herb this morning.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: How is he?
Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: Oh, he's a little doped up, but he'll be fine.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Same here.

Les Nessman: The doctor says that Herb can go home in a week.
Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: I know, I saw him too.
Les Nessman: Did he seem all right to you?
Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: As well as can be expected.
Les Nessman: Well, I think he must have hit that net head-first. He kept asking me the same question over and over again. This is pretty complicated, but he wanted to know: if a guy dates a girl who used to be a guy, but isn't anymore, what does that make the guy who dates the girl who used to be a guy?
[pause, Jennifer looks at Johnny]
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: That's a toughy.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Fish Story (#1.21)" (1979)
Officer Plyler: You keep drinking.
Dr. Johnny Fever: Okay, but I'mm not gonna get drunk.
Officer Plyler: Oh, yes, you are too. You'll see.
Venus Flytrap: He's from Mars, officer. Whiskey does not affect alien beings.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Bah, Humbug (#3.7)" (1980)
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: [Fever has taken the form of The Ghost of Christmas Future and explains to Mr. Carlson what happened to his fellow co-workers] One by one, you sort of forced all of them to quit. Bailey runs a television station in Chicago now. Andy is training guard dogs in New Mexico. Venus owns a clothing company, Upwardly Mobile. Jennifer got married and bought herself a whole island off the coast of Sardinia. And Les Nessman, Republican Wimp of the United States Senate.
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: And what about you and me? Uh, Fever and me.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Well, Fever just sort of disappeared. There were rumors of course, but not much else.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Commercial Break (#1.17)" (1979)
Andy Travis: OK, let me ask you this. Can't we do a cheap-o commercial? I mean, hire professional musicans, but maybe, sing the jingle ourselves?
Venus Flytrap: Can anyone around here sing?
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Any jerk can sing. These are the copy points that you gotta work in to it. OK, now: A: All weather floral arrangements.
Venus Flytrap: What does that mean?
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: That's a plastic flowers.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: B: Maintenance-free artificial turf.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Plastic Grass.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: C: They accept all major credit cards.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: That would be your plastic money.
Herbert 'Herb' Tarlek: Plus, six convenient locations, open weekends, all night hot line, group discount rates and free parking.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: An Explosive Affair: Part 1 (#4.1)" (1981)
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: [Andy has instructed Venus and Johnny to take some albums to the transmitter and go on the air from there] Well, go get those albums!
Venus Flytrap: Need I remind you that the cops are gonna search every inch of this place? Including your desk drawer?
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: [panicked, running to the bullpen] I'll get those albums!

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Hold Up (#1.5)" (1978)
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: You got some coffee here?
Del Murdoch: [speed-talking] Coffee we got it yeah not just for you either. Customers get the same treatment you'll see it's the kinda guy I am just don't touch anything though this is very important just don't touch the merchandise!
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Uh-huh. Speed kills, Del.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Johnny Comes Back (#1.14)" (1979)
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: [seeing baggie of cocaine in studio] What's that?
Doug Winner: [Johnny turns to Doug, seeing if he'll tell the truth] YOU tell him. You're dying to.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: It's... uh, foot powder, Mr. Carlson.
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: Foot powder, huh?
[takes baggie]
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: Not much there.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: It's REALLY potent. A little goes a long way. This is where the concept of 'happy feet' originated.
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: [removes shoe] I get these odor-eaters, supposed to last me six months? These suckers turn on me in 15 days.
[looks at Doug]
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: Can I get some of that?
Doug Winner: To put on your feet?
[nods to Carlson, who leaves studio... Doug, angry, now turns to Johnny]
Doug Winner: Man, that was 600 bucks worth of coke!
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Tough luck!
Doug Winner: [nervously] So... what do you think he'll do with it?
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Hey, Carlson's no fool man!
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: He's gonna put it on his feet!

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Filthy Pictures: Part 2 (#2.22)" (1980)
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: [a recap from the previous episodes which plays at the beginning of this one] This photographer of Herb's choosing somehow got nude photos of our Jennifer.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: How nude is she?
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: Oh, she's uh, nude nude.
Venus Flytrap: Isn't that against the law?
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: Apparently not. The leases were signed, the Attorney says that we can fight it, but the pictures are probably gonna get published no matter what happens.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: I suggest we Watergate.
Venus Flytrap: Are you nuts? Breaking and entering is a felony!
Andy Travis: We get caught, we could go to jail.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Yeah, and that's the part of the plan that I don't like.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Jennifer's Home for Christmas (#2.11)" (1979)
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Do you know how hard it is to find a two-pound turkey?

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Bailey's Show (#1.6)" (1978)
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Hi, Hy.
Dr. Hyman Monroe: Hi.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Hy...
Dr. Hyman Monroe: Hi.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Hy... maybe I should just call you Dr. Monroe.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Pilot: Part 2 (#1.2)" (1978)
Andy Travis: Got any ideas?
Dr. Johnny Fever: No, I try not to have any ideas. They only lead to complications. Suppose I give you a great idea. Let's suppose that this great idea works and the station actually starts making a lot of money. Do you know what that can lead to, Andy? Memos. Before you know it, assigned parking spaces. Then chrome furniture, and lots of paintings of wistful children with big eyes. Believe me, I've seen it happen before!
Andy Travis: All right, don't get all shook up, you don't have to help.
Dr. Johnny Fever: But don't you see? No one should!

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Clean Up Radio Everywhere (#3.22)" (1981)
Andy Travis: Half the time you can't even hear the lyrics.
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: Well, these people, these CURB monitors, they figured out the lyrics.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: They sure did! Boy, I can see 'em now, huddled there in the corner of the church, playing every record slower and slower... then suddenly, "There's a naughty word!"

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Tornado (#1.12)" (1979)
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: [recounting his boyhood experience with a tornado] God... must... HATE... mobile homes! - They get VERY mobile!

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Never Leave Me, Lucille (#1.15)" (1979)
Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: Hi guys!
Andy Travis: Oh, what's your sign?
Venus Flytrap: You live around here, mama?
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Want a little action, sugar?
Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: Well, Les, don't you have an opening line?
Les Nessman: [Looks uneasy, then sits down an picks up a drink] Hi, I'm extremely wealthy.
Jennifer Elizabeth Marlowe: Ooh.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Up and Down the Dial (#4.22)" (1982)
Mama Carlson: Dr. Fever, in every business, there are not pluses and minuses, but pluses and pluses... but only if the minuses are played correctly.
[Fever looks at Mama Carlson, bewildered]
Mama Carlson: You don't understand, and I don't expect you to...
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: [interrupting] No. No, I understand. This is so deeply warped that even I can make sense of it. KRP is not supposed to make money! We're set up to lose! That's our job.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: The Union (#4.3)" (1981)
Andy Travis: These things take time.
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Spoken like a true, crypto-fascist, puppet of the managerial elite. Travis, I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror.
Andy Travis: Well, I like looking at myself in the mirror.

"WKRP in Cincinnati: Love Returns (#1.8)" (1978)
Bailey Quarters: [to Johnny, about the 'win a date with a DJ' contest] Look at all this mail, you can't back out now! Venus, you talk to him.
Venus Flytrap: Sure. Hey, Johnny man, it's no big deal. See, all you have to do is pick out a lady, and the station picks up the tab for the whole night!
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Forget it!
Venus Flytrap: C'mon man, I've done it before and I've always come out with a fox!
Johnny 'Dr. Fever' Caravella: Yeah, I've done it before too. I always wind up with a warthog!
Venus Flytrap: You just got to know how to pick 'em, brother! Lemme see some of those cards, Bailey. Now, listen to this. "I'd like a date with a DJ because my mother always said I was clever and a good conversationalist." Not good.
Bailey Quarters: No wait a minute...
Venus Flytrap: [tossing the card] Trust me.
[reads another]
Venus Flytrap: "I've always wanted to find out what's behind that sexy voice I hear every night." Heh heh. This is what we'll call the "A" pile. Now. "I don't know if it's against the law in Ohio, but what I'd really like to do is..."
Venus Flytrap: No, that's the "B" pile. *This* is the "A" pile.
[tucks the card into his jacket]