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Quotes for
Rochester (Character)
from "The Jack Benny Program" (1950)

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Buck Benny Rides Again (1940)
[Jack is soaked]
Rochester: Is it rainin' outside?
Jack Benny: No, Rochester, I was eating a grapefruit and it got out of control.

[last lines]
Rochester: Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

"The Jack Benny Program: Jack Dreams He's Married to Mary (#4.8)" (1954)
Rochester Van Jones: [brings in groceries] I think next week I'm going to have to shop at a different market.
Jack Benny: Why? What's wrong with our regular market?
Rochester Van Jones: Well, you know how they always charge less for cans that are bent?
Jack Benny: Yeah?
Rochester Van Jones: Well, this morning they caught me bending them.

Jack Benny: [admiring a photo] What a dollface! Such a beautiful complexion, lovely lips, sparkling eyes...
Rochester Van Jones: Yeah, boss. That's the best picture you ever had taken.
Jack Benny: I'm looking at Miss Livingston, for heaven sake! How could I say that about my picture?
Rochester Van Jones: Without your glasses on, you could say that about a garbage truck.

The Mouse That Jack Built (1959)
Jack: [singing] Oh, Rochester?
Rochester: [singing] Yes, Boss?
Jack: [singing] Where's my new white jacket?
Rochester: [singing] I'm wearing it.
Jack: Not any more, you're not.
Rochester: But boss, I rented it from you for a week for five bucks.
Jack: The week was up five minutes ago. Now bring it here.
Rochester: Oh, okay, Boss.
Jack: It's Miss Livingston's birthday, and I'm taking her out.
[Jack puts on the jacket and a blue bow tie]
Rochester: Mmm mmm! What that tie does for those baby blue eyes.
Jack: [Looking in a mirror] They are nice, aren't they?

Mary: Where's Mr. Benny?
Rochester: Down in the cheese vault, counting out his cheese.
Mary: Oh, no. Not again?

"The Jack Benny Program: Railroad Station Program (#8.14)" (1958)
Rochester Van Jones: Oh, by the way Boss, the man from the pet shop called and the cheapest he'll be able to take care of the parrot for is 75 cents a day.
Jack Benny: Oh, I meant to tell you, I took Polly someplace else.
Rochester Van Jones: You did?
Jack Benny: Yeah, well here, put this in the drawer so it won't get lost. When we get home, I'll need this to get Polly back.
Rochester Van Jones: Boss, a pawn ticket?
Jack Benny: She'll be well fed and taken care of. That's the law.

Rochester Van Jones: Uh oh!
Jack Benny: What's the matter?
Rochester Van Jones: I can't fasten the suitcase, the lock is broken.
Jack Benny: Go out on the back porch and bring some rope.
Rochester Van Jones: Yes
Jack Benny: You know, Don, I'm going to take my violin with me because I'll... you know I'll have three days on the train to practice.
Rochester Van Jones: Say boss, on second thought, if you gonna play your violin, we'd better not have any rope around.

Man About Town (1939)
Bob Temple: Use a little imagination, Rochester. What would you order if you wanted to make an impression?
Rochester: How about fish and chips and a couple of bottles of gin?

Bob Temple: Rochester, you never ask a titled lady for her phone number. We just had lunch.
Rochester: Man, that's like readin' one page and throwin' away the book.

"The Jack Benny Program: Johnnie Ray Show (#4.4)" (1953)
Jack Benny: [looking for eggs in refrigerator] Oh, yeah. Well, they couldn't have been in here very long. One of the eggs is still warm.
Rochester Van Jones: Put on your glasses. You've got the light bulb.

"The Jack Benny Program: Rochester Falls Asleep, Misses Program (#6.11)" (1956)
Jack Benny: Look, Rochester, if you must sleep during a television show, why does it have to be mine? Why don't you sleep when - when Bob Hope is on?
Rochester Van Jones: I tried that, but the laughs kept waking me up.
Jack Benny: Oh, the laughs kept waking you up, but during my show tonight...
Rochester Van Jones: - Slept like a baby.

"The Jack Benny Program: Massage and Date with Gertrude (#6.2)" (1955)
Jack Benny: Boy, I could sure use a massage. You know, these television shows - they're hard work.
Rochester Van Jones: Yeah, it's tough on both of us.
Jack Benny: What do you mean "both of us"?
Rochester Van Jones: Boss, you only tell the jokes. I have to sit out there and laugh at 'em.

"The Jack Benny Program: Main Street Shelter (#11.25)" (1961)
Jack Benny: [describing Main Street Shelter] You know, Rochester, it really got me when I saw that place. You know, there were broken tables, and backless chairs, no rugs on the floor, no heat, no glass in the windows. You know what I mean?
Rochester Van Jones: I should - you just described my room.

"The Jack Benny Program: Jack Dives Into Empty Swimming Pool in Palm Springs (#6.12)" (1956)
Jack Benny: Everyday it's work, work, work, and I don't know - what does it get us?
Rochester Van Jones: Nothin' but money. I got plenty of nothin', and you've got plenty of money.

"The Jack Benny Program: Jack Takes Violin Lessons (#14.20)" (1964)
Jack Benny: I don't think I know any Dr. Johnson. Look, the one who treated me for the flu was Dr. Allen and then for my sinus, I had Dr. Miller, then that time my knee went out of joint, I had Dr. Smith. Wait a minute, who... who took out my appendix?
Rochester Van Jones: I did.
Jack Benny: Oh yes - - yeah that's when my knee went out of joint.

"The Jack Benny Program: Liberace Show (#4.7)" (1954)
[first lines]
Rochester Van Jones: [speaking on phone] Hello, Mr. Benny's dressing room - star of stage, screen and radio, and right now he's in front of the cameras trying to convince television.

"The Jack Benny Program: Jack Followed Home (#12.7)" (1961)
Rochester Van Jones: What's the matter, Boss?
Jack Benny: Rochester, I just answered the phone. Who was ever on the other end hung up!
Rochester Van Jones: How do you know they hung up?
Jack Benny: How do I know? I heard the click. I distinctly heard the sound of a click.
Rochester Van Jones: Well, maybe they were using a payphone, and that sound you heard was the dropping of a dime.
Jack Benny: [scoffs] Oh, the dropping of a dime - I've known that sound since I was two years old.