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Quotes for
Helen Chapel (Character)
from "Wings" (1990)

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"Wings: There Once Was a Girl from Nantucket (#1.5)" (1990)
Helen Chapel: Brian, maybe you should -
Jimmy: Yeah, Brian, maybe you should.

"Wings: Sons and Lovers (#7.13)" (1996)
Roy Biggins: My son is gay, Helen. You expect me to be proud of that?
Helen: Oh, Roy, you don't have to be proud of it, but you can *accept* it.
Roy Biggins: ...And what if I can't?
Helen: [pauses] You haven't seen your son in 5 years, right?
Roy Biggins: Yes.
Helen: Did you miss him?
Roy Biggins: [Sadly] Yes.
Helen: Well... get used to it.

"Wings: 2 Good 2 Be 4 Gotten (#5.9)" (1993)
Joe Montgomery Hackett: [after finding a teddy bear hanging by a noose over his desk] What did I tell you? Sandy is crazy! Maybe you'll believe me now!
Helen Chapel: Yeah, Joe's right. This is pretty weird.
Brian Michael Hackett: Let's not jump to any conclusions, okay? This could be a suicide. Check the bear for signs of a struggle.
Alex Lambert: Maybe we should call the police.
Brian Michael Hackett: Yeah, because if we stand here and do nothing, then another innocent stuffed toy could get whacked.
Helen Chapel: Brian...
Joe Montgomery Hackett: Yeah, c'mon - this is not funny! We gotta do something!
Alex Lambert: Now, first things first. I think we should... notify the bear's next-of-kin.
Helen Chapel: How can you two kid around at a time like this?
Joe Montgomery Hackett: Thank you, Helen!
Helen Chapel: A bear has died!

"Wings: Sleepless in Nantucket (#5.19)" (1994)
Roy Biggins: Isn't half the fun of being single the thrill of the hunt? Making eye contact with a woman across the room. Wondering if she's as hot for you as you are for her. Wondering if...
Helen Chapel: [interrupting Roy] she'll take a check or insist on cash?
Roy Biggins: Let me tell you something, Roy Biggins doesn't pay for it. The Roy Biggins corporation does.

"Wings: It's So Nice to Have a Mather Around the House (#4.7)" (1992)
Alex Lambert: I'd rather be alone than with that loser we met tonight.
Helen Chapel: What was that on his head? A toupee or a piece of sod?
Alex Lambert: I want that guy's mirror, you know? The one that talks back to him and says, "Hey! Looking good!"

"Wings: Joe Blows: Part 1 (#5.7)" (1993)
Joe Montgomery Hackett: Sir, it took me some doing, but here it is. Here's your briefcase. Look, I'm really very sorry that you had a bad experience with Sandpiper and I'd like the chance to make it up to you. So, if you ever decide to fly with us again, that flight's on the house, okay?
Luggage Man: [Glances at briefcase] It's scratched.
Joe Montgomery Hackett: What?
Luggage Man: There's a scratch on it, right here, and it wasn't there before. I'm filing a damage claim. Somebody's going to pay for this, and it's *not* going to be me.
Joe Montgomery Hackett: [laughing] Well, that's not a problem, sir! There's no need to file a report. Here, come with me; I've got just the thing for you. I am going to take your briefcase and put it through our special scratch remover!
[Throws briefcase through office door]
Joe Montgomery Hackett: You can collect your bags right through there! Thank you for flying Sandpiper!
Joe Montgomery Hackett: All right, Scotty, where were we? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, you were, uh, asking me about my life.
[Takes map of Nantucket off of Roy's wall]
Joe Montgomery Hackett: I think that right here is pretty much everything you need to know.
[Points at map]
Joe Montgomery Hackett: This is Nantucket. I was born here, I live here, and I am probably gonna die here.
[Throws map]
Brian Michael Hackett: Joe, take it easy! Relax!
Joe Montgomery Hackett: Relax? I can't relax! If I relax, who's gonna try to keep this damn airline in business? Certainly not you. No, you're too busy wrestling with life's greater problems, like your recent bout with mediocre sex.
Brian Michael Hackett: Little louder, Joe, I don't think everybody heard you.
Roy Biggins: No, I can hear fine, thanks.
Helen Chapel: [after Joe knocks a stool over at the lunch counter] Joe, stop it!
Joe Montgomery Hackett: No, YOU stop it, Helen! You stop coming to me every time you have a problem with your boyfriend! Did it ever occur to you that I am alone here, and maybe I don't wanna hear about it? I am SICK of everyone running to me everytime they have a problem. Faye has a crisis, run to Joe; Antonio wants to buy a new cab, run to Joe; Roy wants to gloat, run to Joe. Well, where do *I* run to? Where do *I* go? Where do I go, when my dream of flying jets turns into the nightmare of being a baggage handler, huh? SOMEBODY tell me. Where do I go... when it finally dawns on me that my life SUCKS?

"Wings: Roy Crazy (#5.21)" (1994)
Helen: Joe, you've gotta help me! That kid's been staring at me for hours!
Joe Hackett: He's got a crush on you. What do you want me to do?
Helen: Tell him take a hike! Tell him to beat it! Kick his weirdo butt outta here! I would, but I'm too nice!
Joe Hackett: Helen, I'm not gonna break his heart. Besides, who can blame him?
[imitating Mark]
Joe Hackett: You got the kind of spatulas that drive men wiiiild!

"Wings: As Fate Would Have It (#3.22)" (1992)
Helen Chapel: What the hell's this 'transponder' he keeps talking about?
Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: It's a transmitter that sends out a constant homing signal so that, in the event of a crash, they'll be sure to find us.
Helen Chapel: And if we don't have one?
Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Well, what's the nautical equivalent of 'needle in a haystack?'