Leon Black
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Quotes for
Leon Black (Character)
from "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (2000)

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"Curb Your Enthusiasm: The TiVo Guy (#6.7)" (2007)
Doctor: Based on your signs and symptoms, when you twisted your body, your testicles got ensnared in the fly of your underwear, which acted like a noose, and it caused scrotal hematoma and contusion.
Leon Black: Twisted balls.
Doctor: In layman's terms, yes. It's...
Leon Black: Twisted balls.
Doctor: It's not as bad as it sounds. It's a bruising, which will probably last about a week or so.
Larry David: Oh, OK.
Doctor: But, I would definitely recommend switching to a style of underwear with no fly.
Larry David: No Fly Zone? Is that what you're telling me? I'm not wearing that underwear. OK?
Leon Black: You gotta do it, man. You got long balls, Larry. Long balls. You've got long-ass balls.
Larry David: I've got long balls?
Leon Black: Doc, you've seen his balls, right?
Larry David: Would you say my balls were unusually long?
Doctor: They're a bit more distended than the average testicles.
Leon Black: You got long-ass balls, Larry. "Long Ball Larry." That's your new name.
Larry David: [incredulously] Long balls. Who the hell knew?
Leon Black: Long balls. Change your drawers.

"Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Anonymous Donor (#6.2)" (2007)
Leon Black: Well what kinda cum was it, first of all?
Larry David: What do you mean, "What kinda cum?" Cum is cum.
Leon Black: Cum is not cum, Larry.
Larry David: Cum is cum.
Leon Black: Well, it couldn't have been mine. You know why? Cuz I gets mines, Larry. I brings the ruckus to the ladies.

"Curb Your Enthusiasm: Vehicular Fellatio (#7.2)" (2009)
Leon Black: Ass is Ass, Larry.
Larry David: Ass is not ass.
Leon Black: Ass is ass.
Larry David: Well, you don't have to tap every ass!

"Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Table Read (#7.9)" (2009)
Michael Richards: So Duberstein, that's a Jewish name right?
Leon: Yes it is! I was adopted by some lovely Jews.
Michael Richards: And you were Bar Mitzvahed?
Leon: Oh yeah, three times! The last time was a few months ago in Atlantic City.
Michael Richards: But I thought you only got Bar Mitzvahed once, you know, when you're 13 years old.
Leon: No, No, No-No, You misunderstood, it's once every thirteen years. You gotta recharge the Mitzva! So the Mitzvas are kinda full. Capacity! At full mitzva capacity!
Michael Richards: So, tell me about the groats?
Leon: Well... Everything I ate tasted like peaches. And I forgot how to multiply. I could subtract, but I couldn't multiply. If I'm fucking 6 women 3 times a day, 7 days a week, how many times per week am I fucking? Was it 10? Was it 130? Was it 16? I was tripping out.
Michael Richards: whew, that's some weird stuff.
Leon: You tellin' me. Danny Duberstein is good at two things - -that's math and fucking.