Edward 'Eddie' Winslow
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Quotes for
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow (Character)
from "Family Matters" (1989)

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"Family Matters: Mama's Wedding (#4.19)" (1993)
[Carl has just gotten wind of Eddie's plans to have a flier party. This causes Steve, Waldo and Weasel to leave and Eddie laughs nervously]
Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, who are all these kids?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Caterer trainees.
Carl Otis Winslow: Try again.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Fletcher has a bigger family then we thought.
Carl Otis Winslow: Why not try the truth!
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. Me and the guys were going to have a flyer party next Saturday when you go out of town. But Waldo messed up and put the wrong date on the flyers. All these people think the party is tonight.
[the photographer takes a snap shot of Eddie nerously laughing as Carl drives him away]
Carl Otis Winslow: All right. Right now we're going to have a wedding, but directly after that we're going to have a funeral.
[Grabs Eddie]

[Runs to Eddie]
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! The nuptuals have developed a slight snafu.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's wrong?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You remember our flyer party, the one that I'm clearly on record as totally aganst.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah? What about it, Steve.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [He walks towards Eddie and pulls out a folded flyer he took out of his pant pocket. Then he unfolds it] Well Tell me again. Refresh my memory. When is that party supposed to be.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Next Saturday.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. Waldo put today's date on the flyer. Right now you have over a 100 crazed teenagers in your backyard ready to boogie.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What?
[Runs with Steve to confront Waldo and Weasel]

[Eddie tries to flirt with a cute girl, unaware that Carl is behind him]
Carl Otis Winslow: Edward.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [nervous laughter] Great Wedding, huh dad.
Carl Otis Winslow: You know son, if Screwing Up ever became an Olympic event. You would win the gold.
[pulls him away]
Carl Otis Winslow: 150 extra people on what should've been a small family affair. Now can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't ground you for the rest of your life.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: We took in $2,000 dad and we want you to have it.
Carl Otis Winslow: [Takes the money from Eddie] I love you son. You're a fine man.You'll be spending the month of May in your room, but you're a fine young man.

Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Waldo!
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Was'sup.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How could you mess this up?
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Hey, cut me some slack. I only got the date wrong on one flyer. My mom's the one who really messed up. She xeroxed it over and over and over and over and...
[Steve covers his mouth for one second. then removes his hand]
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: ...over and over and over.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Tries to hold Eddie from pounding their friends] Eddo. Eddo. Eddo. Easy Eddo.
Weasel: Yeah chill. Let eserviate on the bright side.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Bright side? What bright side, Weasel?
Weasel: [pulls out a lot of cash from his pockets] Look at this $1500 dead presidents and the homies are still coming in.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah, well you have to get rid of them. This is my grandmother's wedding and... $1500. No. No. No. This isn't right Weasel. These kids are gonna ruin everything, they have to go.
Weasel: Hey loosen up, Eduardo. Look I clued everybody in. We all stand nice and quiet until Gramps and Granny make it legal. Then we par-tay, see no problem.
Carl Otis Winslow: [Has just gotten wind of Eddie's flyer party] Edward!
Weasel: Problem.

Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Waldo, You make up 1,000 flyers
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: But I'll get writer's cramp
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It!

"Family Matters: Jailhouse Blues (#3.15)" (1992)
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [driving off] Would you relax, Steve? Clarence has under control. Besides it's just a joy ride what could go wrong?
[Eddie, Clarence and Steve are arrested by the police for theft.]

Halawna, Oneisha: [pop up in the car Clarence stole] Surprise!
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [shocked] And he brought hooters!
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: That's hotties, Steve.

Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yo Easy, you'll be crashing in my room.
Clarence: A-B-C ya!
Rachel Crawford: X-Y-Z ya!

Clarence: Yo, E-man, Chicago got any women?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh yeah. I know all the babes. They can't keep their hands off me.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: That's true! Eddo's been slapped more times than a piñata!

"Family Matters: The Mama Who Came to Dinner (#1.1)" (1989)
Carl Otis Winslow: [fishing for the catch of a party Eddie wants to go to] Are his parents going to be there?
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Yes.
Carl Otis Winslow: Beer?
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: No.
Carl Otis Winslow: Girls?
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: No.
Carl Otis Winslow: Till when?
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Two.
Carl Otis Winslow: Bingo! Book him.

Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: The party doesn't start until 9 and my curfew's at 10.
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That stinks. That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up.
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: That's what I said, but Dad still said no.
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Don't you worry, I'll work on him. Your grandma is gonna fight for your right to party.

Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [told he can't go to the party] You mean I was nice for nothing? That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house.
Harriette Winslow: [gives him a tray of drinks] Here, take these with you.
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Yes, Mom.

"Family Matters: Rock Video (#1.22)" (1990)
Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family!

Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Think hip, think cool, think fresh.
Rachel Crawford: Anything else?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah, think fast, we need it by tomorrow.
Rachel Crawford: Think hip, think cool, think fresh. I got ideas so fresh, I haven't even thought of them yet.

Carl: Maybe you can even resurrect your band.
Eddie: No, Kyle's gone solo and Jerry went with him.

"Family Matters: Tips for a Better Life (#7.16)" (1996)
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [Seeing Eddie all packed, and ready] Sorry Eddie, but You can't move in with Me!
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What?
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I figured I'd wait til Your arms were full, so You couldn't hit Me!

Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [Upon getting a lecture from His Dad about drinking at Frat Parties] Geez Dad, why do You always have to do this to Me?
Carl Otis Winslow: Do what?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Mimic Me, build walls around Me, and making Me feel...
Carl Otis Winslow: [Irritably] Edward this is not about walls!... this is about "rules", and drinking will only take You down a road that leads to a dead end!

"Family Matters: Ice Station Winslow (#2.14)" (1991)
[Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed boobs. He's fanning his hace with a plate as Eddie walks in]
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Hey Steve, Was'sup?
Steve Urkel: My Blood pressure. A few minutes ago, I just saw Laura and I fanted.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why?
Steve Urkel: Why? Weel Good Lord man, she's an overnight success story. Why she is woman, hear me roar.

Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, when are we leaving?
Carl: What are you talking about? We're having big fun here.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told?
Carl: Are you implying that you're not having a good time?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [Stands up] Dad, I'm not implying. I'm telling you straight out, I hate this.
Carl: [Stands up and faces Eddie] Why?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well for one thing, I can't feel my toes.
Steve Urkel: Uh-oh, Mr.Frostbite. Oh when he shows up, it's amputation time.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh great, I'm gonna lose my toes.
Steve Urkel: Well the good news is, my dad will do the operation for you. The bad news is, he'll charge you an arm and a leg.
[laughs and snorts]

"Family Matters: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Urkel (#4.10)" (1992)
[At The Winslow home in the alternate world]
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I'm flat broke, dad. Can you give me some money so I can finish my Christmas shopping?
Carl Otis Winslow: [Grabs his wallet] How much do you need?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well now that depends, how nice of a Christmas gift do you want.
Carl Otis Winslow: I'll tell you what son, why not give me cash for Christmas.
[Puts his money back into his wallet]
Carl Otis Winslow: Thanks for the present son.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal.
Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? He finished his Christmas shopping weeks ago and never asked me for a penny.
[Steve Winslow comes down the stairs]
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Edward! I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids
Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son.
[Faces Eddie]
Carl Otis Winslow: Look at him, charming, handsome, popular. Steve is the perfect son.
Laura Lee Winslow: [Faces Ty] Steve is my brother?
Ty: No, he's Eddie's brother. Remember you wished that Steve could find out what's it like to be you. Now you're going to find out what it's like to be Steve Urkel.
[Laura walks in the door dressed up in a stereotypical nerd fashion. Steve is embarrassed that he didn't walk out the door faster. Carl and Eddie are also shocked too]
Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows!

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura!
Laura Lee Winslow: Alright!
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What're you so happy about? He just told you to get lost.
Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!'
[to Steve]
Laura Lee Winslow: I'm wearing you DOWN, baby!

"Family Matters: Beta Chi Guy (#6.5)" (1994)
Eddie Winslow: [at the frat party] Steve, why are you wearing a toga?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why aren't you? For that matter... why isn't everybody?

Laura Lee Winslow: You're lucky, you got into a great fraternity... and all it cost you was your best friend.
Eddie Winslow: Steve told you?
Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. I could hear him sobbing in his suspension chamber.

"Family Matters: Hot Stuff (#4.22)" (1993)
Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Just as I thought. It seems the guy that you purchased your stereo equipment from didn't want you to fill in any important paper work.
Eddie: What do you mean Steve?
Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked.

"Family Matters: Best Friends (#5.6)" (1993)
[Waldo has just given Eddie a list of IOU at Mighty Weenie]
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts?
[Waldo nods as Eddie goes to the next name]
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Willie Makeit?
[Waldo nods as Eddie goes to the last one]
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: DAN DRUFF?
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh don't worry they promised to come back tomorrow.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Waldo heads into the kitchen as Steve emerges] You o.k., Eddo?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: No. I think I'm gonna have to fire Waldo, Steve.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend.
[the oven explodes from the kitchen and Waldo emerges]
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I think we're gonna need a new stove and a floor to put it on.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll miss Waldo.

"Family Matters: The Naked and the Nerdy (#7.2)" (1995)
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [not knowing Steve and Laura saw each other naked] All right, chicken. I'm starved. Hey Steve, would you like a breast?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No thanks, Eddie.
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Then how 'bout a nice juicy thigh?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Would you shut your filthy mouth!

"Family Matters: Bowl Me Over (#1.21)" (1990)
Laura: He started it.
Eddie: How did I start it?
Laura: By being born first. You got the whole family off on the wrong foot.

"Family Matters: Muskrat Love (#4.11)" (1993)
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Weasel, you are the last person who should be giving me advice about girls. Because check this out buddy, you're alone.
Weasel: Just temporarily.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl. But you know what, I find her very attractive. Let me tell you something though Weasel. If all you ever look for is the float with Miss America on it, then the whole parade is going to pass you by.
Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for?
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I'm missing the parade.

"Family Matters: Dumb Belle of the Ball (#9.3)" (1997)
Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money.
Myrtle Urkel: Oh, how true, how true! Old money has more wrinkles!
Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [gasps and leaves]
Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [laughing] Good one, Myrtle!

"Family Matters: Good Cop, Bad Cop (#5.15)" (1994)
Harriette Winslow: [Eddie got pulled over by the cops, and a ticket] What was the problem?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Failure to signal.
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I got one of those once, did you know the sidewalk isn't a passing lane?

"Family Matters: Fast Eddie Winslow (#2.12)" (1990)
Rodney Beckett: Can I hurt him?
Eddie: Not in the house.
Rodney Beckett: Steve, come on outside. I wanna show you something.
Steve Urkel: Wa-uh!

"Family Matters: An Officer and a Waldo (#4.7)" (1992)
Sergeant Shishka: Urkel, Winslow, you are not on my list of new recruits.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh well...
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean to tell me that the Army screwed up the paper work again. Gosh I bet that's never happened before.
Sergeant Shishka: Don't insult my Army. I love my Army. I'll take this up later with the Lieutenant.

"Family Matters: Citizen's Court (#3.6)" (1991)
Eddie: That thing is so ugly.
Steve Urkel: Shh. Pablo's bilingual!
Waldo: Excuse me, but I don't wanna hear about a bug's sex life.

"Family Matters: The Big Fix (#1.17)" (1990)
Eddie: What's that?
Steve Urkel: 'Standardized Urkel Elementary Math Exam'. It helps to determine how much help you need. Okay, first question. What do you get when you multiply a negative by a negative?
Eddie: A really big negative?
Steve Urkel: Uh-oh. Second question. Three times X equals six. What is the value of X?
Eddie: [chuckling] I know this one! It's either a number or a letter! Ha ha!
Steve Urkel: Whoa. This has never happened before.
Eddie: I did good, huh?
Steve Urkel: You didn't even make it onto the chart!

"Family Matters: A Test of Friendship (#3.14)" (1992)
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I was thinking you could help me during the test.
Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I prefer to call it sharing.
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Well I for one am appalled.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why are you upset, Waldo?
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that.
[Puts his jacket on and heads to the Door]
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them!
[He leaves the house]
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You know, I never thought I'd see the day that I actually agreed with Waldo Geraldo Faldo.

"Family Matters: Robo-Nerd (#3.7)" (1991)
Steve Urkel: Have you guys seen Laura?
Eddie: Nope.
Waldo: Sure you have. Pretty girl, dark hair... your sister for God's sake!
Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today.
Waldo: Ohh... Cool.

"Family Matters: Born to Be Mild (#3.9)" (1991)
Eddie: Only wimps give in to pain.
Harriette: Come on, sweetie, let's get you home and then I can put some antiseptic on those cuts.
Eddie: Mom, that stuff stings!

"Family Matters: Robo-Nerd II (#3.23)" (1992)
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yo, Waldo, how do I look?
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: With your eyes!

"Family Matters: Don't Make Me Over (#9.19)" (1998)
Eddie: [after he has heard her quickly renouncing her love for him] Myrtle, what's my life going to be like without you in it?
Myrtle Urkel: Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn.
[Myrtle leaves and Eddie is depressed]

"Family Matters: Till Death Do Us Apartment (#6.3)" (1994)
[Waldo and Maxine are dancing to R&B music and professing their love for each other. While a miserable Eddie has to play checkers with Steve. Urkel defeats him]
Steve Urkel: King me. How about the next round we switch colors?
[Eddie groans as Carl walks in to brighten his mood]
Eddie: Dad?
Carl: Hi son, i was thinking if we...
Eddie: Yes we can!
[Eddie leaves with Carl to hang out with him. Undaunted, Steve switches the station to polka music and ends up having a good time dancing with Waldo and Maxine]

"Family Matters: Rumor Has It (#4.4)" (1992)
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's the matter? What's the matter? You stand there with your bare face hanging out and have the *nerve* to ask me, "What's the matter?"

"Family Matters: Cousin Urkel (#2.8)" (1990)
[Steve and Carl are playing Gin Rummy when an infuriated, Eddie and Laura come into the house.]
Laura Lee Winslow: It was just a little practical joke.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well it wasn't funny. How would you like it if I put Jheri Curl in your deodorant?

"Family Matters: Aunt Oona (#5.23)" (1994)
Harriette Winslow: So Oona... how are things in Altoona?
Aunt Oona: Well... not good, my kitchen exploded.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How'd that happen?
Aunt Oona: The gas pipe broke when my living room flooded.
Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, well how did that happen?
Aunt Oona: The water main snapped when the roof collapsed.
Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah but if you...
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Forget it, Carl, it's quicksand.

"Family Matters: Taking Credit (#2.21)" (1991)
Eddie: I'm sorry, Steve. We'll go camping together some other time. Just you and me. I promise, okay?
Steve Urkel: Okay.
Eddie: All right.
[goes to leave]
Steve Urkel: ...No, it's not okay! Eddie Winslow, front and center! Newsflash, Eddie! I have feelings. Inside this scrawny chest, there beats a heart. A heart that hurts. And the reason it hurts is because I've tried very hard to be your friend and all you've done is take advantage of me. Well, that's gonna stop right now! I'm not your personal doormat.
[pointing to Laura]
Steve Urkel: I'm her doormat!

"Family Matters: Busted (#2.19)" (1991)
Carl Otis Winslow: [after bringing Eddie home from jail] Now Edward, stop looking around for Steve. He's having the same discussion with his father. Now let me get this straight, you dented the car. And instead of admitting to it, you got yourself involved in gambling. Does that about cover it?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yes sir.
Carl Otis Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Edward.
[Eddie sits down and Carl grabs his hair]
Carl Otis Winslow: Edward Arthur Winslow, son I'm ashamed of you. Dont you know when you make a mistake, you fess up to it. Trying to cover it up would only make it worse.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yes sir.
Carl Otis Winslow: But, apparently you seem want to learn it the hard way, well so be it. You're grounded for two weeks and you are to stay away from my car until it learns self-defense. Now hit the sack.
[Eddie leaves and Carl puts the chair away]
Carl Otis Winslow: Well that took care of everything.
Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. Then instead of admitting it, you let us spread a log in Lake Michigan. Does that about cover it?
Carl Otis Winslow: Yes ma'am.
Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl.
[Carl sits down]
Harriette Winslow: [grabbing Carl's hair] Carl...
[Takes her hand away, looking at it before placing it on top of his head instead]
Harriette Winslow: Carl Otis Winslow, I'm ashamed of you. When you make a mistake, fess up to it. Trying to cover it up only make things worse.
Carl Otis Winslow: Yes ma'am.
Harriette Winslow: But, apparently, you seem to want to learn these things the hard way, so be it. You're taking me out for dinner at Chez Josephine's.
Carl Otis Winslow: Yes, ma'am.
Harriette Winslow: Now let's hit the sack.
Carl Otis Winslow: [More excitedly] Yes, ma'am!

"Family Matters: The Crash Course (#2.5)" (1990)
Steve Urkel: Now, relax, Eddie. You had an accident. Carl will understand.
Eddie: Right. Dad will understand.
Carl: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Wha? Wha? Wha? Wha? Who? Wha? Wha? Who?
Harriette: Carl! Carl, calm down!
Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room.
Harriette: Yes, I know that.
Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room!
Harriette: Carl, don't overreact.
Carl: Overreact? Harriette, THERE IS A CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM!
Rachel Crawford: Well at least we know where it is.