Laura Lee Winslow
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Quotes for
Laura Lee Winslow (Character)
from "Family Matters" (1989)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Family Matters: Fight the Good Fight (#2.20)" (1991)
Harriette Winslow: Laura, you've had your head in those books all morning, got a big test coming up?
Laura Lee Winslow: Nope, this is Black History Month. Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.?
Carl Otis Winslow: Yep, Benjamin Banneker.
Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, not bad.
Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, your old man's read a book or two.
Laura Lee Winslow: Now, for the championship and the toaster oven, who made the first patented shoe sewing machine?
Carl Otis Winslow: Uh, uh...
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Buzz!
Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma!
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883.
Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know?
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Who do you think bought his first pair of shoes?

Harriette Winslow: Now here's something I didn't know. Alexandre Dumas was black.
Carl Otis Winslow: The guy who wrote The Three Musketeers?
Harriette Winslow: Yeah.
Laura Lee Winslow: Most people don't know that.
Harriette Winslow: Why? Don't they teach Black History at your school?
Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, but only for one month.
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That's one month longer than they taught it to me.
Laura Lee Winslow: Well that really bugs me. I mean we've made contributions to this country for over 300 years, but you wouldn't know it looking at most history books, it's not fair.
Carl Otis Winslow: Well sweetheart, if you feel that strongly about it, maybe you should do something about it.
Laura Lee Winslow: Maybe I will.

Maxine: Ugh, what is this?
[picks up a single serving container of gross looking food in the cafeteria]
Laura Lee Winslow: If you have to ask, pass.

Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open!
[finds a note hanging on the door]
Laura Lee Winslow: Oh my God.
Steve Urkel: Laura, what's wrong?
Laura Lee Winslow: [reading note] 'If you want black history, go back to Africa'.
Steve Urkel: What?
[takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'Nigger' spray painted on it]

Carl Otis Winslow: [Laura comes home distraught] Laura, what happened?
Laura Lee Winslow: [in tears] Daddy, everything's a mess!
Harriette Winslow: Laura, did somebody do something to you?
Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's the whole school! The black kids won't talk to the white kids, people are calling each other names, taking sides! And it's all my fault.
Carl Otis Winslow: *Your* fault?
Laura Lee Winslow: If I hadn't started that petition, none of this would've happened. I just wanted to make things better but I ended up making them worse!
Harriette Winslow: Honey, that's not true. None of this is your fault.
Carl Otis Winslow: That's right, that petition was a great idea.
Laura Lee Winslow: No it wasn't. I wish I'd never done it. I just wish it would all go away, Daddy.
[cries]

Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, do you mind if your old grandmother tells you a story?
Laura Lee Winslow: Grandma, you're not old.
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Good answer! No wonder you're my favorite grandchild.

Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, when I was about your age, I LOVED to read, just like you. But our little town only had ONE library, and it was for whites only.
Laura Lee Winslow: You couldn't check out a book?
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I couldn't even go in. And even then I knew it wasn't right. So one day I decided to do something about it. So I walked in the library, sugar, I couldn't believe my eyes, there were THOUSANDS of books just sitting there waiting to be read.
Laura Lee Winslow: Did they let you take one?
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: The librarian, a white man that I'd known all my life, pushed me out into the street and told me never to come back.
Laura Lee Winslow: Did you cry?
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: All the way home, and the next day I cried all the way back to the library.
Laura Lee Winslow: You went back?
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Every day for 6 months. People stopped and starred, called me names, and some even spit at me.
Laura Lee Winslow: Weren't you scared?
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Was I ever! And sometimes I was sorry I ever started the whole thing, but I didn't quit. Finally, one rainy day, I walked in dripping wet, and that same man that pushed me out, shook his head and gave me a library card. And from that day on, EVERYBODY could use that library.

Laura: I couldn't have done this without you.
Steve Urkel: Oh, please, Laura. You're making me blush.
Laura: You know, I just don't get why people are so afraid of our history.
Steve Urkel: Well, because it's different. And believe you me, I know what being different is all about.
Laura: Well, I admire you for that.
Steve Urkel: Oh, pasha, you're making me blush again.


"Family Matters: Love and Kisses (#3.20)" (1992)
Laura Lee Winslow: Steve?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah?
Laura Lee Winslow: What you did for me tonight was really special. It meant a lot to me. And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. The truth is... you deserve a kiss.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me?
Laura Lee Winslow: I didn't say that.

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [after Steve, Eddie & Waldo sang 'My Girl'] Don't we remind you of The Temptations?
Laura Lee Winslow: No! More like The Repulsions.
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Eddie] Man, they didn't even know who we were. And we practiced for six minutes!

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Would you like that?
Laura Lee Winslow: I'd love it, but...
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh, no buts! Suppose I made it happen. Would you reward me with a kiss?
Laura Lee Winslow: Sure. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face.

Steve Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Would you like that?
Laura: I'd love it, but...
Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! Suppose I made it happen. Would you reward me with a kiss?
Laura: Sure. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face.

Steve Urkel: Don't we remind you of The Temptations?
Laura: No! More like The Repulsions.
Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. And we practiced for six minutes!

Laura: Steve?
Steve Urkel: Yeah?
Laura: What you did for me tonight was really special. It meant a lot to me. And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. The truth is... you deserve a kiss.
Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me?
Laura: I didn't say that.


"Family Matters: Jailhouse Blues (#3.15)" (1992)
Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. At the airport he picked up 6 bags.
Laura Lee Winslow: So?
Carl Otis Winslow: So, only two were his.

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship.
Laura Lee Winslow: So?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It was on his tongue!

Laura Lee Winslow: How's the weather back in Detroit?
Clarence: Ill.
Harriette Winslow: What's the matter, not feeling well?
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Ill means lousy. You need to get out more.

Laura Lee Winslow: What're you guys going to see at the dinner theater?
Harriette Winslow: Bye Bye Birdie.
Carl Otis Winslow: Or in my case, Hello Rubber Chicken.


"Family Matters: Stop, in the Name of Love (#3.21)" (1992)
Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. I couldn't turn right around and refuse to go out with him.
Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? You refuse to go out with me for the last decade!
Laura: Well, that's because you have self-confidence. I can turn you down without destroying your ego.
Steve Urkel: Well, isn't that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? I'm getting penalized because I'm emotionally stable!

Steve Urkel: Now that Waldo's out of the picture, does that make me your number one reject?
Laura: Sure, Steve. There's no one I wanna say no to more than you.
Steve Urkel: Whoa! We have liftoff!

Waldo: Laura, I know I'm just wasting my time, but would you like to... kinda, maybe... go out with me, sorta, tomorrow night, maybe?
Steve Urkel: Now, let him down easy.
Laura: Sure, Waldo.
Steve Urkel: NOT THAT EASY!

Laura: I mean it, Waldo. You have a lot of qualities girls really go for.
Waldo: I do? Like what?
Laura: [Long pause] Your looks. I mean, you... are... very...
Waldo: Handsome?
Laura: Let's just put it this way... You have the perfect face for your head.


"Family Matters: Marriage 101 (#2.3)" (1990)
Laura Lee Winslow: [after Steve gives her a ring] This is real! Where did you get the money for this?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: From my stay away fund- every year all my relatives send me money and hope that I won't visit them.

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I know that I'm not worthy of you, but I just can't help loving you. It's like wanting to touch a star- you know you'll never reach it but you've just gotta keep trying.
Laura Lee Winslow: [crying] Steve why do you always say things like that?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: These last 2 weeks have been wonderful for me. It's the closest I'll ever get to marrying you- thats why I wanted you to have this- no strings attached- just the one to my heart.

Laura: Where did you get the money for this?
Steve Urkel: From my stay-away fund. Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them!

Laura: Steve, did you eat that moldy cheese?


"Family Matters: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Urkel (#4.10)" (1992)
[At The Winslow home in the alternate world]
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I'm flat broke, dad. Can you give me some money so I can finish my Christmas shopping?
Carl Otis Winslow: [Grabs his wallet] How much do you need?
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well now that depends, how nice of a Christmas gift do you want.
Carl Otis Winslow: I'll tell you what son, why not give me cash for Christmas.
[Puts his money back into his wallet]
Carl Otis Winslow: Thanks for the present son.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal.
Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? He finished his Christmas shopping weeks ago and never asked me for a penny.
[Steve Winslow comes down the stairs]
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Edward! I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids
Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son.
[Faces Eddie]
Carl Otis Winslow: Look at him, charming, handsome, popular. Steve is the perfect son.
Laura Lee Winslow: [Faces Ty] Steve is my brother?
Ty: No, he's Eddie's brother. Remember you wished that Steve could find out what's it like to be you. Now you're going to find out what it's like to be Steve Urkel.
[Laura walks in the door dressed up in a stereotypical nerd fashion. Steve is embarrassed that he didn't walk out the door faster. Carl and Eddie are also shocked too]
Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows!

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura!
Laura Lee Winslow: Alright!
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What're you so happy about? He just told you to get lost.
Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!'
[to Steve]
Laura Lee Winslow: I'm wearing you DOWN, baby!

Laura Lee Winslow: If you're really my guardian angel, where're your wings and your harp?
Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard.

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [about Harriette's gingerbread house] This is a work of art.
Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's a work of Harriette, get it, Art, Harriette?
[does Steve's laugh and snort]


"Family Matters: Cousin Urkel (#2.8)" (1990)
[Steve and Carl are playing Gin Rummy when an infuriated, Eddie and Laura come into the house.]
Laura Lee Winslow: It was just a little practical joke.
Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well it wasn't funny. How would you like it if I put Jheri Curl in your deodorant?

[Steve has just fallen off the tree and onto the Coopers' pet Doberman, Damien. Carl enters her room with Eddie, who is struggling to stifle his laughter.]
Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, what's going on in here?
Laura Lee Winslow: Well I guess Steve was practicing his accordion. He woke me up too.
Carl Otis Winslow: That boy is Looney Tunes. Well if he does it again, I'm gonna grab his bellows and make a wish.

Laura: So, Myrtle, how long are you gonna be around?
Myrtle Urkel: Oh, just two weeks. My parents would only take Steve if Steve's parents promised to take me.
Rachel Crawford: Sort of an Urkel Exchange Program?
Myrtle Urkel: Exactly, honey!


"Family Matters: Farewell, My Laura (#3.25)" (1992)
[in their 1940s personas]
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series?
Laura Lee Winslow: Rachel Crawfish, you got me, and I like the St. Louis Cardinals.

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [voiceover, as Johnny Danger] So there I was, staring death right in the face. Was I about to take the Big Sleep?
[normal dialogue]
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, what are you waiting for?
Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish!

[in their 1940s personas]
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series?
Laura Lee Winslow: Rachel Crawfish, you got me, and I like the St. Louis Cardinals.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Rachel Crawfish? Why would anybody want to kill her? And I like the Red Sox.
Laura Lee Winslow: That's right, I don't know, and I still like the Cards.


"Family Matters: The Science Project (#2.10)" (1990)
Carl: What's wrong, honey?
Laura: Science class. I'm in big trouble! I may get a B.
Carl: I got a B once. I framed it.
Laura: Dad, this is serious. I can't afford a B on my permanent record. From now on, no parties and no TV. In fact, I'm grounded.
Harriette: Laura!
Laura: Don't argue. Someday, I'll thank myself for this.

[Steve accidentally set off his A-bomb]
Steve Urkel: Don't panic, my love! If I remember correctly, the safest place to be during a nuclear explosion is in a reinforced basement.
Laura: Not when the bomb is in the basement with you!
Steve Urkel: Good point... PANIC!


"Family Matters: Bowl Me Over (#1.21)" (1990)
Laura: He started it.
Eddie: How did I start it?
Laura: By being born first. You got the whole family off on the wrong foot.

Laura: [seductively] Hi, Steve.
Steve Urkel: Hi, Laura,
Laura: You know, I shouldn't be mingling with the opposition, but I just wanted to tell you how handsome you look under fluorescent lighting.
Steve Urkel: [confused] Really?
Laura: Yeah. And, I just wanted to wish you good luck.
Steve Urkel: Thank you.
Laura: [grabbing his arm] Ooh! My, what strong arms.
[Steve drops his bowling ball and begins hyperventilating]
Carl: Steve? Steve?
Steve Urkel: Sh-she touched me, Carl! I can't breathe! All the pins look like Laura!


"Family Matters: Revenge of the Nerd (#8.14)" (1997)
Laura Lee Winslow: This is a geek party.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority!
Laura Lee Winslow: No no no, a GEEK party, as in nerd, doofus.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Allison, is that true?
Allison: Look, we're just having a little harmless fun.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. I'll tell you something else, Allison, I may not be the most trendy guy on campus, or the best looking and I'm CERTAINLY not the most coordinated. But I like myself, and that makes me cool.

Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend.
Allison: Well then you better find some new friends, or you better plan to join a different sororiety.
Laura Lee Winslow: Oh you're not a sorority, you're a bunch of vicious, stuck up barracudas with teased hair and push up bras.


"Family Matters: Citizen's Court (#3.6)" (1991)
Laura Lee Winslow: O.k. Waldo, you may go now.
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left.

Steve Urkel: [Steve is suing Carl on the TV show Citizen's Court and Waldo has been called as a witness] Waldo, how did you feel about Pablo?
Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. When I was with him, I felt... I felt...
[Rolls up his sleeve and begins reading]
Waldo: ...I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere.
Steve Urkel: [panicked] ... um... perhaps you mean "biosphere"?
Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Cool.
Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. I'm finished with this witness, your honor!
Laura: Wait a second. Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm?
Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say.


"Family Matters: Food, Lies and Videotape (#3.17)" (1992)
[after putting out Laura's oven fire]
Steve Urkel: You're safe now, Missy.
Laura: Thank you, Steve. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that.
Steve Urkel: Oh, I understand.
Laura: You did good.
Steve Urkel: You love me, don't you?

[On the phone]
Laura: Steve, I can't talk now. I'm cooking breakfast. No, you're not invited. It's just for the family... Steve... stop begging.


"Family Matters: Dr. Urkel and Mr. Cool (#5.8)" (1993)
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura this elixir will improve my coordination, my posture, my vocal intonation, and I might even sprout a chest hair or two.
Laura Lee Winslow: First you better sprout a chest.

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Steve as Stefan] Steve? Steve who?
Laura Lee Winslow: Steve Urkel. You.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No no no no no. There is no Steve here. I'm Stefan sweet thing. Stefan Urquelle


"Family Matters: Life of the Party (#2.18)" (1991)
Cop: [Searching Willie and Waldo] Ok, where did you hide the booze?
Willie Fuffner: I don't know what you're talking about, officer.
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [reveals his empty jacket] He meant the booze that came out of my jacket.
[Willie is upset at Waldo as Laura shows up to the crime. She imforms Maxine that Steve is safe and Rachel has just taken him home]
Willie Fuffner: See officer, everything is fine. We were just having a little fun
Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? Steve could've been killed.
Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok.
Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. You think it's cool to come to a prty with a mini bar in your coat. You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool. Well it's not cool. It's not funny, it's dangerous.
Cop: It's also against the law.
[He and his partner grabs Willie and Waldo]
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Where are we going, Willie?
Willie Fuffner: Jail, I guess.
Cop: You two are going to juvenile hall until your parents pick you up
Willie Fuffner: Do we get a phone call?
Cop: One call.
Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Can it be a 976 number?
[Willie grabs Waldo and takes him with the cops who arrested them]

[Steve is wasted]
Laura: Steve...
Steve Urkel: Laura! Oh, you're a sore for sight eyes!
Laura: Are you all right?
Steve Urkel: Swell, Punch! I want more Punch! Anybody have more punch?
Laura: Steve, Calm Down!
Steve Urkel: [as Waldo hands Steve a cup of the spiked punch] Why should I Laura, I'm the pife of the larty!
[splashes Waldo with the spiked punch]
Steve Urkel: [Steve is still wasted] Ooh the Durkel!
Laura: Waldo, what's with Steve, he's acting wierd, even for him!
Waldo: Willie told me not to tell.
Laura: Tell what?
Waldo: That he spiked Urkel's punch.
Laura: WHAT?
Waldo: I said he... Hey, you can't trick me!
Steve Urkel: Come on everybody, let's ooh the durkel!
[Steve climbs on the ledge of the roof]
Rachel Crawford: Steve!, Steve! Get down from there!
Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow... oh...
[guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]
Steve Urkel: Help!, Help!
Laura: Steve, are you okay?
Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up!


"Family Matters: It Didn't Happen One Night (#5.2)" (1993)
Steven Quincy Urkel: Look, you've got this big bed. Why can't we share?
Laura Lee Winslow: Does shag carpet also make you crazy? Forget it, Steve.
Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, then where am I gonna sleep?
Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, and quite frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. Grab a blanket and go sleep in the bathtub.
Steven Quincy Urkel: But Laura...
Laura Lee Winslow: Go!
Steven Quincy Urkel: [Grabs a blanket and a pillow and heads to the bathroom only to rush back out seconds later] No!
[Thunderclap]
Steven Quincy Urkel: I will *not* sleep in the bathtub! *You're* gonna sleep in the bathtub!
Laura Lee Winslow: What?
Steven Quincy Urkel: I wasn't the one who overslept, Ms. Rip Van Winslow. I tried to help you!
Laura Lee Winslow: I know...
Steven Quincy Urkel: Don't interrupt me! Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? No!
Laura Lee Winslow: Steve...
Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn".
Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, if...
Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, put a cork in it, Missy! Look, I love you with all my heart, but just because you don't love me back doesn't give you the right to treat me like dirt! I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity!

Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, could you go a little faster? We're getting dirty looks from old people!
Steven Quincy Urkel: But I'm going the recommended cruising speed for this vehicle Any more could be risky.
Laura Lee Winslow: Let's just take that risk. Let's just get there!
[steps on the gas]
Steven Quincy Urkel: Land sakes, woman. Have you taken leave of your senses?
Laura Lee Winslow: How fast are we going now?
Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty.
[the car breaks down. Steve looks at Laura]
Laura Lee Winslow: Did I do that?


"Family Matters: Do the Right Thing (#2.16)" (1991)
Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd.
Steve Urkel: Well, Laura, do you realize what you're asking? I'm jealous of Todd and you want me to help him. Why, you might as well drop a boulder on my foot, shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails, or scoop my eyeballs out with a melon baler.
Laura: So, will you do it?

Laura: I do want a guy with something upstairs, but, uh, I also want a well-built staircase.
Steve Urkel: Oh, well, no problem-o. I'll just begin a rigorist-training schedule. Why, a few sessions on the Muscle Master and you'll be drooling over my deltoids.
[strikes a pose]
Steve Urkel: ...Laura?
Laura: What, Steve?
Steve Urkel: I hurt myself. Can you carry me home?


"Family Matters: The Way the Ball Bounces (#4.13)" (1993)
Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. When's the last time you slept?
Laura Lee Winslow: I'm not sure... what day is this?

Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [seeing what Laura looks like without sleep] You remind me of a movie star.
Laura Lee Winslow: Who?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Freddy Krueger!


"Family Matters: Rock Video (#1.22)" (1990)
Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. No phones. No Traffic.
Laura Lee Winslow: No surprise visits from Steve Urkel.
Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise.

Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family!


"Family Matters: Lost in Space: Part 2 (#9.22)" (1998)
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss?
Laura Lee Winslow: On one condition.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's that?
Laura Lee Winslow: That you'll never go into outer space again.
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss
[they passionately kiss]

Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss?
Laura: On one condition.
Steve Urkel: What's that.
Laura: That you'll never go into outer space again
Steve Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss
[they passionately kiss]


"Family Matters: The Crash Course (#2.5)" (1990)
Laura: Gee, Steve... Your baby shoes, your grandmother's dentures, fish jam; and I didn't get a thing for you.

Steve Urkel: Is there anything I can do for you while I'm down here waiting?
Laura: Let me know when Eddie gets back.
[Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car]
Steve Urkel: [shocked] He's baaaaack!


"Family Matters: Send in the Clone (#7.24)" (1996)
Laura Lee Winslow: [Laura grabs Steve and his clone on their ears] Okay, let's take a moment and figure out what we learned here.
Myra Monkhouse: Um, one plus one equals fun?
Laura Lee Winslow: No, I think we learned that Steve's experiments has gone too far.


"Family Matters: Lost in Space: Part 1 (#9.21)" (1998)
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It's a tradition in the Urkel family to not consummate the marriage for three months.
Laura Lee Winslow: But Steve...
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Ok, you talked me into it.
[Steve goes to answer the door]
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'm going to consummate, I'm going to consummate.


"Family Matters: It's a Mad, Mad, Mad House (#4.17)" (1993)
Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross.
Harriette Winslow: Then clean it up, I'm still on strike.
Laura Lee Winslow: [pushes some things aside] I can't pitch in right now. I promised grandma I'd help her get ready.
Harriette Winslow: For When?
Laura Lee Winslow: Tonight is the charity bachelor auction.
Harriette Winslow: Oh lord. Remember last year when she bought that date with the retired underwear model.
Laura Lee Winslow: Then she demanded her money back when she found out that she modeled ladies underwear.
[Harriette laughs as Laura leaves the living room to help Mother Winslow get ready]


"Family Matters: Dedicated to the One I Love (#2.9)" (1990)
Judy Winslow: Mom, when's dinner? We're starved.
Harriette: Soon, Baby. Your dad's runnin' late.
Laura: Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke!


"Family Matters: The Big Reunion (#1.15)" (1990)
Judy: You want the rest of my cupcake?
Laura Lee Winslow: No, three's my limit!


"Family Matters: Requiem for an Urkel (#2.11)" (1990)
[Greg has just sat down next to Laura]
Greg: Hi, Laura.
Laura Lee Winslow: Hello Greg.
Greg: Are you ok?
Laura Lee Winslow: No, it really bugs me that Steve is the only guy with enough guts to stand up to Willie.
[Greg leaves as Willie walks in with Waldo and the crowd boos him. Then Urkel shows up with Eddie and Carl and the crowd cheers for him]


"Family Matters: Stevil II: This Time He's Not Alone (#9.7)" (1997)
Laura Lee Winslow: Did you get any sleep?
Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance!


"Family Matters: The Urkel Who Came to Dinner (#3.22)" (1992)
Laura Lee Winslow: Uh, Steve. We thought you were going on vacation, Steve. Why aren't you on vacation, Steve?
Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, well, it would have been inappropriate for me to join my parents. They went on their second honeymoon.
Rachel Crawford: Oh, how romantic! Where did they go?
Steven Quincy Urkel: Well, my mother went to Washington to visit the Smithsonian. And my dad went to New York to see Clem Puddle's House of Reptiles.
Carl Otis Winslow: You know, several questions come to mind here.
Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, shoot.
Carl Otis Winslow: Your parents are taking seperate second honeymoons?
Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, yes. They desperately wanna avoid the tragedy that resulted from their first honeymoon.
Harriette Winslow: What was that?
Steven Quincy Urkel: Me!


"Family Matters: Rachel's Place (#2.1)" (1990)
Rachel Crawford: It's almost impossible to find a job these days.
Laura: [running in] Guess what? I just got a job!


"Family Matters: Old and Alone (#3.11)" (1991)
Steve Urkel: Laura, this is a... a really special moment and... well, I think we should celebrate it by... getting married.
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: Engaged?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: Going steady?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: A date?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: A kiss?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: A handshake?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: I'll see ya tomorrow?
Laura: Yeah.
Steve Urkel: I'll take it.


"Family Matters: Dream Date (#7.22)" (1996)
Robbins: Hey everyone, Laura Winslow's date is Steve Urkel
[prom guests gasp]
Donna Santangelo: And get this, Urkel's tuxedo fits!
[Prom Guests Gasp]
Laura: [as Steve and Laura walk in, the guests gasp again] Steve, everyone gasped.
Steve Urkel: Of course. You're so beautiful, you take their breath away.
Laura: Is it my imagination or is your voice lower?
Steve Urkel: I think it's because these pants are so loose!
Maxine Johnson: Ooh Laura, you look good.
Laura: So do you Max, guess what, Steve rented us a limo.
Waldo: We rented us a limo station wagon. All we had to do was drop some dead guy off at the graveyard.
Maxine Johnson: Was there a line to get your pictures taken when you guys walked in?
Steve Urkel: No, but it was moving kinda fast. Let's trot on over there and see what develops.
[laughs and snorts]


"Family Matters: The Show Must Go On (#3.3)" (1991)
[Performing Romeo and Juliet]
Laura: Doth thou love me? Oh, gentle Romeo, if thou doth love, pronounce it faithfully.
Steve Urkel: [Climbs over the balcony and falls] Oh! Ouchith!
Laura: [whispering] Steve, are you okay?
Steve Urkel: [whispering] I bent my dagger.


"Family Matters: Sitting Pretty (#1.18)" (1990)
Laura Lee Winslow: Aunt Rachel, take little Richie, the Murphy twins are giving each other haircuts in the backyard!


"Family Matters: The Party (#1.16)" (1990)
Harriette Winslow: [while trying to calm an apprehensive Rachel about leaving Richie overnight with the babysitter for the first time] Rachel, I know it's hard leaving your baby for the first time, but after that it gets a lot easier.
Laura Lee Winslow: [Yelling at Judy who's trying to shove her plate in front of Eddie dishing food] Can you wait?
Judy Winslow: No! I want some!
Harriette Winslow: [to Rachel] Believe me!


"Family Matters: Flashpants (#2.4)" (1990)
[Jazzy music playing]
Laura: Steve, you like this kind of music?
Steve Urkel: Mmm, not really.
Laura: Maybe there's hope for you yet.
Steve Urkel: I'm more of a polka kinda guy.


"Family Matters: Swine Lake (#7.17)" (1996)
Harriette Winslow: [enters the house and sees Curtis] Hi.
Curtis Williams: Oh, hi.
Harriette Winslow: Who the heck are you?
Curtis Williams: I'm Curtis Williams. Me and Laura went ice skating together.
Harriette Winslow: Oh, well it's nice to meet you, Curtis.
Laura Lee Winslow: [enters the room] All right, Curtis. The hot chocolate will be ready soon.
Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. I was just talking with your grandmother.
Harriette Winslow: Excuse me?
Laura Lee Winslow: Oh lord, you're gonna die. Uh, Curtis. This isn't my grandmother. This is my mother.
Curtis Williams: Oh lord, I'm gonna die.


"Family Matters: Woman of the People (#3.19)" (1992)
Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race.
Laura: What are you talkin' about?
Cassie Lynn: Well, we just got some really hot photos of you being romanced by the Prince of Passion here.
Steve Urkel: What? She just slipped and I caught her. That's all.
Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! We should put those pictures in the school paper.
Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. Everyone would think that Laura is in love with Steve Urkel and no one would vote for her.
Steve Urkel: But, I told you. I just caught her, that's all.
Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. They just love juicy gossip.
Laura: You wouldn't dare.
Cassie Lynn: Try me. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture.
Steve Urkel: Why you...
[Both leave laughing]
Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! Nobody threatens my woman!
Laura: Steve. Steve! STEVE!
Steve Urkel: Wha-at?
Laura: Will you calm down?
Steve Urkel: Calm down? Why that low-down-cheap-bunder-headed-mud-slinging-bush-wacking-slanderous-snake-in-a-skirt is blackmailing you!
Laura: I know!
Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Why, how low can you get?


"Family Matters: Rumor Has It (#4.4)" (1992)
Ted: I'm sorry, Laura. Look, I know it's asking a lot, but can we wipe the slate clean; start over?
Steven Quincy Urkel: No way!
Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, Ted.
Steven Quincy Urkel: She doesn't know, Ted!
Laura Lee Winslow: I'll have to think about it.
Steven Quincy Urkel: She has to think about it!
Laura Lee Winslow: But it'll be real hard to forgive the fact that you boosted your rep by ruining mine.
Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, you're history, Bub.
Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, I'll handle this conversation myself, okay?
Steven Quincy Urkel: She'll handle this conversation herself, okay?


"Family Matters: The Love God (#3.10)" (1991)
Steve Urkel: Care to mop my brow?
Laura: Forget it.
Steve Urkel: No sweat, my pet?
Laura: In your dreams.
Steve Urkel: Hey, this is my dream!
Laura: Well, then not even in your dreams.
Steve Urkel: I can't believe this! I'm being rejected in my own fantasy.


"Family Matters: Brain over Brawn (#3.2)" (1991)
Steve Urkel: You know what, Laura? I realize the reason you don't love me is because I'm weak.
Laura: Steve, that's not true.
Steve Urkel: It isn't?
Laura: No! There's lots of reasons why I don't love you.
Steve Urkel: Really? Well, name a couple.
Laura: Well... you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy...
Steve Urkel: I said 'a couple'.


"Family Matters: Ice Station Winslow (#2.14)" (1991)
[Rachel walks into the living room with Richie's broken penguin beak, coutesy of a jealous Judy]
Rachel Crawford: Harriette, we've got to talk.
[She stops to face Laura]
Rachel Crawford: Kleenex?
Laura Lee Winslow: Socks.
Rachel Crawford: Oh. You mother once tried bean bags.


"Family Matters: Beta Chi Guy (#6.5)" (1994)
Laura Lee Winslow: You're lucky, you got into a great fraternity... and all it cost you was your best friend.
Eddie Winslow: Steve told you?
Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. I could hear him sobbing in his suspension chamber.


"Family Matters: Busted (#2.19)" (1991)
Laura: Steve... why did you give me this... this... THIS?
Steve Urkel: Because, I love you... love you... love you!