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: [greeting each other
] Eddie. Eddie
: There are three things that Black people need to tell the truth about. Number one: Rodney King should've gotten his ass beat for being drunk in a Honda a white part of Los Angeles. Number two: O.J. did it! And number three: Rosa Parks didn't do nuthin' but sit her Black ass down!
: Fuck Jesse Jackson!
: Eddie, not only is what you're saying not true, it is wrong and disrespectful for you to discuss Rosa Parks in that way. Eddie
: Wait, hold on here. Is this a barbershop? Is this a barbershop? If we can't talk straight in a barbershop, then where can we talk straight? We can't talk straight nowhere else. You know, this ain't nothin' but healthy conversation, that's all.
: Knock his college ass out!
: See, in my day, a barber was more than just somebody who sit around in a FUBU shirt with his drawers hanging all out. In my day, a barber was a counselor. He was a fashion expert. A style coach. Pimp. Just general all-around hustler. But the problem with y'all cats today, is that you got no skill. No sense of history. And then, with a straight face, got the nerve to want to be somebody. Want somebody to respect you. But it takes respect to get respect. Understand? See, I'm old. But, Lord willing, I'd be spared the sight of seeing everything that we worked for flushed down the drain by someone who don't know no better or care.
: [Calvin tells Eddie that he sold the barbershop
] This ain't no Goddamn school of the blind, Calvin! This is the barbershop! The place where a black man means something! Cornerstone of the neighborhood! Our own country club! I mean, can't you see that? Hell, that's the problem with your whole generation. You know, y'all... you don't believe in nothin'. But your father, he believed in something, Calvin. He believed and understood that something as simple as a little haircut could change the way a man felt on the inside.
: Boy, look, look! Look! Your daddy may not had a whole lot of money. Oh, but he was rich, because he invested in people. What'd you think? You think I was the only one he gave a job to, Calvin? No! That man opened up the doors to anybody and any knucklehead around here in the city of Chicago that wanted to come down here and make somebody out themselves. Gave the opportunity to be somebody! A licensed professional barber. Now, me, myself, personally... I wouldn't gave half these bail-jumpers the opportunity. But, you know, it's just hard enough. You sit in there and try to cut somebody's head and gotta worry about this fool over there trying to shank you. But let me tell you somethin'. At the end of the day... the end of the day, I was glad I was here. And now you!
: [to Jimmy
] You cut a patch in my head! Eddie
: Shane, look over there! He cut a patch in the li'l boy head; got him lookin' like "101 Dalmatians." You ever heard a' that movie? He look like a Dalmatian! That's one hundred an' two!
: Don't touch my stuff no more, or there *will* be reprecussions... Jimmy
: You know what, "reprecussion" my nuts! Terri
: *Grow* some! Eddie
: Well, you heard that, didn't you, "Planters"?
: [Terri throws her roses
] Hey, girl, this ain't a bullfight!
: What Calvin NEEDS you to do is to get up off your fat ass an' cut some heads! Eddie
: Now how you gonna talk about size... when you one Reese's Pieces away from Jenny Craig y'self?
: [taking food orders from people in the shop
] Okay... so that's three orders of "hell naw", two orders of "ask ya mama", and one order of "negro please".
: The D.C. sniper is the "Jackie Robinson" of crime! He broke into the crazy White leagues!
: What kind of coffee is it? Yuppie
: It's not a coffee. It's a chai with soy. Eddie
: Okay, so it's herbal.
: I had sex with a man. Calvin
: Good luck with that.
: [about J.D's Gangsta Grub logo
] Who the hell is this? Mike Tyson?