Uncle Ruckus
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Quotes for
Uncle Ruckus (Character)
from "The Boondocks" (2005)

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"The Boondocks: Stinkmeaner Strikes Back (#2.4)" (2007)
Huey Freeman: This isn't an exorcism - it's a beating.
Uncle Ruckus: Sometimes there is very little difference.

Uncle Ruckus: We will use the tools that God gave us to fight the nigger: The whip, the noose, the nightstick, the branding iron. These things strike fear into the heart of the nigger. The job application.

Uncle Ruckus: [Talking to Robert, Huey, and Riley about Tom's posession] Avoid conversation with the nigger, the nigger will lie, the nigger will make excuses, he will use words he don't really know.

Uncle Ruckus: Removing an evil nigger spirit from a negro is as hard as removing the stink from a hunk of shit.


"The Boondocks: The Passion of Ruckus (#1.15)" (2006)
Ronald Reagan: White Heaven is for decent, good, God-fearing Christians who just happen to, well, hate everyone and everything relating to black people. That means no Muhammad Ali, no hip-hop music and no fucking Jesse Jackson.
Uncle Ruckus: What about Whoopi Goldberg?
Ronald Reagan: Nope.
Uncle Ruckus: Ohhh! This *is* Heaven!

Uncle Ruckus: God bless you, Robert. How are you this fine morning?
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: You're not a Jehavoh's Witness now, are you? 'Cause I'm in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.
Uncle Ruckus: Hahahahaha. Robert, I'm dying. That's right. Went to the doctor this morning. I only got six months to live. Tumor on the back. They call it Biggus Backus Tumoritis or some other big word that my tiny Negro brain and big lips can't pronounce.

Uncle Ruckus: People say to me 'Ruckus'. I say 'Huh, who said that?' They say 'How do I make it to White Heaven?' Well, start by askin' yourself 'How is my relationship with the white man?' Do you celebrate the white man's goodness every day? Do you stop and thank the white man for the food you eat and the clothes you wear? Huh? Well, if you don't, you goin' to Hell. Now, I want everybody who isn't white to turn to a white person and say 'Thank you'.
Tom Dubois: [Tom puts his hand on a white man's shoulder] Thank you. Thank you so much.
Uncle Ruckus: Well, there are those of you who say I'm a racist. There are those of you who say I'm wrong for hatin' niggas. Well, I call y'all ALL hypocrites! 'Cause each and every one of you can name ten niggas you hate right now if you had to!
Tom Dubois: I never thought about it like that. There's Tyrone... Leon... Oh! Eddie!
Uncle Ruckus: You don't have to admit it. That's OK. 'Cause I know you done already counted off five niggas in yo' head! You're like 'I hate that nigga Jamal! Oh, I hate Otis! I can't stand Usher!'
Tom Dubois: Oh my God, he's right! I hate Usher, too!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: What?
Tom Dubois: He's right. I think I hate black people!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: [whispering] Tom, stop being stupid!
Tom Dubois: No, I think I hate 'em all. I don't like Puffy! I don't like Kobe! I don't like...
[stands up]
Tom Dubois: I don't like any of 'em!
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Tom, snap out of it! Come on, we're leaving.
[stands up]
Uncle Ruckus: That's right! Somebody out there is feelin' the spirit!
Tom Dubois: I am! I am! I feel it!
Uncle Ruckus: If you black of skin and full of sin, come forward so I may lay my hands on you.
[slaps a black man]
Uncle Ruckus: Black be gone!
[slaps black woman]
Uncle Ruckus: Praise White Jesus!
[slaps another black man]
Uncle Ruckus: Now, I want everybody to find the nearest black man and lay hands on him. But first, make sure your hand is balled up in a fist so you can beat the black outta his soul. God smiles when you hate blackness so you beat that darkie in the name of the Almighty! Hallelujah!
[the whole congregation starts beating each other. Granddad pulls Tom away from the melee]
Uncle Ruckus: That's right! Ronald Regan said 'Beat a nigga's ass and go to Heaven.' God is good! Now, let us pray. Lord, I have spent my whole life hatin' you for makin' me black. And now I see I must hate myself and all those like me. And cause them misery just like your servant, Ronald Reagan did. And if any of my words don't come directly from the Almighty God himself, then may I be struck by lightning right this very instant! Halle-
[Ruckus is struck by lightning]
Uncle Ruckus: AAAAHHHHHHH!


"The Boondocks: Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy (#3.5)" (2010)
Uncle Ruckus: [Sees a black car pull up at the service station and comes out to greet three African-American senior citizens] Oh, hell naw! What y'all want, niggas? Hurry up! I ain't got all day!
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: We're lookin' for a place called Woodcrest. Is this it?
Uncle Ruckus: Maybe. Look, you want gas or not?
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: We're lookin' for a man.
Uncle Ruckus: Oh, yeah I bet you are. You're lookin' for the number man or the weed man or the Welfare man...
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: Naw, the man I'm lookin' for is named Freeman. Robert Freeman.
Uncle Ruckus: Oh, hell no! I knew it! You related to Robert Freeman?
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: [All three look at each other] So, you know him?
Uncle Ruckus: Yeah, I know him. But Woodcrest don't need no more coloreds. We got our colored quota filled. So y'all can just get to steppin' and get in that piece 'o shit car, turn it around and head it back up the road, Crusty the Coon!
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: Why don't you tell me where Robert is?
[Slams brass knuckles against the palm of his hand]
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: Before I put five across yo' lip, ya big black dummy?
Lady Esmeralda Gripenasty: Yeah! Start talkin' you one-eyed, fish-eyed fool!
George Pissedofferson: Hey, we ain't got all night, buffalo butt!
Uncle Ruckus: I ain't scared of y'all decrepit Negroes! COME ONE!
[Crabmiser advances towards and takes a swing]
Uncle Ruckus: Aah!
[Camera pans away to sounds of fists punching]

Uncle Ruckus: Oh, there was three of them. Two black nigga men and one black nigga woman. Oh, they each had big black lips, big black nostrils and a big black attitude problem.

Uncle Ruckus: [Sees a black car pull up at the service station and comes out to greet three African-American senior citizens] Oh, hell naw! What y'all want, niggas? Hurry up! I ain't got all day!
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: We're lookin' for a place called Woodcrest. Is this it?
Uncle Ruckus: Maybe. Look, you want gas or not?
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: We're lookin' for a man.
Uncle Ruckus: Oh, yeah I bet you are. You're lookin' for the number man or the weed man or the Welfare man...
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: Naw, the man I'm lookin' for is named Freeman. Robert Freeman.
Uncle Ruckus: Oh, hell no! I knew it! You related to Robert Freeman?
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: [All three look at each other] So, you know him?
Uncle Ruckus: Yeah, I know him. But Woodcrest don't need no more coloreds. We got our colored quota filled. So y'all can just get to steppin' and get in that piece 'o shit car, turn it around and head it back up the road, Crusty the Coon!
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: Why don't you just tell me where Robert is -
[Slams brass knuckles against the palm of his hand]
Lord Rufus Crabmiser: - before I put five across yo' lip, ya big black dummy?
Lady Esmeralda Gripenasty: Yeah! Start talkin' you one-eyed, fish-eyed fool!
George Pissedofferson: Hey, we ain't got all night, buffalo butt!
Uncle Ruckus: I ain't scared of y'all decrepit Negroes! COME ONE!
[Crabmiser advances towards and takes a swing]
Uncle Ruckus: Aah!
[Camera pans away to sounds of fists punching]


"The Boondocks: The Garden Party (#1.1)" (2005)
Granddad: Nigga, if you ruin this party for me, I'll put my...
Huey: Ruin the party? They love me. These people aren't worried about us. They're not worried about anything. They're rich. No matter what happens, these people just keep applauding.
Uncle Ruckus: Attention please. Attention please. My name is Uncle Ruckus, no relation. I want to sing y'all a brand new song I just wrote called "Don't Trust Them New Niggers Over There". Sing along if you know the words.
[sings]
Uncle Ruckus: Don't trust them new niggers over there / Leaving they nigger essence in the air / Them happy, nappy head niggers / With they finger on the trigger / Don't trust them new niggers over there / Don't trust them big nostrils over yonder / They suck up so much air it'll make you wonder / Don't them new niggers / With they spidey little nigger figures / Don't trust them new niggers over there.
[falls off stage]
Rich Woman: I think the N-word is OK as long as they say it.
[crowd applauds]
Huey: See?

Uncle Ruckus: Don't trust them new niggers over there!


"The Boondocks: The Trial of Robert Kelly (#1.2)" (2005)
Uncle Ruckus: Hang that nigger now! I even got my own rope right here.

Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Didn't Jerry Lee Lewis marry a thirteen-year-old baby?
Uncle Ruckus: You can't compare a chocolate monkey like R. Kelly to Jerry Lee Lewis! He was the king of rock n' roll. Great balls of fire!


"The Boondocks: Granddad's Fight (#1.4)" (2005)
Uncle Ruckus: Ah, between me and you, your granddaddy shouldn't be too worried. Everybody knows niggas can't fight.
Huey: I'm sorry?
Uncle Ruckus: You heard me, nigga, niggas can't fight. They don't possess the strength of character or the mental quickness to be a great fighter. That's why all the best fighters in the world have always been white men. Jack Dempsey, Rocky Marciano, Sly-vester Stallone, and don't forget Ralph Macchio! Name me one great, black, heavyweight fighter. Name one, go ahead, try, name one. See there? Ya can't do it. What, what what, what? Oh, oh, oh, oh you wanna pull Ali out yo' ass? That what you thinkin' 'bout? Muhammad Ali? Well, if that nigga so tough, then why he didn't go to Vietnam? I'll tell you why. 'Cause he was scared, that's why. Shoot. "No Vietnamese ever called me nigga." I call him a nigga eight times before I have breakfast, now what he gon' do? Hold on, I'll make it nine... NIGGA!

Uncle Ruckus: Jean-Claude Van Damme's the best martial artist in the world. He killed a man with his butt cheek power.


"The Boondocks: Ballin' (#2.8)" (2007)
Uncle Ruckus: [Explaining to Riley how to behave when Cindy McPhearson gets in the basketball game] Lookin' at the white girl, that's a foul. Speakin' to the white girl, that's a technical foul. Touchin' the white girl... oh-ho-ho-ho-ho... that's a lynchin'!


"The Boondocks: Return of the King (#1.9)" (2006)
Uncle Ruckus: Shut yo' preachin' ass up, you son of a bitch!
[throws a brick at Dr. King]


"The Boondocks: Riley Wuz Here (#1.12)" (2006)
Uncle Ruckus: This is just more proof that the white man made a tragic misjudgment when he made it legal to teach niggers to read and write. Paint faster! Oh what? What? You call that art? Huh? Ain't no nigger ever been good at drawing! If Michelangelo had been black, Jesus would look like George Jefferson! Keep painting!


"The Boondocks: The Uncle Ruckus Reality Show (#2.15)" (2008)
Uncle Ruckus: [Depressed over his test results revealing he has African blood] Well I'm black now, the very foist thing I did was quit all my jobs, I'm probably going to have to start selling crack, or rapping, or rapping about selling crack.


"The Boondocks: The Story of Catcher Freeman (#2.12)" (2008)
Huey Freeman: [checking the internet to find the truth about Catcher Freeman] Excuse me, everyone. I think we can resolve this quickly. Catcher Tobias Lynchwater, better known as Catcher Freeman, was a house slave on Colonel Lynchwater's plantation. He was also Colonel Lynchwater's son, although the Colonel never claimed him.
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Wait, what? Master's son? Uh uh. No, no, no, that can't be!
Huey Freeman: He is believed to have written the first screenplay in secret, several years before the invention of the motion picture industry.
Uncle Ruckus: What website is that? MadeUpMonkeyShit.com?


"The Boondocks: The Story of Gangstalicious (#1.6)" (2005)
Lincoln: [Lincoln and his thugs pull their guns on Ruckus] Where's Gangstalicious?
Uncle Ruckus: Say that again? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me shittin' myself.


"The Boondocks: ...Or Die Trying (#2.1)" (2007)
Uncle Ruckus: You mean we gon' let this African hooligan nigga go unpunished?
Jazmine Dubois: You have problems Mr. Freeman and you need help.
Huey Freeman: Thanks for coming back, eventually.
Riley Freeman: Yo, you need to stop snitching, granddad.
[gets smacked by granddad]
Riley Freeman: Hey! Won't you call Social Services and turn yourself in for child abuse?
[gets smacked again by granddad]


"The Boondocks: It's a Black President, Huey Freeman (#3.1)" (2010)
Uncle Ruckus: Due to the conditions of my parole, I am unable to leave the country at this time. I am forced to remain here, and express my extreme displeasure, while in no way threatening the life of the president and his beautiful monkey family.


"The Boondocks: A Huey Freeman Christmas (#1.7)" (2005)
Jazmine Dubois: Why doesn't the real Santa come?
Riley: 'Cause there ain't no real Santa.
[walks away]
Riley: [Jazmine falls to her knees and cries]
Uncle Ruckus: No Santy Claus? Well, I'd expect a heathen nigglet like Riley to say somethin' like that. But Jazmine, I'm surprised at you! Bein' a mule-atto and all, you s'posed to have more sense.