Cpl. Louis LeBeau
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Quotes for
Cpl. Louis LeBeau (Character)
from "Hogan's Heroes" (1965)

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"Hogan's Heroes: German Bridge Is Falling Down (#1.7)" (1965)
Col. Robert E. Hogan: What kind of explosives have we got, Carter?
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Three firecrackers and a can of lighter fluid.
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Firecrackers?
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Well, sure. You remember - we told Klink LeBeau was part Chinese and we had to have firecrackers to celebrate Chinese New Years.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: And I cooked that whole pot of chow mein... with sauerkraut.
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Please - not while I'm plotting.

Col. Robert E. Hogan: Kinch, you go with Carter and help him set up his bomb factory in Tunnel Number 3.
Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Right, Colonel.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: What about me, Colonel? What do I do?
Col. Robert E. Hogan: LeBeau, my boy, I'm holding you in reserve.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: What?
Col. Robert E. Hogan: If Carter's bombs don't do it, we may have to poison that bridge.


"Hogan's Heroes: The Experts (#6.2)" (1970)
Col. Wilhelm Klink: Carry on, but quietly, I have lots of work to do.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Sgt. Andrew Carter: [mockingly] Lot of work to do.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: The new girlie magazines must be in from Paris.

Sgt. Andrew Carter: You Germans can't get together on *anything.*
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: That's why it's taking them so long to lose the war!
Sgt. Andrew Carter: How true- that's true!
[Sgt. Schultz and Hilda look at each other, and shrug]


"Hogan's Heroes: Six Lessons from Madame LaGrange (#5.22)" (1970)
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: You're wasting your time, Major Hochstetter. You're not gonna get anything out of me.
Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I haven't asked you anything yet.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: All you're gonna get is my name, rank and serial number.
Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And a dancing lesson.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: A dancing lesson?
Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And if you ever tell anyone, I will have you kept in this cooler for a year.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Under the Geneva Convention, I don't have to teach you to dance.
Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [draws gun, pointing it to LeBeau's head] Take your choice, huh: waltz, foxtrot, or shot as an escaping prisoner.


"Hogan's Heroes: Klink for the Defense (#6.19)" (1971)
Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: It is about his defense counsel. Colonel Hauptmann is a very lucky man.
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Who's defending him?
Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Colonel Wilhelm Klink.
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Klink?
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Klink?
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Klink?
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: You don't mean our Klink. I mean, the Klink here - you don't mean him.
Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Ja, Kommandant Klink, a man who could have been great, except he wasn't very good.


"Hogan's Heroes: Kommandant of the Year (#1.3)" (1965)
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Maybe it's some kind of new secret weapon.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Then why are they bringing it here?
Col. Robert E. Hogan: They know its safe. The Allies won't bomb a prisoner of war camp.
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Now you see that wouldn't be cricket.
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Hey, gang! What if we find out what is is and if its important enough, we get London to bomb the camp? That'll be great!
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Carter. Out.
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Schultz says I might get shot.
Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's right.


"Hogan's Heroes: How to Escape from Prison Camp Without Really Trying (#3.26)" (1968)
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Achtung!
[no response]
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Achtung!
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: What did you say, Schultz?
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: I said 'Achtung!'
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Oh. Your bid, Kinch.
Kinch: Two of clubs.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: When I say 'Achtung' that means that you all are to SNAP to attention.
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Oh, is that what it means? Huh! I always thought it meant 'Good morning' or 'Greetings, Mate.' Something like that.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: No, no. 'Achtung' is a command. When I say 'Achtung' I want you all to come to attention at once.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: I wasn't sure what that one meant myself. It always sounded like Schultz was just clearing his throat. So that's a command for attention, huh?
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: That's right! Now that you all know it...
[Schultz leaves and then re-enters the room]
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Achtung!
Sgt. Andrew Carter: And a 'Good morning' to you, too, Schultz.
Kinch: Didn't you hear what Schultz said?
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Sure. He said 'Achtung' so I said 'Good morning' right back to him.
Kinch: Achtung doesn't mean 'Good morning.'
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Well, that's what Newkirk says it means. And who are we gonna believe? One of us or one of them?
Kinch: He's got a point there.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Yes he does! You'd better brush up on your German, Schultz.
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Yeah, don't use words you're not sure of. In future, to avoid confusion, why don't you just say 'Good Morning' in English?
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hi Schultz! Just let us all know when it's time for Roll Call, will you?
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Jawohl, Colonel Hogan... But it IS time for Roll Call. That's why I came here in the first place! It's almost PAST time for Roll Call!
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Well, you'd never make sergeant in OUR Air Force.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Roll Call! Everybody out, out, out, out, out, out, out! Roll Call! Raus!
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Hey Thank you! And a 'Good day' to you, too, Schultz.


"Hogan's Heroes: Art for Hogan's Sake (#2.16)" (1966)
Verlaine: They stole it from the museum?
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Filthy assassins.
Verlaine: Ah, animals.
Suzette: Dogs!
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: You forgot pigs... By the way who are we talking about?
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Germans!
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: I got into the wrong conversation.


"Hogan's Heroes: That's No Lady, That's My Spy (#6.17)" (1971)
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: I'm going to need a few things, you know.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: What for?
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: You don't think I'd let a Frenchman make the tea, do you? He doesn't have a clue.
Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Don't they drink tea in France?
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: We don't drink anything we don't stomp on.


"Hogan's Heroes: Hold That Tiger (#1.2)" (1965)
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Steal a German tank?
Col. Robert E. Hogan: We'll give it back... after we take it apart and make blueprints of it.
Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Well, how do we get ahold of it?
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: How do we get it in here?
Cpl. Peter Newkirk: Where are we going to hide a tank?
Sgt. Andrew Carter: Where do we take it apart?
Col. Robert E. Hogan: Look, I got the idea of stealing it, right? The rest is detail.


"Hogan's Heroes: Praise the Fuhrer and Pass the Ammunition (#2.19)" (1967)
Col. Robert E. Hogan: [talking about the show for Klink] All right, now, the main thing is to keep them entertained till the job is done. We don't want our audience walking out on us.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: I will personally hold them spellbound with my repertoire of songs, dances and snappy patters.
Col. Robert E. Hogan: I can hardly wait.


"Hogan's Heroes: The Flight of the Valkyrie (#1.5)" (1965)
Baroness Lili von Schlichter: Colonel, I will be safe here?
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Not if I can help it.


"Hogan's Heroes: Nights in Shining Armor (#3.8)" (1967)
Col. Robert E. Hogan: 'Sugar candy' is code for something special.
Cpl. Louis LeBeau: Maybe they'll drop us some USO girls.
Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Could also mean heavy equipment.
Col. Robert E. Hogan: After two years here, who cares what they look like?