Nellie Oleson
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Quotes for
Nellie Oleson (Character)
from "Little House on the Prairie" (1974)

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"Little House on the Prairie: Darkness Is My Friend (#6.16)" (1980)
Dr. Hiram Baker: [Nellie is singing badly] Can I get you something for your throat, Nellie?
Nellie Oleson: [Nellie slams down the cover on the piano and leaves] Huuu!

Nelson "Nels" Oleson: [Nellie is singing badly] Wouldn't you like a nice hot cup of tea?
Nellie Oleson: Oh no father, mother says never drink any hot liquids after singing... something about blistering the vocal chords?
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Better your chords than my ears.
Nellie Oleson: What was that father?
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: I said you better take care of your chords, my dear.
Nellie Oleson: Oh, I will father.

Nellie Oleson: Would you like to hear another song?
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: *No*, well I mean...
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Sounds like Doc Baker.
Nellie Oleson: I wonder what he's doing here.
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: He probably heard your singing and thought someone was dying!
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: Oh, come in Doctor.
[Nellie starts singing again]

"Little House on the Prairie: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: Part 1 (#6.23)" (1980)
Caroline Ingalls: Nellie, what on earth happened?
Nellie Oleson: Something wonderful. He said I was pretty.

Nellie Oleson: This hotel, this restaurant... I never asked for It in the first place.
Nels Oleson: Well, I didn't give it to you, it was your Mother's idea.
Nellie Oleson: You let her.
Nels Oleson: How was I supposed to stop her?
Nellie Oleson: By being a man.
Nels Oleson: By being a... Now, let me tell you something, young lady. If you would act like a woman, you wouldn't need this hotel to get yourself a man!
Nellie Oleson: what?
Nels Oleson: That's why your mother built this in the first place, so somebody would marry you.

Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: You know, your father is paying me a lot of money to teach you. The least you can do is make an attempt.
Nellie Oleson: I didn't ask to be taught. I didn't ask for this restaurant. And your short.
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: Shall we try again?
Nellie Oleson: Why don't you make a SHORT cake? How 'bout some SHORT ribs? Do we need any SHORTing? You know, you really oughta write a book "Short cuts to cooking!"
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: Would you like to try again?
Nellie Oleson: That only took you a short time.
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: Would you like to try...
Nellie Oleson: No I wouldn't! I wouldn't like to try again! I hate this place, and I hate cooking, and I hate short people! My mother gave me this place so I can get a husband, did you know that? Well, I don't want a husband, and I don't want this place, and I don't want to learn how to separate eggs!
[picks up eggs and starts throwing them into the bowl of egg mixture]
Nellie Oleson: There, Quasimodo, I'm all done!
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: [Looks at Nellie for a few moments, then picks up the bowl of egg yolks and broken eggs and pours them over Nellie's head. Nellie's mouth pops open in absolute shock] . I also have a very short temper. Why your Mother ever built this place for you, I'll never know! You certainly can't cook, and you certainly have no right to be dealing with the public. And as pretty as you are, you don't need a restaurant to catch a husband in the first place.

"Little House on the Prairie: Back to School: Part 2 (#6.2)" (1979)
Nellie Oleson: Something must be wrong with my eyes. I thought I saw you kiss that little girl.
Almanzo James Wilder: For luck. She's got a big test today.
Nellie Oleson: Oh yes. She'll need luck.

Nellie Oleson: Well Laura Dear, what a surprise! Almanzo and I were just having lunch together. How did you do on the test?
Laura Ingalls: It was all history.
Nellie Oleson: You're joking!
Laura Ingalls: Miss Wilder says they're always all history.
Nellie Oleson: Well now that I think back, maybe there was more history than I thought. I hope your not angry.
Laura Ingalls: Why should I be? It wasn't on purpose, was it?
Nellie Oleson: Of course not.
Laura Ingalls: Well, neither is this!
[Shoves her into the muddy lake]

Harriet Oleson: Your Laura did this!
Caroline Ingalls: Laura?
Nellie Oleson: She attacked me! Tried to kill me!
Caroline Ingalls: Why?
Nellie Oleson: Because... I saw her and Almanzo Wilder kissing! And I told her I would tell.
Charles Ingalls: You... saw them... kissing?
Nellie Oleson: She's with him now! They rode off in his buckboard!
Charles Ingalls: They... they rode off in a buckboard, huh?
Nellie Oleson: Toward his place!
Charles Ingalls: Jonathan, I need a ride.
Caroline Ingalls: Charles, don't do anything in haste!
Charles Ingalls: Haste? Oh no Caroline, I'm not going to do anything in haste! I'm going to take all the time in the world while I beat Almanzo Wilder within an inch of his life!

"Little House on the Prairie: The Return of Nellie (#9.8)" (1982)
Nellie Oleson Dalton: I know I was temperamental at her age, but I wasn't that bad. Was I?

Laura Ingalls Wilder: How are you getting along with Nancy?
Nellie Oleson Dalton: Don't ask!
Laura Ingalls Wilder: That bad, huh?
Nellie Oleson Dalton: That bad.
Laura Ingalls Wilder: Well, if it's any consolation to you, she does not get along with anyone.
Nellie Oleson Dalton: I don't blame her. It's mother. She did it to me, and now she's doing the same thing with Nancy!
Laura Ingalls Wilder: You were never that bad.
Nellie Oleson Dalton: I was hoping you'd say that.

"Little House on the Prairie: The Monster of Walnut Grove (#3.5)" (1976)
Laura Ingalls: Your father cut off your mother's head.
Nellie Oleson: He what?
Laura Ingalls: He cut off your mother's head.
Nellie Oleson: Tell my mother that when she comes back from grandma's.

Nellie Oleson: Pa, I'll tell you something if you promise not to laugh.
Nels Oleson: I'll try not to.
Nellie Oleson: Well Laura Ingalls... Silly Laura... She...
Willie Oleson: She said that you cut off Ma's head!

"Little House on the Prairie: Founder's Day (#1.24)" (1975)
Nellie Oleson: My Pa's gonna win the tug of war!
Nellie Oleson: [to Nels] Aren't you gonna be in it?
Nels Oleson: Oh no. It's not my type of thing.
Willie Oleson: Mr. Ingalls is gonna be in it.
Nellie Oleson: It wouldn't hurt you.
Nels Oleson: Absolutely not!
Harriet Oleson: Nels, don't you want the children to be proud of you?
Nels Oleson: Yes, Dear.

Laura Ingalls: We're gonna win the three legged race!
Harriet Oleson: Mrs. Ingalls can't... can she?
Nels Oleson: I don't see why not.
Nellie Oleson: That's not fair! Mrs. Ingalls is a grown up!
Willie Oleson: If she can race, you can. And you can win!
Harriet Oleson: I know... Well, no. I don't think it's proper!
Nels Oleson: Harriet, don't you want the children to be proud of you?

"Little House on the Prairie: Laura Ingalls Wilder: Part 1 (#7.1)" (1980)
[Nellie has stomach pains]
Mrs. Oleson: Do you know what I think it is? I think it's that strange food you make for your husband!
Nellie Oleson: But he likes it, and it doesn't make him sick!
Mrs. Oleson: Well, of course HE likes it - he's used to it! He's Jewish. A person can get used to ANYTHING! Look at the cannibals... they eat each other, and they think it's just dandy!

Dr. Hiram Baker: Nellie's getting dressed. You can go right in.
Mrs. Oleson: Dressed? Dressed?
Dr. Hiram Baker: Now please, Mrs. Oleson! I can't exactly examine a patient who is fully clothed.
Mrs. Oleson: But Dr. Baker, I brought her in here with an upset stomach! I don't understand why she had to take her clothes off!
Dr. Hiram Baker: I'm sure you don't. Nellie will explain.
Mrs. Oleson: What do you mean Nellie will explain?
Dr. Hiram Baker: Yes. She wanted to be the one to tell you.
Mrs. Oleson: Tell me? Oh no...
Mrs. Oleson: Oh Dear no! Oh my...
Dr. Hiram Baker: Mrs. Oleson...
Mrs. Oleson: Oh...
Mrs. Oleson: My poor baby. Isn't there anything you can do?
Dr. Hiram Baker: I'm afraid not.
Mrs. Oleson: Oh... How long?
Dr. Hiram Baker: Six months. At the most.
Nellie Oleson: Mother!
Mrs. Oleson: It's alright, doctor. I'll be alright. She'll need me now. I'll be strong.
Nellie Oleson: Mother...
Mrs. Oleson: Yes, My Darling?
Nellie Oleson: I'm going to have a baby!
[Clunk is heard]

"Little House on the Prairie: Back to School: Part 1 (#6.1)" (1979)
Nellie Oleson: Who's going to do the cooking?
Mrs. Oleson: What?
Nellie Oleson: I said, who's going to do the cooking?
Mrs. Oleson: Well darling, who's name is on the window?
Nels Oleson: Was on the window.
Mrs. Oleson: Oh Nels, please!
Nellie Oleson: Mother, I don't like to cook.
Mrs. Oleson: I know darling. You don't like to cook at home. But after all, this is your own, very own restaurant!
Nels Oleson: Mother, I don't like cooking... At home or here!

Mrs. Oleson: Now, Nellie dear... I want you to understand what it means to have an establishment such as this - what the advantages are in having it. When I first met your father, I had a small mercantile business. Of course, he was quite smitten with me when he first laid eyes on me. But... well, having such a business... Well, it rather helped getting married, shall I say. Of course, I realize that there are many young men around Hero Township that have their cap set for you. But, maybe they're just shy. Or perhaps they're just afraid that they can't support you in the manner in which you're accustomed. Do I make myself clear, Nellie?
Nellie Oleson: Yes, Mother.
Mrs. Oleson: Good. Now, do you like y our gift?
Nellie Oleson: Yes, Mother.
Mrs. Oleson: Good. Now, are there any more questions?
Nellie Oleson: Yes.
Mrs. Oleson: Mm?
Nellie Oleson: Who's going to do the cooking?

"Little House on the Prairie: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: Part 2 (#6.24)" (1980)
Nellie Oleson Dalton: I thought you could use some pie. It's nice and hot.
Charles Ingalls: No thanks, Nellie.
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: Don't be afraid, Mr. Ingalls. You might be surprised.
Charles Ingalls: I'm sure I will be.

Nellie Oleson Dalton: I love you! I love you!
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: I don't know what to say.
Nellie Oleson Dalton: Well, do you?
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: Yes. I love you too. But what about uh... I'm not going to get any taller
Nellie Oleson Dalton: And I'm not going to get any shorter!

"Little House on the Prairie: Quarantine (#3.13)" (1977)
Nellie Oleson: Little Willie with a shout gouged the baby's eyeballs out. Stomped on them to make them pop, Mother cried, now William stop!

Nellie Oleson: Little Wilie with a brand new sash fell in the fire, was burned to an ash!

"Little House on the Prairie: Troublemaker (#2.17)" (1976)
Mary Ingalls: You say that again, and I'll slap your face!
Nellie Oleson: You do and I'll pull your hair out by the roots!

"Little House on the Prairie: The Cheaters (#5.11)" (1978)
Nellie Oleson: Do you know how I get good grades?
Andrew 'Andy' Garvey: I guess so. You study hard and your naturally smart.
Nellie Oleson: No. I cheat.

"Little House on the Prairie: Portrait of Love (#7.6)" (1980)
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: You made me promise not to argue with your mother and I have been trying, have I now?
Nellie Oleson Dalton: Yes you have.
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: I didn't yell when your mother insisted that you have supper lying down on the sofa, did I?
Nellie Oleson Dalton: No.
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: And I didn't yell when your mother started serving breakfast in bed rather I was up or not, now did I?
Nellie Oleson Dalton: No you didn't.
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: No.
Nellie Oleson Dalton: But now... Just now... Your Mother informed me that I am no longer allowed to sleep in the same bed with my wife!
[Turns angrily and gets face-to-face with Caroline]
Nellie Oleson Dalton: Mrs. Ingalls
[Nods acknowledgement]
Nellie Oleson Dalton: ... Nellie, I'm going to ask your permission to allow me to break my promise and yell at your Mother.
Nellie Oleson Dalton: [Hears her mother calling] You have my permission.

"Little House on the Prairie: The Voice of Tinker Jones (#1.11)" (1974)
Nellie Oleson: Wait till I tell my mother!
Mary Ingalls: No. He wants it to be our secret.
Nellie Oleson: Well!
Laura Ingalls: If you tell your mother, you won't have anybody to play with.
Nellie Oleson: [Mouth pops open in shock]
Laura Ingalls: Or... anybody to be mean to!
Nellie Oleson: [Mouth opens even wider]
Willie Oleson: She's right.
Nellie Oleson: All right. I'll help.

"Little House on the Prairie: School Mom (#1.9)" (1974)
Harriet Oleson: Didn't you tell the children I was going to teach today?
Nellie Oleson: We did.
Willie Oleson: That's the trouble.

"Little House on the Prairie: Soldier's Return (#2.21)" (1976)
Granville Whipple: I want you to practice an hour every day.
Nellie Oleson: Yes sir, but I probably won't need an hour every day. My mother said it won't take me nearly as long as most.

"Little House on the Prairie: The Election (#3.20)" (1977)
Nellie Oleson: It is my pleasure and honor to stand before you today and candidate to be your president. There are many reasons why you should vote for me. First because my mother is the member of the school board... and finally, you should vote for me because my mother will give a party if I win. Cake and ice cream for everyone, and everyone who votes for me is invited!

"Little House on the Prairie: Crossed Connections (#6.12)" (1979)
Harriet Oleson: I swear, I will never understand that woman as long as I live! It's one thing to be poor, but its another thing to admit it.
Nellie Oleson: Well, the poor are ignorant, Mother. That's why they never amount to anything.
Harriet Oleson: How true, how true! Thank heavens we're rich!
Nellie Oleson: Amen.

"Little House on the Prairie: At the End of the Rainbow (#2.10)" (1975)
Nellie Oleson: Whispering's rude!
Laura Ingalls: So is listening in to the people who are doing it.

"Little House on the Prairie: Country Girls (#1.2)" (1974)
[repeated line]
Nellie Oleson: Country girls.

"Little House on the Prairie: The Richest Man in Walnut Grove (#2.1)" (1975)
Nellie Oleson: I wonder why Laura Ingalls doesn't come in the store anymore?
Willie Oleson: Because she's too poor to buy anything - that's why!
Nellie Oleson: So's her father. Mother says he can't even afford to pay what he owes in the store. He just spends all day cleaning up after horses.
Laura: My pa works hard.
Nellie Oleson: So does a mule.

"Little House on the Prairie: Four Eyes (#2.2)" (1975)
Nellie Oleson: Well, look at Miss Four Eyes!
Willie Oleson: Mary has four eyes! Four eyes!
Laura Ingalls: You be quiet, Willie!
Willie Oleson: Well, Mary has four eyes. Two real ones and two glass ones. Four eyes!
Laura Ingalls: And your gonna have two black ones!

"Little House on the Prairie: Blind Journey: Part 1 (#5.12)" (1978)
Harriet Oleson: Oh for Heaven's Sake, don't you know your Bible? It explicitly says: "Look not upon me because I am black."
Nels Oleson: That's from the Song of Solomon, Harriet. It's supposed to be a love song, not hate propaganda. And the quotation goes on to say "I am black because the sun hath darkened me." And it also says "I am black, but beautiful."
Harriet Oleson: And that only goes to prove that even the Devil can quote the scriptures.
Nels Oleson: I know.
Nellie Oleson: Mother says that colored people are that way because they bare the mark of Cain and so they are never going to get into Heaven. Is that right, Father?
Nels Oleson: Of course not!
Harriet Oleson: Hare dare you contradict me?
Nellie Oleson: She also says that colored people don't have souls because they're not made in the image of God.
Nels Oleson: Oh! Oh, have you actually seen God, Harriet?

"Little House on the Prairie: The Family Tree (#6.3)" (1979)
Nellie Oleson: Hello, Laura.
Laura: Hi, Nellie.
Nellie Oleson: Willie told me all about your class project. How's yours coming?
Laura: I haven't started it yet.
Nellie Oleson: I see. It must be very hard tracing all your relatives. Names and everything. Have to spend all that time in the forest or wherever it is you're from.
Laura: It's called the Big Woods and I'll manage thank you.
Nellie Oleson: You know the Oleson family goes all the way back to royalty. We come from heads of state and titles for most of my relatives.
Laura: Like Nero and Ivan the Terrible?

"Little House on the Prairie: The Gift (#2.11)" (1975)
Laura Ingalls: Why can't you be like the rest of the children and join in?
Nellie Oleson: Mother says we're not like the rest of the children.
Laura Ingalls: I suppose she's right.

"Little House on the Prairie: Haunted House (#2.5)" (1975)
Nellie Oleson: What did he say?
Laura Ingalls: He said he wanted to see you , Nellie.
Nellie Oleson: What?
Laura Ingalls: He said he wanted to see you. And Willie too.
Nellie Oleson: Uh, I gotta go home and do some chores now.
Willie Oleson: Uh... Me too.

"Little House on the Prairie: There's No Place Like Home: Part 2 (#5.6)" (1978)
Nellie Oleson: I can't believe anyone can be that thirsty!
Albert Quinn Ingalls: I'm sure you can't. You've never done anything to get that thirsty about.

"Little House on the Prairie: Bunny (#3.2)" (1976)
Nellie Oleson: Serves you right. I told you not to feed my horse.
Laura: She likes apples.
Nellie Oleson: I don't care what she likes! She's not your horse anymore. She's mine. And I told you to stay away from her! You only do it because you want her to like you more than she likes me.
Laura: So that's why you give Miss Beadle apples.

"Little House on the Prairie: Castoffs (#4.1)" (1977)
Nellie Oleson: I don't see any coffee.
Mary Ingalls: Nellie!
Nellie Oleson: Well, this is dumb! I don't see any coffee!
Kezia Horn: Well then, you'll have to leave.
Nellie Oleson: What?
Kezia Horn: You can't drink coffee you can't see. You might burn yourself.

"Little House on the Prairie: The Lake Kezia Monster (#5.19)" (1979)
Nellie Oleson: [Screaming] Kill it!
Mrs. Oleson: [Screaming] Yes! Shot it! Kill it!
Nellie Oleson: [Screaming] You've got the gun!

"Little House on the Prairie: The Rivals (#4.14)" (1978)
Laura Ingalls: How did you attract him
[talking about Nellie and Luke's brief marriage]
Nellie Oleson: Well, that's obvious, isn't it? My natural attributes.
Laura Ingalls: Like what?
Nellie Oleson: Like my naturally curly hair and my good looks. Ma says I'm beautiful but I wouldn't go that far.
Laura Ingalls: Neither would I.

"Little House on the Prairie: Fagin (#5.7)" (1978)
Nellie Oleson: Oh it's Pa now, is it?
Laura Ingalls: Leave me alone.
Nellie Oleson: Well, your father's always wanted a son. Guess he finally got one.
Laura Ingalls: Shut up, Nellie!
Nellie Oleson: What's a matter, Nellie? Don't you like your new brother?
Laura Ingalls: [PUNCH]

"Little House on the Prairie: The Winoka Warriors (#5.3)" (1978)
Nellie Oleson: I agree with Mother.
Nels Oleson: Shut up, Nellie!

"Little House on the Prairie: The Handyman (#4.4)" (1977)
Nellie Oleson: When the cat's away, the mice do play. Isn't that what Mother said?
Willie Oleson: I wonder what it means.
Nellie Oleson: I don't know. Do you know what it means, Mary?
Mary Ingalls: What?
Nellie Oleson: Oh no you wouldn't. You're too young.
Willie Oleson: Well, what's it mean?
Nellie Oleson: Shut up! I bet your mother knows.
Laura Ingalls: What's she talking about?
Mary Ingalls: Nothing. Just eat your lunch.
Nellie Oleson: Some folks call it Monkey business.
Willie Oleson: I know what that is. It's when a monkey goes...
Nellie Oleson: Shut up! I bet even Mary knows what monkey business is. Don't you, Mary. Thank hard. Monkey business... monkey business... monkey business...
[Mary slaps Nellie]

"Little House on the Prairie: The Camp-Out (#2.9)" (1975)
Harriet Oleson: Well, if that isn't just like the Ingalls. Giving their children an unfair advantage.
Nellie Oleson: Laura and Mary will find all kinds of leaves that nobody can find around here.
Nels Oleson: I happen to know that Charles has been planning this fishing trip for weeks.
Harriet Oleson: Well, you certainly don't think that he's going to spend all his time fishing, do you? I happen to know that he sets great store by his children. So he's gonna help them all he can.
Willie Oleson: Yeah, it's not fair!
Nels Oleson: Well, I don't know what you expect me to do about it.
Harriet Oleson: I expect you to find out where they're going. Then take your son... your daughter to the exact same spot.
Nels Oleson: I can't do that! A man doesn't just intrude on another man's Holiday.
Harriet Oleson: The forests and the rivers belong to you as much as they do to him.

"Little House on the Prairie: Town Party-Country Party (#1.7)" (1974)
Nellie Oleson: Well I'm not just fine! That pond's dangerous, Mr. Ingalls. It's got a crab that's that big! Come close to getting my whole toe bit off!
Nellie Oleson: .
Charles Ingalls: [Nods and gives Laura the eye] Now I wonder where Nellie got the idea that the crab could bite her toe off?
Laura Ingalls: I think it would be a good idea if we walk home a ways with our guests.
Charles Ingalls: Why don't you do that?

"Little House on the Prairie: To See the Light: Part 1 (#7.10)" (1980)
Harriet Oleson: For your information, I'm not fat. I'm large boned!
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: Oh?
Harriet Oleson: Yes!
Percival Isaac Cohen Dalton: That would be difficult to determine since your bones are buried so deep beneath the surface.
Harriet Oleson: Nellie, are you going to stand there and let this little thing insult your Mother like that?
Nellie Oleson Dalton: I have to, Mother. He's right.