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Quotes for
Stimpy (Character)
from "The Ren & Stimpy Show" (1991)

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"Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon': Naked Beach Frenzy (#1.5)" (2003)
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Did that bad man pinch you up?
Ren Höek: Just put me down Stimpy.
Lifeguard: Hey you you're that chiminny sand crab guy! You son of a bitch you made me kiss you! Wait till i get my hairs on you!

Ren Höek: Help!
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Oh hi Ren gee this is a good job isn't it?
Ren Höek: You idiot! I'm sinking over here! Help! Stimpy help!
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: I'm coming honey!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Wow Ren. What a great idea you had to come to the beach today. I didn't know your in to such good clean wholesome fun.
Ren Höek: Yeah yeah. Wholesome.
Beachball Girl: My ball! My ball! Darn you you slippery old ball!
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: And isn't this fresh air great Ren?
Ren Höek: That's right Stimpy. Fresh air's good for the lungs. It pumps them up and makes them healthy.
Beachball Girl: I just can't keep my hands on that ball.
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: And don't forget how important exercise is Ren.
Ren Höek: Oh i love exercise!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: I knew you'd like thongs Ren. Floss me.

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: I can hardly hold my bladder.

"Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon': Altruists (#1.6)" (2003)
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: That lump is right beside that open window. What Luck!
Ren Höek: Luck had nothing to do with it!

Ren Höek: Stimpy don't just stand there. Why don't you give her your bra?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Not the one you gave me for our anniversary!
Ren Höek: Stimpy shame! Don't be so selfish. It's a good cause.

Ren Höek: Hey dumb ass how does it feel to do good deeds?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Oh it feels wonderful.

Ren Höek: Hey idiot! What the hell were you thinking? Didn't you read that sign?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Wow that sure is one ugly costumer Ren.

"Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon': Onward and Upward (#1.1)" (2003)
[Ren kicks the homeless guy in his testicles]
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Hey. What did you do that for, Ren?
Ren Höek: Aw, it's an ancient custom. You've got to give your house a good kick in it's ballsack before you leave it. Everybody knows that.

Ren Höek: What do you think is the difference between boogers and goobers Stimpinton?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: A stooge question Renwick. Why don't we ask the greatest genius in the world.
Ren Höek: Who's that?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Dr. Stupid. Who else?

Ren Höek: What did i just tell you? Who's the pitcher who's the catcher?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: You're the pitcher i'm the catcher you're the pitcher i'm the catcher. See?

Ren Höek: What a dump! I'm sorry Stimpy but i'm just too damn tired tonight. I just gotta get some sleep. Bugger off okay?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: But Ren.
Ren Höek: What is is now Stimpy?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: I have needs.
Ren Höek: Oh i don't give a rat's ass about your needs. Oh Stimpy! Close your eyes and pucker up.
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Joy!
Ren Höek: Oh what i'm going to do to Stimpy oh yes it's so good look. Look a rat's ass. Here it is!
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Sighs.

"Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon': Ren Seeks Help (#1.2)" (2003)
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Aaaagh! Ohh! You monster! How can you say those horrible things to me? Augh! Ohh. You son of a bitch! Oh you bastard!
Ren Höek: I'm sorry Stimpy. I don't know why i do these things to you! I'm just a pig! Please forgive me!
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Don't you touch me you beast! Forgive me! Words empty words that's all they are! No not this time you've gone to far this time Ren! Aaaaagh!

Ren Höek: I know i'm insane Stimpy. I know i can't control my violent errors. But this time i'll do something about it. I'll seek help. I'll do it for you.
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Don't do it for me. Don't do it for me. Do it FOR YOURSELF! Augggh! I'm gonna kill you!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: [angrily at Ren] I'd kill you right here, right now with my own 2 fucking hands! You vile, cock-sucking, shit-eating MOTHERFUCKER!

"Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon': Stimpy's Pregnant (#1.7)" (2003)
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: I'm going to have your baby!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Calm down Ren.
Ren Höek: CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? YOU ASK ME TO CALM DOWN? Your the one that's poisoned!
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Poisoned? Is that what you call it? That poison is our love child.

Ren Höek: What shall we name him?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: How about Little Ricky.
Ren Höek: Little Ricky.
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Didn't i tell you Ren he looks just like you.
Ren Höek: Yeah but he smells just like you.
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: Oh Ren you're so sweet.
Ren Höek: My seed.

"Drawn Together: The Lemon AIDS Walk (#2.12)" (2006)
Stimpy: Hey, can we get this game going already?

"The Ren & Stimpy Show: Mad Dog Höek/Haunted House (#2.5)" (1992)
Stimpson J. Cat: This looks a great place to kill twelve minutes.

"Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon': Fire Dogs 2: Part 2 (#1.4)" (2003)
Fire Chief: [to Ren and Stimpy] Do you guys wanna watch me take a dump?
Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat: [Excitedly] Yes!

"Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon': Man's Best Friend (#1.0)" (2003)
Stimpson J. 'Stimpy' Cat: You're my kind and beloved master i can't!
Ren Höek: But i can! Drop and Give me twenty!

"The Ren & Stimpy Show: The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen (#2.12)" (1993)
Stimpy: Ren! Don't talk like that! Remember the Anthem of the Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!
[Blows a note on his whistle]
Stimpy: Our Country reeks of trees. Our Yaks are really large. And they smell like rotting beef-carcasses. And we have to clean up after them. And our saddle sores are the best. We proudly wear women's clothing and searing sand blows up our skirts. And the buzzards they fly overhead. And poisonous snakes will devour us whole. Our bones will bleach in the sun. And we will probably go to
["Hell" is censored]
Stimpy: and that is our great reward for being the Roy-oy-al Canadian Kilted Yaksmen! Everybody!

"The Ren & Stimpy Show: Stimpy's Cartoon Show (#3.4)" (1994)
Wilbur J. Cobb: [on the phone, with his chair turned away from Ren and Stimpy] Listen, I own this town! Melted from scratch out of bale wire, and blastin' caps!
Stimpson J. Cat: Ah-h-h-hem!
Wilbur J. Cobb: Later, babe. I got a 12 PM, I can't do lunch.
[Cobb turns around to reveal he's speaking not into a phone, but into a seashell]
Wilbur J. Cobb: Thursday? Yeah, yes, I'll get right under it.
[Cobb sets down the seashell, and a crab craws into his ear]
Wilbur J. Cobb: Well well, girlies, what can ya do for me?
Stimpson J. Cat: Uh, uh, here is the cartoon movie I have brought to show you. I hope you...
Wilbur J. Cobb: Ssssh! The walls have teeth. Us Italians have to stick together, ya know. Now, what is it ya have for me?
[Cobb takes off his glasses, which takes his eyes with them]
Stimpson J. Cat: My, my film?
Wilbur J. Cobb: The film! The film, of course, the film! Have I ever told you how we made that film? We spent hundreds of millions of hours and dollars on that film, and, and it was a lot of cra, a bunch of cra, a, a whole bunch of cra, a lot of...
Stimpson J. Cat: Uh, "crap"?
Wilbur J. Cobb: No! Walter Lantz! No account son of a busdriver. Hahaha. Now get this...
[as Cobb stands up, his arms fall off]
Wilbur J. Cobb: If you want to be a genius, it's easy: All you gotta say is, "Everything stinks." Then, you're never wrong. That's how much of a genius I am! That's how I got to where I am today!
[Cobb briefly flashes a G-string]
Wilbur J. Cobb: Then, we got smart. We are not, will not, be the janitor of these starry-eyed amateurs.
[hacks so hard, his dentures fly out of his mouth and into Ren's mouth]
Wilbur J. Cobb: World War I: There I was, up to my elbows in Nazis. Now, don't get me wrong: I'll eat just about anything, just so long as it's easy to swallow.
[Ren struggles and swallows the dentures]
Wilbur J. Cobb: Now, to make a moving picture, ya gotta have two things: Pushers and shovers. Oh, we made mistakes, but I don't regret it, no sir.
[Cobb's right ear slides off his face and onto Stimpy]
Wilbur J. Cobb: Fortunately, everybody can't be a chief. The chief is not only the right-hand man, but also the left-hand man. He is the short man, he is the tall man! From one man to another, he is no man whatsoever! Ya got that, shorty?
[Ren winces at Cobb's bad breath. Cobb notices Stimpy is holding his ear; Stimpy wears it as an impromptu hat and laughs nervously]
Wilbur J. Cobb: Now get this: They either got it, or they don't got it. But gosh darn it, I can hold my water! Until the masses cry, "Cheat the plate!" And I say unto them, "Let the doves free!"
["Hallelujah Chorus" plays]
Wilbur J. Cobb: Any questions?