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Quotes for
David Wallace (Character)
from "The Office" (2005)

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"The Office: The Job (#3.23)" (2007)
David Wallace: So I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty, but after some more thought, I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. Great. I'm so glad. We're all very excited you're going to be joining us. It'll be nice to have another MBA around here.
Ryan Howard: I'm excited, too. Okay. Bye.
Kelly Kapoor: Who was that?
Ryan Howard: Nobody,
[short pause]
Ryan Howard: You and I are done.
Kelly Kapoor: What?
[glances at the camera]

Jan Levinson: [barging into David's office] You son of a bitch.
David Wallace: Jan, this isn't the time. I'm in an interview.
Jan Levinson: You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off?
David Wallace: Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic.
Jan Levinson: Erratic?
David Wallace: Recently you haven't even shown interest in your work! You smoke constantly in your office; you spend most of the day online shopping; you disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days, always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale; you go to Scranton far more often than you need to...
Jan Levinson: [takes off jacket, exposing cleavage] Is it because of these?
Michael Scott: [sulking outside of office] Whoa, hey, whoa, Jan...
Jan Levinson: I wanna know! I wanna know because if it is, then-then I will see you in court!
David Wallace: It's not. It's not.
Jan Levinson: [indicating Michael] 'Cause he likes them, okay? He likes them! A-and that is all I care about.
David Wallace: The time has come for you to end your professional relationship with this company. You are clearly unstable.
Michael Scott: Hey, you're unstable.
[David glares at Michael]
Jan Levinson: Yeah!
Michael Scott: Nope. We're all unstable, so...
Jan Levinson: Okay, you know what, I'm just not leaving! I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving.
Michael Scott: David, I did not tell her.

"The Office: New Boss (#5.18)" (2009)
Michael Scott: [on telephone] David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
David Wallace: What gave you that idea?
Michael Scott: [pausing] It was my understand.
David Wallace: I see.
Michael Scott: Listen, why don't we just leave the position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.

"The Office: Stress Relief (#5.13)" (2009)
Michael Scott: Dwight. We are not mad, we are just disappointed.
David Wallace: No, we are mad.
Michael Scott: Yes, we are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
Dwight Schrute: Thank you.
David Wallace: No, we're not.
Michael Scott: I am not a mind reader, David.

"The Office: Broke (#5.23)" (2009)
Michael Scott: If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company, and then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names.
David Wallace: Michael...
Michael Scott: That's one of 'em. Yes. There are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court.

"The Office: Cocktails (#3.17)" (2007)
David Wallace: This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty-year-old single-malt scotch.
Michael Scott: Here is to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the DeLorean.

"The Office: Frame Toby (#5.8)" (2008)
Michael Scott: Is there no way we can get rid of him?
David Wallace: Not without cause, Michael.
Michael Scott: I have cause. It is because I hate him.

"The Office: Golden Ticket (#5.17)" (2009)
David Wallace: Pam, do me a favor, don't send me those notes.

"The Office: Company Picnic (#5.26)" (2009)
[trying to stall the game until Pam returns]
Dwight Schrute: How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four?
David Wallace: Dwight...
Dwight Schrute: No, no. Hear me out. Five? Six?
David Wallace: Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Seven? Can I finish, please?
David Wallace: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: Eight?