Justin Russo
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Quotes for
Justin Russo (Character)
from "Wizards of Waverly Place" (2007)

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Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie (2009) (TV)
Justin Russo: Mom and Dad don't know each other and they don't know us!
Max Russo: So is this a good thing or a bad thing?
Alex Russo: The kid's got a point.
Justin Russo: This is a very *very* bad thing!

Alex Russo: Um, right, okay, um, but I, I don't know what to do. Um, Justin, help me, what spell do I use?
Justin Russo: Why would I help you?
Alex Russo: ...because you're my brother. Look, I'm, I'm sorry you didn't...
Justin Russo: I'm your brother?
Alex Russo: No, no, no Justin, please, please, you can't leave me here, please remember!
[Starts to cry]
Alex Russo: I'm Alex, I'm your little sister! I taunt you and I tease you and I make your life miserable, but you love me anyway.
[Justin looks at her strangely]
Alex Russo: You're everything that I ever wanted to be. I'm jealous of how, how smart you are and how kind and how nice. Please don't leave me here!
Justin Russo: I'll never leave you. I don't know who you are, but... I believe you.
[They hug]

Justin Russo: [shouts] Hey Alex!
Alex Russo: [shouts back, overjoyed, and runs off] JUSTIN! MAX!
Theresa Russo: You MISS your BROTHERS?

Justin Russo: Next time this comes around, I'm not taking it easy...
Alex Russo: Oh, whatever!

Justin Russo: Magic was used to protect the bag, reverse the spell, release the... hag.
Alex Russo: Okay. Fine. I went through your stupid bag... hag?

Alex Russo: ...Justin took it out of the lair without permission. My respect for you is increasing!
Justin Russo: I didn't take it. Dad gave it to me.
Alex Russo: And it's shrinking again.

Harper: [Justin saved Alex and Harper from being killed in the runaway train turned diner room with a spell] Justin, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Alex Russo: Harper, don't thank him. He just did it so he can run off and tell on me.
Justin Russo: Okay, normally, yeah, I would do that.
[aside to Harper]
Justin Russo: It's pretty funny when she gets all...
[Harper laughs]
Justin Russo: But I'm not about to go tell Mom and Dad something that's gonna ruin their vacation one night before it happens. For once, I'm not gonna let you destroy something important to me.
Alex Russo: Then we're good, 'cause they're not gonna hear it from me.
Justin Russo: And do you know why they're not gonna hear it from me?
Alex Russo: Didn't we just have this conversation?
Justin Russo: Because I just did my first spell using a full powered Wizard wand. And if I must say...
Alex Russo: He must...
Justin Russo: It went perfectly!
[looks at diner car]
Justin Russo: Oh.
[Spots something on the diner wall and blows it off - two seconds later the whole wall comes crashing down around them]
Justin Russo: ... Almost perfect.

Justin Russo: Sticky note to self: "Do not forget to bring Sticky notes." Ahh!

Theresa Russo: You know its where your father and I first met each other...
Alex Russo: She's going to tell it!
Justin Russo: Mom, please don't tell it.
Theresa Russo: Did I ever tell you that story?
Max Russo: Aaand, she's telling it.

Alex Russo: [about the forbidden spell book] Dad, how could you give this to Justin? It's forbidden. You said that we weren't allowed to touch it. You said that we weren't ready.
Justin Russo: I think by "we", he meant "you".

Justin Russo: Dude, this is gonna be the best vacation ever.
Max Russo: Are there gonna be volcanoes?
Justin Russo: No.
Max Russo: Then how great can it be?

Alex Russo: I know you have the wand.
Justin Russo: What? No, no, no. I don't have the wand. I don't know why you would think I have the wand. I wouldn't take the wand from Mom and Dad because that would be... You went through my stuff again.
Alex Russo: Didn't have to. There's no way you could stay on that windsurfer.
Justin Russo: Well, the wind was blowing really hard. What was I... You? No, no, no. That's impossible. You can't do weather spells unless you have a wand. Or you use... You have the spell book. You're not even gonna try to deny it?
Alex Russo: Why? Okay, so here's the fun blackmailing part. Let me use the wand or I'll tell Dad you really did take it without permission this time.
Justin Russo: Fine. Then I'll tell Dad you took the book.
Alex Russo: So? I'm not the good one. Please. I found this amazing agreement spell that'll make Mom and Dad agree to anything for six hours, but I don't have enough power on my own. I need the wand.
Justin Russo: So just tell me. I already have the power.
Alex Russo: Fine. You sneak out of dinner, do a forbidden spell and risk eternal grounding.
Justin Russo: Right, you do the spell, I'll go keep Mom and Dad busy.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Who Will Be the Family Wizard? (#4.27)" (2012)
Jerry Russo: How often does Uncle Kelbo come around? A couple times a year. Aunt Megan - never. You know why? Because we let the competition come between us. Promise you'll stick together no matter who becomes the family wizard.
Justin Russo: I promise, dad.
Alex Russo: I promise.
Max Russo: I promise.
Jerry Russo: Not to me - to yourselves.

Justin Russo: Okay. Okay. She's stuck in griffin spit. That's what they do to hold food for their hatchlings.
Harper Finkle: Ew ew ew.
Max Russo: [Tasting the substance] Yep, that's griffin - bird with a hint of cat.

Max Russo: I can't believe this. I-I-I prepared myself - knowing that the next time I walked through that portal, one of us would be the family wizard - not none of us would be the family wizard.
Justin Russo: And not just us - any Russo from now on. Alex just cut down our family tree and *burned* it!
Alex Russo: I told you I though we would come back in time.
Theresa Russo: Come on, Justin. Now's not the time to point fingers.
Jerry Russo: Remember you promised each other not to let the competition come between you.
Justin Russo: There is no competition. So the deal's off - because of *her*.

Jerry Russo: I'm selling the business
Justin Russo: What? Why?
Jerry Russo: Well, I always loved the Substation because it was a family business. But we're not much of a family anymore.
[Jerry leaves]
Alex Russo: Well, dad, aren't you rushing into this? Wha - dad?
Max Russo: Mom, what's going to happen?
Theresa Russo: I don't know. But your father is... heartbroken.

Chancellor Tootietootie: Somebody want to check on Justin's buzzer?
Justin Russo: [Justin hits his buzzer] It's working.
Chancellor Tootietootie: Evem more embarrassing.

Justin Russo: [as Alex tries to free Justin from a tree root he's stuck on] What are you doing?
Alex Russo: I don't want to win this way.

Justin Russo: [to Alex] I think you're the one who deserves this.
Professor Crumbs: Is this true, Alex?
Alex Russo: Justin...
Justin Russo: It's okay, you deserve this more than anyone. I um, think you're going to make a great wizard.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Report Card (#1.17)" (2008)
Alex Russo: [Professor Crumb, about to take Alex's powers, is turned into guinea pig] Don't look at me, I don't have my powers!
Jerry Russo: [shocked] Justin?
Justin Russo: ...I panicked!

[first lines]
Justin Russo: Got it.
Alex Russo: Does he have to say, "Got it" after every question? It's throwing me off on my exam.
Max Russo: [surprised] We're taking an exam?

Justin Russo: I don't know why you guys even bother taking the tests. We all know that I'm the one that's gonna win the family wizard contest and keep my powers.
Jerry Russo: That's not for a long while, Justin.
Alex Russo: And what if they change the rules so only girls keep their powers? Oh, wait, you still might win.
Justin Russo: Oh, Alex, you're so transparent. You know that I'm better than you at magic, so you have to lash out and make fun of me. And you don't take any of this magic seriously.
Alex Russo: I can't take *you* seriously. You use big words like "transparent". What are you, British?
[Professor Crumbs suddenly appears]
Professor Crumb: No, but I am.

[Prof. Crumbs has arrived at the Russo household to collect the Russo siblings' exams and grade them]
Max Russo: Why doesn't Dad just grade our papers?
Professor Crumb: So that no one will get better grades just by batting their eyes and trying to look cute.
Alex Russo: [batting her eyes and looking cute] Are you talking about me?
Justin Russo: [mocking Alex's expression] Alex, you're doing it right now.

[Justin and Max have lost Alex's guinea pigs that are really their parents transformed and try to figure out a solution]
Max Russo: We'll go to the pet store. They always give me a treat.
Justin Russo: Those are dog biscuits.
Max Russo: I know. What do you think keeps my teeth so white and my hair so shiny?

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Disenchanted Evening (#1.5)" (2007)
Justin Russo: I'm staying here to watch your plan blow up and pop. Metaphor.
Alex Russo: Well I'll be the one laughing like a hyena.
Justin Russo: Simile.
Alex Russo: No, animal joke.

Justin Russo: TJ Taylor's a wizard? Then that magic act he did at the school talent show was fake... I mean real, which is what made it fake. Oh, he needs to return that first-place ribbon; I'm making a call.

Justin Russo: I can hardly believe mom and dad would be okay with this.
Alex Russo: Of course they're okay with it, just like TJ's parents are. That's what charming your parents means.
Justin Russo: Mom and dad are charmed?
[Alex nods]
Justin Russo: What! How! When! Who!
Alex Russo: Mom and dad.
Justin Russo: What! How! When!
Alex Russo: At dinner.
Justin Russo: What! How!
Alex Russo: It was in the kugel.
Justin Russo: What!
Alex Russo: Justin, I think you know what!

Theresa Russo: [to Justin] Have some kugel.
Justin Russo: I'm allergic to cinnamon. That's why I get my own pie at Thanksgiving.
Theresa Russo: Oh, yeah, the bland pie.

[Justin opens his locker after Alex tells him to use magic to do it]
Alex Russo: That's not magic.
Justin Russo: How do you know I didn't forget my locker combination and then use magic to remember it?
Alex Russo: Because you made up a locker combination song. Right to clear it, come on, let's hear it...
[Justin joins in]
Alex Russo, Justin Russo: [in unison] ... 23, left eight digits, but don't fidget, 31, now for the last, don't go too fast, six, and you're off to class. Whoo!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Captain Jim Bob Sherwood (#3.22)" (2010)
[first lines]
Justin Russo: Guys! Guys, is the mail here yet?
Theresa Russo: Ah, Justin. You have been so anxious about the mail all week, honey. It's just a dollar twenty-five rebate on maple syrup. Give him two fifty to get him to stop talking about it, Jerry.
Jerry Russo: I don't carry that kind of cash! How 'bout half a banana?

Justin Russo: There are no evil queens in Jim Bob's world.
Alex Russo: There's always an evil queen. Sometimes she's the head cheerleader; sometimes she's the fairytale stepmother; sometimes she's your sister.

[last lines]
Alex Russo: Oh, look, a review for the comic book.
Justin Russo: Ooh.
Alex Russo: [reads] "In the new issue of 'Captain Jim Bob Sherwood's Adventures'"...
Justin Russo: Oh-ho.
Alex Russo: -"the baton has been passed on to a new artistic team."
Justin Russo: That's us!
Alex Russo: "Sherwood is sucked into an alternate frontier that's riddled with crime and food he's never encountered before."
Justin Russo: Hunh.
Alex Russo: "He rescues Jessica Moon and returns to Farmtown with an intergalactic recipe for fajitas."
Justin Russo: Fajitas.
Alex Russo: "The Russo sisters, Alex and Justine, have taken over the reins with flair."
Justin Russo: What! Did you say Justine!
Alex Russo: Wow! Sometimes I don't have to do anything, and I still win.
Justin Russo: I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to the reviewer.
Alex Russo: Yeah, good luck with that, sis.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Pop Me and We Both Go Down (#1.10)" (2008)
Justin Russo: In walks this brand new girl, and she is the hottest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Jerry Russo: Eva Longoria goes to your school?
Theresa Russo: [offended] Eva Longoria?

Alex Russo: Miranda Hampson? Isn't she that new goth girl in eleventh grade?
Justin Russo: She's not goth. She just likes wearing black and dark makeup and listens to bands that are kind of scary.
Alex Russo: Oh, so not goth. But goth.

[last lines]
Theresa Russo: So, how long have you been in this line of work?
Trophy Man: Well, since the first Olympics, but I was just on a medal back then. I've done all kinds of trophies.
Alex Russo: What about tennis?
[Trophy Man poses as tennis player]
Justin Russo: World's fastest typist?
[Trophy Man poses as typist]
Trophy Man: Yeah. Oh, you know what other trophy I've done?
[leans toward Theresa]
Trophy Man: World's greatest kisser.
Jerry Russo: All right, all right, it's past everybody's bedtime. It's time for you to get back on the pedestal. Alex.
Alex Russo: Garybay eemobilitay.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Movies (#1.9)" (2007)
Jerry Russo: [trying to teach spells] Okay, you haven't eaten for days and you're starving and in desperate need of a sandwich. What do you do?
Alex Russo: I go down to the sandwich shop and ask Mom to make me a sandwich.
Jerry Russo: Yes, but Mom's not there.
Justin Russo: Where's Mom?
Jerry Russo: She left the country.
Justin Russo: Left the country! Why? Is she okay?
Jerry Russo: She's fine!
Alex Russo: Well if she's fine I don't see why she couldn't make me a sandwich.

Justin Russo: [reciting a spell] We've had enough of all these fears, so hurry up and get us out of here.

Justin Russo: [reciting a spell] I'm scared of what might happen next, so take us to the mondoplex!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: First Kiss (#1.2)" (2007)
Alex Russo: If you don't do it
[kiss Miranda]
Alex Russo: soon, she's gonna think that you're really not into her. And then someone's gonna have to play chess by themselves.
Justin Russo: I already do that!

Justin Russo: [unbelief] What did you just do?... You got Mac to ask out my girlfriend.
Alex Russo: Oh. Wait, I can fix this. Here's a cute girl.
[turns girl around]
Alex Russo: Kiss her.
Justin Russo: This is my Spanish teacher!
[says something in Spanish to teacher and she walks away]
Justin Russo: [to Alex] I think I just told her my name is library.

Justin Russo: Are those mashed potatoes on a sandwich?
Max Russo: And a bit of chicken schnitz with a peanut butter blanket.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: I Almost Drowned in a Chocolate Fountain (#1.3)" (2007)
Justin Russo: What are pigeons eating nowadays!

[last lines]
Justin Russo: Alex! Wow, thanks for not ratting us out.
Alex Russo: Don't thank me. I didn't rat you out because I'm going to get even for you guys getting even.
Justin Russo: Oh.
Max Russo: Oh no! *Her* getting even is *way* worse than telling.
Justin Russo: [Running upstairs, yells] Dad, it was us!
Max Russo: We did it!
Justin Russo: We gave the elves chocolate!

Harper Finkle: Here comes your brother. I think he's coming over here. Oh, he's so cute. I never know what to say to him.
Alex Russo: Just talk about current events. He loves current events.
Justin Russo: Hey, guys.
Harper Finkle: Alex failed her Spanish midterm!
Alex Russo: Not *that* current.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Delinquent Justin (#3.21)" (2010)
[first lines]
Justin Russo: So those footprints are not walking away; they are walking forward. Congratulations, fellow graduates; now let's get out there and *walk*.
Alex Russo: Justin, are you sure you don't want to use my graduation speech? It goes like this: Later, losers.

Alex Russo: I did this because family is important to me, Justin. I'm so sorry for wanting to do something nice for my brother.
Justin Russo: Oh, family is important to you?
Alex Russo: I needed a heartwarming lead-in.

[last lines]
Alex Russo: I'm so sorry. I should have never created that duplicate in the first place. I guess I was just scared that I really wouldn't have anybody to fight with when you went off to college.
Justin Russo: We've had a lot of pretty good fights, huh? I think we've still got a few good ones left in us. What d'you think?
Alex Russo: I hope so.
Theresa Russo: You guys are hilarious. Just say you love each other.
Alex Russo, Justin Russo: No, we don't!
Alex Russo: Sorry I interfered with your college plans.
Justin Russo: It's all good. When I had that college brain in my head I realized that I knew all that stuff anyway; now it's time to get on with the real learning. Medical school, here I come.
Jerry Russo: How expensive is that?
Theresa Russo: If I told you, you'd need a doctor.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Baby Cupid (#2.10)" (2008)
Justin Russo: [Alex brings Cupid into Waverly place and fails to get rid of him] What are we gonna do? We still have Cupid.
Alex Russo: You said 'we'! So officially, you're in!
Justin Russo: Man! Every time!

Justin Russo: What are we gonna do? We still have Cupid.
Alex Russo: You said 'we'! So officially, you're in!
Justin Russo: Man! Every time!

Alex Russo: Er, Harper... Look, I hate to burst your bubble here, but Justin's only acting like that because Max just shot him with Cupid's love arrow.
Harper Finkle: Gosh! I guess you're right. It's not real love if it comes from his butt and not his heart.
Justin Russo: Mi amore, let's go for a carriage ride around Central Park.
Harper Finkle: But I don't care!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Curb Your Dragon (#1.8)" (2007)
[first lines]
Jerry Russo: [as a goat] OK, Alex, change me back.
Alex Russo: Oh, but, Daddy, you look so cute as a goat.
Max Russo: Let's make him eat a tin can.
Jerry Russo: Not funny, Ma-ax. Alex, change me ba-a-ak.
Alex Russo: OK, OK. Huminoza espinoza.
Jerry Russo: [Jerry returns to human form] Oh!
Justin Russo: We really got your goat, huh, Dad.

Alex Russo: I know losing Willy broke your heart, but the truth is he didn't run away and get lost. He... he got out because... because I kinda let him out.
Justin Russo: It was *you*? Mom and dad told me it was the pizza delivery guy; I haven't eaten pizza in like eight years.
Alex Russo: Don't be mad; I was five; I wanted to take Willy for a walk, and he wanted to go for a run.
Justin Russo: You saying you feel guilty
Alex Russo: Rarely, but yes.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: The Supernatural (#1.15)" (2008)
Justin Russo: I never liked baseball, anyway.
Jerry Russo: Then why did you try out for the team?
Justin Russo: To impress Kari Langsdorf.
Jerry Russo: Oh. I get it. You know, when I was your age, I tried using magic to impress a girl. Turned into a total disaster.
Justin Russo: What happened?
Jerry Russo: I married her.
Jerry Russo: I'm just kidding.
[becomes serious]
Jerry Russo: Seriously, I'm just kidding. Don't even say I said that, even as a joke.

[last lines]
Justin Russo: What movie do you want to see?
Kari Langsdorf: Oh, I only date baseball players, and I only see movies about...
Justin Russo: Baseball.
Kari Langsdorf: No, cats.
Justin Russo: Okay. Uh. Are there any movies out right now about cats?
Kari Langsdorf: No.
Justin Russo: Uh-huh. Uh, would you see a movie about dogs?
Kari Langsdorf: Not unless they're cats disguised as dogs.
Justin Russo: Farm animals?
Kari Langsdorf: Are there cats, like, disguised as farm animals, like cows and stuff?
Justin Russo: Yeah... I'll tell you what: why don't we wait till a cat movie comes out? I'll keep an eye on the paper, real close. Good talking to you, Kari.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Helping Hand (#2.14)" (2009)
Jerry Russo: This is Justin's spell. It's called Helping Hand.
Alex Russo: Will it slap him?
Justin Russo: No.
Alex Russo: Well, then it's no help to me! Pfft!

Max Russo: Hey, I've got something that'll put our name on the wizard map! OK... how about a spell to make clear plastic that's sticky on one side and that helps put wizards put drawings on the refridgerator? I'll call it 'Russo's Sticky Strips'.
Justin Russo: You know, that sounds vaguely similar to something that we have right here called tape!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Wizards vs. Finkles (#3.23)" (2010)
[first lines]
Justin Russo: Hey, guys, how's it going? So, check it out. Mom sent more photos of possible beaches for this year's family photo.
Alex Russo: Wait. We're supposed to go to a place we never go and put our arms around each other like we never do just to have a picture we can send to people we don't like anyway?
Jerry Russo: And this year there's a record number of families we don't like to send them to.

Justin Russo: How could you sabotage the audition?
Alex Russo: Because I don't want to go to Romania any more.
Justin Russo: Oh, so you'd rather be a Russo than a Finkle.
Alex Russo: I know; it's weird, right?
Justin Russo: It turns out the Finkle's really... stinkle.
Alex Russo: All right, well now it's a *tossup*. The truth is if I don't go Harper has to go, and I don't want her to leave; so the only solution is to ruin it so nobody can go.
Justin Russo: Well, if there is one thing you're good at, it's ruining things.
Alex Russo: Aaw, thank you.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Family Game Night (#2.20)" (2009)
Justin Russo: Oh Alex, I need to ask you something. See I'm taking this girl to the baseball game, right?
Alex Russo: What girl? Who are you taking?
Justin Russo: Daphne. She thinks we're dating. I need your sneaky conniving advice of how to get out of it.
Alex Russo: Dump her. Just dump her! Dump her hard!
Harper: [Groans] You want to get rid of her? You're gonna need a road flare, a barrel of maple syrup, and a mini-trampoline. But we're not using the maple syrup the way you think.
[Leading Alex out]
Harper: We gotta go!
Justin Russo: And what did I think we're using the maple syrup for? Like who... Ooh. I get it!

Alex Russo: [whispers] I have two brains inside my head.
Justin Russo: If you're trying to psyche me out for charades, you're gonna have to do better than that.
Alex Russo: No-no-no, I'm serious. I mixed up a bunch of spells and now I've got Harper's brain in my head. I can prove it. Just talk to Harper's brain.
Justin Russo: Okay, let me... let me see. Hello, Harper's... brain.
[Alex supresses a loving giggle]
Alex Russo: [as Harper] You're staring at me with those eyes. I think I might faint.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Credit Check (#1.18)" (2008)
Justin Russo: Somebody fixed these dice.
Alex Russo: Why are you looking at me? Yeah, you should look at me.

[last lines]
Millie: Okay, we'll be home by ten.
Justin Russo: We'll be here.
Benji: Hey, did you bring your action figures?
Justin Russo: No.
Benji: That's okay. I got lots.
Justin Russo: Do you have Aqua Avenger?
Benji: Yeah!
Justin Russo: Okay. I'll be him.
Benji: Yes!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: The Crazy 10 Minute Sale (#1.1)" (2007)
Jerry Russo: [looking at wand] There's a lot of great memories wrapped up in this wand.
Theresa Russo: And a lot of stories I'm tired of hearing.
Max Russo, Justin Russo: [laughs, then immediately stops when dad looks at them]
Justin Russo: She said it. We didn't.

Max Russo: [after sitting on something hard and cracking it] Either I just found Dad's wand or I cracked my buttknuckle.
Justin Russo: I'm no doctor, but I'm fairly certain there's no such thing as a buttknuckle.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Potion Commotion (#1.11)" (2008)
[first lines]
Justin Russo: Yeah. I still have to write an essay so I'll get chosen to go to the World School Summit, at the UN.
Alex Russo: Yeah, once you said essay, all I heard was blah blah-blah blah-blah. Okay, let's talk about my day; like this guy who thinks of me as a friend but not for long; I have a plan.
Justin Russo: Fascinating. Back to me. I'm competing against this kiss-up who has no right being chosen for the World School Summit.
Alex Russo: Seriously, you have to make your stories more interesting, because all I'm hearing is blah, blah-blah, blah-blah.

[last lines]
Justin Russo: Where'd all this come from?
Alex Russo: Me.
Justin Russo: Thought the potion wore off.
Alex Russo: It did. What didn't wear off is how good I feel about sending myself flowers. Who's going to be kinder to me than me?
Justin Russo: Certainly not me.
Alex Russo: [reads note on flowers, laughs] Oh my God. I am so funny. I didn't see that coming. Woooo!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Taxi Dance (#2.9)" (2008)
Harper: Is that a punishment?
Justin Russo: Nope. It's an Alexment. Something that should be a punishment, but is a reward.
Harper: You get those sometimes, right?
Justin Russo: No. No, I don't.

Harper Finkle: Is that a punishment?
Justin Russo: Nope. It's an Alexment. Something that should be a punishment, but is a reward.
Harper Finkle: You get those sometimes, right?
Justin Russo: No. No, I don't.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Smarty Pants (#2.1)" (2008)
Justin Russo: Smarty Pants. They give whoever wears them superior knowledge on anything and everything there is to know. I'd put 'em on but I'm already smarter than them.
Alex Russo: Ooh, you're smarter than pants, good for you!
Justin Russo: Now pay attention while I read off some of the possible side effects of keeping the pants on too long. Side effects may be headache, nausea, rash, chronic giggling, belly button bubbles, say it don't spray it disease, tongue reversal, ear gas, sweaty knees, Picasso face, problems with the bowels...
[Alex puts Night Cap over Justin's head and he falls asleep]
Alex Russo: All right, lesson's over! Come on, Max!
Max Russo: I think I'm gonna stay and draw on his face!
Alex Russo: Okay, cool!

[first lines]
Justin Russo: Okay, guys, while Dad's away, Mom's going to give her first wizard lesson, so let's show her some respect.
Alex Russo: Oh, we respect *her*; it's *you* we don't respect.
Justin Russo: Anyhoo...
Alex Russo: See? We don't respect you 'cause you say things like that.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: All About You-Niverse (#3.24)" (2010)
Justin Russo: On behalf of all mankind, I'd just like to say thank you for recycling your old electronics. Or as we tech-world hipsters like to call it, "e-waste".
Alex Russo: Hey, brainiac? You can't put "e" in front of everything and make it sound high-tech.
Justin Russo: Don't e-sult me.

Theresa Russo: [to Justin and Zeke] Hey, boys, I found some junk for you. A football phone, a singing fish trophy, and a toaster with a four-year-old bagel stuck in it.
Justin Russo: Mom? Okay, hold on here. This is an e-waste drive, all right? Not some excuse to get rid of Dad's stuff while he's on his yearly trip to Jones Beach with his buddy Pony Boy and their metal detectors.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Wizards vs. Werewolves (#3.9)" (2010)
Justin Russo: What makes you think I'm gonna find her?
Max Russo: Because in the 10 years I've known you, I've never seen you give up on anything.
Justin Russo: You sure do have your moments of wisdom, don't you Max?... You've known me longer than 10 years.
Max Russo: Yeah, I really wasn't paying attention in the beginning though. Alex told me you were a butler.

Alex Russo: Promise me we'll find normal people.
Justin Russo: We're not normal people.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex's Spring Fling (#1.19)" (2008)
[first lines]
Justin Russo: [on phone] Eh, Mom. OK, so you and dad crossed over into New Jersey, right? Then it's official; I'm in charge.
Justin Russo: Because, what if there was a tidal wave or something?
Justin Russo: I know, I know, I know. But if there was, then would I be in charge? Yes!
[he hangs up]
Justin Russo: Alright, I'm in charge!
Alex Russo: [Alex hits him with a water balloon] Oh, look, a tidal wave. Now you're in charge.
Justin Russo: Not funny, Alex; this is my new sweater.
Alex Russo: Justin, when you wear it every day for a week, it's not new; it just needs a wash.
Max Russo: [Max hits him with a water balloon] OK. I washed it. You're welcome.

Justin Russo: You didn't respect me being in charge.
Alex Russo: Why is that so important to you? What about living, having fun, doing stuff you tell stories about? Like this, this is going to be a great story to tell.
Justin Russo: The only people you could tell this story to would ground you.
Alex Russo: If you'd calm down every once in a while, I would tell you stories. Like... I bet you've always wondered what happened to your light-saber and cape.
[Alex walks away quickly]
Justin Russo: Alex, how am I supposed to be calm when you tell me stuff like that!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Little Sister (#1.12)" (2008)
Jerry Russo: Lesson number two is about genies that live in a lamp. And they are the con artists of the wizard world.
Alex Russo: Con artists? I thought they were supposed to grant you three wishes.
Justin Russo: They do. But they take your wish and they twist it around into something you wish you never wished for.
Max Russo: Is Alex a genie?
[Justin laughs]
Jerry Russo: No, she's just your older sister. But good, Max, you understand the concept.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Wizard School: Part 1 (#1.13)" (2008)
[first lines]
Justin Russo: How's your last day at school, Alex?
Alex Russo: Ah, tough. So many people were signing my yearbook I ran out of room. I had to get a second yearbook.
Justin Russo: How'd you get a second yearbook? They're all gone. Where's my yearbook, Alex?
Alex Russo: Come on, Justin, hardly anybody signed it. And one of them was you.
Justin Russo: Maybe I was saving room for friends.
Alex Russo: Like who?
Justin Russo: Vice-principal Clemens, Earl the crossing guard, my biology teacher and all the ladies in the front office.
Alex Russo: So, basically all your friends are adults.
Justin Russo: Yeah, well, I fit in best with adults; I'm very mature
PA Announcer: Will Justin Russo report to lost and found; we have your cape and light-saber.
Justin Russo: Hmph.
[Justin leaves]
Alex Russo: I can't believe they found where I hid those.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Make It Happen (#2.11)" (2009)
[first lines, Alex notices Justin strumming on a guitar]
Alex Russo: What was that name of the song? "Stop, You're Hurting My Ears?"
Justin Russo: Yes, it's off my new CD called "Alex is a cow, Moo."

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Eat to the Beat (#3.13)" (2010)
Justin Russo: I'm pulling the plug on this.
Alex Russo: No, you're not.
Justin Russo: Yes, I am! Because I'm the president.
Alex Russo: Well, you might be president of this school, but I'm president of getting things I want, and I want this!
Justin Russo: Not everything's always about you, Alex.
Alex Russo: Yes, it is. I'm the one who got you to wear a suit and carry a cookbook around! It was a joke, and so are you!
Stevie Nichols: Whoa, whoa, you guys! You guys! Alex, I thought this was just about getting bands.
Alex Russo: No, forget that! Now it's about him always messing me up!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: You Can't Always Get What You Carpet (#1.6)" (2007)
[last lines]
Jerry Russo: I don't know what you did, but thanks.
Justin Russo: I didn't do anything.
Jerry Russo: Really! I was watching the Mets game the other day, and there was a fly ball that went up and never came down. Want to tell me something about that?
Justin Russo: I, uh, I...
[he flees the room]

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Dude Looks Like Shakira (#3.12)" (2010)
Justin Russo: Okay, we need to get the germ out of you guys by drinking this smoothie made of troll liver, dragon tongue, cinnamon, and elf eye boogers.
Uncle Kelbo: Ugh! Ooooh! I hate cinnamon.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Graphic Novel (#2.3)" (2008)
Max Russo: Hey Justin, why don't we invent an edible flaming sandwich for kids?
Justin Russo: Because, I think most kids like having their eyebrows.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Quinceanera (#1.20)" (2008)
[last lines]
Jerry Russo: Well, guys, you managed to refrain from using magic the whole time grandma's been here.
Alex Russo: You're welcome.
Max Russo: It wasn't easy.
Justin Russo: Took a lot of restraint.
Jerry Russo: Well, you should really pat yourselves on the back.
Magdalena: Well, I've never been in *this* room before.
Jerry Russo: Uh, ah...
Magdalena: Wow, is this room what I think it is?
Max Russo: What room do *you* think it is?
Magdalena: Hmmm.
[grabs Max]
Magdalena: The wrestling room.
Max Russo: Two out of three!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Wizards vs. Vampires on Waverly Place (#2.26)" (2009)
Alex Russo: [opening the door of the restaurant after noticing Justin and Juliet's "mind hugs"] Romeo, Juliet, let's wrap it up with the looky-looks!
Juliet Van Husen: Oh, hey Oprah!
Justin Russo: That's not Oprah, that's Alex!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: The Good, the Bad, and the Alex (#3.15)" (2010)
Justin Russo: The wizard world has only one hope and his name is Justin Vincenzo Pepe Russo.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Hugh's Not Normous (#2.18)" (2009)
[last lines]
Alex Russo: Wow! So your clock radio is broken.
Max Russo: Yup.
Alex Russo: Your lava lamp is lavaless.
Max Russo: Mm-hm.
Alex Russo: And your ceramic hamburger has a gnarly bite out of it.
Max Russo: You got that right.
Alex Russo: [sarcastically] Wow, Max, you sure got me by wrecking all of your *own* stuff.
Max Russo: That's right I got you- Wait! Ah, man, I think I got me.
Justin Russo: [picking up some broken items] Wha- eh. Dude, this is mine.
Max Russo: So you got her too, Sucker! High five, brother

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex Does Good (#2.17)" (2009)
Max Russo: Justin, one last favor. Could you maybe pretend to be the waiter so she doesn't know I'm being chaperoned.
Justin Russo: Yeah dude, no problem. I got a suit that I've been dying to wear ever since grandma made that miraculous recovery.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex Charms a Boy (#3.8)" (2010)
[last lines]
Max Russo: Hey, Monster Guy. You may've noticed that lately I've been acting like I totally don't know what's going on.
Justin Russo: Lately?
Max Russo: So you noticed; great. Yeah, like, like remember when I let all those monsters out of that book?
Justin Russo: Yeah. They all escaped and destroyed the rest of the monster hunters, but me.
Max Russo: Yeah, that's not the worst part. Um, one of those monsters, uh, was the mummy who stole your girlfriend, so, I mean, I guess "technically" you can, can be mad at me.
Justin Russo: You know... that reminds me of something.
Max Russo: Yeah.
Justin Russo: Something I have to do.
Max Russo: OK.
Justin Russo: And I need your help.
Max Russo: My- yes! Great. Cause I'm here for you. Whatever you need.
Justin Russo: Good.
Max Russo: Yeah.
Justin Russo: [yells] Sneak attack!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex's Choice (#1.7)" (2007)
[last lines]
Justin Russo: How is washing their laundry community service?
Officer Lamp: We're part of the community, aren't we?
Max Russo: Oh, that's bunk.
Goblin: Hey, careful with that; it's my wife's.
Theresa Russo: Oh, it's lovely.
[holds up pullover with 6 arms]
Theresa Russo: She must be very, uh... handy.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex in the Middle (#1.16)" (2008)
[first lines]
Justin Russo: And that's when the great Chinese wizard Lee first used dragon scales to build an impenetrable box for safeguarding one's wand. And then in the twelfth century there were nine native...
Jerry Russo: Time! You're supposed to keep your oral reports *under* forty-five minutes; otherwise, you start losing people.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Fairy Tale (#2.12)" (2009)
Zeke Beakerman: I just always wanna be a little boy and to have fun. This world moves pretty fast, you know. And it's not long before you're carrying a briefcase, heading to work, day in and day out. For what? These are the best days of our lives, have a great summer, I'll see you next year!
Justin Russo: Was that your eighth grade graduation speech?
Zeke Beakerman: It was loose and inspiring.
Justin Russo: [impressed] And it was!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: New Employee (#1.4)" (2007)
[first lines]
Brian: Justin! Way to score on the World History exam.
Justin Russo: Uh, thanks, Brian. You know, uh, this might sound kinda lame, but I didn't think you knew my name.
Brian: Oh, I didn't. You left your sweater in class. Has your name in it. Look, I didn't do so good on this test. I just got one right: my name. Look, I was wondering if you could help me out; you know, tutor me.
Justin Russo: I dunno; I'm kind of busy.
Brian: I'll give you two tickets to the Tears of Blood concert.
Justin Russo: T.O.B. Their new tour's awesome! You got a deal. Come by the Sub Station after school.
Brian: Awesome. Oh, uh, if any of my friends ask you, I was all over you for talking to my *girlfriend*!
Justin Russo: And if any of my friends ask you, your girlfriend actually *talked* to me!