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Edward D. Wood, Jr.
: Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner, maybe? Vampira
: You mean a date? I thought you were a fag. Edward D. Wood, Jr.
: No, no, I'm just a transvestite.
[Waiting to be baptized in a swimming pool
: Why couldn't we do this in the church? Criswell
: Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub.
: You're watching our Halloween movie, "White Zombie", starring Bela Lugosi, John Harron, Madge Bellamy, and a bunch of other people I've never heard of.