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Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner, maybe?
Vampira: You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I'm just a transvestite.
[
Waiting to be baptized in a swimming pool]
Vampira: Why couldn't we do this in the church?
Criswell: Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub.
Vampira: You're watching our Halloween movie, "White Zombie", starring Bela Lugosi, John Harron, Madge Bellamy, and a bunch of other people I've never heard of.