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Quotes for
Agent 23 (Character)
from Get Smart (2008)

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Get Smart (2008)
Agent 23: If you don't follow the rules here then what are we?
The Chief: I'm telling you what we're not, we're not people who jam staples into other people's heads, that's CIA crap!

Agent 23: It's not over Max, I'll take that briefcase.
Maxwell Smart: If you want it, you'll have to take it.
Agent 23: [pause] That's what I just said!
Maxwell Smart: I know, I'm just trying to annoy you!

Agent 23: See, this is your problem, some men like women who are feminine!
Agent 99: What, I'm not feminine?
Agent 23: No.
Agent 99: I'm not feminine?
[kicks Agent 23 in the face]

Maxwell Smart: The old "Call Forwarding From the Shoe phone to the Cell phone so you don't know Where I am and then I appear on the Roof behind you and Surprise everyone" trick.
Agent 23: [points a gun to Max's temple] Don't move.

Agent 99: Oh Chief...
Agent 23: Very sweet tackle.
The President: Look at the surprise on his face!

Maxwell Smart: This whole week, last night, you know me.
Agent 99: Apparently not.
Agent 23: Oh my God, you two? You and Max? You said we had to break up cause we worked together!
Maxwell Smart: Oh my God, you and 23? I am so sexually threatened right now.

Agent 99: I think we should trust him chief.
Agent 23: Oh absolutely Chief, I'm with 99 on that one, everytime I look at Maxie's puppy eyes I'm a goner.
Agent 99: Oh my God, you've really never had anyone break up with you have you?

Agent 99: You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity.
Agent 23: You conveniently killed Krstic before anyone could question him.
The Chief: And there's that little matter with you stoning my head with a fire extinguisher.
Maxwell Smart: I said I was sorry, you just didn't hear me because you were in a mini coma.

CONTROL Agent: [when gets shot by Max with a paintball] Missed me! Hahaha!
[gets shot rapidly with paintballs by 23]
CONTROL Agent: Alright! Alright! I'm out!
Agent 23: He was lying Max. It was a good shot.
Maxwell Smart: Thanks. I am so sick of training. I wanna get out into the field.
Agent 91: Give it up 23! It's just you and Maxi-pad against the six of us!
Maxwell Smart: [sarcastically] Oh, gee, Maxi-pad. I've never heard that one before!
[less sarcastically to 23]
Maxwell Smart: I never have actually heard that one before.

Maxwell Smart: Welcome back 23, how was the assassination?
Agent 23: Maxie, you know assassinations are specifically prohibited by executive order number 12333.
[laughter]
Maxwell Smart: 23, you killed me!
Agent 23: I could if I wanted to!
Maxwell Smart: Yes, you could.
[laughter]
Maxwell Smart: Oh! Did you see the look on his face?

[Larabee is texting during a briefing]
Agent 23: What are you doing? Are you texting?
Larabee: Yeah. Letting my fiancee know we won't be able to get married in June, 'cause I'll still be in this meeting.
[23 smirks]
Agent 23: Can I see that for a second?
Larabee: Yeah.
[Larabee hands the phone to 23]
Agent 23: That's great.
[23 breaks the phone]
Agent 23: Well, that's weird. You lost your signal.

Maxwell Smart: I have obtained a snippet, at great risk to a bus boy in Balad.
[Men start speaking in Punjab on a recording which Max is translating]
Maxwell Smart: "Aftab, how is your coffee?"
Maxwell Smart: "Good, Dalip, it's decaf. How is yours?"
Maxwell Smart: "It is good, also. How is your muffin?"
Maxwell Smart: Powerful stuff
The Chief: So "muffin", then, is a code word?
Maxwell Smart: No, it is comfort food... and quite frankly much more fattening than most people realize. Which begs the question... why would two hardened KAOS agents... risk the carbs?
Maxwell Smart: Because they are under a great deal of stress.
Agent 23: Hence the decaf.
Maxwell Smart: For Aftab yes. Dalip takes his full-strength. Why? Because he has been sleeping on the couch for three days... because he called his sister-in-law a "leathery hag".
Larabee: You know, people often say things in anger they don't really mean. Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore. Just words really, that shouldn't be used against you in a custody hearing.
Agent 91: Let it go, man, those kids don't even look like you.
The Chief: Can we put a pen in this, please... and go back to Max's extraordinary detailed report?
Maxwell Smart: Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is... that until we understand that our enemies are also human beings... we will never defeat them. Yes, they are bad guys, but that is what they do, not who they are. Let's continue listening... and bear in mind that the next 100 pages can get a little bit dry.
Larabee: Come on.
[All sigh in boredom]