Michael Kuzak
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Quotes for
Michael Kuzak (Character)
from "L.A. Law" (1986)

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"L.A. Law: Hand Roll Express (#2.12)" (1988)
Arnie Becker: It's almost 10 o'clock, Roxanne.
Roxanne Melman: Sorry.
Arnie Becker: Did you bring your financial files.
Roxanne Melman: No.
Arnie Becker: No?
[Kuzak closed the door]
Roxanne Melman: Look, I appreciate both of you taking the time that you have. But I've changed my mind. I'm going to take the fifth.
Michael Kuzak: Roxanne, once they've granted you immunity, you have no right to take the fifth.
Roxanne Melman: But they can't keep me in jail once I see that it won't make me change my mind.
Arnie Becker: Did your boyfriend tell you that?
Roxanne Melman: Isn't it true?
Michael Kuzak: Oh, yes, but a judge can keep you in jail for up to a year before he decides that it won't change your mind. What's more, the U.S. Attorney's office could withdraw the immunity and prosecute you for insider trading and mail fraud. Now why go through all of that?
Roxanne Melman: Because one day this is going to be over. One day I'm going to say goodbye to McKenzie/Brackman and make a life with Jimmy. So whatever else happens, I can't do anything to hurt him.
Arnie Becker: Doesn't it bother you at all that those brokerage accounts were in your name?
Roxanne Melman: No, it doesn't. He was in the middle of a divorce and he didn't want his wife to find out about them.
Arnie Becker: Why didn't he tell you?
Roxanne Melman: He was going to tell me as soon as the divorce became final.
Arnie Becker: Well, that sounds real convincing coming from a straight arrow like him.
Roxanne Melman: Michael, please, tell the federal prosecutor that the deal is off.
Michael Kuzak: Absolutely not. If you're intent on putting yourself through this kind of a ringer, I want you to march into open court tomorrow and tell him and the judge yourself. Maybe between now and then, you'll come to your senses.
Arnie Becker: He's got her too twisted for that. She's set.

Donald Kelly: [Arnie has arrived in courtroom and take a seat and listening to Roxanne's testimony] Please state your name and address?
Roxanne Melman: Roxanne Melman, 1509 Cheremoya.
Donald Kelly: And do you acquainted with the defendant, James Markham?
Roxanne Melman: Yes.
Donald Kelly: Miss Melman, have you ever sold or bought stocks?
Roxanne Melman: Yes.
Donald Kelly: And has the defendant ever offered you any advices to which stocks to buy and sell?
[Roxanne pause and looking at Jimmy. Michael listen to Roxanne's testimony]
Donald Kelly: Miss Melman?
Roxanne Melman: I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me.
Michael Kuzak: Your Honor, may I have a short recess to confer with my client?
Roxanne Melman: Your Honor, I don't need to confer.
Judge Cyril Hodges: Approach the bench.
[Mr. Kuzak and Mr. Kelly approached the sidebar of Judge Cyril Hodges. Stanley Niles talk to his client Jimmy Markham]
Judge Cyril Hodges: Miss Melman, as I would hope your attorney has advised you, since the U.S. Attorney's office has offer you full immunity from prosecution, you're in no danger of self-incrimination. As such I'm ordering you to answer.
Roxanne Melman: With all due respect to the court, Your Honor, I refuse to answer anyway.
Donald Kelly: The prosecution asks that the witness be held in contempt.
Michael Kuzak: Your Honor, I insist on speaking to my client.
Roxanne Melman: No, Michael, there's nothing to say.
Judge Cyril Hodges: Do you understand that you'll be taken to the Sybil Brand Institute for Women and held there until you do decide to cooperate?
Roxanne Melman: That day will never come.
Judge Cyril Hodges: Tell me that again after you've been in jail. Take the witness into custody.
[the Court Security Officer of the United States Marshals Service takes Roxanne Melman as a witness into custody for contempt of court and refuses to testify against the defendant Jimmy Markham. Arnie is seeing Roxanne off to jail. The Court Security Officer takes Roxanne Melman and escorted her out of the courtroom. Jimmy seeing Roxanne heading into custody. Michael Kuzak dealing with Jimmy Markham. Arnie Becker sits for a while]

Leland McKenzie: While I'm sure we're all glad that Roxanne is out of her legal difficulties, by this time we're aware that hers were not the only indiscretions committed. While personal investments are, as a rule, personal business, anyone trading on stock tips even remotely questionable is compromising the integrity of this firm. I trust that those of you involved will take appropriate steps to rectify the situation.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Leland, if I may, the only thing I would add is that since Roxanne's matter with the U.S. Attorney's office is concluded, I'd like to give her 2 weeks' notice before the close of business today and start interviewing for a replacement.
Michael Kuzak: Now wait a minute, it hasn't been established that Roxanne knew that those tips were illegal.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That maybe, but this isn't a criminal prosecution. It's a law firm depending upon the good judgment of its employees. Roxanne let us down. Get rid of her.
Stuart Markowitz: Uh-uh. If she didn't know the tips were based on inside information, how can we punish her?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And what was her conduct when she did know? Did she immediately offer her cooperation to the federal prosecutor and seek to contain the damage or was her first priority to shield her paramour and further involved this firm's time and manpower in some tawdry little melodrama?
Arnie Becker: Who the hell are you to vilify her? How many times have you had to call out for help for the simple reason that you couldn't keep your fly zipped?
Leland McKenzie: All right, Arnold, let's not get into that now.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Whatever past scrapes, I've gotten into, I've never put this firm in jeopardy.
Arnie Becker: For all your sanctimonious braying, Douglas, neither has she.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, I don't intend to let this drop.
Arnie Becker: Fine, let me make things very clear then. You can express your outrage about this incident. We can have a series of discussions about moral consequences, situational ethics, or whatever you want. Just so you know, if you fire Roxanne, I walk out right behind her.
[Arnie leaves and heads out of the Conference room. Ann Kelsey is to blame for Roxanne's insider trading. Leland and Douglas need a moment of silence]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Jonathan, McMurray vs. Brinkley.
Jonathan Rollins: Uh, $185,000 award plus costs.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That brings Mr. Rollins to 5 and 0. I'd like to see those kind of stats from some other people around here. Seidell tax audits?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, I'm not going to have anything definitive on that until Friday.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Emile's vs. Southland Magazine.
Victor Sifuentes: Opening arguments scheduled for today.
Abby Perkins: Your case may be a editorial section of the L.A. Times today.
Jonathan Rollins: I never would've thought a restaurant review could generate this kind of controversy.
Stuart Markowitz: Are you kidding? Lorna Landsberg - Who by the way I'd love to meet sometime if you could.
[Victor nodded]
Stuart Markowitz: She's probably the most influential food critic around. She makes and breaks restaurant.
Victor Sifuentes: More importantly this is potentially a landmark First Amendment case. The same elements that were in Westmoreland vs. CBS, Tavoulareas vs. the Washington Post, Sharon vs. Time Magazine. They're all there. It is the kind of case that makes laws.
Michael Kuzak: Immortality, Victor. Nothing less.
Leland McKenzie: It's a serious issue though, if you don't have a free press if they're cowered by fear of being sued.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, but on the other hand, is the press entitled to be malicious if it means this guy with the restaurant suffers.
[Leland shrugged]
Michael Kuzak: Was H.L. Mencken malicious? Lincoln Steffens, was he malicious? If you don't like someone's opinion, it's easy to call him malicious.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, and there's something else really important to consider here. We now have a client who knows Spago's private number. We'll never be shut out a table there again.
[Ann laughs. Jonathan laughs, too]
Arnie Becker: Could you find out for me, Victor, if she knows of a restaurant that's serving Chinese food from the Hakka region? I think that this might be the next big cuisine.
[Abby and Stuart laughing]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Folks, we have to discuss one other matter before we conclude. Michael, what's going on with the United States of America vs. Roxanne Melman's own true love?
Michael Kuzak: She's under subpoena. If she agrees to testify against Markham, give up whatever profits she made, U.S. Attorney's willing to let it go at that.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Sounds a lot more lenient than I intend to be.
Arnie Becker: Meaning what?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Meaning she's history around here. I'll let her get through with her legal travails first out of compassion, but once they're done, it's good-bye, Charlie.
Arnie Becker: That's not really your call.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It most certainly is my call.
Leland McKenzie: All right, all right. Uh... We'll take this issue up at the partners' meeting.
Arnie Becker: You bet we will.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That's it.
[Douglas closed his gold pocket watch]

D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: So on the one hand, more money, more autonomy...
Michael Kuzak: Mm-hmm.
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: More time with you. But on the other hand, Bruce Rogoff.
Michael Kuzak: He'll be thrilled for you.
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: Huh, are you kidding? He'll chew my head off. He hates it when people leave. He'll make me feel guilty for selling out. Besides which what if in 2 months, I can't cut it?
Michael Kuzak: Well, you'll go crawling back to the D.A.'s office with your incredibly sexy tail between your legs.
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: I don't know.
Michael Kuzak: Well, whatever you decide, you know I'll support you.
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: Don't be so damn neutral.
Michael Kuzak: Well, why don't you go setting me up to make all your decisions for you.
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: Michael, I don't know what to do.
Michael Kuzak: Look, Grace, there are two kinds of mistakes you can make. Ones of commission and ones of omission. You learn from what you do, not from what you love.
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: Easy for you to say.
Michael Kuzak: I guarantee you when the moment comes, you'll know what decision to make.

[Here with Roxanne Melman and Jimmy Markham outside the courtroom. Arnie Becker is in the telephone booth]
Arnie Becker: She's here.
[Hang up the phone]
Arnie Becker: Roxanne! Roxanne, where have you been? You're supposed to be here at 9 o'clock.
Roxanne Melman: Jimmy's lawyer called and said the trial was put till 11:00.
Arnie Becker: Ask your boyfriend if it's all right if you consult with your lawyer.
Jimmy Markham: I got a name, Ace.
Arnie Becker: I wasn't talking to you.
Roxanne Melman: Come on, Jimmy, let's go.
Jimmy Markham: You do pretty good job of talking about me. Why don't you say something to my face?
Arnie Becker: I'm interested in her.
Jimmy Markham: Well, I'm in love with her. What's between us doesn't concerned you.
Arnie Becker: [Yelling] You're gonna tell me what's concerns me?
Michael Kuzak: Whoa, whoa, we're gonna have a fistfight right here in the corridor?
Jimmy Markham: Roxanne, everything's gonna be fine.
[Roxanne kissed Jimmy]
Jimmy Markham: I love you.
Roxanne Melman: Where will you be?
Jimmy Markham: Attorneys' lounge.
[Jimmy will be back]

Michael Kuzak: So have you thought anymore about what you're gonna do in there?
Roxanne Melman: Yeah. I've thought a lot about it, and there's no way I'm going to testify against him.
Arnie Becker: This guy got himself a slave girl.
Michael Kuzak: Arnie, maybe you ought to get a cup of coffee or...
Arnie Becker: You know something I don't give a damn about the insider trading. But for him to let you take this kind of rap, we've got to be talking about a world-class slug.
Roxanne Melman: For your information, he doesn't know anything about and he wants me to testify.
Arnie Becker: What a guy. Did he tell you that?
Roxanne Melman: Why is it you need to poison my love for him, Arnie? He never did anything to you.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, but he sure as hell is doing something to you.
Michael Kuzak: Arnie.
Roxanne Melman: Forget it, Michael! There's nothing I want to discuss with either of you.
[Roxanne walks away]
Michael Kuzak: Well, that was helpful.
[Arnie sighs]
Michael Kuzak: Come on.


"L.A. Law: Happy Trails (#5.2)" (1990)
Michael Kuzak: Well, I moved we skip the trial and proceed immediately to sentencing.
Judge Walter Stone: Don't get smart with me.
Michael Kuzak: That juror was not only predisposed to see a race thing here, he took a potshot at me.
Judge Walter Stone: Maybe you provoked him.
[Michael sighed, looked at Jonathan. Jonathan shrugged]
Michael Kuzak: Your Honor, I move that you recuse yourself from this case.
D.A. Marcia Fusco: Opposed.
Judge Walter Stone: On what grounds?
Michael Kuzak: On the grounds that you like Rogoff are too politically scared to do the job here.
Judge Walter Stone: If I was scared, I would find a way to get off this case. I would dodge this thing like an oncoming train, which is exactly what it is. But this judge doesn't delay justice simply because the victims are black. And this judge doesn't all out favors and continuances the defendants simply because they happen to be police officers.
Michael Kuzak: And this judge because the boundaries of his district were changed suddenly can't be reelected unless he captures at least 50% of the black vote.
Judge Walter Stone: Your motion is denied.
Michael Kuzak: I want this on the record.
Judge Walter Stone: It's on the record. Now let's get back in there. This trial's going forward.

[Back at the courthouse in the city of Los Angeles. Here at Judge Stone's chambers, Judge Stone reads the letter]
Judge Walter Stone: This is a last-minute stunt.
Michael Kuzak: It's no stunt, Your Honor, my client seeks to discharge me as counsel. That's his prerogative.
Judge Walter Stone: What's wrong?
Michael Kuzak: As long as I am still his lawyer, I would like all dialog to go through with me, please.
Judge Walter Stone: Denied. You want a new lawyer? You're so glad to tell me why.
Brian Chisolm: We had differences of opinion, which I feel compromise Mr. Kuzak's ability to provide effective representation.
Judge Walter Stone: Such as?
Michael Kuzak: Work product. Don't answer.
Judge Walter Stone: Fine. Mr. Rollins will be your lawyer. We start tomorrow.
Michael Kuzak: Your Honor, the conflicts are germane to the entire firm. Mr. Rollins included.
Judge Walter Stone: Either you tell me what these conflicts are or your motion is denied.
Michael Kuzak: Defense strategy, personality differences, he's not satisfied with my competency.
Judge Walter Stone: Uh-huh. Well, you're competent all right. So competent in fact, that I have no doubt that you instructed him to discharge you in order to buy more time. Hoping that by the time this thing rolled around again the trial. I'll be wrapped up in something else and you have to get a different judge. Well, that's not going to happen. You're very adequate, counsel, no grounds for a switch. This trial starts tomorrow. That's all.
Michael Kuzak: Your Honor!
Judge Walter Stone: I said that's all.
[Mr. Kuzak, Mr. Rollins, D.A. Marcia Fusco and Brian Chisolm leaves the chambers of the Honorable Judge Walter Stone]

[to begin to questioning the members of the jury during a pretrial]
Michael Kuzak: And how long have you been lived in Inglewood, Mr. Lewis?
Mr. Lewis: About 42 years.
Michael Kuzak: Have you any problem with the police?
Mr. Lewis: None that I can recall.
Michael Kuzak: And do you believe that white policeman applied one set of rules to white people and, uh, different set to blacks.
Mr. Lewis: Not in my experience.
Michael Kuzak: Thank you. Defense accept this man.
D.A. Marcia Fusco: Have you ever been the victim of a crime, Mr. Lewis?
Mr. Lewis: My house was robbed once.
D.A. Marcia Fusco: Police catch you did it?
Mr. Lewis: Yes.
D.A. Marcia Fusco: You recall his race?
Mr. Lewis: He was a black kid.
D.A. Marcia Fusco: The prosecution ask that Mr. Lewis be excused for cause.
Michael Kuzak: Objection. There's no showing for cause.
D.A. Marcia Fusco: I believe that Mr. Lewis' condition to believe that blacks are more likely guilty when charge of a crime.
Michael Kuzak: Where'd you get that?
Judge Walter Stone: The jurors discharge for cause.
[Judge Stone puts his glasses back on. Ms. Fusco takes a seat and moving along to question the next juror]

[the next juror]
D.A. Marcia Fusco: Will the fact that he's a police officer make you more inclined to believed he's innocent?
Arthur Pryor: No. All kinds of people commit crimes. Policeman, too.
D.A. Marcia Fusco: Thank you, Mr. Pryor. The people accept this juror.
Michael Kuzak: Have you ever been arrested, Mr. Pryor?
Arthur Pryor: I resent that.
Michael Kuzak: I take it, you've never been arrested then?
Arthur Pryor: That's right.
Michael Kuzak: Thank you.
Arthur Pryor: You ask white jurors that question?
Michael Kuzak: Your Honor, the defense ask that Mr. Pryor be excused for cause.
D.A. Marcia Fusco: No showing up cause, Your Honor.
Judge Walter Stone: I see no reason this jurors should be excused.
Michael Kuzak: The defense exercises it's last peremptory challenge, it has to be heard in chambers, Your Honor.
Judge Walter Stone: Let's go.

[And now Michael talks with D.A. Marcia Fusco]
Michael Kuzak: You could live with this?
D.A. Marcia Fusco: Hey, you think I like it? I get everybody breathing down my back for conviction while I barely have any evidence. Was hoping it'll trick with work.
Brian Chisolm: Mr. Kuzak. Mr. Kuzak, what the hell is going? God, I thought you said this will work out.
Michael Kuzak: Well, I was wrong, Brian, and quite honestly right now, I don't know what to tell you.
[sighed]

D.A. Marcia Fusco: Officer Chisholm claims that he was fired upon first, by two unknown drug dealers. There's no evidence to suggest that these two drug dealers even exist, no stray bullets were ever found, and though Mr. Chisholm never took a lie detector test.
Michael Kuzak: Objection.
Judge Walter Stone: Ms. Fusco, you know better than that. Members of the Jury, whether or not the accused took a polygraph test is have no relevance, and you have to give that no consideration.
Michael Kuzak: Move for a mistrial.
Judge Walter Stone: Approach.
[Mr. Kuzak and Ms. Fusco approached the sidebar of Judge Walter Stone. Brian has a whispering talk with Jonathan]
Judge Walter Stone: You're not getting a mistrial.
Michael Kuzak: For God's sake, Your Honor.
Judge Walter Stone: She didn't say he failed it.
Michael Kuzak: She implied that he refused to take it.
Judge Walter Stone: She did no such thing. She just said he didn't take it. I see no prejudice.
Michael Kuzak: But this is outrageous!
Judge Walter Stone: Keep your voice down.
Michael Kuzak: You let Holloway grandstand. You let him bias jurors and now with an obvious prejudicial statement by the District Attorney...
Judge Walter Stone: Your motion is denied. It's all on the record. Take it up on appeal, but I'm not stopping this trial. Now step back, both of you.
Michael Kuzak: This is a bag job.
Judge Walter Stone: Step back.

D.A. Marcia Fusco: Members of the Jury, I apologized for the disruption. I'm not gonna take up anymore of your time. I think that justice will best be served if we get right to the evidence. Evidence that will clearly demonstrate that the defendant Office Brian Chisholm gunned down a black teenager in cold blood. Evidence that will demonstrate beyond a reasonable doubt, that Brian Chisholm is a murderer.
[Crowds murmuring]
D.A. Marcia Fusco: Thank you.
[Ms. Fusco returns to her seat]
Judge Walter Stone: Mr. Kuzak.
[Someone's coughing]
Judge Walter Stone: Mr. Kuzak?
Michael Kuzak: I'm sorry.
[Mr. Kuzak clears his throat, and gets up while addressing an opening statement]
Michael Kuzak: Serving justice. That what she said we were here for, right? The only problem with that is it's premise on the assumption that we have... impartial jurors and - and a fair judge. Now I have my doubts about you jurors, I'll be honest with you. But have no doubts at all about that big chicken bastard sitting up there wearing the robe!
Judge Walter Stone: Mr. Kuzak, you are in contempt!
Michael Kuzak: There's nothing about justice! All he only cares about is getting reelected. All he only cares about is staying on Holloway's good side...
Judge Walter Stone: Hustle now!
Michael Kuzak: ...gained in the press!
[Kuzak was caught by the bailiff]
Michael Kuzak: You gotta call a mistrial now!
Judge Walter Stone: Take him away!
Michael Kuzak: There's no choice now! Hey, I haven't finished my opening statement!
[Mr. Kuzak is dragged by the bailiff and is taken away in contempt of court]


"L.A. Law: Dummy Dearest (#3.6)" (1988)
Richard Mathers: Kuzak.
Michael Kuzak: What are you doing here?
Richard Mathers: I thought I'd lend you my support.
Michael Kuzak: In exchange for what?
Richard Mathers: You doing the same. I testify for you, you testify for me. Very symmetrical, no?
Michael Kuzak: No.
[Mr. Mathers talking with Mr. Sifuentes]
Richard Mathers: He'd be helping me out.
Victor Sifuentes: Hey, don't look at me.
Richard Mathers: Mike.
Michael Kuzak: I'm sorry, but I don't want you to be my witness, and I certainly don't want to be yours.
Richard Mathers: The first part of that is up to you. The second part's up to me.
[Mr. Mathers handing over the subpoena to Mr. Kuzak]
Richard Mathers: Here's your subpoena. If you can get there by 10:00, that would be great.
[Mr. Kuzak will take care of that]

Elliott Oppenheim: As the evidence clearly has established, Michael Kuzak violated Disciplinary Rule 3101 in aiding the unauthorized practice of law.
Victor Sifuentes: If the Committee, please... In order to assess Mr. Kuzak's ethical conduct, I believe it first necessary to appreciate the circumstances under which it occurred.
Judge Donald Tytell: In other words, you got an excuse.
Victor Sifuentes: The discovery that Richard Mathers was unlicensed to practice law came more than halfway through the trial.
Ralph DeSuvio: The issue here is that the court didn't learn of it until after the verdict and then from only Mr. Mathers himself.
Victor Sifuentes: If you could just stand back from the code for one moment, I think that you'll see that the only motivation here was a fair settlement.
Judge Constance Gregg: [Judge Gregg takes off her classes] We don't stand back from the code, Mr. Sifuentes. We enforce it.
Victor Sifuentes: I understand that, ma'am.
Judge Constance Gregg: Furthermore, this isn't some nitpicking technical violation we're talking about.
[Judge Gregg looking up this file]
Judge Constance Gregg: These charges indicate conduct indirect violation of a lawyer's obligation as an officer of the court.
Victor Sifuentes: All Mike Kuzak did was try to avoid having Richard Mathers' fraud force his clients into protracted litigation at considerable further expense.
Judge Donald Tytell: That's not the concern of this Committee.
Michael Kuzak: Well, with all due respect, maybe it should be.
Victor Sifuentes: Mike.
Michael Kuzak: [Kuzak has something to say. Judge Tytell listening] If the only question here is did I or did I not violate the code, let's stop wasting each others' time. I did. But you only talk about a lawyer's obligation as an officer of the court. What about my obligation to my client?
Elliott Oppenheim: Your first loyalty is to the legal system.
Victor Sifuentes: The purpose of which is to administer justice. Richard Mathers was a highly skilled practitioner. There's no argument about that. Mr. Kuzak and he went head to head. Both clients received skilled, uncompromised representation. Tell me what that is if not justice.

Richard Mathers: Mr. Kuzak, in the period of time that we were adversaries, you serve me conducting some 11 depositions. You heard me argue 11 pretrial motions. You watch me pick a jury. You sat across from me during 15 days at trial. What kind of lawyer am I?
Michael Kuzak: Competent.
Richard Mathers: Competent? Tell us. How many attorneys did Barry and Ina Toland have prior to hiring me?
Michael Kuzak: I believe they had 3.
Richard Mathers: 3 different bona fide attorneys? Licensed to practice law in the State of California? What settlement offer if any was on that table during that time?
Michael Kuzak: None.
Richard Mathers: And 2 months after I come into the case, how would that change?
Michael Kuzak: Mr. Tecowsky's insurance carrier authorize throwing in their proceeds of the policy.
Richard Mathers: To amount to how much?
Michael Kuzak: Half of million dollars.
Richard Mathers: I guess they thought I was competent, too, huh?
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Objection.
Judge George Syler: Sustained.
[Mr. Mathers will withdraw the question. And moves another question]
Richard Mathers: Mr. Kuzak, around December 1st of this year, you were approached me with this same half million dollar offer. And one additional piece of information. Namely, that you knew I was not license to practice law. What was my reaction to that?
Michael Kuzak: You turn it down.
Richard Mathers: And what reason did I give for doing so?
Michael Kuzak: Your said you wouldn't sell your client out to save yourself.
Richard Mathers: Thank you. I have no further question.

D.D.A. Gylkowski: What did you do when you found out that Mr. Mathers wasn't a lawyer?
Richard Mathers: Objection. The relevant.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Goes to credibility, Your Honor. This witness perpetrated a fraud up on court for which he is now under investigation by the State Bar.
Richard Mathers: I moved to strike that! It's prejudicial and...
Judge George Syler: Both of you settle down. The witness can answer the question.
[Kuzak will go ahead and answer]
Michael Kuzak: I confronted Mr. Mathers directly.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: So you converted to... to advantage?
Richard Mathers: Argumentative.
Judge George Syler: Sustained.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Tell me, sir, what is this status of Toland vs. Tecowsky now?
Michael Kuzak: Its been settled.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Is that right? Did the plaintiffs engage new counsels so soon?
Michael Kuzak: The parties reached an agreement between themselves.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Did you have any conversations with Mr. Mathers subsequent to his arrest as to what that agreement might be?
Michael Kuzak: We set certain parameters. I advice Tecowsky, I assume he did the same with the Tolands.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: And how did you two boys make out?
Richard Mathers: I object, Your Honor. District Attorney is slinging mud against the wall and hoping something sticks.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Well, that's funny, Mr. Mathers, because for the two of you, it seems its something always does.
Judge George Syler: That's quite sufficient. Thank you.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Uh, tell me, Mr. Kuzak, is your testifying on behalf of Mr. Mathers, part of the settlement arrangement?
Michael Kuzak: I'm here under subpoena.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Naturally. I'm sure the two of you were well verses avoiding the appearance of collision.

Judge Constance Gregg: Mr. Sifuentes, do you have anything to say before we render our decision?
Victor Sifuentes: Only that has never been our intention to minimize the importance of ethical standards. I've simply tried to make the Committee aware of the difficulty of Mr. Kuzak's situation. Now, Mike's record both as a prosecutor and in private practice has been exemplary. I was just hope that his action be taken in context.
Judge Constance Gregg: Mr. Kuzak, your Counsel has argued that the action of Richard Mathers justify your own. Doesn't work that way. What he did constitutes fraud. What you did constitutes devious and unethical behavior. Utterly at odds with our code of conduct. Now, since Mr. Mathers isn't an attorney, he is beyond the limits of our authority. You, sir, are not. We are your peers. We speak for our profession, and we condemn what you did. Our recommendation to the State Bar Association is that you be publicly censured and suspended from the practice of law for a period of not less than one month, effective immediately.
Michael Kuzak: [Kuzak in shock] A month?
Judge Constance Gregg: Yes.
Judge Donald Tytell: That's right, Mr. Kuzak. A month.
Michael Kuzak: Well, I'm going sleep a lot better. Knowing that the Members of this Committee are there to pass it out pronouncements on the correctness of my conduct, especially when they don't allow themselves to be distracted by the specifics of the situation.
Judge Constance Gregg: If your contempt for the Committee as any indication, sir, I fully expect this will not be the last time we'll be seeing you.

Michael Kuzak: We're going to fight this out with the Bar Association in court. Let's see how smug these fat-assed Rotarians are after they've gone a few rounds with a litigator.
Victor Sifuentes: No.
Michael Kuzak: What do you mean "no"?
Victor Sifuentes: Bottom line: You broke the rules, Mike. We tried to put the best face on it that we could and this is the way it came down.
Michael Kuzak: What are you saying? You think that they're right?
Victor Sifuentes: Yeah. And if you want my recommendation both as your friend and as your lawyer right now, I'm gonna tell you to take your medicine and be glad it's not worse.

Michael Kuzak: What's up?
Leland McKenzie: Masterson pulled out.
Michael Kuzak: He what?
Leland McKenzie: He's going to Crea, Leitner, and Farrell.
Michael Kuzak: Why?
Leland McKenzie: He's afraid a federal judge who thinks he's first cousin to God almighty might just be a little suspicious of whatever it is you have to say. And you know something? Under the circumstances, I can't says I blame him.
Michael Kuzak: I'm numb.
Leland McKenzie: Yeah, well... Before it gets any worse, assuming such a thing is possible, we have to take some steps.
Michael Kuzak: Well, I suggest you start by speaking to Victor. He seems to think that we should go gently into that good night.
Leland McKenzie: I have spoken to Victor. I believe he is absolutely correct. And I intend to honor that suspension recommendation to the letter. Go home, Michael. Your very presence in these offices compromises this entire firm.
Michael Kuzak: You're not gonna stand up for me?
Leland McKenzie: Oh, damn it, Michael. You kept your mouth shut about Mathers without so much as a word of consultation. You were wrong, and everybody here is now paying for that. And if you expect us all just to fall in line behind you, well, I suggest you've overestimated your own importance.
[Michael leaving to the door of exit]
Michael Kuzak: I can't come back to the office for a month?
Leland McKenzie: Not anywhere near it.
[Kuzak leaves and exit the office of Leland]


"L.A. Law: Captain Hurt (#4.2)" (1989)
Michael Kuzak: Earl, you gotta get real straight with me real fast. I can either go in there and attack the prosecution's DNA expert. Or, I can find one of our own experts to testify that semen wasn't yours. But before I do, I got to know. Did you go to bed with her that afternoon? Yes or no?
[Earl mumbles]
Michael Kuzak: Yes or no, damn it!
Earl Williams: Yes.
Michael Kuzak: Earl, you're a smart man! You know how sophisticated the crime labs are! What do you think they were gonna find out?
Earl Williams: I didn't think they could trace it to me.
Michael Kuzak: So you send me in there spewing bald-face lies now the D.A. cut the links out from both of us?
Earl Williams: I thought you'd do a better job if you believed I was innocent.
Michael Kuzak: Meaning what? You're not?
Earl Williams: I'm innocent of murder!
Michael Kuzak: Well, it sure as hell doesn't look like that!
Earl Williams: I know!
Michael Kuzak: What did your wife say?
Earl Williams: I'd rather not get into it.
Michael Kuzak: You don't have a choice!
Earl Williams: It's between her and me.
Michael Kuzak: Look, I am not asking you this because I'm nosey. I have to know whether or not to put her on the stand!
Earl Williams: Then talk to her.
Michael Kuzak: I'm talking to you! Now, you better give me some answers that aren't lies and stop wasting my time!
Earl Williams: [after a short pause] I went to Nina's early that afternoon... I made love. Afterward, we sat in the kitchen and had a cup of tea. About 4 o'clock, I kissed her goodbye and I left.
[Kuzak nods his head, looking skeptic]
Earl Williams: You think I'm a liar?
Michael Kuzak: I know you're a liar. So does the jury. The question now is whether or not they think you're a killer.

A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: Mr. Nevins, do you believe that Black People are discriminating against in this country?
Claude Nevins: Let's just say that it's my experience. Not my belief.
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: Do you think that experience is shared by all Black People?
Claude Nevins: I do.
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: [Ms. Flanagan turned to the defendant Earl Williams] Including the defendant?
Claude Nevins: Yes, ma'am. Including the defendant.
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: Prosecution asked that Mr. Nevins be excused for cause.
Michael Kuzak: Objection, what's the cause?
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: I believe that Mr. Nevins is predisposed here the charges the defendant is racist and is capable of judging this case on the facts.
Judge Roberta Harbin: There's no showing of cause here. Denied.
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: In that case, prosecution will exercise one of it's preemptory challenges in that Mr. Nevins be excused.
Judge Roberta Harbin: Mr. Nevins is excused. Thank you for you time.

Michael Kuzak: Mr. Metoyer, you have many black friends?
Al Metoyer: No.
Michael Kuzak: You have any black friends?
Al Metoyer: None.
Michael Kuzak: How would you feel if your daughter married a black man?
Al Metoyer: I wonder if he's a decent soared, I don't think that bother me much.
Michael Kuzak: The defense would accept this man.
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: Mr. Metoyer, how do you feel about capital punishment?
Al Metoyer: I guess some on defense.
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: Do you think, sir, that the possibility of execution would prevent you from entering a guilty verdict, if the facts support it?
Al Metoyer: Not if the facts support it, no.
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: In others words, you're capable of sending this man to his death?
Al Metoyer: Yes.
A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan: Thank you. The prosecution accepts this man.
[Judge Harbin write it down]

Michael Kuzak: I did the best I could picking them would jury you just never know.
Earl Williams: Those crapshoot.
Michael Kuzak: You got a good case, Earl. That's not a crapshoot. Jackie, tomorrow, don't forget to bring a dark suit, a white shirt and a tie for Earl, I want the kids dress like they're going to church.
Earl Williams: No. The kids are suppose to be in school.
Michael Kuzak: It's important if they be here.
Jackie Williams: They told me this morning that they want to be here with their father, Earl.
Michael Kuzak: Your families behind you. I want the jury to see that.
Earl Williams: All right.
Michael Kuzak: Good.

Hal Ochoa: [Live as seen on TV] Like college professors accused of killing his pretty white research assistant. How big apart is race going to play in this trial?
Michael Kuzak: Well, it shouldn't play any part at all, I'm trying this case on the facts.
Hal Ochoa: How's your client holding up?
Michael Kuzak: Right now, he's anxious for the trial to start. And we both feel confident that once all the facts are laid out, he'll be exonerated. You can put this whole mess behind him.
Hal Ochoa: Both sides should conclude jury selection today. For the Los Angeles Criminal Court Building, I'm Hal Ochoa.
[Turned off]


"L.A. Law: The Princess and the Pee (#3.5)" (1988)
Richard Mathers: Your Honor, the paramount issue here must be the interest of the parties, not the misconduct of an attorney or an individual serving in that capacity.
Judge Herbert Foster Reeves: Excuse me, I'll get to you later.
[to Kuzak]
Judge Herbert Foster Reeves: Mr. Kuzak, are you at all familiar with the Cannon of Ethics as it pertains to an attorney's obligation when he discovers the unauthorized practice of law?
Michael Kuzak: Your Honor...
Judge Herbert Foster Reeves: When he is made aware of the ongoing commission of a crime?
Michael Kuzak: Forgive me, Your Honor, but I didn't think that my client should be victimized by this man's fraud.
Richard Mathers: He didn't hesitate to try to victimize my clients with his own opportunism, though.
Judge Herbert Foster Reeves: Thank you, Mr. Mathers.
[Judge Reeves continues interrogating Mr. Kuzak]
Judge Herbert Foster Reeves: You weren't going to say anything unless you lost. Is that right, Mr. Kuzak?
Michael Kuzak: All I was doing was trying to mitigate the damage.
Judge Herbert Foster Reeves: That isn't your role! When you found out, you had an obligation to reveal what you knew, period!
Michael Kuzak: With all due respect, Your Honor, Mr. Mathers maybe lacking in character, but his clients receive legal representation at least as good as that provided by most of the licensed practitioners to be found in these courts.
Richard Mathers: That in no way vitiates the need for a mistrial. There is a presumptive conclusion that a party can receive adequate representation only from an attorney licensed to practice.
Michael Kuzak: The Tolands got a fair trial, justice isn't served by declaring it void.
Judge Herbert Foster Reeves: Thank you for your commentary, gentlemen. Mr. Kuzak, despite your rhetoric, you are party to defrauding this court. I'm declaring this a mistrial, and I'm referring you to the Disciplinary Committee of the Bar Association. You can tell them how you were trying to serve the interests of justice.

Richard Mathers: The defendant profits by providing driving enthusiasts with cars designed for maximum thrills and minimum safety. Now I don't think I'm being unreasonable in asking that he take a few basic precautions so that these lethal instruments not be lurching out of control on our streets. When he sold that car to Barry Toland, he set in motion an accident waiting to happen. And for that, he was horrendously negligent... To the plaintiffs and to each and every one of us who drive, who walk, or who guide our children across the street. My client had a professorial love of popular culture. He liked the sound of saying he had a '64 goat. But he didn't have a clue what it would be like to drive one. He never considered that if he shifted wrong, the rear end would seize up, the wheels would lock, and he would be sent speeding into a concrete wall. Now, I think Gil Tecowsky had an obligation to ascertain the degree of Barry Toland's expertise. All it would've taken was a ride around the block, but if he had warned him, it might have cost him the sale. Justice demands that his negligence cost him more. Much more.
Michael Kuzak: [Mr. Kuzak the opposing counsel is next to make the closing] Wouldn't it be great if we could all be protected from ourselves? Steep ski slopes could be made gentle, so the clumsy wouldn't fall. Raging rivers could be dammed, so the inexperienced wouldn't drown. Spirited horses could be broken so the neophyte wouldn't be thrown. Our lives would all be made a little safer and a little duller until one day, we'd look up and wonder what had become of us? If you find for the plaintiff in any degree, if you impose on an honest tradesman like Gil Tecowsky, the obligation to be a surrogate parent for every person who walks into his shop, then you will wipe him out! Richard Mathers might say that's a small price to pay. After all, who wants these gas guzzling speedsters racing down our streets anyway? Well, I'm here to tell you that if we lose the Gil Tecowsky of this world, we lose something about ourselves as well. If we straight jacket the genius, if we punish the audacity found in the back allies and industrial flat of this country, if we judge a product solely on its safety in the hands of the incompetent, then we will find ourselves living under the tyranny up a mediocre in a land where the lowest common denominator rules. Now, we can feel bad for what happened to Barry Toland without relieving him of the responsibility for bringing it about. But... if we blame Gil Tecowsky, we punish the dreamer for his dreams and we reduce every one of us in the process.

Jonathan Rollins: Mike! Hang on. I checked out Richard Mathers.
Michael Kuzak: Oh, yeah... What's the book on him?
Jonathan Rollins: There is none. My friend went to the University of Pennsylvania never heard of him. Martindale-Hubbell doesn't list him. The California State Bar Association, the American Bar Association have absolutely no record of him.
Michael Kuzak: How can that be? They got a record of every lawyer!
Jonathan Rollins: That's right.
Michael Kuzak: What are you trying to tell me, that he's not a lawyer?
Jonathan Rollins: Never went to law school, never passed the bar, never got admitted in this state or any of other. Excuse me.
[Lift bells ring. Elevator doors creak. Kuzak will found out about who Richard Mathers is]

Michael Kuzak: [Outside the courtroom, Mr. Kuzak will have to find out about Richard Mathers an unlicensed attorney] Tell me this. Am I the first to find out about you?
Richard Mathers: Find out what?
Michael Kuzak: You must have known that some day someone will check you out.
Richard Mathers: I don't know what you're talking about.
Michael Kuzak: Oh, you think you know exactly what I'm talking about, Counselor. Come on.

Richard Mathers: [Here at the witness room, Mr. Kuzak is going to have to talk to Richard Mathers about him that he never passed the bar, and never been to law school as an unlicensed attorney] Looks like I have a problem.
Michael Kuzak: [sighs] We both got a problem. If I got to the court right now with what I know about you, there'll be an automatic mistrial. Since my client has spent more than $50,000 in legal fees and waited more than 3 1/2 years to get this little matter resolved. He doesn't wanna mistrial.
Richard Mathers: Get to the punchline.
Michael Kuzak: Recommend that your client accept this settlement offer.
Richard Mathers: Would you sell out your client to protect yourself?
Michael Kuzak: I don't consider a sell out... There was a reasonable offer before we went to trial, it's an even more reasonable offer now.
Richard Mathers: You think I got you beat, Mike?
Michael Kuzak: If I thought you had me beat, I'd go in there and have a mistrial declared right now.
Richard Mathers: You wanna turn me in, turn me in. But don't threaten to expose me as a way to jack up my client.
Michael Kuzak: No settlement?
Richard Mathers: On the terms you're offering. No chance.
Michael Kuzak: Okay!
Richard Mathers: What are you gonna do?
[Mr. Kuzak is going to return to the courtroom. Mr. Mathers an unlicensed attorney will be alone in the witness room. Mr. Mathers will find out that he never passed the bar]


"L.A. Law: Ex-Wives and Videotape (#4.14)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Michael, isn't it possible that your client, Earl Williams, really is guilty?
Michael Kuzak: [suddenly angry] Now that's a stupid question, Douglas!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What? I don't think it's a stupid question. Earl Williams admitted to cheating on his wife with the murder victim. He had sex with the victim in her apartment on the afternoon she was murdered. You put him on the witness stand were he revealed to have an angry and violent temper. He was convicted by a jury in a California Superior Court. Isn't it possible that he really did kill Nina Cory, and that he's manipulating you to make you still think that he's innocent?
Michael Kuzak: I'm not even going to answer that! Now, if you don't mind, I'm late for court!
[Kuzak storms out while Sifuentes and Markowitz both look oddly at Brackman]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What? I don't think that it's a stupid question at all. Did Earl Williams really do it?
[both Sifuentes and Markowitz both exit without saying a word leaving Brackman alone]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [bewildered] What?

[Michael Kuzak here at the Los Angeles Supreme Court in Los Angeles, CA. Michael has more, clearing his throat]
Supreme Court Judge Donald Tytell: Mr. Kuzak, the court has decided not to entertain your rebuttal.
Michael Kuzak: If it pleases the court, I would respectfully ask...
Supreme Court Judge Donald Tytell: Counsel, it would please the court if you take your seat.
[Mr. Kuzak has done enough already, so he'll take a seat and sit down. Los Angeles Supreme Court Judge Donald Tytell has something to say and address it in the Los Angeles Supreme Court]
Supreme Court Judge Donald Tytell: All of us have reviewed the transcripts on this case with a great deal of scrutiny. And we unanimously agree that this was an extremely balanced and close trial. In fact, it could be argued that on the record, the defendant appeared to have established to reasonable doubt. The jury obviously found otherwise which was certainly within their province. But it cannot be disputed. That the prosecutor's ability to establish the defendant as a liar played an integral part in her ability to secure a conviction. And it is likely that the District Attorney never would have been able to do this and she properly advised defense counsel of the card she was holding. Now it is our custom to go into session and issue written opinions. But since our respective positions are so clearly unanimous in this instance. And since justice delayed in some cases amounts to justice denied. We are ruling now. The surprise DNA evidence, prejudice the defendant's right to a fair trial under the United States Constitution. Accordingly, we hereby set aside the verdict, and the death penalty, and order a new trial to be scheduled immediately.
[A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan looked forward to it]
Jackie Williams: Oh. Good God.
[Jackie has praised to God, that it will help saved her husband Earl Williams' life. Victor give thanks to Michael Kuzak]
Supreme Court Judge Donald Tytell: This matter is remanded to Supreme Court for retrial.
[Mr. Kuzak and Ms. Flanagan has thanked the Supreme Court Judge Donald Tytell for everything]
Supreme Court Judge Donald Tytell: Thank you, Mr. Kuzak and Ms. Flanagan. We're adjourned.
[Michael Kuzak will be working on it. But Jackie Williams gives hug to Mr. Kuzak and thanked him]
Jackie Williams: Oh, thank you.
Michael Kuzak: I know someone we have to call.
[A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan is working on it. She'll look forward to it later in a new trial to be renewed of the case of Earl Williams]

Michael Kuzak: Did you read the brief?
Earl Williams: I've read it. It's good.
Michael Kuzak: We argue on Wednesday, I'll call you as soon it's over.
Earl Williams: I, uh, shouldn't be trying get my hopes here, should I?
Michael Kuzak: Death penalty appeals are usually losers, I'm not going to lie to you about that, but we do have a chance, Earl, we have a legitimate chance.
Earl Williams: How long does it take down to make up their minds?
Michael Kuzak: We usually taken under advisement. But you never know what this kind of case they could decide pretty quickly.
Earl Williams: This... is it. Isn't it, Michael?
Michael Kuzak: [Scoff] Not necessarily. We've got plenty of appeals left. We haven't even got into Federal Court yet, so...
Earl Williams: Yes. But this is one. I don't win here, and, I'm going to the gas chamber.

Michael Kuzak: [Here at the Supreme Court hearing] May I pleased the court, I'm Michael Kuzak appearing for the appellant Earl Williams. To entertain in my papers is an overview of the case. As well as specific grounds which mandate reversal in my client's conviction. Today, I would like to focus on the most compelling of those grounds the prosecutorial misconduct of Margaret Flanagan.
Supreme Court Judge Donald Tytell: I don't mean to cut you off with the jump, Counsel. But this court is generally suspect in that particular claim. Are you sure that's where you're want to steer us?
Michael Kuzak: I'm exactly sure. Margaret Flanagan's conduct in this trial was reprehensible. It was unethical. It was a breach of her duty to act as an officer of the court and it is the reason why an innocent man sitting on death row.
Supreme Court Judge Washington: I assume you're referring to the DNA evidence which place your client semen on the victim's bed.
Michael Kuzak: That's correct, Your Honor. The District Attorney had an obligation to disclose that information to me and to the court prior to the trial. She did not.
Supreme Court Judge Connolly: But according to the record, Ms. Flanagan herself got this evidence at the last second. There's no evidence that she willfully concealed anything. And the judge offered you a continuance to give you time and you declined.
Michael Kuzak: First of all, the record will show that she got the evidence from the lab on the eve of the trial. She sprung it in court 3 days into the trial, that give her 2 days to inform me which she didn't. That makes her conduct willful. As for my refusing the continuance, the damage has already been done.
Supreme Court Judge Richardskull: How so?
Michael Kuzak: Had I known which she had. As I was entitled, too, under Walker vs. Superior Court. I would never have deny that my client was having a sexual relationship with Nina Corry. I also would never have denied that he was in her apartment on the night she was murdered.
Supreme Court Judge Richardskull: In other words, you never would have lied to the court, if you knew you'll be caught.
Michael Kuzak: I didn't know my client was having an affair with the victim, it was a surprise to me as well. Earl Williams did lie. I'm not making excuses for that. But had I known he was lying, and I would have, had she followed the law, I would have stopped him from using it.
Supreme Court Judge Parker: I'm sorry. I'm not sure I understand the harm. Everything she introduce that the trial, your client admitted himself once he took the stand.
Michael Kuzak: The harm is that he was portrayed as a liar.
Supreme Court Judge Parker: Because he was a liar.
Michael Kuzak: He told one lie. Yes. And what I'm saying, Your Honor, is that had I known about her DNA evidence, I would have known he was lying. As the good attorney, I would have counseled him not to lie. The jury would never have perceived him is dishonest, and without that perception, Earl Williams would have been acquitted.
Supreme Court Judge Washington: Sounds a little meandering to me, Mr. Kuzak.
Michael Kuzak: Then let me make it more clear. She had two lynch pins in her case. The circumstantial evidence that placed Earl Williams at the scene of the crime at the time of the murder. And the evidence of his dishonesty. Have a District Attorney complied with the law, I would have kept the second part of her case out. That means that she would have been left trying to prove murder beyond a reasonable doubt, but nothing more than circumstantial evidence. And that's why she withheld it. To give herself something that she otherwise would not have had. She fights hard. She fights to win. I understand that. But if you are going to put someone at death row. If you are going to send a human being to the gas chamber, you should at least follow the rules and obey the law. Margaret Flanagan didn't.
[That wasn't good enough for A.D.A. Margaret Flanagan]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. Michael, where are we on the Earl Williams' appeal?
Michael Kuzak: Earl on arguments before the Supreme Court of California tomorrow 11 o'clock. Victor will be second chair.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Are we still doing the mood for it in preparation?
Michael Kuzak: This morning. You, Victor and Stuart is the judges, I hope you just look over the briefs.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I studied them.
Michael Kuzak: Good. I want you be as tough as you can. I'll be giving you a list as the issues that I believe the judges will be coming at me with, so whatever questions, you can call up with very helpful.
Arnie Becker: I think you really got a shot?
Michael Kuzak: Yeah.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. Major Kudos to Rosalind Shays. She's officially landed Anderson Industries as a client. This is the second largest steel distribution company in the country and potentially, the biggest client we've ever had.
Stuart Markowitz: That's terrific.
Arnie Becker: Way the go, Ros.
Rosalind Shays: [laughing] Thank you. I have a meeting with the CEO on Wednesday and I suspect that he'll put us right to work.
Leland McKenzie: That's fantastic.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It certainly is. And moving from the fantastic to the incredible, Arnold, you have a case involving Rochelle Peters?
Arnie Becker: Yeah, I'm representing her ex-husband.
Leland McKenzie: Is that the Rochelle Peters of the Evening News 7 o'clock?
Arnie Becker: Very one. And this is good. Evidently, Miss Peters did some anchoring before different kinda camera.
Abby Perkins: Don't tell me.
Arnie Becker: Home videos. Between she and her husband when they were just newlyweds in the act. The other act in a simultaneous acting we cut to 5 years later, husband becomes ex-husband, he has something all the adult film entertainment companies would like to have you, he wants to sell, she slapped him with a restraining order.
Ann Kelsey: That's despicable.


"L.A. Law: Prince Kuzak in a Can (#1.13)" (1987)
Mrs. Fields: I came out of the Video Store, and I walked across the street to my car.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: So you had a clear view of the crosswalk?
Mrs. Fields: Yes.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Mrs. Fields, would you please tell us what happened next?
Mrs. Fields: The young lady was in crosswalk, and then the car came out of nowhere knocked her down. It didn't even stop. He kept right on going.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Mrs. Fields, I know this all happened very fast, but did you get a good look at the driver?
Mrs. Fields: He was a white man, about 40 years old and he had a mustache.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Would you recognize him if you saw him again?
Mrs. Fields: I believe I could.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Do you see him today in this courtroom?
Mrs. Fields: Yes. Right there.
[the juries turned and look at the defendant. Sitting with his lawyer Michael Kuzak]
Judge Morris Hood: Please stand, sir, and state your name for the record.
[the man rise]
'Not Sears' Jason Cooper: Jason Cooper, Your Honor.
[That is not Sears. He is not the client represented by Michael Kuzak]
Mrs. Fields: What?
Michael Kuzak: The record will indicate, Your Honor, that the witness has failed to identify the defendant, Joseph Sears who was sitting right behind me. Mr. Cooper is a paralegal working in my office. He's assisting me on this case.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Your Honor, I ask that Mr. Kuzak be sanctioned for this deceptive maneuver.
Michael Kuzak: Hey, I do not have to tolerate that.
Judge Morris Hood: Take it easy, Mr. Kuzak. Continue, Ms. Gylkowski.

[Here at Judge Armand's courtroom, D.A. George Handeman got his stuff packed. But suddenly Michael Kuzak have a word with D.A. Handeman]
D.A. George Handeman: Hi, Mike.
Michael Kuzak: You want to tell me you're thinking, George? You got a million drug busts backing up like sewage. There aren't enough courtrooms to handle your current caseload of axe murderers, and yet you continue to press for a jury trial on a lousy hooker beef?
D.A. George Handeman: Hello, George, how are you? I'm fine, Mike, thanks. Smogs a bitch, ain't it?
Michael Kuzak: Can we cut through the crap here, please?
D.A. George Handeman: You want to slow down and tell me what you're talking about?
Michael Kuzak: Lurline Connors. This case never should have gone to court in the first place. And if it hadn't, there's an outside chance that Sid Hershberger would be alive today.
D.A. George Handeman: Sid wanted that trial, not me. I offered him a lousy fine and credit for time served, so get the hell off my back before I knock you down.
Michael Kuzak: I'm sorry. I thought that...
D.A. George Handeman: Think again.
Michael Kuzak: Well, is the offer still good?
D.A. George Handeman: Of course it is. I'm not looking to build a career on 50 buck hooker trial for God's sake.
[D.A. Handeman walk away, but Kuzak make an apology]
Michael Kuzak: George...
[Mr. Handeman turned back to Kuzak]
Michael Kuzak: I'm sorry about the attitude. I've been under a lot of pressure.
D.A. George Handeman: Forget it. You took his caseload, didn't you?
Michael Kuzak: Yeah. Don't ask me why, because I don't know.
[Thinking straight]
Michael Kuzak: I'll see you in court.
D.A. George Handeman: Mike, are you right?
Michael Kuzak: Yeah. Why?
D.A. George Handeman: Because I'm not. Ever since Sid ate his gun, I've been having nightmares. I'm afraid to go to sleep at night. I'm depressed, I'm anxious. I had to go back to my shrink. That's the most awful thing I've ever seen in my life. Man, it makes you stop and think about stuff you don't want to stop and think about.
[Mr. Handeman will be leaving]

Mrs. Fields: They look a lot alike.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: I agree.
Michael Kuzak: Objection.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: Withdrawn. Mrs. Fields, I show a photograph and ask you if you recognize it.
Mrs. Fields: Yes. The police showed me about ten pictures on the night of the accident. I picked this one out as being the man driving the car.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: At this time, I would like to introduce into evidence a picture of Mr. Joseph Sears taken at the Culver City Police Department at the time of booking.
Michael Kuzak: No objection, Your Honor.
D.D.A. Gylkowski: No further questions for Mrs. Fields, Your Honor.
Michael Kuzak: No questions.
Judge Morris Hood: You may step down.


"L.A. Law: Slum Enchanted Evening (#1.6)" (1986)
Michael Kuzak: Mr. Finney, have you ever been on a jury before?
Mr. Finney: No.
Michael Kuzak: Would it impose any undue hardship on you if this trial went more than 4 or 5 days?
Mr. Finney: Not really. My boss is paying me.
Michael Kuzak: Well, what do you know about the circumstances around this case?
Mr. Finney: All I know is what I read in the newspapers.
Michael Kuzak: And what's that?
Mr. Finney: Miss. Gill was the lady on the local news. They showed her having a breast cancer operation and then a while later she was fired.
Michael Kuzak: And when she was fired, did you sympathize with her at all?
Mr. Finney: I figured she'd turn up on another channel somewhere. They all do.
Michael Kuzak: Thank you.
[Mr. Robertson writing]
Stacey Gill: Not exactly in my corner, is he?
Michael Kuzak: We've only got three preemptory challenges left. I'm afraid we're gonna have to live with him.
Lawyer Neil Robertson: The defendant accepts Mr. Finney, Your Honor.
Judge Dorothy M. Pehlman: Mr. Kuzak?
Michael Kuzak: The plaintiff accepts Mr. Finney, Your Honor.
[Circling Finney with red permanent marker]

Michael Kuzak: Mr. Albert, do you have any feelings about TV news anchorwomen?
Mr. Albert: It's nice work if you can get it. Sit in a chair, read off a cue cards and collect a six-figure check.
Michael Kuzak: Miss Gill contends that she was fired because the station didn't want a news anchorwoman who was perceived as damaged goods. The defendants contend that she was fired because of low ratings. Do you think that you could examine that issue objectively?
Mr. Albert: I don't see why not.
Michael Kuzak: Thank you.
Lawyer Neil Robertson: No questions, Your Honor.
Stacey Gill: Let's lose him!
Michael Kuzak: We can't show cause. We're down to two preemptories.
Stacey Gill: He's already made up his mind.
Michael Kuzak: The plaintiff thanks and excuses Juror Number Five, Your Honor.
Judge Dorothy M. Pehlman: You're excused, Mr. Albert.
[Mr. Kuzak cross the name Mr. Albert out with a black permanent marker]


"L.A. Law: Outward Bound (#4.21)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Will Rosalind be joining?
Leland McKenzie: Uh, no. No, she won't. As a matter a fact, Rosalind has ask me to informed you all, she'll be leaving by the end of the week.
Arnie Becker: She's taking all those clients with her?
Leland McKenzie: Yes.
[Benny has serve some danishes on the plate. Ann ask Benny how his show of The Wizard of Oz going so far]
Ann Kelsey: So, Benny, how's the show going?
Benny Stulwicz: Good.
Stuart Markowitz: You're shopping for an agent yet?
Benny Stulwicz: No.
[Benny felt bad. And he left the meeting]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What's with him?
Leland McKenzie: Can we get started?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Cavanaugh vs. Smyth.
Michael Kuzak: And we go today. It's gonna be a tough one.
Arnie Becker: I'm surprised you're even taken it to trial.
Michael Kuzak: Well, outing makes some people pretty mad, Arnie, and particularly the out he...
Jonathan Rollins: What is outing?
Michael Kuzak: There some gay activists like the defendant who believed in forcing other gays to come out of the closet. Sometimes it's gay, politicians who don't support gay causes other times it's just people that they want everyone to know they are gay.
Abby Perkins: Sounds nasty.

Michael Kuzak: Yeah, well the defendant has freedom of the press on his side, what was published was true. So it's not liable. It's probably not invasion privacy either since my guy was a public figure.
Ann Kelsey: Which is why he was out in the first place.
Michael Kuzak: Right.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, a couple of queens get mad each other. Look out.
Michael Kuzak: These are not queens, Douglas, one is a cop, the other is a journalist. And they are both gays. But they're not queens.
[But guess who's here]
Gwen Taylor: Mr. Becker?
Arnie Becker: Yep.
Gwen Taylor: I'm sorry to interrupt, but lease decker's on the phone wants to know if she can come in at 3:00.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, sure.
Gwen Taylor: Okay.
Victor Sifuentes: Who is?
Arnie Becker: Oh, Roxanne's working half days this week, she needs some more time to tint to her father, so, uh, Gwen is filling in for...
Victor Sifuentes: Gwen.
Leland McKenzie: Is there anything else we can cover?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Actually, that's it.
Michael Kuzak: Uh, just a second. It's no secret that I have been interviewing with the Wall Street Firm. I've decided to go back to New York. My father has cancer, and the doctors give him a year so to live. I'd like to give him a year also myself. I'm sorry.
[Michael will be going]


"L.A. Law: Bang... Zoom... Zap (#4.19)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Reynolds vs. Mendez. Stuart, you're really doing this?
Stuart Markowitz: Yep.
Rosalind Shays: He's heading Stuart into federal court, Michael?
Stuart Markowitz: I'm ready, Rosalind. For this case, I'm ready.
Michael Kuzak: As Stuart's been working his pants off on this.
Abby Perkins: Nervous?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, yeah.
Ann Kelsey: If he loses, it won't be for like a preparation, I can tell you that much.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm not gonna lose.

[Stuart reading the law books. Knocking is Kuzak]
Michael Kuzak: How'd you doing?
Stuart Markowitz: I'm ready.
Michael Kuzak: I know how much this case means to you, Stuart, and I know how much you want to win.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, look, from the beginning, we all know this been more just a case for me.
Michael Kuzak: Speaking from having been there, I can see that sometimes that can hurt you.
Stuart Markowitz: Mike, I'm not gonna let it hurt me.
[Michael shaking hands with Stuart]
Michael Kuzak: Good luck.
Stuart Markowitz: Thanks.


"L.A. Law: Pilot (#1.1)" (1986)
Michael Kuzak: Miss Moore, for what it's worth, if you really do decide to get a gun, go out, and kill those three men who raped you... I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Adrianne Moore: That's the difference between us. I would.

Michael Kuzak: Michael Kuzak, attorney representing Justin Pregerson. I'd like to talk to the investigating officer.
Sgt. McKlosky: Which that would be Detective Tuttle.
Detective Lester Tuttle: Yeah, I'll get right up to it.
[Hang up the phone]
Detective Lester Tuttle: Lester, to his friends.
Michael Kuzak: What's all the excitement?
Detective Lester Tuttle: Memo out of Devision. We gotta search all attorneys before they go in. Lawyer brought a gun I to South Central. His client tried to shoot his way out. Speaking of which, your client is a real citizen, counselor. This time we got him on rape, assault, oral cop, sodomy. Not to mention that he's violated his probation in six different ways.
Michael Kuzak: Presumption of innocence, Lester.
Detective Lester Tuttle: The victim ID'd the kid's vehicle and picked him and two accomplices out of lineup. Let's see his daddy buy him outta this one.


"L.A. Law: Oy Vey! Wilderness! (#1.21)" (1987)
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: So... some kid take a potshot at me and all of a sudden I'm supposed to be the department's hard ass.
Michael Kuzak: Well, I don't think your being singled out, Grace. I think he was doing what cops do.
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: Since when are you an apologist for the L.A.P.D.?
Michael Kuzak: Since when do you have three drinks for lunch?

D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: [drunk] Hey... if you want me to go home. I can go home.
Michael Kuzak: How are you gonna get there? Crawl?


"L.A. Law: Blood, Sweat and Fears (#4.15)" (1990)
Leland McKenzie: [Leland has arrived at the Conference Room, late night. He is making an announcement to every partners] I want to thank you all for staying late.
Michael Kuzak: So what's going on, Leland?
Leland McKenzie: This. Effective as of this Friday. I am resigning as Senior Partner of this law firm.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What?
Ann Kelsey: Leland.
Leland McKenzie: I'll stay on as of Counsel. But one of you will have to take over.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Are you sick?
Leland McKenzie: No, no. I'm not sick. My health has nothing to do with it.
Ann Kelsey: Then what? What possible reason could you have for dropping this kind of bomb on us?
Leland McKenzie: Because for some time now, I've hated to come into work, Ann. People keep threatening to quit. People tell me to go to hell. The place is splitting at the scenes and I can't be the one to hold it together very long.
Arnie Becker: So what are we supposed to do?
Leland McKenzie: You'll elect the new Senior Partner, that's what you'll do.
Ann Kelsey: Who? Who here can do this job?
Leland McKenzie: Anybody but me.
Michael Kuzak: Well, you can't do this, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: Oh, yes, I can. I'm old. I'm rich. I'm done.
[Leland resign as Senior Partner and going for to nominate and electing the next Senior Partner for the upcoming Election Day. Leland heads and leave the Conference Room Meeting]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Proceeding along, Parral vs. Dayan. Victor?
Victor Sifuentes: Yes. The hospital has settled out, leaving just the good doctor. We offer 40,000, but they objective.
Jonathan Rollins: Isn't 40,000 a little low for wrongful death?
Victor Sifuentes: Well, the victim was terminal anyway, Jonathan, so the damage claims a little weak. Start today.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Keep us surprised. People vs. Earl Williams. For no masse.
Michael Kuzak: Motion to dismissed Wednesday.
Leland McKenzie: A chance of getting this kicked?
Michael Kuzak: Slim. But Pinto has been seen in the PI's, I'm working with expect to find him.
Leland McKenzie: And then?
Michael Kuzak: I question him. Which reminds me, if I did find the guy, and I need somebody to be there with me when I talk to him. I may need an impeachment witness down the road.
[Victor can't. He got his own case. Jonathan will help]
Jonathan Rollins: I can do it.
Michael Kuzak: Good.


"L.A. Law: I'm in the Nude for Love (#3.8)" (1989)
Michael Kuzak: Sorry.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, well, welcome back, Brother Kuzak. Freshly returned from exile.
Michael Kuzak: Thank you, thank you.
[Leland is so happy to welcome Kuzak back to the firm]
Arnie Becker: Boy, did that month fly by...
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I take it you're all ready to plunge into your defense the nudist colony.
Michael Kuzak: Yeah, I just came from there. We're ready for trial.
Victor Sifuentes: Ready for trial? Do I detect a little unauthorized practice of law at home here?
Michael Kuzak: Certainly not. My suspension ended on Friday and I prepared over the weekend.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, in the interest of the firm and a client, I wish you good luck, but as a purely personal observation. I wouldn't want those perverts prancing around my neighborhood either.
Arnie Becker: Check out the centerfold of this month's Flamingo, Mike. It's your star witness.
Michael Kuzak: Yeah, thanks, but... I've already seen the evidence.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving along, Malay vs. Century Partners Limited.
Stuart Markowitz: That's actually, uh, Abby's case. I'm doing a little tax work on it for her.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Abby Perkins is hiring McKenzie, Brackman to work for her?
Stuart Markowitz: That is correct, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Am I assuming we're to be compensated for these services?
Stuart Markowitz: Also correct, you're assuming that.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ben Ray, Jamie Ferguson?
Victor Sifuentes: Doctor takes the stand today.
Ann Kelsey: How's it going, Victor?
Victor Sifuentes: It's rough, Ann. Real rough.
Michael Kuzak: This is the girl in the coma, right?
Victor Sifuentes: Mm-hmm.
Stuart Markowitz: Forgive me, but I can't see forcing anybody to stay alive like that.
Ann Kelsey: Euthanasia's illegal, Stuart. You can't just kill somebody because...
Arnie Becker: Even her parents want her to die.
Victor Sifuentes: So where do we draw the line? First we stop killing coma patients, and then what? Babies with down syndrome? Retarded people?
Jonathan Rollins: Come on, Victor, the woman's practically brain-dead. If your own parents wanna pull the plug, who are you to say no?
Leland McKenzie: Now we are representing the hospital. This is the firm's client, not just Victor's. Which means to the extent that this draws any questions from the press directed anyone of you, you recite the company line, your personal feelings aside. On-the-record, we stand committed to keeping Jamie Ferguson alive. On-the-record, the taking of a human life is wrong. That is the client's position therefore it is our position. Are we understood?
Arnie Becker: Yeah.
[Dorothy listen quietly]
Leland McKenzie: Good. Move along, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That's it. We're adjourned.
[They are all dismissed with the Conference meeting]


"L.A. Law: Fry Me to the Moon (#1.10)" (1986)
Grace Van Owen: [angry tone] Now I have tried to keep my mouth shut about the Petrovek case. I have tried not to let my disagreements with your beliefs in this matter get in the way of my personal feelings for you. But getting this crazy animal out on bail... it's unconscionable! How could you!
Michael Kuzak: The man was wrongfully convicted, Grace.
Grace Van Owen: Are you saying he didn't do it?
Michael Kuzak: I am saying that his conviction was tainted. He does not deserve the death penalty. Nobody does. He deserves a new trial. He is innocent until proven guilty. That's a principal you don't turn your back on even if he is accused of committing a heinous crime.
Grace Van Owen: It is one thing to stick up for a principal, but you have taken your anti-death penalty views to a point of total obsession where you are jeopardizing innocent people by releasing a convicted killer!
Michael Kuzak: In other words, if people are frightened enough of Jimmy Pretrovk because of his appearance and attitude, that is it also okay to lock him up without bail and for the law suspend his constitutional rights to due process?
Grace Van Owen: Are you out of your mind? The man is a crazed killer! He has a criminal record a mile long! He murdered a pregnant woman and her husband! He did it! And he will do it again and again and AGAIN! And when he does... when Jimmy Pretrovk kills again, it will be on your hands!
Michael Kuzak: You've got a hell of a nerve saying that to me, Grace!
Grace Van Owen: Why? Because I dare to disagree with you? The Great Civil Libertarian?
Michael Kuzak: I don't punish you for your personal opinions and beliefs. Don't punish me for mine!

Michael Kuzak: What the hell happened?
Mr. Adler: Your man, Jimmy Petrovek, knocked over a liquor store. That's what happened.
Michael Kuzak: And four plainclothes police detectives just happened to be there ready to gun him down in cold blood?
Mr. Adler: He pointed a pistol at them. They were justified.
Michael Kuzak: Like hell! It was an ambush and you know it!
Mr. Adler: That punk was sticking a gun in peoples faces less then 10 hours after you got him released!
Michael Kuzak: That's not my point! Those cops executed Petrovek instead of capturing or wounding him and you set it up!
Mr. Adler: If you mean did I call the police and tell them to follow Petrovek? You're damn right I did! I told you so! Am I glad that he got killed before he could kill someone else? You bet!
Michael Kuzak: Thank you. You just brought yourself a wrongful death action that I am filing against you and whole district attorney's office first thing tomorrow morning!
Mr. Adler: Take your best shot! You have as much chance at that as I had at keeping that sleaze locked up in the first place!


"L.A. Law: Mutinies on the Banzai (#5.17)" (1991)
Michael Kuzak: Leland.
Leland McKenzie: That was a betrayal. To go to the others behind my back. That was a betrayal, you son of a bitch!
Michael Kuzak: I got two choices here. Either I can walk away from this firm or I can stay here and I fight for. I chose the latter.
Leland McKenzie: You chose to screw me!
Michael Kuzak: You chose to step down! You chose to put Douglas in charge! It's that were rebelling against...
Leland McKenzie: It's a rebellion against me! This is spit in my face to be someone like that and given an ultimatum!
Michael Kuzak: It's not an ultimatum, for God's sake, Leland, don't you listen? All you have to do is say no. You said it. So it's done. It's over. You're not the one being pushed out here.
Leland McKenzie: Yeah.

Leland McKenzie: [Returning here at the Conference room meeting] What's this about?
Michael Kuzak: The Partners excluding Douglas have a proposal that we'd like to offer formally pursuant to Article 11, Section 3 of the Partnership Agreement.
Leland McKenzie: I wasn't aware that you even read the partnership agreement, Michael.
[Michael will proposal it to Stuart who would read the letter]
Michael Kuzak: Stuart?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah. "9 weeks ago, the partners have this firm convened to address you, Leland McKenzie with our concerns regarding your leadership for this law firm. You responded to these concerns by appointing Douglas Brackman as Pro Temp Senior Partner for a 6 week period, while you attended to expanding our client base. No such expansion occurred. Now after 9 weeks, you have unilaterally extended Douglas as Senior Partner tenure to open-ended term, again without consulting the other partners you made a designation which affects all our interests, we feel we have no choice now but to call on you and the Executive Committee, schedule a new vote. Which vote would serve to either confirm your position or intern elect a new Senior Partner. Signed, Michael Kuzak, Arnold Becker, Stuart Markowitz, Ann Kelsey, and Grace Van Owen".
Leland McKenzie: Why you obviously all gotten together here. Who do you plan to vote in?
[the decision is their to decide. Either one. Ann choose is Michael]
Ann Kelsey: Michael.
Michael Kuzak: Douglas will remain as Administrative Partner. Leland, you would go to being up Counsel.
Leland McKenzie: You think you can just push me up?
Grace Van Owen: This isn't a push, Leland. It's a proposal.
Michael Kuzak: This is your firm. The decision is yours. Will abide by it. Which is what you know.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: This is an ambush.
Ann Kelsey: It's not an ambush. We are all on the same side. We all want what's best for the firm.
Leland McKenzie: Do any of you think you really know how to run a firm? It is in all just trying cases and... and collecting fee is a hell a lot more involved!
Michael Kuzak: Again, Leland, we're not pushing you out. To the contrary, we would be counting on your guidance in making the transition to the new leadership.
Leland McKenzie: You go straight to hell, Michael!
[Leland heads back to his office. And what's Douglas' decision?]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I take that as a no.


"L.A. Law: Izzy Ackerman or Is He Not (#3.11)" (1989)
Michael Kuzak: [angry] What kind of law firm did you used to work for, Dorothy?
Dorothy Wyler: What do you mean?
Michael Kuzak: We just got dismissed with the Davis case!
Dorothy Wyler: What? Why?
Michael Kuzak: Apparently, Jacqueline Davis got a bogus Mexican divorce from her first husband which voids her marriage to Ray. He is now out of court. Didn't you make any background check on them?
Dorothy Wyler: Well... I saw the marriage license and I stopped there. I... I thought it was legitimate.
Michael Kuzak: I know you did. If you hadn't and made a further background check of Ray and his wife, we would have come away with something. I could have kept Ray off the stand, or I could have earlier accepted their settlement offer. I would have done something besides get torpedoed in open court!
Dorothy Wyler: I'm sorry, Michael. Investigating Ray was my responsibility. I let you down.
Michael Kuzak: Yeah, you bet you did!
Dorothy Wyler: [as Kuzak turns to leave] Wait a minute! Michael! I'm sorry about it.
Michael Kuzak: I'm sorry too. It was both of our responsibility.

Michael Kuzak: It's not all my fault! Ray never even told us that his wife had been married before.
Arnie Becker: [while reading the Davis marriage and divorce papers] Douglas, I don't think we have anything to worry about.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No? Trust me, the legal malpractice sharks will be at our door salivating this.
Arnie Becker: You think this was malpractice?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I don't, but you can be damn sure that Ray Davis is gonna find someone who does.
Michael Kuzak: When I left him, he was a little too devastated to be even thinking about formulating a battle plan to sue us.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Believe me, that won't last. In five days from now, he and his new lawyers are gonna be rising up like the wrath of God.
Michael Kuzak: Well, he will go after somebody.
Arnie Becker: Hey Mike, if Ray decides to go after somebody, that somebody is us. Douglas is right. Ray Davis does have the grounds to sue all of us for malpractice.
Michael Kuzak: Well, maybe he should sue us. How else is he going to get any compensation for this disaster?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh-oh. This attitude of yours worries me. I got a distinct feeling that in an attempt to offer Ray Davis compassion with your very own admitted words: "Oh, I'm very sorry, Ray. I could have done better"... you just served up admissions of negligence!
Michael Kuzak: The poor man lost his wife because some hospital let her die because they didn't have any health insurance! Worse still, he also finds out that he was never legally married to her in the first place because she kept her whole past about her first husband and fraudulent divorce in Mexico a secret from him. Doesn't compassion or sympathy for Ray Davis enter into this at all for you?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: So long as it doesn't cost us money.
Michael Kuzak: Ah, the old refrain! Everything is always about money with you! The ultimate lynchpin consideration to which all issues turn!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Don't get high-mined on us, Michael. You are the one who screwed up here! You overlooked making any background check on Ray Davis' wife and didn't find this loophole first! You messed up, not Dorothy, not us... you!
Michael Kuzak: Careful, Douglas! You'd better not say that outside of this office because it might cost us money!


"L.A. Law: Fifty Ways to Floss Your Lover (#1.18)" (1987)
D.A. Bruce Rogoff: I'm putting two uniforms on you. They'll walk you two in from your car and they'll park outside your place at night.
Michael Kuzak: That's not enough.
Grace Van Owen: The man's in custody, Michael.
Michael Kuzak: Well his gang friends aren't. You going to have to cut off his visitors.
D.A. Bruce Rogoff: We're on top of it, Counsel. Grace, let me ask you something. You got a gun?
Grace Van Owen: No.
D.A. Bruce Rogoff: Do yourself a favor, I'll take care of the permit.
Grace Van Owen: And that's your answer? Arming the victims?
D.A. Bruce Rogoff: Maybe it's not the answer, but it won't hurt.
Grace Van Owen: Well it send the hell of a message, doesn't it, Bruce? The society of law and order, but just in case pack a pistol.
D.A. Bruce Rogoff: There could be a nut out there looking to blow your head off and you're worried about what message you sent?
Grace Van Owen: All I know is that I'm supposed to, supposed to represent the criminal justice system. And the day that I validate the notion that the only way to affect orders for district attorney to strap sidearms to this. That is the day I quit!
D.A. Bruce Rogoff: I'm not talking department policy here, I'm talking survival!
Grace Van Owen: I have never even fired a gun. And I'm not about to start carrying one. Not now. Not ever!
[Grace and Michael walk out]


"L.A. Law: To Live and Diet in L.A. (#3.7)" (1989)
[1 Month later of the New Year 1989. Grace is busy at the District Attorney's office. She is also alone. Michael has arrived to see Grace during his exile in his holiday vacation]
Michael Kuzak: Hi.
[Grace turned that its Michael who wanted talk with her]
Michael Kuzak: You feel like getting a cup of coffee?
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: No, thanks.
Michael Kuzak: Hey, I got a really big day planned. I gotta go to Oshman's, pick up a fishing rod, a reel, a few other little doodas. Why don't you take the day off and come with me?
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: If I thought that would change the way I feel, I would.
Michael Kuzak: It's not like you didn't expect this.
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: I know.
[Grace gets up]
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: It's just the fact of it now. I prosecuted this man based on an illegal confession and now he's going to die.
Michael Kuzak: Grace, are you gonna be able to live with this?
D.D.A. Grace Van Owen: No. No, I'm not.


"L.A. Law: Justice Swerved (#4.17)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: People vs. Elizabeth and Wayne Lafferty.
Michael Kuzak: Victor's in court.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Representing the baby killers.
Michael Kuzak: He's only representing the mother. The judge wanted co-counsel because this is a murder case, he appointed John Trischuta to represent the father.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I don't know how you can defend either one of them.
Michael Kuzak: The baby wasn't killed, Douglas, the baby died. Sudden infant death syndrome.
Arnie Becker: So that there he goes.
Michael Kuzak: Victor says they're innocent and I believe him.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All I know is it'll be nice to see this firm representing somebody other than accused murderer for a change.
Abby Perkins: I have this arsonist I'm trying to sake.
[Douglas don't like it]
Abby Perkins: Just kidding. Move along, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Isn't it nice to have this Lafferty?
[Douglas closed his Gold Pocket Watch]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: We're adjourned.


"L.A. Law: The Beverly Hills Hangers (#5.15)" (1991)
[Kuzak and Rikki Davis enter a secluded conference room after her acquittal for murder]
Michael Kuzak: How do you feel?
Rikki Davis: Well, I'm exhausted, but relieved that it's over.
Michael Kuzak: Yeah, you should be. You pulled it off.
Rikki Davis: Excuse me?
Michael Kuzak: It was too easy Rikki. The pieces you set in motion fell into place too neatly.
Rikki Davis: What are you talking about?
Michael Kuzak: I'm talking about you and Mark Chelios. We got a hold of the surveillance videos in his office building. I just found out that you've been in to see him twice in the last month.
Rikki Davis: So?
Michael Kuzak: So it was you two. You two killed your husband. It wasn't you and your boyfriend David Schaefer. It was you and your husband's lawyer Mark Chelios. You two either did it, or had it done.
Rikki Davis: That's preposterous.
Michael Kuzak: I don't think so. Mark Chelios is a brilliant attorney. That screw up he made on the will is something not even a rookie would make. He did it to give Mr. Davis' daughter a motive. He knew about Maryanne Davis' alienation with you so he romanced her to set her up, and to set himself up to be impeached on the witness stand.
Rikki Davis: Now you've completely lost me.
Michael Kuzak: No, drop the act. You follow me exactly. You and your partner-in-crime Mark Chelios knew that there would be no way for you to get away with killing your husband without suspicion falling directly on you. Sure, you could set it up to look like a suicide. But that would be fifty-fifty at best. The only way to guarantee you getting away with it was double jeopardy: to be tried and acquitted. So, Mark Chelios sets himself up as the big star witness against you. He carefully arranges those papers of Mr. Davis will to make it look like he was under undo influence when orchestrating the will. He puts the papers away in his files, and under subpoena, he gives the files to us. It all points to Maryanne Davis as the one who orchestrated this whole thing. He takes Maryanne Davis on dinner dates to make it look that she was taking advantage of HIM. He kisses Maryanne Davis, when he's got to know that we're having her followed. My God... you were the one who insisted that we tail the daughter. You also insisted that we tail Mark Chelios. Perfect. I couldn't have pulled off a better plan myself.
Rikki Davis: Now wait a minute. Why would Mark Chelios take the witness stand and make himself a suspect if he was really involved in killing my husband?
Michael Kuzak: Probably because he has an airtight alibi for the day in question. And, since he knows that you were the one who made all the arrangements, there's no way any part of the crime could be traced back to him, even if he was investigated.
Rikki Davis: [chuckles very sinisterly] That's a very good story, counselor. Too bad you can't repeat it.
Michael Kuzak: Yeah, well sometimes I get so carried away with defending my clients that I lose my track on their own morality.


"L.A. Law: Raiders of the Lost Bark (#1.7)" (1986)
Michael Kuzak: [choosing stakes for a bet] You can pick anything you want.
Victor Sifuentes: Ok... your leather chair.
Michael Kuzak: Except that.


"L.A. Law: He's a Crowd (#5.12)" (1991)
Tommy Mullaney: How's Zoey doing?
Michael Kuzak: Zoey?
Tommy Mullaney: She's the D.A. prosecuting your client. She's also my ex-wife.
Michael Kuzak: You're kidding! That young blond woman is your ex-wife?
Tommy Mullaney: Yeah. She told me that she thinks it's funny you representing a guy with multiple personalities when you yourself don't even have one.


"L.A. Law: The Accidental Jurist (#3.12)" (1989)
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: I am a very conservative judge, Mr. Kuzak. I am a little curious to know, why did you agree with the opposing counsel to pick me to hear this case?
Michael Kuzak: Well, because of your reputation for fairness among other things.
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: Would those "other things" have anything to do with Stephanie Hall?
Michael Kuzak: [caught off guard] I beg your pardon?
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: Stephanie Hall... a private investigator who has been asking me pointed questions about my personal life. And a little digging of my own revealed that she is sometimes employed by your firm. I have no doubt that my reputation for fairness played its part in your selection Mr. Kuzak, and frankly... I think it stinks!
Michael Kuzak: I had a very tough case to try. I didn't want to make it tougher by selecting a judge with any unfair prejudice. I figured that you wouldn't condemn a person based on his sexuality.
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: That's well put, counselor. But the truth is, you are the one who's guilty of prejudice here. You automatically assumed that just because you secretly had me investigated and found out that I was homosexual that my private lifestyle would factor into my personal judgment? Do you also make that assumption on heterosexual judges?
Michael Kuzak: I didn't assume anything. I was hoping to find someone to recognize that gay people can be heroes. That gay people can endorse products!
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: And I will be the first person to applaud your cause. But as a gay person, let me also tell you that public acceptance is not here yet. Nor do I think it will ever be. Do you think that I would have been elected or re-elected judge if people knew the truth about me? No, of course not. If anything... if me being gay hurt your case, it also made me all too aware that the public will never be accepting or tolerant to homosexuals. People do not want to see our faces on billboards, posters, television commercials, or cereal boxes in the case of your client.
Michael Kuzak: [rises to leave] Thanks for the bone, Judge. You just gave me the grounds for appeal.
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: Excuse me?
Michael Kuzak: You just said that you being gay hurt my case... suggesting possible judicial bias against us.
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: [stands up; angry] Judicial bias? My ruling was completely fair. You damn well know that!
Michael Kuzak: All I know is that I have to do whatever I can to protect my client. And that is taking advantage of what you just said here to re-open this case.
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: That is a total long shot, counselor!
Michael Kuzak: Which I have nothing to lose by taking. Look, I don't want to expose your private life here. That is not my intention. But I have to do anything I can to serve Matt Leonard or I will be guilty of malpractice. But if you were to set aside your verdict of your own accord for whatever reasons you decide... then I don't think anything about your personal life would have to come out in any appellate court.
Judge Lawrence O'Neil: Right or wrong, counselor, I have decided to keep my sexual identity a secret my entire life mainly for electoral and personal survival. But over the years, I have asked myself a thousand times, what would happen if somebody threatened to expose me or extort me in the middle of a trial? This has never happened to me before, so I've never known exactly how to respond. Now I do. My ruling stands! You do whatever you think you have to do.


"L.A. Law: True Brit (#4.11)" (1990)
Judge Saul Edelstein: It is an American courtroom, Sir Nigel.
Nigel Morris: That it is, but, I am in all respects an Englishman.
Michael Kuzak: Well, what is that got to do with anything?
Nigel Morris: Oh, so that you've been so kind as to grant me status is pro hac vice, that might I represent my client in your court. The wig and gown serve only to remind the jury that I am indeed a foreigner.
Michael Kuzak: Why did they need to be reminded of that?
Nigel Morris: Well, during the course of the trial, I might demonstrate some ignorance of your laws and customs and I wouldn't want that to be taken as contempt or disdain, it could inure to the prejudice of my client.
Michael Kuzak: Your client bulldoze Walt Brown's family business into bankruptcy!
Nigel Morris: Oh, come on.
Michael Kuzak: No! I - I don't want that undermine by the appropriate garb of a Queen's Counsel.
Judge Saul Edelstein: I take it you're object to the wig, Mr. Kuzak.
Michael Kuzak: Yes, sir. I do.
Judge Saul Edelstein: And I object to the robe. The garb comes off, Sir Nigel.
Nigel Morris: My Lord, I...
Judge Saul Edelstein: Overruled. 2:00 this afternoon and wear a suit.