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Quotes for
Roxanne Melman (Character)
from "L.A. Law" (1986)

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"L.A. Law: Wine Knot (#7.4)" (1992)
[Later in the evening in the city of Los Angeles]
Roxanne Melman: Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What's the latest on Benny and Stuart?
Roxanne Melman: Both safe and sound.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Great. Roxanne, what happened here?
[the window of the door law meeting room was wrecked and damaged. So the janitor clean, sweep and vacuum everything in the floor]
Roxanne Melman: Stuart got upset about Lincoln and tossed the chair through the window.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh. Abraham Lincoln?

[Benny is sitting alone of silence in the filing room. But Roxanne got in]
Roxanne Melman: Hi, Benny.
[Benny turned to Roxanne, and he has to tell the whole story]
Benny Stulwicz: We were having fun. And we came back, it was scary.
Roxanne Melman: I know.
Benny Stulwicz: Stuart was mad. Stuart was mad at me.
Roxanne Melman: I know. Why he was mad at himself. Because he can't remember things.
Benny Stulwicz: Like your dad Murray.
Roxanne Melman: That's right. Like Murray. Only he had a disease called Alzheimer's.
Benny Stulwicz: Once. Murray forgot it was Christmas.
Roxanne Melman: Mm-hmm. He got upset about that. Stuart's feelings confused, too.
Benny Stulwicz: Murray didn't get better. Is... is Stuart gonna get better?
Roxanne Melman: I hope so, Benny.
Benny Stulwicz: Yeah. Yeah. Me, too.
[Benny is going to head home]
Benny Stulwicz: Good night, Roxanne.
Roxanne Melman: Good night, Benny.
[Roxanne is going to see Lucy the baby girl]


"L.A. Law: Pilot (#1.1)" (1986)
[Roxanne shows Arnie the dead body of Norman Chaney across his desk]
Roxanne Melman: I was looking around for the smell when I saw this. Mr. Chaney. I haven't actually touched him, but I'm pretty sure he's dead.
Arnie Becker: If he is, I got dibs on his office.

Ann Kelsey: What's going on?
Roxanne Melman: Mr. Chaney's dead.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, no!
Roxanne Melman: Yep. I found him.


"L.A. Law: Open Heart Perjury (#2.18)" (1988)
Elizabeth Brand: So, how was your date with Dave Meyer last night?
Roxanne Melman: If I had three weeks to live, I'd marry him.
Elizabeth Brand: Why?
Roxanne Melman: Because every boring day with that man would seem like 10 years.


"L.A. Law: Zo Long (#7.3)" (1992)
[Back at the LA Law firm building. Roxanne will substituted today for Douglas because he not in the meeting today because he's in jail]
Roxanne Melman: Should we get started? First stop, People vs. Douglas Brackman.
Arnie Becker: He broke the law and the law won.
Daniel Morales: With 90 days in jail?
Leland McKenzie: Arnold, I know this isn't your primary area of expertise but Douglas insisted on our representation.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, of course. He doesn't wanna pay.
Leland McKenzie: Why... Just do your best to get him release.
Roxanne Melman: Yes, please, billable hours accounts receivable something for Douglas and I'm drowning in red ink. All right, next, uh, Weston vs. Weston.
Gwen Taylor: Yeah, Ann's still working at home, I've been assisting some writing depositions, and we go to trial next week unless some settlement can be reached.
Leland McKenzie: You have any questions or Ann's unavailable, you come to me. This firm needs Alec Weston's business.
Roxanne Melman: Uh, anything else, Leland?
Leland McKenzie: Uh, yes, don't forget Election Day is just around the corner. If the latest polls are any indication Jonathan Rollins could use whatever support we could muster.
Roxanne Melman: That's all.
Arnie Becker: In and out. That's what the staff meetings all about.
Gwen Taylor: Things are getting pretty thin here.
Arnie Becker: Pretty soon, we could get together in the elevator for the employment line.
Leland McKenzie: All right, now listen up, Douglas and I have made no secret of the fact that our situation here at McKenzie, Brackman is precarious at best. However you should be equally clear of the fact that I poured my life blood into this firm and I'll be damned if I'm gonna give up now. I expect the same commitment from all of you.
[Leland leaves towards the meeting window door exit, but turned back and look at Arnie Becker]
Leland McKenzie: Becker, get a haircut! You look ridiculous.
[Gwen looked at Arnie with a long hair, beard, and mustache. Gwen laughed at Arnie]


"L.A. Law: Hand Roll Express (#2.12)" (1988)
Arnie Becker: Roxanne, open your eyes. Jimmy Markham is conning you.
Roxanne Melman: Don't say that, Arnie! You don't know the first thing about Jimmy. You've never even met him.
Arnie Becker: Oh, come on, Roxanne! I've met this guy, I've met him a thousand times. He's the typical guy I see in all my divorce cases. His wife hires me to make him look bad. He hires me to make him look good. He comes off as charming, decent, curious, but like every wealthy businessman with an agenda, he's in it for one purpose: himself and himself alone. I know this guy, Roxanne. Hell, I used to be this guy!


"L.A. Law: He's a Crowd (#5.12)" (1991)
Corrine's Lawyer: How long have you been in Mr. Becker's direct employment?
Roxanne Melman: 12 years.
Corrine's Lawyer: And in that time, how many affairs had Mr. Becker had with his female divorce clients?
Roxanne Melman: I don't know.
Corrine's Lawyer: More then 25?
Roxanne Melman: I guess... I don't know.
Corrine's Lawyer: More then 50?
[pause]
Corrine's Lawyer: Awnser the question, Miss Melman.
Roxanne Melman: I'm thinking.
Arnie Becker: Oh, please Roxanne! 50?
Corrine's Lawyer: [to Becker] Interrupt again, I'll suspend these proceedings and move for costs and sanctions.
Arnie Becker: Threaten me again, and I'll pick you like a crusty scab you cheap night school act!


"L.A. Law: Vowel Play (#5.6)" (1990)
[Vanna White is at the office to see Douglas Brackman]
Roxanne Melman: There's a Vanna White to see you, sir.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ha. Ha. Very funny. Why don't the two of you go somewhere and have a vowel movement.
Vanna White: [enters his office] That's not very funny.


"L.A. Law: Happy Trails (#5.2)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [Back at the 444 Law Office Building in Los Angeles] Aside from humiliating this firm what you did bordered on fraud.
Murray Melman: I was trying to help.
Ann Kelsey: That doesn't help. Passing yourself off as an attorney, lying to the media, that doesn't help.
Murray Melman: I thought it sounded good. You see it.
Arnie Becker: Murray, you can't do that.
Murray Melman: So you don't want me to help?
Ann Kelsey: No.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No.
Murray Melman: You want to pitch in?
Arnie Becker, Roxanne Melman: No.
Murray Melman: OK. OK. Just so I understand that. My help you never want it.