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Quotes for
Douglas Brackman Jr. (Character)
from "L.A. Law" (1986)

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"L.A. Law: Hand Roll Express (#2.12)" (1988)
Leland McKenzie: While I'm sure we're all glad that Roxanne is out of her legal difficulties, by this time we're aware that hers were not the only indiscretions committed. While personal investments are, as a rule, personal business, anyone trading on stock tips even remotely questionable is compromising the integrity of this firm. I trust that those of you involved will take appropriate steps to rectify the situation.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Leland, if I may, the only thing I would add is that since Roxanne's matter with the U.S. Attorney's office is concluded, I'd like to give her 2 weeks' notice before the close of business today and start interviewing for a replacement.
Michael Kuzak: Now wait a minute, it hasn't been established that Roxanne knew that those tips were illegal.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That maybe, but this isn't a criminal prosecution. It's a law firm depending upon the good judgment of its employees. Roxanne let us down. Get rid of her.
Stuart Markowitz: Uh-uh. If she didn't know the tips were based on inside information, how can we punish her?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And what was her conduct when she did know? Did she immediately offer her cooperation to the federal prosecutor and seek to contain the damage or was her first priority to shield her paramour and further involved this firm's time and manpower in some tawdry little melodrama?
Arnie Becker: Who the hell are you to vilify her? How many times have you had to call out for help for the simple reason that you couldn't keep your fly zipped?
Leland McKenzie: All right, Arnold, let's not get into that now.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Whatever past scrapes, I've gotten into, I've never put this firm in jeopardy.
Arnie Becker: For all your sanctimonious braying, Douglas, neither has she.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, I don't intend to let this drop.
Arnie Becker: Fine, let me make things very clear then. You can express your outrage about this incident. We can have a series of discussions about moral consequences, situational ethics, or whatever you want. Just so you know, if you fire Roxanne, I walk out right behind her.
[Arnie leaves and heads out of the Conference room. Ann Kelsey is to blame for Roxanne's insider trading. Leland and Douglas need a moment of silence]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Jonathan, McMurray vs. Brinkley.
Jonathan Rollins: Uh, $185,000 award plus costs.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That brings Mr. Rollins to 5 and 0. I'd like to see those kind of stats from some other people around here. Seidell tax audits?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, I'm not going to have anything definitive on that until Friday.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Emile's vs. Southland Magazine.
Victor Sifuentes: Opening arguments scheduled for today.
Abby Perkins: Your case may be a editorial section of the L.A. Times today.
Jonathan Rollins: I never would've thought a restaurant review could generate this kind of controversy.
Stuart Markowitz: Are you kidding? Lorna Landsberg - Who by the way I'd love to meet sometime if you could.
[Victor nodded]
Stuart Markowitz: She's probably the most influential food critic around. She makes and breaks restaurant.
Victor Sifuentes: More importantly this is potentially a landmark First Amendment case. The same elements that were in Westmoreland vs. CBS, Tavoulareas vs. the Washington Post, Sharon vs. Time Magazine. They're all there. It is the kind of case that makes laws.
Michael Kuzak: Immortality, Victor. Nothing less.
Leland McKenzie: It's a serious issue though, if you don't have a free press if they're cowered by fear of being sued.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, but on the other hand, is the press entitled to be malicious if it means this guy with the restaurant suffers.
[Leland shrugged]
Michael Kuzak: Was H.L. Mencken malicious? Lincoln Steffens, was he malicious? If you don't like someone's opinion, it's easy to call him malicious.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, and there's something else really important to consider here. We now have a client who knows Spago's private number. We'll never be shut out a table there again.
[Ann laughs. Jonathan laughs, too]
Arnie Becker: Could you find out for me, Victor, if she knows of a restaurant that's serving Chinese food from the Hakka region? I think that this might be the next big cuisine.
[Abby and Stuart laughing]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Folks, we have to discuss one other matter before we conclude. Michael, what's going on with the United States of America vs. Roxanne Melman's own true love?
Michael Kuzak: She's under subpoena. If she agrees to testify against Markham, give up whatever profits she made, U.S. Attorney's willing to let it go at that.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Sounds a lot more lenient than I intend to be.
Arnie Becker: Meaning what?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Meaning she's history around here. I'll let her get through with her legal travails first out of compassion, but once they're done, it's good-bye, Charlie.
Arnie Becker: That's not really your call.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It most certainly is my call.
Leland McKenzie: All right, all right. Uh... We'll take this issue up at the partners' meeting.
Arnie Becker: You bet we will.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That's it.
[Douglas closed his gold pocket watch]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [Offering chopsticks] Thank you.
Officer Sandra Davis: You come here often?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: My first visit. I enjoy sushi, but my wife never have stomach for it.
Officer Sandra Davis: Is she out of town?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Excuse me?
Officer Sandra Davis: I asked where your wife is tonight?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: We're getting divorced.
Officer Sandra Davis: Oh, that's too bad.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It is and isn't.
Officer Sandra Davis: What?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I said it is and isn't. This way, I can indudge myself any way I like. I'm Douglas.
Officer Sandra Davis: Hi, Douglas. I'm Sandra.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Are you very experienced at this?
Officer Sandra Davis: What do you think?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I don't know, I'm so confused. Everybody's speaking Japanese.
Officer Sandra Davis: Well, you and I speak the same language.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Then maybe you can help. I haven't had any in a long time.

Officer Sandra Davis: What is it you want?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh... How's the Giant Clam or perhaps the Red Snapper?
Officer Sandra Davis: Why don't you go for half and half?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Would that be enough for each?
Officer Sandra Davis: Greedy.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How much is it?
Officer Sandra Davis: 40.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Is it like a Hand Roll?
Officer Sandra Davis: A Hand Roll is 20.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Maybe I should start with the Hand Roll, then.
Officer Sandra Davis: That's it. You're busted. Take him.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What? Let go of me.
Cop #1: You're under arrest. Assume the position.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What? I didn't do anything.
Cop #1: Soliciting an act of prostitution.
Officer Sandra Davis: You have the right to remain silent...
[Douglas is taken into custody by the cops at the Japanese Restaurant]
Sushi Chef #2: Arigatou gozaimashita. Sayanora.
Sushi Chef #1: Arigatou gozaimashita. Sayanora.
Sushi Chef #2: Sayanora.
Sushi Chef #1: Bye-bye.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Leland, could I have a word with you?
Leland McKenzie: Oh, certainly.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Shut the door.
[Leland closed the door]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm in trouble. I was arrested last night. They're saying I solicited a prostitute.
Leland McKenzie: Oh, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: They must be working Sushi bars to crack down a Japanese businessman. I started talking to this woman.
Leland McKenzie: And she was a vice cop.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Yes.
Leland McKenzie: What are you gonna do?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That's just it. If I take it to trial, the whole thing could go public. The press could get wind of it.
Leland McKenzie: I hardly think that's likely.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Sheila could find out! Her attorney will crucify me. I could lose my children.
Leland McKenzie: All right! Calm down!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Calm down? These people are Fascists. You don't know what I'm dealing with.
Leland McKenzie: Would you be willing to plead to a lesser charge?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Absolutely not! I'm innocent. On my father's grave, I was not pursuing her. Given my recent spate of misadventures, I don't care if I never see another woman again. Leland, I am many things a wholemonger is not one of them. I didn't even find her very attractive.

Leland McKenzie: Whether you found her attractive or not isn't going to sound very convincing if they produce a transcript.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What?
Leland McKenzie: A transcript. She had to be wearing a wire.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Of course! Leland, you've got to get hold of it. You'll see it was all some grotesque misunderstanding. I swear, all we were doing was talking about the menu.
Leland McKenzie: Let me see what I can do.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Thank you!
[Douglas hugged Leland]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Thank you.
Leland McKenzie: That's - That's all right.

[Knocking on door]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Come in.
Officer Sandra Davis: Mr. Brackman. I'm Officer Davis.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I didn't recognize you in your uniform.
Officer Sandra Davis: May I come in?
[Douglas don't mind]
Officer Sandra Davis: I realized I'm supposed to write you a letter of apology, but I wanted to tell you in person how sorry I'm about what happened. And I know that as a lawyer you'll take whatever action you think is appropriate. And that if get suspended, I only have myself to blame.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Has the suspension been threatened?
Officer Sandra Davis: Not yet, but it's a pretty safe bet if you go through the lawsuit.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I see.
Officer Sandra Davis: I don't have a right to ask you for anything... But I know I'm gonna be a good cop, Mr. Brackman. All I've ever wanted is a career in law enforcement.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Yes, I believe I'm taking the full measure of that commitment even as we speak.
Officer Sandra Davis: If you go through with this suit, sir, I understand, but if there's any way we can rectify the situation... Perhaps we could work out some kind of settlement. I could pay you out of my salary.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Money is not the issue.
Officer Sandra Davis: No. Well, I just wanted you to know that whatever you decide to do, I'm prepared to take the consequences. I'm sorry.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, wait.
[Douglas sees Officer Sandra Davis leaving]

[Exiting from the courtroom is Officer Sandra Davis]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Officer Davis.
Officer Sandra Davis: Mr. Brackman.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: A moment.
Officer Sandra Davis: How did you know I was here?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I called your Desk Sergeant and he told me said you were in court testifying. Not another solicitation bust, I hope.
Officer Sandra Davis: Speeding. A guy was doing 53 in a school zone.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Good for you.
[Beeper beeps in Officer David's jacket]
Officer Sandra Davis: Sorry.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I want you to know I think your coming to see me this morning display the great deal and spirit and character.
Officer Sandra Davis: Thank you.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Given that and that I've no desire to be punitive. I've decided to drop the lawsuit. I don't believe a promising career should be derailed because of a single incident of poor judgment.
Officer Sandra Davis: Mr. Brackman, I'm very grateful. I don't... I don't know how to thank you.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: May I make a suggestion, let me buy you lunch.
Officer Sandra Davis: Right now?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Is now not a good time?
Officer Sandra Davis: Well, it's not that. It's just - Well, I'm in my uniform and everything.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: So?
Officer Sandra Davis: You don't mind?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: On the contrary, I... I think the authority of blue serge makes for a most pleasing, and if I may say so, feminine appeal. Shall we?


"L.A. Law: That's Why the Lady Is a Stamp (#7.17)" (1993)
Benny Stulwicz: This is for white paper. This is for color paper.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh-huh.
Benny Stulwicz: This is for newspaper.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Right.
Benny Stulwicz: This is for shiny paper.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Benny, try not to spend the whole day on this, you know what I mean?
Benny Stulwicz: Okay.
Dominic Nuzzi: Where's my buddy? Hey, Ben!
Benny Stulwicz: Dominic?
Dominic Nuzzi: There he is. How's it going, chief?
Benny Stulwicz: Dominic, hi.
Dominic Nuzzi: Put out your hand.
Benny Stulwicz: How come?
Dominic Nuzzi: Put out your hand. I got something for you. Ha ha!
[Gives money to Benny]
Dominic Nuzzi: I wheeled an exactly to 8 race and a 25-1 shot. Bingo! He has no idea what I'm talking about. We had a very big day today, Ben! There's three large right in the palm of your hand!
Benny Stulwicz: Oh, thanks. Uh, this is my friend Dominic.
Dominic Nuzzi: Don't dribble on your shirt.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How do you do?
Dominic Nuzzi: Fine, thank you. Nice to make your acquaintance. Very beautiful offices you have here. Very nice. Very centrally located.
Arnie Becker: Where do you know Benny from?
Dominic Nuzzi: Uh, we, uh, sit at the counter at Du-Par's and have supper every night.

Benny Stulwicz: Uh, uh, are we still done a thing?
Dominic Nuzzi: What thing?
Dominic Nuzzi: You know the place you said where we're going.
Dominic Nuzzi: Yeah, well, I said we're going. We're going.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Going where?
Benny Stulwicz: It's a secret.
Dominic Nuzzi: Oh, this guy. Everything's a big game. It's no big deal, Benny.
Benny Stulwicz: Well, it is to me.
Dominic Nuzzi: [Dominic mimics Benny] Don't get all emotional on me, all right?
Benny Stulwicz: I'm sorry.
Dominic Nuzzi: Okay. Now there's a 2 year old running today that looks very good to me. Okay? They're all the Anna's the trainer. McCarron's up. I intend to show the source of support by going out to the track and betting next month's rent. Who's coming along?
Benny Stulwicz: [Benny changed his mind] We have work to do, Dominic.
Dominic Nuzzi: Why? Are you sure's nothing going to wait?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [Douglas declines] Thanks anyway. I don't think so.
Dominic Nuzzi: How about you, dear, you're interested in dating a Jackie?
Gwen Taylor: Excuse me?
Dominic Nuzzi: All right. Never mind. Listen, Benny, don't spend it all on comic books, huh? I'll see you for supper? Same time? Same station? Nice meeting youse. Yeah.
[Benny's friend Dominic is leaving out to the exit of the filing room. Gwen just turned when Dominic leaving the filing room, and she turned back again to see that Dominic went in the right way]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All right, folks, busy day today. Let's get on with it. The Craig Estate.
Leland McKenzie: I'll handle that myself, Douglas.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm available if you need me.
Leland McKenzie: Well, thank you. Given the length of time that I have known the family. I think Vivian would be more comfortable. She had to deal only with me.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. McAlister vs. the United States Postal Service.
Melina Paros: Brian McAlister's wife was shot and killed by a deranged co-worker.
Ann Kelsey: What's the cause of action?
Melina Paros: Wrongful death.
Jonathan Rollins: If the corks deranged, how do you get liability on the part of the Post Office?
Melina Paros: Negligent, supervision, together with a particularly high-stress work environment.
Arnie Becker: Excuse me, the Post Office is high stress?
Melina Paros: The way it's run now, it is.
Arnie Becker: Hey, delivering the mail is not high stress. This is high stress. What we do is high-stress.
Jonathan Rollins: And I think that at least a few of us here are probably deranged as a result of.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Melina, wasn't this matter supposed to be settled?
Melina Paros: It's not for want of trying that isn't, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Unfortunately, what that means for us is that you're going to be consumed with a trial.
Melina Paros: You worried about Southern Pacific statement.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You're right.
Leland McKenzie: What's the problem?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: The problem is we've been called in by the General Counsel to perfect an appeal and the clock is ticking.

Ann Kelsey: What's the lawsuit about?
Melina Paros: Discriminatory lending practices.
Daniel Morales: Hey, we're representing the bank?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Yes, we're representing the bank, and my hope is that we're representing the bank well enough that we get to represent other banks!
Leland McKenzie: All right, Douglas, calm down.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All I know is you better get some help.
Melina Paros: I will, Douglas. I will.
Gwen Taylor: I'm available.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Melina, this a complicated cases. Get some help.
[Gwen will be ready. So does Melina]

Arnie Becker: Benny, we like you to tell us a little bit more about this friend of yours.
Benny Stulwicz: What do you want to know?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: For starters, we'd like to know why it was that he gave you $3,000.
Benny Stulwicz: The horse he bet on one.
Arnie Becker: But why did he gave you money?
Benny Stulwicz: He always gives me money when the horse wins. I give him money to bet with, and he gives me money if the horse wins. And sometimes I think, even if the horse comes in second, you can still win.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You give him the money to bet with?
Benny Stulwicz: Yeah.
Arnie Becker: How much money do you give him?
Benny Stulwicz: Uh, that depends on how much money he needs to bet with. Sometimes he doesn't bet anything, and other times, he says you gonna bring down the hammer. That's what he calls it, and... and I give him a $100, $200, one time I gave him $500.
Arnie Becker: Benny, you have to stop doing that.
Benny Stulwicz: Why?
Arnie Becker: Why? Because you work hard for your money. You don't have that much of it, and you shouldn't be giving it to some guy to blow it at the track.
Benny Stulwicz: But he didn't blow it. He won. The other night, I gave him $200 and yesterday he gave me $3,000.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That's yesterday. What's he gonna do tomorrow?
Benny Stulwicz: I don't know. Uh, paper that has all the different horses that are running comes out in the morning.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Benny, the point is that he shouldn't be doing this with your money. You should be doing it with his money.
Benny Stulwicz: But he don't have any money.
Arnie Becker: Then he shouldn't be gambling. He should be working.
Benny Stulwicz: Well, he says the gambling is working. He says some people go to the office to work and other people go to the track.
Arnie Becker: Benny, this guy is taking advantage of you.
Benny Stulwicz: It's okay, guys, really. I don't mind given him money. He's my friend.
[Benny leaving and walk out the door]


"L.A. Law: Bound for Glory (#4.16)" (1990)
[Ann, Stuart and Douglas having a coffee break before heading to court, Ann is speaking with Douglas and Stuart]
Ann Kelsey: Did you see that? She's taking over. I told you, Stuart. I told you.
[Stuart sighed]
Stuart Markowitz: She just backed you up on your case, Ann. That's a good thing.
Ann Kelsey: That wasn't backing me up, Stuart. That was a calculated manipulation.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: She bossed me up. Did you hear the way she bossed me?
Stuart Markowitz: She wasn't bossing you, Douglas.
Ann Kelsey: Support, support, support. That's all she ever gets from you.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: ''Move along''. Very bossy.
Stuart Markowitz: She beat me in the election. I'm the one who's being sensitive here.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I think we should organize a little private meeting, see how everyone feels.
Ann Kelsey: Why don't we just take another vote?
Stuart Markowitz: It got to be done by executive committee. Article 3, Section 7.
Ann Kelsey: Support, support, support.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Not support, Ann. A rule.
Leland McKenzie: Excuse me. What's going on?
Stuart Markowitz: Uh, nothing. We're just talking.
Leland McKenzie: Benny has a little problem, Stuart. Could you help him out?
Stuart Markowitz: Sure.
Leland McKenzie: Let's be grownups.
[while Ann is preparing to head to court, Douglas will be heading back to his office, and Stuart will take care of that while helping the Law Messenger Benny]

Abby Perkins: He's the client. Not Abe. If he doesn't want to plead guilty - I can't be...
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Come on. Abby, he's a drug addict.
Abby Perkins: He wasn't on drugs when he was here, Douglas, I have no reason to question his capacity to make this decisions.
Arnie Becker: OK, Abby, technically, you're right. Joel is the client, you're... you're supposed to do what he says. Look if we do get this thing kicked, that kid go straight back to drugs. Hey, are you gonna feel good about that just because technically you're ethically correct? Let me tell you something else. If we get the case dismissed, we'll lose Abe Lassen as our client.
Abby Perkins: I can't let that be a factor.
Arnie Becker: Look, Abby, I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you here.
[Arnie closed the door and have private at Douglas' office]
Arnie Becker: If I lose Abe Lassen as a client, I lose a big chunk of my clout. The balance of power tilts even more heavily in Rosalind Shays' favor. She already has to be as client bases, she already been made Senior Partner. Losing Abe Lassen is going puts her one step closer to having unfettered control to do whatever the hell she wants.
Abby Perkins: Why don't you take me off the case? Cut the plea yourself.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: If we did that, Joel would smell a rat, and get a new lawyer, and the results for here will be the same.
Arnie Becker: You know the kid is better off doing the 6 months, Abby, you know it. All we're asking you to do is steer him in the direction would best help him give up drugs. Yes, I'm asking you to do it for Abe, yes, I'm asking you to do it for me, but I'm asking you to do it for Joel. Maybe his only chance, for God's sake.
Abby Perkins: OK, I'll see if I can convince him.
Arnie Becker: Thank you.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Thank you.
[Abby will give it a shot and a try to help save her client Joel Lassen]

[the first day of a new incoming Senior Partner as the first woman to be in charge in the law offices meeting is Rosalind Shays since she was elected last week]
Stuart Markowitz: Ann.
Rosalind Shays: Douglas, I think everybody's here. Why don't you get started?
[And every people seated. Douglas bring his coffee and opened his time on his pocket watch, beginning the meeting of today in the morning]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Okay. People vs. Lassen.
Abby Perkins: Joel Lassen's been busted for possession again. Arraignments tomorrow.
Rosalind Shays: Why are we in this?
Arnie Becker: Because he's Abe Lassen's son.
Rosalind Shays: Say no more.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Breecher vs Wynn.
Jonathan Rollins: That's mine. Our client packages county fairs. The main event of one of them is a frog-jumping contest. There was prize money involved, and one enterprising entrant, got himself something called an African Goliath frog.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: An African Goliath frog.
Jonathan Rollins: Yeah. It was ruled ineligible hence the suit.
Rosalind Shays: I understand that there's appeal in things novel and strange. I also understand that as an attorneys, we need to amuse ourselves. But quite frankly, what I can't countenance are the sort of indulgences that hurt us.
Victor Sifuentes: How does this hurt us?
Rosalind Shays: It costs us. It makes us look foolish. What I'm saying, Jonathan, is that I think you're to have to be more selective of the kinds of cases he take on.
Leland McKenzie: Actually, he didn't take on the case, Rosalind. I did.

[Rosalind is waiting. Move on the next quorum. Arnie looked quiet. Leland is waiting, too]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving along. Jackson vs. Haas.
Ann Kelsey: That's mine. A young black boy was kicked to death by a skinhead. We're suing the skinhead's parents.
Arnie Becker: Why?
Ann Kelsey: Why? Because a kid doesn't become a racist thug in the vacuum.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: But suing the parents? To me, this utter litigiousness. It's... it's looking to the courts for a payday.
Jonathan Rollins: It's looking to the courts to fight bigotry, like... like Brown vs. Board of Education. Was that utter litigiousness?
Rosalind Shays: What was the age of the defendant's son at the time of killing, Ann?
Ann Kelsey: He was 15, Rosalind.
Rosalind Shays: I think that's young enough to infer parental liabilities. Good luck.
[Stuart is next soon]
Rosalind Shays: Move along, Douglas.
[Douglas is waiting, Leland holding his address note book]
Rosalind Shays: I said, why don't we move along?
[Meeting is adjourned]


"L.A. Law: Blood, Sweat and Fears (#4.15)" (1990)
Leland McKenzie: [Leland has arrived at the Conference Room, late night. He is making an announcement to every partners] I want to thank you all for staying late.
Michael Kuzak: So what's going on, Leland?
Leland McKenzie: This. Effective as of this Friday. I am resigning as Senior Partner of this law firm.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What?
Ann Kelsey: Leland.
Leland McKenzie: I'll stay on as of Counsel. But one of you will have to take over.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Are you sick?
Leland McKenzie: No, no. I'm not sick. My health has nothing to do with it.
Ann Kelsey: Then what? What possible reason could you have for dropping this kind of bomb on us?
Leland McKenzie: Because for some time now, I've hated to come into work, Ann. People keep threatening to quit. People tell me to go to hell. The place is splitting at the scenes and I can't be the one to hold it together very long.
Arnie Becker: So what are we supposed to do?
Leland McKenzie: You'll elect the new Senior Partner, that's what you'll do.
Ann Kelsey: Who? Who here can do this job?
Leland McKenzie: Anybody but me.
Michael Kuzak: Well, you can't do this, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: Oh, yes, I can. I'm old. I'm rich. I'm done.
[Leland resign as Senior Partner and going for to nominate and electing the next Senior Partner for the upcoming Election Day. Leland heads and leave the Conference Room Meeting]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Proceeding along, Parral vs. Dayan. Victor?
Victor Sifuentes: Yes. The hospital has settled out, leaving just the good doctor. We offer 40,000, but they objective.
Jonathan Rollins: Isn't 40,000 a little low for wrongful death?
Victor Sifuentes: Well, the victim was terminal anyway, Jonathan, so the damage claims a little weak. Start today.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Keep us surprised. People vs. Earl Williams. For no masse.
Michael Kuzak: Motion to dismissed Wednesday.
Leland McKenzie: A chance of getting this kicked?
Michael Kuzak: Slim. But Pinto has been seen in the PI's, I'm working with expect to find him.
Leland McKenzie: And then?
Michael Kuzak: I question him. Which reminds me, if I did find the guy, and I need somebody to be there with me when I talk to him. I may need an impeachment witness down the road.
[Victor can't. He got his own case. Jonathan will help]
Jonathan Rollins: I can do it.
Michael Kuzak: Good.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Lastly, cleanup items. As you know, the vote for the new Senior Partner is Friday, which is just 3 short days away. When it decided by plurality, the declared candidates are Rosalind, Stuart and myself.
Arnie Becker: Uh, Stuart, you little power hog.
Stuart Markowitz: I believe I'm qualified.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Yes, well, best of luck to us all. Let's try to run a clean campaign. And very lastly, I've been instructed to request that you keep the evening of May 4th, clear on your calendar, though I have no idea why.
Abby Perkins: Benny's clinic is doing a play. And he's landed a major role, so I think we shall all be there.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh, no. First Roxanne think she's Aretha Franklin. What's he doing? An evening with Mark Twain?
Abby Perkins: The Wizard of Oz. He's playing the Cowardly Lion. And Alice has been cast as Dorothy.
Stuart Markowitz: That's great.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, that's it, people. We're adjourned.
[Douglas closed his pocket watch with a chain]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Leland?
[Leland gets up]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'd like a minute of your time, please.
[They all dismissed]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I wasn't going to say anything, but there's no way I can just swallow it. You betrayed me, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: Excuse me?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How many times we talked about? Your turning over the reins to me. "Pretty soon, it'll be your firm, Douglas". How many times have you said that?
Leland McKenzie: You got my vote, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: But not your endorsement. You could have sat down with me beforehand. We could have mapped out a transition, and you could have coupled your announcement with a recommendation. But you didn't do that. Instead, you invited everyone to throw his or her hat in the ring.
Leland McKenzie: You can't expect me to mandate how the others should feel.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You've made a career out of mandating and steering people in directions, you wanted them to go in for my money, you were staring them here, too. You're non endorsement was conspicuously, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: Senior Partners don't have it given to them, Douglas. You want that job? You go out there. You take it. Now, you've got my vote. If you can't muster the support of your colleagues, that's not my problem.


"L.A. Law: Something Old, Something Nude (#6.1)" (1991)
[first lines]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Leland, we have to face reality. When Victor and Michael left, litigation fell off. When Jack Sollers went, it nose-dived. Now Abby's leaving and taking more business with her.
Leland McKenzie: All right. The situation is serious, but it's not critical.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I disagree. In the past three months, we've lost four major corporate clients including Tammon Group. The bank is so nervous they reviewing our line of credit.
Leland McKenzie: Oh, that's ridiculous. They're overreacting.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It gets worse. I got a letter this morning from Perry Littlefield. Because of the Shays' claim, Ballantine is doubling our liability premium. Because of Ann Kelsey's suspension, malpractice is going up to half a million.
Leland McKenzie: Over my dead body. We'll take our business elsewhere. I'll make a loan if I have to.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You can't keep propping up the firm with Rosalind's money. We have to consider alternatives.
Leland McKenzie: I will not consider renting space to Susan Bloom.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [speaking quietly] Her practice is phenomenal. She represents half of Hollywood and she's willing to pay top dollar.
Leland McKenzie: They call her "Jaws", Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [almost whispering] A rumor. Printed in the same rag that called me a bald bore.
Leland McKenzie: Susan Bloom is everything I hate about entertainment law - cheap, phony, utterly devoid of ethics.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Shh!
[Douglas really whispering]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You don't even know her. She's dynamic, she's... she's cutting edge, she's a litigator anyone would be proud to share space with.
Leland McKenzie: Why are you whispering, Douglas?
[Douglas turns back over there, there's someone there at Douglas' office. Douglas whispering]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: She's in my office. She's taken the trouble to stop by on her way to a very important screening.
Leland McKenzie: Bloom is here? Now?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Just meet her. That's all I ask.

[McKenzie and Brackman come in to see - Susan Bloom with both of her feet up on Brackman's desk, calmly reading/prying through one of his legal files. She's a middle-aged, obese woman, wearing an expensive-looking neon caftan with various expensive gold jewelry and puffs on a cigarette. McKenzie shoots Brackman a look. Brackman pastes on a smile]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Susan Bloom, Leland McKenzie.
[Susan turns and meets Leland while she's smoking and still sitting at the desk]
Susan Bloom: [thick Southern accent] Hiya, Leland! I hear ya need someone to save your ass.
[Susan sticks her leg on the desk while continuing to smoke. Leland is in shocked, while Brackman continues to politely smile at her]

[All filing in or getting coffee, including Castroverde minus Becker and Markowitz. C.J. passes Kelsey returning to the firm for the first time since her suspension at the end of the previous season; Kelsey's hair is now dyed dark red]
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Great hair.
Ann Kelsey: Thanks.
Leland McKenzie: Before we start, I have an announcement. For those of you who don't know, Abigail Perkins is no longer with the firm.
Ann Kelsey: What?
Jonathan Rollins: You're kidding.
Tommy Mullaney: Is she okay?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: She got a huge offer from McCann Jones, we couldn't match it, she resigned her partnership last night. And frankly, she couldn't have picked a worse time.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Doug, her father had a stroke. She's putting him in a nursing home which is gonna costs God knows how much. She needs some security.
Ann Kelsey: You knew about this?
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Uh-huh.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Since there's nothing we can do, I suggest we move on. I'd like to introduce our new associate, Bill Castroverde. Some of you are familiar with his talents as a litigator.
Tommy Mullaney: Familiar? He killed me.
Jonathan Rollins: Welcome to our side.
Bill Castroverde: Thanks. It's weird to be here.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: He'll be moving into Victor's old office. Second, a heartfelt welcome back to Ann Kelsey. Believe me, you were missed.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Ann's here?
Jonathan Rollins: All right. It's about time.
[Tommy applause to Kelsey since her more than three months suspension]
Ann Kelsey: It's good to be back.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Too bad Stuart can't say the same.
Ann Kelsey: He's with Matthew. Amalia quit two days ago and we've been going crazy trying to replace her.

Arnie Becker: [Ann is interrupted by Becker steaming in] What is this crap, Douglas? I come in, I'm running late, my messages haven't been picked up, my mail hasn't been opened and there's a bimbo sitting outside my office telling me Gwen has serving jury duty. I thought you were going to get her excused.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: She didn't want me to. You'll just have to survive with a temp.
Arnie Becker: I have special needs, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Personnel is Roxanne's department. Use your influence.
[to the group]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Jonathan has the Lunsford deposition, C.J. starts People vs. Manheim, I meet on the Powell trust. Anything else?
[No one answer]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh, one more note. We may be renting out our extra office space...
Leland McKenzie: This isn't settled yet.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Then we're adjourned.
[And they all disperse]


"L.A. Law: F.O.B. (#7.15)" (1993)
Arnie Becker: They're lot of ways I can go with this porn. I can become an Independent Producer, I can become an agent.
Gwen Taylor: I thought you're having been a Studio Executive, Arnie.
Arnie Becker: Gwen, in show-business, a sense of complacency is a very dangerous thing.
Ann Kelsey: I'm thinking of opening a restaurant.
Jonathan Rollins: A restaurant?
Ann Kelsey: Yeah. These guys has started the California Pizza Kitchen, we're both lawyers.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What kind of restaurant?
Ann Kelsey: I don't know yet.
Stuart Markowitz: What about Fast Food Jewish?
Daniel Morales: Fast Food Jewish?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, absolutely. I'd think it'll be great to be able to walk up to a counter and get a little paper cone filled with Kasha varnishkes.
[Melina laughs]
Jonathan Rollins: Well, I know that something I've always want to do.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, shall we get started? Falcone vs. Falcone.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, another divorce. I'm meeting with the woman for the first time today. I'll try to dispose of it as painlessly as possible. I'm really not up for a fight.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: People vs. Quinn.
Daniel Morales: That's my murder case. The jury's picked, we go to trial later today.
Ann Kelsey: Are you still holding with the plea of temporary insanity?
Daniel Morales: I don't believe in it, but it's all I got.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Samuels vs. San Fernando Psychiatric.
Ann Kelsey: Uh, all I know is the - this is a negligence action and Samuels knows some people in the Clinton Administration.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Whether we knew some people in the Clinton Administration. Mickey Kantor and Warren Christopher, both came out of L.A. Law firms, they tap in all kinds of people from here to do all kinds of things. What do we get? Nothing.

Leland McKenzie: Are you done, Douglas?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Yeah.
Leland McKenzie: Good. I have something I want to say. I've sat by and watched as this place has changed. People have dissipated their time and wasted their talents. You have all, in varying degrees, pursued other enterprises and neglected the one that this place was built on: The law. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a law office, and while you're present here, you will practice law. Period.
Arnie Becker: Leland.
Leland McKenzie: I'm not done. What you do on your own time is your own business. But at the work week, it belongs to me. So you're all going to have to do little sore searching. I want to see all partners in my office at 5:00 p.m. today. I will expect either a commitment or a resignation.
[Law partners and members will figure it out]

Ann Kelsey: Let me make some introduction. Gerald Samuels. Leland McKenzie, our Senior Partner.
Gerard Samuels: Nice to meet you.
Ann Kelsey: Douglas Brackman.
Gerard Samuels: Nice to meet you.
Leland McKenzie: Be sit.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How's everything in Washington?
Gerard Samuels: Well, at this point, everyone's still getting use to everyone else.
Ann Kelsey: Are you spending most of your time there?
Gerard Samuels: I go back and forth. One aspect of political life is remaining in a state of continual availability.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: In other words, when your President needs you. They're no excuses.
Gerard Samuels: Right.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: God, I love that.

Leland McKenzie: [laughing] What's your background, Mr. Samuels? How did you come to be a part of the Clinton in the circle?
Gerard Samuels: Well, I was pretty much of academic. I got my Doctor in Labor Relations and Organizational Development. MIT. I got to know Bob Reich, pretty much through attending conferences. Think I deliver the paper use particularly interesting at one point. And we got to be friends. Plus when I move out here, I got to know Mickey Kantor.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Through Bob Reich?
Gerard Samuels: No. Actually, we've introduced by our friend who worked at manad. Which was also Mickey's firm.
Leland McKenzie: I'm curious. How come you didn't take this to Manad?
Gerard Samuels: Well, as our feeling, we want us to be handled by a firm without Washington connections.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And tragically, that's us.
Ann Kelsey: How can we help you, Mr. Samuels?
Gerard Samuels: For number of years now, mental hospitals have been releasing patients into community without making any real adequate provision for follow up care. As a result, two things are happening. People are need of treatment have been getting it. And our cities have been inundated with, uh, disoriented, sometimes dangerous individuals who constitute a threats themselves as well those around them. I want to bring a test case, by suing San Fernando Psychiatric.
Leland McKenzie: Well, generally, you need a relationship or an necess to the event you're suing over?
Gerard Samuels: I'm a concerned citizen. We believe that necess enough.
Ann Kelsey: And when you say, "we", who are you referring to?
Gerard Samuels: I'm referring to various individuals at the high levels of the Clinton Administration.
[Douglas was impressive]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I think you've got a great case.
[Ann Kelsey will like that]


"L.A. Law: Ex-Wives and Videotape (#4.14)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Michael, isn't it possible that your client, Earl Williams, really is guilty?
Michael Kuzak: [suddenly angry] Now that's a stupid question, Douglas!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What? I don't think it's a stupid question. Earl Williams admitted to cheating on his wife with the murder victim. He had sex with the victim in her apartment on the afternoon she was murdered. You put him on the witness stand were he revealed to have an angry and violent temper. He was convicted by a jury in a California Superior Court. Isn't it possible that he really did kill Nina Cory, and that he's manipulating you to make you still think that he's innocent?
Michael Kuzak: I'm not even going to answer that! Now, if you don't mind, I'm late for court!
[Kuzak storms out while Sifuentes and Markowitz both look oddly at Brackman]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What? I don't think that it's a stupid question at all. Did Earl Williams really do it?
[both Sifuentes and Markowitz both exit without saying a word leaving Brackman alone]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [bewildered] What?

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. Michael, where are we on the Earl Williams' appeal?
Michael Kuzak: Earl on arguments before the Supreme Court of California tomorrow 11 o'clock. Victor will be second chair.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Are we still doing the mood for it in preparation?
Michael Kuzak: This morning. You, Victor and Stuart is the judges, I hope you just look over the briefs.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I studied them.
Michael Kuzak: Good. I want you be as tough as you can. I'll be giving you a list as the issues that I believe the judges will be coming at me with, so whatever questions, you can call up with very helpful.
Arnie Becker: I think you really got a shot?
Michael Kuzak: Yeah.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. Major Kudos to Rosalind Shays. She's officially landed Anderson Industries as a client. This is the second largest steel distribution company in the country and potentially, the biggest client we've ever had.
Stuart Markowitz: That's terrific.
Arnie Becker: Way the go, Ros.
Rosalind Shays: [laughing] Thank you. I have a meeting with the CEO on Wednesday and I suspect that he'll put us right to work.
Leland McKenzie: That's fantastic.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It certainly is. And moving from the fantastic to the incredible, Arnold, you have a case involving Rochelle Peters?
Arnie Becker: Yeah, I'm representing her ex-husband.
Leland McKenzie: Is that the Rochelle Peters of the Evening News 7 o'clock?
Arnie Becker: Very one. And this is good. Evidently, Miss Peters did some anchoring before different kinda camera.
Abby Perkins: Don't tell me.
Arnie Becker: Home videos. Between she and her husband when they were just newlyweds in the act. The other act in a simultaneous acting we cut to 5 years later, husband becomes ex-husband, he has something all the adult film entertainment companies would like to have you, he wants to sell, she slapped him with a restraining order.
Ann Kelsey: That's despicable.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Have you got the tape?
Arnie Becker: He'll be bringing it and we've got a meeting this morning.
Ann Kelsey: How can you involve yourself with something like this.
Arnie Becker: Because it's perverted, it's sorted, it's what I live for.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Keep us surprised, Arnold. And on that titillating note, we're adjourned.
[the meeting is dismissed]


"L.A. Law: Happy Trails (#5.2)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Aside from humiliating this firm, what you did boarded on fraud.
Murray Melman: I was just trying to help.
Ann Kelsey: That doesn't help. Passing yourself off as an attorney. Lying to the media, that doesn't help.
Murray Melman: I thought it sounded good. You see it.
Arnie Becker: Murray, you can't do that.
Murray Melman: So you don't want me to help?
Ann Kelsey: No.
Arnie Becker: No.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No.
Murray Melman: You want me to pitch in?
Arnie Becker, Roxanne Melman: No.
Murray Melman: OK. OK. Just so I understand that. My help you never want.

Arnie Becker: Was the gun inside the holster?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That's not really important, Arnie.
Arnie Becker: You're probably right. Big fat cowboy Senator Croaks on top of monomania surrogate, who's gonna care about the gun?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh, please. Evidently hauling them out as we speak. Arnie, I can't take this relationship anymore. I can't come home to her ask her how was her day and hear about bullwhips and gerbils.
Arnie Becker: So tell her to quit her job.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: She won't. She trained to be a sexual surrogate. She says, "That's what she is. No. I have to ended between us."
Arnie Becker: So ended. Why do you need me?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Because you're the resident expert on wiggling of hoax, that's why. I'm afraid Marilyn's pretty involved. I don't wanna hurt her and I...
Arnie Becker: You want to find the chickens way out.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Exactly.
Arnie Becker: Well, I happen to think that you two make a very good couple, but if you're sure that's what you want, uh, is what you do. Yeah. Take her to a nice elegant restaurant, you know some place where she went dare make a scene, uh, Mickey Blair's. Great. Mickey Blair's. Little wines, helen les soirs, and then you lean over with all humanity that you can muster. When he say, now trust me on this work you say, "Marilyn, I am overrode with ambivalence".
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Come on.
Arnie Becker: I swear to god. And you just drop the bomb, straight out. She's not gonna make a squeak the places too public. She might even admire your honesty. God, I love it when that happens. You say goodbye. You tell her that hurts you, more than it hurts her. You ask for the check. And you don't look back.
[Snaps]
Arnie Becker: Get the ballet on the way in and you'll have the car waiting.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No. So cold. I was hoping to come out of it as... as friends.
Arnie Becker: Whoa! Big mistake. Big mistake. Believe me. You want a total severance a clean break. The last thing you need, old memories coming back to hunt you.

Stuart Markowitz: Arnie, Douglas?
[Stuart brings Gwen Taylor]
Stuart Markowitz: You know this young lady, don't you?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh, yes, hello.
Gwen Taylor: Hello. Hi, Arnie.
Arnie Becker: Gwen, what brings you?
Stuart Markowitz: I just hired her.
Arnie Becker: Oh, great. Great.
Gwen Taylor: So, how's marry life treating you?
Arnie Becker: Good. Uh, very good.
Gwen Taylor: Good. Good.


"L.A. Law: Back to the Suture (#6.10)" (1992)
[Back at Douglas' office, he hears there's a phone beeping, and press off. But the door is opened is Douglas' ex-wife Sheila]
Sheila Brackman: You son of a bitch!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Sheila.
Sheila Brackman: How could you do that?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I assume you're talking about me and Veronica.
Sheila Brackman: How could you humiliate me like this?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Sheila, no one is trying to humiliate anyone, all this is about is two people who discovered a mutual need to be with one another.
Sheila Brackman: You're stooping my baby sister!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well you stooped my baby brother!
Sheila Brackman: So, I was right. You're doing this just to get back at me?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm not doing anything to you! I'm doing something for me. I didn't set out to fall in love with your sister, it just happened.
Sheila Brackman: Pervert.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Pervert?
Sheila Brackman: This is insets. But do you care? No! Do you think for one single minute how this is gonna make your sons feel? No! All you care about is your own disgusted perverted sexual desires!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: This is not perversion! This is not insets! This is two single people who have every right to be with each other!
Sheila Brackman: I hope your thing falls off, you son of a bitch!
[That goes for Arnie, too]
Sheila Brackman: Yours, too, you son of a bitch!
[Arnie and Gwen finds out what's that all about. And Douglas closed the door]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: He's been there 3 months?
Arnie Becker: According to Roxanne, who knew about this, Benny's been a pretty good parent. He even got the kid enrolled in school, that's a social services caught up with him. Benny couldn't show any proof of legal guardianship.
Stuart Markowitz: We're the real parents.
Arnie Becker: No father, mother's an alcoholic who abandoned him. The kid was living on the streets for 10 months.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, my God.
Arnie Becker: Look, I promise Benny we try to help get him back. Grace is going to handle it, since I could be a witness.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Wait a second. We're going to actually advocate that Benny keep this kid?
Grace Van Owen: Why not?
Ann Kelsey: What's wrong with that?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: He's mentally retarded.
Arnie Becker: I pledge this firm support, he gets it, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All right. But please. People, under no circumstances is this firm to assume guardianship responsibilities. On a more soothing note, I'm please to announce that no charges will be filed against Tommy Mullaney in the self defense shooting of John Harvey.
[Leland was surprised]
Stuart Markowitz: That must be a relief.
Tommy Mullaney: Yeah.
Grace Van Owen: I'm so surprised, they even considered it.
Tommy Mullaney: Thanks. Thanks, guys.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh, where are we Malone vs. West Side Medical at all.
Ann Kelsey: Deposition start today.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Any settlement offer to our client?
Ann Kelsey: Nothing worth mentioning.
Leland McKenzie: How much?
Ann Kelsey: 25,000.
Leland McKenzie: Should realistic to hope for mortgage account?
Ann Kelsey: Client doesn't want to.
Leland McKenzie: Well, don't you think she should?
Ann Kelsey: We're more concerned with stopping this guy from operating on anybody else, it's only a matter of time for he kill someone.
Tommy Mullaney: Is that the client talking of you?
Jonathan Rollins: Besides, isn't this guy is so unlike the top orthopedic surgeon in the universe?
Ann Kelsey: I've got a client who came out of surgery paralyzed for life. And the scrub nurse who says it's something weird happened to the universe's top orthopedic surgeon in the operating room that day, I'm gonna find out what.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Good for you.
Arnie Becker: Good for her, Mister Settlement? Mister, take the money and run?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Excuse me, believe it or not, I haven't to think there are certain things more important than money.
Stuart Markowitz: Douglas, are you feeling okay?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm on your side, Ann.
Ann Kelsey: Thank you, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Now that concludes our business. We're adjourned.
[Stuart closes his not and Ann closed the notebook. The meeting is over. Leland is waiting for awhile]


"L.A. Law: Justice Swerved (#4.17)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. I'm lunching with Richard Mermelstein, CEO of Tabun.
[Abby laughing]
Leland McKenzie: Oh, sorry, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Who's got an idea for a new television interaction program? Arnold, I like you to join.
Arnie Becker: Well, I can't. Corrinne and I taking Chloe to lunch this afternoon, it's her 7th Birthday.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Stiff them. This is a big paying client.
Arnie Becker: I will not stiff them, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Come on, Arnold, I'm talking about new business. Renter a clown for today or give her the puppet show, but...
Rosalind Shays: All right, Douglas, let's not get into this big debate right now. Move along.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm sorry, Arnold has the expertise in entertainment, he should be there.
Leland McKenzie: Then you should've given him notice. Move along, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What are you still telling me to move along? It's the right to snap, "Move along, Douglas," a function a Senior Partner status only is everyone here have that authority. Last week, it was Michael. Jonathan, Abby, would you like to tell me to move along? Why don't you try it?
Abby Perkins: Move along, Douglas.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: People vs. Elizabeth and Wayne Lafferty.
Michael Kuzak: Victor's in court.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Representing the baby killers.
Michael Kuzak: He's only representing the mother. The judge wanted co-counsel because this is a murder case, he appointed John Trischuta to represent the father.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I don't know how you can defend either one of them.
Michael Kuzak: The baby wasn't killed, Douglas, the baby died. Sudden infant death syndrome.
Arnie Becker: So that there he goes.
Michael Kuzak: Victor says they're innocent and I believe him.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All I know is it'll be nice to see this firm representing somebody other than accused murderer for a change.
Abby Perkins: I have this arsonist I'm trying to sake.
[Douglas don't like it]
Abby Perkins: Just kidding. Move along, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Isn't it nice to have this Lafferty?
[Douglas closed his Gold Pocket Watch]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: We're adjourned.

[Opening the door is Leland checking on Douglas]
Leland McKenzie: All right, Douglas, what's the matter?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Nothing. I just don't appreciate all the jocularity of this staff meeting, that's all.
Leland McKenzie: Okay.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Leland. Wait. I had a date last night.
Leland McKenzie: Yes?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Things progress to the point where there was an opportunity for a culmination of sorts, and I couldn't. I haven't been intimate with the woman from almost a year, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: Is this, uh... is there something... uh, medical?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It's Sheila.
Leland McKenzie: I beg your pardon?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Sex reminds me of her. And I think it's her memory that incapacitates me.
Leland McKenzie: Well, that doesn't... that doesn't sound like it could be right, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It's right. I just never knew her... vileness could have such reach.
Leland McKenzie: Listen. When I was with Jennifer, I initially separate from, uh, intimidation. But I was refer to an excellent therapist. One of the best.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Did it work?
Leland McKenzie: Well, I'm aware of it, actually. I was going to, but, uh, well, I have some came to.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Mm-hmm.
Leland McKenzie: But I think you should give it a shot.


"L.A. Law: I'm Ready for My Closeup, Mr. Markowitz (#6.12)" (1992)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Next up. Campos et al vs. Halifax Chemical.
Tommy Mullaney: We're going to trial.
[Brackman and McKenzie exchange a look]
Grace Van Owen: This is the class action suit brought by the Hondurans?
Tommy Mullaney: Uh-huh. I'm co-chair with Alex DePalma, the attorney who brought it to us. Farm workers down there used a real nasty pesticide called Trichlor, also known as "Wallop." It made 400 of them sterile.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Wallop indeed.
Tommy Mullaney: Trichlor was suspended by the E.P.A., but Halifax kept shipping tons of the stuff to Honduras.
Ann Kelsey: I thought this case was dismissed on jurisdictional grounds.
Tommy Mullaney: We appealed. The court ruled that since Halifax is based in California, we can try it here.
Arnie Becker: Foreign workers suing in our courts? Good luck.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It's worse than you think. DePalma is a solo practitioner from East L.A. Halifax is represented by Breech and Spitzer.
Jonathan Rollins: Those guys are pit bulls.
Arnie Becker: Kiss this one goodbye.
Tommy Mullaney: Look. We know it's a long shot. But what that company did to these people was a crime.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: But you can't write every wrong in the world. And this is eating up billable hours...
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Hours aren't the point here.
Stuart Markowitz: This is about conscience.
Arnie Becker: Come on, folks. We have to have some fiscal responsibility...
Jonathan Rollins: Yeah, but how far are we expected to go?
Leland McKenzie: [to Mullaney] Before this goes any further, I want to talk to Mr. DePalma and the class rep.
[to Brackman]
Leland McKenzie: Anything else, Douglas?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No. We're adjourned.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Gentlemen, when we took this on, you both agreed we should settle.
Alex DePalma: We asked for 4 million, they shot it down.
Leland McKenzie: So try again.
Alex DePalma: Mr. McKenzie, we are ready for trial. We've got a solid case on the facts. Mr. Campos has spend 6 years gathering data and overseeing medical tests down in Honduras. These people are counting on us.
Alvaro Campos: 30% of the workers at my plantation are like me. We can never have children.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: But you still have to prove a link to the pesticide. We all know how hard that is.
Leland McKenzie: The firm is in no position to carry this through a trial and appeals that could take years.
Alex DePalma: I didn't come here so you could broker a settlement and walk away with a big fee. I needed Tommy Mullaney to win.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You needed an experienced firm to back you. And we're telling you to settle.
Tommy Mullaney: Halifax isn't interested in settling. They want a verdict that discourages other foreign suits. The whole chemical industries behind them.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Great. Now we're taking on the chemical lobby.
Leland McKenzie: Look, why, why don't make another offer, try asking for 2 million?
Alex DePalma: That's a joke! After fees, it's barely three thousand per man.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You'd be lucky to get that for Third World workers.
Alvaro Campos: Third World? Does that mean our lives have less value than yours?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I wasn't saying that.
Alex DePalma: Yeah, then what were you saying?
Leland McKenzie: He's talking about the average wager.
Tommy Mullaney: Guys, uh, let me have a few minutes here, okay? I'll meet back you in my office.
[DePalma and Campos exit]
Tommy Mullaney: Thanks.
[Mullaney closes the door]

Leland McKenzie: I'm sorry I let you talk us into this.
Tommy Mullaney: Listen, Leland. We're talking about 15 million in damages here, with possible punitives beyond that. Our split would be at least two million five.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: If you win and if it holds up on appeal.
Tommy Mullaney: We get a verdict in our favor, they'll settle big before they appeal. I'm telling you, guys, we can pull this off.


"L.A. Law: Whistle Stop (#8.21)" (1994)
Leland McKenzie: And he went down to the police station to make what he thought was a routine statement, they arrested him for murder.
Stuart Markowitz: And he didn't tell you anymore than that.
Jonathan Rollins: Uh, not on the phone.
Jonathan Rollins: This is unbelievable.
Patrick Flanagan: Has a bail hearing be set?
Leland McKenzie: The DA's office has playing games. I'm going there this morning to see Holzman.
Jane Halliday: You mean he might have to spend the night in jail?
Leland McKenzie: It is a distinct possibility?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Once it's set, Ann, can you handle the bail hearing?
Ann Kelsey: Sure, the only problem is they won't be able to talk to Arnie until this afternoon in court all morning.
Jane Halliday: I'll - I'll go talk to him.
Leland McKenzie: Jonathan, you should talk to the police. Find out the names of all the officers involved. Get as much as you can.
Jonathan Rollins: Right.
Stuart Markowitz: We may also need the services of a private investigator.
Eli Levinson: I'll call Jinx.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All of Arnold's active clients need to be contacted reassured and, uh, assigned to other members at the firm, until Arnold is available again.
Leland McKenzie: You and I should make those calls, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And under no circumstances, should anyone talk to the press. I wish you were a statement and emphasizing our supportant belief in Arnold's innocence.
Patrick Flanagan: I can do that, I have some contact with the LA Times.
Stuart Markowitz: I'll talk to the office staff.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Good.
[Douglas has closed his gold hunter case pocket watch that the time is up]

[Here at the office, Leland is taking his medicine pills and drink water. Opening the door is Douglas]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You want to see me?
Leland McKenzie: Uh, yeah. Rosenstiel is set for the 17th?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I believe so.
Leland McKenzie: I don't want anymore continuances in that case. Whoever's going to handle it, I wanted to go forward.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Will do.
Leland McKenzie: Also I have to go into the hospital in a week or so. I'm not sure the exact date.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Was it for?
Leland McKenzie: I was in getting my prostate examined, my internist found something.
Benny Stulwicz: Your secretary in there and she said you had to sign this, uh, before I give to the media.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Could you wait outside, Benny, please?
Benny Stulwicz: Well, he said he park downstairs in the circle.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It doesn't matter, Benny. Wait outside.
Leland McKenzie: I will just be a minute, Benny.
Benny Stulwicz: Okay.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [Benny will wait. And closed the door] Oh, my God, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: I don't want any visitors when I'm in that hospital.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Okay.
Leland McKenzie: The Bradshaw Arbitration is schedule for that week, I'll need for you to takeover.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Fine.
Leland McKenzie: Well, it's about it. I'll keep you posted.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Is there anything I can do?
Leland McKenzie: No. Try not to lose the Bradshaw. Would you ask Benny to come in?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Okay.
[Douglas opens the door and bring Benny to come into the office]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Benny?
Benny Stulwicz: Can I come in now?
Leland McKenzie: Yes, you may.
[Benny gives the paper file and handover to Leland at his desk and signed it]
Leland McKenzie: Yeah.
[Benny whistling. And Leland handed the paper file back to Benny]
Leland McKenzie: Thank you.
Benny Stulwicz: Is everything okay?
Leland McKenzie: [Leland takes off his eyeglasses] Everything's fine.
Benny Stulwicz: I, uh, you want me to close the door?
Leland McKenzie: If you would.
[Benny leaves and closed the door. Leland is silent for the moment. He's holding his eyeglasses and looking up the widow and it's raining outside. And it's almost next week the final cases at law]


"L.A. Law: Splatoon (#5.9)" (1991)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [in the woods during a paintball war] You're very lucky, Jonathan.
Jonathan Rollins: Why?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Because you have youth. Choices. Look at me. I'm 40 years old. I'm out here in the woods, shivering all night, because I can't say "no" to a client who makes designer tampons for a living and sells them to the uptight and out-of-sight. I'm intimidated by clients! I'm scared of my ex-wife. My teenage son ignores me. And I'm too afraid to light a fire because of Stuart Markowitz, a five-foot, six-inch tax attorney with a Hitler complex. Don't end up like me, Jonathan. You still have choices.
Jonathan Rollins: Douglas, you still have choices in life.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You know, you're right. I chose to light a fire.

Jonathan Rollins: Any sign of 'Rambowitz'?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Stuart? I hope he got captured. He's probably eating bugs for breakfast.

[Markowitz stomps out a fire that Brackman has lit]
Stuart Markowitz: I said no fire! You want us all to be killed in our sleep?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Painted, not killed, Stuart. Worse case scenario: we get painted in our sleep.
Stuart Markowitz: And you think that's nothing? Tell that to the Cobras.
[Markowitz produces four 'kill-chip' badges and lays them out to them]
Jonathan Rollins: You killed FOUR more guys?
Stuart Markowitz: I'm going back out on recon. Jonathan, get two hours sleep. Douglas, you stand guard. Get up in the tree so you won't fall asleep.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What? I'm not climbing any tree.
Stuart Markowitz: Get in the tree, Douglas! I'll be back!


"L.A. Law: Hello and Goodbye (#7.13)" (1993)
[Here in the kitchen cabinet, Roxanne is having a snack break is the bag of soda crackers to eat]
Arnie Becker: Roxanne, you got crumbs all over the Behringer file.
Roxanne Melman: Better than the alternative. At least soda crackers stay down.
[Roxanne looking up the file]
Roxanne Melman: But this note.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Any word on Lucy?
Roxanne Melman: Still missing. Oh.
Arnie Becker: What?
Roxanne Melman: I guess wrong about that soda crackers. Whoa.
[Roxanne is heading somewhere to cool off. Douglas saw Roxanne took off]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: So what's the latest on my Hoover?
Arnie Becker: Over budget.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Has that?
Arnie Becker: Long and short of it, your books overwritten, we have to make cuts.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What did you take out?
Arnie Becker: A little judicious trimming here and there. Chapters 4-12.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Those chapters were the heart of my story.
Arnie Becker: Douglas worldwide wouldn't have to make any cuts if we rescaled the production. The scope of the material may be too intimate for big-budget release.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ah, a smaller boutique presentations, similar to a foreign film?
Arnie Becker: No, more like a movie of the week. It - it now takes place. No women's prison. Haa.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Any word on Daniel's baby?
Leland McKenzie: No. Not yet. But we're all working on the problem.
Arnie Becker: Well, colleagues at Channel 3 have been...
Jonathan Rollins: I've got City Council members getting the word out on the district's.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, let's hoped his efforts pay off before time runs out for Lucy.
[Leland is looking at his appointment book]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, Collins vs. Reeve and KINX News. Wasn't this settled?
Melina Paros: KINX is offering nuisance value, but on my advice, Mrs. Collins has refused.
Leland McKenzie: What cause of action?
Melina Paros: Wrongful death. We're suing the cameraman and the newsgroup for 1,000,000 bucks.
Arnie Becker: Come on, this poor guys distraught over losing his job barbecues himself on TV. You blame the press.
Melina Paros: If the cameraman weren't there, my client's husband would be alive.
Jonathan Rollins: Except for the first amendment, you might have a case.
Melina Paros: I know I'm pushing the envelope, but the people attire the media's lack of responsibility, I think it'll fly.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Who knows? Maybe we'll said a President, we could use the publicity.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ann Kelsey vs. City Los Angeles. What's this?
Ann Kelsey: I'm suing the LAPD for inadequate response during the riots. They had a helicopter overhead during Stuart's attack, and all he did was watch.
Leland McKenzie: Stuart, you're not involved in this action?
Stuart Markowitz: No, I'm not. This is Ann's shot.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What kind of damages he's looking for?
Ann Kelsey: Loss of consortium.
Leland McKenzie: Wait, you're aware with a case such as this, you can expect questions about your intimacies...
Stuart Markowitz: It doesn't matter, Leland. Clearly, I'm a shadow of my former self.
[Stuart needs to take a moment and be alone at his office]
Ann Kelsey: I understand that this is a matter of public record, but it's not up for discussion here.
[Ann closed her desk folder]
Ann Kelsey: Excuse me.
Leland McKenzie: Yes, ma'am.


"L.A. Law: Outward Bound (#4.21)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Will Rosalind be joining?
Leland McKenzie: Uh, no. No, she won't. As a matter a fact, Rosalind has ask me to informed you all, she'll be leaving by the end of the week.
Arnie Becker: She's taking all those clients with her?
Leland McKenzie: Yes.
[Benny has serve some danishes on the plate. Ann ask Benny how his show of The Wizard of Oz going so far]
Ann Kelsey: So, Benny, how's the show going?
Benny Stulwicz: Good.
Stuart Markowitz: You're shopping for an agent yet?
Benny Stulwicz: No.
[Benny felt bad. And he left the meeting]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What's with him?
Leland McKenzie: Can we get started?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Cavanaugh vs. Smyth.
Michael Kuzak: And we go today. It's gonna be a tough one.
Arnie Becker: I'm surprised you're even taken it to trial.
Michael Kuzak: Well, outing makes some people pretty mad, Arnie, and particularly the out he...
Jonathan Rollins: What is outing?
Michael Kuzak: There some gay activists like the defendant who believed in forcing other gays to come out of the closet. Sometimes it's gay, politicians who don't support gay causes other times it's just people that they want everyone to know they are gay.
Abby Perkins: Sounds nasty.

Michael Kuzak: Yeah, well the defendant has freedom of the press on his side, what was published was true. So it's not liable. It's probably not invasion privacy either since my guy was a public figure.
Ann Kelsey: Which is why he was out in the first place.
Michael Kuzak: Right.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, a couple of queens get mad each other. Look out.
Michael Kuzak: These are not queens, Douglas, one is a cop, the other is a journalist. And they are both gays. But they're not queens.
[But guess who's here]
Gwen Taylor: Mr. Becker?
Arnie Becker: Yep.
Gwen Taylor: I'm sorry to interrupt, but lease decker's on the phone wants to know if she can come in at 3:00.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, sure.
Gwen Taylor: Okay.
Victor Sifuentes: Who is?
Arnie Becker: Oh, Roxanne's working half days this week, she needs some more time to tint to her father, so, uh, Gwen is filling in for...
Victor Sifuentes: Gwen.
Leland McKenzie: Is there anything else we can cover?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Actually, that's it.
Michael Kuzak: Uh, just a second. It's no secret that I have been interviewing with the Wall Street Firm. I've decided to go back to New York. My father has cancer, and the doctors give him a year so to live. I'd like to give him a year also myself. I'm sorry.
[Michael will be going]


"L.A. Law: Odor in the Court (#7.9)" (1993)
Tom: You've violated our trust.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I deserve a chance.
Jay: I don't want to be curt. But give me that vile.
Tom: Jay. Maybe we should try looking this with the new heart.
Jay: It's the fair moon talking, Tom.
Tom: Please.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I made a mistake. Curiosity got the better of this cat.
Jay: Stop making excuses.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm simply trying... trying to protect Ms. Kelsey. You see she's been having problems with her husband.
Ann Kelsey: Douglas, this is the lowest you have ever sunk. How dare you! Gentleman, perhaps it would be in your interest if you're represented by another firm.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ann!
Jay: You can take that to the bank because we're taking him to the cleaners.
Tom: We're suing for... What are we suing for?
Ann Kelsey: Embezzlement. Breach of fiduciary duties. Ethics charges.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Quit being so damn helpful.
Jay: Thank you. You're fired.
[Two clients Tom and Jay are leaving, but Douglas wants them to wait and have some explanation]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Gentlemen. Gentleman. If there's anything else we can do here at McKenzie, Brackman.
Tom: You've done too much already.
[Douglas find out who is that man, accompanied by Daniel Morales]
Daniel Morales: Dennis Smith, this is Douglas Brackman, our Managing Partner. Dennis was an expert witness on the Graney case.
[Dennis shaking hands and met Douglas]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh, isn't that nice? Tom, Jay, are you sure there isn't something?
Jay: Oh, no.
Tom: Leave us alone.
[Dennis is smelling with his nose]
Dennis Smith: Doug. So, uh, what's your sign?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Excuse me?
Dennis Smith: And the Dennis like you doesn't need any excuse.
[Dennis trying to kiss Douglas, Tom and Jay find out what. But Douglas wants Dennis to get away not to be kissed of. Douglas wipe off his lips]
Daniel Morales: Douglas...
[Douglas confronts and punching Dennis Smith in the face, and have Dennis hit and fall to the ground. Daniel will pick Dennis up. Douglas' fist is not hurt]
Sheila Brackman: Sweetheart, are you hurt?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Of course not.
Dennis Smith: I'm bleeding!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm all man.
Dennis Smith: You son of a bitch!
[Dennis' nose is bleeding]
Dennis Smith: My nose! You probably put me out of business!
Daniel Morales: Get some ice on it.
Dennis Smith: I'm gonna sue you!
Daniel Morales: Come on.
[Daniel is taking Dennis away]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: One more today. It'll be a hat trick.
Dennis Smith: I'll see you in court!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I look forward to it.
[Telephone rings, and Sheila is wiping Douglas' mouth with a tissue because of Dennis kissing]


"L.A. Law: Bang... Zoom... Zap (#4.19)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Reynolds vs. Mendez. Stuart, you're really doing this?
Stuart Markowitz: Yep.
Rosalind Shays: He's heading Stuart into federal court, Michael?
Stuart Markowitz: I'm ready, Rosalind. For this case, I'm ready.
Michael Kuzak: As Stuart's been working his pants off on this.
Abby Perkins: Nervous?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, yeah.
Ann Kelsey: If he loses, it won't be for like a preparation, I can tell you that much.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm not gonna lose.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All right, Rosalind. I noticed you open up an account from Nosted Company. Is this a potential new client?
Rosalind Shays: Just some introductory talks, we don't have go through it here.
Victor Sifuentes: Excuse me. Nosted, the Liquor Company?
Victor Sifuentes: Let's move on.
Victor Sifuentes: No, no. Is Nosted going to become a client here?
Rosalind Shays: I've just opened some dialog, that's all.
Victor Sifuentes: Like hell.
Leland McKenzie: Victor.


"L.A. Law: How Am I Driving? (#8.20)" (1994)
Patrick Flanagan: Why don't we just give him another minute?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I think not. Let's get started. Ruland vs. Wayside...
Jonathan Rollins: Uh. uh, uh, uh, Douglas. There he is.
[Eli has arrived by bus]
Leland McKenzie: OK.
Eli Levinson: Sorry. Sorry.
Leland McKenzie: Uh-huh.
Eli Levinson: The buses were running late.
Arnie Becker: You actually take a bus?
Eli Levinson: Yes.
Stuart Markowitz: Unbelievable, isn't it?
Eli Levinson: It's really not that unbelievable.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And you're doing it for some kind of ecological reason, Eli?
Eli Levinson: I'm doing it because I don't have a driver's license. Denise is giving me lessons however, I'm inching on being ready to take the road test. And I'm about to buy a car
Ann Kelsey: You can buy a car before you get your license?
Eli Levinson: And to all partners just settle a case of mine is they send me a very large check. I thought I did something extravagant.
Jonathan Rollins: What are you getting?
Eli Levinson: I have no idea. Denise is set me up a car broker who presumably will get me through this is painlessly as possible.
Arnie Becker: Ultimately when buying a car, keep one question uppermost in mind. How am I going to feel when I'm standing in front of a restaurant? The ballet brings me my car.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Thank you, Arnold.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ruland vs. Wayside Hospital.
Jonathan Rollins: Yeah, that's mine. A 16-year-old girl found to be incorrigible by her father, is being committed to a psychiatric facility by him. She soon to be released from the facility and we're representing the father at the facility.
Jane Halliday: What did she do?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Drugs, sex, alcohol. Well, her father feel that she's basically out of control.
Arnie Becker: There but for the grace of God.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Askoff vs. Askoff.
Arnie Becker: Yes, we're representing Frank Askoff, his wife is suing for the divorce also looking to disembowel him financially. Her leverages Carmilla Greer.
Stuart Markowitz: What? He's in a book?
Arnie Becker: Yes, he is. He also runs a publicly traded corporation. He wants very much for this not to get out?
Jane Halliday: Whose Carmilla Greer?
Ann Kelsey: She's a madam.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm rather well placed, madam.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, I suspect there are a number people in that book who very much don't want to get out.
Arnie Becker: Well, you frequent prostitutes, you run that risk.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, I have never been the prostitute.
Ann Kelsey: Ah, gee!


"L.A. Law: Brackman Vasektimized (#2.4)" (1987)
Rhonda Vasek: I think I hate your wife.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You've met her?
Rhonda Vasek: No, I'm just jealous of her.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I remember when we were first starting out, this'll sound silly, I used to make popcorn for us and we'd lie in bed till all hours watching old movies on tv. Now she says the salt make her retain water.
Rhonda Vasek: I have a popcorn popper but I've never even taken it out the box. I don't even know if it works.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All you have to do is plug it in, I could show you.
Rhonda Vasek: Would you, would you show me how to pop my corn.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Lets go, now!


"L.A. Law: America the Beautiful (#3.17)" (1989)
Executive at Hackett Development Corporation: Okay, Mr. Brackman, better get your people in.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: We're in.
Executive at Hackett Development Corporation: Just the two of you?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How many people did the other firms bring?
Executive at Hackett Development Corporation: Bundies, back set for partners, you'll be fine.
[Douglas here with Law Messenger Benny]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Benny?
Benny Stulwicz: Yeah.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I want you to sit next to me in the meeting, okay? Like a lawyer.
Benny Stulwicz: Uh - uh - I don't know.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It'll be fine. Sit next to me, just take a yellow pad and write. Don't talk. Don't look around. Just look down at the pad and write.
Executive at Hackett Development Corporation: Mr. Brackman?
[Douglas needs a minute with Benny and they'll be in the meeting in few minutes]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Put these on.
[Douglas will give Benny to put on a reading glasses]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Great.
[Now Douglas and Benny are now ready for the meeting]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And get rid of the gum.
Benny Stulwicz: Uh.
[Benny has to find out where would he get rid of that chewing gum, Douglas got a tissue, Benny spit out the gum]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Head down. Write.
[Douglas and Benny are now getting to the conference meeting]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: McKenzie, Brackman, may not be all things to all men, but we think our strengths and your needs make a nice stiff.
Executive at Hackett Development Corporation: I think it's only fair to express my concern about Nobey area office.
Leo Hackett: That's what the alliance are for. Look, we're severing our tides with Gacey Whitman because I'm going to be able to pick up the phone and talk to my attorneys, I don't want to wait 3 days for a return call.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Of course not.
Leo Hackett: What's going to make this work is compatibility, because if you don't like the way I do business, if you're constantly having to be the barrier of bad news, it's going to affect your commitment to us.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Rest assure, Leo, that our professional obligation...
[Mr. Hackett is moving along to Benny Stulwicz]
Leo Hackett: What does your associate think?
[Douglas pause. And moving to Benny. Benny is writing quietly. Leo is talking to Benny]
Leo Hackett: You.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh, Ben?
[Douglas wants Benny to answer and pay to attention to Leo. Benny look at Leo]
Leo Hackett: You heard all this. Uh, how would you assess this imagine terms of compatibility?
Benny Stulwicz: [Benny thinking] I don't know.
[Douglas turns back to Leo]
Leo Hackett: I don't know either, Ben, but I appreciate the cantor. For once, a lawyer doesn't bluff an answer when he doesn't have one. Thank you, Ben.
[Benny is continues writing, Douglas come back to Benny and pat Benny on his shoulder. Benny turned to Douglas. Douglas is so proud. Benny will find out]


"L.A. Law: I'm in the Nude for Love (#3.8)" (1989)
Michael Kuzak: Sorry.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, well, welcome back, Brother Kuzak. Freshly returned from exile.
Michael Kuzak: Thank you, thank you.
[Leland is so happy to welcome Kuzak back to the firm]
Arnie Becker: Boy, did that month fly by...
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I take it you're all ready to plunge into your defense the nudist colony.
Michael Kuzak: Yeah, I just came from there. We're ready for trial.
Victor Sifuentes: Ready for trial? Do I detect a little unauthorized practice of law at home here?
Michael Kuzak: Certainly not. My suspension ended on Friday and I prepared over the weekend.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, in the interest of the firm and a client, I wish you good luck, but as a purely personal observation. I wouldn't want those perverts prancing around my neighborhood either.
Arnie Becker: Check out the centerfold of this month's Flamingo, Mike. It's your star witness.
Michael Kuzak: Yeah, thanks, but... I've already seen the evidence.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving along, Malay vs. Century Partners Limited.
Stuart Markowitz: That's actually, uh, Abby's case. I'm doing a little tax work on it for her.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Abby Perkins is hiring McKenzie, Brackman to work for her?
Stuart Markowitz: That is correct, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Am I assuming we're to be compensated for these services?
Stuart Markowitz: Also correct, you're assuming that.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ben Ray, Jamie Ferguson?
Victor Sifuentes: Doctor takes the stand today.
Ann Kelsey: How's it going, Victor?
Victor Sifuentes: It's rough, Ann. Real rough.
Michael Kuzak: This is the girl in the coma, right?
Victor Sifuentes: Mm-hmm.
Stuart Markowitz: Forgive me, but I can't see forcing anybody to stay alive like that.
Ann Kelsey: Euthanasia's illegal, Stuart. You can't just kill somebody because...
Arnie Becker: Even her parents want her to die.
Victor Sifuentes: So where do we draw the line? First we stop killing coma patients, and then what? Babies with down syndrome? Retarded people?
Jonathan Rollins: Come on, Victor, the woman's practically brain-dead. If your own parents wanna pull the plug, who are you to say no?
Leland McKenzie: Now we are representing the hospital. This is the firm's client, not just Victor's. Which means to the extent that this draws any questions from the press directed anyone of you, you recite the company line, your personal feelings aside. On-the-record, we stand committed to keeping Jamie Ferguson alive. On-the-record, the taking of a human life is wrong. That is the client's position therefore it is our position. Are we understood?
Arnie Becker: Yeah.
[Dorothy listen quietly]
Leland McKenzie: Good. Move along, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That's it. We're adjourned.
[They are all dismissed with the Conference meeting]


"L.A. Law: Where There's a Will (#7.14)" (1993)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh, for heaven's sakes. What's wrong with Benny? No bagels. No bear claws.
Arnie Becker: No, blame L.A.'s finest who have us surrounded.
Gwen Taylor: It's been under surveillance is no picnic, Arnie, but I'm trying to go about my daily routines, so... let's get on with business.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Couldn't put it better myself. First up, everyone's favorite. Innocent convict. People vs. Osgood.
Leland McKenzie: Well, the bad news is Phillip Tice who confessed to the Halliday murder, uh, recently died. On the upside, I have secured an address on the missing witness. Daniel and I plan on paying him a visit.
Daniel Morales: Assuming the address is current.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Let's hope so because this could be for Frank Osgood's last chance. Next. People vs. Darcy.
Melina Paros: Anton Darcy is a longtime family friend. The grand jury indicted him for arranging his father's murder. I believe he's being framed.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What do you know the grand jury doesn't?
Melina Paros: Come on, Douglas, the grand jury with an indictable bologna sandwich has the D.A. wanted.
Leland McKenzie: Doesn't the D.A. have a confession?
Melina Paros: Not from our client, the police have another suspect in custody who's been offered a deal, now he's pointing the finger at Anton to save himself.
Jonathan Rollins: Because the trial's been expedited, I've been helping Melina, and I'll step in as needed.
[Leland gives cheers to Jonathan while drinking his glass of orange juice]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Keep us posted.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Bancroft vs. Bennett.
Ann Kelsey: Camille Bancroft, a Shakespeare Professor at Stanford is suing her colleague Simon Bennett for unfair competition.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Over Shakespeare?
Ann Kelsey: Simon Bennett and Camille Bancroft have taught together for years, not long ago he published his own book, based on their teaching method.
Stuart Markowitz: That's a great book. Shakespeare in Love. Won the Pulitzer Prize.
Ann Kelsey: Right. Deposition start today, and I was hoping to reach a settlement, but Simon and Camille are like stubborn children. They always have been.
Leland McKenzie: Do you know them?
Ann Kelsey: My first year at Stanford, I majored in drama. Overtime, I kept in touch with Camille.
Arnie Becker: Shakespeare's so depressing, I mean the lovers are always doomed.
Gwen Taylor: They're dead.
Melina Paros: That's why they call 'em tragedy.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All's well that ends well.
[Douglas closed his pocket watch that the time is up. The law meeting is adjourned]


"L.A. Law: Cold Shower (#7.16)" (1993)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh, can we get started?
Leland McKenzie: Just start, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm started. People vs. Matz.
[That's for Jonathan Rollins' while pouring to get a cup of coffee]
Jonathan Rollins: Yes. Yes. That's mine. Matz' has accused of selling stolen artwork to undercover cop. I'm pleading entrapment.
Melina Paros: That's a tough cell.
Daniel Morales: I know it is. You yet to stolen art in his position?
Jonathan Rollins: He did.
Daniel Morales: Any sold it to the cop?
Jonathan Rollins: Yep.
Melina Paros: So where's the entrapment?
Jonathan Rollins: Well, my client's gay. He claims to a fallen for the cop. He also claims that it was mutual, I'd say for the purposes of his trial at least that, uh, the cop seduce him.
Arnie Becker: In other words, it's your only shot.
Jonathan Rollins: Yes, right.
Ann Kelsey: Then it must me true.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: In the matter of Celeste Bauman.
Stuart Markowitz: Yes, that's me. Uh, Ms. Bauman has accompanied that markets' vitamins and dietary supplements, the IRS claims that she has under paid her taxes by some $800,000, and for some reason to being nasty about it.
Melina Paros: The IRS's nasty?
Stuart Markowitz: Celeste is gonna need little managing, but I think we can resolve it.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Gwen, you're observing on to this one, correct?
Gwen Taylor: Yep.

Roxanne Melman: Arnie, Jack Caller's here.
Arnie Becker: I gotta go.
[Ann finds out how Roxanne's been]
Ann Kelsey: How you're feeling, Roxanne?
Roxanne Melman: Pretty good.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Everything going all right? Visa V-V pregnancy?
Roxanne Melman: So far.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Good.
[Leland was so relieved about Roxanne's pregnancy. Arnie will be going and escorted out by Roxanne]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How much paid leave are we on the hook forward this one?
Stuart Markowitz: 6 weeks.
Ann Kelsey: You wouldn't have a problem with that by any chance, would you, Douglas?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh, no. I think it's the least we can do.


"L.A. Law: Tunnel of Love (#8.19)" (1994)
[first lines]
Arnie Becker: As far as I'm concerned, Patrick Flanagan is a felon. He gave me assurances that this little girl would not testify. That is obstruction of justice.
Leland McKenzie: Do you have any proof of that?
Arnie Becker: Of course, I don't have proof.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Patrick says that he tried notify you with the settlement offer. You were unavailable.
Leland McKenzie: He also maintains that no such assurances were made.
Arnie Becker: He's lying. Less to be under any further illusions, this is someone who lies. He stood my office, he told me what he wanted to do. I told him, no uncertain terms: "do not do." He went ahead and he did it anyway
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Parenthetically, it should be noted that he did bring in about $9 million.
Arnie Becker: Douglas, he is dangerous.
Leland McKenzie: Now, I think that might be a little harsh.
Arnie Becker: All right, Leland, look, you do whatever you want with him. But I'm telling you right now, I will not work with him again.
Leland McKenzie: That's your provocative.
Arnie Becker: On this one. Morales was right.
[Arnie leaves, storms out of the office and closed the door shut]
Leland McKenzie: Well, Patrick maintains that no assurances were given.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Patrick maintains a lot of things, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: Yes, he does.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: At a minimum, it does seem to be someone who gets accuse pretty often.
Leland McKenzie: Well, so far all the accusations have been groundless.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: So far.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [shaken tone] First Daniel quits, now Arnie threatens to because of Patrick Flanigan? Doesn't that strike you odd at all?
Leland McKenzie: [skeptic tone] No, it doesn't. Patrick maintains that no such assurances were ever given. I belive him.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Patrick maintains a lot of things, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: [realizing it] Why... yes, he does.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: At the very least, for a nice guy who brings in the business and makes money, he does stand to get accused of obstructing justice pretty often. Think about it. Plagerizing his thesis in law school. Accusations of evidence tampering, witness intimidation and extortion, inducing perjury, and now this?
Leland McKenzie: Well, so far all of the accusations have been groundless.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [gets up and leaves] Yeah... so far.


"L.A. Law: Smoke Gets in Your Thighs (#5.5)" (1990)
[Brackman is in a body sling after being burned on his rear end]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Could you have at least warned me about the turpentine you dumped down the toilet? You know I love to smoke my favorite cigars on the toilet. They're talking about skin grafts. You know how painful that is?
Murray Melman: Skin grafts? They should get them from the top of your bald head. That way your butt won't grow hair.
Roxanne Melman: Daddy!
Murray Melman: Oh, come on! A little ass-in-the-sling humor.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Get him out of here, Roxanne!
Murray Melman: [as he walks out] You didn't blow your top. You blew your bottom! I got a million of them! But I don't want you to be the butt of my jokes! I like my buns toasted! There's a full moon out tonight!


"L.A. Law: Captain Hurt (#4.2)" (1989)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Since we can assume that Michael's loss to us for the duration of this trial. Victor, would you make sure that is more drab less newsworthy cases don't require immediate attention?
Victor Sifuentes: Will do.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ah, Benny, very good. Just set it down right here.
[Benny bought fresh fruit]
Ann Kelsey: Good god! Where the togas?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: People, you can't eat too much fresh fruit. I want the content to cleanse the gastrointestinal tract. Zero cholesterol. These are things, we need to pay attention to try though, we might to ignore them. In fact, I have instructed Benny to put fruit in all our offices.
Leland McKenzie: Thank you, Douglas. Can we move on with the meeting?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ah, Hammond vs. Hammond. Arnold?
Arnie Becker: Yeah. Hotshot architect walks out on wife and child, I should be able to carve out a major counsel fee. Whatever midsection.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You're here, having just seen the quarterly reports, whether we were all doing likewise.
Leland McKenzie: Yes, uh, Stuart, you might fill us in a few, these horrible tales.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, uh, have grossed income is down 11%, malpractice premiums are up again. And, uh, is this balloon payment due next month and the office renovations
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: We're sluggish and bloated. We need to be lean and mean. On that, we're adjourned.
[Douglas eating a fresh strawberry]


"L.A. Law: Divorce with Extreme Prejudice (#2.9)" (1987)
[Brackman has just collapsed at his court claims desk]
Bailiff Alton: Heart attack! Just be cool everyone! Stand back. I'm gonna have to give this man mouth-to-mouth...
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [weakly] No! No bodily fluids!


"L.A. Law: Second Time Around (#7.2)" (1992)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Next up. People vs. Brackman.
Tommy Mullaney: Well, we're no looting charges drop.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Yes, but a pesky disturbing the peace charges remains. One officer used in illegal choke hold, while escorting me to the paddy wagon. I express my outrage verbally, the elbow wasn't accident.
Leland McKenzie: Douglas, maybe you should pay the fine and be done with it.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: The City Attorney is stopping by this afternoon in since I have an eyewitness, he'll be forced to drop the charges.
Gwen Taylor: Would you mind if I observed? I'd like to see the process.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Bring a notebook. It should provide educational. Moving on. Osgood vs. the state of California.
Daniel Morales: That's my pro bono case. Leland, I still need to speak with you about this one.
Leland McKenzie: In my office right after this meeting.
Daniel Morales: I'll be there.
Leland McKenzie: And since we're on the subject to pro bono work, I'd like to congratulate you all on your commitment to rebuilding Los Angeles.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: While we're busy patting ourselves on the back, let me reiterate yesterday's message, McKenzie, Brackman numbers are at their lowest level in 6 years, we're losing out to a competition. Doesn't take 20/20 vision to know we may not land on our feet. If things don't turn around...
Tommy Mullaney: This is probably allows you time to be interviewing at the DA's office.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You bet it is.
Ann Kelsey: Just to be close to Zoey?
Tommy Mullaney: Oh, come on, Ann, it's bigger than that. And it's no secret, I've given a lot of thought.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: This makes our loss in our attacks and domestic litigation area seeming inconsequential.
Ann Kelsey: If that is a not so thinly veiled comment about my husband's job, you will be glad to know, that he's coming home today.
Tommy Mullaney: Goodness.
Gwen Taylor: Congratulations.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Stuart like myself was a victim of events beyond his control. Mr. Arnold Becker's disappearance on the the other hand? I mean who's kidding whom 5 months and nothing but a series of cryptic postcards around the world?
Leland McKenzie: It is puzzling.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Puzzling Adare responsible. The man is a partner in this firm. He owes it to us to the present and holding his own. Here's my witness.


"L.A. Law: The Princess and the Pee (#3.5)" (1988)
Arnie Becker: All right, we have a lot of ground to cover, so why don't we get started?
Stan Nussbaum: Fire away, Arnie.
Arnie Becker: We're already an agreement on the children.
[Arnie takes a seat with Douglas]
Arnie Becker: The house goes to Sheila. Douglas provides $2,500 a month in maintenance and continues to pay the utilities. Place in Santa Barbara get sold em proceed split.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Unless, you wanna hold on to it.
Sheila Brackman: No, no.
Arnie Becker: Douglas establishes a trust fund for the kids education to be administered by Sheila. Sheila is interest to McKenzie, Brackman to be bought out $200,000, payable upon execution.
Stan Nussbaum: Sounds good so far. Sheila?
Sheila Brackman: It's fine.
Arnie Becker: Sheila takes the Jaguar. Douglas takes the Mercedes, and maintains the insurance and both. The stamp collection inherited from Douglas' father and augmented with community assets will be retained by Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Only because it's a link to my father.
Sheila Brackman: It's fine, really.
Arnie Becker: Well, that substantially it. I prepare to schedule of everything, so you can verify the figures.
[Hand it the paper]
Stan Nussbaum: Great.
[Looking in the paper]
Stan Nussbaum: Well, I must say I never expected such an amicable get together. Arnie.
Arnie Becker: Stan.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: There's one more thing. Your place in the Brackman family plot.
Sheila Brackman: What about it?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm keeping it for you.


"L.A. Law: Sparky Brackman R.I.P. ????-1987 (#1.20)" (1987)
Vinnie La Rosa PI: You want some lunch? They make a nice brisket here.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm too upset to eat. My dog's been killed.
Vinnie La Rosa PI: What?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm almost certain my neighbor poisoned him. We haven't had an autopsy yet but the vet thinks it was strychnine.
Vinnie La Rosa PI: That's terrible.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Sparky, that's my dog. My wife found him in the back corner of the yard. He must have crawled over there to die.
Vinnie La Rosa PI: Did you call the police?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: They say they can't do anything. No one saw it happen.
Vinnie La Rosa PI: I'm a dog lover myself. I know what you must be going through. If some screwball did this to my little Quinnie, I'd want to go nuts here. I think I'd want to kill somebody.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Exactly! What about that?
Vinnie La Rosa PI: What about what?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Justice!
Vinnie La Rosa PI: Justice?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: As a private investigator, surely you must know some people out there... people in the underworld, who could give me justice.
Vinnie La Rosa PI: Justice? How?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: As in hit man!
Vinnie La Rosa PI: Hit man?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Shhhh! Don't say it out loud!
Vinnie La Rosa PI: Look, time out Mr. B. This is extreme. If you're talking about murder here, you're gonna have to stop and let me out right here.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All right. Just break his knees!
Vinnie La Rosa PI: Look, Mr. B. If you're serious, and I only pray you are just overwrought and emotional here, I mean what you're thinking about doing... its just plain wrong!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I can't let Sparky's death go unavenged!
Vinnie La Rosa PI: Can I give you a piece of advice here? Whatever your differences are with this guy, and I'm not trying to make light of it... how do you know he even did this terrible thing? Go see him. Talk to him. Confront him directly. It's the only way.


"L.A. Law: Vowel Play (#5.6)" (1990)
[Vanna White is at the office to see Douglas Brackman]
Arnie Becker: There's a Vanna White in the office looking for you, Dougie.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ha. Ha. Very funny. Why don't the two of you go somewhere and have a vowel movement together.
Vanna White: [enters his office] That's not a very nice thing to say.


"L.A. Law: P.S. Your Shrink Is Dead (#6.17)" (1992)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You want, how much more?
Sheila Brackman: 500,000 a month is not unreasonable.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: If you're a rock star, if you're Walter Annenberg, but if you're me. It damn well is unreasonable.
Sheldon Ganz: Mr. Brackman, please.
Sheila Brackman: You parsimonious piece of phlegm.
Arnie Becker: You are name-calling, try this, propagate extravagant.
Sheldon Ganz: Arnie, come on!
Arnie Becker: You would have to demonstrate need, Sheila, not want!
Sheila Brackman: Fine. You want to talk need? Let's talk about Alexander's therapy sessions. 3 times a week, 120 session. That's 1,500 a month right there.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: 3 times a week. Jeffrey Dahmer doesn't need 3 times a week.
Arnie Becker: And this 300 week for private tutoring in math and English, this is necessary?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: For God's sakes. He gets straight A's in math.
Sheila Brackman: Nations have risen and fallen since he got an A in math.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: This isn't about Alexander. It's about Veronica. You're gouging me for sleeping with your sister.
Sheldon Ganz: That's out of line.
Sheila Brackman: This is about Alexander. Last week, I found empty beer cans
Arnie Becker: Well, let's call the FBI.
Sheldon Ganz: What the hell is your problem?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How do you know those weren't brother's beer cans? I could believe that of him. But Alexander.
Sheila Brackman: What do you know about Alexander? You get him twice a month, a weekend here and there? But you don't live with him. You don't know him.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I could do a hell of a lot better job of raising him than you.


"L.A. Law: To Live and Diet in L.A. (#3.7)" (1989)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving along, has anyone heard from the long lost Mr. Kuzak?
Victor Sifuentes: I have.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And? Is he pondering the error of his ways?
Victor Sifuentes: Yeah, I think so. He's planning to go fishing.
Arnie Becker: Life's a bitch, ain't it?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Victor, where are we on Jacobs vs. Teller?
Victor Sifuentes: I'm deposing Mr. Teller this morning.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Jonathan, the deforest motion?
Jonathan Rollins: Still pending.
Leland McKenzie: Well... who's the judge on that one?
Jonathan Rollins: Steven Lang.
Leland McKenzie: Well, let me see. Let me call his clerk.
[Leland will telephone to Judge Lang's clerk]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ms. Wyler, how go to the McNally Interrogatories?
Dorothy Wyler: The responses have all been drafted and sent to the client for his review. I'm getting his notes this afternoon and the revisions will be ready for his signature tomorrow morning.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Very good. Very good!
Secretary: Ms. Kelsey, there's a collect call for you.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Excuse me?
Ann Kelsey: I'll take it.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Lastly, having been accused in past years of stinting on our Christmas festivities, I gladly bow to majority will and relinquish control of our annual party to our crock financial watchdog, Stuart Markowitz. Well, the final figures of our 1988 party are in. And his able hands, we soared passed our budget by a full 41%.
Stuart Markowitz: Excuse me, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It was a joke.


"L.A. Law: Finish Line (#8.22)" (1994)
Stuart Markowitz: The fact that he's in today. Should tell you most of what you need to know.
Ann Kelsey: What does that tell you?
Stuart Markowitz: Well, he was only out 3 days. That's to tell you that there was no invasive surgery. And that's to tell you there was no metastasized tumor.
Eli Levinson: How do you know so much about this?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, I've been in consultation all week. Uh, very good friend of mine wanna believing urologist out here spoken with him. I've spoken with Mel Silverblatt when you know he's at sloan-ketting.
Patrick Flanagan: You convinced his prostate cancer?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, absolutely prostate.
Denise Iannello: Well, look just so I know, what a student surprise birthday party, I've got a lot of organizing to do.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Let's see how he is when it comes in.
Ann Kelsey: Maybe it's his 65th Birthday, that merit to celebrate with some sort, no matter how he is.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm sure he's fine.
[Leland have arrived]
Eli Levinson: Leland, welcome back.
Leland McKenzie: Thank you. Uh, carry on.


"L.A. Law: The Venus Butterfly (#1.9)" (1986)
[first lines]
Arnie Becker: So, my client, Mrs. Troutman, decides that she needs to get away for a few days. She packs her things into her car, drives down to her condo in Palm Springs, and puts the key in the door. She opens the door, kicks off her high-heeled shoes, walks down the hallway to the bedroom to collapse in the bed, opens the bedroom door only to find the surprise of her life: her loving husband, in the bed... in the arms of another woman.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Excuse me, Arnold. But why are we squandering valuable staff meeting time to hear this boring ressatation of a mondane little domestic drama?
Arnie Becker: You have interrupted me right at the punchline, Douglas!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well?
Arnie Becker: You see, that was no "woman." That... was his wife.
[everyone looks at Arnie with puzzlement]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm afraid I'm not tracking.
Arnie Becker: Bigamy. Bigamy! Do you know how rare it is? This is the divorce lawyer equilivant of a hole-in-one!


"L.A. Law: Wine Knot (#7.4)" (1992)
[Later in the evening in the city of Los Angeles]
Roxanne Melman: Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What's the latest on Benny and Stuart?
Roxanne Melman: Both safe and sound.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Great. Roxanne, what happened here?
[the window of the door law meeting room was wrecked and damaged. So the janitor clean, sweep and vacuum everything in the floor]
Roxanne Melman: Stuart got upset about Lincoln and tossed the chair through the window.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh. Abraham Lincoln?


"L.A. Law: Mutinies on the Banzai (#5.17)" (1991)
Leland McKenzie: [Returning here at the Conference room meeting] What's this about?
Michael Kuzak: The Partners excluding Douglas have a proposal that we'd like to offer formally pursuant to Article 11, Section 3 of the Partnership Agreement.
Leland McKenzie: I wasn't aware that you even read the partnership agreement, Michael.
[Michael will proposal it to Stuart who would read the letter]
Michael Kuzak: Stuart?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah. "9 weeks ago, the partners have this firm convened to address you, Leland McKenzie with our concerns regarding your leadership for this law firm. You responded to these concerns by appointing Douglas Brackman as Pro Temp Senior Partner for a 6 week period, while you attended to expanding our client base. No such expansion occurred. Now after 9 weeks, you have unilaterally extended Douglas as Senior Partner tenure to open-ended term, again without consulting the other partners you made a designation which affects all our interests, we feel we have no choice now but to call on you and the Executive Committee, schedule a new vote. Which vote would serve to either confirm your position or intern elect a new Senior Partner. Signed, Michael Kuzak, Arnold Becker, Stuart Markowitz, Ann Kelsey, and Grace Van Owen".
Leland McKenzie: Why you obviously all gotten together here. Who do you plan to vote in?
[the decision is their to decide. Either one. Ann choose is Michael]
Ann Kelsey: Michael.
Michael Kuzak: Douglas will remain as Administrative Partner. Leland, you would go to being up Counsel.
Leland McKenzie: You think you can just push me up?
Grace Van Owen: This isn't a push, Leland. It's a proposal.
Michael Kuzak: This is your firm. The decision is yours. Will abide by it. Which is what you know.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: This is an ambush.
Ann Kelsey: It's not an ambush. We are all on the same side. We all want what's best for the firm.
Leland McKenzie: Do any of you think you really know how to run a firm? It is in all just trying cases and... and collecting fee is a hell a lot more involved!
Michael Kuzak: Again, Leland, we're not pushing you out. To the contrary, we would be counting on your guidance in making the transition to the new leadership.
Leland McKenzie: You go straight to hell, Michael!
[Leland heads back to his office. And what's Douglas' decision?]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I take that as a no.


"L.A. Law: Parent Trap (#7.12)" (1993)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Anybody know the whereabouts of our Mr. Morales?
Gwen Taylor: He had a pro bono arraignment this morning.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Then let's begin. First, People vs. Emory Lewis and Gary Stubbs. I should hope those animals who beat you will finally get convicted.
Stuart Markowitz: Unfortunately, the eyewitness backed out, she's afraid of reprisals from neighborhood kids if she testify.
Ann Kelsey: That shouldn't affect our case. Stuart was really convincing at the prelim health do even better at trial tomorrow.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Next. Marciante vs. Bernheim Memorial Hospital.
Jonathan Rollins: That's mine. Anthony Marciante's girlfriend is brain dead after the automobile accident. She's also 18 weeks pregnant.
Gwen Taylor: And being used as an incubator to bring the baby to a term, I caught those stories in the news, that's grotesque.
Jonathan Rollins: We're seeking a court order to keep her body functioning long enough to deliver the baby. However, the girlfriend's mother wants to pull the plug and bury your daughter.
Arnie Becker: Well, I agree, the woman's dead, for God's sake.
Jonathan Rollins: Arnie, we're talking about a potential human life. Mr. Marciante wants to be a father.
Gwen Taylor: You should have thought about that before driving himself and his girlfriend off the road drunk.
Ann Kelsey: He killed her and now he wants to...
Jonathan Rollins: It was an accident.
Stuart Markowitz: He's still has rights.
Arnie Becker: So's the girl's mother.
Melina Paros: What about the baby?
Leland McKenzie: All right, folks, we're all in the same team.
[But Daniel Morales has arrived late in the meeting]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Mr. Morales? Honor that you can join us? How's the arraignment?
Daniel Morales: Um, People vs. Alejandro Cruz, he's charged with the shooting a news vender who refuse to pay protection money.
Leland McKenzie: Any extenuating circumstances, Daniel?
Daniel Morales: No, Leland, not really, I'm trying to have Cruz tried in the Juvenile, but right now that's looking doubtful.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, if there's no other business. We're adjourned.
[Douglas closed his gold hunter case from the pocket watch that the time is up]


"L.A. Law: He's a Crowd (#5.12)" (1991)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: By giving up California Rifle and making it C.J.'s client, she gets 40% of the business. No doubt she promised the kickbacks to you.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: I'm shocked you'd think something like that.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm not talking to you, C.J.
[to Abby]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Abby, you can't do this.
Abby Perkins: Douglas, I just decided that I didn't want the client anymore. C.J. picked it up, so what's wrong with that?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What's wrong with that? Since you'll be doing all the work for this client, it doesn't make sense. It's just a sham.
Abby Perkins: Why? As it is all I do is slave away and make other people rich. I would just rather profit C.J. then the partners that's all.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All right. I'm aware that we have a situation here, so this is what I'm prepared to do. I'm cutting your salary by 20%... in exchange for which I'm offering you 20% of the business that you bring in.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Can you do that?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Of course I can, I'm senior partner. It's similar to the deal that Leland made with you when he was in charge.
Abby Perkins: Except it's not as good.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No, but that's as good as it gets. I lower overheads and give incentives to you... an associate who's not on a partnership track. You get a big upside now, Abby.
Abby Perkins: As long as you don't have the right to refuse the clients that I want to bring in.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Agreed... as long as you still bill work hours at 1,800 per year.
Abby Perkins: Agreed.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well... that's all then. Dismissed.


"L.A. Law: Beauty and Obese (#2.13)" (1988)
Jonathan Rollins: [on TV] No, no Gina. That just they way they are.
Gina Westland: It's sounds like they're incompetent.
Jonathan Rollins: No, not incompetent, just amusing. We have one partner I won't mention names but... it's Brackman! He keeps having extramarital affairs. He even slept with his female bailiff when he was a small claims court judge.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [watching on the TV] Oh, God! OH, GOD!
Jonathan Rollins: [on the TV] And our divorce lawyer Arnold Becker beds down with around 90% of his female clients.
Arnie Becker: [watching the TV] Son of a bitch!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: He's fired!
Jonathan Rollins: [on TV] And we have two partners, Ann Kelsey and Stuart Markowitz, that sleep with each other.
Gina Westland: Come on!
Jonathan Rollins: They are married, but I heard it was a shotgun wedding.
Ann Kelsey: That bastard!
Stuart Markowitz: I'll kill him!
Jonathan Rollins: [on TV] But you know what really gets me? It's that none of them... NONE of them can tell the difference between a live broadcast... and a videotaped gag. Gotcha!
Arnie Becker: What the...?
Jonathan Rollins: [on the TV to the lawyers] I know I got you!


"L.A. Law: Great Balls Afire (#6.15)" (1992)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Next stop, the Simon & Catherine Rubin Foundation vs. University of California and Dr. Emily Connor. We're representing Dr. Connor and the University?
Jonathan Rollins: Yeah. The Rubin Foundation granted Dr. Connor $100,000 to study a new way to save heart attack and stroke victims, she's happy to the project and Kurt Rubin the Foundations President wants his money back.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Why?
Jonathan Rollins: He says she's breach the contract by using scientific data from the Nazi concentration camps.
Alex DePalma: What?
Tommy Mullaney: Nazis?
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: What date?
Stuart Markowitz: We're representing Nazis?
Jonathan Rollins: No. We're representing a highly respected scientist who wants to save lives.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Which particular Nazi experiments is she using?
Jonathan Rollins: The deco hypothermia experiment.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Huh.
Jonathan Rollins: You know where they subject to prisoners to freezing temperatures and monitor the physiological responses.
Alex DePalma: How many died?
Jonathan Rollins: About 90 men, but tens of thousands die every month from heart disease and my client thinks you can save a lot of them.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm sorry, I don't by that.
Arnie Becker: You're hate to sound crass, but if it meant the life-or-death of somebody that I love dad want them to use the data, it won't change would have to those prisoners.
Leland McKenzie: Well, I don't think it's quite that simple, Arnold.
Jonathan Rollins: Come on, Leland, no one's saying experiments were horrendous, but there were 50 years ago. If the data concede even one life today, I feel...
Leland McKenzie: Now, I - I'm - I'm not saying you shouldn't take the case, Jonathan. And I understand what Mr. Rubin is afraid of.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Is there any possibility of a settlement?
Jonathan Rollins: So far they haven't been willing, I think it just hoping for the best deal at the 11th hour.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Good luck. And we're adjourned.
[the meeting is dismissed and they're done]


"L.A. Law: Izzy Ackerman or Is He Not (#3.11)" (1989)
Michael Kuzak: It's not all my fault! Ray never even told us that his wife had been married before.
Arnie Becker: [while reading the Davis marriage and divorce papers] Douglas, I don't think we have anything to worry about.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No? Trust me, the legal malpractice sharks will be at our door salivating this.
Arnie Becker: You think this was malpractice?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I don't, but you can be damn sure that Ray Davis is gonna find someone who does.
Michael Kuzak: When I left him, he was a little too devastated to be even thinking about formulating a battle plan to sue us.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Believe me, that won't last. In five days from now, he and his new lawyers are gonna be rising up like the wrath of God.
Michael Kuzak: Well, he will go after somebody.
Arnie Becker: Hey Mike, if Ray decides to go after somebody, that somebody is us. Douglas is right. Ray Davis does have the grounds to sue all of us for malpractice.
Michael Kuzak: Well, maybe he should sue us. How else is he going to get any compensation for this disaster?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh-oh. This attitude of yours worries me. I got a distinct feeling that in an attempt to offer Ray Davis compassion with your very own admitted words: "Oh, I'm very sorry, Ray. I could have done better"... you just served up admissions of negligence!
Michael Kuzak: The poor man lost his wife because some hospital let her die because they didn't have any health insurance! Worse still, he also finds out that he was never legally married to her in the first place because she kept her whole past about her first husband and fraudulent divorce in Mexico a secret from him. Doesn't compassion or sympathy for Ray Davis enter into this at all for you?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: So long as it doesn't cost us money.
Michael Kuzak: Ah, the old refrain! Everything is always about money with you! The ultimate lynchpin consideration to which all issues turn!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Don't get high-mined on us, Michael. You are the one who screwed up here! You overlooked making any background check on Ray Davis' wife and didn't find this loophole first! You messed up, not Dorothy, not us... you!
Michael Kuzak: Careful, Douglas! You'd better not say that outside of this office because it might cost us money!


"L.A. Law: One Rat, One Ranger (#4.5)" (1989)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Dorian vs. Togetherness Dating Service.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, that's mine. What year is complete, we go to trial this afternoon.
Leland McKenzie: This case really can't be settled, Stuart?
Stuart Markowitz: No, the conscience, I wouldn't recommend it, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: Why not?
Stuart Markowitz: Because the gravamen of the plaintiff's case is such, that we're going beat her cold.
Jonathan Rollins: Could not still end up costing us more than a settlement?
Stuart Markowitz: Mm-mm. Not if I'm successful and my motions for cost this person's legal fees, plus, let's not forget. If resettle, there'll be more plaintiffs coming out of woodwork.
Arnie Becker: Gravamen?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Giant Sequoia Taurus Council vs. Giant Sequoia beverages.
Abby Perkins: That's mine, we're representing a small mineral water company that's being sued for using the name Giant Sequoia. They claim is the fraudulent misrepresentation where the water comes from.
Victor Sifuentes: Where does it come from?
Abby Perkins: I also got to know.