Ann Kelsey
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Quotes for
Ann Kelsey (Character)
from "L.A. Law" (1986)

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"L.A. Law: Bound for Glory (#4.16)" (1990)
[Ann, Stuart and Douglas having a coffee break before heading to court, Ann is speaking with Douglas and Stuart]
Ann Kelsey: Did you see that? She's taking over. I told you, Stuart. I told you.
[Stuart sighed]
Stuart Markowitz: She just backed you up on your case, Ann. That's a good thing.
Ann Kelsey: That wasn't backing me up, Stuart. That was a calculated manipulation.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: She bossed me up. Did you hear the way she bossed me?
Stuart Markowitz: She wasn't bossing you, Douglas.
Ann Kelsey: Support, support, support. That's all she ever gets from you.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: ''Move along''. Very bossy.
Stuart Markowitz: She beat me in the election. I'm the one who's being sensitive here.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I think we should organize a little private meeting, see how everyone feels.
Ann Kelsey: Why don't we just take another vote?
Stuart Markowitz: It got to be done by executive committee. Article 3, Section 7.
Ann Kelsey: Support, support, support.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Not support, Ann. A rule.
Leland McKenzie: Excuse me. What's going on?
Stuart Markowitz: Uh, nothing. We're just talking.
Leland McKenzie: Benny has a little problem, Stuart. Could you help him out?
Stuart Markowitz: Sure.
Leland McKenzie: Let's be grownups.
[while Ann is preparing to head to court, Douglas will be heading back to his office, and Stuart will take care of that while helping the Law Messenger Benny]

[Rosalind is waiting. Move on the next quorum. Arnie looked quiet. Leland is waiting, too]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving along. Jackson vs. Haas.
Ann Kelsey: That's mine. A young black boy was kicked to death by a skinhead. We're suing the skinhead's parents.
Arnie Becker: Why?
Ann Kelsey: Why? Because a kid doesn't become a racist thug in the vacuum.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: But suing the parents? To me, this utter litigiousness. It's... it's looking to the courts for a payday.
Jonathan Rollins: It's looking to the courts to fight bigotry, like... like Brown vs. Board of Education. Was that utter litigiousness?
Rosalind Shays: What was the age of the defendant's son at the time of killing, Ann?
Ann Kelsey: He was 15, Rosalind.
Rosalind Shays: I think that's young enough to infer parental liabilities. Good luck.
[Stuart is next soon]
Rosalind Shays: Move along, Douglas.
[Douglas is waiting, Leland holding his address note book]
Rosalind Shays: I said, why don't we move along?
[Meeting is adjourned]

Ann Kelsey: When did you move into the house, Mr. Jackson?
Charles Jackson: April '87. I was made the Branch Manager at the bank. For the first time, our lives were actually able to own our own home.
Ann Kelsey: How did you like the neighborhood?
Charles Jackson: I liked it a lot. We were near a park. My son could walk to school. We loved it.
Ann Kelsey: Would you describe for us what happened to you there, sir?
Charles Jackson: One morning, I went out on my "white power" was painted on the sidewalk. I reported it to the police, painted it out, and got myself ready.
Ann Kelsey: Ready for what?
Charles Jackson: I grew up in the south. When people start talking about white power, it isn't just words.
Ann Kelsey: It wasn't just words here in California either, wasn't it, sir?
Charles Jackson: No... it wasn't.
Ann Kelsey: What happened, Mr. Jackson?
Charles Jackson: One afternoon, I got a call... at work from my son's school. They said Nathan had been involved in an incident. They said my son was dead.
Ann Kelsey: Your Honor, I offer this time, the stipulation of the parties that the death of Nathan Jackson, age 14, was caused by the physical violence intentionally inflicted upon him by Keith Haas, the 15-year-old son of the defendants Jim and Pauline Haas.
Judge Grace Van Owen: So stipulated.
Ann Kelsey: It is further stipulated that Keith Haas was tried and convicted of Nathan Jackson's murder, for which crime he's presently incarcerated.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Again, so stipulated.
Ann Kelsey: Mr. Jackson, would describe for the court the anguish caused to you and your wife by the loss of your son?
Lawyer William Willis: Your Honor, the defense will also stipulate that the pain and suffering caused by this tragedy is extraordinary and immeasurable.
Ann Kelsey: I'd like the witness to give his answer.
Judge Grace Van Owen: The stipulation is noted. The witness can still give his response.
Ann Kelsey: Mr. Jackson.
Charles Jackson: I'm sorry. I - I - I know you said I had to talk about this, but I'm - I'm sorry.
Ann Kelsey: That's OK, sir. I have nothing further, Your Honor.

Judge Grace Van Owen: Counselor?
Lawyer William Willis: You don't deny killing Nathan Jackson, do you, Keith?
Keith Haas: No, sir, I don't.
Lawyer William Willis: Now, how would you do something like that?
Keith Haas: I've started off as just a fight. I guess I lost control.
Lawyer William Willis: Can you tell us what part your parents played?
Keith Haas: They didn't play any part.
Lawyer William Willis: What do you think they might have done it, if they had known you were going to do something like this?
Ann Kelsey: Objection. Speculative.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Sustained.
Lawyer William Willis: Let me try a different way. How did they react to this?
Keith Haas: They were very unhappy about it.
Lawyer William Willis: Now did you ever indicate your parents that you might attack somebody?
Keith Haas: No. As I said I didn't know myself it was gonna happen. It just did.
Lawyer William Willis: Nothing further.

Ann Kelsey: You look a little different now than you used to, don't you, Keith?
Keith Haas: I guess.
Ann Kelsey: Is this a fair and accurate representation in the way you looked at the time that you kick Nathan Jackson to death?
[Ann Kelsey show this photo of the late Nathan Jackson to Keith Haas]
Keith Haas: Yes.
Ann Kelsey: Ask that this photograph be admitted into evidence as Plaintiff's exhibit number one.
Judge Grace Van Owen: So ordered.
Ann Kelsey: Asked that the court instruct the witness to roll up his right sleeve.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Mr. Haas.
[Keith roll up his right sleeve and has a tattoo of swastika in his right forearm]
Ann Kelsey: Let the record reflect on the witness's right forearm is a tattoo of swastika.

Ann Kelsey: Did you have that at the time of the murder?
Keith Haas: I believe I did.
Ann Kelsey: Did your parents know about it?
Keith Haas: Yeah. They knew.
Ann Kelsey: What did they say when you first came home with it?
Keith Haas: I don't remember.
Ann Kelsey: The reason that you attack Nathan Jackson from behind and kick him to death is because he had taken a walk with a white girl, is that right? Isn't that the reason that you gave for the attack, Keith?
Keith Haas: Yes.
Ann Kelsey: And you called her a race traitor for walking with a black boy, didn't you?
Keith Haas: She was a race traitor.
Ann Kelsey: Are your parents race traitors, Keith?
Lawyer William Willis: Objection.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Overruled.
Ann Kelsey: Are your parents race traitors, Keith?
Keith Haas: No.
Ann Kelsey: Do they feel the same way you do about blacks and Jews?
Lawyer William Willis: Objection!
Judge Grace Van Owen: Overruled.
Ann Kelsey: How do they feel about blacks and Jews?
Keith Haas: Ask them.
Ann Kelsey: I'm asking you, son. You refer to black people as "niggers", did you hear that word at home?
Keith Haas: I'll tell you this much, they weren't ashamed of being white. They didn't raise me to be ashamed of it either.
Ann Kelsey: And you're thankful for that, aren't you?
Keith Haas: I'm thankful. I was born with enough intelligence to know that White Christian people have been getting pushed around from every direction. We're tired of it. We're fighting back. When the time comes, this will be our country. This will be our courtroom, and we'll be the ones asking the questions.
Ann Kelsey: I have nothing further, Your Honor.

Jim Haas: I know that he liked to wear his hair short and I knew he joined that group. But kids go to stuff like this, I thought he'd grow out of it.
Lawyer William Willis: Kids don't usually commit murder, sir.
Jim Haas: I had no idea he could have ever do something like that.
Lawyer William Willis: Well, what if you had, Mr. Haas? What if you had any inkling at all your son could attack somebody the way he went after Nathan Jackson?
Jim Haas: I would have tried to stop him. I don't know what I want to succeed or not, but I sure as hell would've tried.
Lawyer William Willis: I have no further questions.
Ann Kelsey: Did you ever tell your son not to join the skinhead group?
Ann Kelsey: He was a mixed-up kid, Ms. Kelsey. He never listen to me much.
Ann Kelsey: Did you try?
Jim Haas: As best I could.
Ann Kelsey: As best you could? But wouldn't that group sometimes hold their meetings in your garage?
Jim Haas: Well, they weren't meetings. A few don't come over. And Keith and them would hang out in the garage enough.
Ann Kelsey: And you also let your son hang not see posters in his bedroom in your house. Isn't it possible, Mr. Haas, that your son has led to believe that you approve all this?
Jim Haas: Nah, I never told him I approved.
Ann Kelsey: Did you ever say, "take him down?" Did you ever say, I don't want posters in my house that read, "Death to race mixing are niggers get out?"
Jim Haas: Frankly, I'm a parent like everybody else. Praying to God every night just to hang on to my kid.
Ann Kelsey: So you condone his bigotry?
Jim Haas: I didn't condone anything. Maybe we tolerated some of that stuff more than we should have, because we didn't want him run out one day and never coming back.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, I get it. What a relief it must be to know that after he finishes kicking blacks to death, he'll be home for supper.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Ms. Kelsey!
Lawyer William Willis: Objection!
Jim Haas: If I thought he was gonna do what he did. I would have broken his legs.
[Ms. Kelsey returns to her seat. Mr. Haas addresses to Mr. Jackson and Mrs. Jackson the Plaintiffs]
Jim Haas: Mr. Jackson, Mrs. Jackson, you gotta believe me when I tell you that I'm sorry.

[the two lawyers Ann Kelsey and William Willis brings Charles Jackson, Mrs. Jackson, Jim Haas and Pauline Haas to the chambers of Judge Grace Van Owen]
Judge Grace Van Owen: Okay, exactly where are we?
Lawyer William Willis: We've offered 35,000, Your Honor, and they've rejected it.
Judge Grace Van Owen: 35 may seem low, but according to the financial statements submitted the defendants are pretty judgment-proof. You could be chasing an empty bag.
Ann Kelsey: They have a house, Your Honor.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Yes, they do. Valued at $92,000, carrying a mortgage of 41,000, leaving them with an equity of 51,000. It could take a long time to execute the attachment and the sale. You really want to go through all that for the extra 16?
Charles Jackson: My son's life was worth more than $35,000, judge.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Of course it was, Mr. Jackson. But I'm sure your lawyer has told you this lawsuit is going to be very difficult for you to win. Suing parents for the crimes of their children is a pretty novel approach, Mr. Jackson.
Charles Jackson: I know that. And Ms. Kelsey tells me that because of that, a lot people will be watching what happens here. That's what I'm after, Your Honor. I want people noticing this.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Can you tell me what that accomplishes?
Charles Jackson: If I win, it says he should've done something. And they says that parents cannot raise their children to be racists, murderers, and then just unleash them on the world.
Jim Haas: I'm just a working stiff, Mr. Jackson.
Charles Jackson: I'm a working stiff, too.
Jim Haas: That's right. Uh, the truth is... we're probably more alike than we are different.
Charles Jackson: No, see, your son is not dead. Mine is. And I don't want him dying for nothing. Something's gonna come out of this.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Gentlemen, that's enough. You want to go forward?
Ann Kelsey: Yes, we do.
Judge Grace Van Owen: Summations at 2:00, then.

Ann Kelsey: Obviously, we can't start chasing parents every time a kid screws up. And I'm certainly not suggesting that the Haas' are criminals or asking that they be put in jail. Their son did this, not them. What I'm asking is that they take a little responsibility because the hatred that ultimately killed Nathan Jackson was born in their home. They shrug their shoulders, when their son came home with a swastika burned into his arm. They let him hang posters that read, "Death to the niggers." They sat back and did nothing while he repeatedly instigated fights with black children. The most malignant assumption we can make about these people is that they encourage their son's racism. The most benign, is that they ignored it and allowed to fester. Either way, it ended up killing Nathan Jackson. Either way, they have to take some responsiblity. Lawsuits are about allocating burdens, Ladies and gentlemen. We use lawsuits to place the burden on the manufacturers to make their products safer. We use lawsuits to place the burden on people to act in nonnegligent ways. Right now, today, let's put the burden on the parents - that they can't just close their eyes to bigotry in their own home. Because if we allow the parents to ignore the prejudices in their children, if we allow them to turn away from racism and just hope that it will go away, it will never go away. And more kids like Nathan Jackson are going to die.
[Ann concluding her speech. William Willis was impress of Ms. Kelsey's stirring speech. Mr. Willis will make a closing statement, too]
Lawyer William Willis: That was a stirring speech. It really was. It was so good. It could almost make you forget the law. Under the law, Ladies and gentlemen, you can't hold parents liable just because their child is a racist. Under the law, you can't punish parents for the sins of the children. You can only hold them liable if they knew this crime was going to happen and did nothing to prevent it. And there was no evidence whatsoever that my clients knew their son would attack Nathan Jackson. None. This is not a case about racism. It is about a murder, and the evidence is uncontroverted. My clients' only connection to this crime is that they were the parents of the killer. In Ms. Kelsey's World, that's enough to hold them liable, I guess. But in this world, under the laws of this country, it isn't. It just isn't.

[Back in the chambers of Judge Grace Van Owen, Ann has arguing with Judge Van Oven]
Ann Kelsey: How could you possibly give a charge like that?
Judge Grace Van Owen: Ann, this is ex parte, you know better than to come in...
Ann Kelsey: And you better than to practically guarantee a defense verdict.
Judge Grace Van Owen: I didn't do that.
Ann Kelsey: That's exactly what you did.
Judge Grace Van Owen: What I did, Ann, was to focus them on the issue at hand instead of a societal problem, you ask them to cure. I cannot send the jury back with the idea that they have an obligation to wipe out bigotry. The issue was the violence and the defendants' connection to the violence. And that's it.
Ann Kelsey: The parents helped cultivate the racism in which...
Judge Grace Van Owen: If that's all they're guilty of, then the defendants win here. Your speech was sensational, but it was way ahead of the law. If you want to run for office, I'll vote for you. But in my courtroom, I go by what's in the books.
Ann Kelsey: Those instructions weren't in the books, Grace. Those instructions were tailor-made for a defense verdict.
Judge Grace Van Owen: This is ex parte communication. It is inappropriate and my friendship for you aside, I will hold you in contempt.
[Ann Kelsey heads out of the chambers. Judge Grace Van Owen will make a decision]


"L.A. Law: Hand Roll Express (#2.12)" (1988)
Abby Perkins: I think this is gonna be around us.
Ann Kelsey: Absolutely not. Prosecution goes upstream, not downstream.
Abby Perkins: That's true. The U.S. Attorney's only interested in Roxanne in order to get to Jimmy.
Ann Kelsey: This whole thing will blow over once they're done with him.
Abby Perkins: I think you're right.
Ann Kelsey: By the way, have you said anything to anybody?
Abby Perkins: No.
Ann Kelsey: Good.
[Ann heading to Ladies' room]

Ann Kelsey: Come here.
[Roxanne sobbing in pain and was comforted by Ann Kelsey]
Roxanne Melman: Thank you. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm sorry.
[Roxanne is looking at herself in the mirror. So does Ann]
Ann Kelsey: Just so you know, when the suggestion was made to fire you, Arnie said, "If she goes, I go."
Roxanne Melman: Oh, yeah. He just wants to keep me around so he can rub my nose in it.
Ann Kelsey: I think he wants to keep you around because he needs you and values you. Look, Roxanne, tell me to shut up if it's none of my business, but the fact is you brought this on yourself. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it doesn't mean you're a criminal. But I think all of us are gonna have to accept the consequences for what we did.
Roxanne Melman: I lost my boyfriend. I'm broke. I used my old car as a down payment on my new car. So now I don't have any car at all. Why am I the only one taking the consequences? Why not you or Abby? Or... or Elizabeth? You all profited from Jimmy's tips as much as I did. So what's your consequences?
Ann Kelsey: I'm not sure, but like it or not I think I'm gonna have to find out. Roxanne, I'm sorry for your pain. Maybe self-interest blinded me from the risks you were taking.
[Ann blames Roxanne for what she's done for insider trading]
Roxanne Melman: No. It's not your fault. Or anybody else's.
[Ann should forget an apology. Ann Kelsey is going to leave Roxanne alone in the Ladies' room]

Stuart Markowitz: When he realizes that it totally skews the market.
[to the waiter]
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, just a little bit on the salad. People are invited to invest their money and publicly held corporation as though they had a fair shot. What they're getting here is a rigged deck.
Ann Kelsey: That seems to me the deck was rigged long before insider trading.
Stuart Markowitz: What?
Ann Kelsey: Big investment bankers aren't business to give Johnny small-time a fair shot.
Stuart Markowitz: There's a big difference between having an edge because you're smarter and having an edge because you're a criminal.
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, I have a confession to make. The watch I gave you, I bought it with money I made from one of Roxanne's stock tips.
Stuart Markowitz: This watch? My watch?
Ann Kelsey: Yeah.
Stuart Markowitz: [Stuart looking weird at the restaurant] Ann, how could - Oh!
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, it doesn't change the fact that it was an expression of my love for you.
Stuart Markowitz: [Putting down his fork] I don't understand, how could you do something like this? Maybe you can say that Roxanne didn't know that those tips were illegal, but you're a lawyer. She's getting them from an arbitrager. They're always right. At some point, don't you put two and two together?
Ann Kelsey: I just didn't stop to analyze it quite that thoroughly, Stuart.
Stuart Markowitz: Well, maybe you should have.
Ann Kelsey: Maybe I should have. But since I didn't, can't you accept the watch in the spirit in which it was given?
Stuart Markowitz: I don't know.
[Stuart looking up time]
Stuart Markowitz: I love this watch. But I hate the idea that every time I look at the time, I'm going to think of it is - I don't know, ill-gotten gains or something.
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, the watch is bought and paid for. What do you want me to do? Hock it and give money to charity? Would that make you feel better?
Stuart Markowitz: I don't know.

Ann Kelsey: Stuart, don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?
Stuart Markowitz: How would you feel if I told you your diamond engagement ring was bought with stolen money?
Ann Kelsey: It's not the same thing.
Stuart Markowitz: How is it different, Ann?
Ann Kelsey: I don't know.
Stuart Markowitz: I just wish we could purge ourselves of this something.
Robert Alden: Excuse me. Have you got the time?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah. It's 10:30.
Robert Alden: Oh, nice watch.
Stuart Markowitz: Thanks.
Robert Alden: Can I have it?
Stuart Markowitz: What?
Robert Alden: [Pointing the gun] It's stick up time.
Ann Kelsey: Stuart.

Robert Alden: Hand it over. Watch, rings, money, come on.
[Stuart handover his Rolex Watch and his ring]
Robert Alden: You, too, Miss.
Stuart Markowitz: Do as he says, Ann.
[Ann handing in her diamond ring, but keep her wedding ring]
Ann Kelsey: Can I keep my wedding ring?
Robert Alden: Well, in consideration of the watch and the diamond ring, what the hell. Okay.
[Ann puts her wedding ring back in her finger]
Robert Alden: Hey, aren't you going to say thank you?
Ann Kelsey: Thank you.
Robert Alden: Okay. Attorneys, right? Well, you folks have a nice evening.
[Tires screeching by car and the yuppie bandit heads to the getaway car. And he got away. Ann Kelsey and Stuart Markowitz have been robbed in the evening]
Ann Kelsey: You wanted a purge? You got a purge.
Stuart Markowitz: Purge? I just purged my shorts.


"L.A. Law: Great Balls Afire (#6.15)" (1992)
Arnie Becker: Well, so far, this alleged daughter hasn't filed yet, you're probably threatened to go public to force a settlement.
Ann Kelsey: That's blackmail.
Arnie Becker: Well absolutely. Look, this Gorman is a bottom feeder. I wouldn't be surprised if he manipulated this girl into filing suit. He may even try to get appointed a guardian.
Ann Kelsey: So we're looking at fraud here?
Arnie Becker: Probably. But they've done some homework. Stuart, you did know this woman Karen Alder?
Stuart Markowitz: Yep, I - I dated her for like, uh, 3 months.
Arnie Becker: And you did go to bed with her?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, yeah, it was a casual thing. Well I wasn't among...
Ann Kelsey: I never said you were.
Arnie Becker: Okay, the good news is the girl is 16, the most you can ask for is 2 year support until she reaches her majority.
Stuart Markowitz: What's the bad news?
Arnie Becker: California child support guidelines state that a child must be supported in a fashion commensurate with father's wealth.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, God.
Arnie Becker: Giving you net annual salary, uh, I could see her going to what? 6,000 a month for 2 years? You're looking at a $150,000 hit here.
Stuart Markowitz: If this really were my daughter, why didn't the mother contact me for support?
Ann Kelsey: Exactly.
Arnie Becker: Relax. There will looked one thing.
Stuart Markowitz: What?
Arnie Becker: Your sperm count is so low can be measured infractions, their case is real shaky.
Stuart Markowitz: Great. That makes me feel really wonderful.
Ann Kelsey: So what do we do?
Arnie Becker: The easiest way to get rid of this, DNA tests. They'll probably won't come to that, but Gorman is a K-Mart lawyer, if I go at him, it worked in and I don't let up, I might intimidate him right back into the woodwork.
Ann Kelsey: Good. Because if he thinks we're gonna roll over for this kind of extortion, he is dead wrong.

Ann Kelsey: Be aggressive, Arnie. I want vintage, Becker.
Arnie Becker: Please, Ann.
[Arnie open the door to get to the proceedings]
Arnie Becker: Good Morning.
Barry Gorman: Mr. Markowitz.
[Mr. Gorman shaking hands with Stuart Markowitz]
Barry Gorman: Mr. Becker.
[And Mr. Gorman shaking hands with Arnie Becker]
Stuart Markowitz: This is my wife Ann Kelsey.
Ann Kelsey: Mr. Gorman.
Barry Gorman: I'd like you both to meet my client Sarah Alder.
[Sarah meets is Ann Kelsey and Stuart Markowitz]
Sarah Alder: Hi.
Ann Kelsey: Hello.
Sarah Alder: [Sarah shaking hands with Stuart] Hi.
Stuart Markowitz: Hi

Arnie Becker: Let's get started. First thing I like to know is what you're doing representing a minor.
Barry Gorman: So happens, Counselor, that I'm planning on seeking guardianship for this young lady.
Arnie Becker: You know the only thing that stinks here worse than your case, Counselor is your ethics.
Barry Gorman: Let's drop the animosity, shall we?
Arnie Becker: You haven't seen animosity, Mr. Gorman. As highly unlikely, that this girl is Mr. Markowitz' daughter, these medical records from his urologist gonna test. You're leveling flimsy charges against a man of high principles. All those sperm count.
Stuart Markowitz: All right, Arnie.
Ann Kelsey: She's your daughter, Stuart.
Arnie Becker: What?
Stuart Markowitz: What?.
Ann Kelsey: You're the father, I can tell.
Barry Gorman: Terrific. Let's drop some papers.
Ann Kelsey: Look at her. Look at her eyes, for God's sake. Can't you see it?
Arnie Becker: I don't believe this.

Ann Kelsey: How are we gonna tell Matthew?
Stuart Markowitz: Mat - - Matthew's 2 years old.
Ann Kelsey: I can just need a mother. This is Stuart's daughter by a previous range.
Stuart Markowitz: Now wait a minute, we don't talk to your mother now. Why should we...
Sarah Alder: [Sarah finds out that's not true] He's not my father.
Barry Gorman: What?
Arnie Becker: What?
Sarah Alder: I'm sorry. I knew my mom have been with you. I knew you had money, that's why I came to you, but you're not my real father.
Barry Gorman: Let's not jump to any rash conclusions here.
Sarah Alder: He doesn't even look like me.
[Sarah and Stuart are not related]
Sarah Alder: I'm sorry.
[Sarah's leaving and heading home. What's wrong with Stuart Markowitz biologically paternal? And what's the matter with Ann Kelsey? She's out of her mind]

Stuart Markowitz: I call Dr. Finkelstein. I want that DNA test.
Ann Kelsey: It'll only confirm what we already know, Stuart, she is your daughter.
Stuart Markowitz: It's weird. I - I was in that room, what? 5 minutes? Most of which I spent telling myself she was a fraud. And this feeling keeps coming up. It's the same feeling I had that day we lost Kelsey.
Ann Kelsey: [sighs] What was the mother like?
Stuart Markowitz: She was... she was nice. Karen. She was... fond, she was smart.
Ann Kelsey: Was she good and bad?
Stuart Markowitz: Ann, at that point in my life, if I got a woman in bed, it was good.
Ann Kelsey: Obviously, you didn't practice safe sex.
Stuart Markowitz: No. In 1974, safe-sex meant not having sex in a moving vehicle, okay?
[Ann looking weird]
Stuart Markowitz: Are you okay about this?
Ann Kelsey: It's not the mother. Or your relationship with her. It's the idea there is a stranger out there, that has some kind of claim on you.
Stuart Markowitz: She doesn't have a claim on me, she gave up whatever claimed she had when she walked out that door.
Ann Kelsey: She gave it up. Does that mean you can?
Stuart Markowitz: No. No. I don't think I can.


"L.A. Law: Whistle Stop (#8.21)" (1994)
Leland McKenzie: And he went down to the police station to make what he thought was a routine statement, they arrested him for murder.
Stuart Markowitz: And he didn't tell you anymore than that.
Jonathan Rollins: Uh, not on the phone.
Jonathan Rollins: This is unbelievable.
Patrick Flanagan: Has a bail hearing be set?
Leland McKenzie: The DA's office has playing games. I'm going there this morning to see Holzman.
Jane Halliday: You mean he might have to spend the night in jail?
Leland McKenzie: It is a distinct possibility?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Once it's set, Ann, can you handle the bail hearing?
Ann Kelsey: Sure, the only problem is they won't be able to talk to Arnie until this afternoon in court all morning.
Jane Halliday: I'll - I'll go talk to him.
Leland McKenzie: Jonathan, you should talk to the police. Find out the names of all the officers involved. Get as much as you can.
Jonathan Rollins: Right.
Stuart Markowitz: We may also need the services of a private investigator.
Eli Levinson: I'll call Jinx.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All of Arnold's active clients need to be contacted reassured and, uh, assigned to other members at the firm, until Arnold is available again.
Leland McKenzie: You and I should make those calls, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And under no circumstances, should anyone talk to the press. I wish you were a statement and emphasizing our supportant belief in Arnold's innocence.
Patrick Flanagan: I can do that, I have some contact with the LA Times.
Stuart Markowitz: I'll talk to the office staff.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Good.
[Douglas has closed his gold hunter case pocket watch that the time is up]

Ann Kelsey: Your Honor, the defense ask that Mr. Becker's bail be set at $100,000. My client had numerous ties to this community not to at least which is the long-standing partnership in the law firm of McKenzie, Brackman, as such he does not represent a flight risk.
A.D.A. Belinda Fox: Respectively, Your Honor, the people disagreed. Mr. Becker has financial means and the connections to leave this country quickly and quietly. We ask that he be held without bail.
Ann Kelsey: Ask the counsel, explain her reference to financial means and connections, Your Honor.
Judge Herman Keene: Ms. Fox?
A.D.A. Belinda Fox: Mr. Becker's salaries in the high six figures, and he owns property into visa.
Ann Kelsey: Although the defendant will gladly give up his passport, I would ask the counsel explain how she knows this things about my client.
A.D.A. Belinda Fox: He told me.
Judge Herman Keene: In the context of your investigation of this case?
A.D.A. Belinda Fox: In the context of a conversation we had prior to his arrest.
Ann Kelsey: This brings us to our second motion, Your Honor, we ask that the court order the District Attorney's Office to disqualify Ms. Fox as prosecutor in this case.
Judge Herman Keene: Why would I do that, Ms. Kelsey?
Ann Kelsey: She was recently involved in the romantic relationship with my client which ended rather badly. We believed that her resulting animus makes it impossible for her prosecute this case and unbiased manner.
A.D.A. Belinda Fox: Your Honor, my relationship with Mr. Becker was inconsequential and has no bearing on this case. These charges were bought against the defendant because he was seen leaving the scene of the murder by two investigators for the District Attorney's Office, his fingerprints were found throughout the victim's house and on the victim's body.
Ann Kelsey: And who was it that assigned the investigators to follow him in the first place?
A.D.A. Belinda Fox: I did.
Judge Herman Keene: For what reason?
A.D.A. Belinda Fox: Mr. Becker is the subject of an ongoing investigation for obstructing justice...
Arnie Becker: [Protesting] That is a total sham! This woman is out to get me! That is the only reason that I'm here!
Judge Herman Keene: Ms. Kelsey, please advise your client. These outbursts are in no way helping his case.
Ann Kelsey: I'm sure he understands that, Your Honor.
Judge Herman Keene: All right. As to this motion for disqualification, I want supporting papers filed by both sides. I'll take that matter under advisement. As to the issue of bail, I do not believe that Arnold Becker represents a flight risk, and therefore I'm gonna set bail on this matter. Due to the seriousness of the crime, I'm gonna order bail be set in the sum of $500,000. All right. Let's call the next case, please.

Jinx Baldasseri: Okay. I'll put a tail on him starting tonight.
Ann Kelsey: We have to be prepared for the possibility if he's leaving the country.
Leland McKenzie: Yes, at this point, there's nothing we can do to prevent that. So practice movements.
Jinx Baldasseri: Hmm. That I can do.
Eli Levinson: Are we looking into any of her other clients?
Jinx Baldasseri: I'm gonna talk to some others girls, see if I could start piecing together a list.
Jane Halliday: You think it was Frank, though?
Arnie Becker: Yes, I do.
Leland McKenzie: Well, until we have something definite, we mustn't overlook anything.
Arnie Becker: I wanna ride along with you when you tell him.
Ann Kelsey: What for?
Arnie Becker: 'Cause I wanna watch him with my own eyes.
Jinx Baldasseri: What is it you think all of a sudden when I wanna miss something?
Arnie Becker: Jinx, if I can gain some insight by riding along with you and thereby system my own defense, I think it's probably time well spent.
Jinx Baldasseri: I'll be in front of the building at 5:30 p.m.
Eli Levinson: I guess there's no reason for me to come along in that case.
Jinx Baldasseri: Was there ever?
[Jinx will be back. Eli will be prepared to be there with Arnie]

Eli Levinson: That was great. Thanks.
Ann Kelsey: He's in with Arnie.
[There's someone here to see them. They going to questioning Frank Askoff]

Frank Askoff: So after I took off last night, I just drove. Just... pretty much to instinct. It's about the house that I had lived in for the past 22 years. And Vivian allowed me to come in. I proceeded to tell the truth.
Vivian Askoff: It's quite a night.
Arnie Becker: Why'd you kill her, Frank?
Frank Askoff: Look, I - I didn't start out intending to, I... I went over there to try to make a deal with her.
Arnie Becker: That's what I was going over there for.
Frank Askoff: Yeah, I know, but your heart wasn't in it. I just thought that I could do it better.
Ann Kelsey: Why'd you kill her?
Frank Askoff: I realize I couldn't trust her. I mean no matter how much money I paid her, I... it seemed that it always be that chance that, my secret would get out. And I realize that I panic. I, uh, I put my hands in the throat.
[sighs]
Frank Askoff: And before I knew what I was doing... I'd strangled it.
Eli Levinson: Now what?
Frank Askoff: Now I turn myself in.
Arnie Becker: You want to have a lawyer with you when you do that.
Vivian Askoff: Have any of you represent him?
Ann Kelsey: No. No one here can represent him.
Arnie Becker: We'll find your lawyer.
Frank Askoff: Good. I think I wanna... wanna go home now and change my clothes before I get down there.
[Frank owe Arnie an apology]
Frank Askoff: Arnie, I'm sorry for what I put you through. I'm really sorry.
Arnie Becker: Good luck, Frank.
Frank Askoff: Thanks.
[Vivian will take her forgiven husband Frank outside. They sure fool with the wrong guy. Eli comforts Arnie Becker and cleared his name. He was framed for murder]


"L.A. Law: Hello and Goodbye (#7.13)" (1993)
[Meanwhile, Ann is looking at the picture. Knocking on the door is Leland to have a minute with Ann at her office since the riots in Los Angeles, and all about Ann and Stuart]
Leland McKenzie: You have a minute?
Ann Kelsey: Of course.
Leland McKenzie: Ann, we've known each other a long time. Going forward with your lawsuit against the city is the worst thing you could possibly do.
Ann Kelsey: I'm acting on my own, Leland, not as a Representative of McKenzie, Brackman.
Leland McKenzie: Come on now. You know I'm not concerned about the effect on this firm. I'm talking about you and Stuart.
Ann Kelsey: Did Stuart talk to you?
Leland McKenzie: No, no. But you know better than I, he's against this. See, I - I can only imagine how difficult this year has been for the two of you. But you have a chance to put the past behind you to get on with your lives.
Ann Kelsey: Leland, I cannot just pretend that this never happened. I cannot let the people who did this to us just get away with it.
Leland McKenzie: But you can unring a bell, Ann. No amount of money, no prison terms, however, lengthy can balance the books. And I won't lecture you. But I do know that I have been lucky enough in my life to have loved twice, my wife and Rosalind, twice, to have that taken away. Well - There are a million reasons that people who... end up alone. There need only be one stay together.

[In the office, Stuart has to think about what happened about his life, and Ann is here to talk with Stuart about her reaction]
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, you're making it worse.
[Stuart is not in the mood, and he's very busy]
Stuart Markowitz: I'm busy.
Ann Kelsey: Please, don't do this.
Stuart Markowitz: Why am I getting subpoenaed by the City Attorney's Office?
Ann Kelsey: Because I'm angry, Stuart.
Stuart Markowitz: No kidding.
Ann Kelsey: There were two of us who were mugged! And only one of us was treated! What about me?
Stuart Markowitz: I didn't ask for this, Ann. I - I give anything for this not to have happened. But it happened. And now what I wanna do is get past it.
Ann Kelsey: What am I supposed to do? I have been waiting.
Stuart Markowitz: Waiting for what? What do you want from me, Ann?
Ann Kelsey: I want you the way you were!
Stuart Markowitz: Well, it's not possible. I'm sorry, but that's not possible. A person can't go through it, I went through come out the same as he went in. And if you can't accept that, I'm packing up and I'm out of here.
[Ann has opened the door and leave for the moment]

City Atty. Dana Romney: [City Attorney Dana Romney has returned again] Hello, everybody.
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, great.
City Atty. Dana Romney: Oh, it's a gorgeous day. Oh, and what a view from the tower of power. One of these days. All right, Dana Romney, City Attorney. Douglas Brackman may have told about me.
Ann Kelsey: We know who you are, Mr. Romney, let's get on with this all of us are very busy.
City Atty. Dana Romney: We certainly are, Ms. Kelsey, which is why your meritless claim offends me. Why not spared taxpayers the cost of defending your charges and your husband the agony of what a mine interrogation.
Ann Kelsey: Excuse me?
City Atty. Dana Romney: Drop the suit.
Ann Kelsey: Drop dead.
City Atty. Dana Romney: Suggests me or there's a surplus of hostility in this room?
[Romney laughing]
City Atty. Dana Romney: Okay.

Ann Kelsey: Stuart, I have something I need to say to you.
Stuart Markowitz: I can't wait, Ann, Douglas needs his figures.
Ann Kelsey: It can't wait.
[Ann closed the door. Stuart puts his paper and his pen down and listen. Ann needs to tell Stuart the truth all about Ann and Stuart that they have loved]
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, I wish I had been more supportive. Less judgmental, more secure with myself and who I am. But when all this happened, it so shook my world. It... it so altered everything that I... have finally begun to take for granted. All I want was to punish the people that have done this to us, and instead I... I wound up punishing the only true victim of this whole sorry mess. So if you... if you really want to leave this marriage, I'll understand. Hmm. But I love you, and... if you could possibly forgive me and...
[Ann sobbing]
Ann Kelsey: and help me to put this behind us.
Stuart Markowitz: Shh.
[Stuart will comfort Ann and forgive her. Holding, hugged Ann, and kissed her]
Stuart Markowitz: I love you.
[And continues kissing]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ann Kelsey vs. City Los Angeles. What's this?
Ann Kelsey: I'm suing the LAPD for inadequate response during the riots. They had a helicopter overhead during Stuart's attack, and all he did was watch.
Leland McKenzie: Stuart, you're not involved in this action?
Stuart Markowitz: No, I'm not. This is Ann's shot.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What kind of damages he's looking for?
Ann Kelsey: Loss of consortium.
Leland McKenzie: Wait, you're aware with a case such as this, you can expect questions about your intimacies...
Stuart Markowitz: It doesn't matter, Leland. Clearly, I'm a shadow of my former self.
[Stuart needs to take a moment and be alone at his office]
Ann Kelsey: I understand that this is a matter of public record, but it's not up for discussion here.
[Ann closed her desk folder]
Ann Kelsey: Excuse me.
Leland McKenzie: Yes, ma'am.


"L.A. Law: Oy Vey! Wilderness! (#1.21)" (1987)
Ann Kelsey: [while hiking] Stuart, my back is killing me.
Stuart Markowitz: Are your hip stablizers secure?
Ann Kelsey: I don't know if they are. I told you it was ridiculous to bring all this junk!
Stuart Markowitz: Don't start with me, Ann. Don't start with me!

Stuart Markowitz: [while cutting into a potato after roasting it over an open fire] Ugh! Ann, the middle is all raw. I knew we should have bought that butane stove.
Ann Kelsey: [voice-over] Eat some more trail mix.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm sick of trail mix.
Ann Kelsey: Well, if you hadn't broken all the eggs when you tumbled over...
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, like that was really my fault.
Ann Kelsey: I don't want to fight anymore. Could you throw some toilet paper over here?
Stuart Markowitz: Sure. Where'd you pack it?
Ann Kelsey: I didn't pack it. You did.
Stuart Markowitz: No, I thought you did.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, swell! You brought ever damn thing in the world out here except the toilet paper! What am I supposed to do?
Stuart Markowitz: How about using a leaf?
Ann Kelsey: A leaf?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah. You said you didn't want anything to come between you and nature.

Stuart Markowitz: [Continued hiking] Come on, honey.
Ann Kelsey: Aaah!
Stuart Markowitz: I'll get him. I'll get him.
[Stuart strikes the lizard, but suddenly he missed it]
Stuart Markowitz: All right, the hell with him. Hell with him. I'll let him go. Come on.
Ann Kelsey: God, I hate lizards.
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, God. God this pack is unbelievable. Feel like a lama. How you feeling, honey?
Ann Kelsey: How do you think I'm feeling?
Stuart Markowitz: Is - is the itching getting any better?
Ann Kelsey: The itching's worse. The burning is worse. I am in agony, Stuart. Total agony.
Stuart Markowitz: Just going to be a little bit further. It'll be okay.
Ann Kelsey: How are we ever going to find a dermatologist in this god-forsaken place?
Stuart Markowitz: Well, you know, any kind of doctor can treat poison sumac or whatever it was. Did you, uh, remember to bring the leaf specimen?
Ann Kelsey: I thought you were going to bring it.
Stuart Markowitz: Well, you know I - he probably doesn't need it anyway. Come on.
[Continued hiking, but suddenly they found the jeep]
Ann Kelsey: Oh, Stuart, could you please run and warm it up?

Stuart Markowitz: Come on.
[Ignition grinding]
Stuart Markowitz: Come on, come on. Come on. It won't start.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, God, Stuart. Stuart, you're got to get me out of here. Please.
[Ann is in agony of itching]
Ann Kelsey: I don't care how. Just - Just get to the Ranger's station or something, please. You've got to get me out of this miserable place... before I start to cry.
[Ann begins to start crying while suffering of itchiness]
Stuart Markowitz: Ann. Ann, come on, honey.
[Ann is sobbing]
Stuart Markowitz: I'm going to get you out of here. I'm going to - Just hang in there, honey. I'm going to get us out of here real soon. I promise. I'll be right back. Now, just don't move. I'll be right back!
[Stuart will get help and turned to Ann]
Stuart Markowitz: And don't scratch!


"L.A. Law: I'm Ready for My Closeup, Mr. Markowitz (#6.12)" (1992)
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, I just realized, I've got this deposition until 5:00 tomorrow, I'm gonna have to come right home from there and change.
Stuart Markowitz: Change for what?
Ann Kelsey: The AIDS benefit in Santa Monica.
Stuart Markowitz: That's tomorrow night?
Ann Kelsey: Honey, of course it is.
Stuart Markowitz: Ann, I have my meeting with Lilah Vandenberg tomorrow night.
Ned Barron: Lilah Vandenberg, the Actress?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah.
Ann Kelsey: I thought that was in the afternoon.
Stuart Markowitz: No, she only takes evening meetings. She finds so much more civilized.
Ned Barron: She a client of yours?
Stuart Markowitz: Well, she's represented by Susan Bloom, but they ask me to take a look at her finances.
Ann Kelsey: So I go to the dinner all alone?
Ann Kelsey: No, uh, uh,why don't you call somebody from the firm? Maybe Douglas would want to go.
Ned Barron: Well, I can take you.
Ann Kelsey: [Ann turned to Ned] Very sweet of you.
Stuart Markowitz: No, wait a minute. That's a great idea.

Ann Kelsey: Who's gonna take care of Matthew?
Stuart Markowitz: Matthew can stay with the, uh, the which you call us next door?
Ned Barron: The Haileys.
Stuart Markowitz: The Haileys. They used crazy about little, uh...
Ned Barron: Chelsea.
Stuart Markowitz: [Stuart continues] ... little, little Chelsea. He won't even know where he gone.
Ann Kelsey: It's black tie, Stuart.
Ned Barron: Well, there's no problem. My roommate used to be a maître d'. Uh, actually he owns a tuxedo.
Stuart Markowitz: Great. No problem. You see. No problem. There's no problem at all. Is it Matthew? No problem.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Next up. Campos et al vs. Halifax Chemical.
Tommy Mullaney: We're going to trial.
[Brackman and McKenzie exchange a look]
Grace Van Owen: This is the class action suit brought by the Hondurans?
Tommy Mullaney: Uh-huh. I'm co-chair with Alex DePalma, the attorney who brought it to us. Farm workers down there used a real nasty pesticide called Trichlor, also known as "Wallop." It made 400 of them sterile.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Wallop indeed.
Tommy Mullaney: Trichlor was suspended by the E.P.A., but Halifax kept shipping tons of the stuff to Honduras.
Ann Kelsey: I thought this case was dismissed on jurisdictional grounds.
Tommy Mullaney: We appealed. The court ruled that since Halifax is based in California, we can try it here.
Arnie Becker: Foreign workers suing in our courts? Good luck.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It's worse than you think. DePalma is a solo practitioner from East L.A. Halifax is represented by Breech and Spitzer.
Jonathan Rollins: Those guys are pit bulls.
Arnie Becker: Kiss this one goodbye.
Tommy Mullaney: Look. We know it's a long shot. But what that company did to these people was a crime.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: But you can't write every wrong in the world. And this is eating up billable hours...
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Hours aren't the point here.
Stuart Markowitz: This is about conscience.
Arnie Becker: Come on, folks. We have to have some fiscal responsibility...
Jonathan Rollins: Yeah, but how far are we expected to go?
Leland McKenzie: [to Mullaney] Before this goes any further, I want to talk to Mr. DePalma and the class rep.
[to Brackman]
Leland McKenzie: Anything else, Douglas?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No. We're adjourned.


"L.A. Law: F.O.B. (#7.15)" (1993)
Arnie Becker: They're lot of ways I can go with this porn. I can become an Independent Producer, I can become an agent.
Gwen Taylor: I thought you're having been a Studio Executive, Arnie.
Arnie Becker: Gwen, in show-business, a sense of complacency is a very dangerous thing.
Ann Kelsey: I'm thinking of opening a restaurant.
Jonathan Rollins: A restaurant?
Ann Kelsey: Yeah. These guys has started the California Pizza Kitchen, we're both lawyers.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What kind of restaurant?
Ann Kelsey: I don't know yet.
Stuart Markowitz: What about Fast Food Jewish?
Daniel Morales: Fast Food Jewish?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, absolutely. I'd think it'll be great to be able to walk up to a counter and get a little paper cone filled with Kasha varnishkes.
[Melina laughs]
Jonathan Rollins: Well, I know that something I've always want to do.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, shall we get started? Falcone vs. Falcone.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, another divorce. I'm meeting with the woman for the first time today. I'll try to dispose of it as painlessly as possible. I'm really not up for a fight.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: People vs. Quinn.
Daniel Morales: That's my murder case. The jury's picked, we go to trial later today.
Ann Kelsey: Are you still holding with the plea of temporary insanity?
Daniel Morales: I don't believe in it, but it's all I got.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Samuels vs. San Fernando Psychiatric.
Ann Kelsey: Uh, all I know is the - this is a negligence action and Samuels knows some people in the Clinton Administration.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Whether we knew some people in the Clinton Administration. Mickey Kantor and Warren Christopher, both came out of L.A. Law firms, they tap in all kinds of people from here to do all kinds of things. What do we get? Nothing.

Ann Kelsey: Let me make some introduction. Gerald Samuels. Leland McKenzie, our Senior Partner.
Gerard Samuels: Nice to meet you.
Ann Kelsey: Douglas Brackman.
Gerard Samuels: Nice to meet you.
Leland McKenzie: Be sit.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How's everything in Washington?
Gerard Samuels: Well, at this point, everyone's still getting use to everyone else.
Ann Kelsey: Are you spending most of your time there?
Gerard Samuels: I go back and forth. One aspect of political life is remaining in a state of continual availability.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: In other words, when your President needs you. They're no excuses.
Gerard Samuels: Right.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: God, I love that.

Leland McKenzie: [laughing] What's your background, Mr. Samuels? How did you come to be a part of the Clinton in the circle?
Gerard Samuels: Well, I was pretty much of academic. I got my Doctor in Labor Relations and Organizational Development. MIT. I got to know Bob Reich, pretty much through attending conferences. Think I deliver the paper use particularly interesting at one point. And we got to be friends. Plus when I move out here, I got to know Mickey Kantor.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Through Bob Reich?
Gerard Samuels: No. Actually, we've introduced by our friend who worked at manad. Which was also Mickey's firm.
Leland McKenzie: I'm curious. How come you didn't take this to Manad?
Gerard Samuels: Well, as our feeling, we want us to be handled by a firm without Washington connections.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And tragically, that's us.
Ann Kelsey: How can we help you, Mr. Samuels?
Gerard Samuels: For number of years now, mental hospitals have been releasing patients into community without making any real adequate provision for follow up care. As a result, two things are happening. People are need of treatment have been getting it. And our cities have been inundated with, uh, disoriented, sometimes dangerous individuals who constitute a threats themselves as well those around them. I want to bring a test case, by suing San Fernando Psychiatric.
Leland McKenzie: Well, generally, you need a relationship or an necess to the event you're suing over?
Gerard Samuels: I'm a concerned citizen. We believe that necess enough.
Ann Kelsey: And when you say, "we", who are you referring to?
Gerard Samuels: I'm referring to various individuals at the high levels of the Clinton Administration.
[Douglas was impressive]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I think you've got a great case.
[Ann Kelsey will like that]


"L.A. Law: Outward Bound (#4.21)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Will Rosalind be joining?
Leland McKenzie: Uh, no. No, she won't. As a matter a fact, Rosalind has ask me to informed you all, she'll be leaving by the end of the week.
Arnie Becker: She's taking all those clients with her?
Leland McKenzie: Yes.
[Benny has serve some danishes on the plate. Ann ask Benny how his show of The Wizard of Oz going so far]
Ann Kelsey: So, Benny, how's the show going?
Benny Stulwicz: Good.
Stuart Markowitz: You're shopping for an agent yet?
Benny Stulwicz: No.
[Benny felt bad. And he left the meeting]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What's with him?
Leland McKenzie: Can we get started?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Cavanaugh vs. Smyth.
Michael Kuzak: And we go today. It's gonna be a tough one.
Arnie Becker: I'm surprised you're even taken it to trial.
Michael Kuzak: Well, outing makes some people pretty mad, Arnie, and particularly the out he...
Jonathan Rollins: What is outing?
Michael Kuzak: There some gay activists like the defendant who believed in forcing other gays to come out of the closet. Sometimes it's gay, politicians who don't support gay causes other times it's just people that they want everyone to know they are gay.
Abby Perkins: Sounds nasty.

Michael Kuzak: Yeah, well the defendant has freedom of the press on his side, what was published was true. So it's not liable. It's probably not invasion privacy either since my guy was a public figure.
Ann Kelsey: Which is why he was out in the first place.
Michael Kuzak: Right.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, a couple of queens get mad each other. Look out.
Michael Kuzak: These are not queens, Douglas, one is a cop, the other is a journalist. And they are both gays. But they're not queens.
[But guess who's here]
Gwen Taylor: Mr. Becker?
Arnie Becker: Yep.
Gwen Taylor: I'm sorry to interrupt, but lease decker's on the phone wants to know if she can come in at 3:00.
Arnie Becker: Yeah, sure.
Gwen Taylor: Okay.
Victor Sifuentes: Who is?
Arnie Becker: Oh, Roxanne's working half days this week, she needs some more time to tint to her father, so, uh, Gwen is filling in for...
Victor Sifuentes: Gwen.
Leland McKenzie: Is there anything else we can cover?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Actually, that's it.
Michael Kuzak: Uh, just a second. It's no secret that I have been interviewing with the Wall Street Firm. I've decided to go back to New York. My father has cancer, and the doctors give him a year so to live. I'd like to give him a year also myself. I'm sorry.
[Michael will be going]


"L.A. Law: How Am I Driving? (#8.20)" (1994)
Patrick Flanagan: Why don't we just give him another minute?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I think not. Let's get started. Ruland vs. Wayside...
Jonathan Rollins: Uh. uh, uh, uh, Douglas. There he is.
[Eli has arrived by bus]
Leland McKenzie: OK.
Eli Levinson: Sorry. Sorry.
Leland McKenzie: Uh-huh.
Eli Levinson: The buses were running late.
Arnie Becker: You actually take a bus?
Eli Levinson: Yes.
Stuart Markowitz: Unbelievable, isn't it?
Eli Levinson: It's really not that unbelievable.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And you're doing it for some kind of ecological reason, Eli?
Eli Levinson: I'm doing it because I don't have a driver's license. Denise is giving me lessons however, I'm inching on being ready to take the road test. And I'm about to buy a car
Ann Kelsey: You can buy a car before you get your license?
Eli Levinson: And to all partners just settle a case of mine is they send me a very large check. I thought I did something extravagant.
Jonathan Rollins: What are you getting?
Eli Levinson: I have no idea. Denise is set me up a car broker who presumably will get me through this is painlessly as possible.
Arnie Becker: Ultimately when buying a car, keep one question uppermost in mind. How am I going to feel when I'm standing in front of a restaurant? The ballet brings me my car.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Thank you, Arnold.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ruland vs. Wayside Hospital.
Jonathan Rollins: Yeah, that's mine. A 16-year-old girl found to be incorrigible by her father, is being committed to a psychiatric facility by him. She soon to be released from the facility and we're representing the father at the facility.
Jane Halliday: What did she do?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Drugs, sex, alcohol. Well, her father feel that she's basically out of control.
Arnie Becker: There but for the grace of God.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Askoff vs. Askoff.
Arnie Becker: Yes, we're representing Frank Askoff, his wife is suing for the divorce also looking to disembowel him financially. Her leverages Carmilla Greer.
Stuart Markowitz: What? He's in a book?
Arnie Becker: Yes, he is. He also runs a publicly traded corporation. He wants very much for this not to get out?
Jane Halliday: Whose Carmilla Greer?
Ann Kelsey: She's a madam.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm rather well placed, madam.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, I suspect there are a number people in that book who very much don't want to get out.
Arnie Becker: Well, you frequent prostitutes, you run that risk.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, I have never been the prostitute.
Ann Kelsey: Ah, gee!


"L.A. Law: Since I Fell for You (#5.22)" (1991)
Judge Richard Lobel: I don't mind telling you, Ms. Clemmons, I've got serious doubts here about your ability to prove guilt beyond reasonable doubt. There's nothing tying the gun to the defendant, there's nothing to support the alleged conspiracy between the boy and his mother. I don't much like wasting taxpayers money on foregone conclusions, but I cannot deny that probable cause at least does exist. I have no choice therefore but to order the defendant bound over for trial.
Ann Kelsey: Your Honor, request to be heard in chambers.
Judge Richard Lobel: What's going?
Tommy Mullaney: Oh, God, Ann?
Ann Kelsey: I need to be heard in chambers now.
Tommy Mullaney: Ann.
Ann Kelsey: Please, Your Honor.

Judge Richard Lobel: What's this about?
Ann Kelsey: Cory Walker shot Suzanne.
Tommy Mullaney: Ann.
Ann Kelsey: Not in self defense. It was premeditated murder.
Tommy Mullaney: Ann, stop this.
Ann Kelsey: He also shot his father.
Tommy Mullaney: Ann!
Jeanette Walker: For God's sake, how can you...
[continues arguing]
Judge Richard Lobel: Hold it.
Ann Kelsey: I went there that night, the boy told me what happened.
Jeanette Walker: This is attorney-client privilege. You can't...
Judge Richard Lobel: Quiet, please. The boy told you after you agreed to be their lawyer?
Ann Kelsey: Yes.
Tommy Mullaney: Boy.
Ann Kelsey: I don't care anymore, you hear me? I don't care about privilege. You're about to go on trial for something you didn't do. A 13-year old boy killed two people. He should be getting psychiatric help and he's not.
Judge Richard Lobel: Counsel.
Ann Kelsey: No, Your Honor, I've stop playing by the rules. If the rules can result in this, I want out. Disbarred me, do whatever you have to do. I'm not staying quiet any longer.
Tommy Mullaney: Your Honor, if I can...
Judge Richard Lobel: I am taking over now, Mr. Mullaney, let me do the talking. In the interests of justice, I'm dismissing the claim against Jeanette Walker. Ms. Clemmons, you can bring the boy up in charges if you want. But I'm telling you right now Ms. Kelsey's inside information is totally excluded by attorney-client privilege, given that you have no real evidence, I strongly suggest that you work something out. Now, Ms. Kelsey, I'm reporting your actions to the State Bar as of now you're their problem, not mine. You'll be there 11:00 tomorrow morning.


"L.A. Law: Do the Spike Thing (#6.3)" (1991)
Leland McKenzie: Well, in addition to the broken nose, he suffered facial bruising and a cracked rib.
Arnie Becker: How much they get?
Ann Kelsey: Oh, my God.
Jonathan Rollins: Robbery.
Leland McKenzie: Well, it's, uh, apparently not the motive. He has $200.00 in his wallet when he was admitted to Cedars.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Where did this happen?
Leland McKenzie: Westside. Outside a restaurant Andrew Cleese?
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Andrew Cleese?
Arnie Becker: You know the place?
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Uh, yeah, it rings the bell.
Stuart Markowitz: So is he gonna miss his own awards luncheon?
Leland McKenzie: Well, I hope not. If this condition remains stable, we'll let him come home tomorrow. In his absence, we'll keep this brief. Roxanne?
Roxanne Melman: Okay, first up we...
Tommy Mullaney: Oh, by the way. Word is the Board of Supervisors is completed its investigation of Mr. Rogoff. As of today, our district attorney is history.
Jonathan Rollins: Yeah. Yes.
Ann Kelsey: Woo!
Jonathan Rollins: Yeah.
Bill Castroverde: Rogoff's final appeal was rejected?
Jonathan Rollins: He withdrew his appeal and got to keep his pension.
Tommy Mullaney: Hey! When did your ties with the DA's office get better than mine?

Roxanne Melman: Moving along.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Hey, you're going to see Zoey, huh?
Tommy Mullaney: Oh, yeah, you bet.
Leland McKenzie: Can we get started, Roxanne?
Roxanne Melman: Good idea. Uh, Paul vs. Humble Logging.
Leland McKenzie: Oh, yes. That's the saw mill accident.
Ann Kelsey: I'm down to my last motion.
Tommy Mullaney: Ann, you're gotta revoke us here club membership because you're defending loggers.
Ann Kelsey: This time the logging company is not at fault. The tree spiker cause the accident.
Bill Castroverde: Tree spiker?
Stuart Markowitz: An activists that drives nails and tree keep from being cut down.
Arnie Becker: An activist? He's a terrorist.
Ann Kelsey: He's also a co defendant.
Tommy Mullaney: Ah, co defendants.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Oh, no.
Roxanne Melman: Can we move on, People?
Ann Kelsey: Thanks for the encouragement, guys.
Roxanne Melman: Okay, People, listen up. Now Jonathan got the McFarlane deposition, C.J.'s got Jackson vs., oh, Tommy, you're downtown on the blast was arraignment. Okay, any questions? That's it. We're adjourned.


"L.A. Law: Ex-Wives and Videotape (#4.14)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. Michael, where are we on the Earl Williams' appeal?
Michael Kuzak: Earl on arguments before the Supreme Court of California tomorrow 11 o'clock. Victor will be second chair.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Are we still doing the mood for it in preparation?
Michael Kuzak: This morning. You, Victor and Stuart is the judges, I hope you just look over the briefs.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I studied them.
Michael Kuzak: Good. I want you be as tough as you can. I'll be giving you a list as the issues that I believe the judges will be coming at me with, so whatever questions, you can call up with very helpful.
Arnie Becker: I think you really got a shot?
Michael Kuzak: Yeah.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. Major Kudos to Rosalind Shays. She's officially landed Anderson Industries as a client. This is the second largest steel distribution company in the country and potentially, the biggest client we've ever had.
Stuart Markowitz: That's terrific.
Arnie Becker: Way the go, Ros.
Rosalind Shays: [laughing] Thank you. I have a meeting with the CEO on Wednesday and I suspect that he'll put us right to work.
Leland McKenzie: That's fantastic.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It certainly is. And moving from the fantastic to the incredible, Arnold, you have a case involving Rochelle Peters?
Arnie Becker: Yeah, I'm representing her ex-husband.
Leland McKenzie: Is that the Rochelle Peters of the Evening News 7 o'clock?
Arnie Becker: Very one. And this is good. Evidently, Miss Peters did some anchoring before different kinda camera.
Abby Perkins: Don't tell me.
Arnie Becker: Home videos. Between she and her husband when they were just newlyweds in the act. The other act in a simultaneous acting we cut to 5 years later, husband becomes ex-husband, he has something all the adult film entertainment companies would like to have you, he wants to sell, she slapped him with a restraining order.
Ann Kelsey: That's despicable.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Have you got the tape?
Arnie Becker: He'll be bringing it and we've got a meeting this morning.
Ann Kelsey: How can you involve yourself with something like this.
Arnie Becker: Because it's perverted, it's sorted, it's what I live for.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Keep us surprised, Arnold. And on that titillating note, we're adjourned.
[the meeting is dismissed]


"L.A. Law: Blood, Sweat and Fears (#4.15)" (1990)
Leland McKenzie: [Leland has arrived at the Conference Room, late night. He is making an announcement to every partners] I want to thank you all for staying late.
Michael Kuzak: So what's going on, Leland?
Leland McKenzie: This. Effective as of this Friday. I am resigning as Senior Partner of this law firm.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: What?
Ann Kelsey: Leland.
Leland McKenzie: I'll stay on as of Counsel. But one of you will have to take over.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Are you sick?
Leland McKenzie: No, no. I'm not sick. My health has nothing to do with it.
Ann Kelsey: Then what? What possible reason could you have for dropping this kind of bomb on us?
Leland McKenzie: Because for some time now, I've hated to come into work, Ann. People keep threatening to quit. People tell me to go to hell. The place is splitting at the scenes and I can't be the one to hold it together very long.
Arnie Becker: So what are we supposed to do?
Leland McKenzie: You'll elect the new Senior Partner, that's what you'll do.
Ann Kelsey: Who? Who here can do this job?
Leland McKenzie: Anybody but me.
Michael Kuzak: Well, you can't do this, Leland.
Leland McKenzie: Oh, yes, I can. I'm old. I'm rich. I'm done.
[Leland resign as Senior Partner and going for to nominate and electing the next Senior Partner for the upcoming Election Day. Leland heads and leave the Conference Room Meeting]

Ann Kelsey: Stuart, I didn't say you would make a good Senior Partner.
Stuart Markowitz: No, you didn't say it. But you implied, didn't you?
Ann Kelsey: I simply ask why it is you want to run for it?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, which means, how can I possibly consider for a single second that I actually run a law firm, right?
Ann Kelsey: Oh, brother. If that is what you infer for one simple little question, Stuart. I don't know what to say.
Stuart Markowitz: Well, let's get down to it, Ann. Are you gonna vote for me?
Ann Kelsey: Honey, of course, I'm gonna vote for you, you're my husband. How can I not support you in this?
Stuart Markowitz: [laughing] Ho, ho, ho, oh, great. There it is. You are unbelievable. The absolute maestro with a back end compliment.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, my God's sake.
Stuart Markowitz: No, it's great, Ann, it's great. You vote for me, out of spousal obligation. Not because I'll be good doing any job. No, not because I'll be a good leader. Not because be good for the firm. No. But because it's a wife's duty to back her husband. Even though we may be tilting at windmills.
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, what do you want for me? You want me to stand up and cheer the firm is save, Stuart Markowitz to the rescue? You have never been the head of a single department. You have never been the boss of anything. At least Douglas has been an administrator.
Stuart Markowitz: That's all he is, Ann, he's an administrator. There's no vision. You can't see beyond the paperclip inventory. And he has no business being vested with the direction of our lives.
Ann Kelsey: Better him than Rosalind Shays.
Stuart Markowitz: She can't win.
Ann Kelsey: She can, Stuart. If you and Douglas split your vote. You can take just enough to support away from each other and make that queen bitch the winner.
Stuart Markowitz: Ann.
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, I can live with Brackman. Not happily, but I can live. But if Rosalind Shays gets control of this...
Stuart Markowitz: It's not gonna happen. You want to how this things gonna break down? Leland backs Douglas, Rosalind votes for herself, You and I vote for me. That leaves Becker and Kuzak as a swing votes.
Ann Kelsey: And they'll vote for you?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, yeah. Yeah, Arnie was never happy about her joining the firm to begin with. And he's never taken Douglas seriously. I think I can nail him down. The trick is Kuzak. Got to figure out a way to back Kuzak.
[Ann is looking pretty weird]
Stuart Markowitz: What?


"L.A. Law: The Last Gasp (#4.22)" (1990)
Ann Kelsey: You're not just suing for your money back, are you, Mr. Lewis? You're also claiming emotional distress.
Jack Lewis: They lost to Tampa Bay. Twice.
Ann Kelsey: You're tying up the court, a judge, a clerk, because you don't like the way a team played football?
Jack Lewis: I spent money. And then watching their games cause me to have a blood pressure condition.
Ann Kelsey: The Chicago Bears did this?
Jack Lewis: Yeah. As a doctors, they did this. When they lied, saying they were good and set me up.
Ann Kelsey: At the time those claims were made, they thought they were good.
Jack Lewis: Baloney. They have lousy secondary, they could even...
Ann Kelsey: The secondary was fine till Dan Hampton tore his knee apart, isn't that correct, sir?
Jack Lewis: Dan Hampton is a lineman, lady, not a cornerback.
Ann Kelsey: But with him out, the line couldn't mount a legitimate pass rush, which left the secondary overexposed.
Jack Lewis: You can't blame it on the pass rush.
Ann Kelsey: No. That's right. You can't blame it on the pass rush, what you can blame it on is unforeseeable injuries.
Jack Lewis: They didn't lose anybody big.
Ann Kelsey: They lost Donnell Woolford in the second game. Armstrong sprained his ankle against Tampa Bay. Morrissey suffered a lacerated kidney, and have them miss the whole season.
Jack Lewis: Come on, they had all their big guys except for Hampton. The truth is, they considered it a rebuilding year. They traded McMahon for draft picks. They totally wrote of this year and they didn't tell us.
Ann Kelsey: You're not a shareholder, Mr. Lewis, you are just a fan.
Jack Lewis: I'm a Chicago Bears fan. You wanna screw with people? Go ahead. But you don't screw with the Chicago Bears fan. Not today, not ever.

Ann Kelsey: As Head of the Chicago Bears Public Relations Staff, do you feel that you made false representations concerning your team's potential?
Mark Johnson: No, of course not. We thought we had a legitimate shot at the Central Division, and without a few costly turnovers and key games, we would have made it.
Ann Kelsey: Thank you, sir. I have nothing further.
Mark Kumpel: 6 and 10, you stacked, didn't you?
Mark Johnson: It was a disappointing season.
Mark Kumpel: I have statements made by you to the press in August. "Man for man, this is a better team than the 85 club that won the Superbowl."
Mark Johnson: I was a little optimistic.
Mark Kumpel: Yes, what's interesting is what you said to the press after you lost to Cleveland on October 23rd. We always consider this a rebuilding year, you said that, didn't you?
Mark Johnson: Yes, I did.
Mark Kumpel: So you claim to have a team you can send to the Superbowl when in reality, you knew you had a team need of rebuilding?
Mark Johnson: I call that a little wishful thinking, that's all.
Mark Kumpel: I call that fraud.


"L.A. Law: Back to the Suture (#6.10)" (1992)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: He's been there 3 months?
Arnie Becker: According to Roxanne, who knew about this, Benny's been a pretty good parent. He even got the kid enrolled in school, that's a social services caught up with him. Benny couldn't show any proof of legal guardianship.
Stuart Markowitz: We're the real parents.
Arnie Becker: No father, mother's an alcoholic who abandoned him. The kid was living on the streets for 10 months.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, my God.
Arnie Becker: Look, I promise Benny we try to help get him back. Grace is going to handle it, since I could be a witness.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Wait a second. We're going to actually advocate that Benny keep this kid?
Grace Van Owen: Why not?
Ann Kelsey: What's wrong with that?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: He's mentally retarded.
Arnie Becker: I pledge this firm support, he gets it, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All right. But please. People, under no circumstances is this firm to assume guardianship responsibilities. On a more soothing note, I'm please to announce that no charges will be filed against Tommy Mullaney in the self defense shooting of John Harvey.
[Leland was surprised]
Stuart Markowitz: That must be a relief.
Tommy Mullaney: Yeah.
Grace Van Owen: I'm so surprised, they even considered it.
Tommy Mullaney: Thanks. Thanks, guys.

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh, where are we Malone vs. West Side Medical at all.
Ann Kelsey: Deposition start today.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Any settlement offer to our client?
Ann Kelsey: Nothing worth mentioning.
Leland McKenzie: How much?
Ann Kelsey: 25,000.
Leland McKenzie: Should realistic to hope for mortgage account?
Ann Kelsey: Client doesn't want to.
Leland McKenzie: Well, don't you think she should?
Ann Kelsey: We're more concerned with stopping this guy from operating on anybody else, it's only a matter of time for he kill someone.
Tommy Mullaney: Is that the client talking of you?
Jonathan Rollins: Besides, isn't this guy is so unlike the top orthopedic surgeon in the universe?
Ann Kelsey: I've got a client who came out of surgery paralyzed for life. And the scrub nurse who says it's something weird happened to the universe's top orthopedic surgeon in the operating room that day, I'm gonna find out what.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Good for you.
Arnie Becker: Good for her, Mister Settlement? Mister, take the money and run?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Excuse me, believe it or not, I haven't to think there are certain things more important than money.
Stuart Markowitz: Douglas, are you feeling okay?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm on your side, Ann.
Ann Kelsey: Thank you, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Now that concludes our business. We're adjourned.
[Stuart closes his not and Ann closed the notebook. The meeting is over. Leland is waiting for awhile]


"L.A. Law: Where There's a Will (#7.14)" (1993)
[Back in downtown Los Angeles. Opening the door is Stuart have a word with Ann]
Stuart Markowitz: So they agree on the sentiment?
Ann Kelsey: Then it will re-release the book with both their names, the profits to be donated to a scholarship fund.
Stuart Markowitz: All for a pair of star-crossed lovers. You know, I, uh, I work with the Shakespeare company once.
Ann Kelsey: Really?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, yeah, yeah. The, uh, some of them before law school.
Ann Kelsey: Lemme guess, Hamlet.
Stuart Markowitz: M-mm.
[Stuart chuckling]
Stuart Markowitz: I was the, uh, stage manager.
Ann Kelsey: Hmm.
Stuart Markowitz: You know. You need the sword, you need the bodkin, I'm your man.
Ann Kelsey: I've always loved your bodkin.
Stuart Markowitz: What about my sword?
[Ann laughing]
Ann Kelsey: What I want to know is, what would happen with us if I had made the first move?
Stuart Markowitz: You mean if you hadn't gone sloshed and drag me after your apartment?
Ann Kelsey: Yeah. You think you would have gone on like Camille and Simon just working side by side ever seeing the possibilities?
Stuart Markowitz: No way, I was gonna miss you. Not unless I was struck blind.
[Stuart laughing, Ann and Stuart hugged and kissed each other]

Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Bancroft vs. Bennett.
Ann Kelsey: Camille Bancroft, a Shakespeare Professor at Stanford is suing her colleague Simon Bennett for unfair competition.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Over Shakespeare?
Ann Kelsey: Simon Bennett and Camille Bancroft have taught together for years, not long ago he published his own book, based on their teaching method.
Stuart Markowitz: That's a great book. Shakespeare in Love. Won the Pulitzer Prize.
Ann Kelsey: Right. Deposition start today, and I was hoping to reach a settlement, but Simon and Camille are like stubborn children. They always have been.
Leland McKenzie: Do you know them?
Ann Kelsey: My first year at Stanford, I majored in drama. Overtime, I kept in touch with Camille.
Arnie Becker: Shakespeare's so depressing, I mean the lovers are always doomed.
Gwen Taylor: They're dead.
Melina Paros: That's why they call 'em tragedy.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All's well that ends well.
[Douglas closed his pocket watch that the time is up. The law meeting is adjourned]


"L.A. Law: The Beverly Hills Hangers (#5.15)" (1991)
Leland McKenzie: Ann, there is something bothering me. Rosalind proposed to me last night.
Ann Kelsey: Proposed what?
Leland McKenzie: Marriage. She asked me to marry her.
Ann Kelsey: [slightly shocked] She did? What did you say?
Leland McKenzie: I told her I would think about it. What do you think about me and Rosalind getting married?
Ann Kelsey: It's fine. You two make a cute... well, just an O.K. couple.
Leland McKenzie: Can you see yourself standing at our wedding?
Ann Kelsey: Yes, I'm sure it would be lovely.
Leland McKenzie: The truth, Ann.
Ann Kelsey: I would rather dive head-first into a bucket full of my own vomit!

Ann Kelsey: Leland, dating Rosalind Shays is one thing. Sleeping with her is another. But to exchage wedding vows with that... person who can shed skin and swallow large rats whole... and who can kill a man with just one venomous bite is beyond stupid!
Leland McKenzie: Ann! When I asked for your honest opinion, I didn't mean that honest.


"L.A. Law: Cold Shower (#7.16)" (1993)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Uh, can we get started?
Leland McKenzie: Just start, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm started. People vs. Matz.
[That's for Jonathan Rollins' while pouring to get a cup of coffee]
Jonathan Rollins: Yes. Yes. That's mine. Matz' has accused of selling stolen artwork to undercover cop. I'm pleading entrapment.
Melina Paros: That's a tough cell.
Daniel Morales: I know it is. You yet to stolen art in his position?
Jonathan Rollins: He did.
Daniel Morales: Any sold it to the cop?
Jonathan Rollins: Yep.
Melina Paros: So where's the entrapment?
Jonathan Rollins: Well, my client's gay. He claims to a fallen for the cop. He also claims that it was mutual, I'd say for the purposes of his trial at least that, uh, the cop seduce him.
Arnie Becker: In other words, it's your only shot.
Jonathan Rollins: Yes, right.
Ann Kelsey: Then it must me true.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: In the matter of Celeste Bauman.
Stuart Markowitz: Yes, that's me. Uh, Ms. Bauman has accompanied that markets' vitamins and dietary supplements, the IRS claims that she has under paid her taxes by some $800,000, and for some reason to being nasty about it.
Melina Paros: The IRS's nasty?
Stuart Markowitz: Celeste is gonna need little managing, but I think we can resolve it.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Gwen, you're observing on to this one, correct?
Gwen Taylor: Yep.

Roxanne Melman: Arnie, Jack Caller's here.
Arnie Becker: I gotta go.
[Ann finds out how Roxanne's been]
Ann Kelsey: How you're feeling, Roxanne?
Roxanne Melman: Pretty good.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Everything going all right? Visa V-V pregnancy?
Roxanne Melman: So far.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Good.
[Leland was so relieved about Roxanne's pregnancy. Arnie will be going and escorted out by Roxanne]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: How much paid leave are we on the hook forward this one?
Stuart Markowitz: 6 weeks.
Ann Kelsey: You wouldn't have a problem with that by any chance, would you, Douglas?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Oh, no. I think it's the least we can do.


"L.A. Law: That's Why the Lady Is a Stamp (#7.17)" (1993)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All right, folks, busy day today. Let's get on with it. The Craig Estate.
Leland McKenzie: I'll handle that myself, Douglas.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm available if you need me.
Leland McKenzie: Well, thank you. Given the length of time that I have known the family. I think Vivian would be more comfortable. She had to deal only with me.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving on. McAlister vs. the United States Postal Service.
Melina Paros: Brian McAlister's wife was shot and killed by a deranged co-worker.
Ann Kelsey: What's the cause of action?
Melina Paros: Wrongful death.
Jonathan Rollins: If the corks deranged, how do you get liability on the part of the Post Office?
Melina Paros: Negligent, supervision, together with a particularly high-stress work environment.
Arnie Becker: Excuse me, the Post Office is high stress?
Melina Paros: The way it's run now, it is.
Arnie Becker: Hey, delivering the mail is not high stress. This is high stress. What we do is high-stress.
Jonathan Rollins: And I think that at least a few of us here are probably deranged as a result of.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Melina, wasn't this matter supposed to be settled?
Melina Paros: It's not for want of trying that isn't, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Unfortunately, what that means for us is that you're going to be consumed with a trial.
Melina Paros: You worried about Southern Pacific statement.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You're right.
Leland McKenzie: What's the problem?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: The problem is we've been called in by the General Counsel to perfect an appeal and the clock is ticking.

Ann Kelsey: What's the lawsuit about?
Melina Paros: Discriminatory lending practices.
Daniel Morales: Hey, we're representing the bank?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Yes, we're representing the bank, and my hope is that we're representing the bank well enough that we get to represent other banks!
Leland McKenzie: All right, Douglas, calm down.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All I know is you better get some help.
Melina Paros: I will, Douglas. I will.
Gwen Taylor: I'm available.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Melina, this a complicated cases. Get some help.
[Gwen will be ready. So does Melina]


"L.A. Law: Smoke Gets in Your Thighs (#5.5)" (1990)
Ann Kelsey: Mr. Campbell, how did you meet Thomas Young?
James Campbell: On a blind date through a men-seeking-men collum in the LA Times. We both expected the worst. But to our surprise, the date went well and we ended up falling in love.
Ann Kelsey: Did you make a commitment to each other?
James Campbell: Yes. We tried to formalize that but the state of California would not give us a marriage license. We got married in a church in Hawaii on May 1, 1981, over two months after we first met.
Ann Kelsey: And you two have been living together ever since?
James Campbell: Yes. We bought a house outside San Francisco and we were very happy... until three years ago.
Ann Kelsey: What happened then?
James Campbell: We found out that Thomas had ALS. Lou Gehrig's disease. The doctors told us he was going to die within three to five years. Over the next two years, he became completely paralyzed.
James Campbell: Did you take care of him?
James Campbell: Yes.
Ann Kelsey: Would you tell the court what that entailed?
James Campbell: Mainly being with him at all times. Feeding him, bathing him. I'd of course empty his bed pan. Read to him. Stay up with him if he had a bad night. Make sure his friends came and saw him.
Ann Kelsey: How long have you been doing this?
James Campbell: For two-in-a-half years and I wanted to keep on doing it.
Ann Kelsey: What stopped you?
James Campbell: Four months ago while I was at work, Thomas parents whom I never met showed up out of the blue and they came to our house and took him away back to their home here in L.A.
Ann Kelsey: What happened after Thomas Young was taken back here to Los Angeles by his parents?
James Campbell: For several weeks, I tried to contact them. They refused to take my phone calls or speak to me. And they wouldn't answer my letters. Finally, their attorney over there, Ms. Carlton, contacted me and told me in a rude tone that I would never see Thomas again and if I tried, they would get a restraining order against me.
Ann Kelsey: Mr. Campbell, would you please tell this court why you are asking for conservertership of Thomas Young?
James Campbell: I love him. I've known him for nine years. He's my husband... at least on paper. I promised him that I would take care of him. I intend to keep that promise.


"L.A. Law: Bare Witness (#7.11)" (1993)
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, you gotta be aggressive of...
Stuart Markowitz: Let me get my coat.
A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney: Ann, I'm worried. Getting Stuart to talk about the attack was like pulling teeth, you saw that. Cigarette?
Ann Kelsey: No, thanks.
A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney: I tried to quit smoking.
Ann Kelsey: Stuart will be ready. Besides, we got another eyewitness.
A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney: Maureen Wilson?
Ann Kelsey: Yeah.
A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney: Frankly, I'm not sure how she'll hold up during cross.
Ann Kelsey: What about Adam Baybour? You spend 3 hours pepping his testimony.
A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney: Still all testifying.
Ann Kelsey: Hasn't the DA's office ever heard of a subpoena?
[Tommy checked that Stuart is coming]
Ann Kelsey: Sorry.
A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney: Lots of people were there watching your husband get played like a bungler drum. Check as always been finding someone to stand up to the gangs, and I.D. the suspects. I know how your feel. I went to bounds over for trial, too.
Stuart Markowitz: [Coming out] Okay.
[Looking at Stuart]
Stuart Markowitz: What?
Ann Kelsey: Nothing.
Stuart Markowitz: You want to remind me again how I'm suppose to perform in court?
Ann Kelsey: Stuart, that's not what I'm...
Stuart Markowitz: Like to train seal, Ann Kelsey's animal act.
A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney: Folks, we gonna be late.


"L.A. Law: Captain Hurt (#4.2)" (1989)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Since we can assume that Michael's loss to us for the duration of this trial. Victor, would you make sure that is more drab less newsworthy cases don't require immediate attention?
Victor Sifuentes: Will do.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ah, Benny, very good. Just set it down right here.
[Benny bought fresh fruit]
Ann Kelsey: Good god! Where the togas?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: People, you can't eat too much fresh fruit. I want the content to cleanse the gastrointestinal tract. Zero cholesterol. These are things, we need to pay attention to try though, we might to ignore them. In fact, I have instructed Benny to put fruit in all our offices.
Leland McKenzie: Thank you, Douglas. Can we move on with the meeting?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ah, Hammond vs. Hammond. Arnold?
Arnie Becker: Yeah. Hotshot architect walks out on wife and child, I should be able to carve out a major counsel fee. Whatever midsection.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You're here, having just seen the quarterly reports, whether we were all doing likewise.
Leland McKenzie: Yes, uh, Stuart, you might fill us in a few, these horrible tales.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, uh, have grossed income is down 11%, malpractice premiums are up again. And, uh, is this balloon payment due next month and the office renovations
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: We're sluggish and bloated. We need to be lean and mean. On that, we're adjourned.
[Douglas eating a fresh strawberry]


"L.A. Law: On the Toad Again (#5.21)" (1991)
Jack Sollers: It's still not too late to accept the plea, second degree. You'll probably get 20, it could be out on parole in 12.
Suzanne Hamel: But I didn't kill him.
Ann Kelsey: Suzanne, you'd repeatedly threaten to kill him. Fibers found on your clothing place you at the scene. Their case is going pretty well so far and we don't know what we can do for you.
Suzanne Hamel: You can stand up there and tell those people how much I loved Michael. You can tell them how I cherish his life more than I do my own. How would be inconceivable for me to committed such a crimes? It was the reason for my being. Make them understand that.
Jack Sollers: See that kind of talk does not help us, especially since their portraying you as obsessed.
Suzanne Hamel: Michael Walker was... an angel, worthy of any obsession or delusion. I didn't kill him. But please reject it. You get me an acquital.


"L.A. Law: Odor in the Court (#7.9)" (1993)
Tom: You've violated our trust.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I deserve a chance.
Jay: I don't want to be curt. But give me that vile.
Tom: Jay. Maybe we should try looking this with the new heart.
Jay: It's the fair moon talking, Tom.
Tom: Please.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I made a mistake. Curiosity got the better of this cat.
Jay: Stop making excuses.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm simply trying... trying to protect Ms. Kelsey. You see she's been having problems with her husband.
Ann Kelsey: Douglas, this is the lowest you have ever sunk. How dare you! Gentleman, perhaps it would be in your interest if you're represented by another firm.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ann!
Jay: You can take that to the bank because we're taking him to the cleaners.
Tom: We're suing for... What are we suing for?
Ann Kelsey: Embezzlement. Breach of fiduciary duties. Ethics charges.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Quit being so damn helpful.
Jay: Thank you. You're fired.
[Two clients Tom and Jay are leaving, but Douglas wants them to wait and have some explanation]


"L.A. Law: Bang... Zoom... Zap (#4.19)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Reynolds vs. Mendez. Stuart, you're really doing this?
Stuart Markowitz: Yep.
Rosalind Shays: He's heading Stuart into federal court, Michael?
Stuart Markowitz: I'm ready, Rosalind. For this case, I'm ready.
Michael Kuzak: As Stuart's been working his pants off on this.
Abby Perkins: Nervous?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, yeah.
Ann Kelsey: If he loses, it won't be for like a preparation, I can tell you that much.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm not gonna lose.


"L.A. Law: Second Time Around (#7.2)" (1992)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Next up. People vs. Brackman.
Tommy Mullaney: Well, we're no looting charges drop.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Yes, but a pesky disturbing the peace charges remains. One officer used in illegal choke hold, while escorting me to the paddy wagon. I express my outrage verbally, the elbow wasn't accident.
Leland McKenzie: Douglas, maybe you should pay the fine and be done with it.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: The City Attorney is stopping by this afternoon in since I have an eyewitness, he'll be forced to drop the charges.
Gwen Taylor: Would you mind if I observed? I'd like to see the process.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Bring a notebook. It should provide educational. Moving on. Osgood vs. the state of California.
Daniel Morales: That's my pro bono case. Leland, I still need to speak with you about this one.
Leland McKenzie: In my office right after this meeting.
Daniel Morales: I'll be there.
Leland McKenzie: And since we're on the subject to pro bono work, I'd like to congratulate you all on your commitment to rebuilding Los Angeles.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: While we're busy patting ourselves on the back, let me reiterate yesterday's message, McKenzie, Brackman numbers are at their lowest level in 6 years, we're losing out to a competition. Doesn't take 20/20 vision to know we may not land on our feet. If things don't turn around...
Tommy Mullaney: This is probably allows you time to be interviewing at the DA's office.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You bet it is.
Ann Kelsey: Just to be close to Zoey?
Tommy Mullaney: Oh, come on, Ann, it's bigger than that. And it's no secret, I've given a lot of thought.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: This makes our loss in our attacks and domestic litigation area seeming inconsequential.
Ann Kelsey: If that is a not so thinly veiled comment about my husband's job, you will be glad to know, that he's coming home today.
Tommy Mullaney: Goodness.
Gwen Taylor: Congratulations.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Stuart like myself was a victim of events beyond his control. Mr. Arnold Becker's disappearance on the the other hand? I mean who's kidding whom 5 months and nothing but a series of cryptic postcards around the world?
Leland McKenzie: It is puzzling.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Puzzling Adare responsible. The man is a partner in this firm. He owes it to us to the present and holding his own. Here's my witness.


"L.A. Law: Pilot (#1.1)" (1986)
Ann Kelsey: What's going on?
Roxanne Melman: Mr. Chaney's dead.
Ann Kelsey: Oh, no!
Roxanne Melman: Yep. I found him.


"L.A. Law: Happy Trails (#5.2)" (1990)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Aside from humiliating this firm, what you did boarded on fraud.
Murray Melman: I was just trying to help.
Ann Kelsey: That doesn't help. Passing yourself off as an attorney. Lying to the media, that doesn't help.
Murray Melman: I thought it sounded good. You see it.
Arnie Becker: Murray, you can't do that.
Murray Melman: So you don't want me to help?
Ann Kelsey: No.
Arnie Becker: No.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: No.
Murray Melman: You want me to pitch in?
Arnie Becker, Roxanne Melman: No.
Murray Melman: OK. OK. Just so I understand that. My help you never want.


"L.A. Law: I'm in the Nude for Love (#3.8)" (1989)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving along, Malay vs. Century Partners Limited.
Stuart Markowitz: That's actually, uh, Abby's case. I'm doing a little tax work on it for her.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Abby Perkins is hiring McKenzie, Brackman to work for her?
Stuart Markowitz: That is correct, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Am I assuming we're to be compensated for these services?
Stuart Markowitz: Also correct, you're assuming that.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ben Ray, Jamie Ferguson?
Victor Sifuentes: Doctor takes the stand today.
Ann Kelsey: How's it going, Victor?
Victor Sifuentes: It's rough, Ann. Real rough.
Michael Kuzak: This is the girl in the coma, right?
Victor Sifuentes: Mm-hmm.
Stuart Markowitz: Forgive me, but I can't see forcing anybody to stay alive like that.
Ann Kelsey: Euthanasia's illegal, Stuart. You can't just kill somebody because...
Arnie Becker: Even her parents want her to die.
Victor Sifuentes: So where do we draw the line? First we stop killing coma patients, and then what? Babies with down syndrome? Retarded people?
Jonathan Rollins: Come on, Victor, the woman's practically brain-dead. If your own parents wanna pull the plug, who are you to say no?
Leland McKenzie: Now we are representing the hospital. This is the firm's client, not just Victor's. Which means to the extent that this draws any questions from the press directed anyone of you, you recite the company line, your personal feelings aside. On-the-record, we stand committed to keeping Jamie Ferguson alive. On-the-record, the taking of a human life is wrong. That is the client's position therefore it is our position. Are we understood?
Arnie Becker: Yeah.
[Dorothy listen quietly]
Leland McKenzie: Good. Move along, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: That's it. We're adjourned.
[They are all dismissed with the Conference meeting]


"L.A. Law: Something Old, Something Nude (#6.1)" (1991)
[All filing in or getting coffee, including Castroverde minus Becker and Markowitz. C.J. passes Kelsey returning to the firm for the first time since her suspension at the end of the previous season; Kelsey's hair is now dyed dark red]
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Great hair.
Ann Kelsey: Thanks.
Leland McKenzie: Before we start, I have an announcement. For those of you who don't know, Abigail Perkins is no longer with the firm.
Ann Kelsey: What?
Jonathan Rollins: You're kidding.
Tommy Mullaney: Is she okay?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: She got a huge offer from McCann Jones, we couldn't match it, she resigned her partnership last night. And frankly, she couldn't have picked a worse time.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Doug, her father had a stroke. She's putting him in a nursing home which is gonna costs God knows how much. She needs some security.
Ann Kelsey: You knew about this?
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Uh-huh.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Since there's nothing we can do, I suggest we move on. I'd like to introduce our new associate, Bill Castroverde. Some of you are familiar with his talents as a litigator.
Tommy Mullaney: Familiar? He killed me.
Jonathan Rollins: Welcome to our side.
Bill Castroverde: Thanks. It's weird to be here.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: He'll be moving into Victor's old office. Second, a heartfelt welcome back to Ann Kelsey. Believe me, you were missed.
Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Ann's here?
Jonathan Rollins: All right. It's about time.
[Tommy applause to Kelsey since her more than three months suspension]
Ann Kelsey: It's good to be back.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Too bad Stuart can't say the same.
Ann Kelsey: He's with Matthew. Amalia quit two days ago and we've been going crazy trying to replace her.


"L.A. Law: P.S. Your Shrink Is Dead (#6.17)" (1992)
Ann Kelsey: [Arriving home] You shouldn't be too late tonight, Maritza, the wedding starts at 3:00.
Maritza Delano: Matthew, we're home. We're home. Yeah. And I have a wonderful gift for you.
INS Agent Sanchez: Excuse me. Are you Maritza Delano?
Maritza Delano: Si.
Ann Kelsey: I'm Ann Kelsey. This is my house. What's going on here?
INS Agent Gruber: Agent Gruber. This is Agent Sanchez. Immigration and Naturalization Service.
INS Agent Sanchez: We see your identification and your work permit, Mrs. Delano.
Maritza Delano: Señora.
INS Agent Gruber: Let's go.
Ann Kelsey: Uh, wait a minute. Do you have a warrant?
INS Agent Gruber: Why don't you and your son just go inside, Mrs. Kelsey, and let us do our job?
Ann Kelsey: Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm an attorney, Agent Grubber. This is not great state. We have civilized procedure is to handle this sort of thing.
INS Agent Gruber: The INS believes that Mrs. Delano is in this country illegally. She can't produce legitimate ID. She'd be deported.
Ann Kelsey: Millions of dollars of drugs boarding across our borders, you guys are out nousting nannies.
INS Agent Gruber: Step aside, Mrs. Kelsey.
Ann Kelsey: Don't you threatening me.
Maritza Delano: Señora, yo me pa por favor!
INS Agent Gruber: You're under arrest, Mrs. Kelsey, for obstructing justice and suspicion of employ illegal aliens.
Ann Kelsey: [Ann Kelsey protesting] Are you kidding me? What? The Constitution, for God's sakes, the Bill of Rights!
[Matthew crying]
Ann Kelsey: Don't cry, sweetie. We just going for a ride with these nice men. It's okay.
[Matthew continues crying. Two INS Agents are taking Ann Kelsey into custody with her son Matthew and Maritza Delano and drive their car]


"L.A. Law: To Live and Diet in L.A. (#3.7)" (1989)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Moving along, has anyone heard from the long lost Mr. Kuzak?
Victor Sifuentes: I have.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: And? Is he pondering the error of his ways?
Victor Sifuentes: Yeah, I think so. He's planning to go fishing.
Arnie Becker: Life's a bitch, ain't it?
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Victor, where are we on Jacobs vs. Teller?
Victor Sifuentes: I'm deposing Mr. Teller this morning.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Jonathan, the deforest motion?
Jonathan Rollins: Still pending.
Leland McKenzie: Well... who's the judge on that one?
Jonathan Rollins: Steven Lang.
Leland McKenzie: Well, let me see. Let me call his clerk.
[Leland will telephone to Judge Lang's clerk]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Ms. Wyler, how go to the McNally Interrogatories?
Dorothy Wyler: The responses have all been drafted and sent to the client for his review. I'm getting his notes this afternoon and the revisions will be ready for his signature tomorrow morning.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Very good. Very good!
Secretary: Ms. Kelsey, there's a collect call for you.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Excuse me?
Ann Kelsey: I'll take it.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Lastly, having been accused in past years of stinting on our Christmas festivities, I gladly bow to majority will and relinquish control of our annual party to our crock financial watchdog, Stuart Markowitz. Well, the final figures of our 1988 party are in. And his able hands, we soared passed our budget by a full 41%.
Stuart Markowitz: Excuse me, Douglas.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: It was a joke.


"L.A. Law: Finish Line (#8.22)" (1994)
Stuart Markowitz: The fact that he's in today. Should tell you most of what you need to know.
Ann Kelsey: What does that tell you?
Stuart Markowitz: Well, he was only out 3 days. That's to tell you that there was no invasive surgery. And that's to tell you there was no metastasized tumor.
Eli Levinson: How do you know so much about this?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, I've been in consultation all week. Uh, very good friend of mine wanna believing urologist out here spoken with him. I've spoken with Mel Silverblatt when you know he's at sloan-ketting.
Patrick Flanagan: You convinced his prostate cancer?
Stuart Markowitz: Oh, absolutely prostate.
Denise Iannello: Well, look just so I know, what a student surprise birthday party, I've got a lot of organizing to do.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Let's see how he is when it comes in.
Ann Kelsey: Maybe it's his 65th Birthday, that merit to celebrate with some sort, no matter how he is.
Stuart Markowitz: I'm sure he's fine.
[Leland have arrived]
Eli Levinson: Leland, welcome back.
Leland McKenzie: Thank you. Uh, carry on.


"L.A. Law: The Venus Butterfly (#1.9)" (1986)
[Becker, Markowitz, and Kelsey are loudly arguing over which one of them will get the late Norman Chaney's office]
Arnie Becker: I had dibs on this office the day he croaked!
Stuart Markowitz: Forget it, Arnie! It doesn't work that way!
Ann Kelsey: You move in here Arnie, and I will scratch the paint off your Porsche!
[McKenzie enters]
Leland McKenzie: SHUT UP!
[Becker, Markowitz and Kelsey are now silent]
Leland McKenzie: Do you realize that your bickering can be heard throughout the complex? Keep this in mind: if you three cannot find some mature and intelligent matter in which to settle this within the next three minutes, this office will be turned into a conference room!
[McKenzie exits and closes the office door shut]
Arnie Becker: All right. Under the circumstances and given the absence of time, there is only one way to settle this.
Ann Kelsey: What?
[Becker removes his suit jacket and holds out his clenched fists]
Stuart Markowitz: Arnie!
Arnie Becker: Come on, we haven't got a lot of time. Get 'em out there. Get them out!
[Markowitz and Kelsey hold out their fists and it is shown that they are playing 'potatos']
Arnie Becker: One potato/two potato/three potato/four. Five potato/six potato/seven potato/more.
[to Kelsey]
Arnie Becker: Out. One potato/two potato/three potato/more. Five potato/six potato/seven potato... more.
Stuart Markowitz: [to Becker; smirks] Out.


"L.A. Law: Whatever Happened to Hannah? (#4.13)" (1990)
Rosalind Shays: Is your dislike for me that strong?
Ann Kelsey: It's getting there.
Rosalind Shays: Well, I've done some of my best work with fellow lawyers who despise me, so we're off to a good start.
Ann Kelsey: Fine. You want to keep this between you and me, you got a deal. I work here, you work here, and I'll respect our feelings to stay private. But get one thing straight: you don't scare me. And if you do anything to undermine me with the rest of this firm, I will bury you. Don't take you on? Don't you take me on.


"L.A. Law: Wine Knot (#7.4)" (1992)
[Ann Kelsey, Alec Weston, and Gwen Taylor heads to Ms. Kelsey's office privately]
Alec Weston: So what are you saying, if we go to court Elaine could win?
Gwen Taylor: Or the way the partnership ex-structured, your wife wants 50%.
Ann Kelsey: This was a risk going in, we want to avoid having a judge rule accompanied be sold.
Alec Weston: I'm not liquidating a business I spend over half my life building. Elaine wants Weston Realty. I want the kids.
Ann Kelsey: You told me you didn't want custody.
Alec Weston: Elaine will do anything to keep her children.
Ann Kelsey: They are your children, too, not bargaining chips.
Alec Weston: I will not pay to be lectured. I hired McKenzie, Brackman to protect my interest.
Ann Kelsey: Do you have any grounds for custodial dispute?
Alec Weston: Elaine had an affair last year?
Ann Kelsey: Extramarital affairs or not.
Alec Weston: It's our next door neighbor's son. He was 19 years old at the time. I have the loved letters he send to Elaine.
[Knocking on the door. Gwen opened the door is Roxanne reporting]
Roxanne Melman: Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, Ann, it's Stuart and Benny. They're missing.
[Ann is worried]
Ann Kelsey: Uh... If you're excuse me.
[Ann has to go and find Benny and Stuart]


"L.A. Law: Mutinies on the Banzai (#5.17)" (1991)
Leland McKenzie: [Returning here at the Conference room meeting] What's this about?
Michael Kuzak: The Partners excluding Douglas have a proposal that we'd like to offer formally pursuant to Article 11, Section 3 of the Partnership Agreement.
Leland McKenzie: I wasn't aware that you even read the partnership agreement, Michael.
[Michael will proposal it to Stuart who would read the letter]
Michael Kuzak: Stuart?
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah. "9 weeks ago, the partners have this firm convened to address you, Leland McKenzie with our concerns regarding your leadership for this law firm. You responded to these concerns by appointing Douglas Brackman as Pro Temp Senior Partner for a 6 week period, while you attended to expanding our client base. No such expansion occurred. Now after 9 weeks, you have unilaterally extended Douglas as Senior Partner tenure to open-ended term, again without consulting the other partners you made a designation which affects all our interests, we feel we have no choice now but to call on you and the Executive Committee, schedule a new vote. Which vote would serve to either confirm your position or intern elect a new Senior Partner. Signed, Michael Kuzak, Arnold Becker, Stuart Markowitz, Ann Kelsey, and Grace Van Owen".
Leland McKenzie: Why you obviously all gotten together here. Who do you plan to vote in?
[the decision is their to decide. Either one. Ann choose is Michael]
Ann Kelsey: Michael.
Michael Kuzak: Douglas will remain as Administrative Partner. Leland, you would go to being up Counsel.
Leland McKenzie: You think you can just push me up?
Grace Van Owen: This isn't a push, Leland. It's a proposal.
Michael Kuzak: This is your firm. The decision is yours. Will abide by it. Which is what you know.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: This is an ambush.
Ann Kelsey: It's not an ambush. We are all on the same side. We all want what's best for the firm.
Leland McKenzie: Do any of you think you really know how to run a firm? It is in all just trying cases and... and collecting fee is a hell a lot more involved!
Michael Kuzak: Again, Leland, we're not pushing you out. To the contrary, we would be counting on your guidance in making the transition to the new leadership.
Leland McKenzie: You go straight to hell, Michael!
[Leland heads back to his office. And what's Douglas' decision?]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I take that as a no.


"L.A. Law: Parent Trap (#7.12)" (1993)
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Anybody know the whereabouts of our Mr. Morales?
Gwen Taylor: He had a pro bono arraignment this morning.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Then let's begin. First, People vs. Emory Lewis and Gary Stubbs. I should hope those animals who beat you will finally get convicted.
Stuart Markowitz: Unfortunately, the eyewitness backed out, she's afraid of reprisals from neighborhood kids if she testify.
Ann Kelsey: That shouldn't affect our case. Stuart was really convincing at the prelim health do even better at trial tomorrow.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Next. Marciante vs. Bernheim Memorial Hospital.
Jonathan Rollins: That's mine. Anthony Marciante's girlfriend is brain dead after the automobile accident. She's also 18 weeks pregnant.
Gwen Taylor: And being used as an incubator to bring the baby to a term, I caught those stories in the news, that's grotesque.
Jonathan Rollins: We're seeking a court order to keep her body functioning long enough to deliver the baby. However, the girlfriend's mother wants to pull the plug and bury your daughter.
Arnie Becker: Well, I agree, the woman's dead, for God's sake.
Jonathan Rollins: Arnie, we're talking about a potential human life. Mr. Marciante wants to be a father.
Gwen Taylor: You should have thought about that before driving himself and his girlfriend off the road drunk.
Ann Kelsey: He killed her and now he wants to...
Jonathan Rollins: It was an accident.
Stuart Markowitz: He's still has rights.
Arnie Becker: So's the girl's mother.
Melina Paros: What about the baby?
Leland McKenzie: All right, folks, we're all in the same team.
[But Daniel Morales has arrived late in the meeting]
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Mr. Morales? Honor that you can join us? How's the arraignment?
Daniel Morales: Um, People vs. Alejandro Cruz, he's charged with the shooting a news vender who refuse to pay protection money.
Leland McKenzie: Any extenuating circumstances, Daniel?
Daniel Morales: No, Leland, not really, I'm trying to have Cruz tried in the Juvenile, but right now that's looking doubtful.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Well, if there's no other business. We're adjourned.
[Douglas closed his gold hunter case from the pocket watch that the time is up]


"L.A. Law: Dummy Dearest (#3.6)" (1988)
Abby Perkins: So what's new on the fertility front?
Ann Kelsey: We met with a baby broker yesterday.
Abby Perkins: Ann, that's wonderful.
Ann Kelsey: Abb, I'm 38 years old. I've never even changed the diaper.
Abby Perkins: It's easy.
Ann Kelsey: What if we get one of those colicky babies that cries all night and never sleeps? And what happens if they get sick? I mean it's not as if they can tell you what's bothering them. What about crib death?
Abby Perkins: Ann, stop. Don't worry about things you can't control.
Ann Kelsey: I guess I just always thought that I'd have nine months of pregnancy to learn how to accept a baby and love it. But I'm not going to be pregnant. What if I don't love this baby?
Abby Perkins: You may be terrified right now, but the first that you hold this little, tiny, helpless baby in your arms, you'll fall in love. And within 24 hours you won't be able to imagine your world without it.


"L.A. Law: Beauty and Obese (#2.13)" (1988)
Jonathan Rollins: [on TV] No, no Gina. That just they way they are.
Gina Westland: It's sounds like they're incompetent.
Jonathan Rollins: No, not incompetent, just amusing. We have one partner I won't mention names but... it's Brackman! He keeps having extramarital affairs. He even slept with his female bailiff when he was a small claims court judge.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: [watching on the TV] Oh, God! OH, GOD!
Jonathan Rollins: [on the TV] And our divorce lawyer Arnold Becker beds down with around 90% of his female clients.
Arnie Becker: [watching the TV] Son of a bitch!
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: He's fired!
Jonathan Rollins: [on TV] And we have two partners, Ann Kelsey and Stuart Markowitz, that sleep with each other.
Gina Westland: Come on!
Jonathan Rollins: They are married, but I heard it was a shotgun wedding.
Ann Kelsey: That bastard!
Stuart Markowitz: I'll kill him!
Jonathan Rollins: [on TV] But you know what really gets me? It's that none of them... NONE of them can tell the difference between a live broadcast... and a videotaped gag. Gotcha!
Arnie Becker: What the...?
Jonathan Rollins: [on the TV to the lawyers] I know I got you!


"L.A. Law: God Is My Co-Counsel (#8.14)" (1994)
Stuart Markowitz: It's still brooding. Why you still brooding?
Ann Kelsey: I'm not brooding.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, you are. Ever since I said whatever was I said about you dress, you're beautiful on brew.
[Stuart comforts Ann sitting alone]
Ann Kelsey: It was a painful thing to hear, Stuart.
Stuart Markowitz: Mine. You know they still have desire for you, don't you?
Ann Kelsey: I guess I don't know it as much as I used to know it.
Stuart Markowitz: Yeah, well, there's a lot of things that aren't there used to be, huh?
[Stuart take a seat and talk with Ann for a minute]
Ann Kelsey: Like what else?
Stuart Markowitz: Like one's desire doesn't come to the fore as often as I used to. We work hard all day. You got the kid at home. Retired. Our stamina has to what it used to be.
[Ann turned to her husband]
Ann Kelsey: I don't wanna require stamina, Stuart. I don't want our marriage to be something that we endure.
Stuart Markowitz: Why do you read these vast gloomy passages and everything I say? There will be periods of time when the fire is out. Yes. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean I don't desire you. It probably does mean that I'm tired.
Ann Kelsey: Fine.
Stuart Markowitz: And now she says fine. And now she is not gonna let up on me. Because I haven't demonstrated the requisite amount of sympathy, or passion, or whatever the hell it is, I'm suppose to demonstrate.
[Stuart gets up and walk]
Stuart Markowitz: I'll tell you something , Honey, demonstrations are passion, you're suppose to arise spontaneously. And it doesn't help matters that I live in fear offending you all the time. That I think you're gonna jump down my throat. Every time I might make an inappropriate remark. Think about that. And think about what you might have done. If the fire's out, to put it out.
[Stuart walks away. And Ann looks shock]