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Quotes for
Ralph Raccoon (Character)
from The Christmas Raccoons (1980) (TV)

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"The Raccoons: A Night to Remember (#1.3)" (1985)
Cedric: [When the guys get to the fort] That's it? That's the fort you guys have been bragging about?
Ralph: Well... I guess it does need a little work here and there.
Cedric: A *little* work? It needs an architectural firm!

Ralph: Well Cedric, those beans ought to hold you till morning.
Cedric: They'll hold me for a month!


"The Raccoons: Going It Alone! (#1.2)" (1985)
Melissa: You know, Bert. I think we should have a little talk.
Bert: Talk? Ohhh... Let's ride!
Ralph: What Melissa wants to talk about, Bert is... our private time.
Bert: Our private time? But Ralph, I love our private time! Why I even love our private time when Melissa is with us too!
Melissa: [peeved] Ohhhh... I meant *our* Private time!
Bert: Oh.
Melissa: Well, you said it yourself; We eat together, we work together, we do everything *together*!
[Bert hangs his head]
Melissa: You're *never* on your own. Why, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were *afraid* to be by yourself!
Bert: [Offended now] Afraid? Me, Afraid? *Bert Raccoon*?
[scoffs]
Bert: Huh! Afraid to be alone!
[Proudly]
Bert: Why, I'm not afraid of anything! I even go to sleep without a nightlight!


"The Raccoons: Rumours! (#1.10)" (1986)
Ralph: [Cyril accidentally crashes Melissa and Ralph's play, thinking that the real royal family were showing up, Ralph whispers aside to Melissa] What's going on?
Melissa: [whispering] I don't know, Ralph. But make like it's part of the play. The show must go on!
[to Audience]
Melissa: I have the most wonderful news! The royal family is coming to our forest!
Ralph: [playing along] The royal family? Coming to our forest? How soon do they arrive?
Cyril: Er, um, I don't know. They should be here in a few minutes... unless they stopped for some last minute shopping!
Ralph: What? Er, last minute shopping?
Melissa: They're coming to bestow a special honour on one of our own! It's to be a surprise!
Cyril: You're telling me.
Ralph: Er, what brings you, fair knight, to our forest?
Cyril: I was just in the neighbourhood... I er... I just thought I'd drop by.
[he slips and falls over, causing the audience to laugh]


"The Raccoons: Double Play! (#2.1)" (1987)
Bert: Me without Cedric is like peanut butter without bananas, campfires without marshmallows...
Ralph: [to Schaeffer] Bert without a messy room!


"The Raccoons: The Evergreen Grand Prix (#1.4)" (1985)
Ralph: [after learning of Cyril's plans to tear down the forest for his car factory] This could be the end of the forest as we know it!
Melissa: This could be the end of our way of life!
Bert: hey! This could be the beginning of a brand new career!


"The Raccoons: Cry Wolf! (#1.9)" (1986)
Bert: What did I tell you? See, see? I bet that guy has a submachine gun!
Ralph: That's a violin case, Bert.
Bert: But they always put machine guns in violin cases! Everyone knows that!