Det. Ron Harris
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Quotes for
Det. Ron Harris (Character)
from "Barney Miller" (1974)

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"Barney Miller: Snow Job (#1.3)" (1975)
Det. Ron Harris: [talking on the phone] Hey, Engine Room? Hey, what's the matter with you guys? It's 26 degrees up here. Hey, I wasn't meant for this type of weather, baby.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Tell him my blood is turning to slush.
Det. Ron Harris: [on the phone] Hey, don't give me "energy crisis," man! How would you like it if we quit and left your loved ones unprotected?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Very well put.
Det. Ron Harris: [on the phone] Hey, baby, it is cold up here.
[another phone rings and Yemana answers it]
Det. Ron Harris: [on the first phone] Yeah, well, if we don't get some heat up here, we're gonna start breaking up the furniture and burning it.

Det. Ron Harris: [talking on the phone] Hey, Engine Room, what's the matter with you guys? Turn the heat down! The humidity's murder up here! We can't even get the stamps to stick to the envelopes.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Wish I could say the same for my shorts.
Det. Ron Harris: [mocking Yemana's voice] Very well put.

"Barney Miller: Good-Bye, Mr. Fish: Part 2 (#4.2)" (1977)
Det. Ron Harris: I'll call the twinkie mobile
Capt. Barney Miller: Harris, watch those euphemisms, huh

Det. Ron Harris: Bellevue, this is Harris we have a customer for the enchanted kingdom.

"Barney Miller: Quarantine: Part 2 (#3.3)" (1976)
Capt. Barney Miller: Did you fix yourself up with a place to sleep?
Det. Ron Harris: Yeah, but I ain't gonna make it tonight, Barney.

"Barney Miller: Hash (#3.11)" (1976)
Capt. Barney Miller: Here, take these down to the lab; have 'em analyzed, fast.
[Harris takes a bite out of a brownie]
Capt. Barney Miller: *Not THAT way!*
Det. Ron Harris: Uh... I think they got hash in 'em, Barn.
Capt. Barney Miller: *Hash?*
Det. Ron Harris: I mean the way that I FEEL.

"Barney Miller: Bus Stop (#3.4)" (1976)
Capt. Barney Miller: [a grumpy Captain Miller approaches Harris' desk] What about you? How about my arrest reports for last month?
Det. Ron Harris: I'm working on them, Barney, but I got stuck on something.
Capt. Barney Miller: Oh, what?
Det. Ron Harris: [Turning to his typewriter] Well, this: "The suspect then turned on Officer Sloane and attacked him with..." I need a word that means "savage," but in a premeditated way.
Capt. Barney Miller: Use that.
Det. Ron Harris: [Shaking his head] Too awkward.
Capt. Barney Miller: [Frustrated] This is an arrest report, not a literary masterpiece, c'mon!
Det. Ron Harris: People downtown have come to expect something more when they see my name on a report.
Capt. Barney Miller: Forget your reputation - gimme the report!
Det. Ron Harris: Okay, Barney, but I'm gonna use my psuedonym.

"Barney Miller: Fog (#6.22)" (1980)
Capt. Barney Miller: After remembering the guys he started out with: My God, I'm starting to sound like Luger!
Det. Ron Harris: Don't worry. We caught it early.

"Barney Miller: Liquidation (#7.22)" (1981)
Det. Ron Harris: Barney, you are looking at one mad nigger.

"Barney Miller: Chinatown: Part 1 (#8.11)" (1982)
Lt. Ben Scanlon: Harris! How's things down in Funkytown?
Det. Ron Harris: Oh, dey fine, dey fine!

"Barney Miller: Open House (#5.20)" (1979)
Vincent Carew: I wet the bed until I was seventeen!
Det. Ron Harris: You're the arsonist.

"Barney Miller: The Courtesans (#1.5)" (1975)
Puerto Rican Hooker: [to Harris about Chano] Do I have to go with him again?
Det. Ron Harris: Uh, no, we're desegregated here.
Puerto Rican Hooker: He's always picking on me because I'm Puerto Rican, you know?
Det. Ron Harris: Well, you see, that's because Chano feels that Puerto Rican ladies are very special.
Puerto Rican Hooker: Me, too. You know, I make more money than they all do.

"Barney Miller: Doomsday (#2.1)" (1975)
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: [looking in the newspaper] It's funny, ain't it?
Det. Ron Harris: What's that?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: There's no weather report in the paper.
Det. Ron Harris: Maybe we ain't gonna have any.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Must be the spray cans, you know? The weatherman can't see through all that underarm deodorant up in the clouds.