Det. Stan Wojciehowicz
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Quotes for
Det. Stan Wojciehowicz (Character)
from "Barney Miller" (1974)

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"Barney Miller: Bureaucrat (#1.7)" (1975)
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: People gotta learn they can't play fast and loose with the law.
Capt. Barney Miller: You do what you have to do. You take the consequences of your actions.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: It's like you and me against the world.
Capt. Barney Miller: Those are frightening odds, Wojo.

Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: [noticing his sandwich] Look what I found. There's a dead fly in my sandwich. Right in the middle of my egg salad.
Capt. Barney Miller: You sure it's a fly?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: It's a little piece of olive.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Since when do olives have wings?
Det. Phil Fish: When they die and go to heaven.

Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Hey, Wojo, what're we gonna do about lunch from now on?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Hey, we do what we have to do, and then we take the consequences for our actions.


"Barney Miller: Graft (#1.4)" (1975)
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Hey, Barney? If a police officer loses his badge, does he report it to his superior or just wait til somebody turns it in?
Capt. Barney Miller: He reports it to his superior officer.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: I lost my badge.

Inspector Kelly: Hey, Wojo! I got a great new Polack joke for you.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Wonderful.
[covers his ears]
Inspector Kelly: You heard.
[Wojo nods]


"Barney Miller: Experience (#1.2)" (1975)
Captain Barney Miller: [Barney and Wojo are using the phone at the same time while standing right next to each other. Barney was put on hold] Come on! Come on!
Wojo: Hello?
Captain Barney Miller: Hello, Bomb Disposal?
Wojo: No, it's Wojciehowitz.
Captain Barney Miller: Get off the line. I'm trying to get Bomb Disposal.
Wojo: Who's this?
Captain Barney Miller: Barney!
Wojo: Oh, hey, Barn, whattya need?
Captain Barney Miller: GET OFF THE LINE!

Detective Wilson: [seeing a case, in which the explosive is contained] Hey, who belongs to this case?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: It ain't mine.
Wojo: Fish, maybe.
Detective Wilson: Oh, yeah, it must be Fish's. It's too classy for you guys.
[Wojo gives Wilson a Bronx cheer]
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Very well put.


"Barney Miller: Tunnel (#4.10)" (1977)
[Yemana is reading an article in the newspaper for a horse race involving a horse named Pick-Me-Nick]
Wojo: Do you think it's an omen?
Yemana: Omen? It's practically an order.

[Wojo is recalling what happened when he was clinically dead]
Wojo: It was kinda peaceful. And I think I might've heard these voices.
Dietrich: Of course you did; you were lying on the phone lines.


"Barney Miller: The Courtesans (#1.5)" (1975)
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: No lady sleeps with a man for money. What brings you up here, Mrs. Miller?
Elizabeth Miller: I came to get a check from Barney.

Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: What year were you born?
Linda Fuller: Early '50s.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Can't you be more specific?
Linda Fuller: 1947.


"Barney Miller: Snow Job (#1.3)" (1975)
[Wojo is putting the store payroll in the safe]
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: [looking at safe] What's the combination on this thing? I forgot it again.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: One to the left, two to the right, three to the left, four to the right.
Det. Phil Fish: That's the way to do the Varsity Drag.


"Barney Miller: Heat Wave (#2.5)" (1975)
[Wojo is trying to open a window that won't budge]
Det. Phil Fish: You'll never open that window. They nailed it down in 1932, on the day this building was condemned.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: I can't breathe in here, Fish. Room's like a oven.


"Barney Miller: The Baby Broker (#5.5)" (1978)
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: [irritated, but holding his temper] Go ahead and take a seat.
Harold Adelman: [a little cynical] Are we required to?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: If you want to sit down, yeah.


"Barney Miller: Good-Bye, Mr. Fish: Part 2 (#4.2)" (1977)
Det. Phil Fish: [Bringing in prisoner] Get in there and don't be a wise guy!
Harold Sanders: I'm not a wise guy, I guess I'm just scared.
Capt. Barney Miller: How'd it go?
Harold Sanders: [about hold up] It was going' good until these guys showed up.
Det. Phil Fish: Harold Sanders, Barney, he robbed a liquor store on 14th street.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Yeah, ya really shoulda been there Barn. The guy came out just as we got there and 'ol Fish just chased him down the street, jumped on him a got his face down to the sidewalk.
Harold Sanders: That guy almost broke my arm!
Det. Phil Fish: [Grinning] Yeah he was fightin' like a tiger.
Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo, book him.
Det. Phil Fish: No,no,no... 'I'll' do it.
Harold Sanders: That old guy really 'loves' his work don't he?
Det. Phil Fish: Old guy? Sit over here... I'll give you old guy, SIT DOWN! As long as there's punks out there like you, I'll be here in this room and at that desk! So you watch yourself!... old guy. When I'm too old to take care of a guy like you...
Capt. Barney Miller: Fish. Can I see you in my office?
Det. Phil Fish: [Mutters under breath then says] ... seen a million punks like that.
[Grins at Yemana]
Det. Phil Fish: ... and I'll see a million more, right?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: [to Sanders] Over here.
Harold Sanders: [Disturbed by Fish's behavior] That guy's not normal.


"Barney Miller: Stakeout (#1.6)" (1975)
Harry Tannenbaum: When the temperature gets over 90, the crazies come out of the cracks. Believe me, I know.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Then why don't you buy a gun?
Harry Tannenbaum: I made a deal with the mayor. I don't buy guns, and cops don't sell corned beef.