Carolyn Stoddard
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Quotes for
Carolyn Stoddard (Character)
from Dark Shadows (2012)

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Dark Shadows (2012)
Carolyn Stoddard: [sees Barnabas for the first time] Are you stoned or something?
Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.
[to Willie]
Barnabas Collins: When did they start allowing women of the night on the estate grounds?

Carolyn Stoddard: [about Barnabas] He's not staying with us forever, is he?
David Collins: I like him.

Carolyn Stoddard: [about the planned ball] I have to hand it to you. This is a happening. I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper.
Barnabas Collins: Perhaps you should go and acquaint yourself with the evening's entertainment.
[At the ball, he sees who Alice Cooper really is]
Barnabas Collins: ...ugliest woman I've ever seen.

Carolyn Stoddard: I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you.
Barnabas Collins: Do not fear, my child. I simply seek advice on the art of courting a woman of this time... Land. And who better to tutor me than a woman of your age? What is your age, if I may?
Carolyn Stoddard: Fifteen.
Barnabas Collins: Fifteen and no husband. You must put those birthing hips to good use at once lest your womb shrivel up and die.
Carolyn Stoddard: You're weird.
Barnabas Collins: But do you think me too weird for a woman of this... land?
Carolyn Stoddard: You obviously mean Vicky.
Barnabas Collins: She has the most fertile birthing hips I have ever laid eyes upon.
Carolyn Stoddard: You're way too weird.
Barnabas Collins: Do you really think so?
Carolyn Stoddard: You're all stiff, proper and old-fashioned.
Barnabas Collins: And Victoria... Is she not proper?
Carolyn Stoddard: She likes to pretend she's rock 'n' roll. She's a Carpenters kind of chick for sure.
Barnabas Collins: Do you mean to say that she has a penchant for woodworkers?
Carolyn Stoddard: The Carpenters are musicians, stupid.
Barnabas Collins: Ah, music. Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I am a picker, I am a grinner / I am a lover and I am a sinner / I play my music in the sun" If only Shakespeare had been as eloquent.
Carolyn Stoddard: Okay. If you wanna get with her, you're gonna have to change your approach. Drop the whole weird Swinging London thing and hang out with a few normal people.

Barnabas Collins: I seek advice on the art of courting a woman of this time.
Carolyn Stoddard: You obviously mean Vicky.
Barnabas Collins: She has the most fertile birthing hips I've ever set eyes upon.
Carolyn Stoddard: You're weird.
Barnabas Collins: [mistakenly flattered] You really think so?

David Collins: Carolyn touches herself. She makes noises like a kitten.
Carolyn Stoddard: [to David] You little shit!

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Children, get away from that man!
David Collins: He said his name was Barnabas Collins.
Carolyn Stoddard: And I'm pretty sure he called me a hooker.

Carolyn Stoddard: You're all stiff and proper and old-fashioned.
Barnabas Collins: And Victoria? Is she not proper?
Carolyn Stoddard: She likes to pretend she's rock'n'roll, but she's a Carpenters kind of chick for sure.
Barnabas Collins: Do you mean to say that she has a penchant for woodworkers?
Carolyn Stoddard: The Carpenters are musicians, stupid.
Barnabas Collins: Ahhh, music... Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover and I'm a sinner. I play my music in the sun."

Carolyn Stoddard: Leave us alone!
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Carolyn? Carolyn, my God!
Carolyn Stoddard: I'm a werewolf, okay? Let's not make a big deal out of it. Woof!

Carolyn Stoddard: Woof.
[attacks Angelique]


House of Dark Shadows (1970)
Carolyn Stoddard: We were all very surprised that you've decided to settle in Collinsport.
Barnabas Collins: When you know me better, you won't be.

Carolyn Stoddard: I'm beginning to wonder, cousin Barnabas, if I shall ever know you at all. There's so much about you... that I'm dying to know.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.214" (1967)
[last lines]
Carolyn Stoddard: [regarding Barnabas] It's more than a resemblance. It's almost as if it were exactly a portrait of him.

Roger Collins: All right, Kitten. I'll get out my score pad and you can catch me up on the number of guests we have now ensconced here.
Carolyn Stoddard: Well, Jason is still here.
Roger Collins: Check.
Carolyn Stoddard: But, uh, Willie Loomis has gone.
Roger Collins: Oh, bravo. You can't keep the jet set down, can you? Did he accept an invitation from the Prince and Princess of Monaco or could he simply not stand another one of Mrs. Johnson's famous boiled dinners?


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.161" (1967)
Carolyn Stoddard: Sometimes I wish we'd just close up this house and get away from this town. I get so tired of being a Collins of Collinsport. Look at my mother. She married my father, a Stoddard, but she never stopped being a Collins. Now I can't either. She's left it all to me.

Dr. Peter Guthrie: Well, the physical part of your mother's examination has been completed. And now I'll examine the psychic part. The part that relates only to her mind. You see, in, uh, in parapsychology, we deal with extrasensory perception, the psychic contact between parties known and unknown. By testing, we found that extrasensory perception is actually a part of the human experience. The uncharted areas of the mind.
Carolyn Stoddard: Well, what does all this have to do with my mother?
Dr. Peter Guthrie: Well, I believe that your mother has had a psychic contact of some sort.
Victoria Winters: There's no doubt in your mind about this?
Dr. Peter Guthrie: Well, she's in a psychic trance. Why, I don't know yet. But it seems to me that there's something in the atmosphere of this house that threatens to harm her. What it is, I don't know. But that's why it was necessary, for her own safety, to have her moved away from here.
Carolyn Stoddard: What could it be? What could want to harm my mother?
Dr. Peter Guthrie: That's just what I hope to find out.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.213" (1967)
[last lines]
Carolyn Stoddard: What about my mother?
Jason McGuire: If you don't stop asking so many questions, you could get her into trouble. Take my word for it. You could get her into serious trouble.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.3" (1966)
Carolyn Stoddard: Saw the light under the door and thought I might borrow a cup of sugar.
Victoria Winters: You're Carolyn.
Carolyn Stoddard: Uh-huh. And you're Victoria. Or is it Vicki?
Victoria Winters: Either one. Doesn't make any difference. Whichever you like.
Carolyn Stoddard: Well, Vicki, on behalf of myself and my kooky family, I bid you welcome to the house of Usher.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.91" (1966)
Carolyn Stoddard: Wouldn't it be great if you found out you were from a very wealthy Bangor family?
Victoria Winters: Oh, stop it. I went through all that in the foundling home. We used to dream about that the way, the way other people dream about a fairy godmother.
Carolyn Stoddard: That's exactly what it would be like. One wave of a magic wand and presto change-o, you're rich and happy.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.263" (1967)
Victoria Winters: Your mother asked me to be her witness at the marriage, and I said yes.
Carolyn Stoddard: Her witness? So, you're going to be a part of Mother's wedding party? How nice. How nice of mother to include you. But then you seem to have become her second daughter. Her only daughter, I should say.
Victoria Winters: Please don't be this way.
Carolyn Stoddard: I'm happy for you, Vicki. I really am. You've always wanted a family, and now you've got one.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.102" (1966)
Burke Devlin: Well, my blond beauty, how did you avoid the castle guards to get here?
Carolyn Stoddard: Naturally, I just made myself invisible and walked right through them.
Burke Devlin: I wish you'd teach me that trick.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.75" (1966)
Victoria Winters: I haven't taken a long walk since I've been here. I thought I might go down along the beach.
Carolyn Stoddard: I wish you'd stick around, Vicki. We have so few happy days around this dungeon. It's kind of a shame to miss even five minutes of one of them.
Victoria Winters: Well, maybe this is just the first of a long string of happy days.
Carolyn Stoddard: You're right. From now on, it's champagne every night and caviar for breakfast. Songs and dances by Stoddard and Winters.
[Victoria clears her throat loudly]
Carolyn Stoddard: Oh. Winters and Stoddard.
Victoria Winters: While Matthew Morgan accompanies us on the harp.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.72" (1966)
Carolyn Stoddard: You are really something, you know that? Walking around here with that innocent smile and sweet stare. Poor little Vicki Winters who only wants to do the right thing. Well, I've just about had it with you.
Victoria Winters: Listen, I think you just better tell me what you're talking about.
Carolyn Stoddard: Why don't you go home, Vicki? Why don't you pack your bags and go back to that precious foundling home?


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.160" (1967)
Carolyn Stoddard: [about Elizabeth] Can she hear us?
Dr. Peter Guthrie: No.
Carolyn Stoddard: Her eyes, do they see us?
Dr. Peter Guthrie: Her eyes see only the nameless terror which made her this way.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.2" (1966)
Carolyn Stoddard: When I was ten years old, I used to dream that a white knight would come along and rescue me from this dungeon. I guess white knights have gone out of style.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.80" (1966)
Carolyn Stoddard: Is my hair all right?
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: I wish everything in this house was as all right as your hair.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.90" (1966)
Victoria Winters: David, are you actually beginning to like me?
David Collins: Miss Winters, I love you.
[David runs out of the room]
Victoria Winters: Has David ever said that about anything or anyone before?
Carolyn Stoddard: Yes. Once when he lived in Augusta, he had a little kitten he told me loved.
Victoria Winters: Oh? What happened to it?
Carolyn Stoddard: David drowned it.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.76" (1966)
Carolyn Stoddard: Isn't there anything I can say or do, something that'll make you stop all this?
Burke Devlin: No. I'm sorry that you have to be involved, but you happen to be a Collins.
Carolyn Stoddard: My name is Stoddard. Carolyn Stoddard.
Burke Devlin: Carolyn Collins Stoddard.


"Dark Shadows: Episode #1.97" (1966)
Victoria Winters: I think Burke is a dangerous man to have for a friend. He's unpredictable.
Carolyn Stoddard: If he's so unpredictable, then why did you take that trip and spend the night in the same hotel with him?
Roger Collins: Here, here. Because it's the best hotel in town, that's why. What's so unusual about that?
Carolyn Stoddard: How do I know what happened?
Roger Collins: Well, what difference does it make?
Victoria Winters: That's what I'd like to know. Why is it so important to you?
Carolyn Stoddard: I think that as long as you live here at Collinwood, everything you do reflects on us.
Victoria Winters: And does nothing you do reflect on anyone?