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: You see, Markham, we have all of the parts of the puzzle, but none of them seems to fit.
: [Sniffing the aroma of the lipstick from the back of his hand
] Gardenia, I should say. Definitely common. Do you know anything about lipstick, Ryan? Ryan
: [Taking offence
] What do you think I am? Philo Vance
: Hmmm... I'll let you know. Ryan
: [Annoyed, as Vance is leaving
] Okay, wise guy, you're not out of the woods yet! Philo Vance
: You're right, Ryan.
: [Referring to Vance's secret mission
] ... and you understand the American government must not enter into this. Philo Vance
: I know. If I'm caught, I shall be a man without a country. Avery
: More than that, Vance. Possibly also a man without a head! Philo Vance
: Hmmm, not an amusing thought, your excellency.
: [Approaching Grassi's table as he is eating
] Signor Grassi? Eduardo Grassi
: [Looking up
] Yes. Philo Vance
: The same Signor Grassi who distinguished himself in the Ethiopian campaign? Eduardo Grassi
: The same. Philo Vance
: I hope you'll pardon the intrusion. My name is Philo Vance. Eduardo Grassi
: Oh, uh, won't you join me? I've heard of you too. Philo Vance
: Have you also heard that Mr. Archer Coe, whose airplane designs you've tried to buy for your government has been murdered? Eduardo Grassi
] Murdered? Ryan
: Yes, stabbed in the back! And the dagger's been a favorite Latin weapon since Nero played with matches!
: [as they are entering the front doo
] By the way, Philo, how was the weiner schnitzel over there? Philo Vance
: Hmmm, mostly bread and water!
: [Finding no knife hole in the robe Coe was apparently stabbed in
] This complicates things a bit. Ryan
: Hunh? Philo Vance
: You still think it was suicide? Ryan
: It's clear he couldn't have slugged, shot, and stabbed himself... particularly in the back.
: Say, Markham, I just heard about Arthur Coe. Dist. Atty. Markham
: Yes. Too bad he had to bump himself off like that. Philo Vance
: Hmm, that's why I called you. You sure that he did bump himself off? Dist. Atty. Markham
: Well, his butler tells us he's sitting in a locked room with a revolver in his hand and a bullet in his head. I don't know what else you'd call it.
: Well, if you knew Archer Coe, you would know that suicide would be almost a psychological impossibility for him. Dist. Atty. Markham
: Psychological, bosh! Now two and two make four, don't they? Philo Vance
: How do you know you have two and two?
: What do you think of the suicide theory now, Sergeant? Detective Sgt. Heath
: Well, it's slightly complicated since the man shot, slugged and stabbed himself - especially in the back.
Dist. Atty. Markham
: Haven't you got any ideas, Vance? Philo Vance
: Markham, it's a maze of conflicting clues. Any one of seven people might have done it. Detective Sgt. Heath
: We couldn't convict seven people, Mr. Vance. Philo Vance
: You couldn't convict one with the evidence you've got.
: [Refering to the wounded Sir Thomas
] Could the wound have been self-inflicted, doctor? Dr. Doremus
: I'm the city butcher, not a detective. Don't bother me with any murders after three tomorrow. I'm going to the World Series.
Detective Sgt. Heath
: [after a frustrating develpment
] Well, Mr. Vance, where are we now? Philo Vance
: I should say somewhere in the middle of the Gobi Desert.
: Do you really believe that people kill themselves over love? Philo Vance
: I can easily understand it... under some circumstances.
: Ah, Doremus! How about a warm cup of embalming fluid? Dr. Doremus
: Never mind the levity.
: [to the butler who's showing him in
] I don't need an usher to lead me to a corpse.
[to Markham and Vance
] Dr. Doremus
: Evening, Mr. Markham. Evening, Mr. Vance. Sergeant Ernest Heath
] What! No kiss for me, honey? Dr. Doremus
: Ah! Philo Vance
: [as Doremus takes a sandwich out of his bag
] My dear doctor, what is that? Dr. Doremus
: My dinner. District Attorney Markham
: You're not going to eat in here? Dr. Doremus
: Why not? For fourteen years you've called me from my soup to look at some dissipated cadaver. From now on, I'll eat with some corpse. Sergeant Ernest Heath
: Don't forget, Doc, Christmas dinner at the morgue. Dr. Doremus
] I hope to see you there.
: [to Zalia
] Very few girls can cry and still look lovely.
: [calling to Vance as he approaches
] Hello, Vance! Philo Vance
: Hello, Inspector! Inspector Colby
: I thought I'd find you here. Philo Vance
: Where there's smoke, there's always Philo? Inspector Colby
: Something like that.
: [after smashing a garish statue of an angel
] The man who destroys a monstrosity like this does more than a man who creates a masterpiece.
: Yes, we must discover the wrong direction in order to discover the right.
: Got a gum? Philo Vance
[He is searched anyway
: Sit down.
[after Vance sits
: Surprised? Philo Vance
: No, it's all in this letter to Markham.
[Vance starts to reach for the letter
: Keep your hand down. I'll take that!
[He takes the letter
: I'm gonna burn it before I drill yuh. Philo Vance
: Without seeing how near I came to guessing right. It's very short really. Read it. Lynn
] You read it! I'll let you live until you're finished. Philo Vance
: I wish it were longer. For the sake of brevity, I put it in synopsis form.
: [T Heath
] Sergeant, you're much too trusting for this deceitful world. If everything happened as easy as that, life would be very simple and very dull.
: [to Markham and Heath
] You know, gentlemen, this is no ordinary case. We cannot proceed in an ordinary manner. Mark my words, this is not a single murder that we are trying to solve. It is the beginning of a series of murders... ghastly and inhuman!
: My dear Miss Dillard, our problem is to match normal thinking against the abnormal scheming of a criminal mind.
: What happened backstage? Were you able to see the Canary. Philo Vance
: No luck Charles. She's about as hard to get out of that judging room, as she is in that swing.
: Shall we go over here? Philo Vance
: Why, yes. I'm afraid marriage is quite out of the question Miss O'Dell. Charles Spottswoode
: Oh, you're sure about that, are you? Philo Vance
: I'm positive. Charles Spottswoode
: Well how would you like me to tell the world about Jimmy's embezzling from your bank? Philo Vance
: What? Charles Spottswoode
: You heard me.
: The question is, then, why would the killer have brought the body here? Gracie Allen
: Well, they've got a wonderful floor show.