Edwin Jarvis
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Quotes for
Edwin Jarvis (Character)
from "Agent Carter" (2015)

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"Agent Carter: Time and Tide (#1.3)" (2015)
Jack Thompson: It's funny. A lot of stuff gets stolen from Howard Stark - cars, bombs, death rays.
Edwin Jarvis: Actually, the death ray's accounted for. It's in Nevada, I believe.

Edwin Jarvis: Mr. Stark believed that the intruder had some advanced technological assistance.
Peggy Carter: Mr. Stark believes brushing your teeth requires advanced technological assistance.

Edwin Jarvis: Mr. Stark deemed me worthy of his trust. I would hope that would suffice.
Peggy Carter: Mr. Stark would trust a shark not to bite him if it was wearing a short enough skirt. That's not entirely relevant.

Edwin Jarvis: In polite society, one telephones ahead before trespassing.

Edwin Jarvis: [Before getting into a police car] Well, this will be novel. I haven't been in the *back* of a car in years.

Peggy Carter: If we're going to be working together, risking our lives together, then I must be able to trust you.
Edwin Jarvis: On my honor, you can.

Edwin Jarvis: In polite society, one telephones ahead before trespassing.
Peggy Carter: I imagine strange women traipsing through the property isn't a completely unusual occurrence.
Edwin Jarvis: That's a fair point.

Edwin Jarvis: I don't think I can tell you anything that isn't already in the missing-car report I filed.
Jack Thompson: That report might take us a while to dig up. You see, the NYPD aren't as efficient as the SSR at record-keeping, which is saying something, because our files are a wreck.
Daniel Sousa: [On the other side of the glass] That hurts. My filing's impeccable.


"Agent Carter: Now Is Not the End (#1.1)" (2015)
Peggy Carter: [escaping from a building about to explode] Mr. Jarvis, could you bring the car around?
Edwin Jarvis: Certainly. When would you like it?
Peggy Carter: Oh, in about twenty seconds.

Agent Peggy Carter: The next time you approach a woman in a dark alley, you might want to introduce yourself.
Edwin Jarvis: Well, I shall endeavor to remember that, provided my concussion isn't too severe. Should you need me, call any time before 9:00.
Agent Peggy Carter: What happens at 9:00?
Edwin Jarvis: My wife and I go to bed. 7:00, sherry, 8:00, Benny Goodman. 9:00, bed.
Agent Peggy Carter: You're new to espionage, aren't you?
Edwin Jarvis: Far from it. Last summer, I caught the cook pocketing the good spoons. What now, Miss Carter?
Agent Peggy Carter: Now I go to work.

Agent Peggy Carter: I seem to have a habit of losing people closest to me. Perhaps "losing" is too nice a word. I get them killed.
Edwin Jarvis: Miss Carter.
Agent Peggy Carter: When Howard came to me, I was damn happy to see him. I'd been wallowing in it since the war, wondering why no one would give Agent Peggy Carter a shot. So I grabbed the chance. But I mucked it up. And now Colleen is dead... because of me.

Agent Peggy Carter: Where does your wife think you are right now?
Edwin Jarvis: One of Mr. Stark's more... amorous admirers has refused to vacate his penthouse. I am presently supervising her extraction.
Agent Peggy Carter: I imagine that's quite believable.
Edwin Jarvis: You have no idea.

Peggy Carter: Meet me on the access road.
Edwin Jarvis: Do you know I'm being shot at?
Peggy Carter: Now!

Edwin Jarvis: [after the refinery imploded] It would seem it works.

Edwin Jarvis: [sighs heavily into the phone as he watches Agent Carter cross the street] Swish the glass with the vermouth, tip it out, *then* add the gin. Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Stark, I'm afraid I can't be everywhere at once. You're quite right. Miss Carter's an excellent choice. I don't think she'll have any suspicions at all.


"Agent Carter: SNAFU (#1.7)" (2015)
Edwin Jarvis: I am truly sorry about all of this. When you didn't meet me, I knew and I panicked.
Peggy Carter: And I suppose the confession portrays me as what? A patsy? A Doe-eyed idiot succumbed to the charms of America's mustachioed Casanova?
Edwin Jarvis: That is the gist, yes. With a bankruptcy side plot sprinkled on top to provide a motive for Mr. Stark's deeds.
Peggy Carter: Nice flourish.

Edwin Jarvis: I'm sure we could lure one of them in, get the drop on them, steal a weapon and...
Peggy Carter: "Get the drop on them?" You've been in custody all of an hour, and you're Jimmy Cagney.

Peggy Carter: [Hands over the capsule that holds the vial of Captain America's blood] You'll want to be careful with that.
Roger Dooley: [Opens it and takes out the vial] Does this stuff implode? Explode? Spice up an Old Fashioned?
Peggy Carter: That is the last remaining sample of Captain Steve Rogers' blood. Mr. Stark was afraid your scientists would squander the remaining samples attempting to re-create the serum.
Edwin Jarvis: Which they did, so I'm afraid you'll have to forgive him for trying to protect the greatest scientific feat of the 20th century.
Peggy Carter: Howard didn't trust me with it, either. He lied about the contents of the device. He nearly convinced me that I was saving the city by stealing it.
Daniel Sousa: Is that why you kept it Because he lied?
Peggy Carter: Maybe at first, or perhaps I didn't trust our greatest capitalist with such a prize. But I couldn't bring it here, either. And for that, I don't have an answer. I suppose I just wanted a second chance at keeping him safe.

Edwin Jarvis: Please help! We're taken hostage in here!
Peggy Carter: No one's coming.
Edwin Jarvis: I know you may be universally despised in this establishment, but they barely know me.
[shouts]
Edwin Jarvis: Please help!

Peggy Carter: [Cuffed to the table in the interrogation room] Mr. Jarvis, how would you feel if we smashed that mirror with this table?
Edwin Jarvis: I would feel splendid about it.
Peggy Carter: All right. we pick it up, and then on the count of three...
Edwin Jarvis: Battering ram. Ready?
Peggy Carter, Edwin Jarvis: [They lift] 1... 2...
Edwin Jarvis: Wait! What if there are people behind this mirror that we're breaking?
Peggy Carter: Then they may get hurt. There'll be a spray of glass.
Edwin Jarvis: I see.
Peggy Carter, Edwin Jarvis: [They lift again] 1... 2.
Edwin Jarvis: Wait! What if these hypothetical people behind the mirror have guns?
Peggy Carter: Then we may get hurt. There will be a spray of bullets.
Edwin Jarvis: I see.
Peggy Carter, Edwin Jarvis: 1... 2... 3
[They break the glass]
Edwin Jarvis: No people. Everybody wins.
Peggy Carter: I've just thought of something.
Edwin Jarvis: We're still attached to a table.
Peggy Carter: We are still attached to a table.

Peggy Carter: Have you ever been hanged, Mr. Jarvis?
Edwin Jarvis: I can't say that I have, no.
Peggy Carter: It is quite unpleasant.


"Agent Carter: Bridge and Tunnel (#1.2)" (2015)
Peggy Carter: So, I've got two foreign agents with no voice boxes fighting over a milk truck full of experimental implosives.
Edwin Jarvis: Just another day at the office.

Peggy Carter: [Calling Jarvis at home] I don't have long so listen very carefully. I need you to dispose of Howard's car.
Edwin Jarvis: I beg your pardon.
Peggy Carter: The SSR are looking into Roxxon at this very moment. That car sustained damage at the site, and it's likely to be teeming with vita radiation. Make it disappear.
Edwin Jarvis: Very well.
[Looks at his watch]
Edwin Jarvis: Let's see, the linens come out of the wash in thirty minutes...
Peggy Carter: Now.
Edwin Jarvis: Fine. I shall forego the linens.

Peggy Carter: I told you I don't need your help.
Edwin Jarvis: An ideal butler provides service without being asked.
Peggy Carter: Oh! Put it back. I need to drive this thing out of here.
Edwin Jarvis: [Long suffering] Won't be a moment.

Peggy Carter: [In the milk truck, holding a gun to Brannis' head] Comfortable back there, Mr. Jarvis?
Edwin Jarvis: [Sitting in the back] Perfectly, thank you. These racks of explosives are distracting me from the smell of stale milk.

Edwin Jarvis: You're very fortunate that I ignored your instructions.
Peggy Carter: [Sarcastic] Oh, you're so right. How I managed to stay alive before I met you, I have no idea.
Edwin Jarvis: I can't tell if you're being arrogant... or ignorant.
Peggy Carter: Both, I imagine.
Edwin Jarvis: Your line of work requires support. People who care about your wellbeing, who will be there to stitch up your wounds.
Peggy Carter: If I allow people to get close to me, I'm putting them in danger.
Edwin Jarvis: So your solution is to remove yourself from the world you wish to protect. Where's the sense in that?
[Only now realizes that his hand is on her knee near the wound he just stitched up. He quickly removes it]
Edwin Jarvis: There is not a man or woman, no matter how fit he or she may be, who is capable of carrying the entire world on their shoulders.
Peggy Carter: Steve was.
Edwin Jarvis: From what Mr. Stark has told me, Captain Rodgers relied heavily on you. For courage, strategy, and moral guidance. You were his support. Your desire to help others is noble, but I doubt you'll find much success unless you allow others to help you.


"Agent Carter: A Sin to Err (#1.6)" (2015)
Peggy Carter: [Going through a list of women Howard Stark "entertained" in order to determine which might be the Russian spy/assassin] How could he possibly meet this many women?
Edwin Jarvis: The Academy Awards is a very busy time.
[Seeing that Peggy is crossing several names off the list]
Edwin Jarvis: What are you doing?
Peggy Carter: A large portion of the women on this list are well known actresses, models and socialites. Publicly established for several years. They can be disregarded.
Edwin Jarvis: Well, I wouldn't dismiss her.
Peggy Carter: You think Ginger Rogers is a Russian assassin?
Edwin Jarvis: You should have seen her eyes when I escorted her from Mr. Stark's villa. The darkest gates to the abyss.

Peggy Carter: I need you to get me a list of all the women that Howard has... entertained in the last year.
Edwin Jarvis: I'm not sure there's enough ink in the whole of New York to complete that request.
Peggy Carter: Fine. Just in the last six months, then. Is that possible?
Edwin Jarvis: Oh, yes.
[Thinks]
Edwin Jarvis: Yes, I suggest we start with the Western hemisphere.

Edwin Jarvis: [Outside Ida Emke's apartment, a small boy approaches] Hello. I'm the exterminator. Somebody saw a roach. I have to catch these things before they get out of hand.
[the biy just stares at him]
Edwin Jarvis: Shouldn't your shouldn't your mother be somewhere nearby? I-I think I hear her calling you.
[the boy still stares]
Edwin Jarvis: Please go away.
[the boy holds out his hand, Jarvis sighs, and hands over some money. the boy finally leaves]
Peggy Carter: Who were you talking to?
Edwin Jarvis: A future mafioso.

Edwin Jarvis: Well, Mr. Stark would seem to have an unfortunate attraction to violent women.
Peggy Carter: I imagine they were far less violent before they met him.

Albert: We call it the Stark special, custom-designed to his exact specifications.
Peggy Carter: Are you saying Howard Stark buys a bracelet for every women he's...
Edwin Jarvis: Oh, no. Yes. He considers it a parting gift to commemorate their time together.
Albert: Stark demands only the highest quality diamonds, the highest karat of gold. Any girl would be lucky to wear such a fine piece. Would you like to try it on?
Peggy Carter: Oh, thank you very much. If we could just see the list, we'll be on our way.
Albert: Anything for friends of Mr. Stark.
[Takes the list out]
Edwin Jarvis: Oh, it's shorter than I thought it would be.


"Agent Carter: Hollywood Ending (#2.10)" (2016)
Howard Stark: [Howard tries to hit a golf ball into the rift but misses] Damn! What am I doing wrong, Jarvis?
Edwin Jarvis: Sir, we are standing before an incomprehensible rip in the fabric of our world...
[hands Howard a club]
Edwin Jarvis: ...use the 7-iron.

Howard Stark: How do the most successful scientists achieve greatness?
Edwin Jarvis: Given your history, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and cavorting with loose women.
Howard Stark: That's a good guess, but it's wrong. Nope. They get smarter people to do the research, and then they steal it for themselves.

Edwin Jarvis: [Jarvis enters, lead at gunpoint by Manfredi] Introducing Mr Joseph Manfredi, of the Yonkers Manfredis.

Howard Stark: Jarvis, you just hit a woman with my car!
Edwin Jarvis: I know.
Howard Stark: She's a two-time Oscar nominee.
Edwin Jarvis: Miss Frost is quite resilient. She's fine. Trust me.


"Agent Carter: The Blitzkrieg Button (#1.4)" (2015)
Edwin Jarvis: Mr. Stark respects you, Miss Carter. As do I. Is there anyone else alive who holds you in such high esteem?
Peggy Carter: I can trust the actions of men who don't respect me more than those who do. At least when they ask for something, they mean it.

Edwin Jarvis: $50,000 American That was our understanding.
Large Smuggler: $50,000 was for the delivery. The extra $100,000's for us to keep our traps shut. And I got three guys outside that agree with me.
Edwin Jarvis: [Stuttering] Now, I-I-I'm sorry, but I-I-I can't agree to such... Pardon my language... Extortion.
Large Smuggler: It's not "extrorshing", This is a shakedown! You could hand me the money, or he could hand me the money.
Edwin Jarvis: Very well. I have a further $50,000 in here. It's all I have. Take it or leave it.
Large Smuggler: [to his henchman] Count it.
Edwin Jarvis: Sorry, you're counting the ransom in front of me?
Large Smuggler: Our boss is a very precise man.
Edwin Jarvis: Your manners never cease to disappoint.

Howard Stark: [Cheerily talking to Peggy and Jarvis] So, how are you two getting along? Peggy tried Anna's goulash? Peggy, Jarvis know you can do 107 one-armed pushups?
Peggy Carter: Howard, you came back to New York City risking notice from every American intelligence agency.
Howard Stark: Hmm.
[Shrugs]
Peggy Carter: WHY?
Howard Stark: Let's get back to my place. We'll have some Sherry. I'll explain everything.
Peggy Carter: [Sees something out the window] Stop the car.
Edwin Jarvis: The residence is only a block away. What's the matter?
Peggy Carter: See that man waiting for the bus? That's Agent Yauch. You see that Sedan parked by the fire hydrant? That is Agent Henry. Make a left.
[They turn]
Howard Stark: [sighs] That was my least-known property. A dummy corporation holds the lease.
Edwin Jarvis: And another dummy corporation owns that company.
Howard Stark: The only people who know about that penthouse besides me and Jarvis are Lana Turner, Jane Russell...
Peggy Carter: [Cuts him off] Russell You do realize that my work colleague Ray Krzeminski was killed while you were out gallivanting?
Howard Stark: I was not *gallivanting*.
Peggy Carter: The SSR blames you, and they're out for blood. We must assume they're about to uncover all of your residences, your bank accounts, your corporations. So perhaps turning up unexpectedly was not your best plan.
Howard Stark: So, where can I hide?
Peggy Carter: [Thinks for a moment] God, help me. Take a right up ahead.
Howard Stark: [They stop in front of Peggy's home] Ah. The Griffith. How's Miriam?


"Agent Carter: The Lady in the Lake (#2.1)" (2016)
Peggy Carter: I understand Howard came out west for a defense contract.
Edwin Jarvis: He did.
Peggy Carter: And you did say you came out here to arrange his estate.
Edwin Jarvis: I think I see where this is heading.
Peggy Carter: What I don't understand...
Edwin Jarvis: You're puzzled, perhaps.
Peggy Carter: Uh, puzzled, yes, that's the word.
Edwin Jarvis: It's the flamingo, isn't it?
[in the back seat of Jarvis' car, a pink flamingo is in a box]
Peggy Carter: It is indeed the flamingo.
Edwin Jarvis: Regrettably, you are not the only house guest to whom Mr. Stark has extended an invitation. Meet the newest member of the Stark mansion menagerie. Bernard.

Edwin Jarvis: Ready for another adventure, Miss Carter?

Peggy Carter: That is Calvin Chadwick.
Edwin Jarvis: Oh, and his wife, Whitney Frost.
Peggy Carter: Who?
Edwin Jarvis: Whitney Frost, star of "The 'F' Stands for Freedom".
Peggy Carter: She doesn't look familiar.
Edwin Jarvis: Well, surely you've seen "Tales of Suspense".
Peggy Carter: I'm not one for the cinema.
Edwin Jarvis: What do you do for relaxation? Assemble rifles?


"Agent Carter: Monsters (#2.7)" (2016)
Edwin Jarvis: The transponder is repaired.
[turning the receiver on]
Edwin Jarvis: Behold.
Peggy Carter: Your hidden talents know no bounds, Mr. Jarvis.
Edwin Jarvis: Oh, one doesn't spend years in the company of Howard Stark without picking up a thing or two about electrical engineering.
Peggy Carter: Lucky you didn't pick up the clap.

Edwin Jarvis: Allow me to present the Jitterbug, a nonlethal concussive device with a blast field of 170 degrees.
Peggy Carter: Howard couldn't spring for the other 190 degrees?
Edwin Jarvis: When we waltz into this trap, I believe we may be outnumbered.
Peggy Carter: I believe we can count on it.
Edwin Jarvis: If, or when, that happens, you will want to stand behind me, like so, then I simply enter the sequence and...
[he demonstrates the tool's operation]
Edwin Jarvis: ...we watch our assailants cut a rug. As it were.


"Agent Carter: The Iron Ceiling (#1.5)" (2015)
Peggy Carter: Howard didn't want my help to prove his innocence. He wanted a new toy to manipulate.
Edwin Jarvis: Miss Carter, you must know that Mr. Stark has the greatest admiration...
Peggy Carter: Only for himself.
Edwin Jarvis: He can be thoughtless. Inconsiderate. Vain. Childish. Unreliable. Arrogant.
Peggy Carter: You flatter him.
Edwin Jarvis: ...But he is a good man

Edwin Jarvis: These men you call your colleagues They don't respect you. They don't even see you. Do you honestly expect they'll change their minds?
Peggy Carter: I expect I will make them.


"Agent Carter: The Atomic Job (#2.5)" (2016)
Peggy Carter: Mr Jarvis, does Howard have a hearse?
Edwin Jarvis: No, but he does have a Woodie.


"Agent Carter: Valediction (#1.8)" (2015)
Howard Stark: [clipping his nose hair] How's that look?
Edwin Jarvis: Like a nest of spiders with very short legs.
Howard Stark: That's good enough. Hey, Peg, you got any powder? I want to cut down the shine.


"Avengers: United They Stand: Avengers Assemble Part-Two (#1.2)" (1999)
Falcon: [chuckles when Redwing lands on Jarvis' shoulder] Hey, he likes you.
Edwin Jarvis: [dryly] Oh, joy, sir.


Ultimate Avengers II (2006) (V)
[while selecting an Iron Man costume model]
Jarvis: I've always fancied the design and color scheme of the tailwind model.
Tony Stark: Nah, I believe heavy equipment is in order. The War Machine. Sturdy, impervious...
Jarvis: And handles like 10-tons of tractor.
Tony Stark: Yeah, but it's got some sweet guns.


"Agent Carter: Smoke & Mirrors (#2.4)" (2016)
Edwin Jarvis: I trust you've operated a tranquilizer rifle before.
Peggy Carter: I can't say that I have. Why on earth have you?
Edwin Jarvis: On occasion, wrangling Mr. Stark's animal preserve requires a ruthless hand.
Peggy Carter: Not the flamingo.
Edwin Jarvis: The koala. Its adorable appearance belies a vile temperament.