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Quotes for
Brak (Character)
from "Space Ghost" (1966)

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"Cartoon Planet" (1995)
Brak: I forget how to be mean, that radiation half-lobotomized me.
Space Ghost: Say, I've got an idea. Let Zorak teach you how to be mean.
Zorak: Oh, man! Do I hafta?
Space Ghost: Yes, you hafta.
Zorak: Okay Brak. Repeat after me. Space Ghost! I will destroy you!
Brak: Space Ghost! I will destroy you... if you don't mind.

Brak: Here's a letter for me you know how I know that? Cause it starts out Dear Brak!

[referring to coffee]
Space Ghost: How much were you drinking?
Brak: Oooh, about 20 or 40 gallons a day.

Brak: Maybe I should tie a string around my finger to remind myself to write a little note, to remind myself to write a little note, to remind myself to write a little note!

Zorak: Brak, have you ever had a girlfriend?
Brak: Uh well, I had an imaginary girlfriend. No wait, I had a couple, I had 5 or 7! No, I had 4... 2 imaginary girlfriends, and all those imaginary girlfriends were after me buddy!

Brak: Hey, I know this guy... and he's, that kinda guy! Well once he... and then he... Space Ghost do you know this guy?

Brak: It's merely symptomatic of our post-modern ennui. There are no absolutes and not to perceive our world as meaningless when it's really your own freedom you detest. I like pork.

Zorak: Brak, tell me you didn't eat my sandwich.
Brak: Okay, I didn't eat your sandwich.
Zorak: But you did, didn't you?
Brak: Yes.
Zorak: Even though it was in a brown paper bag with big letters on the side. Z-O-R-A-K. Do you know what that spells?
Brak: Umm, there'sayummychickensandwhichinhereandyouneedtoeatit?

Brak: Hey, Zorak, was that your chicken sandwich in the refrigerator?
Zorak: Yes, why do you ask?
Brak: Because I ate it.
Zorak: No you didn't...
Brak: Yes I did.
Zorak: Even though it was in a brown paper bag with the letters 'Z-O-R-A-K' on the sides. Do you know what that spells?
Brak: Ummmm... there's a yummy chicken sandwich in here and you need to eat it?
[Zorak screams]
Brak: Well I wouldn't have eaten it if I knew it was yours! I thought it was Space Ghost's!
Space Ghost: And it would have been perfectly fine to eat my chicken sandwich?
Brak: Yours was a ham sandwich.
Space Ghost: How do you know that?
Brak: Because I ate that too!
Space Ghost: Well now what are Zorak and I going to have for lunch?
Brak: Why don't you order a pizza?
Space Ghost: They won't deliver here anymore... maybe because they don't like being bitten!
Brak: Hey that guy bit me first!
Space Ghost: Whatever!
Brak: Well, I guess this is one of those bad news/good news situations. The bad news is that your guys' sandwiches got eaten, and the good news is... I'm not hungry anymore!
[Laughs]
Brak: Mostly... well, maybe I'm just a little bit hungry.
Brak: [pause] I guess I'll just go and eat my own sandwich.
Zorak: Lets get him!
Brak: Aaaawwww boy! You guys get away from my olive loaf!

Brak: Welcome to Cartoon Planet, everybody! My name is Brak. I am the star of the show. I know it, you know it, I know it, you know it, I know it, you know it...
Space Ghost: Hey!
Brak: What?
Space Ghost: Here's the deal, Brak. I'm the boss. You're nothing. Get it?
Brak: Big deal. Boss of nothing.
Space Ghost: What?
Brak: Never mind.

Brak: I used to be temporarily insane, now I'm just stupid!

[Space Ghost ate Brak's chocolate bunnies]
Brak: You big zit-covered, bunny-eating FREAK!

Brak: Nobody wants to visit me in my little cloud... I don't know why. Maybe "cuz I'm cutting" muffins.

Space Ghost: I got a doodle in my noodle, and his name is Minky Boodle.
Zorak: Minky Boodle!
Brak: Minky Boodle!
Zorak: Minky Boodle!
Brak: Minky Boodle!
Space Ghost: I got my mojo rising. There's a poodle in my stroodle.
Zorak: Minky Boodle!
Brak: Minky Boodle!
Zorak: Minky Boodle!
Brak: Minky Boodle!
Space Ghost: [humming]
Zorak: Oh... I'm sick of this.
Brak: Minky Boodle!
Zorak: Shut up, Brak!
Brak: Oh!
Space Ghost: I got a doodle in my noodle, and his name is Minky Boodle.
Zorak: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!...
Brak: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!...
Space Ghost: How beautiful! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Brak: One time, I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class. I would just sit back with my mind completely blank while the monkey scribbled on little pieces of paper. At the end of the week, the teacher said, "Class, I want you to write a paper using your notes." So I wrote a paper that said, "Hello! My name is Bingo! I like to climb on things! Can I have a banana? Eek, eek!" I got an F. When I told my mom about it, she said, "I told you, never trust a monkey!"

Brak: You know? Love is a happy time all throughout the Universe. It's when a male part of the species goes to the female part of the species and says, "Hey, do you wanna go on a date?" And then she would say, "Why, yes, I'd like to go on a date," if you're lucky. And then, they'd go to a restaurant, and she gets something called a salad, and then he gets a big piece of beef that he eats. And that, to me, ladies and gentlemen... is love. Kinda makes you cry, doesn't it?

Brak: [singing] This is the song that doesn't end / It just goes on and on, my friends / Some people started singing it not knowing what it was / And they'll just keep on singing it forever just because / This is the song that never ends / It just goes on and on, my friends.
Zorak: Brak!
Brak: What?
Zorak: Stop singing that stupid song!
Brak: I can't stop it! It's the song that never ends!
[continues singing]
Brak: Some people started singing it not knowing what it was / And they'll just keep on singing it forever just because.
Zorak: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stop it!
Brak: What? It just ended.

Space Ghost: Well, that was certainly enjoyable, wasn't it, Brak?
Brak: Is it hot in here, or am I sweating?

Zorak: Once upon a midnight clammy, I was playing poker with Gandorf and Sammy. Gandorf had dealt me jacksons and fives, when I heard a tapping at my window on high. I climbed to the attic, so dreary and black; and who should I see there tapping, but Brak!
Brak: I had a bad dream, I can't get back to sleep! It had a big fat bird in it, he gave me the creeps! The bird kept saying; "Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, hey nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore..."
Zorak: Alright, alright already! Alright! Ugh. I let Brak in the window, and we went downstairs. Gandorf and Sammy were asleep in their chairs. We turned on the TV, and watched "Coast to Coast", the show that has a meatball for a host! Muahahahahaha!
Brak: Ahahahaha, haha you said meatball! Hahahaha!


"The Brak Show: Time Machine (#1.3)" (2001)
Brak: Hey Zorak, guess what I'm going to be in the talent show this year?
Zorak: A loser?
Brak: Ehh Wrong! I'm going to be a potato and sing my amazing potato song!
Zorak: I can't wait not to see it.

Mom: What have you boys been up to all weekend?
Brak: We've been playing Headkicker.
Zorak: I've been playing. You've been getting a red-ass beatdown.

Zorak: Here's what we do. We go back to Friday...
Brak: [Brak interrupts] And make a kite out of squirrels and fly it to the moon.
Zorak: No, we track ourselves down and then have our otherselves do the homework.
Brak: Zorak, can I ask you a question?
Zorak: Yeah, what?
Brak: Where are we going to find enough squirrels to make a kite?
Zorak: Are you really that stupid?
Brak: I dare you to say that again only this time say "Brak, I love you".

Brak: [Brak is complaining that he can't go to the Fish Buckets restaurant] Isn't there any way I could come along?
Dad: Of course there is, my son.
Brak: Really?
Dad: Simply do your homework yesterday and you're all set.
Brak: Wait a minute, how can I do that?
Dad: You can't, I fool you again, boy!

Merlin: [to Zorak and Brak, who have just appeared near them] Who are you?
Brak: Well, my name is Brak and this big green fella here is named...
Zorak: I'll handle this.
[sepulchral voice]
Zorak: We are the presidents of the future.
Marlon: Ooh, good day to you, Mr. Presidents.
Merlin: Why have you come to us?
Zorak: One of your inventions has destroyed the future. People are suffering and starving!
Brak: Zorak, what's wrong with your voice?
Zorak: [whispers in normal voice] Shut up; they're buyin' it.
Brak: Do you need a lozenge?
Zorak: No, I'm good.
[sepulchral voice]
Zorak: The streets are filled with wickedness and filth!
Brak: The fun is gone, it's gone, it's outta here.
Zorak: [shakes fist] It's BAD! Very BAD!
Merlin: Asti Spumante! Which of our inventions has caused this misery?
Zorak: It goes by the name
[extra-grim voice]
Zorak: HOMEWORK.
Merlin: I was just about to invent that!
Marlon: See? I told ya that was a dumb idea, but nobody listens to Marlon; he's just an old fool with a beer hat!
Merlin: I don't see how homework could...
Marlon: Listen to them, Merlin. They're from the damn future.
Merlin: What can we do to prevent all this suffering?
Zorak: You must UNinvent
[extra-grim voice]
Zorak: HOMEWORK.
[they fade away]
Zorak: The presidents have spoken.
Marlon: How 'bout that? Meetin' the presidents.
Merlin: We must destroy all the inventions. Who knows what damage we've already done?


"The Brak Show: War Next Door (#1.4)" (2001)
Brak: [dressed as a giant beet] I'm hot for you, baby/ I'm a big ol' beet/ I'm red but not embarrassed/And I am good with meat/ Of course I make an excellent borscht/And I'm hot for you, baby!

Carmine: [Carmine the blob has just been put into a jar and begins to talk] Finally, blech! I was *dyin'* out there.
[to Mom]
Carmine: Hey, sweetcheeks, get me a beer, will ya?
Mom: I have some root beer.
Carmine: Did I say root beer?
Brak: Hey Zorak, he sounds just like you!
Zorak: [smooth voice] Yeah, I was just noticing that.
Brak: And you have a beautiful man voice!

[first lines]
Brak: Hey Zorak, guess what I'm going to be in the talent show this year?
Zorak: A loser.
Brak: Ehh, wrong! I'm going to be a potato and sing my amazing potato song!
Zorak: Ugh, I can't *wait* not to hear it.


"The Brak Show: Brakstreet: Men in the Band (#2.5)" (2002)
[Clarence Raps on stage]
Brak, Clarence: My name is Clarence / and that's no lie / if you don't believe me ask my mom / she's over there with that man she makes me call dad but that's not my dad that's Gary / my real dad ran away / Oh daddy what did I do to make you not love me / is it my obesity, is it because I love the theatre / Why why did you leave me with Gary?
[trap door opens and Clarence falls]

[Zorak has teleported out of the scene]
Brak: I didn't know Zorak could do that!
Zorak: [Omniscient voice] There's a lot you don't know about me!
Brak: Oh yeah, like what?
[Zorak teleports back in]
Zorak: I'm forty years old!
[laughs evily and teleports back out]
Brak: Well that certainly came out of left field.


"Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak" (2000)
Voldemar H. Brak Guerta: This song comes from the heart of my bottom.

Jo Dee Messina: You've got great big fangs.
Brak: They came with my head!


"The Brak Show: Goldfish (#1.2)" (2001)
Brak: Boy, I'm as happy as a bag of wigs! You know why?
Dad: You found your real parents?
Brak: ...What?
Mom: Now dear, don't tease the boy.
Dad: I thought it was funny. You just don't get it, that's all.

Brak: [singing] Food can be your friend/ Or food can be your foe./ But if you eat too much of it/ to heaven you will gooooooooo!


"The Brak Show: All That I Desire You (#3.7)" (2003)
Grant Gainway: My God. Father, it's you!
Brak: His name's not "Father". It's "Dad".
Grant Gainway: His name is Drake Gainway.
[melodramatic organ sting]
Dad: It is?
Mom: I don't understand! I'm blind!
Grant Gainway: He's obviously been living a double life.
Dad: I have?
Grant Gainway: Yes, as Drake Gainway, billionaire industrialist...
Dad: Who knew?
Grant Gainway: -and as Dad, lowly worm farmer recently become rich millionaire oil baron.
Dad: So I'm a millionaire *and* a billionaire? That is freaking awesome!
Brak: It's not! It's terrible! Drake Gainway is dying from a gigantic BRAIN TUMOR!
Dad: [removes his hat to reveal an enormous, hideous lump] I was wondering what the hell that was!


"Space Ghost Coast to Coast: A Space Ghost Christmas (#1.12)" (1994)
Council of Doom: [to the tune of "12 Days of Christmas"] On the first Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Brak: Hi my name is Brak!
Council of Doom: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Metallus: Two plus eight is ten!
Brak: Hi my name is Brak!
Council of Doom: On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Lokar: Three reruns of "What's Happening!"
Metallus: Two plus eight is ten!
Brak: Hi my name is Brak!
Council of Doom: On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Tansut: Four quesadillas!
Lokar: Three reruns of "What's Happening!"
Metallus: Two plus eight is ten!
Brak: Hi my name is Brak!
Council of Doom: On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
Black Widow: Leonard Nimoy sings!
Tansut: Four quesadillas!
Lokar: Three reruns of "What's Happening!"
Metallus: Two plus eight is ten!
Brak: Hi my name is Braaaaaaa...
Space Ghost aka Tad Ghostal: Enough!
Brak: ...aaaaaaaaaak!
Space Ghost aka Tad Ghostal: That was pitiful!


"The Brak Show: Shadows of Heat (#3.3)" (2003)
Brak: Is he really a butcher?
Zorak: No one knows for sure... no one has ever seen him.
Brak: Then how do you know...
Zorak: You ask too many questions! Seriously, that's like seventy-five questions you asked since you walked in!
Brak: You're right. The hour of questions is over! It's time to book a one-way ticket to Answertown, brother!


"The Brak Show: Braklet, Prince of Spaceland (#3.1)" (2003)
[last lines]
Brak: So, what do you wanna do now, Zorak?
Zorak: [breaks the fourth wall] Watch The Powerpuff Girls Movie on DVD!


"The Brak Show: Hippo (#1.5)" (2001)
Brak: [to Zorak] But this is for college.
Zorak: [taking the money] Swipe!
Brak: [sigh] Now I'll never be a barber.