Bob Collins
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Quotes for
Bob Collins (Character)
from "The Bob Cummings Show" (1955)

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"The Bob Cummings Show: Bob and Schultzy Reunite (#5.1)" (1958)
Bob Collins: It's not easy to replace a girl like Schultzy.
Charmaine 'Schultzy' Schultz: Thanks.
Bob Collins: I've had to search high and low.
Margaret MacDonald: By high he means Mulholland and by low he means Pismo Beach.

Charmaine 'Schultzy' Schultz: Boss, I better stay on a few days and teach the new gal the office routine.
Bob Collins: Oh no, that won't be necessary. I'll take care of it.
Charmaine 'Schultzy' Schultz: She won't know what to do about the bookkeeping and filing.
Bob Collins: Oh, well, I'll show her.
Charmaine 'Schultzy' Schultz: Who'll show her what to do in the dark room?
Bob Collins: ...Would you like to withdraw that question?
Charmaine 'Schultzy' Schultz: Please.

[Margaret is vacuuming in the kitchen]
Bob Collins: Do you mind, Margaret? I've been listening to a vacuum all morning.
Margaret MacDonald: How is Crazy Lips?
Bob Collins: Oh, brother.
Margaret MacDonald: Well, you can't have everything and she has a very nice figure.
Bob Collins: Yeah, that she has, that she has... 36-23-36-23.
Margaret MacDonald: What's that last 23?
Bob Collins: Her IQ.

Bob Collins: I just wondered if Schultzy was happy?
Margaret MacDonald: You just wondered if you could get her back, that's all, 'cause you goofed and picked a lemon.
Bob Collins: Boy, a lemon is right. I had no idea when I squeezed her last night how sour things were going to be today.


"The Bob Cummings Show: Bob in Orbit (#5.8)" (1958)
Bob Collins: I'm no stableboy. I'm a pilot and a colonel!
Air Policeman: Okay, colonel - pile it!

Grandpa Collins: You the same two girls I saw come through the front office?
Collette DuBois: Oui.
Model: Mm-hmm.
Grandpa Collins: Whaddya do with you figures? Leave 'em in the dressing room?
Model: These styles aren't very revealing. This is a sack
Grandpa Collins: Sacks are for potatos, not tomatos.

Grandpa Collins: He wouldn't be where he is now if it wasn't for me.
Model: For heaven's sake, where is he?
Grandpa Collins: On top, that's where he is, on top. I taught him the three F's - flirtin', flyin' and photographin'


"The Bob Cummings Show: Bob Plays Margaret's Game (#5.13)" (1958)
Margaret MacDonald: My cupboards are full of food!
Bob Collins: Of which you are the chief consumer! If you'd get out of the kitchen and into the world, you might broaden your mind instead of your...
Margaret MacDonald: All right!

[discussing Margaret's son, Chuck]
Bob Collins: He's a man. And if you'd get off the griddle and into a girdle, you might catch one, too!

Margaret MacDonald: I'll have you know that the health club said in one month, I'd have the figure of an 18-year-old girl.
Bob Collins: The health... Well, don't take it - you'd only stretch it out of shape like you've done to this one!


"The Bob Cummings Show: Bob and Schultzy at Sea (#4.30)" (1958)
Flash Gruskin: I couldn't help but notice how popular you are with the girls.
Bob Collins: Well, I understand there are ten girls on board for every man.
Flash Gruskin: Have you seen anything of my ten?


"The Bob Cummings Show: Bob Becomes a Genius (#1.5)" (1955)
[last lines]
Bob Collins: Silence! Can't you see I'm being a genius?
Charmaine 'Schultzy' Schultz: You *are* a genius, boss.
Bob Collins: I really was. Wasn't I, Schultz?


"The Bob Cummings Show: Bob Goes Birdwatching (#4.26)" (1958)
[Discussing UFOs]
Bill Lear: Bob, I don't say there are saucers and I don't say there aren't. All I say is come along this afternoon and bring your camera.
Bob Collins: Oh? Come where, Bill?
Bill Lear: The Griffith Park Observatory. That's where the last sightings were made.
Bob Collins: [pointing to a woman on a chaise lounge] Let's face it, this is the only kind of heavenly body I photograph.
Bill Lear: That's because you want to be alone with a beautiful girl.
Bob Collins: That's right - I prefer a dish to a saucer.