Earl Hefner
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Quotes for
Earl Hefner (Character)
from Rocket Science (2007)

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Rocket Science (2007)
Hal Hefner: Could... uh, could... could you tell her that uh... I uh... I'm done with my... my ma... masturbation and she can see! Oh...
[Mrs. Ryerson shuts the door in his face]

Hal Hefner: And all it got me was... was a cello through her wi... window.
Ben Wekselbaum: You threw a cello? Through her window?
Hal Hefner: Yeah.
Ben Wekselbaum: How big was it?
Hal Hefner: I... I think it was sta... standard sym... symphony size.

Hal Hefner: There's a cello in your house now.

Hal Hefner: The big city is, uh, is, is Trenton?
Ben Wekselbaum: That's right

Hal Hefner: That's god doing your dry cleaning.
[smiles]
Hal Hefner: God does dry cleaning. He wears a smock.

Hal Hefner: It's one of those two, love or revenge, I'm not really sure which one. But it's one of those two that made me throw a cello through somebody's window, so you figure it out.

Hal Hefner: No, ah, do you wanna know what it is?
Ben Wekselbaum: Yeah, "What it is, is... "?
Hal Hefner: What it. What it is, is, ah. It's, ah... is, ah, is. No. What, what it is, is.
[shouting]
Hal Hefner: It's spirit crushing, I said!

Ben Wekselbaum: An actual cello?
Hal Hefner: Well, it took a bunch of throws but, but ah, you know, I'm good for a bunch.

Hal Hefner: [sees the Ryerson's approaching] There's a cello in your house now.

Hal Hefner: You know, Ginny said I won't be her real partner for months. And until then, I'm, like... the mascot. The disfluent mascot. The disfluent mascot who's not getting a BJ.
Heston: Like an aardvark.
Hal Hefner: No, that was a joke, Heston... there isn't a debate mascot.
Heston: I, for some reason, was convinced that it was an aardvark.
Hal Hefner: No.
Heston: C'est la vie.

Ginny Ryerson: Have you ever felt like you can burn the world down?
Hal Hefner: Every day.

Hal Hefner: Um... but I'll have a slice of the, of your, one of your, um, a slice of, the, the p-p... the... the the pizza.
Pizza Server: [puts one slice of pizza on a plate] You can pay me when you're through.
Hal Hefner: You know why don't I make it not just on... not jus not o-one not of the not one slice of the but uh I'll uh I'll have uh not one.
Pizza Server: I'm gonna close up in a bit, why don't you just take all three. Otherwise they're gettin' trashed.
[puts two more slices on the plate]
Hal Hefner: [raises hands in triumph] Yes...

Hal Hefner: You know, someday you'll find love and then everything will be different.

Townsend Secretary: Are you her little brother? You look like you could be her little brother.
Hal Hefner: I'm... her ex-lover.

Ben Wekselbaum: It's all so pointless. That's the realization I came to at States last year. Life is nothing but repetition, the same thing over and over. Somebody might give you a trophy and that's supposed to mean you're making progress but there's no such thing. The fights you fight today are the fights you fight untill you die.
Hal Hefner: Yeah, be that as it may.
Ben Wekselbaum: Sure, be that as it may...
Hal Hefner: Wait! It is not some college application bullshit that is, that is like the driving force here or any bullshit.
Ben Wekselbaum: I'm sure.

Earl Hefner: [Hal is taking a bath with the bathroom door locked; Earl is trying to break in] I hate you! Mommy and Judge Pete hate you! Daddy hates you! Melody, daddy's new girlfriend, hates you. That bottle was reposado, you doofus dunce! Uncle Chaz spent big bucks on that. Uncle Chaz hates you!
[Earl breaks into the room]
Earl Hefner: That's all I wanted to say. There's pineapple cake in the fridge. If you're late, I'll eat the whole cake, so don't be late.

Earl Hefner: Mommy, Mommy! Hal's freaking out in the garage! This is gonna turn out bad, I can feel it.