Henry Kissinger
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Quotes for
Henry Kissinger (Character)
from "Futurama" (1999)

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Nixon (1995)
Henry Kissinger: Can you imagine what this man would be like had anyone ever loved him?

Henry Kissinger: [to Chairman Mao] Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Richard M. Nixon: [on TV] ... because people have got to know whether or not their President is a crook. Well, I am not a crook.
Henry Kissinger: Oh, God, I think I'm going to throw up.

Henry Kissinger: If they harass you, I too would resign, and I would tell the world why.
Richard M. Nixon: Don't be stupid. The world needs you, Henry.

Henry Kissinger: If a Rockefeller can't be the President of the United States then what is the point of democracy?
Richard M. Nixon: The point of democracy is that even the son of a grocer can become president.
Nelson Rockefeller: And you came damn close, Dick. How are you?
Richard M. Nixon: Hi, John.
Nelson Rockefeller: New York treating you all right? I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you at all.
Richard M. Nixon: You're looking happy.
Nelson Rockefeller: Happy, Happy, Dick Nixon. You remember him.
Happy Rockefeller: Nice to see you again.
Richard M. Nixon: You're obviously making him happy.
Nelson Rockefeller: Repartee, Dick. That's marvelous.


"Futurama: War Is the H-Word (#3.2)" (2000)
Henry Kissinger's Head: Young man, you have the courage of a hero. And the breath of a fresh summer ham.

Richard Nixon's Head: Accompaning you will be our top peace negotiator, Henry Kissinger.
Henry Kissinger's Head: How are you?
Bender: Is he any good?
Richard Nixon's Head: Looking like that, he talked his way into Jill St. John's bed. Enough said.

Brain Balls: The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air, then he bounced 1.8 meters in the air, then he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear?
Henry Kissinger's Head: Mister Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

Henry Kissinger's Head: Young man, you have the courage of a hero. And breath as fresh as a summer ham.


Dick (1999)
Henry Kissinger: Excuse me, Mr. President. I was not informed that you were in the middle of... what the hell ARE you in the middle of?

Henry Kissinger: It's alright, gentlemen. I'm familiar with these two young ladies. Well, not "familiar", familiar, obviously.

Henry Kissinger: I'll take responsibility here. I'll be the only person in this administration who's willing to take responsibility for anything.


Watchmen (2009)
Richard Nixon: Bold moves, Henry. That's what's needed right now. We can't let these fuckers think we're weak!
Henry Kissinger: [Incredulous] Yes. They must fear the madman Richard Nixon.


"The Simpsons: $pringfield (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (#5.10)" (1993)
Mr. Burns: Thank you for visiting our plant, Dr. Kissinger.
Henry Kissinger: It was fun.
Smithers: We'll let you know if your glasses turn up.
Henry Kissinger: Yes, well, I'm sure I left them in the car.
[thinking]
Henry Kissinger: No one must know I dropped my glasses in the toilet. Not I, the man who drafted the Paris Peace Accords.