Uncle Martin
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Quotes for
Uncle Martin (Character)
from "My Favorite Martian" (1963)

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My Favorite Martian (1999)
Uncle Martin: You Earthlings don't know how lucky you are. The only water we get on Mars has to be squeezed from rocks.

Nurplex Kid: Mine! Gum.
Uncle Martin: Mine! Nerplex.

Uncle Martin: Blotz!

Uncle Martin: It's Lizzie. What's a Lizzie?
Zoot, Martin's Talking Space Suit: I'd say a Model T Ford, but this one's got better tires.

Uncle Martin: Tim, anything in this room strike you as odd?

Uncle Martin: Wake up, Tim. There's a big day ahead of us.
Tim O'Hara: It's still night time. You've been asleep for 30 seconds.
Uncle Martin: 30 seconds? I *was* tired!

Uncle Martin: Stop being such a wet blanket.
Zoot, Martin's Talking Space Suit: Hey, leave my mother out of this.

Uncle Martin: Martians use 100% of their brain while humans only use 10%.
Tim O'Hara: No, we're smarter than that.
Uncle Martin: Your astronauts pee in their spacesuits. Case closed.

Tim O'Hara: We use more than 10% of our brains.
Uncle Martin: Your astronauts pee in their spacesuits. Case closed.

Uncle Martin: I'm beginning to see a glim of potential among you Earthlings. One word of advice: You'll never completely advance as a culture until you take care of your oceans. And do away with daytime talk-shows.


"My Favorite Martian: My Favorite Martin (#1.1)" (1963)
Uncle Martin: [speaking to Tim about Earth people] You people baffle me. So illogical. So emotional. Earth's alright for a visit, but I wouldn't want to live here.

[last lines]
Uncle Martin: [breaking the 4th wall] Well, I guess this makes me the first Irishman from the planet Mars.


"My Favorite Martian: Russians R in Season (#1.4)" (1963)
[first lines]
Uncle Martin: [reading newspaper] Hmpf.
Tim O'Hara: [looking up from his bank statement] Hmm?
Uncle Martin: Did you say something?
Tim O'Hara: No, you did.
Uncle Martin: No, I distinctly heard you go "hmmm?".
Tim O'Hara: Oh, yeah. Well, that was after you went "hmpf."
Uncle Martin: Oh, did I?
Tim O'Hara: [goes back to bank statement] Uh huh.
Uncle Martin: [goes back to newspaper] Hmpf.
Tim O'Hara: Well, there! You did it again!
Uncle Martin: Tim, did you see this article? Your goverenment is spending two-billion dollars on a space program that cannot possibly be successful.
Tim O'Hara: [exasperated] Uncle Martin, I have in front of me, right here, my friendly bank statement. And over here I have my enemy checkbook. Now somewhere, between the two, a penny is lost, and the bank wants me to find it. Yes, Abraham Lincoln lost in a mayasma of devious mathematics, and you talk to me about two-billion dollars? Please, Uncle Martin, can we keep it quiet? And no more "hmpf".
Uncle Martin: [goes back to newspaper] Hmpf.

Uncle Martin: [government agents are persistently knocking on Tims' front door] Answer the door. You're making it worse!
Tim O'Hara: Uh, uh, just this one second! Uncle Martin? Uncle Martin, what do they want?
Uncle Martin: You.
Tim O'Hara: Me? Who? Why?
Uncle Martin: Russians are in season.


"My Favorite Martian: Uncle Martin's Wisdom Tooth (#1.37)" (1964)
[last lines]
Uncle Martin: [lying in bed, while looking up towards Mars] Sometimes it gets very lonely down here, - but in many ways, it's worth it.

Uncle Martin: Oculist? Who needs an oculist? I need a dentist!


"My Favorite Martian: Miss Jekyll and Hyde (#1.31)" (1964)
[Uncle Martin wants to evade Mrs. Brown's inquisitive niece]
Tim O'Hara: Uncle Martin, what's the matter with you?
Uncle Martin: Tim, up until thirty minutes ago, I couldn't even disappear. She won't let me out of her sight. I think she's got eyes in the back of her head.
Tim O'Hara: Oh. Well, maybe she's from another planet, too. Ha!
Uncle Martin: No, no, no. She's from Cincinnati.


"My Favorite Martian: Martian Report #1 (#2.18)" (1965)
[last lines]
Uncle Martin: What's the matter, Tim?
Tim O'Hara: Nothing, nothing, I was, uh, I was just thinking - you know, you *are* my favorite Martian.


"My Favorite Martian: There Is No Cure for the Common Martian (#1.3)" (1963)
Uncle Martin: How Earthy can a Martian get?


"My Favorite Martian: Now You See It, Now You Don't (#1.19)" (1964)
[Uncle Martin mentions reading an artist's mind over 4,000 years ago]
Tim O'Hara: I also thought you said you were only four-hundred-and-fifty years old.
Uncle Martin: Four-hundred-and-fifty *Martian* years. Each year consisting of three-hundred weeks. Each week made up of eight-thousand, six-hundred-and-seventy-two days.
Tim O'Hara: Must be murder when relatives drop in for a weekend.
Uncle Martin: A man has to be pretty fast with a fork.


"My Favorite Martian: Hitch-Hiker to Mars (#1.21)" (1964)
[the president of Inter-Galaxy Corporation is planning a rocket launch to Mars, on which Uncle Martin wants to be a stowaway]
Uncle Martin: His decision to send the rocket to Mars is not a mistake.
Tim O'Hara: Yeah, well, I hope he gets off the dime pretty soon because if he doesn't, you're not going to be able to go back and celebrate with your folks back on Mars, with their favorite son and my favorite Martian.


"My Favorite Martian: The Awful Truth (#1.8)" (1963)
[first lines]
Tim O'Hara: [watches Uncle Martin levitate a cup and saucer] Does everyone on Mars have all of your powers?
Uncle Martin: Of course. On Mars, powers are merely the facts of life.
Tim O'Hara: On Earth we have the facts of life, too, but compared to yours, the birds and bees are for the birds.
Uncle Martin: I know what you're thinking, Tim, but you just can't have one. You're not ready, yet.


"My Favorite Martian: Man or Amoeba (#1.5)" (1963)
[first lines]
Uncle Martin: [waiting while Tim prepares dinner] A little late with dinner tonight, aren't you, Tim?
Tim O'Hara: Well, I had to work late tonight, and dinner doesn't cook itself.
Uncle Martin: On Mars it does.


"My Favorite Martian: Who Am I? (#1.18)" (1964)
Uncle Martin: [feeling homesick] I'm anxious to see my birthplace, again - to breathe that deoxygenated air, - to see my girlfriend.
Tim O'Hara: [surprised] Well, you never told me that you had a girlfriend.
Uncle Martin: You never asked me. You ought to see her, Tim. She makes your beauty contest winners look like Marines.
Tim O'Hara: Oh, a real doll, huh?
Uncle Martin: [nods in agreement] She's only three-hundred-and-twelve years old. Doesn't look a day over two-eighty.
Tim O'Hara: Oh! Robbing the cradle!
Uncle Martin: You're pretty smug for someone who can't even read minds.


"My Favorite Martian: The Matchmakers (#1.2)" (1963)
[last lines]
Uncle Martin: [lamenting] What a planet for me to get marooned on.


"My Favorite Martian: Go West, Young Martian: Part 2 (#3.2)" (1965)
Uncle Martin: Ah, ah, Miss Glutz. Um, my nephew and I were wondering if, uh, you perhaps could use a couple of extra hands.
Loralee Glutz: Oh, good heavens no. One for each arm is plenty, thank you.


"My Favorite Martian: Rocket to Mars (#1.9)" (1963)
Uncle Martin: [in a panic over his lost spaceship] Well, now we know what happened. Somehow, she gave those junkmen the wrong key to the wrong garage. But which junkmen? That's the question.
Tim O'Hara: Well, couldn't you read her mind?
Uncle Martin: Tim, trying to read Mrs. Brown's mind is like trying to read a can of alphabet soup. All the letters are there, but they don't spell anything!