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Quotes for
Irene Roberts (Character)
from "Home and Away" (1988)

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"Home and Away: Episode #1.1545" (1994)
Tug: [after Alf gets his big toe caught in Jack's mousetrap and cries out in pain] Hey, Irene! Quick! He's havin' a stroke or somethin'!
Irene: Oh My God! Quick, Damian! Ring an ambulance!
Alf: [Visibly in pain] No... No stroke! Toe!
Irene: What?
Alf: [Tug comes closer and sees the Mousetrap] Get it off me toe! Get it off!
Tug: [laughs] Hey, he's got a mouse trap...
Alf: Oh, shut up you fool and get it off!
Damian: [hangs up the phone and turns to Jack] This is the end, okay? You're on your own.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1376" (1994)
Irene: A cheap lush! The blasted hide of 'im!
Nathan: It's alright, Mum. *We* know you're not cheap!
Irene: Nathan, that isn't funny!
[hits him]


"Home and Away: Episode #1.6089" (2014)
Irene: What is gramping?
Chris: Camping with oldies.
Irene: [to Roo] See what I have to deal with?


"Home and Away: Episode #1.4101" (2006)
Graham Walters: [after marrying Amanda] A bottle of your finest bubbly, please!
Alf Stewart: Oh, got something to celebrate, do you?
Graham Walters: Yes, we do. Everybody, I'd like to introduce Mrs. Amanda Walters.
[Alf, Irene and Colleen stare in shock]
Graham Walters: We just couldn't wait to share our love for each other.
Alf Stewart: Well... Let me be the first to congratulate you.
Irene Roberts: [nods slowly] Yeah, that's... wow.
Graham Walters: Colleen?
[Colleen simply stares, then downs the rest of her drink]
Colleen Smart: Wait until Madge Wilkins hears about this!
[storms out]


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1561" (1994)
Rob: G'day, Alf come on in.
Alf: [gets a whiff of the Garlic in the air] Hogan's Ghost! You're not gonna be attacked by Vampires for a while, are ya?
Rob: Irene's Magic Mixture; "Guaranteed Cure-All".
[goes upstairs]
Alf: I tell you what, Irene. If you've got any of that muck left, give us a hoy; I can sell it off as Paint stripper!
Irene: [sarcastic] Ha, Ha. Everyone's a comedian but Mark my words; Rob'll be tuckin' into his Tempura in no time!


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1845" (1996)
Selina Roberts: [Selina receives a phone call from Saul] Irene, It's him again.
Irene Roberts: Right.
[Takes receiver from her]
Irene Roberts: Now get this into your thick head, Sicko. We don't wanna see ya, We don't wanna hear from ya. If you come near Selina one more time, I will do you such physical damage, You're gonna have more chance of giving birth to a baby than *fatherin'* one!
[hangs up]
Irene Roberts: That should sort him out.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.5502" (2012)
Irene: April, you're already not talking to each other.What is the worst that can happen?
April: She'll leave town and I'll never see her or the baby?


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1605" (1994)
Irene: [the speed boat stops] What's the matter?
Rob: She's snuffed it!
Irene: Rob, if this some sort of stupid joke to make me nervous...
Rob: It's *no* joke
Irene: Well, what's the matter? Has it run out of petrol or somethin'?
Rob: No, it was a full tank!
Irene: What's the matter with it then?
Rob: I don't know!
Irene: Well, you better hurry up and *find out*, Mate. If we keep driftin' at this rate, we'll be spendin' Boxing Day in New Zealand!


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1395" (1994)
Nathan: [Irene comes home, knowing of Nathan's theft] That you, Mum? You get everything?
[silence]
Nathan: Mum?
Irene: [walks into the living room] Get up.
Nathan: What?
Irene: [yelling] I said *Get up*!
Nathan: What's your problem?
[Irene grabs his magazine]
Nathan: Hey, lay off me magazine!
Irene: I don't give a *stuff* about your magazine!
[pushes him]
Irene: Now get in your room and pack your bags!
Nathan: What?
Irene: You heard! I want you out, Pronto!
Nathan: What's going on?
Irene: What's goin' on?; Your leavin' town, you're movin' out!
[pokes him in the chest]
Nathan: [sniffs Irene's breath] You been drinkin' or somethin'?
[Irene grabs his vest]
Irene: Don't you get smart with *me*! I have had it up to *here* with you and your pathetic games!
Nathan: I dunno what anybody's told you...
Irene: I don't why I didn't see it sooner! Lookin' at you lounging on the couch, stuffing your face with that sandwich! Do You know what you are? A Lazy, Devious, Good-for-nothing crook, that's what!
Nathan: Have you been listening to Damian? Has he been spreadin' stories about me?
Irene: Nothing I shouldn't have seen coming years ago!
Nathan: I'm gonna kill him!
Irene: [grabs Nathan again] You won't touch a hair on his head! He's worthy twenty of you! *Fifty*! Now get out of my sight!
Nathan: Listen mum, I know what Damian's told you but it's not true. He's just trying to get back at me.
Irene: I'm ashamed of ya. That's all I am. Ya make me *sick*! The trust I put in you all these years. Nothing was too much trouble and *this* is how you repay me! And not just me; all of us. You don't give a *toss* about anyone except yourself!
[tosses him clothes]
Irene: Now start packin'! You've got ten minutes and I never ever wanna see your ugly mug again!
[Nathan slinks off to his room]


"Home and Away: Episode #1.5800" (2013)
Irene: Option one:You keep pushing those feelings down until he leaves town.
Marilyn: Well, that sounds really sad.
Irene: Mmm.Safe but sad.
Marilyn: Or?
Irene: Or option two:You lay your cards on the table.You tell him how you really feel.
Marilyn: Oh, well, that sounds really scary!Uh, how about option three:I do nothing except help John stay in Summer Bay?
Irene: That sounds really gutless.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.4629" (2008)
Irene: Since when has Annie been so chummy with Nicole?
Geoff: Er, since Nicole turned up on the doorstep with a bag full of clothes.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.6185" (2015)
Irene: Not to mention his dad is still in hospital.
John: But you did mention it.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1445" (1994)
Irene: [Another bidder puts in an offer for the Beach House] Who's that?
Luke: Joe Banks the Butcher in Yabbie Creek.
Irene: Yeah, well I've just become a vegetarian!


"Home and Away: Episode #1.3189" (2001)
Noah Lawson: It's Leah. She's gone into labour.
Irene Roberts: What?
Alf Stewart: Hogan's Ghost!


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1384" (1994)
Irene: [after a fish she caught gets away] You know what went swimmin' out to sea with a big hunk of prawn in its gob?
Damian: What?
Irene: That Microwave Oven I've always dreamed about... Ah, well never mind.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1449" (1994)
Luke: You can't have a proper shower in two minutes.
Tug: It takes him an hour and a half to wash his hair!
Irene: Well he's gonna have to get himself a crew cut, isn't he?


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1530" (1994)
Irene: [after finding out Damian is the cheat and Don suspends him] One Week... You deserve to be *flogged*! How *dare* you do something so *stupid*!
Michael: Irene, just hang on a second...
Irene: Since *when* have you needed to *cheat*? You've got more brains in your head than the rest of the school put together! Now you just go and *blow* it!
[Damian runs]
Irene: No, you don't!
[Irene tries to grab him but he gets away]


"Home and Away: Episode #1.6054" (2014)
Irene: Whatever you're thinking, unthink it.
Chris: When have you known me think anything?


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1695" (1995)
Alf: [Showing Irene, Pippa, Michael, Teresa and Don a tribal statute he brought back from Fiji] You stick it on your front doorstep and it stops the evil spirits from comin' into your house.
Irene: Yeah, well I never open me door to those religious blokes in suits anyway.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.4623" (2008)
Colleen: I'm not a mind reader.
Irene: No, you're not. You'd need a mind to be one of them.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.1609" (1995)
Irene: [Jack and Curtis have rigged Irene's costume with Christmas lights] Boys, It's gettin' hot... It's gettin' hot! Get it off me!
Jack: Whoa, settle down Irene!
Irene: Get it off me!
Jack: Just slow down, Irene
Curtis: Just hold still!
Irene: *You* hold still! It's bleedin' hot!
[the boys frantically help Irene remove the costume, meanwhile Rob and Donna walk in and turn on the lights and find The Boys undressing Irene]
Rob: Have we come at a bad moment?
Irene: Oh, my god!
[runs embarassed into bathroom while Jack and Curtis laugh]


"Home and Away: Episode #1.5970" (2014)
Irene: [On Chris] If you find him one day with an axe in the back of his head, I did it.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.5868" (2013)
Chris: Don't you tell me how to heal!
Irene: What?
Chris: [Gesturing to the television] I just heard that line.


"Home and Away: Episode #1.5916" (2014)
Irene: Chris Harrington needs some lovin' in his life and I'm gonna give it to him.
[Beat]
Irene: Sounded wrong, didn't it?