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Girl going to class
: Professor Altman is wonderful. He's really with it, if you know what I mean. Totally. He gave us a lecture on The Who. Rick Simon
: Who? Girl going to class
: [after impatiently waiting for his brother's arrival
] You sure are slow, A.J. Guess that's why mom had you second.
Medical Examiner Jerry Reiner
: [Poking and prodding Rick on the examination table
] How does that feel? Rick Simon
: How does what feel? Medical Examiner Jerry Reiner
: [Looks to A.J
] I'm not really used to talking to my patients.
: [Recovered from his delusions
] I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm go over there and give Altman a little test of my own, a little five-finger exercise
] Rick Simon
: . Him and Jolly Roger filling me full of joy juice! Andrew Jackson 'A.J.' Simon
: Well, it's nice to have him back.
[in camouflage and face paint, Rick and A.J. are on a stakeout of a nudist colony for a client with a missing person case
] Andrew Jackson 'A.J.' Simon
: [Rick is peering through binoculars
] What do you see? Rick Simon
: Two heavily-armed naked guys. Andrew Jackson 'A.J.' Simon
: Heidi wasn't kidding when she talked about security, was she? Rick Simon
: Oh, great. They got a dog. He's naked too.
Andrew Jackson 'A.J.' Simon
: Alright Rick, you can admit it. You think nudity is dirty, don't you? Rick Simon
: No I don't. Not if it's done right. It's just... nudity is something that ought to be done in private. You know, between two people... in the privacy of their own home... and a magazine. Andrew Jackson 'A.J.' Simon
: Rick? Rick Simon
: Yeah? Andrew Jackson 'A.J.' Simon
: If you weren't my brother, I'd be afraid to be sitting here alone in the bushes with you.
: [walks into Rick and A.J.'s office
] Hiya boys! Andrew Jackson 'A.J.' Simon
: Uncle Buddy! How nice to see you. What can we do for you? Bud Krelman
: [shakes Rick's hand
] Rick, nice to see ya boy. A.J.,
[proceeds to shake A.J.'s hand and notices a shiner and bandage over his eye
] Bud Krelman
: holy mackerel!
[clears his throat
] Bud Krelman
: I want to hire you fellas. Edie's been cheatin' on me. She just ripped off our joint bank account for five grand and I need your help. I want a divorce. Rick Simon
: [scene cuts to all three walking outside on a sidewalk and a small footbridge
] Well, we'd love to help you out Bud but don't you think there's a little bit of conflict of interest here? I mean we are working for Edie. Bud Krelman
: Well, you guys are the only dicks I know.
] Bud Krelman
: I mean investigators. Anyway, we both got the same lawyer.