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: We're gonna close the store. Barnaby Tucker
: Close the store? Cornelius Hackl
: We have to, 'cause some rotten cans of chicken mash are going to explode. Barnaby Tucker
: Holy cabooses, how do you know? Cornelius Hackl
: Because I'm gonna light some candles under them.
: I've lost everything: my job, my future, everything people *think* is important, but I don't care - because even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I shall be a ditch-digger who once had a wonderful day.
: Cornelius Hackl here. Barnaby Tucker
: Barnaby Tucker here. Irene Molloy
: Irene Malloy here.
: [infatuated with Irene
] Well, you see, we're two ladies about town and we're looking for a had to Malloy and... Barnaby Tucker
: We're hats, you see, and we're looking for a lady to Malloy with for the af... Cornelius Hackl
: [signals Barnaby to be quiet
] We want a hat!
: Look, I'm dancing!
[carelessly backs into a chair and falls
] Cornelius Hackl
: Uh, I was.
Fritz, German waiter
: And what would you like, sir. Cornelius Hackl
: Six months off for good behavior.
: I've never touched a woman before. Irene Molloy
: You still haven't. That's my corset.
: Corneilius Hackl! What are you doing in New York? Cornelius Hackl
: Oh, I'm just delivering some oats. Horace
: Delivering some oats? With my former intended? You're discharged! Cornelius Hackl
: You can't fire me. I quit! Irene Molloy
: So do I! Horace
: Barnaby Tucker, you're discharged. Barnaby Tucker
: You can't fire me. I quit! Minnie Fay
: So do I!
: Smile Barnaby. Barnaby Tucker
: [forcing a smile
] I'm smiling. Cornelius Hackl
: Look rich, gay, and charming. Barnaby Tucker
: [a small beat
] I'm looking gay and charming.
: Barnaby, you don't know anything about women. Barnaby Tucker
: Only that we can't afford them.
: Mr. Vandergelder is a substantial man they tell me, and very well-liked. Cornelius Hackl
: Oh, he's a lovely man. Irene Molloy
: And a large circle of friends. Cornelius Hackl
: Oh, yes indeed. Five or six. Barnaby Tucker