Horace Vandergelder
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Quotes for
Horace Vandergelder (Character)
from Hello, Dolly! (1969)

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Hello, Dolly! (1969)
Horace: Advice is cheap, Ms. Molloy. It's the things that come gift wrapped that count!

Horace: It takes a woman all powdered and pink to joyously clean out the drain in the sink!

Dolly Levi: Here, let me cut your wings!
Horace: I don't want my wings cut!
Dolly Levi: No man does, Horace, no man does.

Horace: I'm going to march in the 14th street parade with the only kind of people I can trust: 700 men.

Horace: Eighty percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in danger of contamination.

Dolly Levi: Hello! Hello there, how are you? Oh Hello!
Horace: You know too many people.
Dolly Levi: Total strangers!
Horace: Then why do you greet them?
Dolly Levi: It makes me feel good to have so many friends.
Horace: Oh, say hello for me too then.
Dolly Levi: I already did.

Horace: You are a seven-foot-tall nincompoop!
Ambrose Kemper: That's an insult!
Horace: All the facts about you are insults!

Gussie Granger: [dressed as Ernestina Simple] What do you mean, oysters aren't *in season*? Anyone can have oysters *in season*, I want them out of season!
Horace: They don't have any Miss Simple.
Gussie Granger: Then tell them to go out and dig for some!

Ermengarde Vandergelder: But if I can't marry Ambrose, I know I'll die!
Horace: Of what?
Ermengarde Vandergelder: A broken heart.
Horace: Never heard of it.

Horace: Mrs. Malloy, I shan't bother you again. And I hope vice versa.

Horace: Dolly Levi, you are a damned exasperating woman.
Dolly Levi: Why Horace Vandergelder. That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me. Ha ha.

Horace: Corneilius Hackl! What are you doing in New York?
Cornelius Hackl: Oh, I'm just delivering some oats.
Horace: Delivering some oats? With my former intended? You're discharged!
Cornelius Hackl: You can't fire me. I quit!
Irene Molloy: So do I!
Horace: Barnaby Tucker, you're discharged.
Barnaby Tucker: You can't fire me. I quit!
Minnie Fay: So do I!

Horace: Any man who goes to a big city deserves what happens to him.

Horace: I've worked hard and I've become rich and friendless and mean. In America, that's about as far as you can go.