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: Oh, you a funny man, Al, a pain in the ass but a funny man. Al Lewis
: You know what your trouble is, Willy? You always took the jokes too seriously. It was just jokes. We did comedy on the stage for 43 years. I don't think you enjoyed it once. Willy Clark
: If I was there to enjoy it, I would buy a ticket.
: You know what you are? You're a 73-year-old putz. Willy Clark
: At least the putz didn't drive all the way here from New Jersey!
: How do you do, Mr. Lewis. I'm Ben Clark, Willy's nephew. Al Lewis
: [shaking hands
] Oh?... oh! Willy's nephew Ben. Sure, hello. How are you? Ben Clark
: Fine, sir. Al Lewis
: Good, good. You're Willy's nephew Ben. How are you? Ben Clark
: Fine, sir, very good. It was nice of you to see me. Al Lewis
: Really? When was that? Ben Clark
: [after a pause
] Ben Clark
: Heh, heh, it was nice of you to see me today. Al Lewis
: Certainly. Today is fine. As a matter of fact, I was expecting you today. Mrs. Doris Green, Al's Daughter
: Please sit down, Mr. Clark. Al Lewis
: Why doesn't he sit down? Ben Clark
: [sitting down
] Thank you very much.
: [on the phone
] Doris, I want you to pick me up now. I don't want to discuss it. Pick me up. He pulled a knife on me - a kitchen knife! It was still dirty from breakfast!
: The man yells at me on stage and gets a million laughs. He yells at me off the stage - he gets a heart attack.
: [arguing over changing a line in their sketch
] What's wrong with saying "enter" instead of "come in?" Al Lewis
: Because it's different. Do you know why we did this sketch for 43 years, Willy? Because it's good. Willy Clark
: And do you know why we're not doing it anymore? Because we've been doing it for 43 years. Al Lewis
: If we're not doing it anymore, why are we changing it? Willy Clark
: You know what's wrong with you, Lewis? You've been sitting on a New Jersey porch for too long. You're out of touch. From my window here
[opens up window
] Willy Clark
: I see everything that's going on in the world. Look! I see old people, I see young people, nice people, bad people. I see hold-ups! I see drug addicts! Ambulances! Car crashes! Jumpers from buildings! I see everything! You see... a lawn mower... and the milkman. Al Lewis
: That's why you want to say "enter" instead of "come in?"
: I invented comedy! Al Lewis
: The same night you designed the Titanic.
: [Talking about his daughter
] Tell her that I'm never leaving New Jersey again. Tell her I'm sorry they built the-the bridge and the tunnel.
: Was it your idea to be sort of a straight man? Al Lewis
: No, he just said the jokes before I could get them out.
: [Entering the dining room
] Haven't been in the Friars' Club in years. Nancy Clark
: Oh, really? Still a member? Al Lewis
: Yeah, until I die. Then I'll quit.