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: Lousy Japs, they lost the war, now they send us their junk!
: Oh, you a funny man, Al, a pain in the ass but a funny man. Al Lewis
: You know what your trouble is, Willy? You always took the jokes too seriously. It was just jokes. We did comedy on the stage for 43 years. I don't think you enjoyed it once. Willy Clark
: If I was there to enjoy it, I would buy a ticket.
: You know what you are? You're a 73-year-old putz. Willy Clark
: At least the putz didn't drive all the way here from New Jersey!
: Well, you know, people don't go out to New Jersey unless they have to.
: Come in... and *enter*!
: [talking about his ex-partner, Al Lewis
] As an act, nobody could touch him. As a human being, nobody WANTED to touch him!
Man on Street
: Hey, Willy, what're you doin' Downtown? Willy Clark
: [yelling as he hurries past him
] I'm workin'! What the hell are you doin'? Man on Street
: [to his companion
] He's working!
: I'm getting chest pains. You give me chest pains! Willy Clark
: It's my fault you get excited? Ben Clark
: Yes! I only get chest pains on Wednesdays! Willy Clark
: So come Tuesdays.
: You're not supposed to eat pickles. It's high sodium. Willy Clark
: I spit out the sodium.
: 60-40! All right! 60-40! I get $6000; he gets $4000. What the hell can he buy in New Jersey anyway?
: [arguing over changing a line in their sketch
] What's wrong with saying "enter" instead of "come in?" Al Lewis
: Because it's different. Do you know why we did this sketch for 43 years, Willy? Because it's good. Willy Clark
: And do you know why we're not doing it anymore? Because we've been doing it for 43 years. Al Lewis
: If we're not doing it anymore, why are we changing it? Willy Clark
: You know what's wrong with you, Lewis? You've been sitting on a New Jersey porch for too long. You're out of touch. From my window here
[opens up window
] Willy Clark
: I see everything that's going on in the world. Look! I see old people, I see young people, nice people, bad people. I see hold-ups! I see drug addicts! Ambulances! Car crashes! Jumpers from buildings! I see everything! You see... a lawn mower... and the milkman. Al Lewis
: That's why you want to say "enter" instead of "come in?"
: The finger! The finger!
: I invented comedy! Al Lewis
: The same night you designed the Titanic.
: [to Al
] If you're bored in New Jersey, you're already retired.
: You're a funny man, Al. A pain in the ass but a funny man.