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: Are you here now because you got a good job? Jack Cutting
: No. Mia Mason
: Well, 'cause that's what it sounds like. You see me on some level, and if you're not on that level or above, then you can't be with me. Jack Cutting
: You're reading too much into it.
: Am I ready to be a parent, which I would have to do with this other parent, Olivia, who already hates me and is my doppelganger? Mia Mason
: I didn't think she was that pretty.
: Liz, I know that you came here to show me that this is your territory now, but the fact that you had to make an appearance when you knew I'd be here, proves that it's not. Liz Morin
: Aww. You just can't handle that Jack's moved on. Mia Mason
: And you can't admit that you're the rebound girl. Enjoy the bounce.
: [holds up a scarf
] Oh, this what you were looking for? Thanks for letting me borrow it. I got a lot of compliments on it. Mia Mason
: Don't you have any clothes of your own? Liz Morin
: I really don't wear much when I'm here. Mia Mason
: Could you not talk much when you're here? I don't even know how you can, without a teleprompter.
: Maybe this is the universe telling me things aren't over between me and Jack. Caitlin Dowd
: Please don't go by the universe. Every time I've done that, I end up in a strange apartment, hunting for my thong.
: My girlfriend is pregnant. My girlfriend is pregnant. You say it. Mia Mason
: Your girlfriend is pregnant. Caitlin Dowd
: No. It still sounds crazy. I mean, what do I do? Do I stay with her? What does that make me, other mommy? Mommy Two? Mia Mason
: Bitch. Caitlin Dowd
: I think I prefer Mommy Two.
: There's a new blog out called 'Regrets Only' which posts gossip on women in business. Read what the latest post has. Zoe Burden
: [reading from the printout
] "Which Lily Parish Cosmetic executive has been seen canoodoling all over town with her hot, chocolate ad agency rep? These ladies are sharing more than makeup tips." Mia Mason
: Canoodoling? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Caitlin Dowd
: Never mind. "Hot chocolate"? What does that make me? Mia Mason
: A marshmellow?
: Oh my God! Mia Mason
: What? "Oh my God, good?" Or, "oh my God, bad?" Caitlin Dowd
: Oh my God, crap!
: No right-minded woman with the ability to kill this cover wouldn't kill this cover. Todd McDonnell
: You're killing the cover? Mia Mason
: No, you're killing it. Todd McDonnell
: It's a great cover, Mia. It's loud, it's obnoxious. It's going to make a huge splash. I woun't kill it unless you order me to. Mia Mason
: Don't you think we're sending the wrong message here? Shouldn't we be telling men that they shouldn't be so threatened when a woman succeeds? That a woman can work hard and be good at what she does? As good as a man. You know what? Sometimes, even better. And that that man will respect me and love me, maybe even love me more? Not just run away and never call, not even to say, "Hey, how ya doing, how's the job and oh, God, I'm sorry we didn't get married, but I'm still thinking about you!" Huh? How about that? Todd McDonnell
: Are we still talking about the magazine cover? Mia Mason
: It's not bad enough I'm slammed at work. I get outed as a blind item in this ridiculous blog? Whatever happened to a woman's right to kiss another woman in public without it being posted all over the internet? I hate the freaking internet! Mia Mason
: Stop it! You're spinning. Caitlin Dowd
: I know! But I was just exploring all of this, and now I'm a parlor game for bored assistants. And, I haven't heard from Alicia for days. I don't even know what she's thinking. Mia Mason
: The phone works both ways. You can call her. I'm sure she's wondering what you're thinking. Caitlin Dowd
: Why is there a man about to be eaten by a woman on the cover of my magazine? Todd McDonnell
: It's the zeitgeist. Female execs are taking over. Movie studios, Silicon Valley, maybe our next president, God help us. The whole paradigm is flipped. Men are holding on for dear life. They want help. Mia Mason
: I'm sure they do. And I get that controversy sells, but honesty? Corporate women are faceless cannibals? Who thinks like that? Todd McDonnell
: All men.
: [to Juliet
] So, this is it? This is really going to happen? You're going to do it? Mia Mason
: Of course she is. Zoe Burden
: Look, I'm all for fighting fire with fire. But revenge sex? I mean, doesn't that seem a little "Yuck"? Mia Mason
: If your husband cheats on you, you're officially entitled to one free "yuck." It's the law.
: I don't think having a dog is... sorry... an animal companion is about being ready, or who you live with, or how much you work, or how many pets you have... I think it's about feeling something. I mean, how do I explain this bond that I have with this dog that I met three days ago who just lies there like a lump and has really smelly breath? But I do. I just think that feeling is so rare... with a man, with a friend, with a dog, with a job... that when you find it, you just can't let it go.
: I think that we should be in each others' systems, right from the start. You know? Like, we want to be with each other all the time. Jason Chung
: So, what are you saying? Mia Mason
: I'm saying that yes, I agree with you. It's a little weird that I'm so obsessed with this dog. Jason Chung
: Okay, good... Mia Mason
: But, it feels so great to be crazy about someone you just met. And frankly, I don't think that we feel that way about each other. Jason Chung
: I don't know if I've ever felt that way about anyone. Mia Mason
: Well, you will. I think this is goodnight, Jason.
: I've always wanted to own a dog, but I never thought I had the time. Animal Handler
: We don't say owner. We say "guardian" or "life companion." "Owner" implies dogs are property, instead of living beings in their own right. Mia Mason
: Okay, well then, I've always wanted to be a life companion to a dog. Animal Handler
: So, could you please list all your previous pets, starting with childhood. Mia Mason
: Are you kidding? Chinese families aren't even allowed to wear shoes in the house.
: OK. I'll say it. You're nervous about mixing friends and business. Juliet Draper
: I am not!
] Juliet Draper
: Okay, I am... a little. Caitlin Dowd
: We always mix friends and business. We do! We just did. Isn't that the point?
: Mia got the job, and Jack called it off. Caitlin Dowd
: Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. And screw him. Mia Mason
: Well, not anymore
: You know, that's what I hate about working with women. Mia Mason
: What? Jack Cutting
: You make like you're playing by the rules, but when push comes to shove, out come the little looks and the sexy little signals.
: I have a teleconference with Tokyo. I gotta run. I love you. Zoe Burden
: My nanny quit. Mia Mason
: Oh, no... Zoe Burden
: A whole thing... Juliet Draper
: I have to have sex with Davis. Caitlin Dowd
, Zoe Burden
, Mia Mason
: OH! Juliet Draper
: He's going on a business trip tomorrow. It's superstitious good luck thing with us. Mia Mason
: Kind of like a little bone-voyage?
: It's not winning without you. Jack Cutting
: Sorry Mia.
: What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on your "lady date"? Caitlin Dowd
: I screwed it up! We ran into this guy I used to go out with and I should have told him to get lost, but I didn't. Mia Mason
: Ugh! Caitlin Dowd
: I know! I just stood there, this guy I used to go out with on one side of me, and this girl I'm going out with on the other side of me, and I'm thinking to myself, "Do I even know how to have a relationship?" 'Cause I don't think I do! My life is like a romantic comedy that's never romantic... or comedic. My life is nothing like a romantic comedy!
: [to Caitlin
] You're gay now? Mia Mason
: Oh, she's not gay. You know what? She's hip. It's the thing to do. It's like when everyone was pregnant, you know. Lesbians are the new babies. Caitlin Dowd
: Excuse me, can the possible lesbian answer that question? I don't know if I'm gay or I'm straight. I don't want to join a union yet or anything. I met someone I like. It happens to be a woman. That's all I got. Just please, be supportive. I don't want your opinion or permission. And don't act like this never happened to any of you. Mia Mason
: Well, I went to Wellesley. It's practically part of the curriculum. Zoe Burden
: I made out with Jenny McGruber at summer camp. She was really good at lanyard. I had some amazing plastic jewelry that summer. Juliet Draper
: I was trying to process one lesbian...
[stares at Mia and Zoe
] Juliet Draper
: Now I have three.
: Let's do you next. What man do you want from this list? Caitlin Dowd
: I'm good. Zoe Burden
: What? What do you mean "You're good?" You're never "good". Caitlin Dowd
: Thanks a lot. I am... have a date. Zoe Burden
: Really? Juliet Draper
: You did mention last week you kissed someone. Mia Mason
: You've been holding out on us. With whom? Caitlin Dowd
: With a woman.
[Mia, Zoe, and Juliet all stare wide-eyed and shocked at Caitlin
] Mia Mason
: You really have been holding out on us!
: Is Jack going to be there? Mia Mason
] No. Jason Chung
: Any other old boyfriends? Mia Mason
: No. Just my closest girlfriends. Jason Chung
: Anything else I need to know? Mia Mason
: It's a dinner, not a procedure. Jason Chung
: Everything's a procedure.