Adam Rhodes
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Quotes for
Adam Rhodes (Character)
from "Rules of Engagement" (2007)

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"Rules of Engagement: Jen at Work (#2.11)" (2008)
Audrey Bingham: Hot tub? Jeff, you know those are bad for your sperm.
Jeff Bingham: Nice meal time topic, Audrey.
Adam Rhodes: Yeah, Audrey, it's kind of gross. So what's up with your sperm?
Jeff Bingham: I think you're making Jennifer uncomfortable.
Jennifer: Well, what's going on down there? I mean are your guys weak or is it failure to launch?
Jeff Bingham: I don't want to talk about my junk.
Audrey Bingham: It's not a big deal. They're our friends. We had a fertility test a while back and Jeff's boys were a little slow.
Jennifer: I didn't even know you guys were trying.
Audrey Bingham: Well, we're trying to be trying. The doctor gave Jeff a list of things he should do like wearing loose underwear, taking supplements and staying out of hot tubs.
Jeff Bingham: Yeah, and I've been doing most of that. I just fell off the wagon a little bit.
Audrey Bingham: What's a little bit?
Jeff Bingham: I may have forgotten to refill the supplements and when I play softball I wear tighty whiteys.
Audrey Bingham: God, Are you kidding?
Jeff Bingham: I tried wearing boxers but when I ran it felt like someone was shooting dice in my pants.

Russell Dunbar: Hey, what's up?
Adam Rhodes: Hey, did you rearrange your furniture?
Russell Dunbar: Oh yeah, I porn shuied the whole office.
Adam Rhodes: You what?
Russell Dunbar: I porn shuied it. That's when you rearrange your furniture so that people can't see what's on your computer screen
Adam Rhodes: Porn shui?
Russell Dunbar: Yeah, I invented it.
Adam Rhodes: You are a very deep guy.
Russell Dunbar: Yet I don't mean to be.

Adam Rhodes: What are you doing in my office?
Russell Dunbar: Aah, I'm just checking some e-mail. My computer crashed.
Adam Rhodes: How much porn did you download?
Russell Dunbar: All of it? Oh crap, there's Jennifer. Better get this porn off your computer.
Adam Rhodes: I thought you were checking e-mail.
Russell Dunbar: Don't be stupid.

Jeff Bingham: Super sperm.
Adam Rhodes: And the doctor actually used those words?
Jeff Bingham: Yes he did. It's like a koi pond down there.
Russell Dunbar: Waitress, could you cancel my fish and chips please?
Adam Rhodes: I thought your boys were slow?
Jeff Bingham: Turns out they were just mild mannered like Clark Kent


"Rules of Engagement: Kids (#1.5)" (2007)
Adam: Stupid, stupid future!

Adam Rhodes: Stupid, stupid future!


"Rules of Engagement: Russell's Father's Son (#2.13)" (2008)
Jeff Bingham: How great would it be if I cracked this open and a chicken flew out?
Adam Rhodes: That would be unbelievable. We would be talking about it forever.
Jeff Bingham: Plus I'd sue this place for millions, buy a house in the woods, maybe a boat.
Adam Rhodes: Aah man, why didn't I order an egg?
Jeff Bingham: And I'd have to grow some corn.
Adam Rhodes: Why?
Jeff Bingham: To feed the million dollar chicken, that's my boy.
Audrey Bingham: So, this is an actual conversation?
Jeff Bingham: Hey, you're the one who always ask me what I'm thinking about
Audrey Bingham: Not anymore.

Adam Rhodes: You look like a banker in a bad porno.
Russell Dunbar: Like there's such a thing as a bad porno.
Adam Rhodes: Well the one that you lent us last week was... bad.
Jennifer: Us? We didn't watch any porno
Adam Rhodes: Were... Were you not there?


"Rules of Engagement: Jeff's New Friend (#3.3)" (2009)
Brad: Yes, it does back up traffic as do all parades but I wouldn't know who to talk to about that.
Jeff Bingham: Okay, I have another question.
Brad: Alright, but not another one about Anderson Cooper.
Jeff Bingham: With two guys you must be pretty much doing it all the time, right? With no woman there to say no.
Brad: It's still a marriage, there is always someone there to say no.
Adam Rhodes: So when you're done with sex does one of you want to cuddle and the other one want to watch sport center?
Jeff Bingham: And does Jackie get upset when you leave the toilet seat up?
Brad: Why don't you write all these down and I'll get back to you?


"Rules of Engagement: The Four Pillars (#4.5)" (2010)
[last lines]
Jennifer: Oh God, Adam, look at the caption.
Adam: Jennifer Morgan to wed
[sighs]
Adam: Madam Rhodes! No! No! They, they totally ruined my hetero picture...
Jennifer: At least it's a small town, not that many people will see it.
Jeff: Oh no, they've got an online edition. Well, I got a busy night ahead of me so...


"Rules of Engagement: The Surrogate (#4.10)" (2010)
[first lines]
Jennifer: Timmy, it's fantastic.
Adam: Oh yeah, Timmy this is like the coolest wedding website I've ever seen. And I've seen four!


"Rules of Engagement: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Adam Rhodes: I proposed because I love her.
Russell: It's so gay.
Adam Rhodes: Being in love with a woman is gay?
Russell: No, but saying it out loud to another guy is.


"Rules of Engagement: Dad's Visit (#3.4)" (2009)
Jeff Bingham: Let me say that I swear on the souls of my grandchildren that I will not be the one who breaks the peace we have made here today.
Adam Rhodes: Why is he looking at me?
Jeff Bingham: The Godfather?
Adam Rhodes: Oh... No, never saw it.
Jeff Bingham: You've never seen The Godfather?
Audrey Bingham: Oh, here we go.
Adam Rhodes: No, my parents were hippies... They didn't want me to see anything too violent.
Jeff Bingham: Then close your eyes cause I'm gonna punch you in the face.


"Rules of Engagement: Third Wheel (#4.6)" (2010)
[last lines]
Russell: So how's Jennifer's diet coming?
Adam: Not good. This morning I caught her eating hot chocolate powder with butter. Well I can't take it anymore so I came up with a plan.
Russell: Uh-oh, this will be good.
Adam: See I adjusted the scale ahead six pounds, so she'll think she lost a little weight even though she hasn't.
Russell: You mean, you adjusted it back six pounds.
Adam: No, it's forwards cause... Oh no!


"Rules of Engagement: Russell's Secret (#3.1)" (2009)
Adam Rhodes: You know, I've never been to a boat show. What do you do there?
Jeff Bingham: You look at boats.
Jennifer: You really didn't see that one coming?


"Rules of Engagement: Flirting (#4.1)" (2010)
[last lines]
Russell: You know what this means?
Adam: No, what?
Russell: You're still on death row, and the date has been set, but what's this? The phone rings! Who could it be? Oh my god, it's the governor!
Adam: What does he want?


"Rules of Engagement: The Birthday Deal (#1.2)" (2007)
Adam Rhodes: I get two Birthday Deals. Suck on that, Jeff.


"Rules of Engagement: Time Share (#2.10)" (2008)
Adam Rhodes: How about tennis?
Jeff Bingham: What are we, 17 year old Russian girls?
Adam Rhodes: No, tennis is manlier than golf
Jeff Bingham: Oh please, a golf ball could kill you, a tennis ball couldn't.
Adam Rhodes: It could if you choked on it.
Jeff Bingham: What are you doing with a tennis ball in your mouth?
Adam Rhodes: Touche.
Jeff Bingham: Here, I got a putter for you. Try not to choke on it.


"Rules of Engagement: Atlantic City (#4.3)" (2010)
[last lines]
Russell: [faking a Southern accent] Well from your description, I'd say you could have a declavamacated hip... but I would be remiss if I did not conduct a more thorough examination in my office, which at this point in time is room 703.
Adam: Hey buddy, there you are, I made it!
Russell: [faking a Southern accent] Excuse me, kind stranger, I'm with a patient.
Adam: Uh, but Russell...
Russell: [faking a Southern accent] I said, I said go away boy, you're bothering me!