Quotes for
Frank Rossitano (Character)
from "30 Rock" (2006)

"30 Rock: The C Word (#1.14)" (2007)

Liz Lemon: We need to fire Lutz.
Pete Hornberger: What? Why? What happened?
Liz Lemon: He called me the worst name ever.
Frank Rossitano: What did he call you?
Liz Lemon: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it.
Pete Hornberger: Fat can?
Liz Lemon: No.
Frank Rossitano: Mouth hooker?
Liz Lemon: No.
Frank Rossitano: Monster bitch.
Pete Hornberger: Hatchet face.
Liz Lemon: No!

[discussing the word Lutz called Liz]
Pete Hornberger: Well, you know, he was probably just blowing off steam. You can't fire a guy for cursing.
Liz Lemon: No, I - I'm not upset by cursing. I *love* cursing. I love it! But this word is not acceptable - no - because there's nothing you can call a guy back. There is no male equivalent to this word.
Pete Hornberger: Well, why don't we come up with one, and then you can call him that? Like, um, "muncus."
Frank Rossitano: "Fungdark."

[discussing the word Lutz called Liz]
Liz Lemon: The one that rhymes with the name of your favorite Todd Rundgren album.
Frank Rossitano: It rhymes with "Hermit of Mink Hollow"?
Liz Lemon: No!
Pete Hornberger: Oh! Oh, boy.

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"30 Rock: Pilot (#1.1)" (2006)

Pete: Okay, marry, kill: Oprah, bin Laden, and Jenna.
Liz Lemon: What did I tell you about playing that game with people in the room?
Jenna Maroney: No Liz, it's okay.
Frank: Okay, well I'd marry Oprah, for the money. I do bin Laden for revenge and then his own people would kill him. And I'd kill Jenna.

Toufer: [Complaining to Liz] Surely our massive conglomerate parent company could spring for a samovar of coffee.
Frank: Yeah, or, like, a big coffee dispenser!
Toufer: [Condescendingly] That's what a samovar is.
Frank: Are there other black nerds, or is it just you and Urkel?
[Toofer just stares at Frank]

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"30 Rock: Corporate Crush (#1.19)" (2007)

Frank Rossitano: I don't like it when Liz is happy. It makes me uncomfortable, like when my mother drank margaritas and played Tanya Tucker songs.

Frank Rossitano: Yo Tray, we got a problem.
President Thomas Jefferson: [refusing to break character] Pray, who be this Tracy Jordon thou speakest off?
Frank Rossitano: Eh, President Jefferson, we got a problem.
President Thomas Jefferson: Speakest.
Frank Rossitano: That horse ate your wig.
President Thomas Jefferson: Well, stand guard by his rump and await it in his droppings.

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"30 Rock: Sandwich Day (#2.14)" (2008)

Liz Lemon: [stampedes into the writers' desk after finding out that her sandwich is missing, with a statue in her hand] Where's my sandwich?
Tracy Jordan: Lutz made us do it!
Lutz: No it was Frank.
Frank: Lie! It was you!
[the three of them begin to overlap]
Kenneth Parcell: Stop it! This is all my fault, Miss Lemon, because I let it happen. And the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for a good man to do nothing.
Tracy Jordan: Please aks my permission before you quote me, Kenneth.
Liz Lemon: I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich. Or I'm gonna cut your face up so bad you'll have a chin!
[shouting]
Liz Lemon: You'll all have chins!

Frank: Hey, can you make the teamsters tell us where they make those sandwiches?
Jack Donaghy: Only if you beat them at a drinking contest. It's in their contract.

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"30 Rock: Secret Santa (#4.8)" (2009)

Toofer: Kenneth is doing a Secret Santa fun swap thing!
Frank Rossitano: Urgh, he takes the 2 worst parts of Christmas, giving and rules and combines them!
Kenneth Parcell: [Flash back] And then the person with the highest number gives the smallest gift to the tallest person and if they want to switch they cannot unless they do then everyone puts their head down except the murderer - oh wait that's not right.
Frank Rossitano: The whole thing was so confusing I ended up getting my crappy gift back, like I need 2 copies of over 60 Vixens

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"30 Rock: Succession (#2.13)" (2008)

Tracy Jordan: My genius will not be denied. I'm like Mozart. and you're like that guy who was always jealous of Mozart.
Frank Rossitano: Salieri?
Tracy Jordan: No thank you. I already ate.

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"30 Rock: Hard Ball (#1.15)" (2007)

Frank Rossitano: These are the sexiest women in comedy? Where's Jackée?

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"30 Rock: Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land (#4.21)" (2010)

Liz Lemon: I've been setting my standards too high.
Frank Rossitano: Yes, you have. Meet me in the handicap stall in five minutes.

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"30 Rock: Gavin Volure (#3.4)" (2008)

Frank Rossitano: Attention, everyone. I have just been handed a memo that each floor has to have a fire marshall, in case of fires, terrorist attacks, Cloverfield monsters... but I can't because my head is too big for my helmet. So, who wants to volunteer?
Pete Hornberger: Not me. But you have a big head.

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"30 Rock: Goodbye, My Friend (#3.13)" (2009)

Jack Donaghy: Now let me hear you say the seven most important words in the American judicial system.
Frank Rossitano: My client has no memory of that.
Jack Donaghy: I also would have accepted 'You can't prove that's the Governor's semen'.

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"30 Rock: Anna Howard Shaw Day (#4.13)" (2010)

Frank Rossitano: You are no different. You just want to know somone cares about you. Only your case is worse, because that tooth infection could spread to your brain and kill you.
Liz Lemon: Yeah, well when I'm a ghost, I'll haunt you in your sleep.
Frank Rossitano: Then you're gonna see some disgusting stuff.

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"30 Rock: Subway Hero (#2.12)" (2008)

Frank Rossitano: Wow. I never would have had the guts to do what that dude did.
Liz Lemon: You don't know that.
Frank Rossitano: I do know. I've watched seven different people die in subway stations.

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"30 Rock: Up All Night (#1.13)" (2007)

Toofer: Okay, I got a hard one: Osama bin Laden, Martha Stewart, Jenna.
Frank Rossitano: Bone Osama bin Laden, to shame him, and then his own people would murder him. Marry Martha Stuart, 'cause, you know, she seems like a dirty bird, and kill Jenna.
Josh Girard: Cerie, marry, boff, kill: Lutz, Toofer or Kenneth.
Cerie: I'd marry Toofer, because he's classy. I'd kill Lutz, sorry Lutz.
Lutz: The thought that you'd do anything to me is awesome.
Cerie: And I'd boff Kenneth.

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"30 Rock: Blind Date (#1.3)" (2006)

Liz Lemon: [feeling jittery before the blind date set up for her by Jack] Hey, Frank! What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz Lemon: No, I mean if you are gonna go on a date with a woman, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she is in porn.

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"30 Rock: Sun Tea (#4.6)" (2009)

Frank Rossitano: Hey, Tracy! Now you can tell me your filthy strip club story.
Tracy Jordan: Frank, I'm gonna have a daughter and I would never tell that story. It's demeaning to women. Especially if they had their boobies sneezed on by a tiger.

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"30 Rock: Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001 (#4.7)" (2009)

Liz Lemon: Frank, you're in charge.
Frank Rossitano: Finally, someone cool is in charge. My first order is to disable the firewall. Gentlemen, we can surf for porn again!

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"30 Rock: Let's Stay Together (#5.3)" (2010)

Frank Rossitano: [On Liz's new nameplate, "El Tejon"] It means "the badger" in Spanish. I don't know who did it.
[Liz looks at Frank's hat, which reads "I did it"]

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"30 Rock: Idiots Are People Two! (#6.2)" (2012)

Frank Rossitano: Lemon, obviously I can't approve of someone I've never met.
Jack Donaghy: Yeah well, I'm not letting you meet Criss because you won't approve of him.
Frank Rossitano: Well then I guess this is a Catch 22, although I don't know for sure because I refuse to read literature that questions the morality of war.

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