Quotes for
Jenna Maroney (Character)
from "30 Rock" (2006)

"30 Rock: Jackie Jormp-Jomp (#3.18)" (2009)

Jenna Maroney: Oh, I can play dead. I watched my whole church group get eaten by a bear.

Jenna Maroney: The Kids Choice Awards? Fine, I'll set aside my feud with Raven-Symone for one day... but she knows what she did.

Jenna Maroney: I'm prepared to slip a nipple if you think it will help.

Jack Donaghy: I'm going to Tupac you.
Jenna Maroney: OK, but I have to pee first.

Jenna Maroney: Do you need a sex tape release? Because I've got a weird one. It's night vision and you can see that his buddy is robbing me.

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"30 Rock: The Head and the Hair (#1.11)" (2007)

Jenna Maroney: The "The Hair?"

Jenna Maroney: How's it going?
Liz Lemon: Terrible. I just want to go home and watch that show about midgets and eat a block of cheese.

Liz Lemon: He looked at me with those crazy handsome guy eyes. It was like the Death Star tractor beam when the Falcon ...
Jenna Maroney: [interrupting] No Liz, do not talk about stuff like that on your date. Guys like that do not like Star Trek.
Liz Lemon: Wars!

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"30 Rock: Cooter (#2.15)" (2008)

Jenna Maroney: Kenneth, where have you been? I had to put on my jeans by myself.

Jenna Maroney: [finding a positive pregnancy test in the trash] Oh no, someone's gonna get more attention then me.

Liz Lemon: Oh, so you're the only one in the word that's allowed to make sex mistakes? You had a threeway with Roseanne and Tom Arnold.
Jenna Maroney: That was two years ago.

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"30 Rock: Don Geiss, America and Hope (#4.15)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: So, how was your date with Wesley?
Liz Lemon: Remember that scene in Notting Hill with the party in the garden? I'd rather see that terrible movie five times than go on another date with Wesley.

Jenna Maroney: I know what you're going through. I caught a lot of flack when I ate the pig that played Babe.

Dot Com: Yet another black superstar taken down by his personal life.
Jenna Maroney: Just like my favorite golf player, O.J. Simpson.

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"30 Rock: Reunion (#3.5)" (2008)

Jenna Maroney: [bursting into Tracey's dressing room] Kenneth is a monster!
Tracy Jordan: We have to stop him!

Kenneth Parcell: [drying his tears] I'm so sorry, Miss Maroney.
Jenna Maroney: No, keep crying. I want you to feel this so you never make this mistake again.

Jenna Maroney: And I would have definitely gone to my reunion, but the boat I was educated on sank.

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"30 Rock: Future Husband (#4.14)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: Where is everyone? I need someone to be outraged to!

Jenna Maroney: Acting is about consistency and control.
Tracy Jordan: Got it. No farting.

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"30 Rock: Audition Day (#4.4)" (2009)

Jenna Maroney: We have to stop Jayden Tyler! He's evil, Tracy!
Tracy Jordan: He's evil Tracy? Oh, he's evil, comma, Tracy.

Liz Lemon: The Hornberger System shall prevail.
Jenna Maroney: That's what you think, but the Hornberger System shall devail! Is that the opposite of prevail?

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"30 Rock: Anna Howard Shaw Day (#4.13)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: You know what I realized? Maynard was the longest relationship of my life, after Doug.
Kenneth Parcell: Please don't say who Doug...
Jenna Maroney: Doug is my vibrator.

Jenna Maroney: I'm sorry, Liz, I can't stop now. I just got my stalker's address from his parole officer, and I have to go confront him to find out why he's been ignoring me.

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"30 Rock: Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish (#5.9)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: Relationships are like sharks, Liz. If you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong.

Jenna Maroney: Liz, last night was a disaster. And not the good kind where I get to sing at a benefit.

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"30 Rock: Greenzo (#2.5)" (2007)

Jenna Maroney: [to Cerie, who's sitting at her desk barefoot] Are bare feet "in" or do you just have your shoes off?

Liz Lemon: Oh hey, I, eh, I found your lipstick
[hands it over]
Jenna Maroney: Oh.
[looks at it]
Jenna Maroney: Oh, no, this isn't mine. This is Sunset Blush. I wear Tiger Orgasm.

---

"30 Rock: Retreat to Move Forward (#3.9)" (2009)

Kenneth Parcell: What can I do for you, Miss... Jimplin?
Jenna Maroney: [using the method to prepair for her Janis Joplin role] Well according to my Wikipedia page, I'm gonna need some Cherry juice, Buttermilk and Tequila to make my signature Janice Joplin cocktail: the Frank-schlong.

Improviser: [Reading a slip of paper drawn from a hat] The audience suggestion is "Sling Blade and Oprah on a date."
Liz Lemon: [In a Sling Blade voice while pretending to eat] I sure do like dem french-fried potaters.
Jenna Maroney: No you don't, Oprah.

---

"30 Rock: Jack-Tor (#1.5)" (2006)

Jenna Maroney: I am gonna get back at them... using my sexuality.
Liz Lemon: Do you have any left?

Jenna Maroney: Yeah, but this is different because I know Jack Donaghy. I know what he likes.
Liz Lemon: Yeah. So now you just have to make yourself 10 years younger and Asian.

---

"30 Rock: The Rural Juror (#1.10)" (2007)

Jenna Maroney: I've been booked on the view!
Pete Hornberger: Oh Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna Maroney: I know.

Barbara Walters: [on The View] Let's get personal. Your father Werner was a burger server in suburban Santa Barbara.
Jenna Maroney: Yes, that's right.
Barbara Walters: When he spurned your mother Verna for a curly-haired surfer named Roberta. Did that hurt her?
Jenna Maroney: It was hard on all of us, yes.
Barbara Walters: Flurg murg glurg flurg murg murg murg tennis murg murg. Was a murg murg flurg?
Jenna Maroney: I'll always be his little girl.
[cries]
Barbara Walters: [puts her hand on Jenna's shoulder] Glurg.

---

"30 Rock: The Break-Up (#1.8)" (2006)

Jenna Maroney: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz Lemon: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

Jenna Maroney: Do you think those guys work on Wall Street?
Liz Lemon: Yeah. I think they're from the firm Date Rape, Cokington, Cheeseball and Jag.

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"30 Rock: It's Never Too Late for Now (#5.15)" (2011)

Jenna Maroney: I didn't give up when Eric Roberts abandoned me in the desert and I won't now.

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"30 Rock: Pilot (#1.1)" (2006)

Pete: Okay, marry, kill: Oprah, bin Laden, and Jenna.
Liz Lemon: What did I tell you about playing that game with people in the room?
Jenna Maroney: No Liz, it's okay.
Frank: Okay, well I'd marry Oprah, for the money. I do bin Laden for revenge and then his own people would kill him. And I'd kill Jenna.

---

"30 Rock: The Fighting Irish (#1.17)" (2007)

[at the NBC Fitness Center]
Jenna Maroney: What class do you wanna take?
Liz Lemon: Uh, anything that doesn't have the word "strip," "salsa," or "beats" with a "z" in the name of it.
Jenna Maroney: Cardio Hip-Hop Groove it is, then.

---

"30 Rock: The Aftermath (#1.2)" (2006)

Liz Lemon: Tracy has... mental health issues.
Jenna Maroney: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face!
Liz Lemon: When you hear his versions she was kind of asking for it.

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"30 Rock: Flu Shot (#3.8)" (2009)

Jenna Maroney: They need medicine. And what's the best medicine?
Tracy Jordan: Medicine?

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"30 Rock: Jack Gets in the Game (#2.2)" (2007)

Jenna Maroney: Me want food!

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"30 Rock: Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land (#4.21)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: You should go to my doctor. He's gay, but not when he's drunk.

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"30 Rock: Mamma Mia (#3.21)" (2009)

Jenna Maroney: [to writers] And you know who else loves "Dealbreaker"? Bret Michaels. We have the same publicist, and she said he'd love to come here and dress in the same outfit and do it with me... and also, he wants to be on the show.

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"30 Rock: Black Light Attack! (#4.10)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: Mother? I'm not a mother! Would a mother be planning a summer sex tour of Vietnam?
Liz Lemon: You're not young anymore. You can't keep playing prom queens and runaway victims anymore.
Jenna Maroney: But those were my majors at the Tampa School of Acting Tricks.

---

"30 Rock: Live Show (#5.4)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: [singing her song "Happy Birthday, Skank!"] You say that it's your birthday? Time to skank it up hard! Choke a cop with your panties...

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"30 Rock: Do-Over (#3.1)" (2008)

Jenna Maroney: [Speaking to a group of friends] I got a residual check for that Japanese commercial I did! Three hundred dollars! I'm going to use the money to buy us all new boots for myself.

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"30 Rock: Episode 210 (#2.10)" (2008)

Liz Lemon: Look at those floors. I would walk all around inside of that.
Jenna Maroney: [Jenna walks in, Lemon quickly closes her laptop] Hey, what's up?
Jenna Maroney: Are you looking at porn? I know a good site that's dirty without sacrificing story. It's by women, for women.
Liz Lemon: No, I'm looking at real estate.

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"30 Rock: Jack Meets Dennis (#1.6)" (2006)

Jenna Maroney: How's the sex?
Liz Lemon: Fast and only on Saturdays. It's perfect.

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"30 Rock: Into the Crevasse (#4.2)" (2009)

Jenna Maroney: I don't know if you know this, but werewolves only come out at night.
Liz Lemon: Yes, I learned that from the Thriller video.
Tracy Jordan: Too soon.

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"30 Rock: Apollo, Apollo (#3.16)" (2009)

Jenna Maroney: The reason I speak with a slight English inflection in my voice is because I lost my virginity to the My Fair Lady soundtrack.

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"30 Rock: Reaganing (#5.5)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: You have a good heart, Kenneth. I hope you're in a car accident so that I can have it.

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"30 Rock: Stone Mountain (#4.3)" (2009)

Jenna Maroney: [Jenna has followed the boys into the mensroom] Oh wow, they painted the ceiling in here!

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"30 Rock: Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter (#4.17)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: I could go with you, be your wingman.
Liz Lemon: Oh, you wouldn't want to go there.
Jenna Maroney: Oh, it would be good acting research for me. I'm up for a role in National Lampoon's Van Wilder's Wingman, Incorporated.
Liz Lemon: I'm looking forward to not seeing that on a plane.

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"30 Rock: Sandwich Day (#2.14)" (2008)

Jenna Maroney: Shots? What am I, 12 and at my boyfriend's frat party?

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"30 Rock: Black Tie (#1.12)" (2007)

Jenna Maroney: We gotta boogie, gang!

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"30 Rock: The Funcooker (#3.14)" (2009)

Jack Donaghy: Lemon is right, Jenna, obviously you can't do both TGC and Jenny Jimplin.
Jenna Maroney: I choose the movie. My face is bigger on movies.
Jack Donaghy: No, I don't mean quit, I mean Liz will find a way to make both work. Am I right, Lemon?
Liz Lemon: Well, I'll have to use you less in the show...
Jack Donaghy: And I'll schale back the movie. We could cut the lesbian scene.
Jenna Maroney: But the Oscars love that kind of scene.
[Lemon gives her a look]
Jenna Maroney: There's two guys in my gym named Oscar.

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"30 Rock: Floyd (#4.16)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: I just had another Kenneth dream!
Tracy Jordan: Me too! But how do I know this isn't another dream? Wait a minute. All my teeth are loose. This is real.

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"30 Rock: Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001 (#4.7)" (2009)

Jenna Maroney: You've created two Lizzes, writer Liz and performer Liz. Performers need to be coddled, to be protected from the real world.
Jack Donaghy: I get it. I must treat her like the New York Times treats its readers.

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"30 Rock: Klaus and Greta (#4.9)" (2010)

Jenna Maroney: I love jamba juice!

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