Harper Finkle
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Quotes for
Harper Finkle (Character)
from "Wizards of Waverly Place" (2007)

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Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie (2009) (TV)
Harper: For the record, I just want to say, I think this is a really, really bad idea!
Alex Russo: Only if by bad you mean genius. I love loopholes!

Harper: Can we slow this thing down?
Alex Russo: Yeaaah, no. When they put the tables in they must have taken the controls up. Don't worry, it's enchanted, it knows where it's going.

Harper: [Justin saved Alex and Harper from being killed in the runaway train turned diner room with a spell] Justin, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Alex Russo: Harper, don't thank him. He just did it so he can run off and tell on me.
Justin Russo: Okay, normally, yeah, I would do that.
[aside to Harper]
Justin Russo: It's pretty funny when she gets all...
[Harper laughs]
Justin Russo: But I'm not about to go tell Mom and Dad something that's gonna ruin their vacation one night before it happens. For once, I'm not gonna let you destroy something important to me.
Alex Russo: Then we're good, 'cause they're not gonna hear it from me.
Justin Russo: And do you know why they're not gonna hear it from me?
Alex Russo: Didn't we just have this conversation?
Justin Russo: Because I just did my first spell using a full powered Wizard wand. And if I must say...
Alex Russo: He must...
Justin Russo: It went perfectly!
[looks at diner car]
Justin Russo: Oh.
[Spots something on the diner wall and blows it off - two seconds later the whole wall comes crashing down around them]
Justin Russo: ... Almost perfect.

Harper: Okay. Waeeeelll... bye!

Harper: [excited] Are you guys gonna wear matching outfits?
[Alex gives her a look]
Harper: ... 'Cause that would be bad.

Harper: Why would you use something called a forbidden spell? It's forbidden, and I know it, because it's right there in the title!
Alex Russo: It's not really a big deal when you have the right wand.
Harper: Well, do you?
Alex Russo: No. Apparently, it's too powerful and I'm not responsible enough and I can't be trusted, whatever that means.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Taxi Dance (#2.9)" (2008)
Harper: Is that a punishment?
Justin Russo: Nope. It's an Alexment. Something that should be a punishment, but is a reward.
Harper: You get those sometimes, right?
Justin Russo: No. No, I don't.

Burt the Cab: You know Alex, you don't need me looking out for you. You've already got two people, right here.
Alex Russo: Actually I have three.
Harper: Yes!
Alex Russo: Justin.
Harper: Awkward.
Alex Russo: I know I always bag on Justin, but when it really counts, he's got my back.

Harper Finkle: Is that a punishment?
Justin Russo: Nope. It's an Alexment. Something that should be a punishment, but is a reward.
Harper Finkle: You get those sometimes, right?
Justin Russo: No. No, I don't.

Burt the Cab: You know Alex, you don't need me looking out for you. You've already got two people, right here.
Alex Russo: Actually I have three.
Harper Finkle: Yes!
Alex Russo: Justin.
Harper Finkle: Awkward.
Alex Russo: I know I always bag on Justin, but when it really counts, he's got my back.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: The Crazy 10 Minute Sale (#1.1)" (2007)
Harper: [runs to Alex] Are you as excited about the crazy ten minute sale as I am?
Alex Russo: [pretends to scream along] I can't go.
Harper: But I drew up a game plan so that we could get into the store before Gigi.
Alex Russo: I thought that we agreed we hate Gigi so much we'd never say her name.
Harper: But, you just said Gigi.
Alex Russo: Okay, from now on, we'll say her name backwards.
Harper: But, Gigi backwards is still Gigi.
Alex Russo: That's right. We'll say Gigi, but only we'll know it's backwards. It'll be hilarious.
Harper: I like it!

Harper: [to Gigi] Nice shoes!
[Alex glares at her]
Harper: I mean, pfft! I don't care about you OR your shoes.
Gigi: Yea, I've had this shoes for about a week. Oh, I mean, I'd give them to you but, I already promised them to another charity.
Alex Russo: No, you should keep them. They go so well with your eyebrow.

Alex Russo: [talking about Gigi] We're going to that sale and I'm gonna show her up.
Harper: But I thought you had a family commitment.
Alex Russo: I'll work it out with my parents.
Harper: Sure, they're pretty understanding.
Alex Russo: No, I'm just really sneaky.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: All About You-Niverse (#3.24)" (2010)
Alex Russo: Wait, hold on.
[Mirror Justin, Theresa and Harper all grab a hold of something]
Harper Finkle: [holding a chair] Holding on.

Harper Finkle: I did it, Alex. I finally got enough fundraisers to pay for my spot on the annual class trip to Europe. Oh, you'd laugh when I did the clown car wash.
Alex Russo: It was a clown car wash. I thought I was supposed to laugh.
Theresa Russo: Harper, I'm gonna pretend that you're my daughter for a minute. I'm so proud of you, mija!
[hugs Harper]
Harper Finkle: [touched] I'm Mija.

Alex Russo: It is scary how always right I am.
[Mirror Harper suddenly screams]
Alex Russo: What are you doing?
Harper Finkle: Agreeing. You said it was scary.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Eat to the Beat (#3.13)" (2010)
[after a thrash metal concert]
Harper: I'd like to buy one of your CDs. The loudest, angriest, most soul-wrenching one you have.
Grrrtarist: Oh, you want the Christmas album.

[Alex and Stevie are telling Harper about the new rock band that will be playing and throwing chunks of guts into the crowd]
Harper: Okay, I'll go. It may be the only chance I'll have to wear my meat-catching hat.
Stevie Nichols: [to Alex] She has a meat-catching hat?
Alex Russo: It's to go with her potato-skin sweater.

Stevie Nichols: [about Harper acting out Shakespeare] Harper, don't take this the wrong way, but that was terrible.
Harper: Oh. I took that the wrong way.
Stevie Nichols: I mean, you don't even have the rest of your lunchtime Shakespeare players.
Harper: Yeah, that's 'cause they quit after you beaned them with croutons yesterday.
Alex Russo: [laughs] Oh, yeah. The only good thing Justin has done as student body president is add croutons to the salad bar. Oh, that, and the tiny tomatoes.
Stevie Nichols: I like these. They're so tiny they make me feel like a giant dinosaur when I eat them.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: New Employee (#1.4)" (2007)
Alex Russo, Harper: [singing] What's that? A hat! Crazy, funky, chunky hat. Overslept, hair unsightly. Trying to look like Keira Knightly. We've been there, we've done that, we see right through your funky hat!

Customer #1: Just give me the Bronc-strami, a large root beer and, uh, a slice of that coffee cake over there, huh.
Harper: Really? Here's what I do. I get the half order because it's just as filling and half the price.
Alex Russo: Harper!
Harper: What? That's what I do! Oh, and get the small soda because it's free refills.
Alex Russo: Harper! When I said 'Harper' I meant stop talking!

[last lines]
Alex Russo, Harper, Theresa Russo: [singing] We see right through your funky hat!
[Theresa grabs the brim of her hat]
Alex Russo: Mom, don't add your own moves! This isn't the eighties; this isn't Footgrease music.
Theresa Russo: It's Footloose or Grease. And those movies were great. C'mon, pick your moves up.
Alex Russo, Harper, Theresa Russo: What's that? A hat! Crazy, funky, chunky hat. Overslept, hair unsightly.
[Alex and Harper steal out of the room]
Theresa Russo: Trying to look like Keira Knightly.
[she leans back on a footstool, and mimes the water scene from Flashdance]
Theresa Russo: And pull the cord! Pull the cord! Pull the cord!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Family Game Night (#2.20)" (2009)
[Last lines]
Harper: I didn't want to look in your brain. There's a lot of scary stuff in there.
Alex Russo: [Alex laughs evilly] Thank you.

Justin Russo: Oh Alex, I need to ask you something. See I'm taking this girl to the baseball game, right?
Alex Russo: What girl? Who are you taking?
Justin Russo: Daphne. She thinks we're dating. I need your sneaky conniving advice of how to get out of it.
Alex Russo: Dump her. Just dump her! Dump her hard!
Harper: [Groans] You want to get rid of her? You're gonna need a road flare, a barrel of maple syrup, and a mini-trampoline. But we're not using the maple syrup the way you think.
[Leading Alex out]
Harper: We gotta go!
Justin Russo: And what did I think we're using the maple syrup for? Like who... Ooh. I get it!

Harper Finkle: I didn't want to look in your brain. There's a lot of scary stuff in there.
Alex Russo: [Alex laughs evilly] Thank you.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex Charms a Boy (#3.8)" (2010)
Harper Finkle: Don't you see what you've done? Used magic to make your relationship OK. I don't think that's right.
Alex Russo: Harper, doing what's right has never really been my goal.

Jerry Russo: As a great poet once said: "Don't go changin' to try to please me."
Harper Finkle: Mr. Russo, are you quoting Billy Joel?
Jerry Russo: I've never heard of that person.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: I Almost Drowned in a Chocolate Fountain (#1.3)" (2007)
[first lines]
Alex Russo: Check it out; I got an F on my Spanish midterm.
Harper Finkle: Why are you so happy about it?
Alex Russo: Because Riley got an F too; that means he's been paying as much attention to me as I've been to him.
Alex Russo: Failing Spanish is hard work.
Harper Finkle: How is failing Spanish hard work?
Alex Russo: Every day I show up late so he'll definitely notice me; then, I forget my textbook so we have to share one, and finally I let the teacher catch us passing notes so she keeps us both after class.
Harper Finkle: That is hard work! You must be exhausted!
Alex Russo: That's why I sleep during History.

Harper Finkle: Here comes your brother. I think he's coming over here. Oh, he's so cute. I never know what to say to him.
Alex Russo: Just talk about current events. He loves current events.
Justin Russo: Hey, guys.
Harper Finkle: Alex failed her Spanish midterm!
Alex Russo: Not *that* current.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Who Will Be the Family Wizard? (#4.27)" (2012)
Justin Russo: Okay. Okay. She's stuck in griffin spit. That's what they do to hold food for their hatchlings.
Harper Finkle: Ew ew ew.
Max Russo: [Tasting the substance] Yep, that's griffin - bird with a hint of cat.

Alex Russo: Max, will you forgive me too?
Max Russo: Alex, of course I forgive you. Any sister of Justin's is a sister of mine... None of you can say that didn't make sense.
Jerry Russo: Now *this* is my family.
Harper Finkle: Yeah, a bunch of people selling barely edible food to an unsuspecting public. Ah, those are the Russos I know.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex's Choice (#1.7)" (2007)
[first lines]
Harper Finkle: Whoa, that last multiple choice question was really hard. I got A.
Alex Russo: I got D, and I'm pretty sure I'm right.
Harper Finkle: D wasn't even close; why are you so sure you're right?
Alex Russo: No, I got a D on the test; I'm sure I'm right about that.

Harper Finkle: If you want to be a negative Nellie, then go ahead.
Alex Russo: Gee, the only Nellie I know is Nellie Rodriguez, and she's a very positive, upbeat person.
[Nellie runs up]
Harper Finkle: Hi, Nellie, you going to Gigi's tea?
Nellie Rodriguez: Yeah, I can't wait. It's going to be so much fun.
Harper Finkle: [leaving with Nellie] What are you going to wear?
Alex Russo: Ough, there's nothing worse than a positive Nellie.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Max's Secret Girlfriend (#3.19)" (2010)
[first lines]
Harper Finkle: Good morning, Alex.
Alex Russo: Ugh, what's so good about it? This morning my mom made me butterfly-shaped waffles. I mean, it's the crack of dawn; stop being so adorable.
Harper Finkle: I made those! Ach, your mom is right; we should just give you dry toast.

Alex Russo: Max, I appreciate you wanting to lie about having our parents, but changing your first name isn't going to fool anyone.
Max Russo: Oh, no, I know, but I changed my last name too. To Sawyer.
[Alex and Harper laugh]
Harper Finkle: No kidding.
Alex Russo: Tom Sawyer!
Max Russo: Yeah.
Alex Russo: That is such an obvious lie. It's the name from the Rush song.
Harper Finkle: And the classic book!
Alex Russo: Wow. That song was good; I didn't know they made a book out of it.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Baby Cupid (#2.10)" (2008)
Harper Finkle: Hey Alex. Look what I knitted for Justin.
[Hands over a sweater]
Alex Russo: Oh, that's interesting. And it smells like shampoo.
Harper Finkle: It's a sweater entirely made of my hair!

Alex Russo: Er, Harper... Look, I hate to burst your bubble here, but Justin's only acting like that because Max just shot him with Cupid's love arrow.
Harper Finkle: Gosh! I guess you're right. It's not real love if it comes from his butt and not his heart.
Justin Russo: Mi amore, let's go for a carriage ride around Central Park.
Harper Finkle: But I don't care!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Credit Check (#1.18)" (2008)
Alex Russo: [showing Harper the fashion magazine office] So. This is where it all happens. Over there is photography, where they show beautiful girls so other girls feel inferior.
Harper Finkle: Ooo.
Alex Russo: Over there's editorial, where they write articles that make girls feel inferior.
Harper Finkle: [laughs excitedly] What's over there?
Alex Russo: Oh, that's the kitchen, where people are too self-conscious to eat.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: First Kiss (#1.2)" (2007)
Alex Russo: Harper! What are you doing here?
Harper: I'm not Harper, I'm just a theatre seat. Keeping an eye on my boyfriend.
Alex Russo: You made an outfit to match the theatre seats?
Harper: Don't be freaked out if you can't see me.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Harper Knows (#2.8)" (2008)
[as a costumed super-heroine]
Harper Finkle: Battle Diva, Rise to the stars where you belong!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Paint by Committee (#2.23)" (2009)
Harper: Don't let his down Alex. I'd say don't let me down, but you can never let me down!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Alex Russo, Matchmaker? (#3.20)" (2010)
[last lines]
Alex Russo: I used a spell to get you guys to go out when you asked me not to meddle, and I'm sorry. And now I see that I used magic when I didn't have to. The real magic is you two working together.
Harper: Aw. Thanks, Alex.
[they hug]
Harper: Oh, I did land a very special boy.
[waves at Zeke who is walking and making noises like a robot]
Harper: Doing good, babe! Doing good.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Hugh's Not Normous (#2.18)" (2009)
[first lines]
Alex Russo: 'Kay. And... we're set. I forgot to do my wizard presentation so I'm just making one up on the spot.
Harper Finkle: Oh, what is your topic going to be?
Alex Russo: Wizards versus Mortals: Who Is Stretchier?

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Smarty Pants (#2.1)" (2008)
Harper Finkle: [to Alex] I wish you were smart. Then you could fill in for Nellie.
Alex Russo: I am smart! I'm street smart.
Harper Finkle: But not book smart.
Alex Russo: I am too book smart! Sure, I don't read books, but I hollow them out and hide things in them.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Marathoner Helper (#3.7)" (2009)
Alex Russo: Why would you ever want to run 26 miles?
Harper Finkle: The same reason you stay on the couch for the entire month of July.
Alex Russo: Oh, I get it. A sense of accomplishment.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Wizards vs. Vampires: Dream Date (#2.28)" (2009)
Alex Russo: You're just mad cause I went to Betty's and Flemie's without you.
Harper Finkle: No I'm not touch Screen Ordering It's dehumanizing when a robot gets your order wrong and if we don't watch out robots will unite and take over everything.
Alex Russo: How do you know I'm not one, I'm not one, I'm not one, I'm not one.
Harper Finkle: It's happening ahhhhh!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Helping Hand (#2.14)" (2009)
Harper Finkle: [Screams on seeing Helping Hand on Jerry] There's a hand on your dad's shoulder and it's not connected to a body. I don't know whether to scream or laugh, so I'm gonna do both at the same time.
[Screams and laughs]

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Wizards vs. Finkles (#3.23)" (2010)
Harper Finkle: Do you even know where Romania is?
Alex Russo: [Scoffs] Yes, it's in Rome, duh! I know my states!
Max Russo: She's right, you know.
Jerry Russo: [Slaps Max upside the head] No she's not! Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. D in Geometry!

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Fairy Tale (#2.12)" (2009)
Flutter: [laughs] You're girls. I'm Flutter.
Harper Finkle: Well, this is working out. Let's get to know each other!
Alex Russo: No, Harper!
[Harper falls on the fake chair]
Flutter: [laughs] You're clumsy.

"Wizards of Waverly Place: Wizards vs. Werewolves (#3.9)" (2010)
Mason: Now, based on the fact that neither of you ran off, I'd say you also have a secret. What are you an elf, wizard, a genie, or just desperate?
[Harper signs the last choice]
Alex Russo: I'm a wizard.
Harper Finkle: And I'm not. And right now, I'm kind of glad.