Ted Earley
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Quotes for
Ted Earley (Character)
from "Life" (2007/I)

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"Life: Pilot: Merit Badge (#1.1)" (2007/I)
Charlie Crews: Hey, Ted, the orange grove deal includes the tractor, right? The big red one?
Ted Early: Yeah Charlie, it includes the big red tractor.

[last lines]
Ted Early: [first time driving tractor] Whoa! Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! No! This is not forward! That's not forward, this is not forward!
[rolls up onto Charlie's car]
Ted Early: Oh boy, that's bad. Oh God, I'm very sorry, Charlie. I'm so sorry.
Charlie Crews: [smiling, unperturbed, bites in to an apple]


"Life: Initiative 38 (#2.20)" (2009/I)
Ted Earley: Charlie. What are you thinking?
Charlie Crews: I'm thinking about what I want and what I need.
Ted Earley: What do you want?
Charlie Crews: I want a peaceful soul.
Ted Earley: And what do you need?
Charlie Crews: I need a bigger gun.

Ted Earley: How do you know this?
Amanda Puryer: I know everything.
Ted Earley: What's that like?
Amanda Puryer: Almost always disappointing.


"Life: The Business of Miracles (#2.3)" (2008/I)
[last lines]
Jennifer Conover: [slaps him] You asked my husband permission to have sex with me?
Charlie Crews: It was the honest thing to do.
Jennifer Conover: It was the stupid thing to do! When things like that happen, you pretend it didn't and you go on. You don't talk about it with the husband of the woman who you want to have sex with in the back of a car.
Charlie Crews: Do we want to pretend it never happened?
Jennifer Conover: That would be the civilized thing to do.
Charlie Crews: Do we want to be civilized?
Jennifer Conover: [scoffs and walks away]
Charlie Crews: Did you guys hear that? She was here, right? You saw her hit me...
Ted Earley, Dean Hal Orton: [dumbfounded nodding yes]


"Life: Re-Entry (#2.13)" (2009/I)
Ted Earley: [in prison yard] Let's talk about scarcity of resources. The less there is of something, the more it is worth.
Huge Man: Like innocent men in here.


"Life: Badge Bunny (#2.9)" (2008/I)
Ted Earley: There are naked women in the pool.
Charlie Crews: Ted, I have made a decision.
Ted Earley: What's that, Charlie?
Charlie Crews: I'm going swimming.
Ted Earley: No man would hold that against you.


"Life: Trapdoor (#2.12)" (2008/I)
Ted Earley: [in prison cafeteria] You ever miss it?
Huge Man: What?
Ted Earley: The world.
Huge Man: This is the world.
Ted Earley: That sounds like something Charlie Crews would say.
Huge Man: That's something Charlie Crews taught me.


"Life: Evil... and His Brother Ziggy (#2.10)" (2009/I)
Captain Whitehat: [dining] How long have you been together?
Charlie Crews: Since we met in prison.
Ted Earley: But we're not... "together".
Rachel Seybolt: [walks in and plops down next to Whitehat]
Captain Whitehat: This isn't your daughter?
Charlie Crews: No. She's not my niece. And there's not a boy not playing a guitar at the other end of a phone call.
Rachel Seybolt: That's right, there's not.
Charlie Crews: Look, Rachel, I was worried.
Rachel Seybolt: No, *he* was worried.
[indicating Ted]
Rachel Seybolt: *You* were gone. I came home, you weren't here. I called, you didn't pick up.
Charlie Crews: I was in the middle of no where.
Captain Whitehat: By that he means my home.
Rachel Seybolt: They come and go.
[stomps off]
Ted Earley: I'm in love with Olivia, Charlie. I'm in love with woman who is going to marry your father.
[wanders away from the table]
Charlie Crews: [scoffs to Whitehat] White people.


"Life: Crushed (#2.5)" (2008/I)
Charlie Crews: That's what the newspaper said.
Ted Earley: You don't believe them?
Charlie Crews: Newspaper said I was guilty.
Ted Earley: Yeah. They said I was guilty too.
Charlie Crews: Ted, you *were* guilty.
Ted Earley: I know, but it still hurt to see it there like that, in print.


"Life: Dig a Hole (#1.10)" (2007/I)
Charlie Crews: [to white horse in his living room] Hey, don't get too comfortable, you're not actually here.
Ted Earley: [from the other room] You're talking to the horse.
Charlie Crews: Let me ask you something. Even if something isn't actually there - just more likely to be there - why would you still look for it if you knew where it was.
Ted Earley: [from the other room] You're still talking to the horse.


"Life: A Civil War (#1.7)" (2007/I)
[first lines]
Charlie Crews: I want to tell you about the dream I had last night.
Ted Earley: Were there clowns in it?
Charlie Crews: No.
Ted Earley: I don't like dreams with clowns.
Charlie Crews: Who does? Although there are no clowns in this dream.