Fairy Godmother
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Quotes for
Fairy Godmother (Character)
from Cinderella (1950)

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Shrek 2 (2004)
Fairy Godmother: I don't care whose fault this was, just get this place cleaned up! And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried and smothered in chocolate!

Fairy Godmother: I told you ogres don't live happily ever after!

Fairy Godmother: Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!

Fairy Godmother: Harold, you have forced me to do something I really don't want to do.
King: What... Where are we?
Fast Food Clerk: Well, hi there! Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy. May I take your order?
Fairy Godmother: My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy.

Shrek: Hi. I'm here to see...
Receptionist: The Fairy Godmother? I'm sorry, she's not here right now.
Fairy Godmother: [on intercom] Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo! Now!

Fairy Godmother: Your fallen tears have called to me / So here comes my sweet remedy / I know what every princess needs / For her to live life happily / With... just a wave of my magic wand / Your troubles will soon be gone / With a flick of the wrist in just a flash / You land a prince with a ton of cash / A high priced dress made by mice no less / Some crystal glass pumps and almost dressed / Worries will vanish your soul will cleanse / Confide in your very own furniture friends / We'll help you set a new fashion trend / I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great / The kind of gal a prince would date / They'll write your name on the bathroom wall...
Bookcase: For happy ever after, give Fiona a call!
Fairy Godmother: A sporty carriage to ride in style / A sexy man-boy chauffer Kyle / Vanish your blemishes, tooth decay / Celulite thighs will fade away / And oh, what the hey? / Have a Bichon Frise / Nip and tuck here and there / To land that prince with the perfect hair / Lipstick liners, shadow blush / To get that prince with a sexy tush / Lucky day, hunk buffet / For the lipstick a roll in the hay / You can spoon on the moon / With the prince to this tune / Don't be drab, you'll be fab / Your prince will have rock-hard abs / Cheese souflee Valentine's Day? / Have some chicken fricassee...

Fairy Godmother: Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away...

Fairy Godmother: He endured blistering winds and scorching deserts - he climbed the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower - and what does he find? Some gender-confused WOLF telling him that HIS princess is already married!
King: Well, it wasn't my fault - he didn't get there in time!

Prince Charming: [waving his sword] Where is he Mum? I shall render his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! HE WILL RUE THE VERY DAY HE STOLE MY KINGDOM AWAY FROM ME!
[a bird sheds its droppings on him]
Fairy Godmother: Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be King. We just need to work out something smarter, that's all.

Donkey: [after just being snuck up on by Puss In Boots, who steps on his hoof] Owww! You little hairy little licking sack of...
[tear lands onto card]
Fairy Godmother: ["Voice Message" Bubble forms after landing] Is it on?, Is it on?
[clears throat]
Fairy Godmother: What? Is it on? Is it on? This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client, but if you come by the office, we'll be glad to give you a personal appointment. Have a Happy Ever After!
[bubble pops]

Fairy Godmother: Harold, you were supposed to give her the potion!
King: Well, I guess gave her the wrong tea.

Fairy Godmother: We have to go. I have to do Charming's hair. You know, he's all high in the front and he can't reach the back. He always needs someone to take care of the back.
Prince Charming: Oh, thank you, Mother.
Donkey: [outside window] Mother?
Shrek: Uh... Mary! A talking horse!
Fairy Godmother: The ogre!

Fairy Godmother: What in Grimm's name are you doing here?
Shrek: It seems that Fiona is not at all happy.
Fairy Godmother: Oh, and is there any question as to why that is? Let's explore that, shall we?
[looks over her bookshelf]
Fairy Godmother: Let's see... P-p-p-p-p, Princess. Cinderella... Handsome prince, lived happily ever after... oh, no ogres! Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. Thumbelina, no! Handsel and Gretel, no! The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.


"Faerie Tale Theatre: Cinderella (#4.5)" (1985)
Fairy Godmother: Honey, where are your glass slippers?
Cinderella: Oh, Fairy Godmother, something terrible happened. I was kicking the stones as I was walking down the cobbleway...
Fairy Godmother: What?
Cinderella: [Whips out the glass slippers] Gotcha!

Fairy Godmother: I love my work.

Fairy Godmother: What's reality, does anybody know?
[disappears]

[after having transformed the step-mother and step-sisters into rabbits]
Fairy Godmother: I've been wanting to do that for a long time.

Cinderella: But Fairy Godmother, isn't it a little cruel to turn them into rabbits?
Fairy Godmother: They'll be back to normal at midnight.
Prince Henry: Midnight? Midnight! Then that explains...
Fairy Godmother: Not only handsome, but smart.

Fairy Godmother: Honey, I'm your fairy godmother. Didn't you see me "poof" next to you?

Cinderella: But Fairy Godmother, isn't it a little cruel to turn them into rabbits.
Fairy Godmother: They'll be back to normal at midnight.
Prince Henry: Midnight? Midnight! Then that explains...
Fairy Godmother: Not only handsome, but smart.

Fairy Godmother: [after having transformed the step-mother and step-sisters into rabbits] I've been wanting to do that for a long time.


Cinderella (2015/I)
Fairy Godmother: I'm your Hairy Dogfather... Oh! I mean, your Fairy Godmother.
[after Cinderella finds her outside and asks who she is]

Fairy Godmother: At the last stroke of midnight, the spell will be broken.
Cinderella: Midnight?
Fairy Godmother: Midnight.
Cinderella: That's more than enough time!

Fairy Godmother: Now off you go... for you *shall* go to the ball.

[last lines]
Fairy Godmother: [narrating] And so Kit and Ella were married. And I can tell you, as her fairy godmother, that they were counted to be the fairest and kindest rulers the kingdom had known. And Ella continued to see the world not as it is, but as it could be, if only you believe in courage, and kindness, and occasionally, just a little bit... of magic.

Fairy Godmother: [voiceover] Forgiven or not, Cinderella's stepmother and her daughters would soon leave with the Grand Duke, and never set foot in the kingdom again.

Fairy Godmother: [after the greenhouse and pumpkin transform into a golden carriage] There! One carriage!
Cinderella: [in amazement] You really are my fairy godmother!


"The Wonderful World of Disney: Cinderella (#1.7)" (1997)
Fairy Godmother: But the world is full of zanies and fools / Who don't believe in sensible rules/ And won't believe what sensible people say / And because these daft and dewey-eyed dopes / Keep building up impossible hopes / Impossible / Things are happening everyday

Fairy Godmother: Impossible! / For a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage / Impossible! / For a plain country bumpkin and a prince to join in marriage!/ The world is full of zanies and fools who don't believe in sensible rules.

Fairy Godmother: Cinderella, if you really love him, why don't you let him know?
Cinderella: How can I? Look at me.
Fairy Godmother: Do you really think he fell in love with your fancy gown and your pretty braids?
Cinderella: I don't know anymore and if you hadn't help me.
Fairy Godmother: You didn't need my help. You just thought you did. Believe in yourself, Cinderella, and trust him to love you as you really are.

Fairy Godmother: Impossible, for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage/Impossible for a plain country pumpkin and a prince to join in marriage. A slipper made of glass is just a shoe and dreamers never make the dream come true. Impossible.

Cinderella: But those three are all I've got. Before my father died I promised him that we'd stay together as a family.
Fairy Godmother: Cinderella this can't be what your daddy had in mind for you baby.


Cinderella (1950)
Fairy Godmother: What in the world did I do with that magic wand? I-I was sure I...
Cinderella: Magic wand?
Fairy Godmother: That's strange. I-I always...
Cinderella: Why, then you must be...
Fairy Godmother: Your Fairy Godmother? Of course. Now, where is that wand? I- Oh! I forgot. I put it away.
[Literally pulls the wand from thin air]

[the Fairy Godmother appears as Cinderella sobs]
Cinderella: Oh, no. No, it isn't true. It's just no use. No use at all. I can't believe. Not anymore. There's nothing left to believe in. Nothing.
Fairy Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don't really mean that.
Cinderella: Oh, but I do...
Fairy Godmother: Nonsense, child. If you'd lost all your faith, I couldn't be here. And here I am.

[as the Fairy Godmother casts her spell]
Fairy Godmother: [singing] Salaga-doola, menchika-boola, Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Put them together, and what have you got? Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Salaga-doola, menchika-boola, Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. It will do magic, believe it or not, Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Now, "Salagadoola" means, "A-Menchika-boola-roo," but the the thingamabob, that does the job, is "Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo."

[after creating a coach, horses, a coachman, and a footman for Cinderella]
Fairy Godmother: Well, hop in my, dear. We can't waste time.
Cinderella: But, uh...
Fairy Godmother: Uh, uh, now, now, now, don't-don't try to thank me.
Cinderella: Oh, I wasn't... I mean, I do, but-but don't you think my dress...
Fairy Godmother: Yes, it's lovely, dear, lov...
[realizing]
Fairy Godmother: Good Heavens, child! You can't go in that.

Cinderella: Why, it's like a dream. A wonderful dream come true.
Fairy Godmother: Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I'm afraid this can't last forever. You'll have only 'til midnight, and then...
Cinderella: Midnight? Oh, thank you.
Fairy Godmother: Oh, now, now, now, now, now, just a minute. You must understand, my dear: On the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before.
Cinderella: Oh, I understand, but... it's more than I ever hoped for.


Twice Upon a Time (1983)
Fairy Godmother: Call me F.G.M. I hate excess verbiage.

Rod Rescueman: [Flying in with fanfare] Hello.
The Fairy Godmother: Yes, who are you?
Rod Rescueman: My name is Rod Rescueman.
The Fairy Godmother: And what do I learn from that?
Rod Rescueman: My name.

Rod Rescueman: I'm a super hero!
Fairy Godmother: You're kidding
Rod Rescueman: I'm actually not a full fledged one, I'm on my learner's permit but that's almost as good.
Fairy Godmother: You have a resume, perhaps I could check something out?
Rod Rescueman: Yeah I do, right here. It's a blank piece of paper but it is notarized and it's legal signed.
Fairy Godmother: You've made my day! If only I could give you a little test you could show me that you're capable of doing...
Rod Rescueman: I've got an idea!
Fairy Godmother: Yes?
Rod Rescueman: Why don't you give me a test?
Fairy Godmother: There's an idea!
Rod Rescueman: Thank you!
Fairy Godmother: Let me think of something... Here we go, I though of it so very quickly, let's pretend that I'm a damsel in distress.
Rod Rescueman: You'll be the damsel in distress.
Fairy Godmother: Better me than you.
Rod Rescueman: Well I couldn't rescue myself, that doesn't count.
Fairy Godmother: It really doesn't.
[flies up onto her desk]
Fairy Godmother: OK, to make it a little more interesting I will be a damsel in distress currently on fire.
Rod Rescueman: At this moment, on fire.
Fairy Godmother: Here we go.
[lights a ring of fire around her]
Fairy Godmother: Oh, help! Damsel in distress currently on fire! Oh, help!
Rod Rescueman: This is the test where I show you...
Fairy Godmother: This is where you jump in and do something!
Rod Rescueman: Alright, you're on fire...
Fairy Godmother: Currently!
Rod Rescueman: Excuse me ma'am! Superheros are very polite!
Fairy Godmother: [fire stops blazing] Skip polite, go right back!
[fire starts blazing again]
Fairy Godmother: I now feel molecules charing internally!
Rod Rescueman: Gotchya!

Fairy Godmother: Oh, help! Damsel in distress currently on fire!
Rod Rescueman: Would you like to be rescued?
Fairy Godmother: [fire stop blazing] More than life itself!
[fire begins to blaze again]
Rod Rescueman: Let me just suck those flames up then!
[sucks flames into his mouth]
Fairy Godmother: My hero!
Rod Rescueman: Thank you!
[blows out flames all over the fairy godmother turning her black and crispy with the top of her wand eventually falling off]
Fairy Godmother: Oh, jeez! This is pain!
Rod Rescueman: Do I get the job, or should we move right onto the shark infested waters test?
Fairy Godmother: I'll give you the job, you'll get out of here!


Cinderfella (1960)
Fairy Godfather: [Fella has fainted] Jack and Jill! Fetch a pail of water!
[Jack and Jill magically appear and dump water on Fella]

Fairy Godfather: Fella, you have been chosen to rectify all the great wrongs brought about by the original Cinderella story. Through the centuries, the women of the world influenced by the Cinderella story have waited. Waited for their Prince Charming's to come galloping out of the wild blue yonders on their white horses to claim their hands in marriage.
Cinderfella: Yeah, I read that once...
Fairy Godfather: But there was only one Prince Charming! And, when he didn't appear, these women married the closest available man. And they were forever after after miserable, because they always regretted and they felt that, well, they had taken second-best. But what is worse, they made their poor husbands miserable because the poor fellow wasn't a prince.
Cinderfella: Tsk, tsk, tsk...
Fairy Godfather: Oh, the Cinderella legend has brought nothing but dissatisfaction to the hearts of women. And their husbands have taken the brunt of it.
Cinderfella: It's not fair.
Fairy Godfather: I won't bother you with actual statistics, Fella, but the unhappy husbands of the world are crying for help! They're crying for a chance to get even. It's time, for a change! And you have been chosen to bring out that change.
Cinderfella: Change... I'm... chosen... I'm... who... chosen...?

Fairy Godfather: If you can no longer believe in your Fairy Godfather, maybe it'll be easier to believe in your Fairy Godmother... I'm up on all this Oedipus nonsense, ya know!

Cinderfella: Hey, isn't he holding the future wife just a little too close?
Fairy Godfather: Oh, ho-ho! Stop worrying. She's all yours, every bit of her.
Cinderfella: Yeah, but I'd like to have the bits he's holding!


Hey Cinderella! (1969) (TV)
Fairy Godmother: [dancing with Splurge] Oh Splurge, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you with your mask on!

Cinderella: [as the clock strikes midnight] Oh my goodness, I have to go!
Prince Arthur Charming: Oh, but you haven't even had any ice cream and cake.
Fairy Godmother: Step on it!
Cinderella: I'm coming!
Prince Arthur Charming: Whoever heard of not staying for the ice cream and cake?
Cinderella: I... I know but...
Prince Arthur Charming: Hey, don't you want to see Dad open his presents?
Cinderella: But, thank you for a lovely evening and please thank your father...
Prince Arthur Charming: Wait! The night is young!
Cinderella: Goodbye!
[Cinderella runs from the palace, accidentally leaving a glass slipper behind]
Prince Arthur Charming: [following] Hey wait a minute! I don't even know who you...
[there is the sound of glass breaking as he steps forward]
King Goshposh: Hey, what was that you stepped on son?
Prince Arthur Charming: I don't know. It looks like it used to be some sort of glass shoe...

Fairy Godmother: With one wave of my magic wand, I will turn you from a puppet into a real boy!
Cinderella: Oh, but I don't want to be a real boy.
Fairy Godmother: Oh, of course you don't! Glad I thought of him though, I think I left him in a whale somewhere.

Fairy Godmother: [performing on stage] And now, for all you horse-drawn coach fans, dispataci!
[the pumpkin she is enchanting turns into a payphone booth with the phone ringing. She enters and answers it]
Fairy Godmother: Hello? No, I will *not* accept the charges!


The Slipper and the Rose: The Story of Cinderella (1976)
Fairy Godmother: You're not meant to understand it. You're meant to accept it. Graciously.

Fairy Godmother: I suppose I shall simply have to rise to the occasion and do something spectacular, yet again. And spectaculars always take so much out of me... It was the same with Snow White. All the same, you young girls: never do as you're told! Men are MUCH easier.

Fairy Godmother: No one will recognize you for what you are. People seldom do.


Movie Magic (????)
Cody: Does it actually travel through time?
Fairy Godfather: That's only in the movies. Come on!


The Learning Curves (2010) (TV)
Donna Curve: [to Fairy Godfather as everyone walks to the door] Well, thanks for stopping by.
Fairy Godfather: [to Donna] Stella.
Donna Curve: No, sir. It's DONNA.
Fairy Godfather: [to Don, placing his hands on Don's cheeks as they stand by the open door] Michael. Don't forget to pick up a loaf of bread for your mom.
Don Curve: [pointing to Fairy Godfather as he walks out the door] Um... it's DON.
Fairy Godfather: [Fairy Godfather turns to look at Don] No. I'M the Don.


The Adventures of Cinderella's Daughter (2000)
Fairy Godmother: Look at you. You've been sleeping by the fireplace again, haven't you.
Queen Cinderella: I don't ever want to forget who I am.


Cinderella (1977)
Fairy Godmother: Which one of ya honkeys got my bag?


Cinderella (1957) (TV)
Fairy Godmother: All the dreamers in all the world are dizzy in the noodle!


Sinderella Live (1995) (V)
PC Lifelike: How do you overcome drowsiness while driving on the motorway?
Baron Hardon: You finger... You finger the hitch-hiker!
[after a very awkward pause]
Buttons: He didn't read any of his bloody script! You *fondle* the hitch-hiker! *Fondle*!
Baron Hardon: [doing hand actions] You fondle, I fucking finger!
[Everyone else laughs; Baron Hardon then licks his finger]
Buttons, Fairy Godmother, PC Lifelike: [in disgust] OH!


Cinderella (1965) (TV)
[last lines]
Fairy Godmother: [singing] Impossible things are happening every day!


Happily N'Ever After (2006)
Fairy Godmother: Time to get your prince, my dear Mozzarella!
Ella: It's Cinderella.
Fairy Godmother: Really? Why'd you change it?


Spidarlings (2016)
The Fairy Godmother: Bad boys don't get any wishes... so fuck you!