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Quotes for
Derek Venturi (Character)
from "Life with Derek" (2005)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Life with Derek: Babe Raider (#1.11)" (2005)
[on Derek's posters of scantily-clad women]
Nora McDonald: Derek, those women were half-naked.
Derek: But art galleries are filled with pictures of *fully* naked women.
Edwin: Really? Dude, let's go!

Derek Venturi: Have you seen the new mailman?
Edwin Venturi: Yeah, she's a chick!
Marti Venturi: The mailman is a chicken?

Derek Venturi: [reading the manifesto] Number one: no playing Babe Raider in the house.
Edwin Venturi: Does the garage count as the house?
Derek Venturi: Number two, The garage counts as the house!

Derek Venturi: Casey plays Babe Radier... and she is good?
Sam: Yeah, that's what I said. I was surprised to, but...
Derek Venturi: No, stop, that is just insanity!

Casey McDonald: Don't you understand how wrong this stuff is?
Derek Venturi: Sounds like somebody's jealous of somebody else's double-D body armor.

Derek Venturi: [after Nora threw out Derek's poster of a woman wearing a skirt, exposing her thong straps] What does taking down my posters have to do with equality?
Nora MacDonald: There's a University essay I wrote on The Feminist Mystique. Maybe you'd like to read it.
Derek Venturi: Sure. Anything else you'd like me to do for "the cause?"
Nora MacDonald: Sure. You can clean up this mess and do the dishes.
Derek Venturi: Consider it done
[Nora walks away]
Derek Venturi: Edwin, clean up this mess and do the dishes.
Edwin Venturi: Hey, you can't tell me what to do because you're not a woman!

"Life with Derek: The Room (#1.1)" (2005)
Nora McDonald: No but new traditions are good for a new family don't you think
Derek Venturi: How so?

Derek Venturi: Sup.
Emily: He has gotten cuter over the summer.

Casey McDonald: Can you please turn it down? Derek!
Derek Venturi: Who are you?
Casey McDonald: I'm the step-sister you've always wanted
Derek Venturi: Really? 'Cause you look like the ugly stepsister from Snow White.
Casey McDonald: That's Cinderella, you freak.

Casey McDonald: You are one of the most annoying people I have ever met!
Derek Venturi: I may be annoying, but at least I didn't try and trick you into changing rooms! Since when did the keener become the schemer?

Derek Venturi: [in the bathroom] Do you mind?
Casey McDonald: Uh, yeah, I was in here first.
Derek Venturi: Well, suit yourself.
[Casey simply looks gobsmacked and turns to leave the room]

"Life with Derek: The Fall (#1.2)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: Even if I could help, which I wouldn't she wouldn't accept my help which I'm not offering.

Casey McDonald: I'd shake your hand but I'm...
Derek Venturi: Sweaty and gross.

Sam: You have a step-sister.
Derek Venturi: It was a recent accident by marriage.

Derek Venturi: I need you to do me a favor.
Corey: Sure man, what is it?
Derek Venturi: Cut Casey some slack.
Corey: Why?
Derek Venturi: 'Cause she's my step-sister.
Corey: No.
Derek Venturi: Yes, afraid so.
Corey: Well, don't sweat it man, I won't tell anyone.
Derek Venturi: No, no, it's cool. Tell everyone, okay?

"Life with Derek: Puppy Dog Tails (#1.4)" (2005)
George Venturi: That couch has history! It's been in my family since I was a teenager! I had my first kiss on that couch
Derek Venturi: Me too!
Edwin Venturi: And I was GUNNA have my first kiss it!

Casey McDonald: I never realized these things are so important to you men! Boys and girls are different, you know!
Derek Venturi: Yeah, I found that out the fun way on our old couch.

Casey McDonald: Girls are different than boys you know.
Derek Venturi: Yeah, I found that out the fun way on our old couch.

Casey McDonald: I shouldn't have pushed you into redecorating, Mom.
Derek Venturi: Yeah, and Dad - Casey shouldn't have pushed Nora into it.

"Life with Derek: The Wedding (#1.6)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: Are you INTERRRUPTING the director?

Derek Venturi: You know not to ever eat strange berries again. GOT IT SMARTY?
Marti Venturi: Got it smerek.

Derek Venturi: Don't talk to me, talk to Vicki!

"Life with Derek: Male Code Blue (#1.13)" (2006)
Derek: [Telling Sam to talk to Casey] Now go before I find the mind I clearly have lost.

Derek: Ok, I can't stop you two from going out but one request. Please no acting boyfriendy girlfriendy in front of me. I'd rather not puke in public.
Casey: Agreed
Sam: Agreed
Derek: Oh and whoever is play footsy with my STOP
Casey, Sam: Sorry

Derek Venturi: Why are you yelling at me? Sam's the one who listened to me.
Casey MacDonald: You're right.
[pushes Sam down]
Casey MacDonald: What were you thinking listening to Derek?
Sam: I don't know I'm an idiot.
Casey MacDonald: Yeah that's why you two deserve each other, and I don't want to be the cause of ending a friendship between two idiots!
[storms off]

"Life with Derek: Adios, Derek (#3.12)" (2007)
Derek Venturi: Senora?
[raises hand]
Senora Sanchez: Yes, Derek?
Derek Venturi: May I please be expelled?

Casey MacDonald: Oh, so it's my fault you're failing Spanish.
Derek Venturi: Yeah, and thanks to you my parents might be sending me to private school.
Casey MacDonald: What! That is SO unfair!
Derek Venturi: I know!
Casey MacDonald: When I wanted to go to private school, there wasn't money.
Derek Venturi: Huh?

Derek Venturi: Stinky Feet, a haiku by Casey McDonald: My feet are stinky. Foot spray deodorizes. Foul odour remains...

"Life with Derek: Battle of the Bands (#2.5)" (2006)
Sam: [after Casey's rendition of Derek's song] Well, I... I liked it.
Casey MacDonald: [with a shy smile] Thanks, Sam. That means a lot.
Derek Venturi: Hey, Ralphie, wanna be my new best friend?
Ralph: [gives Derek a thumbs up]

Casey MacDonald: Is that why you hired me to be your frontwoman, so I could wear revealing clothes?
Sam: No.
Derek Venturi: Ew!
Ralph: Yeah

Derek Venturi: Dude, are those leather pants?
Ralph: I wish. They're vinyl and they don't breathe. Ah, what are you guys wearing on Monday?
Sam: Clothes... that breathe.

"Life with Derek: Sweet Misery (#1.10)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: [pretending to be on the phone] Hello, world. Guess what Casey did.

Derek Venturi: There's something I have to watch.
Casey McDonald: Oh let me guess - sports or cleavage?
Derek Venturi: Women's beach volleyball. Best of both worlds.

"Life with Derek: Grade-Point: Average (#1.5)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: [on Marti's cow toy] Quack, quack!
George Venturi: What was that Marti?
Marti Venturi: My cow quacked.
George Venturi: Oh, your cow quacked. Nora!

Sam: We could always work on the English project together.
Derek Venturi: Thanks, but I don't think both of us failing is the answer.

"Life with Derek: Sixteen Sparkplugs (#3.14)" (2007)
George Venturi: That day was the happiest day of my life.
Derek Venturi: Really?
George Venturi: Yeah, I wanted that car for so long.
Derek Venturi: Huh?
George Venturi: And you being born was big too.

George Venturi: The prince has been in this family for 16 years.
Derek Venturi: Really, then the prince and I have a lot in common.
Casey MacDonald: Were getting rid of you too?

"Life with Derek: Marti the Monster (#1.9)" (2005)
[Sandra arrives at the house]
Sandra: [going in] Casey?
Casey McDonald: [suprised] Sandra?
Derek Venturi: [smiling] Sandra.
Sandra: Derek, is Casey your girlfriend?

"Life with Derek: Power Failure (#3.5)" (2007)
[after Derek uses his prefect powers at home to make a bathroom schedule]
Casey MacDonald: You're the prefect of the school not of our house!
[picks up a trash can]
Derek Venturi: If you have a complaint, you can put it in my suggestion box.

"Life with Derek: House of Games (#1.8)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: I amuse you, like a clown?

"Life with Derek: Misadventures in Babysitting (#3.3)" (2007)
[Kendra leaving, in happy tears]
Derek Venturi: Kendra? You forgot to untie me.
Kendra: [abruptly calm] No, I didn't.

"Life with Derek: All Systems No Go (#1.12)" (2006)
Emily: [on the phone with Casey] Is that Derek? I was JUST watching him swim. Not that I was staring or anything.
Derek: Is that Emily? Can you tell her to stop like, STARING at me when I swim?