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Quotes for
Derek Venturi (Character)
from "Life with Derek" (2005)

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"Life with Derek: Babe Raider (#1.11)" (2005)
[on Derek's posters of scantily-clad women]
Nora McDonald: Derek, those women were half-naked.
Derek: But art galleries are filled with pictures of *fully* naked women.
Edwin: Really? Dude, let's go!

Derek Venturi: Have you seen the new mailman?
Edwin Venturi: Yeah, she's a chick!
Marti Venturi: The mailman is a chicken?

Derek Venturi: [reading the manifesto] Number one: no playing Babe Raider in the house.
Edwin Venturi: Does the garage count as the house?
Derek Venturi: Number two, The garage counts as the house!

Derek Venturi: Casey plays Babe Radier... and she is good?
Sam: Yeah, that's what I said. I was surprised to, but...
Derek Venturi: No, stop, that is just insanity!

Casey McDonald: Don't you understand how wrong this stuff is?
Derek Venturi: Sounds like somebody's jealous of somebody else's double-D body armor.

Derek Venturi: [after Nora threw out Derek's poster of a woman wearing a skirt, exposing her thong straps] What does taking down my posters have to do with equality?
Nora MacDonald: There's a University essay I wrote on The Feminist Mystique. Maybe you'd like to read it.
Derek Venturi: Sure. Anything else you'd like me to do for "the cause?"
Nora MacDonald: Sure. You can clean up this mess and do the dishes.
Derek Venturi: Consider it done
[Nora walks away]
Derek Venturi: Edwin, clean up this mess and do the dishes.
Edwin Venturi: Hey, you can't tell me what to do because you're not a woman!


"Life with Derek: The Room (#1.1)" (2005)
Nora McDonald: No but new traditions are good for a new family don't you think
Derek Venturi: How so?

Derek Venturi: Sup.
Emily: He has gotten cuter over the summer.

Casey McDonald: Can you please turn it down? Derek!
Derek Venturi: Who are you?
Casey McDonald: I'm the step-sister you've always wanted
Derek Venturi: Really? 'Cause you look like the ugly stepsister from Snow White.
Casey McDonald: That's Cinderella, you freak.

Casey McDonald: You are one of the most annoying people I have ever met!
Derek Venturi: I may be annoying, but at least I didn't try and trick you into changing rooms! Since when did the keener become the schemer?

Derek Venturi: [in the bathroom] Do you mind?
Casey McDonald: Uh, yeah, I was in here first.
Derek Venturi: Well, suit yourself.
[Casey simply looks gobsmacked and turns to leave the room]


"Life with Derek: The Fall (#1.2)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: Even if I could help, which I wouldn't she wouldn't accept my help which I'm not offering.

Casey McDonald: I'd shake your hand but I'm...
Derek Venturi: Sweaty and gross.

Sam: You have a step-sister.
Derek Venturi: It was a recent accident by marriage.

Derek Venturi: I need you to do me a favor.
Corey: Sure man, what is it?
Derek Venturi: Cut Casey some slack.
Corey: Why?
Derek Venturi: 'Cause she's my step-sister.
Corey: No.
Derek Venturi: Yes, afraid so.
Corey: Well, don't sweat it man, I won't tell anyone.
Derek Venturi: No, no, it's cool. Tell everyone, okay?


"Life with Derek: Puppy Dog Tails (#1.4)" (2005)
George Venturi: That couch has history! It's been in my family since I was a teenager! I had my first kiss on that couch
Derek Venturi: Me too!
Edwin Venturi: And I was GUNNA have my first kiss it!

Casey McDonald: I never realized these things are so important to you men! Boys and girls are different, you know!
Derek Venturi: Yeah, I found that out the fun way on our old couch.

Casey McDonald: Girls are different than boys you know.
Derek Venturi: Yeah, I found that out the fun way on our old couch.

Casey McDonald: I shouldn't have pushed you into redecorating, Mom.
Derek Venturi: Yeah, and Dad - Casey shouldn't have pushed Nora into it.


"Life with Derek: The Wedding (#1.6)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: Are you INTERRRUPTING the director?

Derek Venturi: You know not to ever eat strange berries again. GOT IT SMARTY?
Marti Venturi: Got it smerek.

Derek Venturi: Don't talk to me, talk to Vicki!


"Life with Derek: Male Code Blue (#1.13)" (2006)
Derek: [Telling Sam to talk to Casey] Now go before I find the mind I clearly have lost.

Derek: Ok, I can't stop you two from going out but one request. Please no acting boyfriendy girlfriendy in front of me. I'd rather not puke in public.
Casey: Agreed
Sam: Agreed
Derek: Oh and whoever is play footsy with my STOP
Casey, Sam: Sorry

Derek Venturi: Why are you yelling at me? Sam's the one who listened to me.
Casey MacDonald: You're right.
[pushes Sam down]
Casey MacDonald: What were you thinking listening to Derek?
Sam: I don't know I'm an idiot.
Casey MacDonald: Yeah that's why you two deserve each other, and I don't want to be the cause of ending a friendship between two idiots!
[storms off]


"Life with Derek: Adios, Derek (#3.12)" (2007)
Derek Venturi: Senora?
[raises hand]
Senora Sanchez: Yes, Derek?
Derek Venturi: May I please be expelled?

Casey MacDonald: Oh, so it's my fault you're failing Spanish.
Derek Venturi: Yeah, and thanks to you my parents might be sending me to private school.
Casey MacDonald: What! That is SO unfair!
Derek Venturi: I know!
Casey MacDonald: When I wanted to go to private school, there wasn't money.
Derek Venturi: Huh?

Derek Venturi: Stinky Feet, a haiku by Casey McDonald: My feet are stinky. Foot spray deodorizes. Foul odour remains...


"Life with Derek: Battle of the Bands (#2.5)" (2006)
Sam: [after Casey's rendition of Derek's song] Well, I... I liked it.
Casey MacDonald: [with a shy smile] Thanks, Sam. That means a lot.
Derek Venturi: Hey, Ralphie, wanna be my new best friend?
Ralph: [gives Derek a thumbs up]

Casey MacDonald: Is that why you hired me to be your frontwoman, so I could wear revealing clothes?
Sam: No.
Derek Venturi: Ew!
Ralph: Yeah

Derek Venturi: Dude, are those leather pants?
Ralph: I wish. They're vinyl and they don't breathe. Ah, what are you guys wearing on Monday?
Sam: Clothes... that breathe.


"Life with Derek: Sweet Misery (#1.10)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: [pretending to be on the phone] Hello, world. Guess what Casey did.

Derek Venturi: There's something I have to watch.
Casey McDonald: Oh let me guess - sports or cleavage?
Derek Venturi: Women's beach volleyball. Best of both worlds.


"Life with Derek: Grade-Point: Average (#1.5)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: [on Marti's cow toy] Quack, quack!
George Venturi: What was that Marti?
Marti Venturi: My cow quacked.
George Venturi: Oh, your cow quacked. Nora!

Sam: We could always work on the English project together.
Derek Venturi: Thanks, but I don't think both of us failing is the answer.


"Life with Derek: Sixteen Sparkplugs (#3.14)" (2007)
George Venturi: That day was the happiest day of my life.
Derek Venturi: Really?
George Venturi: Yeah, I wanted that car for so long.
Derek Venturi: Huh?
George Venturi: And you being born was big too.

George Venturi: The prince has been in this family for 16 years.
Derek Venturi: Really, then the prince and I have a lot in common.
Casey MacDonald: Were getting rid of you too?


"Life with Derek: Marti the Monster (#1.9)" (2005)
[Sandra arrives at the house]
Sandra: [going in] Casey?
Casey McDonald: [suprised] Sandra?
Derek Venturi: [smiling] Sandra.
Sandra: Derek, is Casey your girlfriend?


"Life with Derek: Power Failure (#3.5)" (2007)
[after Derek uses his prefect powers at home to make a bathroom schedule]
Casey MacDonald: You're the prefect of the school not of our house!
[picks up a trash can]
Derek Venturi: If you have a complaint, you can put it in my suggestion box.


"Life with Derek: House of Games (#1.8)" (2005)
Derek Venturi: I amuse you, like a clown?


"Life with Derek: Misadventures in Babysitting (#3.3)" (2007)
[Kendra leaving, in happy tears]
Derek Venturi: Kendra? You forgot to untie me.
Kendra: [abruptly calm] No, I didn't.


"Life with Derek: All Systems No Go (#1.12)" (2006)
Emily: [on the phone with Casey] Is that Derek? I was JUST watching him swim. Not that I was staring or anything.
Derek: Is that Emily? Can you tell her to stop like, STARING at me when I swim?