Danny Williams
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Quotes for
Danny Williams (Character)
from "Hawaii Five-0" (2010)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Hawaii Five-0: Mana'o (#1.8)" (2010)
Amy Hanamoa: My husband sacrificed his life for the job, and... the way he died. I just - I need to know there's someone out there looking for the people who did that to him.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay, listen - there is now.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Cage] Okay, you know what? *This* is why everybody hates Internal Affairs. Because you are useless, not even worth it. I'm going to talk to some real cops.

Detective Kaleo: You got issues, haole? Take it up with IA. Cause we got a gag order here, and around here we follow orders. Understand?
[Surrepticiously flashes Danny a note]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Unfortuneately, yeah.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Yelling] Our job is to go after the suspect! Not the victim! Not the previously convicted! The suspect, Ochoa. He deal drugs and he's dangerous. That's what I'm gonna focus on, okay?
Steve McGarrett: [Sarcastically] I am so glad you're not a hothead. I would hate to work with someone like that.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: So uh, just a question: things go bad: which one of these guys do you want?
Steve McGarrett: I'll, uh, take the ugly one.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's good. They're both ugly.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Where is Ochoa?
Bastille: I'm not saying a word. Not one single word.
Steve McGarrett: You wanted to do it the hard way, you should have just said so.

Steve McGarrett: [Bastille's on the hood of Danny's car] Just for the record, if I pulled something like this, you would be reading me the riot act on proper police procedure.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. I'd probably just arrest you.
Steve McGarrett: Compared to this, hanging a guy off a roof and throwing a guy in a shark tank is pretty tame.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know what? I disagree. Shark cage is way worse.
Steve McGarrett: Whatever. You're wrong. I'm just saying, to be clear, next time I get a free pass, okay?

Chin Ho Kelly: Eventually, he put a cloud of guilt so thick over my head, he turned my desk into a ghost town. Loneliest place on Earth is when no one believes you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: All right, got your back now, buddy. All right?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I can give you a minute to talk to them if you want.
Sang Min: ...No.
[Sniffles]
Sang Min: I've caused my wife and son enough pain. But thank you, for keeping your word.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I appreciate you being here. I know you didn't know him.
Steve McGarrett: I know you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Thank you.

Amy Hanamoa: Meka always said you were the best partner he ever had.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, for a haole, anyway.
Amy Hanamoa: [laughs] It wasn't like that. He liked working with you because you had fresh eyes. Good instincts. And he said you were always direct with him. He trusted you with his life.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: What's with the face?
Steve McGarrett: I don't have a face.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yes, you do. You have a face, okay? I am a detective. It's what I do. I read people.
Steve McGarrett: All right.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: And you, my friend, have a face.
Steve McGarrett: All right. I wanna ask you something, but I know it's gonna piss you off.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Would you not always be so judgmental?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You look horrible, Sang Min.
Sang Min: Been in solitary for thirty days. What's your excuse?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Uh... must be all the sunshine I'm getting on the outside.
Sang Min: So, just you? Where's that little hottie surfer girl who set me up?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: She's busy, uh... but she did ask me to punch you in the mouth for her.


"Hawaii Five-0: Heihei (#1.10)" (2010)
Chin Ho Kelly: You know you can create shortcuts on that thing. Type a letter and it'll finish the word for you - just for the words you use a lot.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, I'd have to seriously consider the words I use a lot.
Chin Ho Kelly: [Chuckles] That you would.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know, I just had a thought.
Steve McGarrett: Don't hurt yourself.

Steve McGarrett: What is with you today? Your phone is blowing up.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's Rachel, all right? The lawyers have decided that since we "activate" each other, that email would be a better form of communication- except I *hate* email. I'm never at a computer. And I can't type on this thing because I have goofy thumbs.

Rachel: How did you even get in the gate?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Because the code is still Grace's birthday. I told you to change it 15,000 times, but you don't listen to me.
Rachel: Perhaps you'd care to explain what it is you're doing on my front porch and who your friend is with the luggage?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Uh, this is my partner - Steve McGarrett. Steve, this is my ex-wife - Rachel.

Rachel: The two of you can do what you like. I'm picking up Grace from school and checking into a hotel.
Steve McGarrett: Uh, you can't do that.
Rachel: I'm not your suspect
Steve McGarrett: I understand that. But we all just need to act normal. Uh, if you start breaking routines, then they get suspicious.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh Rachel, I got an idea. Why don't you take Gracie over to Laura's for a sleepover? 'Cause she only be asking for, I don't know, 3 months.
Rachel: And I'm supposed to just stay here?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm not thrilled about the situation either. This? No.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh you know what we should do? We're about to take them down. So maybe beforehand we invite them over for a game of tennis. Tea and tennis.
Rachel: Bite me.
[Rachel leaves]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's very civilized

Steve McGarrett: She's cool, man. She's cool. I don't know how you got her.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: How did I get her? Hey. I am a good catch.
Steve McGarrett: No, really. How did you get her?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny sighs] Seriously? Uh, she hit me.

Steve McGarrett: [as Danny is searching the suspect's house] So what happened to you two anyway?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Happened to you two who?
Steve McGarrett: You and Rachel.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny grabs a bag of chips and starts crunching the chips] Breaking up. I can't hear you.

Rachel: [Handing a pad to Danny] Names. Though I'm fairly certain they're fake.
[Hands a pen to Danny]
Rachel: Maybe you can get prints off the pen.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Prints off the pen?
Rachel: I was married to a cop, remember?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Raised a good kid.
Rachel: Yes. We did do something right.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What time do you want me to pick her up next weekend?
Rachel: I'll call you.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: What's the matter with you, huh? We got a situation. I've been calling you like you owe me money.
Steve McGarrett: What are you talking about? I didn't hear my phone.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I called like five, six times.
Steve McGarrett: I believe you. I didn't hear my phone. I left it right over here. Where's my phone? Have you seen my phone?
[Kamekona grimaces, leans over and pulls said phone out from under his butt]
Kamekona: Oh, sorry.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You didn't feel that vibrating? Ever?
Kamekona: Oh, that's what it was.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: What are the odds, huh? He gets a bullet in the dome, goes through four hours of brain surgery and he survives, yet a hundred and fifty people die every year from falling coconuts.
[Steve gives him a questioning look]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's a fact. I read it online.
Steve McGarrett: Oh, so now you're not gonna let Grace go near coconut trees?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Not without a helmet, I'm not.

Grace Williams: Did you catch the bad guys?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Did I catch...? Who you talking to?


"Hawaii Five-0: Malama Ka Aina (#1.3)" (2010)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to McGarrett] There's something wrong with you. You know that, right?

Steve McGarrett: [Danny covers Grace's ears] What's wrong with tennis, Danny?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'll tell you what's wrong with tennis. It can be played on a table which makes it an activity not a sport. You throw the ball to me, I catch the ball. *That's* a sport. It's my duty as a father to teach my daughter the difference.
Grace: Dad, I can still hear you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Uncovers Grace's ears] You're not supposed to be listening to me, because you're supposed to be paying attention to football. It's a sport.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [On his phone to his ex] That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. Violence follows me? I mean, how do you even come up with something like that. No, what happened here has nothing to with my job. In fact, it's just the opposite, okay? She *is* safe because I *am* a cop... H uh? I can't - I can't even do this right now. She'll be there in 5 minutes an officer's bringing her home. Yeah. Goodbye.
[Ends the call]
Steve McGarrett: Can't wait to meet your ex.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. Two of you can plan my demise.

Steve McGarrett: You know when I was a kis, this island seemed like it was the safest place on earth.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's the great thing about being a kid, you don't know any better.
Steve McGarrett: You could leave your door unlocked. No one would bother you. And if people had a beef, they'd settle it with their fists, not guns.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Back home, you win a fight. You go home, lock the door *twice*. Because you know someone's coming after you with a gun.
Steve McGarrett: God.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Think maybe Hawaii's catching up with the times.
Steve McGarrett: Maybe.

Steve McGarrett: Let me break it down for you, okay? Kids with guns kill innocent people and cops!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Right.
Steve McGarrett: Now that kid, maybe he's going to finish a math assignment. More likely, he's looking for another gun so he can shoot someone. Why? Because you convinently decided to forget about the law!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He's angry because someone killed a member of his family today and he feels like if he doesn't do something about it, nobody will. So let's prove him wrong. Come on, we have a job to do.

Steve McGarrett: Law enforcement is Chin's family business. So when he lost his badge, he lost his family. If he wants to wear a badge, he has to be able to deal with things like this.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You weren't held as a baby, were you?
Steve McGarrett: It's called tough love.

Steve McGarrett: Let me ask you something. How far deep did you have to dig? I mean how much of your sould did you lose by actually appreciating me?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Uh, measuring.
Steve McGarrett: Right. Maybe you're not alone around here as you think, Danno.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Three girls in the next car flirts with them. To McGarrett] Detour. I beg of you. I beg of you.
[McGarret drives away]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What ar you doing? Turn around!

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I just got one question: What's a quarterback doing with the number fifty?
Steve McGarrett: No. It's five - oh.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah.
Steve McGarrett: NO, it's not fifty, it's five-oh. It's what my dad used to call our family because we weren't native Hawaiians. So he nicknamed us "Five-oh's." After the fiftyth state in the union, I don't know. I guess it was his way of making us feel like we belonged, I guess.
Kono Kalakaua: Hmm. I like that. Five-oh.

Steve McGarrett: Law enforcement is Chin's family business. So, when he lost his badge, he lost his family. If he wants to wear a badge, he has to be able to deal with things like this.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You weren't held when you were a baby, were you?
Steve McGarrett: It's called tough love, partner.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ah.
Steve McGarrett: Oh and, by the way, I was held. Okay? I have photos if you want proof.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Photo shop.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Referring to a pizza restaurant that is delivering guns] This town could use a good slice. It's a shame we gotta put 'em outta business.
Steve McGarrett: You should try Ialani's in Waikiki. They have the best ham and pineapple in the world.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh! Oh!
Steve McGarrett: What?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Let me... explain something to you, okay? Pizza... is mutz, sauce and dough. That is it. Alright? You, uh, wanna put a pepperoni on your slice, that's fine. But, ham? Out! Fruit? Out! Okay? I don't care where we are. Pizza and pineapple do not belong in the same air space.
Steve McGarrett: I guess you feel quite strongly about this.

Steve McGarrett: [When Danny's cell phone rings with the Star Wars Storm Trooper theme] That's cute. Your ex get a new ring tone?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, it's... the miserable attorney.
[Answers the call]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yes, Lord Vader.


"Hawaii Five-0: Kai e' e (#1.15)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Steve McGarrett: He looked after my sister.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, I know. And she ran away.
Kamekona: Hey, that's bulei, bro. She tricked me. Playing on my emotional vulnerabilities.

Chin Ho Kelly: You know what they say about coincideces?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I don't.
Chin Ho Kelly: They usually take a lot of planning.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [about an empty sandbag] It could be garbage. But one man's garbage is another man's evidence. Let's grab it.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You cannot create a tsunami.
Steve McGarrett: That's right... unless you can!

Chin Ho Kelly: We've got a problem.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What is that?
Chin Ho Kelly: The wave's just picked up speed. It's coming in faster than they thought.
Steve McGarrett: How much faster?
Chin Ho Kelly: It's coming in right now!

Danny 'Danno' Williams: We go bust these guys, HPD does an inventory on that money. They are gonna see that $10 million is missing.
Kono Kalakaua: It doesn't ncessarily trace back to us.
Steve McGarrett: We asked the governor to borrow $10 million, and she turned us down. As soon as the HPD tells her how much exactly is missing, she'll put it all together. But what's the alternative.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: We could let them go. Get a clean slate... But I'd never look at my daughter's face again... Let's go.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's uh, gonna be your last chance to say it. Come on.
Steve McGarrett: ...Book 'em, Danno.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [as Steve's about to talk withe the Governor] What are you looking at? We're all in this together.

Steve McGarrett: She wanted to thank us. Actually to - to uh, congratulate us on another job well done.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm - I'm sorry. What?
Chin Ho Kelly: Allright, what about the money?
Steve McGarrett: 28 million. It's all present and accounted for.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hmmm.
Kono Kalakaua: Whoa. I don't understand.
Steve McGarrett: The money's all there.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: What the hell is that?
Kono Kalakaua: It's a tsunami warning.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's a tsunami...? Are you kidding me?

Steve McGarrett: I need to know who's sending these e-mails.
Tanya: How am I supposed to know that?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You're a hacker.
[Danny hands Tanya her laptop]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hack.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [about a dead suspect] You couldn't have walked him down the steps?
Steve McGarrett: What's in his hand, Danny? He drew his gun on me. Okay?


"Hawaii Five-0: Ko'olauloa (#1.6)" (2010)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: This place is crazy. All these people, you'd think it was the Super Bowl.
Steve McGarrett: That's Hawaii. The Coral Prince Championship *is* our Super Bowl.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Grace keeps asking me for surfing lessons. I told her no chance.
Steve McGarrett: What, you got something against surfing now?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, I don't have anything against surfing. I have something against sharks, skin cancer, anything involving my daughter wearing a bikini.

Steve McGarrett: You okay?
Kono Kalakaua: Yeah. I want to go to the Coral Prince House. Talk to the team. Get some statements.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Kono, we can cover this one for you.
Kono Kalakaua: No. I want this one.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm sorry. Is that - are you speaking English?
Surfer: Hey no need for get agro.
Steve McGarrett: He caught it on land, brah... Danno don't surf.
Surfer: Shoots.
[Surfer leaves]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I dare you to tell me what he just said. I'm done.

Kono Kalakaua: I just felt helpless out there.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I know. Cops supposed to come in and save the day. But sometimes we just can't

Kono Kalakaua: And surfing was more than just a sport to him. It was Earth, and the sun and the sky and the water and the heart. It was everything and he passed that on to his surfers. And it made us better people. I need to pay him back for that and I can't do that sitting here.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I understand.

Steve McGarrett: On this Island, there is an easy way to do things and a hard way. With the Kapu, talking to Ka Wika *before* we go after Levi and Diego is the easy way.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ah, so what's uh, throwing somebody in a shark tank and then hanging another guy off a roof?
Steve McGarrett: Those guys were from out of town.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You're a sick person, you know that?
Steve McGarrett: In the best possible way though, right?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no, not in the best possible way. In a very terrible way. It's not a compliment. You understand?

Steve McGarrett: Trust me I know this road.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: This is not a road. A road has asphault, two lanes. This is dirt on a cliff, okay? It's a long way down.
Steve McGarrett: Scared?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. I am not scared. I am rationally concerned.

Steve McGarrett: You know when I say "Book 'im Danno." It's a term of enderment.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay, do it everyday. I like it.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: This is not a road. A road has asphalt and two lanes, this is dirt on a cliff!

Kono Kalakaua: Did you ever have a teacher that turned you around? Someone that made you look at everything in a whole new way?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, actually. Uh, Mrs. Stojack, my sixth grade history teacher. Till I met her, I thought that the Cold War was fought in Alaska.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [having drunk a virgin cocktail called a Blue Hawaii] My tongue is the same color as my shirt.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ka Iwi Kapu (#2.7)" (2011)
Samuel Lee: You angered the spirits.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I know. That's what I keep hearing.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm very sorry. I know we're supposed to go trick-or-treating, but Daddy just got called to work, okay? So I gotta go and I gotta take you back to Mom's, okay?
Grace Williams: I'll get my stuff!
[Grace eagerly runs to apartment to get her stuff]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I can tell you are just crushed. Shattered at the change of plans. Really bummed, I can see.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: All right, where's Weston?
Kono Kalakaua: She was, uh - she had to change into something more appropriate.
Steve McGarrett: Meaning she was wearing something inappropriate?
Kono Kalakaua: No. No. No. Uh, that's not what I said.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Kinda what you said.
[Kono sighs uncomfortably]
Steve McGarrett: Oh - she was wearing a costume.
Kono Kalakaua: Please don't tell her I told you.
Steve McGarrett: You didn't tell me. I guessed it.
Kono Kalakaua: Yeah. Right.
[Lori comes around the corner of the MEDIC vehicle a little out of breath]
Officer Lori Weston: Hey. Hey. Okay, let's get started.
[Steve and Danny smile and stare at Lori saying nothing]
Officer Lori Weston: [Lori to Kono] Oh, you told them.
Kono Kalakaua: They guessed.
Officer Lori Weston: Okay.
Steve McGarrett: Oh, this is fascinating.
Officer Lori Weston: I was at a Halloween party. What's so fascinating?
Steve McGarrett: The party isn't fascinating. What's fascinating is that you're not - you don't wanna tell us about it. You're kind of being all secretive. That's kind of weird.
Officer Lori Weston: Oh. Weird? Really? Not secretive. No. It's just my private life. And I can have a private life like you all have.
[Kono nods in affirmation]
Officer Lori Weston: [Lori looks at Danny] Why are you staring at me?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Uh, because I am just imagining, uh, who Lori Westin's alter ego might be. Uh, Wonder Woman.
Officer Lori Weston: No.
[Lori and Kono walk away and towards the crime scene]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Slutty Wonder Woman?
Officer Lori Weston: Stop it, Danno!

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ah! Everybody. I have found an ancient, Hawaiian artifact.
[Holding up a video camera as evidence in the heiau before the priest has arrived]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Look at that. Huh? Maybe they got a picgure of their killer. Uh, evil spirits. Are they gonna come and curse me now or what?
[Cut to Danny's car, where he is angrily staring at his windshield that has been smashed with a huge boulder]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve, who is standing behind him] Do not!
Steve McGarrett: Should've waited for the priest, buddy.
[Pats Danny on the back]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Shut up!

Dr. Max Bergman: Well, I have some good news and... weird news. Take a look at this. See the marks under her right eye - fingerprint bruising.
Steve McGarrett: Okay, he grabbed her face.
Dr. Max Bergman: Exactly, and when he did that, he very kindly left a print.
[Max holds up a pair of glasses]
Dr. Max Bergman: A nice one on the right lens. I ran it through the system, and found a match. A man by the name of Greg Straithan.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Nice work, Max. I'm impressed.
Dr. Max Bergman: Now the weird news: our suspect, Greg Straithan... is dead.

Mrs. Kekoa: [Woman gardening overhears end of Danny's phone conversation about an apartment no longer available to rent] If you're looking for an apartment, I think there's on available in this building.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh uh, yeah. That's nice but I think it's a little rich for my blood. Thank you.
Mrs. Kekoa: You'll have to take the stairs. Something is wrong with the elevator.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Of course, something's wrong with the elevator. I'm cursed.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I was gonna ask you about the pet deposit. I need to put that, because my daughter, she wants a dog.
Land Lady: Oh, I'm sorry. We have a strict no pet policy.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What're you taking about? What about the old lady?
Land Lady: What old lady?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: The old lady with the big dopey hat and the little dog, and she was gardening. She's the one who told me that the elevator was busted, which by the way, you're gonna fix, right?
Land Lady: It sounds like you're describing Mrs. Kekoa.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. Mrs. Kekoa.
Land Lady: Well, Mrs. Kekoa died five years ago. She fell down the elevator shaft.

Steve McGarrett: Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt trick-or-treating.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. It's fine. Grace was thrilled. She hates that hotel. I've got to find an apartment.
Steve McGarrett: Well, you found 10 apartments, Danny. None are good enough.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, it's called taste and standards, buddy.

Steve McGarrett: Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt trick-or-treating.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. It's fine. Grace was thrilled. She hates that hotel. I've got to find an apartment.
Steve McGarrett: Well, you found 10 apartments, Danny. None are good enough.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, it's called taste and standards, buddy.
Steve McGarrett: No, it's...
[interrupted by homeless man]
Samuel Lee: Go!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'd like to. Thank you.
Samuel Lee: You're forbidden to be here.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve] It's like New Jersey.
[Back to the homeless man]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Sleep it off, buddy, huh?

Chin Ho Kelly: [Yells from across the crime scene] Danny!
[Danny turns toward Chin's voice]
Chin Ho Kelly: Somebody threw a roçk through your window.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, I know. It happened the night of the murders, Chin. Keep up, babe.
Chin Ho Kelly: No, bruddah. The other one.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Cut to Danny looking at a huge rock in the backseat of his car, through the car's completely-smashed rear window] How does this even happen?
Chin Ho Kelly: Well, maybe it's a consequence of dismissing an entire culture's spiritual beliefs.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, right. A ghost! A ghost busted my windows. Is that really what you believe?


"Hawaii Five-0: Pilot (#1.1)" (2010)
Det. Danny Williams: Yeah, but you know what? It's guy that think they can do everything better and that *only* makes my job harder.
Det. Steve McGarrett: You got no choice detective. The governor gave me jurisdiction. I'm making you my partner. We're gonna get along great.

Det. Danny Williams: [as McGarret exits the car] Hey. Hey! HEY! This guy Doran's a shooter, all right? We shouldn't be doing this without back up.
Det. Steve McGarrett: You *are* the backup.
Det. Danny Williams: I'm the back up? I hate him. I hate him so much.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [McGarrett has Williams immobilized] Now, you don't have to like me. But right now, there's no one else to do this job.
Det. Danny Williams: Okay. Let me go.
[McGarret releases Williams]
Det. Steve McGarrett: All right, look, we have to find these human traffickers -
[Williams punches McGarrett]
Det. Danny Williams: You're right. I don't like you.

Det. Chin Ho Kelly: HPD accuesed me of taking payoffs. So I'm the last person the Department wants to see wearing a badge. I gotta go.
[Kelly starts to leave]
Det. Danny Williams: This is going really well.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Did you take the money?
Det. Chin Ho Kelly: Excuse me?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Did you... take the money?
Det. Chin Ho Kelly: No!
Det. Steve McGarrett: The come with us. And we don't need to talk about this again - ever. This is your ticket back into the game. Call it payback. Call it whatever you want. But I need you.
Det. Chin Ho Kelly: How do you know you can trust me?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Because my old man did.

Det. Danny Williams: [to McGarrett] Your uh, brain must be a - miserable place. I need a beer.

Det. Steve McGarrett: Hey, get the Coast Guard to find that body.
Det. Danny Williams: What do you want me to do with this one?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Book 'em, Danno.

[approaching a suspect's house]
Det. Danny Williams: I really don't think we should be doing this without backup.
Det. Steve McGarrett: You ARE the backup.

Steve McGarrett: I think I might know why your wife left you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Really?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah, you're very sensitive.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm sensitive, huh?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You think I'm sensitive?
Steve McGarrett: A little bit.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: When did you come to the conclusion that I was sensitive, huh? Was it when a bullet was tearing through my flesh? Is that when I seemed sensitive to you, huh? I am really happy you are not afraid of anything, okay? I'm glad you have that GI Joe thousand-yard stare from chasing shoe bombers around the world, okay? But in Civilized Society, we have rules, all right? It is the unspoken glue that separates us from jackals and hyenas, all right?
Steve McGarrett: "Jackals and hyenas?"
Danny 'Danno' Williams: "Animal Planet," whatever, okay? The point is, Rule #1: if you get somebody shot, you apologize!
Steve McGarrett: I'm sorry.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You don't wait for a special occasion, okay?
Steve McGarrett: I'm sorry.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Like birthdays, or friggin' President's Day!
Steve McGarrett: Hey, man, I'm sorry, okay? I said I'm sorry. I'm sincerely sorry. That what I was trying to tell you last year, when this conversation started.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Your, uh, apology is noted. Acceptance is pending.

Det. Steve McGarrett: I take it your marriage didn't end well.
Det. Danny Williams: No, it would have, had my ex not remarried and dragged my daughter to this pineapple-infested hellhole.
Det. Steve McGarrett: You don't like the beach?
Det. Danny Williams: No, I don't like the beach.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Who doesn't like the beach?
Det. Danny Williams: I like cities, you know, skyscrapers, no tsunamis, no jellyfish.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Tell me you can swim.
Det. Danny Williams: Can I swim?
Det. Steve McGarrett: You don't know how to swim.
Det. Danny Williams: I know... how... I swim... I swim for survival, not for fun.

Det. Danny Williams: [explaining what "Danno" means] Gracie was three. She tried to say my name, and all that she could say was "Danno". That's all that came out. Danno, okay?
Det. Steve McGarrett: That's it?
Det. Danny Williams: That's it. That's it.
Det. Steve McGarrett: [pause] It's cute.
Det. Danny Williams: Shut up!


"Hawaii Five-0: Po'ipu (#1.9)" (2010)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You can ride in the trunk if you don't like it. I'll get real Jersey up in this piece.

Nick Taylor: Well you know, my team and I have a job to do just like you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. No. Not just like me. You see, I'm a cop. I don't get to choose who I protect. You do. And you choose this animal. And I'm sure our pay grades and rates are a little different.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah well, I just want you to know something. When I took an oath to protect people, General Pak was not who I had in mind.
Steve McGarrett: Me neither.

Kono Kalakaua: It's a locked NFN file. National security. Even you don't have the clearance to view it.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh good. So the killer is C.I.A.
Steve McGarrett: *Ex*-C.I.A. is my bet.
Kono Kalakaua: So does anyone know someone who can open a locked C.I.A. file?
Steve McGarrett: I might.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Let me ask you a question, what kind of an animal brings his wife and kid to a place where he knows people are trying to kill him?
Chin Ho Kelly: The kind that loves a photo op.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He wants people to see him as a husband and father instead of a mass murderer.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [after Chin shoots an assailant in body armor] Definitely the fall that killed him.
Chin Ho Kelly: Yeah, definitely.

Steve McGarrett: Longboards on me?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Absolutely... Could I see your wallet, please? Last time you offered to buy me drinks, you convinently left your wallet. I got stuck with the - You don't have your wallet, do you?
Steve McGarrett: It's like I said, you have good instincts.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You have got to start doing a better job picking your friends.
Steve McGarrett: Tell me about it. I chose you, didn't I?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah.

Steve McGarrett: What is that?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That is a picture of Grace.
Steve McGarrett: Not that. THAT.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, that's a visual aid. A reminder of a better place.
Steve McGarrett: A visual aid? Danny, this is a postcard of New Jersey.


"Hawaii Five-0: Lapa'au (#2.8)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [chasing a murder suspect] What part of "don't move" did he not understand, huh?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Do me a favor, please, okay? This is obviously temporary until I find something different. More important that this place isn't haunted.
Steve McGarrett: Not haunted? You run a blue light over this place last thing you have to worry about is ghosts, my friend. You know what I'm saing?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I found signs of forced entry through the back window. Can you believe this?
[Danny shows them the dog's food dish]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Somebody -tried to drug the dog. And I'd like to kill him.

Steve McGarrett: [Danny's putting a leash on the dog] Hey, what are you doing?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What do you mean, what am I doing? CSU's on the way right now. This guy's contaminating the scene. We gotta take him with us.
Steve McGarrett: He's not riding in the car with us.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What do you want me to do? Tie him to the bumper?

Steve McGarrett: Can you explain to me again why I'm sitting in the back and the dog's riding shotgun?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, I already told you he needs the window open.
Steve McGarrett: Oh, yes. Right. How else is he going to enjoy his tour of Waikiki?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know, for your information, dogs get car sick.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I lost the dog in the divorce. Rachel got custody of *my* dog.
Steve McGarrett: What happened to it?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He was old. He died in the quarantine process. Which is another reason I hate this miserable island.
[the dog barks]
Steve McGarrett: Guess that's two of you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to the dog] Yeah, buddy. I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Jeff Campbell: By the way, if you were thinking of going into your offfice, I just, a little warning. It's not a small dog, and uh, I'd watch my step.
Steve McGarrett: He went in my office?
Jeff Campbell: Yeah. Landmines all over the office.
Steve McGarrett: Danny...
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm going to take him for a walk.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay, for the record, these people looked a lot scarier as heat signatures.

Jeff Campbell: [seeing McGarrett illegally enter a building] Did he just break in?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He did. He does it regularly.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ohana (#1.2)" (2010)
Det. Danny Williams: [to McGarrett] If you're going to be one of those "shoot first, ask questions later" types, I would like to be consulted, so I'll know when to duck.

Det. Steve McGarrett: Book him, Danno.
Det. Danny Williams: Oh, is this going to be like a "thing" now?
Det. Steve McGarrett: What, you don't like it?
Det. Danny Williams: No, I don't like it.
Det. Steve McGarrett: I think it's catchy.

Det. Steve McGarrett: Book 'em, Danno.
Det. Danny Williams: Really? Is that going to be a thing now?
Det. Steve McGarrett: You don't like it?
Det. Danny Williams: I don't like it.
Det. Steve McGarrett: I think it's catchy.

Steve McGarrett: You're never gonna fit in here looking like you're from the mainland.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Who says I want to fit in? I don't want to fit in. I want to look like I'm from the mainland. Okay? I got 87 homicide cases under my belt looking like this.
Steve McGarrett: Not in 110 degree weather you dont't. I'm just saying.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Where you going?
Steve McGarrett: *We* are going to Roland's house, okay? These guys are thieves. I want to know what they're after.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That way you're going?
Steve McGarrett: [McGarrett realizes he's going in the wrong direction and turns around. As he passes Danny] Shut up.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I think if we can get our eyes on our people, we go in hot. Is that what you would do?
Steve McGarrett: Yes. That is what I would do. See? This is - a partnership.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's like pulling teeth, you know that?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Giving Kona a medal] He's the Patron Saint...
Kono Kalakaua: Of Law Enforcement.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No.
Kono Kalakaua: I've see cops wear 'em.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Pretty sure with that roundhouse kick, you're never gonna need it. My Sergeant gave me one when I graduated from the academy. I've always kept it on me. It's always kept me safe - that is until I met him.
[Indicating McGarrett]

Adam 'Toast' Charles: Whoa. Kidnap dude's got a sweet set up.
Steve McGarrett: Yo! Take your time, Toast. I mean it's - it's just national security.
Adam 'Toast' Charles: I'll take my time and do it right... Can I smoke in here, guys?
Steve McGarrett, Danny 'Danno' Williams: No!

Det. Steve McGarrett: No one in Hawaii wears a tie.
Det. Danny Williams: Oh, I'm sorry. I like to look like a professional.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Professional what?
Det. Danny Williams: Okay, this is my favorite tie. Grace gave me this tie for Father's Day. Oh, and also, just so you know, back in Jersey and every normal city in this country, this is what a detective looks like.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Really?
Det. Danny Williams: Yeah, really.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah. Shirt, tie, doughnut crumbs. You missed a spot.
[Danny brushes crumbs off his shirt]
Det. Steve McGarrett: You're never gonna fit in here looking like you're from the mainland.
Det. Danny Williams: Who says I want to fit in? I don't wanna fit in. I wanna look like I'm from the mainland. Okay, I've got eighty-seven homicide cases under my belt looking like this.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Not in 110 degree weather, you don't. I'm just saying.
Det. Danny Williams: I'm not taking off the tie.


"Hawaii Five-0: Palekaiko (#1.11)" (2010)
Kurt Miller: I am not saying anything without my counsel here. So book me if you have to.
[McGarrett turns his head to Danny]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Do not say it!... Thank you.
Steve McGarrett: We book you, it's gonna be for murder one.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: My first week out of the academy, we get a call, drive-by shooting. And an 8-year-old kid gets shot in the crossfire. And it is my job to go tell this kid's mother that she has lost her son. I remember that moment. It was brutal. I remember sitting there thinking, "Things have got to get easier," you know?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah, but it doesn't... I was 16. My mom was late for dinner. Mom was never late. And, uh, the doorbell rang and from the minute I saw that cop's face, I knew right away.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: How'd it happen?
Steve McGarrett: It was a car accident, drunk driver. You know, my dad used to say he felt sorry for the cop who had to come and tell us. And I never understood what he meant by that, until the day came that I had to do it myself.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I guess the day you get used to it, is the day you hang it up, right?
[Steve and Danny both look pensive, draw deep breaths, sigh]
Steve McGarrett: Radio?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Newlywed killer. I mean, someone should just tell this guy that if people stay married long enough, they just kill each other.

Steve McGarrett: Take the tie off. No one on a cruise ship wears a tie.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh yes they do. They do it all the time. So they can hang themselves when they get bored.
Steve McGarrett: Okay, well, put it in your pocket and you can kill yourself later.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Wedding and engagement rings. Matinsky took him off his victims. These are trophies of his kills.
Steve McGarrett: This guy is beyond disturbed, okay? I bet he even eats from the buffet line.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [During a high speed chase] All right. May 18, 1996.
Steve McGarrett: What is that?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's the last time I puked. All right? Don't make me break my streak!
Steve McGarrett: You will not puke in this car. You will *not* puke in this car! If you're gonna be sick in here, crack that window. This is a loaner.

Kurt Miller: Look, I know how this must look - I'm a former cop myself. There's an abduction, there's one person missing, you find me here with some incriminating photos.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Some incriminating photos? Pay attention! Magnum, alright - you're like stalkerazzi. 200 photos of the same couple.
Kurt Miller: I'm not saying anything else without my council here. So book me if you have to!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Steve looks over to Danny]
[to Steve]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Do not say it!
[Steve remains silent]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Thank you.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Matinsky] I do! Alright. I know what it's like to have somebody you love walk away from you.
Steve McGarrett: What are you doing?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What?
Steve McGarrett: What are you doing? The guy is clearly a psychopath. You're trying to make friends with him. You're trying to *connect*?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He's standing right in front of us! He can hear you.
Steve McGarrett: I see he's standing right here, Danny. But you're a cop. You're not a therapist, you know?
[Steve lowers his gun and turns halfway to Danny]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hey hey hey! I've been trained for this kind of thing, okay?
Steve McGarrett: What - what to bore people into submission?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Matinsky] Don't listen to him, okay. His idea of communication is - is he drops a witty one-liner and then shoots you in the face. Don't worry about it!
Steve McGarrett: [to Danny while watching Matinsky from the corner of his eye] You know what - I might shoot this guy just so he doesn't have to listen to you talk.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Why don't you do your thing? I'll do mine, alright?
[Steve shoots Matinsky who had lowered the knife he was holding close to the woman's throat since he got confused by their talk]

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Dont listen to him, okay? His idea of communication is he drops a witty one-liner and then shoots you in the face. Don't worry about it.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ha'i'ole (#2.1)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Enter Five-O's office which has been sealed] Hey. You should have to arrest yourself for breaking that seal, Lieutenant.
Chin Ho Kelly: That's okay.
[Holds up tape]
Chin Ho Kelly: I brought a spare.

Lieutenant Commander Joe White: Do you guys have a dossier on this Wo Fat character?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Jenna Kaye does. She used to work for the CIA.
Lieutenant Commander Joe White: Well, I'll try not to hold that against her.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [about Joe White] He uh, he trained Steve.
Chin Ho Kelly: Ah. So he's to blame.

Kono Kalakaua: I can run his ID, trace his cell, run surveillance.
Chin Ho Kelly: How you gonna do that? You don't have access to HPD's database.
Kono Kalakaua: I'll use your password.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. That's not a good idea.
Chin Ho Kelly: You're not carrying a badge anymore, Kono. I can't guarantee HPD backup.
Kono Kalakaua: *You* guys are my backup.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny chuckles] Definitely been hanging out with McGarrett too long now.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Please, please listen to me. Is there *any* way I can talk you out of this?
Steve McGarrett: Has it ever worked before, Danny?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No.
Steve McGarrett: Okay, so - let's go.

Lt. Governor Sam Denning: Commander McGarrett, you have my sincerest apologies for everything you've been through.
Steve McGarrett: With all due respect, sir, I don't need your apologies. What I need you to do is re-instate my Five-O Task Force so we can go after this son-of-a-bitch right here.
Lt. Governor Sam Denning: ...Well no doubt, that Five-O had an impact on crime. So as Lt. Governor I'll grant your request.
Steve McGarrett: All right! Thank you, sir.
Lt. Governor Sam Denning: But there are conditioins.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What conditions?
Lt. Governor Sam Denning: Governor Jameson gave you full immunity to basically run roughshod over every single law on the State's books. That's not gonna happen on my watch. You cross the line you answer to me.
Steve McGarrett: Understood, sir. But just so your clear. Sometimes we get put in positions where lives are on the line, and we have to make split second decisions. The line you're talking about gets a little hard to see.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Coming into Max's house and looks at Steve] What the hell is the matter with you?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [after hearing a tip from Joe] Is there any way I can talk you out of this?
Steve McGarrett: When has it worked before Danny?


"Hawaii Five-0: Lekio (#2.18)" (2012)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Alright, listen to me, alright? Tell you something, I want you to pay attention. I told you before. You gotta be careful around boys. You understand?
Grace Williams: Danno...
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no, no, no. Listen. You can't trust all boys. You, you just can't. They, uh, have... They have, uh...
Grace Williams: What?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: They have motives. They got motives. Now, listen. I don't wanna- I don't wanna scare you and make you think that all boys are evil. Okay? But, this kid...
Grace Williams: He's just a friend.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He's evil. Alright? I said it. He's evil. Alright? You understand me? That boy's no good. Nod your head if you understand.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. First of all, please slow down.
[Steve is driving Danny's car at speed with Max in the back seat]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay? We don't even know which way they went.
Steve McGarrett: This road is the only way out of the marina.
[He swerves in and out of traffic]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Easy. Please. Easy, Speed Racer, huh?
Dr. Max Bergman: Actually, this vehicle was engineered to be driven in this manner.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Could you stop, Max? You're not helping!

Steve McGarrett: Why don't you tell me what happened at the Hilton today?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Nothing happened at the Hilton.
Steve McGarrett: Cuz you... seem upset... to me.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You became a shrink all of a sudden?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah. And you can take a seat in the back there, uh, if you, if you'd be more comfortable lying down. Or, you can stay where you're sitting and tell me what happened cuz either way I'm gonna keep asking you, so it's up to you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. Sigmund. You wanna know what's bothering me?
Steve McGarrett: [Dramatic pause while he slowly nods his head once] It's your hour.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. I'll tell you, by the pool, there was this very, very, creepy, *creepy* child.
Steve McGarrett: Okay.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I mean, a real, real malcontent. Okay?
Steve McGarrett: Mm-hmm.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: And you shoulda seen Grace. I mean, she was giggling like a school girl every time this kid opens his mouth.
Steve McGarrett: Uh. Grace *is* a school girl.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. And this guy's a stalker. Okay? A stalker. He fits the profile.
Steve McGarrett: Profile?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He called her five times in three days.
Steve McGarrett: How do you know that?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Because I dumped her phone.
Steve McGarrett: You dumped your kid's phone?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yes.
Steve McGarrett: And this stalker... Ten? Is he ten years old?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ted Bundy was ten once.
Steve McGarrett: [Gives Danny a look] Yes, he was, Danny. Yes, he was.

Tony Archer: Listen. Whoa. Just listen.
[He and McGarrett are in a stand off on Tony's boat]
Tony Archer: I see no reason for one of us to get shot. We don't have to do this. What we should do is maybe, uh, put our little pea shooters down at the same time.
Steve McGarrett: Oh yeah? How's that done, huh?
Tony Archer: Uh. We'll count. One, two, three.
Steve McGarrett: Count of three, put our guns down. Huh?
Tony Archer: You got it.
Steve McGarrett: You want me to start?
Tony Archer: That would be nice.
Steve McGarrett: Alright. One.
[pause]
Tony Archer: You're doin' good. Keep goin'.
Steve McGarrett: Two. Three.
[They lower their guns. Steve holsters his, but Tony points his at Steve]
Tony Archer: Learned a big lesson, didn't ya, pal?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Cocks his gun and puts it against Tony's neck from behind] Think you learned a big lesson too, ol' man. Huh?

Kono Kalakaua: [Tony has been looking under the computer platform while Kono updates the team] Something wrong?
Tony Archer: [disbelieving] This is a computer.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [sarcastic] Wow. That's pretty good, Detective.
Kono Kalakaua: I'm Kono, by the way.
Tony Archer: Anthony.
[They shake hands]
Kono Kalakaua: Pleasure to meet you.
Tony Archer: Pleasure.
[He gives her a charming smile]
Tony Archer: I hope to enhance that feeling as time goes on.

Tony Archer: Leland's a coward. When HPD rolled up, the protesters he was with, they all linked arms and sat down. But, not this guy. He just ran.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, he ran because he had something to hide. Makes sense.
Tony Archer: Well, you see a suspect.
[shrugs]
Tony Archer: I see a coward.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: This afternoon you couldn't see anything without your glasses.

Steve McGarrett: [Tony has just brought out pizza flown in from New York] That's a... that's a good piece of pizza right there.
Tony Archer: No, no, no, no. See, where we come from we don't say piece. It's a slice. We call it a slice.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [waving his hand] No, don't say that.
[pointing to Steve]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Not domesticated. He's an animal.
[Tony chuckles]
Steve McGarrett: What do you mean, animal?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You were born an animal.
Steve McGarrett: I'm eating pizza here. You're callin' me an animal.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You'll be an animal the rest of your life.
Tony Archer: Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it!
Steve McGarrett: Huh?
Tony Archer: Lemme ask ya something. Do you two hens peck at each other like this all the time? All the time.
Steve McGarrett: Nahh...
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. Absolutely.
Steve McGarrett: No. No. Well...

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Tony, do me a favour.
Tony Archer: Do you what favour?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: If you ever touch my hair again, I'm gonna shoot you, OK?
Tony Archer: Oh, did I touch it again?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You touched it a little bit.
Tony Archer: You have a funny thing with your hair, don't you?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Little bit.
Tony Archer: Well, I ain't got a lot of it.
[Points to his hair]
Tony Archer: You know what this is called? Ought to have been hair.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ought to have been on...
Tony Archer: Ought to have been on a donkey's ass.
[laughs]
Steve McGarrett: I didn't want to say anything but, you know.
Tony Archer: Well, I'm glad you didn't.
Steve McGarrett: [Points to his hair] What do you call this?
Tony Archer: I call that shit.
Steve McGarrett: We don't need to talk about it.


"Hawaii Five-O: For a Million... Why Not? (#4.8)" (1971)
Shaw: [to Dan after the attempted robbery] We're at an all time high on cash reserves... Six million dollars.
[Dan shrugs]
Shaw: Well, we've been thinking about splitting it up among our various branches.
Danny Williams: I think that would be a very good idea... As soon as possible.

Danny Williams: You'll be alright, Mr. Shaw... Just move that money as soon as possible.

Danny Williams: [to Steve] You gotta be crazy to pull a bank heist in Hawaii... No way to get that kind of loot off the island.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah, but they try... Alert every bank on Oahu.

Blumberg: [to Dan about Noonan] Can I give you some sage wisdom?... Do not judge thy comrade until thou has stood in his place.
Danny Williams: Thank you.

Chin Ho: [Dan has alerted all the banks] If that gang is thinking of trying something... They're in for a big surprise.
Danny Williams: Lets hope we're not.

Danny Williams: [after the type is deciphered] Blumberg and Noonan, they could be in this together.

Danny Williams: [to Mr. Hanley after discovering the fake invoice] That order was slightly overweight... By 20,000 pounds.

Det. Steve McGarrett: You did a good job on this one, Danno.
Danny Williams: Well... For $184.50 a week, take home... why not?
[Last lines]


"Hawaii Five-0: Alaheo Pau'ole (#2.12)" (2011)
Steve McGarrett: [Knocking on Danny's door] Come on. We're gonna be late for the tux fitting. Let's go. Chin's wedding this Saturday, remember?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. No. Hey, we're busy. Come back later. Please. Thanks.
Steve McGarrett: I'm sorry. You're busy? I can't come back later, Daniel. I'm the best man. I gotta make sure the groomsmen are in their monkeysuits. Let's go! Open the door. Come on.
Danny 'Danno' Williams, Lori Weston: [the door opens revealing Danny and Lori handcuffed together] Hey.

Steve McGarrett: And the uh... the handcuffs?
Lori Weston: Oh uh, Danny was showing me the uh... the uh, Jersey Slip.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Jersey slip.
Steve McGarrett: Jersey slip?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: The hood rat cuff slip. Yeah. All the kids are doing it back East. So thought I'd show her.
Lori Weston: Yeah, and um, we, ahem, lost the keys somewhere. I think in the couch.
Steve McGarrett: The couch?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, so maybe you wanna set up a search grid, call a K-9 unit.

Steve McGarrett: Now hold on. Hold on a second. Isn't this a beach wedding, Chin? What's wrong with boardies and - and slippers?
Chin Ho Kelly: Mn-hm. Yeah. What's wrong with them, is that they do not match the bridesmaid's dresses.
Steve McGarrett: Oh.
Chin Ho Kelly: And for the record, Danny: neither do handcuffs.
Kamekona: I was gonna ask about those.
Steve McGarrett: Show 'em the Jersey slip, Danno.
Lieutenant Commander Joe White: I offered to shoot them off.
Kamekona: No key? No problem, brah.
[He takes neck chain off his neck]
Kamekona: Bring, bring, bring.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny extends his cuffed wrist to Kamekona, who proceeds to release the lock with a key on his neck chain] Wow!
[Everyone smiles]
Kamekona: It's an old island trick.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Impressive. Yeah.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Dummy grenades for a - a friend. That's awful. Okay. I'll play along.
[Danny picks up a grenade. And puts it in Rafe's hands]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Grab a hold of that, would you? Hold on really tight.
[Danny pulls the pin]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Now, if this is a dummy grenade, you're gonna be fine. But if it's not, it's gonna explode right in your hands. So keep a hold tight. Okay? So you let me know, we'll be outside.
[to Chin, who looks scared]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Come on.
[Danny and Chin start to leave]
Rafe Tong: Whoa! OKAY! OKAY!
Chin Ho Kelly: [Chin grabs Danny at the door, shaking his finger at his chest] You've been hanging with McGarrett too long.

Capt. Vincent Fryer: [Captain Fryer and his team storm through the door of Dennis Archer's hotel and discover the Five-O team] McGarrett.
Steve McGarrett: Captain Fryer. What're you doing here?
Capt. Vincent Fryer: You tell me, man.
Steve McGarrett: We're working a case.
Capt. Vincent Fryer: We're working a case too.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You're working a case?
Capt. Vincent Fryer: Yeah.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You see, this whole time, I'd think that the promotion to chief of detectives is a desk-jockey job.
Capt. Vincent Fryer: No, the chief of D should be out catching cases. Okay? I'm old school like that.
Steve McGarrett: Okay, good. Well this is our catch, and it's our case. You got it?
Capt. Vincent Fryer: [Notices the photo in Steve's hand] This is our Jane Doe.
Steve McGarrett: What are you talking about? Huh?
Capt. Vincent Fryer: This is mine. I found her body in the trunk of a car rented by a guy named, uh, Dennis Archer. I traced the card he used to rent the car to this room.
Steve McGarrett: And here we are.
Capt. Vincent Fryer: Here you are, doing what exactly?
Kono Kalakaua: We're working the Dennis Archer case.
Capt. Vincent Fryer: The Dennis Archer case?
Steve McGarrett: Okay, we found his body. He was shot and left for dead in a bunker outside of Pearl City.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He's at the hospital in a coma right now.
Capt. Vincent Fryer: He's in a coma?
Steve McGarrett: Yes. Coma.
Capt. Vincent Fryer: He's in a coma. Huh. Last I checked, homicide takes precedence over attempted homicide.
Steve McGarrett: What are you talking about?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. Hold on. Alright. Look, you got a case. We got a case.
Capt. Vincent Fryer: He's right. Let's let bygones be bygones. Let's pool our resources and work this case together.

Capt. Vincent Fryer: Let's let bygones be bygones. Let's pool our resources and work this case together.
Steve McGarrett: Okay, fine.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: All right, good. All right, this is nice. Maybe you guys wanna hug it out a little bit, fist bump, something like that...
Capt. Vincent Fryer: Um. No. Let's just work the case, okay?

Steve McGarrett: What's the situation, Kono?
Kono Kalakaua: Couple of kids broke into one of the bunkers to explore a lava tube. And they found a body.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What happened to skateboarding and stickball?
Kono Kalakaua: [Kono gets pulled away by another officer]
[to the Five-0 team]
Kono Kalakaua: Go ahead. Max is inside.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [They enter the bunker] There's the hole.
Chin Ho Kelly: This whole valley has hundreds of these unexplored lava tubes.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm thinking there's a reason they're unexplored.
Dr. Max Bergman: [Max pops up wearing a headlamp] Actually...
[Startles Steve, who shines his handheld flashlight onto Max]
Dr. Max Bergman: This system has been explored, just not mapped by the Underground Paradise Spelunking Club, of which I am a founding member and treasurer.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh. Well, thank you, Captain Caveman.
Chin Ho Kelly: That looks deep.
Dr. Max Bergman: I estimate the floor to be at a depth of 30 meters.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Thirty meters. Well, this definitely looks like a job for a Navy SEAL.
[Danny shines the flashlight on Steve's face as Steve is unpacking his climbing gear that he brought in a duffel bag]
Dr. Max Bergman: Well, I took the liberty of anchoring our rappel line.
Steve McGarrett: You wanna come down there with me?
Dr. Max Bergman: Oh, absolutely. Let's spelunk.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. First thing we need to do is ID your Jane Doe, find out what her connection was to Dennis Archer.
Steve McGarrett: I know where to start. She worked at the Paradise Cove Luau.
Capt. Vincent Fryer: Really? How do you know that?
Steve McGarrett: How do I know? Chief of detectives, look at the photo of your Jane Doe.
[Steve takes photo out of Fryer's hand]
Steve McGarrett: She's wearing their uniform. You see? I know that cuz I went there a couple of weeks ago for umbrella drinks with Joe. He likes umbrella drinks.
[Danny and Kono smile at each other]
Capt. Vincent Fryer: Good times.
Steve McGarrett: Put your grass skirt on, *partner*. We got work to do.


"Hawaii Five-0: Loa Aloha (#1.18)" (2011)
Matt Williams: We can hang out for the day and meet you for dinner. What do you think, Grace?
Grace Williams: Mmm-hmmm.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Looking at Grace] All right. But listen, no funny stuff. No trouble, okay?
Grace Williams: I won't.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I know you won't. I'm talking to him.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [about Matt] Well, be warned. Mr. Wallstreet has quite a personality.
Steve McGarrett: Runs in family, huh?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Disorder. Personality disorder.

Matt Williams: You handcuffed me to the monkey cages.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hey. I - I was doing my job.
Matt Williams: You were nine! What are you talking about?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: They were plastic handcuffs.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Listen to me. Who do you think you're talking to, huh? Think you're talking to one of your dopey clients. I'm your brother! You don't lie to me!
Matt Williams: What do you want to hear? That I took the money? Fine! I took the money!

Matt Williams: You gonna shoot me, Danny?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I should shoot you. You stupid son-of-a-bitch! Laundering money for drug dealers? What the Hell's the matter with you?

Rachel Edwards: [Danny knocks on Rachel's door] Danny. What happened?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny exhales] He's gone... Matty's gone... I lost him.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hey.
Agent Edward Kipton: Gentlemen. Special Agent Edward Kipton. This is Special Agent Adam Markowitz.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: FBI, we know. What do you want with my brother?
Agent Edward Kipton: I'm sorry, it's an active investigation. You know how it is.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, okay. Um... listen, we have on this island what is called... what does the Governor call it?
Steve McGarrett: It's called "full immunity and means".
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Full immunity and means. So...
Steve McGarrett: I'll give her a call. It's all good.
[Steve dials his phone]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Just do yourself a favor. Okay? Just tell me why you're following my brother and we don't have to do all this.
Steve McGarrett: Governor Jameson, please.
Agent Adam Markowitz: Right, you have the governor on speed dial?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's exactly right.
Steve McGarrett: Hello, governor. Yes, ma'am. No, I'm standing with a couple of FBI agents here who are, uh, refusing to share information about a case.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Why are you smiling? He's not kidding. He did this to me.

[Danny learns that Matt is the target of an SEC investigation]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Let me tell you something about my brother, okay? When Rachel and I split up, all right, I took a room at a motel right down the block, because I wanted to be close to Grace, this two-star dump. My brother, every single night, he would come over with a six pack of beer and all the time in the world. Never once, not one time did I catch him looking at his watch. Okay? He just sat there and talked to me every single night. He'd fall asleep sitting up in a chair, wake up the next morning and go straight to work. Every day, okay? For six months, he did this. For six months, he talked me off the ledge. I'm telling you, I would not have gotten through that if it wasn't for him. Okay? He didn't do this.


"Hawaii Five-0: He Kane Hewa' Ole (#1.14)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You bought it online?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah. I bought - why?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What are you a schmuck? What's the matter with you? You don't order anything off the internet.
Steve McGarrett: Danny, it's the 21st century.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Says the guy with no master cylinder.
Steve McGarrett: All right, you got a point.

Steve McGarrett: Hey Danny, it's a TV cop fantasy. Why you gotta ruin it with statistics?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: All right, fine. It's a TV cop fantasy. In my TV cop fantasy, I'm Erik Estrada. You're the other guy.
Steve McGarrett: I don't think so, baby.

Steve McGarrett: Okay, what about our John Doe #2?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You mean Jack?
Steve McGarrett: You got an id?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No Ja - his head was in a box. Jack.
Chin Ho Kelly: That ain't right, bro.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Too soon?
Steve McGarrett: Little bit.

Robert Rovin: Do either of you have any children?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. I do have a daughter.
Robert Rovin: Then you'll understand the lengths you'll go through as a parent to protect your children.

Chin Ho Kelly: He's travelling with a female companion by the name of Erin Barret. But I can't find any information on her.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, you won't. It's an alias!
Steve McGarrett: How'd you get so smart?

Steve McGarrett: Hey Danny.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah?
Steve McGarrett: You need to get this woman away from me.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Chin ran a background on Robert Rovin, okay? And it turns out that he's related to our head in the box. He's Henry Duncan's father-in-law.
Steve McGarrett: Nicole's father?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. Since he never filed a missing persons report, that means one of two things. Either he knows what's going on, or we are on our way to make a death notification.

Steve McGarrett: What about Han Chi? Where does he fit into all of this?
Nicole Duncan: Who?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: "Who"? What are you, an owl? Han Chi, the guy you paid to bring the head of your ex-husband to your father.
Nicole Duncan: I don't know. Just some day laborer Spenser hired. He used to cut his lawn.
Steve McGarrett: You just figured you'd use him again.
Nicole Duncan: Spenser wanted somebody who didn't ask any questions. And this guy needed the work. Spenser rented him a car, plugged the address into the GPS. All he had to do was drop off the box.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Right. When he didn't, Spenser reported the car stolen. And then you figured that we'd think that Han was the killer.
Nicole Duncan: If that guy hadn't messed up, we'd be on our way to Paris right now. And he'd have some money in his pocket.
Steve McGarrett: He'd also be an accomplice to a murder. But Han Chi is dead now because of you. And you know what else? A little boy lost a father today because you wanted to take the easy way out. I really, really hope that you spend the rest of your life rotting in a jail cell thinking about that.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Ninety-Second War: Part I (#4.16)" (1972)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Steve is lying in an upside down car] Danno, is that you?... What happened?
Danny Williams: We don't know.

Chin Ho: [Chin arrives at the accident scene] How is he?
Danny Williams: He's alive, Chin.

Danny Williams: [Danny is anxious to find out if Steve's spinal injury is permanent] What do you think, Doc?
Doc Bergman: Keep the faith, Dan.

Danny Williams: Steve, they found your car parked and locked in Benny Jalor's driveway.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Oh, this is a too well-planned a frame for the car keys to be anyplace but in my own coat.
[Steve opens the closet and finds the keys in his coat pocket]

Danny Williams: Somebody spent an awful lot of time on this.
Kono: And money... Two million ain't a little bit.
Det. Steve McGarrett: How many people can you think of with that much money, that much time, first-rate counterfeiter, patience, access to the nerve gas they used on me, and the technical skill to rig and handle it... I can think of only one man...
[Cut to Wo Fat climbing out of a submarine]

Danny Williams: [Giving instructions to Chin] Close off the area... The Lab is here, Che is on his way.

Danny Williams: [Steve must undergo tests on his spine] What's next?
Dr. Shimel: X-rays, spinal tap, dye injection, myelogram... Then we'll know.
Danny Williams: How long will that take?
Dr. Shimel: About two hours.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [after Che confirms that the code book is in Steve's handwriting] Danno, you're an expert... What would you say about the matchup?
Danny Williams: In court, I'd have to say the entries were made by you.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ke Kinohi (#1.13)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: How many were there?
Steve McGarrett: Three.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Three, okay, good, cuz I was wondering how one little burglar comes in and takes advantage of a Navy SEAL.
Steve McGarrett: They weren't burglars. Okay? They were professionals. They were organized and precise.

Steve McGarrett: Something's wrong.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Do me a favor, please. Will you not go there, okay? You don't know anything. Maybe she went out last night. Maybe she got a little goofy. She's sleeping it off. Let me be a little honest about something. If first thing in the morning, I see your face pop up on my phone, I might not answer it either.
Steve McGarrett: They didn't break into the house, Danny. And the only other person who has a key is Mary.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [after Steve drives a motorcycle through the front door of a business and up a flight of stairs] I have number of a therapist I wanna give you, okay? Walk up steps like a human.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hiro's brother, Koji, was found dead an hour ago.
Steve McGarrett: How?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Car accident. Do you believe it?
Steve McGarrett: No.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [tracking Mary's cell phone] Chin, get a location?
Chin Ho Kelly: I couldn't get a lock. But the last signal that came from her cell phone bounced off a transponder near Punchbowl.
Steve McGarrett: All right, Chin, listen. It's coming from the trunk of a car, climbing upwards, all right?
Chin Ho Kelly: That's gotta be the Pali Highway. There are dirt roads that lead to the forest reserves right before Maunaili.
Steve McGarrett: Yeah.
[Steve turns on his siren and spins the car around]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pali Highway's that way.
Steve McGarrett: Yeah.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, what? Why are you going this way?
Steve McGarrett: 'Cause we can't get there fast enough by car.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [after seeing Governor Jameson storm into McGarrett's office] That, uh, looked like it went really well. Should I pack now for Jersey?
Steve McGarrett: Not getting off that easy. I wanna know everything there is to know about Hiro Noshimuri, okay? I wanna know every business he runs, who all his employees are. All his family members, every friend he has. I wanna know where he eats, I wanna know where he sleeps. I want it all, okay? We're gonna tear into this guy's life and we're gonna rip it all apart.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I have never liked you more than in this moment right now. It's beautiful.

Steve McGarrett: My dad was a total pack rat. Kept everything from his days as a cop. If he's got a copy of his district picture, it's gonna be here.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: They make every officer take one. I blinked during mine; I look like I'm sleeping. Grace thinks it's hysterical.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: So you know, I have an amazing, amazing amount of respect for your memory, all right? But without hard evidence - hello? - without hard evidence, we cannot - NOT - go after Hiro or his brother. And I am sure your father was in the same position eighteen years go.
Steve McGarrett: Listen to me. I am not my father, okay? I don't have a wife and kids to protect.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That doesn't give you license to go out and do something stupid!
Steve McGarrett: Like what, put bullets in Koji and Hiro's heads?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, that would qualify.


"Hawaii Five-0: Kuka'awale (#5.17)" (2015)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [In an apartment on a stakeout] It smells in here. It's like, uh, loneliness... and despair.
Steve McGarrett: It's moth balls.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Draws his gun as a cat runs by out of nowhere] Whoa!
Steve McGarrett: Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you- what is the matter with you?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What's the matter with me? The thing jumped out of nowhere. I got scared. What do you want?
Steve McGarrett: What do I want you to do? Maybe react like a grown man. How 'bout that? It's a cat.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. Lemme explain something to you that you do not know.
[Points at himself]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I don't like-
[Looks down, realizes he is pointing his own gun at his chest and holsters his weapon]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I don't like cats.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Walks to the window that has a view of their female suspect] We got a situation here.
Steve McGarrett: [Follows Danny] What do we got?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Their female suspect is stripping down to her underwear. They start talking over each other] I mean this...? What do we do? I mean, I don't- What's the protocol here? Do we watch? Do we not watch?
Steve McGarrett: [In a very reasonable tone] That's what we're here for. We gotta watch.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's our job as far as I'm concerned...
Steve McGarrett: I mean, I don't- It's not like...
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [She pulls the curtains closed and they suddenly stop talking, sighing in disappointment] Lost visual.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [He and Steve are shocked at first, then fascinated and can't look away as Emma Mills and Mia Price start making out] Looks like she's giving her more than just a piece of the action, huh?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I fell asleep. I miss anything?
[Steve leans over to their equipment and turns it up so they hear sounds of the two women making love]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Apparently not.
Steve McGarrett: They stopped for a water break about a half an hour ago.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's good. You gotta stay hydrated.
Steve McGarrett: Very important.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [They see the women's shadows through the curtains next door] See this... this is bad for us men in general. This is what gives us a bad name. Twenty, thirty minutes. That includes a drink. Takes us three hours.
Steve McGarrett: Impossible.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: They make us look terrible.
Steve McGarrett: It's impossible.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: We can't do this.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I have seen you personally put yourself in every conceivable life-threatening situation without batting an eye. Like it's nothing. But, when it comes to talking about your feelings, forget about it. You'd rather choose cyanide.
[Steve looks away]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Huh? Forget it. Wake me up if they stop, or do something interesting... open up that curtain.
Steve McGarrett: [after a long pause] You wanna know why I don't play guitar anymore?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yes. I would like to know why you don't play guitar anymore.
Steve McGarrett: [Another pause] Tenth grade talent show. I signed up to perform. I practiced this song every day for months and months, and the day finally came around. I was standing in the wings. My guitar was in tune. They called me my name. I walked out on stage... and turned around and looked at all those people... And I couldn't do it... I couldn't do it, so I walked off and I never played the guitar again.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's it?
Steve McGarrett: That's it.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Tenth grade. You had stage fright. So, you never played the guitar again?
Steve McGarrett: I didn't have stage fright. It was bigger than that. I'm tellin' you, man, it was a, uh... I don't know. I guess it was an existential crisis. I just, in that moment, I couldn't handle... the, the vulnerability that I was experiencing. I couldn't handle how *exposed*... I felt. I felt like I couldn't breathe, and I thought it was gonna kill me. Look, man. I was raised differently than you, okay? I wasn't raised in a house with a supportive family, encouraging me to share my feelings. And, in your case, every feeling. The McGarrett men are a different breed. They- To them, showing emotions is showing weakness. You know? I mean, it's stupid, but it's just the way it is.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I understand that. I just figured after everything we've been through... you know... your father, my brother. Everything. I figured maybe I was, you know... somebody that you could open up to, is all.
Steve McGarrett: I just did.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You called a drug dealer to find Mr. Pickles?
Steve McGarrett: And why did I have to do that, Danny?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no, no. Don't do this, okay? It's not my fault. It's your fault.
Steve McGarrett: How is this *my* fault, Mr. Pickles got out? You're the reason. You left the window open.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, I wouldn't have had to leave the window open if you hadn't decided it was a good idea to make a microwave omelet!
Steve McGarrett: You know what? This whole passive aggressive thing? I'm done. I'm tired. It's tiring.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Alright, let's do *aggressive* aggressive! You want that?

Steve McGarrett: [Danny just gave him a guitar] Hey, man, thank you.
[as Danny walks around his car to the passenger side]
Steve McGarrett: Oh, listen, by the way.
[Steve tosses the keys to Danny]
Steve McGarrett: Why don't you drive?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I drive. Wow. Definitely a break through, Steven.
Steve McGarrett: Don't get too excited, alright. I'm still controlling the radio.
[They get in, and Steve tunes the radio to classic rock. The Boys Are Back in Town starts playing as they drive away]


"Hawaii Five-O: Beautiful Screamer (#3.12)" (1970)
Danny: [to Steve] You got here in a hurry.

Jane Michaels: [about Linda] Dan, was she?...
Danny: No... She wasn't assaulted sexually.

Jane Michaels: [to Dan] How can you be so detached?
Danny: Look, I knew Linda, and I liked Linda... It's my job to find out who killed her.

Jane Michaels: [to Dan about Linda] There just wasn't any reason to kill her.
Danny: She's dead, she was murdered... Somebody had a reason.

Det. Steve McGarrett: I thought I told you to take it easy and stay at home?
Danny: And do what?... Stare at the wall?... Listen to the clock tick?... I gotta work on this case, or it's gonna work on me.

Kono: You okay, Danno?
Danny: Just tired.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [On radio to Dan] did you get Gregson?
Danny: Gregson's in custody... Sally's okay... Kids are fine
[Last lines]


"Hawaii Five-0: Ne Me'e Laua Na Paio (#1.19)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Steve chases a suspect on foot. Danny pulls alongside on a quadrunner] Need a lift?
[Steve continues to pursue]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Guess that's a no.

Kono Kalakaua: "You don't find Johnny. He finds you."
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You're gonna quote this schmuck now?
Kono Kalakaua: I can spoof Tiffany's cell and make it look like she's sending him a text.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Lure him here. I like it. But move over please. Because I'm gonna do this. Because it should be very filthy and you're a young lady.

Steve McGarrett: [holding a snow globe] Why would you steal this?
Johnny D.: I always wanted to go to Paris.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [in disbelief] You...?
Steve McGarrett: [laughs] You know what? It's a beautiful city. And if you ever make it, you should get yourself a snow globe, because this is Seattle.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's the Space Needle, not the Eiffel Tower, you schmuck.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: This is the CIA we are dealing with here. Okay, they wrote the book on advanced interrogation techniques which I am absolutely positive you have sitting on your bedside table right now. Okay? Just so you know, I understand. Okay, I would not mind a little one on one session with Jenna Kaye. The thought does stimulate my imagination, too.
Steve McGarrett: Legally the CIA can only interrogate foreign nationals.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [softly] Why do you do that? I had a little fantasy worked out. I mean, you're like a devourer of dreams. You know what I mean?
[He makes an eating motion with his hand while Steve sighs heavily]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Like, you eat them. You're like a little pacman in cargo pants.

Steve McGarrett: [At the scene of the victim dressed up as a super hero] Alright, let me guess. This guy thought he could fly.
Dr. Max Bergman: Ah. A common misconception. Although Captain Fallout dons a cape, he is not capable of actual flight. Merely super human leaping abilities.
Steve McGarrett: Max. Who's Captain Fallout?
Dr. Max Bergman: The fearless leader of the Wonder Seven.
[At Steve and Danny's blank looks, he explains]
Dr. Max Bergman: He acquired his powers when he was attacked by one of Hitler's radioactive German shepherds during the Battle of the Bulge.
[Steve and Danny still show no recognition]
Dr. Max Bergman: Huh? Wow. You guys need to brush up on your classics.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no, no. We don't need to brush up on anything. You need to bring us all back to reality, here on Earth, and answer the obvious question of why this took a dive wearing tights.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Looking at all of the stolen items in Johnny's garage] Wow. Why don't you make this easy on us, and direct us towards the stuff that is from your last boost?
Johnny D.: [shouts over his shoulder] Mavis? Can you bring me the reports from last week's robberies?
[Turns back to Danny]
Johnny D.: Sorry, my secretary must have stepped out.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to someone dressed as a dog in a vest at the comic book convention] What's up, dog?
[Smiling, he smacks Steve on the chest as Steve cracks a smile]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Funny, right?
Steve McGarrett: That is funny.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ho'apono (#1.7)" (2010)
Laura Hills: Now ususally SWAT would handle something like this, but the Governor seems to think with your background as a SEAL, you'd be better equiped to handle this situation.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Him? And me - I'm here for what? The entertainment or what?
Steve McGarrett: Well, you can tell SWAT to sit tight. I'm going in alone.

Kono Kalakaua: Okay, well, I'm going to go see the kid, see if she knows anything. Because you know, I'm the woman on the team, and you'd probably ask me to do it anyway.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no. I'ts not because you're a woman. It's because you're a rookie, which is *way* worse.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Speaking of a old case] Got my picture in the paper.
Chin Ho Kelly: Parent's must have been proud.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: They misspelled my name.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay, all right, listen. I know this guy is a SEAL, all right? Brothers-in-arms, the whole thing. I get that. But that does not mean he did not kill his wife.
Steve McGarrett: [McGarrett sighs] You're right. You're right but I promised him we would investigate this murder.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: *You* need to end this hostage situation, and whatever you do - please - under no circumstances tell this guy about his daughter.
Steve McGarrett: He should know.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no. He shouldn't know! He shouldn't know. Trust me, as a father, the last thing you want to hear about, is that something happened to your kid. And you add that to his irrational state of mind, things are only going to get worse.
Steve McGarrett: Copy that.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. Uh, let's say I am you and you are the bad guy here, okay? I would know that all the ways onto the ship are visible somehow. So how would you outsmart yourself and get yourself onto that ship without yourself seeing yourself?
Steve McGarrett: Okay, was that an actual attempt at a question or are you just kind of throwing words at each other and hoping they make sense?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: How are you gonna get on the ship without Graham seeing you? That's all.
Steve McGarrett: Graham's expecting a threat from land, not from the water. I'm just gonna go for a swim.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [laughing] You're gonna go for a swim?
[Steve pulls his shirt off]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You're serious? And now you're shirtless. That's great.
Steve McGarrett: Believe it or not, I've done this before.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You've done this before? You've snuck onto a floating museum to rescue a bunch of tourists who're being held captive by a man who is accused of killing his wife?
Steve McGarrett: Well, I didn't mean this literally, but... look, I can't see any other way of stopping this thing from escalating. We only have four hours.

Steve McGarrett: So, uh, we've got abductors. We've got a witness that puts another man in the house at the time of the murder. And we got somebody else's prints on the blade. You know what, Danny, this is really starting to look like
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [interrupting] Graham didn't do it. I know. But it's not over yet.
Steve McGarrett: We need to find a match on that print, Danny.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: *You* need to end this hostage situation. And-and whatever you do, please, under no circumstance tell this guy about his daughter.
Steve McGarrett: He should know.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no. He shouldn't know. He shouldn't know. Trust me, as a father, the last thing you wanna hear about is that something happened to your kid.


"Hawaii Five-0: Powa Maka Moana (#1.17)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny yelling at Steve after Steve uses a grenade to explode open a locked door inside Big Lono's pawn shop] Come on! What is the matter with you? You need help! I will pay for it!
[Steve stares at him silently before walking away and back to the shop door]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny looks up to sky] Why?
Steve McGarrett: [to Big Lono in shop after grenade exploded] Let me see your hands. What did I tell you? All right, you see how that worked?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny re-enters the shop in a cloud of explosive dust] This could have been avoided.

Steve McGarrett: Would you like to steer?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Huh?
Steve McGarrett: [Danny stops pushing] Whoa. Whoa.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Do I want to steer? No. I don't want to steer. I want to continue to push this 3 ton piece of metal up a hill in 95 degree weather. That's what I want to do. No, I don't want to steer. Yes, I want to steer. Thank you!... 9 miles
[Danny laughs]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: 9 miles. 9 miles. You've been working on your dad's old wreck for 6 months and you get 9 miles out of it. I'm very impressed.
Steve McGarrett: This is a classic car. And classic cars are tempermental, okay?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, I know. One person's classic is another person's scrap metal.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: So-so that means either Max is dead wrong or we are dealing with a Tongun zombie pirate.
Steve McGarrett: It's possible.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, it's not possible. I was kidding.
Steve McGarrett: No, listen, what I'm saying is if our Tongun pirate was killed a full day earlier, he could've been dumped on the boat.

Big Lono: [McGarrett's counting to 5 to the store owner] You can't come in here without a warrant!
Steve McGarrett: Five.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Time's up.
Steve McGarrett: You gonna open the door?
Big Lono: Not a chance?
Steve McGarrett: [to Danny] I'll be back.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve] "I'll be back?" - that...
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Big Lono] He's done a lot better, trust me.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve] That's all you can come up with is, "I'll be back? "
Steve McGarrett: I got somethin. I got somethin' good.
[Steve heads to the door]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve walking out the door] What are you gonna do? Drive the car through the, uh... Hey, I got the keys.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Big Lono] You see what you did? I don't know what he's gonna do, but if I were you, I'd run. Out the back, side, roof... Go!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Steve re-enters] A grenade.
[to Big Lono]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He has a grenade.
[to Steve]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Why do you have a grenade?
[to Big Lono]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: He's got a grenade. You see this? You see this? He's not bluffing. He will pull the pin and blow everybody up. Will you trust me? Please?

Big Lono: [Watches Steve prepare grenade for action] That thing's not even real.
Steve McGarrett: All right. Are you gonna open the door?
Big Lono: Not a chance.
Steve McGarrett: Okay.
[Steve unwraps the grenade]
Steve McGarrett: You sure?
[Big Lono just stares at him]
Steve McGarrett: Okay.
[Steve places the grenade on the door handle]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Steve indicates to Danno to run for cover] You're not blu- You're bluffing... You're not -
[Danno starts running out]
Steve McGarrett: Go! Go!
[Steve pulls the pin and runs out]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That is so sick!

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny is pushing Steve's dead car uphill while Steve is steering it] All right, right here.
Steve McGarrett: No, no, no. Shoulder's too thin. Another 20 feet and we're good.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Another 20 feet, I'm gonna be in traction.
Steve McGarrett: You wanna steer?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Huh?
[Danny stops pushing]
Steve McGarrett: [the car stàrts rolling backward] Whoa, whoa.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Do I wanna steer? No. I don't wanna steer. I wanna continue to push this 3-ton hunk of metal up a hill in 95 degree weather. That's what I want to do! No. I don't want to steer. Yes, I'll steer. Thank you.
[Danny walks to driver's door to steering wheel as Steve goes to back of car to push]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Nine miles. Ha, ha. Nine miles. Nine miles. You been working on your dad's old wreck for six months, and you get nine miles out of it. I'm very impressed.
Steve McGarrett: This is a classic car, and classic cars are temperamental, okay?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Temperamental?
Steve McGarrett: Just like you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no, no. That is an excuse. That is an excuse for poor automobile maintenance, my friend. Okay? This is a car. It is not temperamental. It is a product. When it stops working, you get another one! You understand?
Steve McGarrett: What happened to you, man? I mean, where's your sentimental side? There's nothing in there.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I don't have a sentimental side, okay? And if I did, it would be reserved for human beings, not dopey machines.
Steve McGarrett: Classic machines.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, I know. One person's classic is another person's scrap metal.
Steve McGarrett: Well, thank you very much, Socrates.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ki'ilua (#2.10)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to a suspect] Are you - I mean, how big of a moron are you, huh? A woman turns up dead after you make a series of death threats. Do you think that jury is just going to ignore that?

Steve McGarrett: Do I - is that concern I see?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, jerk. I'm concerned. Big deal.
Steve McGarrett: I'll be fine, all right? It's North Korea. What could happen?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I have no idea. But a woman was murdered over it. And someone we used to work with it might be involved now - Jenna Kaye.
Lieutenant Commander Joe White: Well, why don't you ask her about it?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, I would, but uh, I can't because she with Steve in North Korea.
Lieutenant Commander Joe White: WHAT?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I think he's in trouble, Joe.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, we can forget it. Because even if the Governor appealed to the State Department about launching a diplomatic mission, something like that could take weeks, even months to approve.
Lori Weston: Okay, we don't have that kind of time.
Chin Ho Kelly: Something needs to be done right now.
Lieutenant Commander Joe White: That's right.
Kono Kalakaua: So what do we do?
Lieutenant Commander Joe White: ...We're going to bring Steve home.

Frank Bama: [after meeting Danny] Pleasure. Drink?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, thank you. I'm uh, more of a margarita guy myself.
Frank Bama: Can't argue with you there.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [In the rescue chopper, Steve looks thankfully at Danny] No, don't. You can thank me when we get back to O'ahu.
Chin Ho Kelly: You can thank me by being the best man at my wedding.
[Steve gives him a surprised look and a smile]
Chin Ho Kelly: I'm getting married.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Evèryone is cheering except Danny] No, don't do it. It's a terrible idea.
Chin Ho Kelly: Thank you. I appreciate the support.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Seriously. Don't get married. Just find a woman you really hate
Seal Team Nine: And buy her a house!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's right.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [after the ambush. Danny has found Steve alive but weak in the back ofone of the trucks] Hey, it's Steve! I got Steve! He's alive!
Steve McGarrett: Danny. Where's So Fat?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Untying the rope binding Steve's hands] Just shut up, would ya?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Chin and Joe show up relieved] Come on. Let's go.
[Cut to Wo Fat escaping in the jungle stream]


"Hawaii Five-0: Ma Ke Kahakai (#1.20)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: With all due respect, what's wrong with an old fashioned baseball game, Steve? Huh?
Steve McGarrett: Never been to a professional baseball game.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That doesn't surprise me at all.

Steve McGarrett: Maybe someone's trying to lead me to Wo Fat.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Maybe Wo Fat's trying to lure you.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: So what'd you do? You talk it through over tea and scones?
[Chin Ho chuckles]
Serpent: I wen and met with him. And I might've brought a baseball bat. He might've fell on it a couple times but *that* is all you're going to put on me.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [They need to search some fish for evidence] Go ahead, babe. After you.
Steve McGarrett: It's all you, babe. I can't get my cast wet.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's low. That's really low.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: This is not a hike, Steven. Your dad used to bring you up here when you were a kid?
Steve McGarrett: Every year.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, well, that would explain a lot.
Steve McGarrett: You can bring Gracie up here when she gets a bit older.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Listen to me, Gracie wants to go get a manicure and a pedicure, okay? She's not interested in going to look at old graffiti on rocks, okay? This is basically child abuse.
Steve McGarrett: They're called petroglyphs, Danny. They're called petroglyphs.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That is a fancy name for graffiti etched in rocks, okay?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Sal Groves who was trying to evade questioning by piloting his boat away from the dock] Hands up, Ahab.

Steve McGarrett: [Showing Danny petroglyphs on the rocks during a hike] It's pretty cool, huh? Better than a Yankees game?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Deadly serious] It's not even close to as good as a Yankees game. But... it's nice.


"Hawaii Five-O: Cloth of Gold (#4.20)" (1972)
Danny Williams: [Akamai is going fishing] Hey Akamai... I can think of at least a dozen things I'd rather be doing than baby sit you.

Kono: [Kono is looking in the fish tank] Hey Danny, look at this... Dead fish, dead man, same house, same day... Interesting, huh?
Danny Williams: Okay, enough of the deep Hawaiian symbolism.

Danny Williams: [to Wallis] One of these days, you guys are gonna slip off of that legal tightrope you've been walking on... And when you do, we're gonna be there to catch you.

Danny Williams: [Wallis is scared] You scared?
Wallis: Yeah, every day... Unless it snows.
Danny Williams: We've got a nice cell downtown... Solid steel bars.
Wallis: No way!
Danny Williams: No other way.

Danny Williams: Where are your friends?
[Referring to the girls]
Wallis: I told them to cut out.
Danny Williams: Hope I didn't spoil your fun and games.

Doc Bergman: [Talking to Dan and Kono about Mingo's autopsy] You know, a pathologist waits for an interesting case, and this is a beut.
Danny Williams: Cause of death?
Doc Bergman: Unknown, so far... Mr. Mingo did not die of natural causes... He did not die of a disease of the nervous system, and he did not die of a cerebrovascular accident.
Danny Williams: He is dead?
Doc Bergman: Oh yes, quite... He suffocated.

Wallis: [Wallis is showing Dan the video system in Akamai''s room] Would you like to see something really beautiful
Danny Williams: Sure.
Wallis: [laughing] Oh, you shrewdie... You'd probably have me pinched for pornography.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ua Lawe Wale (#2.2)" (2011)
Chin Ho Kelly: [about Weston] What? Why wouldn't she last?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, Let's see what she looks like when she gets done with Sgt. Slaughter's Boot Camp.
Steve McGarrett: What's that supposed to mean?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Let's just try not to get the new girl blown up, kidnapped, or shot on her first day. That's all. Can we do that, Steven?
Steve McGarrett: I can't guarantee that.

Steve McGarrett: [During a stakeout with Lori] Hey, uh, any sign of Porter out there?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. How's the date going, buddy?
Steve McGarrett: Chin.
Chin Ho Kelly: You didn't answer Danny's question.
Steve McGarrett: I will take that as no sign of Porter.

Steve McGarrett: They wouldn't hear an ATV from a mile away, would they, Danny? But you know what? Your whining is probably louder than an ATV.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: My whining?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah. Your whining.
Officer Lori Weston: How long have you two been married?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [During a gun fight] Whoa. Whoa. Please can we... try... not... to kill everybody in the compound? One of these hippies might know where Jen is. All right?
Steve McGarrett: Fine.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Teasing Steve about the new girl and the so called date] How is your date Steven?
Steve McGarrett: [Ignoring the question] No sign of him yet. How about you Chin?
Chin Ho Kelly: [At his location, smirking] Hey you didn't answer Danny's question.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [At the compound and Steve is shooting things up] Hey, can you try not to kill everyone!
[Steve fires more shots]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hey what did I just say!


"Hawaii Five-0: Ku I Ka Pili Koko (#4.19)" (2014)
Danny Williams: How does this not end with both of us dying? You're gonna blow something up?
Steve McGarrett: Called a direction charge. Sends explosive energy in one direction. Anything that's behind it, theoretically, is reasonably safe.
Danny Williams: It's reasonably... nothing of what you just said sounds reasonable.

Danny Williams: [the team has just busted into a parking garage, guns drawn, only to find it empty] Maybe it's just me, but aren't there supposed to be guns... at a gun deal? Maybe a gun dealer? Something like that.

Danny Williams: Well, I don't know what the hell I was doing coming here getting relationship advice from you. What do you know?
Steve McGarrett: I know people.
Danny Williams: You know how to *kill* people. There's a big difference.

Danny Williams: [Steve is about to cause an explosion that he hopes will create an opening for them to escape through] Hold on. Before we do this, I just want you to know one thing.
Steve McGarrett: What?
Danny Williams: Whatever happens, I really, *really*... from the bottom of my heart... hate you so much.
[He laughs and Steve joins him]
Steve McGarrett: I love you, too, pal.

Danny Williams: [He and Steve have just been rescued from the collapsed building] Well, if this is the, uh... power of positive thinking, I like it. It's good.
Steve McGarrett: You know, that's the same as you, uh... you admitting that I was right. I don't wanna put words in your mouth or anything.

Danny Williams: When we were in there, you said, uh... you know, before you did the thing with the bomb, you said what you said. I want you to know I... I feel the same way.
Steve McGarrett: [Knowing full well what he is referring to] How is that exactly?
Danny Williams: You gonna make me say it?
[Steve just looks at him and waits]
Danny Williams: C'mere.
[They hug]
Danny Williams: I love ya.


"Hawaii Five-O: A Matter of Mutual Concern (#4.11)" (1971)
Danny Williams: [Looking at French McCoy's ID] Francis J. McCoy, Miami Beach, Florida... Francis J.?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah, French McCoy
Danny Williams: One of Big Uncles's men.

Danny Williams: [Looking at French McCoy's body] Too bad he can't tell us who knifed him.
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Noticing French McCoy's finger missing] Maybe he has.

Danny Williams: [Raiding Tasi's place] McGarrett wants to see you, Tasi... Frisk him, Chin.
Tasi: Uh uh...
[Pushing Chin away]
Tasi: I know my rights, and one of them is not to be felt by this fat handed Oriental.
Danny Williams: Tasi, haven't you heard?... All men are brothers.

Tasi: Oh... It's against the law to play pool, it it?
Danny Williams: No, only to stick knives in French McCoy... Let's go.

Danny Williams: [Looking at pool table] In case one of you hadn't noticed... One of you sank the cue ball.

Danny Williams: [after Tasi leaves] Everybody count your fillings.


"Hawaii Five-0: Hana 'a'a Makehewa (#1.12)" (2010)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Can I ask you a question? Why are you always driving my car?
Steve McGarrett: I like to drive.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, Rain Man liked to drive. You have control issues.

Chin Ho Kelly: [to Steve about some bullets] You put two of those in Hesse and didn't kill him?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Next time shoot him in the face.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You just need to sit tight, okay? We're going to get that thing off you. I promise.
Chin Ho Kelly: I don't have much choice, brah.

Chin Ho Kelly: They have $28,567,000 in cash to be exact. It's all from one big drug haul 8 years ago. When the investigation went cold, the money just sat there. Three years ago, $200,000 of it went missing. Everyone started looking at me.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Why? Why'd they look at you?
Chin Ho Kelly: Because it was my case. This is the one I couldn't drop.
Kono Kalakaua: Someone framed him to end the investigation. First they accused him of taking payoffs, then stealing from the locker.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Can I ask you a question: why are you always driving *my* car?
Steve McGarrett: ...I like to drive.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no, no. Rain Man likes to drive. You have control issues.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Whoa, whoa, whoa, alright? For me. I just wanna know. Are we really gonna go break into a police station and steal drug money?
Steve McGarrett: I know what you're gonna say. Alright? We're cops. We don't steal. There's gotta be another way to do this. There's not another way to do this, Danny. Look around! Okay? And, by the way, I'm not a cop. I'm a SEAL!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay. Would you relax? Don't get me wrong. Okay? Superman, bring it down. Just a notch. Alright? Our boy's in trouble. We do what we gotta do. I understand that. I'm just trying to measure the level of insanity we're dealing with.
Steve McGarrett: [Intensely] High. High. Very high.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Bomber and Mrs. Moroney (#3.22)" (1971)
Kono: [Stalling for time] Well, we bought an hour.
Danny Williams: We're gonna need it.

Kono: [to Dan] You're not thinking of going in there, are you?
Danny Williams: Maybe, if it's the only way.

Collins: [to Dan] You don't even know who I am, do you?
Danny Williams: No.
Collins: Well, I'm gonna give you a clue... Joey Collins... Do you remember him?

Danny Williams: Look, Collins... This is between you and me, right?... Now open that door and let them go!
Collins: Oh, it really bothers you that they're here, doesn't it?... Maybe it even hurts a little, huh?... Let me tell you something, that's why they're gonna stay, and you're gonna stay... And we're all gonna go up together!

Danny Williams: [Collins has taken Danny prisoner] Now, let them go, and we'll talk.
Collins: Yeah, I figured you'd so something like that... I also figured you'd be a real good talker.

Danny Williams: [Collins is dead, and the bomb has been defused] Steve, everything is over... it's alright.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well done, Danno, well done... I'll see you tomorrow, huh?


"Hawaii Five-0: Ho'opa'i (#1.21)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [about some surveillance cameras] Okay, how do you know about these?
Kono Kalakaua: Oh, when I was in High School, some friends and I got suspended being filmed up here. Allegedly drinking and night surfing - allegedly.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [as Kona retrieves a surveillance camera in a tree] That's destruction of Government property. That's - you've been hanging out with McGarrett too long.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Please don't do that.
Steve McGarrett: What?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Please don't put both hands on the wheel. Everytime you do that something terrible happens and I have to pray. Please.
Steve McGarrett: Just hang on to something.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Wait. Wait.
[Danny buckles his seat belt]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: So we need to call HPD. Radio silence on this case = right now!
Steve McGarrett: Hold up a sec. Wait a minute. We know he's listening in on the radio, right? Well, why go silent? Why not give him something to listen to?

Steve McGarrett: Well, if you decide to raise him out here, let me know. I could use a man with your skillset.
Chin Ho Kelly: I'm down with that.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, as long as you don't mind getting shot at, never getting to drive your own car.
Reggie Cole: Well, I'm going to bring Cannon down first. I may come back and take you up on your offer. Thank you - all of you.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Alright, listen. We know who Jimmy Cannon is. What we do not know is who Reggie Cole is going to be if he finds out who the leak is or if he tracks down one of the shooters.
Steve McGarrett: You were married. You have a daughter. What would you do?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, I- I would like to just kill everybody. But, I would never do that, okay, I would not risk going to prison. I could not do that to Grace. You. Forget it. I don't even wanna know what you would do.
Steve McGarrett: I would be by the book.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [In complete disbelief] The- the book?
Steve McGarrett: I would be by the book.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Which book would that be? I ask. Huh? The Patriot Act for Dummies? Hm? How to Nuke Your Enemies? War and Peace? Minus the peace part?


"Hawaii Five-0: Nalowale (#1.5)" (2010)
Steve McGarrett: You don't think I'm a happy person?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know - heh. You know I'm sure you have your moments. You know like when Guns and Ammo puts out their holiday gift guide, or a Rambo retrospective comes on TV. But when the Governor calls us down to the ME's on a *Saturday*, I ask you: what is it that you could be so happy about?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Observing a suspect in a bar] Let me tell what I would like to do. If that was my daughter. I would bust every single one of his fingers - one-at-a-time.
Danny 'Danno' Williams, Steve McGarrett: [They wath him put a pill in a woman's drink] OH!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: God. Thank you for the excuse.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know. It's amazing. Now she-she catches bad guys for you, and she... sleeps with you. Does she cook too?
Steve McGarrett: Yes, she does. Great cook.

Steve McGarrett: Zephyr Lounge. It's a nightclub. Just sent us a link to remotely access their closed-circuit feeds.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's really good. It's impressive. Did you learn that in SEAL school?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah, it's called using the internet. People have been doing it since the early 90s. You might have heard.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I wouldn't know. I was still playing Ms. Pac-Man.
Steve McGarrett: Oh, yeah?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah.
Steve McGarrett: Ever make it to double pretzel level?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Triple banana, bitch.
Steve McGarrett: You're a liar.

Steve McGarrett: Take a look at Casanova over there at 6:00.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's our boy. Let me tell you what I'd like to do. If that was my daughter, I would bust every single one of his fingers one at a time.
[Jordan drops a roofie pill into the girl's drink]
Steve McGarrett, Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: God, thank you for the excuse.

Russell Ellison: I'm man enough to know when I'm wrong. Thank you. You both have, uh, great instincts. And if you ever consider coming down to the private sector, you should give me a call. Men with your skill sets deserve to be compensated.
Steve McGarrett: Well, thank you very much. I totally agree.
[McGarrett starts cuffing Ellison]
Russell Ellison: Whoa. What are you doing?
Steve McGarrett: I'm getting compensation. You obstructed a criminal investigation. That is an arrestable offense.
Russell Ellison: But you and I both know the charges will never stick.
Steve McGarrett: Yeah, maybe not. But it's gonna take your firm at least twenty-four hours to get a lawyer here from Los Angeles. I'm gonna make sure that you spend that time in jail. Book him, Danno.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know, I got to be honest. Actually, I didn't mind that one.
Steve McGarrett: Really?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah.
[pushing Ellison forward with his cane]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Move.


"Hawaii Five-0: Kupale (#2.17)" (2012)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You killed my frittata.
Steve McGarrett: I put it out of its misery.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You have aneurysm face. Why?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: This guy better have some underwear under that loincloth.
Chin Ho Kelly: Hawaiians call it an amalo.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I call it an invitation to chafing.

Steve McGarrett: Don't you want Grace to know you're happy? You're her Daddy.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hey. I am happy.
Steve McGarrett: You're never happy.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm happy when I'm not around you.
Steve McGarrett: That's a lie, too. You love me.

Duke Lukela: [Referring to Steve] What's he doing?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Undoubtedly, something insane.


"Hawaii Five-0: A'ohe Kahi e Pe'e Ai (#5.1)" (2014)
Jerry Ortega: Oh good. I'm glad you're all here. I got some more intel on that drone you're looking for. But first, a disclaimer. Whatever I share with you today is in no way connected to me, my family or anyone I know. I am strictly here on a tour of the palace, nothing more. Any attempt to associate me with the information I am about to share will be vehemently denied by myself and the attorney I will retain. Are we understood?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Do we- do we- should we sign something? Everybody? Or, is get on with it- will that suffice? Jerry.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: This is so stupid. This is so stupid! Okay?
Steve McGarrett: What?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's stupid. What? What? I'm chum. Okay? My life has been reduced to a piece of chum. Thank you.

Steve McGarrett: [Danny and Steve in car being chased by drone] Lou, where are you?
Lou Grover: Right behind you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: All right, come on, Jerry. It's your turn.
Lou Grover: This thing is gonna work, isn't it.
Jerry Ortega: Theoretically.
[Operating remote control unit]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, no, no. Wrong answer, Jerry. Wrong answer.
Jerry Ortega: Okay, okay. It's gonna work.
[Whispers]
Jerry Ortega: I think.
Jerry Ortega: I got a lock on its signal. She's mine.
Lou Grover: You got it.
Jerry Ortega: All right! One nasty killing machine down for the count.
Chin Ho Kelly: [Voice from Five-0 headquarters via radio] Nice one.
Jerry Ortega: [Lou let's Jerry out to check on drone] Go, go. Stop that plane. I got this.
Chin Ho Kelly: Jerry, check the transmission log. It'll tell us where the pilot's operating from.
Jerry Ortega: Copy, copy.
Chin Ho Kelly: One will suffice.
Jerry Ortega: Copy.

Steve McGarrett: It's taking off.
[Referring to the plane with the bad guys in it trying to escape]
Lou Grover: No way we're gonna stop that now.
Jerry Ortega: [Drone flies over Lou's and Danny's cars in pursuit of plane] Relax, partners, I got this.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Jerry, what are you doing?
Jerry Ortega: Feeling the force. Just like Skywalker on the trench run. Hang on.
[the drone explodes at the plane, forcing it to crash to a stop]
Jerry Ortega: Yeah!
Steve McGarrett: Son of a bitch. He really did it.

Lou Grover: [the Five-O team is accompanying McGarrett as he sits in a wheel chair being pushed by Danny, leaving the hospital after being shot] You know, you oughta look into whether they got some kind of a loyalty program. Like they'll give you a card, then every fifth bullet extraction is free. Heh heh.
Dr. Max Bergman: Well, I'm certain that such a program doesn't exist, Captain.
Chin Ho Kelly: I believe he was joking, Max.
Dr. Max Bergman: Ah. I can see how that was an attempt at humor.
Lou Grover: Oh, keep it up, wise guy. You might see an attempt at murder.
Kono Kalakaua: Lou, he wasn't being rude. He's just Max. And you'll learn that.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know, that reminds me, Max. It's been killing me all day. What did you tell your new protégé about me?
Dr. Max Bergman: I beg your pardon?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You said you gave her a head's up. Head's up about what? What did you say?
Dr. Max Bergman: Ah, yes. I just explained to Dr. Shaw that Commander McGarrett is the leader of Five-O and that you're his deeply cynical, misanthropic, short-tempered partner.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What?
Lou Grover: You know, I think I see what you mean about him.
Dr. Max Bergman: Now, Dr. Shaw agreed with my assessment. However, she did think you were cute.
Steve McGarrett: Hey!
[Lifts his right fist for a bump with Danny]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Aha! Well, she's got a point, right? I can live with that.
Kamekona: [Kamekona and Flippa come around the corner to present Steve with a shrimp meal and Get Well balloons] What? Brother, I thought you were shot!
Steve McGarrett: I was. In my thigh.
Flippa: Your thigh. That don't count.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: For you? No, for you, it would not.
Kamekona: I though you was down for the count. I brought you some garlic shrimp and some balloons.
[Pan to silver balloon that says, Get Bettah, and a yellow one with Kamekona's face on it]
Steve McGarrett: Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Maybe next time, they can hit a vital organ.
[Steve grabs the bag of food and balloon ribbons in consternation]
Kamekona: We be back.
Jerry Ortega: [Jerry is standing at his bright green van, holding crutches for Steve] Your chariot awaits, brave warrior.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: All right.
Steve McGarrett: Thanks, Jerry.
[Steve grabs the crutches and Jerry holds the bag of food and balloons as Steve gets into the back seat]


"Hawaii Five-O: Force of Waves (#3.7)" (1970)
Danny: [Steve has been a boat explosion] Take it easy, Steve... You're gonna be alright.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Danno... Who pulled me out?
Danny: Cal.

Danny: [Danny is briefing Steve] Che Fong examined the wreckage... It was a directional bomb placed right under the helm.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Lucky I went forward to cast off on that bowline.

Danny: [to Grace about Clark Sloan] A lot of people thought he was ruthless when he divorced you.
Grace Sloan: They should have seen it from the inside.

Danny: [to Fairburne about Maria Sloan] Do you want me to book her as an accessory?
Richard Fairbirne: Well, it's up to you of course... But I suggest you review the laws of false arrest before you get carried away.

Danny: You're under arrest, Fairburne.
Richard Fairbirne: ...And you're out of your mind!... On what charge?
Danny: Conspiracy to defraud, accomplice to breaking and entering just for openers... Want to call a good lawyer?


"Hawaii Five-0: Kame'e (#2.3)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You came close once? Close is no good unless you're playing horseshoes or handgrendades. You were married or you were not married.
Officer Lori Weston: No, close. Like day before the wedding bought the dress - close.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh. Runaway Bride. What happened?
Officer Lori Weston: You first.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, it's very complicated.
Officer Lori Weston: Yeah?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Mm hmm.
Officer Lori Weston: Ditto.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve about Lori] Hey. Hey. Hey. She follows orders. She likes sports. I mean, if she was into blowing stuff up and romantic getaways at the DMZ, I'd say we are looking at a love connection.
Steve McGarrett: That's funny.
[Back on task without skipping a beat]
Steve McGarrett: Garcia's wife give you anything?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Looking at the contents of a folder] Operation Strawberry Field ring a bell?
Steve McGarrett: What'd you say?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Operation: Strawberry Field. It's got a picture of you here. Your name, photo of you.
[Steve grabs the folder]
Steve McGarrett: That's classified.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, I apologize.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: El Chameleon just unclassified it.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: So, what, you're not gonna tell me about Operation Strawberry Field?
Steve McGarrett: No.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No? No. Cause you'd have to kill me, if you told me.
Steve McGarrett: [Glances at Danny] Keep thàt up.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ahem. I'm just curious, though. Is there an Operation Abbey Road? Are you the Walrus?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Joe turns around and glares at Danny] Time to shut up?
Joe White: Roger that.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay.
Joe White: [Addresses everyone before entering Situation Room door] You ready for The Magical Mystery Tour?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Watching some SEALS in action] You did this stuff?
Steve McGarrett: I neither confirm nor deny.
Chin Ho Kelly: Glad you're on our team.
Officer Lori Weston: ...Me too.


"Hawaii Five-0: Lanakila (#1.4)" (2010)
Doctor Teddy Oh: I was thinking more about a physical injury.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. No. This - this guy is like a physical injury, Doc. Ten minutes after meeting him, I get shot and blasted through a window, okay? A few hours after that, he drives a car, I'm not joking, onto a deck of a Chinese Freight ship. And yes, I was in it. The car, not the ship.
Doctor Teddy Oh: He drove a car onto a boat?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. He's an animal. And I sort of get the feeling that he's just getting warmed up.
Doctor Teddy Oh: Ouch.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: So how do I fix it?
Doctor Teddy Oh: You get a new partner.

Mary Ann McGarrett: A tie? Seriously?
[Steve and Mary laugh]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. What is it with you people and ties?
Mary Ann McGarrett, Steve McGarrett: We're in Hawaii.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Wow. In stereo. That's great. Thanks.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh yeah play basketball, it's not like we have a killer to catch or anything.
Steve McGarrett: Clocks tickin' he's our best lead.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay, alright, time out, time out. You've never played basketball have you?
Steve McGarrett: I've played once or twice.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, yeah I'm mean I could see that, it looked like I was watching Lebron maybe he's just this much better.
Steve McGarrett: You know what football was my sport okay.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah now you tell me.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Can you just give me a second here? Can I have some space?
[to Steve]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Alright listen to me, you're not gonna out shoot him, so out 'D' him alright. Play it like it's football, put a body on him, steal the ball away from him, and put it in the hoop. What's he gonna do? Call a foul? We're in jail.


"Hawaii Five-0: Pu'olo (#2.14)" (2012)
Steve McGarrett: Yeah, but you know who hired you. Listen to me, you lead us to them, we work out what was in the package and maybe figure out who else would've wanted it. Get it?
Lee Dolan: Yeah, but there's one problem with that. I only dealt with one guy.
Steve McGarrett: Yeah? Who was the guy?
[Lee indicates the dead guy behind him]
Steve McGarrett: That's the guy?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That is a problem.
[Danny's phone rings]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: This day keeps getting better and better.
[Danny answers his phone]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hello Rachel.

Rachel Edwards: No. I didn't need drugs with Grace.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. I needed drugs because you squeezed my hand so hard you almost broke my pinkie finger.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I don't know. Waiting - waiting is the hardest part.
Steve McGarrett: You know something, I heard that labor pains are the worst part, Danny.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Please keep in mind, I'm helping my ex-wife deliver another man's baby. So cut me some slack, please. Thank you.
Steve McGarrett: Good point. I'm sorry.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve] Do not say he has my nose or I will punch yours!

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve] I'm taking a picture of Stan's baby and sending it to him.


"Hawaii Five-0: Oia'i'o (#1.24)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Entering Dale O'Reilly store] Well, hope you like it. This is what it's gonna look like when you die. This is your own Heaven. Want anything while we're here? New ammo belt? Night vision goggles? Ooo. Ooo. Powered eggs.
Steve McGarrett: Let me tell you something, I'll take powered eggs over your eggs any day.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: My eggs?... You love me eggs.
Steve McGarrett: Terrible, Danny.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Let me make a statement, okay? Out of the top ten dopiest suggestions you've ever had, this is number one with a bullet.
Chin Ho Kelly: What idea is that?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, I tell you, he, uh, he wants to break into the Governor's Mansion.
Kono Kalakaua: What?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: All those who think that's a certifiably demented idea raise your hand.
[Chin, Kono raise their hands. To Jenna]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Please raise your hand.
Jenna Kaye: I'm new. I didn't think I got a vote.
Steve McGarrett: You don't get a vote, okay? The rest of you are forgetting this isn't a democracy. It's a benevolent dictatorship.

Rachel Edwards: Danny, you can't leave. You have a life here.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I have - I have a life here, Rachel. You and Grace are my life. The only reason I came out here in the first place was for you guys. Wherever you are is where I want to be. That's where I'm gonna be, okay?
Rachel Edwards: What about your job?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Listen, we'll go. I'll get you settled in Jersey. And I'll come back here, I'll wrap up all my... cases, and that's it. It's gonna be the three of us again.
Rachel Edwards: *Four* of us.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: We didn't have a choice, okay? It was a ransom demand. If we didn't do it, they were gonna kill Chin. So McGarret and Kono used the sewer tunnel to break into the locker.
Jenna Kaye: That's crazy.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Welcome to my world.
Jenna Kaye: I like it!

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [as Chin is taking McGarret into custody] We have jurisdiction. We're Five-O. Get him out.
Chin Ho Kelly: You don't understand, Danny. There is no Five-O anymore.


"Hawaii Five-0: E Malama (#1.16)" (2011)
Chin Ho Kelly: Wasn't the mother of your child?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know what the greatest invetion of all time is?
Chin Ho Kelly: What?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: The Ignore button. You know, I have theory that whoever invented the modern cellular phone also had an ex-wife.

Steve McGarrett: I may not be able to see you, okay. But I can hear you. And you have a tone.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Tone? I don't have a tone. I don't have a tone.
Steve McGarrett: You say I have a face. You, my friend, you have a tone. You have a tone, okay? And it's a tone that says "I'm gonna hit somebody."

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm gonna ask you a question: what do you think would happen if those tapes got out, huh?
Bruce Hoffman: Look, look, I don't know anything about what you're talking about Detective -
[Danny grabs Hoffman and throws him against a rack. Then presses his badge on Hoffman's head]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Williams... Williams... You can get my badge number off your forehead. I have those tapes, and I will expose you. And if you ever *ever* put a gun in the same zip code as my daughter, I swear to God, I will kill you. You understand?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Grace and Rachel got carjacked.
Kono Kalakaua: Are they okay?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I don't know.
Steve McGarrett: Now, listen. You need anything, you call, all right? Anything.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I gotta go.
Steve McGarrett: Go, go, go.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know, Stan, when I had a daughter, I knew that there were certain things I was gonna have to deal with, all right? Texting, an obscene clothing budget. A stroke-inducing cell phone bill regardless of the plan that I chose. But I'll tell you, there is one thing that did not make the list, okay? Carjacking. Carjacking did not make the list of things that I thought I would encounter with my eight year old daughter.


"Hawaii Five-O: Blind Tiger (#2.15)" (1969)
Danny: [briefing Steve] We'll proceed as follows... Number one, search Five-O files for all people who might have a possible motive in wanting to kill you. Two... Check criminal records of hoods who have used explosives on jobs. Three... Setup a security system, the theory that whoever made the first hit may try again.

Danny: Two days out on parole, Jimmy... And I see you found your old friends.

Danny: [Jimmy the hood is on a winning streak playing poker] Maybe you better pray for a losing streak.

Danny: [McGarrett has apprehended Masterson] I think I gave you guys a bum steer... I said McGarrett needed help.

Danny: Nobody has a better reason for wanting to put a hit on McGarrett than you do.
Sam Lee: You must think I'm nuts... A real psycho, huh? I'm gonna put out a hit on McGarrett and pay by check?... I may as well send you a printed announcement!
Danny: You wouldn't be the first to make that mistake.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ua helele'i ka hoku (#5.21)" (2015)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Chin and Kono who have just joined him and Jerry - in full Elvis costume - at the convention] Hey. Welcome to the, uh... freak show. We've got 17 Elvises, all of them potential suspects or witnesses.
Jerry Ortega: [In all seriousness] Actually, the correct terminology is Elvi. But, you can also call them ETA's.
[At the looks he is getting]
Jerry Ortega: Elvis Tribute Artists.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's amazing. The amount of useless trivia that you've managed to obtain over the years just blows my mind.
Jerry Ortega: Hey, when it comes to the king, nothing's trivial.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Jerry] To have a conspiracy theory, you actually need a theory though.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [after the bad guy, dressed as Elvis, is wheeled away by the coroner's team] No one's gonna say it?
Jerry Ortega: Elvis has left the building.


"Hawaii Five-O: Bait Once, Bait Twice (#4.15)" (1972)
Danny Williams: Steve, do you realize the guy had a dead bead on you the whole time you were in that window?
Det. Steve McGarrett: [In deep thought] Yeah... But he wasn't looking for me.

Chin Ho: [after Bonamo is arrested] If they ever need a guy to play King Lear, they should hire Bonamo... Oh, what an actor.
[Chin chuckles]
Danny Williams: What if he's not acting?
Chin Ho: Oh come on, Danny... It's a lock.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Danny has a puzzled look on his face] What's bothering you?
Danny Williams: The evidence... It's almost too good... Mostly, if Bonomo wanted to hit the hit man, why would he plant $10,000 on him with his fingerprints all over it?

Det. Steve McGarrett: [McGarrett and Dan are going through the car where the hitman was found] Did you check this?
[He points to money]
Danny Williams: Yeah... Didn't count it, but there's thousands of dollars... Bonamo?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah, Bonamo!... I'm gonna peel his hide... Bring him in.


"Hawaii Five-O: Didn't We Meet at a Murder? (#4.22)" (1972)
Det. Steve McGarrett: Martin Mauritany, big syndicate man from Chicago... Track record in gambling, narcotics and extortion... Now headed for Honolulu.
Chin Ho: With bodyguards.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah, Why?... Why?
Danny Williams: Guy like Mauritany wings here with muscle... Gotta be bad news.
Chin Ho: For whom?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Kono, run down to Hotel and Maunakea Street... Put your ear to the coconut wireless and see if you can pick up any static... Chin, check the airlines, big hotels... See if anyone else in Mauritany's leage is headed in.
Chin Ho: You figure a syndicate meet?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Could be... He's due to arrive at 1:30... Danno, let's run out to the airport... The man comes to Hawaii, he should have a welcoming committee.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Clem and Frank have been brought in for questioning, and Steve must leave] Give them something to read.
Danny Williams: What?... The new pension plan?

Danny Williams: [Reading Charlie's file] "Charlie Saunders... Ex-warrant officer, military intelligence... Ex-private eye. Convicted two years ago of bribery and conspiracy to obstruct justice... Sentence: Three years, state pen... Released after 18 months on good behavior."

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Steve is briefing his men after Marty's murder] All three confirmed alibis... In other words, gentlemen, we're batting zero.
Danny Williams: Zero minus two... Mauritany's bodyguards were picked up last night at the Wiki Wiki Bar on Kulamanu Street... They were there from 4:30 to 8... Absolutely confirmed by dozen witnesses.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ho'ohuli Na'au (#1.22)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm going to talk to these models.
Steve McGarrett: Okay, well just stay with the questions that relate to the case.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What's that supposed to mean?
Steve McGarrett: That means I know you. Just stick to the case.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hey. Hey. They're just women.
Chin Ho Kelly: Who happen to be insanely hot and make millions of dollars.

Steve McGarrett: Okay, good. Let's go get one of Marcum's clients to give him up.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, I got the perfect guy. A real whale.
Steve McGarrett: Oh yeah? High stakes gambler?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, he's literally a whale.
[Cut to Kamekona]

Kamekona: [to the phone] This is Kame - oh yeah. Forgot. 3-2-4-4. Yeah.
[Danny hands him a note. Kamekona reads the note]
Kamekona: "If you want the money that I owe you. You're going to have to come down here and take it from me because I am not paying."
[Kamekona hangs up the phone]
Kamekona: That's it. Lesson learned. If I live through this, I'm *never* gambling again!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, right.
Kamekona: How much you like bet?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Mmm?
Kamekona: [Realizes what he just said] Oh.

Derek Marcum: Gentlemen, I take it you're part of Honolulu's Law Enforcement community.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What uh- what gave us away?
Derek Marcum: You're wearing a tie in Hawaii.


"Hawaii Five-O: Kiss the Queen Goodbye (#2.25)" (1970)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [about Detrich] I'm beginning to get worried, Danno... Why would he be making copies of the most valuable gemstone in the island?
Danny: Maybe he liked to practice.

Chin Ho: I just got a revised list from the Governors office... They've added 17 new names to the list.
Danny: Great!... Doesn't anybody plan to stay home tomorrow?

Danny: [to Chin on walkie talkie] Any problems?
Chin Ho: [Children are running around] No... unless you call kids a problem.

Danny: [Talking about the dead jewler] Looks like Detrich was long on talent and short on profit.


"Hawaii Five-O: A Thousand Pardons - You're Dead! (#2.1)" (1969)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [to Danny] Ever been to Betsy's?
Danny: No...
[McGarrett looks at Danny]
Danny: But I have a feeling You're gonna change all that.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Army, Navy, Marines... Take your pick.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Danny has a hangover] You know, you really didn't have to drink that booze, Danno.
Danny: What do you do with it?
Det. Steve McGarrett: You pour it into the plant.
Danny: Steve, do you really expect me to go around killing plants?
Det. Steve McGarrett: It's better than killing yourself.

Danny: [Chasing Yoko down the beach] Say It!
Yoko: Uncle!... Ho Chi Minh!

Kono: [Danny is no longer undercover] You go AWOL?
Danny: Discharged... Dishonorably.


"Hawaii Five-O: Follow the White Brick Road (#4.23)" (1972)
Danny Williams: Steve, ship's empty except for a token watch. What do we do?
Det. Steve McGarrett: What do we always do, Danno? We wait. We wait.

Arthur Salton: [to Dan] I was snorting a little in Nam... Lots of guys tried something just to stay normal.
Danny Williams: Normal?... You're strung out.

Arthur Salton: [Dan wants Saltan to go for exemption] You're asking a lot, Doc.
Danny Williams: The Navy's giving a lot.

Danny Williams: What's the word on Salton?
Claude Wells: He should have grabbed the exemption program when you offered it... He died this morning.
[Last lines]


"Hawaii Five-0: Ike Maka (#2.9)" (2011)
Officer Lori Weston, Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny and Steve notice Lori walking by looking like Sandy from Grease, and race after] Excuse me. Excuse me. Hey, hey! What the hell are you wearing? I wholeheartedly approve. I'm just curious.
Officer Lori Weston: It's theme movie night at Max's. We're all invited.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I wasn't invited.
Steve McGarrett: I wasn't invited either.
Officer Lori Weston: Oh, yes, you were. See?
[She pulls out her phone and shows Max's email invite]
Steve McGarrett, Danny 'Danno' Williams: Max is Doc@spacetrekkie?
Officer Lori Weston: Yeah. It's his personal email.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's a little too personal. I thought it was spam.
Steve McGarrett: Me too. I just - that's why...
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I knew this was your fault.
Steve McGarrett: What are you talking about? This is why he's been acting so crazy. Why's it my fault?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's your fault. Because I'm not good with the emails.
Steve McGarrett: [Max comes around the corner portraying Danny of Grease] Max, I'm sorry we didn't respond to your invitation.
Dr. Max Bergman: Lori.
[He holds his arm for her to take]
Officer Lori Weston: [Linking her arm with Max's] Ha-ha-ha. Tell me about it, Stud.
[They walk away arm in arm as Danny and Steve stare in disbelief]

Officer Lori Weston: Great. Thanks, Max.
Steve McGarrett: Thanks Max.
Dr. Max Bergman: [Ignoring Steve] You're welcome, Agent Weston. Anything to help a friend.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Max walks between Steve and Danny, ignoring them]
[Danny to Steve]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What did you do to him?
Steve McGarrett: I'm sorry. What did I - ? Why me?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, he's obviously upset about something.
Steve McGarrett: Evidently. You automatically assume it's me. That's ridiculous.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, I know it wasn't me.
Steve McGarrett: You offend more people than I offend.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I don't think that's true.
Officer Lori Weston: [Trying to interrupt them] Guys. I'm gonna have to give you a timeout. Let's get out of here. We got a murderer to catch. Come on.

Steve McGarrett: [On the phone to Max] Say Max, uh is it possible that you're upset with us, perhaps Danny, for some reason?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Did he just hang up on us?
Steve McGarrett: I think he did. Max? yeah.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Definitely something you did.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Danny is crashing at Steve's house, sleeping on the couch. Steve is kept awake by the TV left on downstairs. He goes down to see what's going on and turns the TV off]
[from under a blanket]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I was watching that.
Steve McGarrett: Through the blanket.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [pushes the blanket down] Oh well. I was listening anyway.
Steve McGarrett: Yeah, I mean, because there's nothing more soothing than the sound of someone trying to sell you gold coins. Right?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know, I needed something to block out the sound of the ocean because the waves keep crashing over and over and over again... Steven.
Steve McGarrett: [holding on to his patience] Some would say it's a relaxing sound, Danny.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. Some people would. And others like myself would say it's Hawaiian water torture. Okay. Two weeks now. I can't take it anymore.
Steve McGarrett: Okay. You know I don't mind you crashing with me until you find your own place. Right?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I appreciate that.
Steve McGarrett: Okay. But I can't sleep with the TV on.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I can't sleep with the TV off.
Steve McGarrett: We discussed that, uh, before you moved in.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, we did. I think I remember that it's, uh... McGarrett house rule number 32. No TV after midnight.
Steve McGarrett: I'm sorry the hotel didn't work out for you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa. The hotel didn't not work out. Okay? It became infested with black mold. There's a difference. That's a sign from God.
Steve McGarrett: But... I have become accustomed to doing things a certain way.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, I know. And your way, your way is completely insane. It's- it's nuts. Who can take a shower in under three minutes? Huh?
Steve McGarrett: [all patience gone] Did you ever hear of a navy shower, Danny?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No!
Steve McGarrett: A navy shower?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Where do you think I woulda heard of something like that? A navy shower!
Steve McGarrett: Three minutes is a luxury!
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm not in the navy!
Steve McGarrett: A navy shower! Danny!


"Hawaii Five-0: Ua Hiki Mai Kapalena Pau (#1.23)" (2011)
Steve McGarrett: How you feeling?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, I don't know. I feel like everything hurts. My head feels like it's gonna explode - like the worst hangover I ever had.
Grace Williams: What's a hangover?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's uh - you'll figure it out. You'll learn about it one day, when you're about 35?
Steve McGarrett: 35 - 30 - 60.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: 40 years olds.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [as Grace gets her cellphone] First boy that calls, I'm gonna whip that thing into the Pacific Ocean, okay?
Grace Williams: [Answering her phone] Hi mommy. Yeah, I'm with daddy.
[Danny tries to motion Grace not to say where he is]
Grace Williams: He's in the hospital. Mommy wants to talk with you.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hi Rachel.
[Danny clears his throat]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, I"m fine. Would you please stop. I said I'm fine. I like hospital food, you know that. I checked in for the weekend. I like it here. It's nice.

[last lines]
Sang Min: You don't understand. I'll plead to any charge. Take the maximum sentence. As long as you put me in protective custody.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh yeah? What happened?
Sang Min: Wo Fat. I tried to make things right with him.
Steve McGarrett: What did he say?
Sang Min: He told me he's not gonna rest until I'm dead. And then when I am, he's gonna come after you next.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know, we have become very close.
Steve McGarrett: Did you say gotten very close? We've gotten very close?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah.
Steve McGarrett: One near death experience and you go all warm and cuddly on me?


"Hawaii Five-O: Wednesday, Ladies Free (#4.3)" (1971)
Det. Steve McGarrett: I want every particle of dust, every piece of paper in her desk, contents of her pocketbook - everything! Then I want to know everything about the girl. Then get me the information on the other five and a couple gallons of coffee. Don't make any plans for tonight or tomorrow because we're not gonna leave the office until something breaks. Tell Chin and the others.
Danny Williams: I don't see Jerry around.
Det. Steve McGarrett: You better believe it!

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Arrives at crime scene] Another twist of the knife?... Who's number five?
Danny Williams: Angela Waring.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Talking to Dan at a car wash] All right, you're a killer in search of a victim, what do you do?
Danny Williams: [Pulls out a name tag] I've got a name, and I got an address.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah... And I've got a key.
[Presses key into clay, making a duplicate]

Danny Williams: Jerry, you got your car?... Need a lift?
Det. Steve McGarrett: No, Danno. No... We'll be giving Jerry a lift... Book him, Murder one.
[Last lines]


"Hawaii Five-0: Ka Ho' Oponopono (#2.13)" (2012)
Lori Weston: Well, if she's in love with the guy, she might be in denial.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, because he's such lovable guy.
Lori Weston: You obviously have never been a 17 year old girl.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Lori is getting something out of the trunk of Danny's car] What are you doing?
Lori Weston: Getting the Cell Interceptor. It'll pick up the number she's dialing.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Where did you get that thing?
Lori Weston: In the trunk.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: How did you know that thing was in there?
Lori Weston: How did you *not* know it was in there?

Rick Summers: I want a lawyer.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You... want a lawyer? I want to bounce your head off this cement wall. How about I get what I want, and and you don't? What do you think?

Rick Summers: I haven't done anything wrong.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay, this is where we disagree. I think sleeping with little girls is *definitely* wrong.
Rick Summers: [Summers scoffs] It's not what you think. Karen is 17 years old. The age of consent in Hawaii is 16. She's legal.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Steve] Let me hit him once, please?


"Hawaii Five-O: Pray Love Remember, Pray Love Remember (#1.12)" (1969)
Danny: You're always one step ahead.
Det. Steve McGarrett: That's why I've got the big office, Danno.
Danny: [Danno flashes McGarrett the peace sign] Peace and love, strong brother.
Det. Steve McGarrett: [McGarrett flashes him back] Peace.

Danny: Guess who's 6 feet 6, strong as a bull, and wears size 14 and a half EEE shoes?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Sir Lancelot, John Hayes... Who else?

Danny: [Steve has put an APB on 2 fish] Did I hear you right, Steve?... Are you putting me on?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Do I look like I'm making jokes?... I said I wanted to put out an all points for 2 fish, and that's what I meant... 2 fish.
Kono: What names do they go by, boss?


"Hawaii Five-0: I Ka Wa Mamua (#3.6)" (2012)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I don't hate dancing. I love dancing. I'm a dancing fool.

Steve McGarrett: Heard you went dress shopping.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's right.
Steve McGarrett: Is there something I should know?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, I like to wear dresses. What, you always go for the cheap shot?
Steve McGarrett: Well, subtlety doesn't work with you. A hammer is always best. I'm just hoping you got something with a nice plunging neckline so you can show off that Chewbacca chest.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Can I drive my car once? Huh? Is that so much to ask?


"Hawaii Five-0: Mea Makamae (#2.4)" (2011)
Danny 'Dan-o' Williams: It's amazing. I mean one day you're the King of the Ocean, right? Next thing you know you are hanging from the ceiling at a museum with little children looking at your private parts.
Steve McGarret: Yep. Kind of puts things in perspective.

Steve McGarret: Coffee is not a relationship. It's a beverage.
Danny 'Dan-o' Williams: That's not true. Every single relationship starts with a cup of coffee. Then it's dinner and a movie, okay? Next thing you know, you're divorced, you're moving to Hawaii so you can see your daughter every other weekend.
Steve McGarret: You need to talk to someone professionally.
Danny 'Dan-o' Williams: I do. You. And now the sessions over.

Danny 'Dan-o' Williams: Max, you need a hand?
Dr. Max Bergman: Thank you. But it is against protocol for anyone but the ME to handle the remains.
Danny 'Dan-o' Williams: NO, I don't want to help. There's actually a hand - right there
[Danny points to a hand to the side]
Danny 'Dan-o' Williams: If you want to - need a hand?
Dr. Max Bergman: Very humorous.


"Hawaii Five-0: Luapo'i (#5.24)" (2015)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [He's trying to convince Steve to take someone with him to Kono's wedding] Can Melissa's friend send a picture? That's all.
[Steve moves his hand forward and back beside his head as if making an invisible wall, and makes a whooshing sound]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What is, whoosh- what is that?
Steve McGarrett: That's a wall of silence. I just put up a wall of silence.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh. Is that what that is? Cuz that's gonna shut me up.
Steve McGarrett: It's gonna make you change the subject. Not gonna shut you up.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [pause] So, that's a no on the picture. Cuz sending a picture-
[Steve waves his hand and makes the whooshing sound again]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You've got the brain of a five year old, you know that?

Richie Malloy: Drop the hardware. And do it slow.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, you see, those two actions, they don't really go together.
Steve McGarrett: He's right. You can't- it's impossible to drop something slowly.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [to Charlie, Rachel's 3 year old son who he's just recently found out is also his] Hey, you know what? You like fire trucks. I like fire trucks. I think, I think that we are gonna be good friends.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Late John Louisiana (#3.9)" (1970)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Looking at Tigner's body] You know something Danno?... Harry Quon finally made a mistake.
Danny: We've been waiting a long time.

Danny: What do you think, Steve?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Somebody went to a lot of trouble to walk away.

Danny: [They have identified Julie's fingerprint] She was supposed to have died two years ago.
Det. Steve McGarrett: If that was Julie Grant's fingerprint... She was alive two days ago.


"Hawaii Five-O: Yesterday Died and Tomorrow Won't Be Born (#1.10)" (1968)
Danny: [Loading Steve in the ambulance] Doc, you didn't answer me... Will he make it?
Doctor Rothstein: Your guess is as good as mine.

Danny: It's a heavy load, Steve.
Det. Steve McGarrett: It gets heavy every day, but you gotta carry it for a while Danno.
Danny: Okay, but don't make it too long, huh?

Doctor Cohen: What did you learn?
Danny: Would two patients hit by heart attacks let you know where the third one would be?


"Hawaii Five-O: ...And I Want Some Candy and a Gun That Shoots (#4.6)" (1971)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Trying to get a rundown on the sniper] What do you know that I don't, Danno?
Danny Williams: I just talked to Chin... He searched Shiner's apartment. Found a collection of marksmanship trophies and a drawer full of loaded weapons.
Det. Steve McGarrett: That figures.

Danny Williams: [Dan misses the sniper, and is shot] Steve, I missed.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Hold on, Danno, hold on... We're coming up.
Danny Williams: He'll chop you up.

Danny Williams: [Dan has killed the sniper] I got him.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Danno!... Danno!, are you alright?
Danny Williams: I'll live.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah... Yeah, I think you will... Well done, Danno.
[Last lines]


"Hawaii Five-O: Odd Man In (#4.14)" (1971)
Danny Williams: [Filer has disappeared] No trace of him, Steve.
Det. Steve McGarrett: No... Of course not.

Danny Williams: [to Steve] Why would Filer impersonate Zeigler?... I mean, considering the risks... What's the point?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Maybe Shibata is in the market for a trouble shooter... Zeigler was the best.

Danny Williams: [to Steve] I wonder if Filer knows what he's getting into.
Det. Steve McGarrett: He better, Danno... Or he'll end up dead.


"Hawaii Five-O: Cry, Lie (#2.20)" (1970)
Danny: [Briefing Steve on Amuru] Claims he's gonna blow the whistle on us... All the way to court.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Let him... Ain't no big thing. we're clean.

Danny: [to Brohme] When the blood starts to flow, the man in the middle usually gets the worst of it... That's you.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Danny and Kono were shooting at Eddie] You aimed a little close... He was really shook.
Danny: No more than he deserved.


"Hawaii Five-O: While You're at It, Bring in the Moon (#4.19)" (1972)
Che Fong: [Che pulls a slug out of a statue] Forty-five looks like... With a left-hand twist.
Danny Williams: Left?... That makes it a Colt... If you wanna kill somebody, that's the way to do it.

Mims: The thrust of our case against Mr. Hilliard is... Well, his mental condition...
Danny Williams: What case?
Mims: We're taking him to court on the grounds of emotional instability.
Tabernash: Oh... Say it, will you?... Hilliard's out of his mind.

Danny Williams: [McGarrett is surveying the crime scene] We recovered six of the seven slugs, Steve.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Six slugs and only two spent shells... That's lousy arithmetic.


"Hawaii Five-O: Skinhead (#4.18)" (1972)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [McGarrett arrives at the hospital, and wants to know Nora's condition] Is she conscious?
Danny Williams: She is now.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [to Dan] Any decent description of the skinhead?
Danny Williams: Practically the same as hers... Big, strong, bald as an egg.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Steve is discussing Kenner's medical condition with his men] In August of 1969 in Rochester, New York, while thoroughly juiced, Kenner slammed his car into a thru-way overpass at about 90 miles per hour... He fractured his pelvis and he ruptured his posterior urethra. He spent three months in a Rochester hospital... Rochester Central... The pelvic fracture knitted properly, and the urethra was surgically repaired... But, in the accident, Mitch Kenner suffered irreparable perineal nerve damage, resulting in impotence... Doctor Camden-Smith of Toronto is an expert in the reversal of the condition and the restoration of potency... He's also expensive. Mitch Kenner has been paying for the four operations ever since.
Danny Williams: [Looking shocked] You mean he's still impotent?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Totally and permanently.


"Hawaii Five-0: Pa'ani (#3.17)" (2013)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You gonna fork up some cash or what?
Steve McGarrett: What? It was your idea to get the big sideline seats. Now you want me to pay for them?
Kamekona: Yeah, what gives? Why did you have to sit so close to the field?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: Let me get this straight. You're telling me people pay good money to get chased around and shot at with a pellet gun?

Steve McGarrett: You know what? We should come and do one of these tactical simulations sometime. It's fantastic for team building.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No. No. No. Listen, working with you is harrowing enough, okay? I do not need you hunting me for sport.
Steve McGarrett: You're right. It wouldn't be much of a challenge.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Big Kahuna (#1.23)" (1969)
Danny: [about Sam] You know something?... They'll have to kill that old man to get him out of there.
Det. Steve McGarrett: I think they tried.

Danny: [Sam is in the hospital] How's Kalekua?
Kono: How would you feel if someone out of a volcano wanted to lay it on you?

Alastair Kemp: [Danny has film with Eleanor on it] Hey, Barbarian!... There's prize winning film in there!
Danny: Don't worry, you're gonna get something for it... I promise!


"Hawaii Five-0: Kanalua (#3.2)" (2012)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm gonna need a vest. Vest, please.
Steve McGarrett: You don't know what my plan is.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That is true, but I know you. And I know that any plan you have is going to involve me in potential serious bodily harm.
Steve McGarrett: What are you talking about?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I'm talking about this. Let's just say that over the years, our marriage has become predictable.

Dr. Max Bergman: Gentlemen.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Peg Leg.
Dr. Max Bergman: A peg leg is a prosthesis often made of wood and portrayed in pirate movies. A cane, such as the one I'm using is a mobility aid. And ballistic trauma is not something to be making fun of, Detective Williams.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I knew I should have just said hello.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [about the charred cab driver's corpse] Maybe your boy Crispy here just picked up the wrong fare.


"NCIS: Los Angeles: Touch of Death (#3.21)" (2012)
Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: [greeting Danny and Chin Ho] You are the first outsiders to ever step foot into this operations center. It shows you the severity of the situation.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, I appreciate you not blindfolding us.

G. Callen: You've never jumped out of a plane?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, I've never jumped out of plane on purpose. Of course, I've never been involved in a blood feud, either. How does that happen, exactly?
G. Callen: It's a Romani thing.

Marty Deeks: [nervously awaiting an injection] How about a nasal spray?
Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: No.
Marty Deeks: I'm, er, not a huge fan of needles.
Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: Oh well.
Marty Deeks: [nervous] We should...
[to Danno]
Marty Deeks: you should go first. Guests first. You should go first.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, you go ahead, I gotta work on my sleeve here.
Sam Hanna: [grinning] Ten bucks says one of them goes down.
Chin Ho Kelly: Come on boys, man up.
Kensi Blye: Come on, Deeks: I'll buy you ice cream if you don't cry.
Marty Deeks: [clears throat] I don't want any ice cream.
[Hetty beckons]
Marty Deeks: Really?
Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: [swabbing Deeks' arm] That's it. So, you might feel a tiny little prick.
Marty Deeks: [confused] Huh, sorry, wait. I may feel a little what?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [grinning] It's probably not his first time.
[Hetty sticks the syringe in, Deeks screams and collapses]
Sam Hanna: Man down.


"Hawaii Five-O: Is This Any Way to Run a Paradise? (#4.13)" (1971)
Chin Ho: [Chin is talking to Dan on the radio] What's this Kaili trying to prove?
Danny Williams: I think he's trying to lay a message on the governor... If they don't stop dumping 55 million gallons of raw sewerage off Sand Island each day, we're all gonna need typhoid shots to go swimming.

Hippy Visitor: [a hippie is claiming to be Kaili, and wants to have a press conference] Will they have television cameras?
Danny Williams: Are you kidding?... In every room... In color.

Danny Williams: [after the crop duster pilot is shot down] First he shoots the pilot down, then risks his life to pull him out of a burning plane.
Crop duster pilot: First I'll thank him, then I'll shoot him.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ka Hakaka Maika'i (#2.6)" (2011)
Danny: Kid made the lacrosse team today. Can't wait to come home and tell his pop.
Chin Ho: Danny, we're going to find the people that did this.

Kono: Oh, one more thing, word to the wise - Borier's trained. I would not engage him in hand-to-hand.
Danny: That's not going to happen. I like my gun.

Kono: Boss, when you got back up and you went after that guy, it was pure...
Chin Ho: Pure Imue, bro!
Danny: Pure stupidity. We're all in agreement.


"Hawaii Five-O: Just Lucky, I Guess (#2.4)" (1969)
Danny: [Briefing Steve on Angela's autopsy] The autopsy shows multiple needle marks
Det. Steve McGarrett: Oh... so now we get down to the nitty gritty, huh

Kono: What is it?
Danny: And to think I stopped believing in him.
Kono: Who?
Danny: Santa Claus
Kono: What is it?
Danny: H... Heroine!


"Hawaii Five-0: Mai ho'oni i ka wai lana mâlie (#6.1)" (2015)
Jerry Ortega: Your stolen painting is a treasure map. I'm almost sure of it. Check this out. Here's the painting as it looked when it hung in the palace shortly before it disappeared. And here is how it looked when it was recovered forty years ago. Note the tear in the canvas. Now, if you believe the pirate raid actually happened, and I think we're all on board with that now, then this damage occurred while the painting was in the hands of the crew. Obviously, it could have been an accident. But, there is also another possibility. The pirates did this on purpose. See, I'm thinking after they pillaged Oahu, something happened which forced them to hide the treasure here on the island. Maybe Harmon was after them; who knows? I think they stashed the treasure with the intention of coming back for it later. Except they didn't have time to draw a treasure map. So instead, they made this painting the map. All they had to do was pick a spot on the painting, bury the treasure there, and then mark the canvas. Pretty nifty, right? Total pirate move.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: This is like waiting in line for a Star Wars movie for you, huh?
Jerry Ortega: Yeah. Kinda.

Lou Grover: You do realize that this theory of yours is completely...
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Ridiculous.
Lou Grover: Damn right. Jerry, if the painting is the map, why not just go to the museum, pull out your phone, take a picture of the damn painting?
Steve McGarrett: He's got a point, Jerry.
Jerry Ortega: Your ignorance is adorable.


"Hawaii Five-O: Time and Memories (#3.4)" (1970)
Det. Steve McGarrett: Frank Wallis brings a lot of new industry to Hawaii... He's a very important man.
Danny: ...Was.

Danny: Look, Steve... this is no ordinary case, not for you. Why don't you let us handle it... Kono, Chin and me?... It's for your own good.


"Hawaii Five-0: Pahele (#2.11)" (2011)
Steve McGarrett: Book 'em, Danno.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You gonna start that again?

Lori Weston: Ken Nakoa. We just put him away for carjacking.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Nice to see that our justice system is following through
Chin Ho Kelly: Yeah, he's out on bail. But he's wearing a court ordered ankle monitor.


"Hawaii Five-0: La O Na Makuahine (#3.1)" (2012)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: On the phone you said you were bringing Shelburne back.
Steve McGarrett: Yeah, this is Shelburne.
Doris McGarrett: You can call me "Mom". At least someone should.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Mom? Whose mom?
Steve McGarrett: That would be mine.
Doris McGarrett: [Introducing herself to Danny] Doris McGarrett.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Danny Williams. You know, for a woman who died in a car bomb 20 years ago, you are remarkably well put together.

Steve McGarrett: Son of a bitch. He wants a full inquiry into the Delano release.
Doris McGarrett: Stephen.
Steve McGarrett: I'm sorry
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, yeah, watch your mouth, Stephen.
Doris McGarrett: That goes for you, too, smart-ass.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Burning Ice (#4.9)" (1971)
Charlie Ling: [Looking at photographs of the stolen jewelry] Is this stuff hot?
Danny Williams: So hot they could raise blisters.

Danny Williams: [Dan is at the hospital, researching information on Dr. Southmore] A couple of months ago, Southmore went through the files looking for male patients with terminal illnesses.
Det. Steve McGarrett: That's good enough, Danno... Come on in.


"Hawaii Five-O: Samurai (#1.4)" (1968)
Danny: [to Steve] Remind me never to bet against you.

Danny: [Mc Ggarrett is blaming him for Mary Travers death] You want me to say I blew it?... Okay, I blew it!... I BLEW IT!


"Hawaii Five-O: By the Numbers (#1.9)" (1968)
Danny: [Reporting on gangster George Barker] Barker's quite an enterprising young man. He's a real success story, his rise from a two-bit torpedo to number two man in one of the biggest gambling establishments in the Islands.
Det. Steve McGarrett: And when you're number two you try a little harder.

Irene Park: [Danny is questioning Irene] You know... With this line of yours, you could really make me dislike you.
Danny: Wait a few hours... Then you can really hate me.


"Hawaii Five-O: 3,000 Crooked Miles to Honolulu (#4.4)" (1971)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Dan has information on the teacher that was murdered] Checks in Philly?
Danny Williams: Yeah... That and a rundown on the murder victim from the California State Police.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Let's have it.
Danny Williams: Whitney Davis, age 40, unmarried, economics instructor, Pacific Western College... Now away on a summer vacation. It all checks out, except for one thing.
Det. Steve McGarrett: What's that?
Danny Williams: The real Whitney Davis just sent his brother a postcard from Paris.

Danny Williams: [to Steve] The report just came in on the dead man's fingerprints... Guess who just became a school teacher?
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Reading from file] Real name, Floyd F.X. O'Neal... Alias Foxy O'Neal, alias Francis Rogers, alias Harpy Wilton... Hometown Chicago, five arrests, three convictions... Embezzlement, bunco, and fraud.


"Hawaii Five-O: Most Likely to Murder (#2.21)" (1970)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Steve wants to know how Lou is] How is he?
Danny: Bad.

Danny: [Danny is offering Lou a drink] Let's see... I've got some old something or other here...
Lew Morgan: Something or other will do.


"Hawaii Five-O: No Bottles... No Cans... No People (#4.2)" (1971)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Arriving at crime scene] Another one?
Danny Williams: Looks like... That'll make five.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Who is it this time?
Danny Williams: Phil Hurley... Small time pimp and all-around good fellow.

Danny Williams: [Danny has found a lot of money in Furtado's car] Steve, you know that old car of Furtado's?... It turns out it's valuable, worth $27,500 in small bills.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well done, Danno... Well done.


"Hawaii Five-O: Trouble in Mind (#3.2)" (1970)
Danny: [Mike was caught buying heroin from a kid] Gotta hand it to you... We thought we dried up the rock, but you really turned them out.
Mike Martin: Well, it takes one to find one.

Danny: [Kono was hit in the head] How's your head?
Kono: Lousy


"Hawaii Five-O: Leopard on the Rock (#2.11)" (1969)
Det. Steve McGarrett: Danno, get out to the airport, check normal security... Find out how many additional men we'll need to cover every entrance... I'll join you at the field as soon as I'm done.
Danny: Doing what?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Trying to keep one match away from the fuse.

Kono: [Kono is riding in Jhakal's limousine] Hey, I could get used to this kind of life.
Danny: Don't get too comfortable, Bruddah!


"Hawaii Five-0: Hau'oli La Ho'omoaika'i (#4.9)" (2013)
Steve McGarrett: What's the matter with you? You alright?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Why wouldn't I be alright?
Lou Grover: Well, you do seem a little nervous.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Nervous? No, I'm not. We're about to meet the President. Why are you so zen? That's a better question. All of you.
Lou Grover: I'm just cool like that.

Steve McGarrett: [about meeting the President] I was nervous, too, the first time.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: The first time? When'd you meet the President?
Steve McGarrett: I can't tell you that. It's classified.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, it's classified, huh? Ah. Was it during, uh... Operation Strawberry Fields?
Steve McGarrett: [Straight faced, enjoying himself] I've already said too much.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ka 'alapahi nui (#6.5)" (2015)
Steve McGarrett: [Kamekona asked them to wear his advertising T-shirts during the Tough Mudder] I can't. It absorbs water, slows me down.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, I... I would. I just don't want to.

Lou Grover: Alright, 5-0, huddle up. We only got about 5 more minutes.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You'll probably talk for 4 of 'em, won't you?


"Hawaii Five-O: Rest in Peace, Somebody (#4.10)" (1971)
Danny Williams: [Talking about the phone call Steve received] Steve, you don't think this could be a crank call, do you?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Oh, how many cranks could walk in here and plant that book in my desk?... No, Danno, no... This is no crank.

Danny Williams: [Dan, Chin and Kono are discussing "Mona's" motives] What would you do if you put yourself in somebody's place who wanted to hurt you?... I mean really put you through torture? What would you do?... In their place, I wouldn't kill you... It's too easy, too fast. But what happens to you if I kill the governor?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah... Yeah, a lot of things go down the drain... Five-O's reputation, mine.
Danny Williams: Because you were personally responsible for the governor's safety.


"Hawaii Five-O: One for the Money (#1.17)" (1969)
Danny: [Steve has received a cryptic note] It's probably a crackpot, Steve.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Unfortunately, crackpots kill Danno.

Lt. Pelak: [Surveying murder scene] Ambitious.
Danny: No more than Jack the Ripper... He had 18 or 20 before he stopped.


"Hawaii Five-0: A Make Kaua (#5.25)" (2015)
Catherine Rollins: [Catherine walks up, dressed for the wedding] Hey.
Steve McGarrett: [Can't take his eyes off her] Wow.
Catherine Rollins: So, you approve.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, no, I think, I think what, uh... my ape like friend meant to say is that you look fantastic.
[to Steve]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Right?
Steve McGarrett: [Smiling] Wow.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [They've located the nuclear bomb] Okay. Alright. How do we stop it? Can we stop it?
Steve McGarrett: I don't know. Just... hold on for a second.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: The wire. If you just cut a wire...
Steve McGarrett: There's no wires, Danny.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: There's always a wire.
Steve McGarrett: Just hang on a sec.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: There's always a wire. You just cut the wire.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ho'i Hou (#4.18)" (2014)
Chin Ho Kelly: [Holding up an ace of spades card] How do you explain this?
Tony Gibson: Seriously? Yeah. I planted those on a bunch of people. Laura included. It's my trademark.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What do you mean? Your trademark?
Tony Gibson: I was gonna do the spectator's pocket trick before the night was over. Cuz the chicks dig it.
[Nodding to McGarrett]
Tony Gibson: This guy knows what I'm talking about, right?
Steve McGarrett: [shakes his head in distaste] Don't do that.

Steve McGarrett: [Max has just phoned him with news that the hair sample he wanted tested for DNA is missing] You know what, Max? Don't even worry about it. Okay? I mean, it's not your fault. Alright? Thank you for the call. I appreciate it.
[Disconnects the call and starts to walk away]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, stop. Why are you not upset by this news?
Steve McGarrett: I would be upset if I gave Max the whole sample.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Oh, you stuffed a little on the side like, uh, for a rainy day or something.
Steve McGarrett: Well, you wanna beat these guys, you gotta play by their rules.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I like it. I like it. This is the guy I know and love.
Steve McGarrett: You like that?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, it's good.


"Hawaii Five-0: Mohai (#3.5)" (2012)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: She ditched me.
Steve McGarrett: Please come in.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: My own daughter ditched me.
Steve McGarrett: Huh?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: It's Halloween, we're supposed to go trick or treating. She says "Dad, is it okay if I go with my friends instead." What am I supposed to do, huh? What am I supposed to do? Say "No, I command you to spend Halloween with your father?" It doesn't sound so bad, I should have said it.
Steve McGarrett: [Trying to get rid of Danny] Hey, want some candy?

Danny 'Danno' Williams: I think it's pretty obvious what happened here. A goat did it. Case closed. We're good.


"Hawaii Five-O: Highest Castle, Deepest Grave (#4.1)" (1971)
Danny Williams: What have you got, Steve?
Det. Steve McGarrett: One woman too many, Danno.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [Danny walks in] It's quarter to five in the morning, Danno.
Danny Williams: I know.
Det. Steve McGarrett: I just got back from the big island... What's your excuse?


"Hawaii Five-O: Full Fathom Five (#1.1)" (1968)
Danny: [Steve is dressed in a bright aloha shirt] Man, that shirt is blinding me!
Det. Steve McGarrett: So was the price!

Det. Steve McGarrett: Make up a complete cover history with documents to prove it. Can you have it by noon tomorrow?
Danny: Sure, forgery was my best subject.


"Hawaii Five-0: Lana I Ka Moana (#3.3)" (2012)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Your mother is a spy, and a woman. She will know.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: We're in a boat, a leaky boat. Sounds like sinking to me, Steve.
Steve McGarrett: Technically, it's a dinghy, but we're not sinking. Okay?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: I stand corrected. We are stranded in a slowly leaking dinghy.
Steve McGarrett: We're not stranded.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Hey, Steve, I don't know if you've noticed but we're in the middle of the ocean. How... How is that not stranded?
Steve McGarrett: Are you done?


"Hawaii Five-0: Ka 'oia'i'o ma loko (#4.3)" (2013)
Foley: [as Danny is securing Foley to a chair] Wh-? I'm bleeding.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. I can see that. Watch my shoe.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: You don't wanna talk.
Foley: You're smarter than you look, mate.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Okay.
[Danny chuckles]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Here's the thing. You like orphaning little kids. I like shooting bad guys.
[Danny pulls out his weapon]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Everybody goes home happy, right?
[to Steve]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You okay with this?
Steve McGarrett: 100%.


"Hawaii Five-O: All the King's Horses (#2.10)" (1969)
Danny: [McGarrett has just thrown Fletcher out of his office] I got a feeling he won't be back.

Danny: [after Finney dies] He never got a second chance.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well, not in this world anyway.


"Hawaii Five-0: Na Pilikua Nui (#6.6)" (2015)
Steve McGarrett: Kono. The call said we got body parts.
Kono Kalakaua: Yeah, a lot of them. Found by a couple kids in a horror campout.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: A what?
Kono Kalakaua: It's an interactive adventure. People pay good money to spend the night outdoors while a bunch of actors in masks scare the hell out of them and chase them around.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know, a couple streets in Camden, you get the same experience free of charge.

Dr. Max Bergman: [after giving Steve and Danny a rundown on the victims while in full costume] I am just perplexed at your apparent lack of curiosity regarding my costume.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You're wearing a costume?
Dr. Max Bergman: Ah! There it is. A pithy retort laced with just a hint of condescension. Order is restored.


"Hawaii Five-0: Pa Make Loa (#2.21)" (2012)
Danny Williams: [driving, with Sam as his passenger] What is it with Navy SEALs and backseat driving?

Sam Hanna: Why do you dress like that? You're in Hawaii.
Danny Williams: It's my... style.
Sam Hanna: It's not style, it's a bad habit.


"Hawaii Five-O: Killer Bee (#2.18)" (1970)
Danny: [Dan hands Steve a pillow from Davy's bed] Steve... take a smell of this.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Chloroform.

Det. Steve McGarrett: [No one shows up to get the ranson] I have a feeling we've been had, Danno.
Danny: Yeah, but by what, and by whom?... Or is it who?


"Hawaii Five-O: A Bullet for McGarrett (#2.6)" (1969)
Danny: Typical American girl... She falls in love with a brilliant young Chinese Maoist radical that's involved in a commie spy ring... then she shoots him out of unrequitted love... That's reaching pretty far.
Det. Steve McGarrett: I agree... You gotta give me something better.

Danny: [about Han] Did he date much?
Dr. Paul Farrar: How would I know about that?... I teach psychology, not sex education.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Last Eden (#3.10)" (1970)
Det. Steve McGarrett: How does it look out there, Danno?
Danny: Not much left of that sewage disposal plant.

Danny: [about Jimmy] Book him?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Do you think we have a choice?


"Hawaii Five-O: Paniolo (#3.15)" (1970)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Dan is waiting for Cronin at the airport] What do you got, Danno.
Danny: Not Lester Cronin.

Danny: [Danny is searching for Frank in the helicopter, and radios Steve] I spotted Frank Kuakua , but by the time we got down, I lost him in Kemo Gorge.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well, you pinpointed the area... Thanks, Danno.


"Hawaii Five-0: Popilikia (#3.4)" (2012)
[Steve tackles a suspect, taking him over a bridge and landing in the canal]
Steve McGarrett: Hey. Give me a hand here?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Not one of mine, you can't. Hey. And he's riding back in your car, okay? And you know that water's polluted, right?

Kono Kalakaua: Hey, there's something you should know before you...
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Steve uncovers the headless corpse] Ayyy...
[grimaces and looks away]
Kono Kalakaua: That's the 'something'.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Seriously, I mean, a headless horseman? Come on!


"Hawaii Five-0: Ka No'eau (#5.4)" (2014)
Steve McGarrett: You know what, partner? We can get on a plane right now and settle this.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: See, that is why I love you, buddy. You're always willing to risk both of our lives. At any given moment.
Steve McGarrett: Listen, man, I'll go through that door first, if it makes you feel better.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [quietly] I know you would.

Danny 'Danno' Williams: [Returning downstairs after killing Reyes' guards and steadily advancing on Reyes] What'd I just tell you, huh? What'd I say? Huh? What'd I tell you? Huh? Huh?
[Grabs Reyes' shirt front and shoves him against the table, pointing his gun at him. Steve has returned and is now behind Danny, backing him up]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What'd I say?
[Danny's gun is now in Reyes' face and Reyes turns away]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Look at me. Look at me.
[pause, then quietly]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
[Reyes finally looks at Danny]
Danny 'Danno' Williams: That's it.
[Danny pulls the trigger]


"Hawaii Five-O: ...And They Painted Daisies on His Coffin (#1.5)" (1968)
Danny: It's a stinking job.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Who said it was anything else?

Danny: He was just a boy, Steve!... A boy!... He probably never even had to shave!
Det. Steve McGarrett: You think it's easier to kill a grown man? You think the next one will be easier than this one? God help you if you do!... It better hurt every time!... It better tear your guts out every time you pull that gun, whether you use it or not!... You learn to live with it, but don't get used to it!


"Hawaii Five-0: Ua Nalohia (#4.7)" (2013)
Chin Ho Kelly: to Steve "Why is there a baby attached to your chest?"
Danny Williams: "Uh, Mary."
Chin Ho Kelly: "Ah. Say no more. Mazel Tov."

Steve McGarrett: [Steve walks into the HQ with Mary's baby attached to his chest]
Danny Williams: [laughs hysterically]
Steve McGarrett: [smiling] Is this funny to you?
Danny Williams: [laughing] Yeah!
Steve McGarrett: So when you're through amusing yourself, I need you to wipe down her changing pad please.
Danny Williams: No, no, no, I'm retired, you see. And it's going to be way too entertaining to see Uncle Steve on diaper duty so go ahead.


"Hawaii Five-O: To Hell with Babe Ruth (#2.2)" (1969)
Danny: [Surveying crime scene] What do you think we got... Some kind of kook?
Det. Steve McGarrett: We got something bruddah... We got something.

Danny: [Looking at the weapon Nagata used] Looks like something off the top of a Christmas tree... Tis the season to be jolly.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah... Peace on earth, good will to men.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Guarnerius Caper (#3.5)" (1970)
Det. Steve McGarrett: Danno, get your coat.
Danny: Where to?
Det. Steve McGarrett: According to the governor... To head off World War III.

Danny: Associated Press is on the phone... There's been a leak. News story out of Washington quoting an anonymous Soviet Embassy source... Says the violin was stolen by American facists as an act of political vengeance against the Soviet Union.
Det. Steve McGarrett: They never change their tune, do they?


"Hawaii Five-O: The Reunion (#3.8)" (1970)
Danny: [Briefing Steve] Hatsuo Shigato... Japanese ancestry, Filipino citizen, millionaire... Governor wants us to handle it, Steve... VIP treatment.

Danny: [Someone has put a bomb in Shigato's car] Think it's a joker, Steve?
Det. Steve McGarrett: If it isn't... Somebody just served Shigato a death warrant.


"Hawaii Five-0: Hoa Pili (#3.19)" (2013)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: You know what I don't understand: why would a tourist want to be put into a cage and then dumped into shark infested waters? It makes no sense.
Steve McGarrett: They're on vacation. You know, they want some excitement, some adventure.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What they need is some therapy.


"Hawaii Five-O: Which Way Did They Go? (#2.14)" (1969)
Danny: [Steve is convinced that Connors is tied to the robbery] What's it gonna be, Steve... Hard evidence or gut instinct?


"Hawaii Five-O: Not That Much Different (#1.21)" (1969)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [about Lannie] She didn't kill Julian.
Danny: How can you be so sure?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Cop instinct.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Double Wall (#3.14)" (1970)
Danny: Where are you going, Steve?
Det. Steve McGarrett: To see a lawyer.


"Hawaii Five-0: Waiwai (#6.17)" (2016)
Steve McGarrett: I, uh, need a minute with Oleg.
Danny Williams: That's fine with me.
[Steve enters Oleg's room. Danny to the security detail]
Danny Williams: How's everybody doing?... Good.
[Gunshot is heard coming from Oleg's room. The security guards start to move towards the room]
Danny Williams: Hey, everything's fine. At ease. He's got it under control. I'm pretty sure.
[Guards lower their weapons and stop advancing to the room]
Danny Williams: Great. Thanks.
[Steve emerges from the room]
Danny Williams: See? You get it?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah.
[to a guard]
Steve McGarrett: Hey, he uh, needs a doctor in there, please.


"Hawaii Five-O: 'V' for Vashon: The Son (#5.9)" (1972)
Lo Wu Sing: Perhaps, while you are here, I might intrest you in some suitings?
Dan Williams: You got any idea what a cop makes?
Lo Wu Sing: Oh. I'm sorry.
Dan Williams: Me too.


"Hawaii Five-O: Run, Johnny, Run (#2.17)" (1970)
Danny: [Steve comes into his office all dirty] Steve, what happened to you?
Det. Steve McGarrett: I ran into a rhino.


"Hawaii Five-O: Face of the Dragon (#1.15)" (1969)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [McGarrett is surprised by how easily they managed to find the missing top secret military equipment] I don't believe it.
Danny: I may not believe in Santa Claus but I never send back any Christmas presents.


"Hawaii Five-O: Sweet Terror (#2.7)" (1969)
Det. Steve McGarrett: How come someone from Five-o missed a pretty girl?
Danny: I guess I was thinking of the beast.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well... As of now, we think of beauty and the beast, huh?


"Hawaii Five-O: The One with the Gun (#2.19)" (1970)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [McGarrett is looking at a chart of the poker game] Who could be Mr. D?
Danny: Why are you so interested in D?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Because he's the one who killed Peter... It wasn't Enright.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Ninety-Second War: Part II (#4.17)" (1972)
Danny Williams: [the crisis is over, and Danny and Steve are having a cup of coffee] What about Dr. Vogler?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well, he got his daughter back, and he'll be transferred in a couple of months to an unclassified assignment... And he'll probably get a medal.
Danny Williams: What about clearing you, Steve?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Tomorrow, the governor's supposed to have a press conference and give the details of the frame-up... Then I'll be back... I guess as if nothing happened.
Danny Williams: That leaves the $64 dollar question: What happens to the two million?
Det. Steve McGarrett: I'm gonna keep it.
[They both laugh]
Det. Steve McGarrett: Why shouldn't I be the richest cop in the world?
Danny Williams: [laughing] Come on!
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well, Wo Fat doesn't know it, but his government has just made a very, very generous contribution to the Policeman's Widows and Orphans Fund.
[Last lines]


"Hawaii Five-0: Hana I Wa 'Ia (#3.14)" (2013)
Danny Williams: I had a pretty good life in New Jersey, uh, and then... I came here. And it wasn't exactly a fit. Uh, the sun... sand - I mean, I can't even get a decent slice of pizza.
Judge: Get to your point, Detective Williams.
Danny Williams: Okay, I hate this place. Uh... I apologize, but I do. But I was willing to put up with it, because this is where my daughter is. And now her mother wants to move again, and I-I can't go through with that. Not to Vegas, not anywhere, because this... is my home. This is our... home. Your Honor, that little girl is-is my everything. She is my life, she is my breath. And it may just be the two of us, but we... are a family. And separating us by two thousand seven hundred and fifty-four miles of water is not... something this court should allow.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Ransom (#3.6)" (1970)
Danny: [to Blake] Kidnapping is a crime... whether you report it or not.


"Hawaii Five-O: Up Tight (#1.14)" (1969)
Det. Steve McGarrett: You're pretty uptight, Danno.
Danny: Why not?... She reached out to me... I was inches from grabbing her... Inches!
Det. Steve McGarrett: Let's keep the next one from slipping away.


"Hawaii Five-O: Air Cargo - Dial for Murder (#4.7)" (1971)
Danny Williams: [Eric's body arrives in Honolulu] Cheaper by the dozen, Arnold... Chalk up another murder for the ring.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Gunrunner (#3.20)" (1971)
Danny Williams: Cunningham bought us some time... Thirty six hours.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well, that's better than nothing.


"Hawaii Five-O: King Kamehameha Blues (#2.8)" (1969)
Danny: Still want me to check out who triggered the alarm?
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Holding cat] No, take him downtown and book him for trespassing... Tell him his rights and give him some catnip.


"Hawaii Five-O: F.O.B. Honolulu: Part I (#3.18)" (1971)
Det. Steve McGarrett: [Dan is checking the body of Cpl. Kurtz] What does it look like, Danno?
Danny: Ugly... Marine corporal just returned from Vietnam, R and R... Still had his travel orders and his airplane ticket stub in his pocket.


"Hawaii Five-O: A Distant Thunder (#11.6)" (1978)
Danny Williams: [Danny has been undercover with a Nazi group, and has been discovered] You're not Nazis... You're Nutzis!


"Hawaii Five-0: Kanaka Hahai (#6.18)" (2016)
Vance Pekelo: Finally - a decent shot.
Danny Williams: First time, I aimed for his head. I got him in the leg. Second time, I went for the leg...


"Hawaii Five-0: Ua Hopu (#2.22)" (2012)
Danny Williams: [On the phone to Steve] You get a chance to interrogate Wo Fat yet?
Steve McGarrett: Sorry Danny that's classified
Danny Williams: It's classified? Is that a joke? Are you kidding me?
Steve McGarrett: No I'm not kidding
Danny Williams: Okay, uh well when are you bringing him back?
Steve McGarrett: I can't tell you that either Danny I can't tell you these things over an unsecured line you understand? It's a security issue
Danny Williams: Okay you know what I think? I think that you think, that saying stuff like that is cool. It's not cool it's actually the opposite of cool
Steve McGarrett: Danny...
Danny Williams: You know what? Forget it. I don't care when you're - well no I... I care I'm just going to find out myself, okay, I will track your plane
Steve McGarrett: No you won't, I'm coming in dark
Danny Williams: ...Dark, huh?
Steve McGarrett: Yes, dark, as in off the radar dark
Danny Williams: I... I know what dark means okay, is that really necessary though?
Steve McGarrett: It's protocol Danny I'm sorry but I can't answer your questions right now, I gotta go alright?
Danny Williams: Well I got an easy one: What are you wearing? You know what? Don't answer it. I'm sure it's top secret so I will take a guess
[pauses]
Danny Williams: Cargo pants!
Steve McGarrett: [who of course is wearing cargo pants] Goodbye Daniel


"Hawaii Five-O: Engaged to Be Buried (#5.22)" (1973)
Danny Williams: [after a car was blown up in front of his pool hall as a message] Steve, this is Mr. Hanolo, he says he knows nothing about the bomb.
Harold: An old car gets blown up. It happens.


"Hawaii Five-O: Ten Thousand Diamonds and a Heart (#3.16)" (1971)
Danny: [Surveying crime scene with two dead bodies] Where does Orwell fit in?... You think he did this?
Det. Steve McGarrett: No, no... He's no executioner, he's a mastermind... And he never goes after anything small.


"Hawaii Five-O: Dear Enemy (#3.21)" (1971)
Danny Williams: [Checking scene where Tobias died] Looks like he tripped on that rotten third step... Landed here and his head could have slipped over the edge and into the water.
Det. Steve McGarrett: How convenient.


"Hawaii Five-0: O ka Pili'Ohana ka 'Oi (#4.22)" (2014)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What's up?
Steve McGarrett: Wo Fat is still in the wind.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Why don't you call your Mom? Ask her where he is.
Steve McGarrett: [gives Danny a disbelieving look] You realize that hurts me when you say that.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: [softly] I- I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry. I was literally just trying to be helpful. I mean, I know you can't get in touch with her anyway. She avoids you like crazy.
Steve McGarrett: Stop being helpful!


"Hawaii Five-O: To Kill or Be Killed (#3.17)" (1971)
Danny: [the maid runs off after being questioned by McGarrett] The maid sure shot out of here in a hurry... What's with her?
Det. Steve McGarrett: I don't know, Danno... But I don't like it.


"Hawaii Five-0: Imi Loko Ka 'Uhane (#3.21)" (2013)
[McGarrett jumps off a balcony and into a swimming pool after a suspect]
Savannah Walker: Did he really just do that?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Welcome to my world.


"Hawaii Five-O: Good Night, Baby - Time to Die! (#4.21)" (1972)
Danny Williams: [a stake out is prepared for L.B] We're ready for him.
Det. Steve McGarrett: We'd better be.


"Hawaii Five-O: Presenting... in the Center Ring... Murder (#7.12)" (1974)
Det. Steve McGarrett: It had to be Wo Fat. No other mind could have conceived of this.
Dan Williams: [into radio] All units, red alert.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Hold it, Danno. Knowing our old friend, he's gone. Maybe we should just settle for the safety of the minister and his grandson this time. But we'll get another crack at Wo Fat. Bet on it.


"Hawaii Five-O: McGarrett Is Missing (#8.2)" (1975)
Det. Steve McGarrett: I'm coming in with four fish in a bag.
Dan Williams: What about Charlie?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Sharks got him.
[Last lines]


"Hawaii Five-O: The Grandstand Play: Part II (#3.24)" (1971)
Danny Williams: [Steve and Dan pull Workman's body out of the water] So close... We almost made it in time.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Well, we can't be late again, Danno... We've got to find out where Gary is before they do.


"Hawaii Five-0: Ma'eme'e (#2.5)" (2011)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: This is my point: What the perks for being a cop? Pay sucks. The hours suck. Sometime I get - no, no. Not sometimes - all the time. I get shot at all the time.
Steve McGarrett: What are you talking about? You never - you hardly ever get shot at?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Are you making a joke?
Steve McGarrett: When's the last time you got clipped?


"Hawaii Five-0: Ka Haunaele (#6.20)" (2016)
Danny Williams: Let me just get this straight, so I'm clear. You tell SWAT to stand down. But you *think* that us with our pistols and righteous disposition, we are gonna take this guy down?
Steve McGarrett: Yeah, that's right.
Danny Williams: "That's right?" What are - what are you nuts. This man that we are chasing is wearing an indestructible suit, and not even you big dumb head can penetrate.
Steve McGarrett: Right.
Danny Williams: You got a plan? You want to tell me the plan?
Steve McGarrett: Sure, as soon as I figure it out, you'll be the first to know.


"Hawaii Five-O: Savage Sunday (#2.5)" (1969)
Kono: I've been keeping both ears to the ground, boss. Nothin'.
Danny: Any time you can put both ears to the ground, pal, it's something.
Kono: Okay, let's not get personal. I covered this island like a blanket.
Chin Ho: [Glancing at Kono's large belly] Well, that should be easy for you, Kono.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Payoff (#3.13)" (1970)
Danny: [Jase has just died] Dead?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah... He's dead.
Danny: Get anything out of him?
Det. Steve McGarrett: Not much... But I have a feeling that unless we move fast, we're gonna have a couple more murders on our hands... Problem is, I don't know who's gonna murder who or why.


"Hawaii Five-0: La Po'ino (#5.13)" (2015)
Steve McGarrett: You coulda killed yourself! You know that?
Joe White: Nothin' you wouldn't have done yourself.
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah, he's right. You would have done something *equally* as stupid.
Joe White: I guess that depends on how you define stupid.


"Hawaii Five-0: Kahu (#3.11)" (2012)
Danny Williams: [outtake] If you drink too much of that, you're gonna poop on yourself, so go easy.
Uncle Choi: [raises tin mug, drinks] I don't care.
Chin Ho Kelly: [laughs]


"Hawaii Five-O: We Hang Our Own (#7.7)" (1974)
Det. Steve McGarrett: Danno? Have you ever met Colonel Farraday?
Dan Williams: Never had the pleasure.
Det. Steve McGarrett: He owns and operates one of the largest cattle ranches in the world, over 200,000 acres. It's an empire and he's often been accused of running it like an emperor. Don't let him intimidate anybody.
Dan Williams: Gotcha.


"Hawaii Five-O: F.O.B. Honolulu: Part II (#3.19)" (1971)
Danny: [Looking at Wo Fat's blood in the Chinese temple] He's probably hit bad.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Yeah, and that makes him even more dangerous.


"Hawaii Five-O: Charter for Death (#6.3)" (1973)
Det. Danny Williams: [referring to a ship's log written in French] How's your French, Che?
Che Fong: About as good as your Chinese.


"Hawaii Five-0: O Ke Ali'i Wale No Ka'u Makemake (#6.25)" (2016)
Danny Williams: Hey, Steve, listen to me. I know you've never been any good at listening to me, buy right now you got no choice, you stubborn son of a bitch! Do not die!


"Hawaii Five-0: Ke Koho Mamao Aku (#5.9)" (2014)
Lou Grover: [Lou is on the phone while at the hospital with Danny and Kono where they brought in a poison victim] Okay. Thank you.
[to Danny]
Lou Grover: You were right. That was the ATA
[American Thoroughbred Association]
Lou Grover: . Blood from Keone's, direct DNA match to Urban Myth.
Danny Williams: Uhuh. Okay, and that sample was taken a couple of days ago. That means that horse is on this island.
Kono Kalakaua: Keone must have come into contact with him, and then reached out to Harrison to let him know he found his missing horse.
Lou Grover: Harrison tells Keone to get a blood sample so that he can confirm.
Danny Williams: And then whoever has Urban Myth realizes that somebody's on to him and realizes he has to clip 'em both.
Lou Grover: We gotta figure out who's got that horse.
Kono Kalakaua: Okay. The thing I don't get is this. Why would you steal a racehorse and not ransom it? I mean, it's not like you can run it anywhere.
Danny Williams: No. But you could put it out to stud, and make a lot of money.
Chin Ho Kelly: [Chin and Steve are at Five-O headquarters at the computer table] Okay. So we checked, and there are only three stud farms on the entire island. But one of them, Nakata Ranch, was right on Keone's delivery route.
Kono Kalakaua: [Kono, Danny, and Lou on speaker phone at the hospital] That must be where he saw Urban Myth.
Danny Williams: Okay. What do we know about this place?
Chin Ho Kelly: Owner's name is Al Mokuau.
Lou Grover: That's the guy from the rodeo. That's the same guy who tried to pin this whole thing on Luke Pakele. I say we round him up.
Steve McGarrett: What was that, a horse metaphor?
Lou Grover: Yes, sir.


"Hawaii Five-O: The Devil and Mr. Frog (#2.12)" (1969)
Danny: [about Gibbons] Steve, I think we gaffed him.


"Hawaii Five-0: No ke ali'i wahine a me ka 'aina (#7.2)" (2016)
Danny Williams: Revenge? This thing is all about revenge? I mean you're gonna walk into certain death, potentially give up the Greystone so you can settle the score with El Hamadi?
Steve McGarrett: Sorry, Harry. I can't let you do that. We have a kill or capture order on El Hamadi. He's a high value target to our government too... Which is why we're coming with you.


"Hawaii Five-0: Na Ki'i (#3.18)" (2013)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Wow. Okay, um, I'm not really getting anything from Crimson Bride, Dirty Damsel, Ivana Kiss, or any of the other ladies.
Steve McGarrett: Ivana Kiss?
Danny 'Danno' Williams: Yeah. Her parents must be very proud.


"Hawaii Five-O: A Death in the Family (#10.24)" (1978)
[In the next scene after the death of Chin Ho Kelly, Steve is staring out the window with the shades closed. There's a knock on the door]
Det. Steve McGarrett: [solemn] Come in.
[Danno and Duke Lukela walk inside Steve's office]
Det. Steve McGarrett: I've just phoned Chin's daughter in San Francisco. She'll be here for the funeral.
Dan Williams: How did Suzy take it?
Det. Steve McGarrett: How would any daughter take it, Danno, and yet, to tell her that her old man's just been murdered? It broke her heart. I shouldn't have let him go undercover. He was too well known.
Duke: Steve... don't blame yourself. Chin wanted the job.
Dan Williams: He was the only one who could get any cooperation with the Chinese community.
Duke: The tip about the new protection racket came from one of Chin's snitches.
Det. Steve McGarrett: [sadly] Yeah.
[sighs]
Det. Steve McGarrett: I should've had a back-up on it at all times.
Dan Williams: It wouldn't have worked, Steve. You know how suspicious those Chinese merchants are? One man... alone... had a chance.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Did he, Danno?
[voice breaks whilst furious]
Det. Steve McGarrett: So help me God... I will not rest... until I get the man who killed him.
[Steve sobs in tears]


"Hawaii Five-0: I Helu Pu (#2.16)" (2012)
Danny Williams: [about the tickets] They are my tickets Steve!


"Hawaii Five-O: Along Came Joey (#1.18)" (1969)
Det. Steve McGarrett: What have we got, Danno?
Danny: Heartbreaker. Two guys get out of a parked car, start clobbering Joey Kalama. No reason.
Det. Steve McGarrett: Always a reason, Danno.


"Hawaii Five-0: Kanalu Hope Loa (#5.3)" (2014)
Danny 'Danno' Williams: What the hell are you talking about? What are you, trying to confuse me? I'm angry. Do you want to make me more angry? What does that mean?


"Hawaii Five-O: One Big Happy Family (#6.4)" (1973)
Det. Steve McGarrett: Estimated number of murders: 125 in the past three years. Estimated amount stolen: $ 40,000. If I saw that in a movie, I'd walk out in the middle.
Dan Williams: I wouldn't go in.