Roland Taverner
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Quotes for
Roland Taverner (Character)
from Southland Tales (2006)

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Southland Tales (2006)
Boxer Santaros: My character, he realizes that the apocalyptic crime rate is because of global deceleration. The rotation of the Earth is slowing down at a rate of point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero six miles per hour each day, disrupting the chemical equilibrium in the human brain, causing very irrational criminal behavior.
Roland Taverner: How does he stop the global deceleration?
Boxer Santaros: Oh, he can't stop it. There is no stopping wat can't be stopped. Only God can stop it.
Krysta Now: But The New York Times said: "God is dead."
Boxer Santaros: So in the end, I die in a very tragic downtown shootout while whispering my theory to Dr. Muriel Fox, the oceanography disaster specialist.
Krysta Now: Astrophysicist!
Boxer Santaros: The oceanography disaster specialist... sweetheart. My character - his name is Jericho Kane.

Martin Kefauver: Yo, dog, it says - it says "transaction denied," dog. Yo, what - what do I do?
Roland Taverner: We're going to take the ATM machine with us to Mexico.

Boxer Santaros: Do you ever feel like there's a thousand people locked inside of you?
Roland Taverner: Sometimes.
Boxer Santaros: But it's your memory that keeps them glued together. Keeps all these people from fighting one another. Maybe in the end, that's all we have. The Memory Gospel.

Roland Taverner: So why do you want to kill yourself?
Martin Kefauver: I got drafted, dog. I got to go to Iraq, maybe Syria. Can't take that shit.

Boxer Santaros: It all hinges on a Top Secret experiment. A young couple comes home from the hospital with a newborn baby. A week goes by and the baby still hasn't produced a bowel movement.
Roland Taverner: Maybe the baby's just constipated.
Boxer Santaros: No, no, no, no. This is a *very* special baby. This baby processes energy differently.
Roland Taverner: I haven't had a bowel movement in 6 days. I haven't taken a piss, either.