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Quotes for
Moesha Mitchell (Character)
from "Moesha" (1996)

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"Moesha: Ohmigod, Fanatic (#4.13)" (1999)
Hostess: [Moesha opens door] Moesha Mitchell
Moesha: Yes?
Hostess: Hi Melanie
[unknown last name]
Hostess: MTV!
Moesha: OH MY GOD, MTV!
Frank Mitchell: Baby who is it.
Moesha: Oh my god, Dad! MTV, MTV!
Hostess: So are you ready to do this.
Moesha: Yes! Do what?
Hostess: Well, you did get my message?
Moesha: Myles
Myles: What? She did'nt say she was from MTV. She said Music Television.
Hostess: Ok, no time for symantics. Look, I produce for the show fanatic. Are you ready to take your best friend Kimberly Parker to meet Leeann Rimes.
Moesha: Oh My God. You read my letter. I sent that months ago.
Hostess: Yeah, honey, we really gotta go.
Dee Mitchell: Well hold on now. It is a school day.
Hostess: Excuse Me. This is television.
Frank Mitchell: Well Dee,it's ok if she misses one day. It's Fanatic. It's MTV. I love the show. I watch it all the time.
Hostess: That's Great. Ok, Moesha. I realize that its early, ok. I'm just gonna need you to muster up some hurrah. I need you to look into that camera, take us out to the Limo and tell us how tickled pink your friend Kim is going to be to meet Leeann Rimes.
Moesha: I'm sorry, I cant. Were not best friends.
Hostess: Well thats fine honey. I just need you to be enthusiastic.
Moesha: No, were not friends... at all.
Hostess: I don't care... at all. I just need you to act like it.
Dee Mitchell: Moesha. Just think why you wrote the letter. Whatever motvated you to write the letter is what your gonna have to use.
Hostess: Oh, that was so beautiful. Did you guys get that.

Melanie Trottman: There's your camera. And in 5-4-3-2-you're on.
Moesha: [In a fast pitch] Ohmygod! My best friend Kim is gonna meet LeAnn Rimes. Ohmygod, she's gonna be so excited! She's gonna die! Ohmygod, she loves LeAnn. I don't know what else to say honey it that all you wanted?
Melanie Trottman: Fine, thats all I need, let's go find Kim

Moesha: Kim, ohmygod. You're gonna meet your favorite singer LeAnn Rimes.
Andell Wilkerson, Niecy: The country singer?

Moesha: Kim guess what.
Kim: What!
Moesha: Youre gonna meet LeAnn Rimes!
Kim: [shouts] LeAnn Rimes!
Moesha: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Kim: Oh Yeah!
Moesha: Woo Hoo!


"Moesha: Baby Love (#1.13)" (1996)
Niecy: Mo, we have looked everywhere: the arcade, the Magic Johnson theater, Mickey D's playland, the swap meet...
Kim: Yeah, and I got 10 scrunchies for a dollar!
Moesha: Kim, my brother is missing and you're shopping?
Kim: Well, if we can't find him we can use them as armbands.

Andell Wilkerson: Baby? After all the free advice I been slinging around here?
Moesha: Not me, Andell, my parents.
Andell Wilkerson: Whew, girl, I thought I was gonna have to regulate.

Andell Wilkerson: I think you need to reconsider that decision.
Moesha: Why? Me and The Den Think Tank have already discussed it.
Kim: Yeah, we done already moved to the refreshment part of this agenda.

Dee Mitchell: I'm not getting any younger, your father and I are very much in love and we want to have a baby.
Moesha: But you already got us.
Dee Mitchell: And you're such a joy we want one more.


"Moesha: Pilot (#1.1)" (1996)
Moesha: [telling Hakeem about her dislike of Dee] I'm the one who's been taking care of everyone around here for the past three years. Cookin', cleanin', raisin' that knucklehead Myles. Shoot, I dang near raised you!

Kim: Who is baby?
Moesha: That's just Hakeem!
Kim: Hakeem? Well, the brotha must've stepped into a phone booth or *somethin'*.

Dee Mitchell: Myles, you better get a move on if you want a ride to school.
Moesha: Oh, I'll walk him.
Myles: "Walk me"? Do I look like a dog to you?


"Moesha: There's No Place Like the Mitchell Home (#2.12)" (1996)
Moesha Mitchell: [the Mitchells are arguing about how to get rid of Andell who has overstayed her welcome and Moesha comes home] You guys are gonna disturb Andell!
Dee Mitchell: Andell is *already* disturbed!

Moesha: Excuse me, but I'm just trying to run The Den like a real business.
Q: A real business has customers!


"Moesha: Back to Africa (#2.18)" (1997)
Kimberly Ann Parker: [Everyone is showing passport photos] Dag, Q. They takin' colour pictures at the Central Booking now?
Moesha Mitchell: [snatches Q's passport] Leave my baby alone.
Quinton 'Q' Brooks: Yeah, Let's see *your* passport picture.
Hakeem Campbell: Yeah, Yeah. Let's see it.
Moesha Mitchell, Quinton 'Q' Brooks, Hakeem Campbell: [Kim shows passport and looks away] Dang!
Quinton 'Q' Brooks: What, you're tryin' to scare your way in the country?
Kimberly Ann Parker: Oh, Like you ain't had a bad hair day!
Quinton 'Q' Brooks: [takes off Bandana to reveal his bald head] Not Lately!

Myles: [Frank has spent $75,000 on the dealership] Looks like it's back to picking lemons.
Moesha: Lemons? You better make that cotton.


"Moesha: The Short Story (#3.15)" (1998)
Moesha: Aren't you having a good time?
David: Yeah, but if we go to my house, we can have a GREAT time. Know what I'm sayin'?
Moesha: [puzzled look] No.
David: I'm talkin' about gratitude, girl! Shoot, I paid twenty dollars for those tickets!
Moesha: [jaw drops]
David: Hey, don't act like you never been on a date before!
Moesha: David, what happened? I thought you were nice.
David: Why have nice... when you can have NASTY? I'm good, baby. Check my references. Pick up the phone, dial randomly, and if a woman answers the phone, ask her about me.

Moesha: David, you handled him really well! Have you ever thought about doing stand-up?
David: I AM standing up.


"Moesha: Basket Case (#2.4)" (1996)
Hakeem Campbell: I felt like somebody was just watchin' me all night or something.
Moesha Mitchell: Could have been that Coolio poster in your room.

Kimberly Ann Parker: [Sifts through Hakeem's trash] You can tell a lot about a brother by going through his trash.
Moesha Mitchell: And even more about the sister who goes through it!


"Moesha: Job (#1.8)" (1996)
Moesha: He is too young. You can still smell the milk on his breath.
Kim: I don't care if it's Similac, baby is fine.

Myles: I want to get a job.
Moesha: Now Myles, you know the circus is *not* in town.


"Moesha: Moesha Meets Brandy (#4.1)" (1998)
Moesha: I don't look like Brandy! I'm cuter than her.

Hakeem: I'm going to ask Jennifer Lopez on a date.
Moesha: Oh, so you just beggin' to get tackled by security, huh?
Hakeem: When she sees me, she'll take care of security.
Moesha: Yup, I can hear her now - "Get him!"


"Moesha: Rhythm and Dues (#3.10)" (1997)
Moesha: My name is Moesha Mitchell.
Morris Day: Oh, Lawd, another "Esha" baby.

Morris Day: No sampling, period.
Moesha: But, Morris...
Morris Day: I said period, not comma.


"Moesha: Birth Control (#4.8)" (1998)
Moesha: Kim, I am not going to answer all these personal questions. What does this have to do with birth control?
Kim: [after seeing the question] Ooh. This is some kind of freaky clinic.
Moesha: Whatever, I can get birth control at the drug store.
Kim: Right.
[pregnant street woman walks by]
Kim: Ooo, I hope you not goin' to the drug store she went to.

Aaron: Come on, Mo, I never said I was a virgin.
Moesha: No, but I didn't know you were a ho!


"Moesha: Road Trip (#2.13)" (1996)
Dee: Hey, Miles. Got any special requests for the thanksgiving day menu?
Myles: I'm not into holidays that tricked an entire race of people off their land.
Dee: Who told you that?
Myles: My reading teacher, Brother Ahmed.
Moesha: You know, Brother Ahmed has a point. No truly conscious people celebrate Thanksgiving
Myles: Yeah, I don't want anything to do with it.
Frank: No, No, No. Wait just a minute...
Dee: You know, Myles. It seems to me if a person is concious enough not celebrate Thanksgiving, then they couldn't *possibly* be tricked into the commercial trappings of Christmas.
Myles: What's a commercial trapping?
Dee: [smiles] A Bike.
Myles: We're having Mac and Cheese, right?

Niecy: [Coach Vines has sent the Basketball team home following their loss] Well, let's look on the bright side; The team that won are still here! And the Room *is* paid for. So it's time to What? Party!
[dances]
Moesha: Uh, Niecy?
Niecy: Yeah?
Moesha: I don't know if you've noticed but we're in *Flagstaff*, A town named after a *pole*.


"Moesha: The Ditch Party (#1.11)" (1996)
Hakeem: Mo, Look; I *cannot* let you go out like this. Just tell Dee that Ohagi threw the party at *my* house.
Ohagi: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! Let's not put on our stupid caps now.
Moesha Mitchell: Why? You seem to like *yours*!

Dee Mitchell: The Vice Principal, Like, Like all teachers is responsible for the welfare and safety of all students during school hours. Now what if something bad had happened during that ditch party?
Moesha Mitchell: Oh nothing bad happened. Except when they played that Hammer-Vanilla Ice remix!


"Moesha: Hakeem Owes Moesha Big (#1.4)" (1996)
Moesha Mitchell: Hakeem, you were supposed to wear your suit. You are *not* gonna get a job looking like that. You look like a Gangsta Urkel!

Moesha: Listen to this resume I wrote for Hakeem.
Kim: Okay.
Moesha: Hakeem Campbell: Crenshaw High honor student.
Kim: Honor student? Maybe *Honorary*!


"Moesha: Break a Leg (#2.16)" (1997)
Kimberly Ann Parker: [after Mo calls for her to leave] Girl, I can't miss my commercial!
Moesha Mitchell: But you're not even in the commercial.
Kimberly Ann Parker: Oh, yes I am; I cast my shadow during one of the scenes and I wanna see if I made the cut!
Andell Wilkerson: So We gonna have two more weeks of Winter?

Moesha Mitchell: [Miles comes in after being beaten up] Miles!
Hakeem Campbell: Ooh, Somebody bombed on him!
Dee Mitchell: What Happened?
Myles Mitchell: [bloodied and beat] It's Nothing; I just got into a little fight.
Hakeem Campbell: Did you win?
Frank Mitchell: Oh, Hakeem! Of course He did!
Dee Mitchell: What Happened?
Myles Mitchell: Some kids on the playground kept saying I thought I was all that, Just because I was in a commercial.
Dee Mitchell: Oh...
Myles Mitchell: But I went Steven Seagal on them.
Andell Wilkerson: Mmm... And somebody went Jackie Chan on *you*.


"Moesha: Day One (#3.3)" (1997)
Moesha Mitchell: [about Mary Ellen] Is this girl for real?
Haley Dillard: Parts of Her are.


"Moesha: A Concerted Effort: Part 1 (#2.9)" (1996)
Moesha Mitchell: You don't understand, sir. I'm supposed to be in there.
Tyrone: No. *You* Don't understand, I'm suppose to keep you out here.
Moesha Mitchell: Okay, I'll bring you a plate.
Tyrone: I'm on a diet.
Moesha Mitchell: I'll *sneak* you a plate!
Moesha Mitchell: Come on, I'm the K-Vibe contest winner. Remember I was on the radio with P.J. and he gave me the tickets because my boyfriend was acting like he didn't wanna be with me...
Tyrone: And I know *why*.
Moesha Mitchell: Boy, just tell P.J. Carol was here.
[P.J. Butter walks by]
P.J. Butter: Hey, Carol.
Moesha Mitchell: P.J.?
P.J. Butter: Like Butter, Baby.
[Mo takes a picture]
P.J. Butter: Come on, We gotta go. We're waiting for you.
Moesha Mitchell: Well, what about my friends?
P.J. Butter: Alright, they can come in. MTV's waiting, we gotta go now.
Moesha Mitchell: See, I told you.
Tyrone: Just don't forget my plate!


"Moesha: Driving Miss Moesha (#1.6)" (1996)
Hakeem Campbell: [Hakeem walks in with his laundry] Hey, Mo. I need to wash my clothes
Moesha Mitchell: But Hakeem, Why don't you take 'em down to the river and beat 'em on the rocks like you always do?
Hakeem Campbell: Come on, I mean I've worn everything I own five times. See.
[thrusts laundry bag at her]
Hakeem Campbell: Smell?
Moesha Mitchell: Dang, Hakeem. You shouldn't put that in my face, man. Go ahead; Make sure you put some bleach, deodorant *and* a grenade up in that mug!


"Moesha: Psyche Your Mind (#4.4)" (1998)
Moesha: The Mitchells are your typical middle-class family. Lots of laughs, lots of hugs, lots of love.
Dr. Woods: Lots of drama.


"Moesha: Body Language (#3.21)" (1998)
Myles Mitchell: So, Mo. What'd you do on your first day of "Freedom?"
Moesha Mitchell: Not that it's any of your busines, but, I hung out at the mall, stopped by the Den and got a tattoo.
Myles Mitchell: [gleefully awaiting Moesha to get into trouble] Yes! It's Regulatin' time!
Dee Mitchell: If you don't sit down and finish your dinner, I'm gonna regulate *you*!


"Moesha: The Nutty Moesha (#6.7)" (2000)
Dorian Long: All right, lil' man, Frisky is gonna need a walk before I get back.
Myles: Where are you going?
Dorian Long: To a Hallowe'en party.
Myles: Well, you better go as a kangaroo and put that dog in your pouch, 'cuz I ain't the one.


"Moesha: Break It Down (#3.11)" (1997)
J.W.: [During a self-defence session at the Den; J.W. pretends to be an armed robber] This is a hold-up! Give me all your money!
Kimberly Ann Parker: [points to Andell] This is the Den, she doesn't have *any*!
J.W.: Alright! Against the wall!
Myles Mitchell: He doesn't have a gun; Let's get him!
[All the women and Myles attack J.W]
Dee Mitchell: [hitting him with cushion] You have not had enough until we *say* you have had enough!
[she stops and Myles unsmasks him]
Kimberly Ann Parker, Myles Mitchell, Dee Mitchell, Moesha Mitchell, Andell Wilkerson, Niecy Jackson: JW!
J.W.: See, I told y'all you was gonna forget all that Self-defence mess! Y'all went straight up Street!
Moesha Mitchell: And you got straight up *beat*!


"Moesha: Songs in the Key of Strife (#2.20)" (1997)
Quinton "Q" Brooks: [During a recording session] Shorty, you're makin' Hakeem nervous
Moesha: The only thing that makes Hakeem nervous is a closed sign on a KFC door!


"Moesha: Credit Card (#2.2)" (1996)
Myles Mitchell: [During Frank and Moesha's credit card conversation] Hey, Dad I got the belt, you ready to regulate?


"Moesha: Run, Mo, Run (#6.13)" (2001)
Jerome: Something tells me the next time she sees you, she's gonna kill you!
Moesha: Why do you say that?
Jerome: Because she told me, the next time she sees you, she's gonna kill you!


"Moesha: Double Date (#3.12)" (1997)
Quinton "Q" Brooks: You think you can have your cake and eat it too?
Moesha: Hello! That's what you do with cake. You eat it.


"Moesha: Mo's Money, Mo's Money, Mo's Money (#3.19)" (1998)
Moesha Mitchell: [after her finances spiral out of control] Man, I should have known better than to ask the accounting firm of poor
[looks at Kim]
Moesha Mitchell: , broke
[glances at Niecy]
Moesha Mitchell: and Hungry
[looks at Hakeem]
Moesha Mitchell: for money!
Niecy Jackson: Then let that be a lesson to you.