Pete Campbell
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Quotes for
Pete Campbell (Character)
from "Mad Men" (2007)

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"Mad Men: Blowing Smoke (#4.12)" (2010)
Pete Campbell: [to Don Draper, after Draper has authored a one-page ad in the New York Times with the headline "Why I'm Quitting Tobacco"] You did what was best for you because you're impatient and childish. You had a tantrum on a full page in the New York Times.

Pete Campbell: I'll lose my partnership!
Trudy Campbell: You'll lose your stateroom on the Titanic!

Geoffrey Atherton: You are a certain kind of girl, and tobacco is your ideal boyfriend.
Don Draper: Can you get us a date?
Geoffrey Atherton: Philip Morris is introducing a new brand for young women, hoping to have it on the market in eighteen months, and they'd like a new agency on it from the ground floor.
Roger Sterling: How much is it?
Geoffrey Atherton: Close to five million dollars. It's a start.
Bertram Cooper: Wonderful.
Pete Campbell: And what stage of the process has your influence bought us?
Geoffrey Atherton: A meeting. No-one else has one.
Bertram Cooper: We will listen more than we will speak.
Geoffrey Atherton: Like a good girlfriend.

"Mad Men: The Wheel (#1.13)" (2007)
Pete Campbell: Stop joking already, will you Don?
Don Draper: Excuse me?
Pete Campbell: This is my father-in-law. He's expecting the very best, I'm expecting the very best. Not some little girl. He'll walk away.
Don Draper: You'll have to give back that copy of Ayn Rand.

Pete Campbell: [to Don] It matters to me that you're impressed.

"Mad Men: Hands and Knees (#4.10)" (2010)
Pete Campbell: [Pete and Don are in the elevator discussing the fact that two FBI men have initiated a background check on Don] If you're asking me if he knows how to keep a secret - he works for the Department of Defense.
Don Draper: But he talks to you.
Pete Campbell: It's going to be OK. I was thinking about this. And I know it'll be uncomfortable, but if we have to, we can ride it out.
Don Draper: Are you crazy?
Pete Campbell: This many years later? It must be past the statute of limitations.
Don Draper: It's desertion. There's no statute of limitations.
Pete Campbell: I thought nobody cared about these things.
Don Draper: What am I supposed to do?
Pete Campbell: I don't know. You've been doing it for years. I don't have to live with your shit over my head.
[Don starts to leave the elevator and Pete grabs his arm]
Pete Campbell: You know, I signed this account after you disappeared in California. It's three years, but I've grown it from cocktails to $4 million.
Don Draper: Get rid of it.

Pete Campbell: Why did you fill out the form?
Don Draper: Megan did. And I signed it without looking because that's what I do.

"Mad Men: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (#1.1)" (2007)
Pete Campbell: A man like you I'd follow into combat blindfolded, and I wouldn't be the first. Am I right, buddy?
Don Draper: Let's take it a little slower. I don't want to wake up pregnant.

Don Draper: If Greta's research was any good I would have used it.
Pete Campbell: What are you talking about?
Don Draper: I'm saying I had a report just like that. And it's not like there's some magic machine that makes identical copies of things.

"Mad Men: The Chrysanthemum and the Sword (#4.5)" (2010)
Don Draper: [Reading aloud from a piece of paper] "The man is shamed by being openly ridiculed and rejected; it requires an audience."
Pete Campbell: What is that, fortune cookie?
Don Draper: It's from that book you were all supposed to read.
Pete Campbell: Oh.

Pete Campbell: Now, if you don't mind, I have to get some gifts wrapped and get these chrysanthemums out of the building. Apparently, they symbolize death.

"Mad Men: The Other Woman (#5.11)" (2012)
Pete Campbell: [about pitching to Jaguar] I've seen the campaign and it's something I couldn't have imagined, yet exactly what I expected.
Don Draper: Thank you.
Pete Campbell: And I want you to present in the fullest confidence.
Don Draper: I think it's a winner.
Pete Campbell: Well, all I wanted to say was we've removed all other impediments. But you do know no matter what else goes on, it's the creative that's going to win this.
Don Draper: Close the door.
Pete Campbell: It was four to zero. You abstained in absentia. The conversation doesn't end just because you leave the room.
Don Draper: What did you promise her?
Pete Campbell: A five percent stake as a voting partner.
Don Draper: Dawn, can you buzz Mrs. Harris?
Pete Campbell: She's not here.
Don Draper: Actually, Dawn, can you get my things?
[packs up his belongings]
Pete Campbell: Yes, you should be well rested.
Don Draper: [to Campbell's face] I don't want it like this.
Pete Campbell: It was her idea.

Pete Campbell: I feel like I shouldn't even bring this up. In fact, I don't know how to bring this up, but we're going to lose Jaguar unless an arrangement is made and it involves you and, well... Herb.
Joan Harris: How did that come up?
Pete Campbell: He said he was crazy about you and then he just asked. And then I thought we were past it but, right before we put him in a cab, he said it again. And it was quite conditional: a night with you or no vote.
Joan Harris: Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
Pete Campbell: Anyway, if you can think of some way to break the news to the company that we're out of this, I'd really appreciate it.
Joan Harris: You're unbelievable. I'm married. How would you feel if someone asked Trudy?
Pete Campbell: I didn't bring this up, he did. If you're not interested in the idea at all, I appreciate... It's just, it seems to me that there's something that could be worth the sacrifice. We're talking about a night in your life. We've all had nights in our lives where we've made mistakes for free.
Joan Harris: You're talking about prostitution.
Pete Campbell: I'm talking about business at a very high level. Do you consider Cleopatra a prostitute?
Joan Harris: Where do you get this stuff?
Pete Campbell: She was a queen. What would it take to make you a queen?

"Mad Men: For Immediate Release (#6.6)" (2013)
Pete Campbell: Draper! What in the hell have y-
[trips down stairs]
Don Draper: What?

"Mad Men: Seven Twenty Three (#3.7)" (2009)
Peggy Olson: "Elegance and success. Duck." I wonder who wrote that for him.
Pete Campbell: I don't trust him.
Peggy Olson: Why? Because he wants us? We're very important here.
Pete Campbell: Who is? Did he put you on Hilton?
Peggy Olson: I don't know what you're talking about. Stop barging in here and affecting me with your anxiety.

"Mad Men: The Phantom (#5.13)" (2012)
Beth Dawes: What's wrong with your friend?
Pete Campbell: He got involved with another man's wife.
Beth Dawes: And that put him in the hospital?
Pete Campbell: From the... complications.
Beth Dawes: Why did he do it?
Pete Campbell: Well, all the rave of reasons, I guess. He needed to let off some steam, he needed adventure, he needed to feel handsome again. He needed to feel that he knew something, that all this aging was worth something because he knew things young people didn't know yet. He probably thought it would be like having a few tall drinks and feeling very very good and then he would go back to his life and say, "that was nice".
Beth Dawes: But then he got sick?
Pete Campbell: When it went away, he was heartbroken, and then he realized everything he already had was not right either, and that was why it had happened at all. And that his life with his family was some temporary bandage on a permanent wound.

"Mad Men: Christmas Waltz (#5.10)" (2012)
Pete Campbell: [Regarding being in the running for Jaguar] Yes, well, other than Roger, who started drinking at exactly 7:55 this morning,
Pete Campbell: no one has given me the
Pete Campbell: reaction I desire from this blessed event.
Pete Campbell: Bert?
Bertram Cooper: They're lemons. They never start.
Pete Campbell: [Irritated] Meeting adjourned.

"Mad Men: Person to Person (#7.14)" (2015)
Peggy Olson: I just wanted to say that I'm very happy for you. And everyone's gonna miss you who doesn't hate you for getting that big job.
Pete Campbell: Ah, you're doing fine. Keep it up, you'll be a creative director by 1980.
Peggy Olson: God, that sounds like a long time.
Pete Campbell: I'm telling you, it will happen. They just have to get used to the idea. Someday, people are going to brag that they worked with you.
Peggy Olson: [flustered] What am I supposed to say to that?
Pete Campbell: I don't know. No one's ever said it to me.

"Mad Men: The Crash (#6.8)" (2013)
Michael Ginsberg: What I don't understand is, is it "Dad, I want this car" or "Son, I bought you this car"?
John Mathis: In what family is it "Son, I bought you this car"?
Pete Campbell: Good night, all!
Michael Ginsberg: That guy's family.

"Mad Men: Public Relations (#4.1)" (2010)
Pete Campbell: [Regarding a dud marketing trial using four supermarkets to sell a new ham] Two of their test markets are in Jewish neighborhoods. They're idiots.

"Mad Men: Signal 30 (#5.5)" (2012)
Lane Pryce: You're a grimy little pimp. As soon as I raise my hands, I warn you, it shall be too late to run.
Pete Campbell: [chuckles nervously] Fine. You want to take your teeth out? Or do you want me to knock them out?
Roger Sterling: I know cooler heads should prevail, but am I the only one who wants to see this?

"Mad Men: Long Weekend (#1.10)" (2007)
Pete Campbell: [watching JFK political ad] The President is a product. Don't forget that.

"Mad Men: Meditations in an Emergency (#2.13)" (2008)
Peggy Olson: One day you're there, and then all of a sudden, there's less of you. And you wonder where that... part went; if it's living somewhere outside of you. And you keep thinking maybe you'll get it back. And then you realize, it's just gone.
Pete Campbell: Why would you tell me that?
Peggy Olson: I'm sorry Pete.

"Mad Men: The Jet Set (#2.11)" (2008)
Pete Campbell: [Woman jumps in pool]
[turns to Don]
Pete Campbell: Come on.
Don Draper: You want to be on vacation, Pete? 'Cause I can make that happen.

"Mad Men: Collaborators (#6.3)" (2013)
Trudy Campbell: There's no way for me to escape; to not be an object of pity while you get to do whatever you feel like. I have never said 'no' to you.
Pete Campbell: That is not true! What are we doing out here?
Trudy Campbell: We're done, Peter. This is over.
Pete Campbell: You want a divorce?
Trudy Campbell: I refuse to be a failure. I don't care what you want anymore. This is how it's going to work: You will be here only when I tell you to be here. I'm drawing a fifty mile radius around this house and if you so much as open your fly to urinate, I will destroy you. Do you understand?

"Mad Men: Red in the Face (#1.7)" (2007)
Pete Campbell: You ever been hunting, Peggy?
Peggy Olson: No, I don't think so.
Pete Campbell: You either have or you haven't. I went a couple of times with my uncle. New Hampshire.
Peggy Olson: I saw my cousin shoot a rabbit by Coney Island.
Pete Campbell: It's an incredible sensation. You have to be very quiet. Take it down with the first shot or you scare it away. And sometimes you have to go up and finish it off. Then you tie it to the bumper, and you go home. But you know what I've always wanted to do? I would pick it up throw its back legs over my shoulder and I would drag it through the snow to this little cabin. And there I'd hang it up between a couple of trees, cut it open, drain it, dress it and then I'd take my big hunting knife and I'd cut this loin right out of the side. And I'd go into the cabin and there'd be this woman waiting for me, standing by one of those old stoves with a big black pipe and I'd hand it to her and she'd put it in a cast-iron skillet and then I'd sit at the table and she'd bring it to me. And I'd wipe my knife on my knee and then I would eat it while she watches.
Peggy Olson: That would be wonderful.

"Mad Men: The Mountain King (#2.12)" (2008)
Pete Campbell: [incredulous that Peggy got her own office] How the hell did you swing this ?
Peggy Olson: I'm sleeping with Don. It's really working out.

"Mad Men: The Strategy (#7.6)" (2014)
Pete Campbell: I hate even the word "family". It's vague. "Mom" is more specific.

"Mad Men: New Amsterdam (#1.4)" (2007)
Pete Campbell: Why is is so hard for you people to give me anything.
Andrew Campbell: We gave you everything. We gave you your name. And what have you done with it?

"Mad Men: For Those Who Think Young (#2.1)" (2008)
Harry Crane: I'm telling you, Draper knocked her up. She goes away for a couple of months, drops about 9 pounds, 8 ounces, comes back with a job.
Paul Kinsey: Don's been screwing me for the last 3 years. I've got nothing.
Pete Campbell: What's everybody laughing at?
Ken Cosgrove: The great debate wages on about Peggy Olson's charmed career.
Pete Campbell: Fat farm. I thought we had verification.