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Quotes for
Joan Girardi (Character)
from "Joan of Arcadia" (2003)

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"Joan of Arcadia: The Fire and the Wood (#1.2)" (2003)
Adam: Well, nice work, Jane.
[he leaves, Helen looks at Joan]
Joan: He calls me Jane sometimes when he forgets that my name is Joan.

Joan: So, my true nature is to be a catalyst? That is mad anti-climatic.
Electrician God: Anti climactic. Anti-climatic means you're against the weather.

Electrician God: Are you looking for me?
Joan: Um, I'm not sure.
Electrician God: 'Cause when you're alone, that hideous Titanic song makes you cry.
Joan: Why do you have to be so mean?
Electrician God: Why do you have to keep questioning me? Most people would be on their best behavior.
Joan: Okay, look, whatever. I was thinking about what you said when I asked you to cure Kevin. How it would show favoritism and that I'm an instrument of God. Then I realized, you want me to become a scientist, so I can discover a cure for Kevin.
Electrician God: Newsflash, Joan: you don't need to let me in on your thinking process, I'm omniscient.

Linesman God: Stop underachieving. Stop squandering the potential I gave you. Have some pride.
Joan: What about humility?
Linesman God: Humility isn't actually humility unless there's something you're good enough at to be humble about.

[the previous night God had appeared on TV and Joan's father turned off the TV]
Linesman God: Hey kid, it's me. You need proof? Fine. Sometimes you like to practice french kissing yourself in the mirror.
Joan: Why do you have to be so mean? Look, that was my Dad who turned you off last night, so if there's some kind of penalty, then I think...
Linesman God: Fine. He shall spend all of eternity burning in hell.
Joan: No, no, no, no, my dad's a really great guy.
Linesman God: I'm kidding. There's no penalty for turning me off. Hey, just because I speak doesn't mean anyone has to listen.

Little Girl God: You'd like to give me a slap, wouldn't you?
Joan: Yeah... but you're so cute.
Little Girl God: By the way, as an instrument of Me, have some pride. Do better. Do your best.
Joan: Now I'd like to slap you.

Joan: ...Oh, God.
Electrician God: Yes?
Joan: No, I was taking your name in vain, to be technical. Sorry.

Joan: Don't you have any friends that you could walk to school with?
Luke: Don't worry, they'll think I'm cool stylin' with my big sister. Oh, wait, you're worried that one of your friends will see us together... Oh, wait a minute, you don't have any friends.
Joan: And ironically you're still cramping my style.

"Joan of Arcadia: Pilot (#1.1)" (2003)
Cute Boy God: Let me explain something to you, Joan. It goes like this: I don't look like this. I don't look like anything you'd recognize. You can't see me. I don't sound like this. I don't sound like anything you'd recognize. You see, I'm beyond your experience. I take this form because you're comfortable with it, it makes sense to you. And if I'm "snippy" it's because you understand snippy. Do ya get it?
Joan: Sort of.
Cute Boy God: Good, 'cause I'm really not snippy. I've got a great personality. You'd like me.

Cute Boy God: How about you believe me if I agree to overlook that promise you didn't keep?
Joan: What promise?
Cute Boy God: Let's see. That you'd study hard, stop talking back, clean your room, and even go to church, if I recall, if I let your brother live.
Joan: [long pause] How did you know about that?
Cute Boy God: Omniscience. Look it up.
Joan: So, you let my brother live, and now you're here to... collect?
Cute Boy God: No. I don't bargain. That would be cruel.

Joan: Let's see a miracle.
Cute Boy God: How about that?
Joan: It's a tree.
Cute Boy God: Let's see you make one.

Joan: So you're a science geek, right?
Luke: I prefer "man of science'.

Cute Boy God: Joan, I need to talk to you.
Joan: Unless I'm missing something, we are talking.
Cute Boy God: I want to be honest.
Joan: Okay, who are you?
Cute Boy God: I saw you today.
Joan: Saw me where?
Cute Boy God: Outside of your house. Look, I didn't mean to scare you.
Joan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. That was you?
[He nods]
Joan: That guy was an old guy.
Cute Boy God: Okay, this is the difficult part. I don't always look the same.
Joan: What are you talking about? What do you want with me? 'Cause I'm gonna warn you, my dad's a cop. He's not just any cop he is *the* cop.
Cute Boy God: I know who your father is, Joan. He's Will Girardi, he's born September 4th, 1955, in Chicago. His father was Gerald Girardi, his mother was Elena Monroe. He had an uneventful childhood, attended Mother Cabrini high school, and Morten Junior College. After that he joined the police force in 1980. Then he met your mother, one Helen Brodie, she was an art school drop out. You're the middle child of three. About a year and a half ago your older brother, Kevin was in a car accident. Fractured his back, left him a paraplegic. You have one other brother, Luke, who's fifteen. Your favorite color's green, you love salt on cantaloupe, Jim Das broke your hear in eighth grade. And you're afraid of clowns.
Joan: Who are you?
Cute Boy God: I've known you since before you were born, Joan.
Joan: I'll ask you one more time.
Cute Boy God: I'm God.

Joan: [Joan sees Cute Boy God waiting for her] Hey, God! Get lost, I mean it.
Cute Boy God: I know you think you mean it.
Joan: You know, I'm going to give my father a full description and a composite drawing, you'll be booked before dark.
Cute Boy God: Maybe he'll be too busy thinking of creative ways to ground you for mouthing off in French class.
Joan: Are you spying on me?
Cute Boy God: I'm omniscient Joan, comes with the job.
Joan: Okay. So you're God?
Cute Boy God: Yes.
Joan: As in, God.
Cute Boy God: Right.
Joan: Old Testament, Tower of Babel, burning bush, Ten Commandments, God.
Cute Boy God: Well I come off a little friendlier in the New Testament and the Quran, but uh, yeah. Same God.
Joan: And I'm supposed to believe you because...?
Cute Boy God: Because you have a feeling.
Joan: No I don't.
[Joan turns and walks away]
Cute Boy God: How about you believe me if I agree to overlook that promise you didn't keep?
Joan: [Joan turns back around] What promise?
Cute Boy God: Let's see, that you'd study hard, stop talking back, clean your room, and even go to church, if I recall, if I let your brother live.
Joan: [Joan stares in silence, stunned by what she's just heard] How did you know about that?
Cute Boy God: Omniscience, look it up.
Joan: So you let my brother live, and now you're here to collect?
Cute Boy God: No, I don't bargain. That would be cruel.

Joan: Okay, so let's say you're God.
Cute Boy God: Thank you.
Joan: I wanna ask you some questions.
Cute Boy God: No.
Joan: No?
Cute Boy God: No, as a general rule, I ask questions.
Joan: Are you, are you being snippy with me? God is snippy.
Cute Boy God: Let me explain something to you, Joan. It goes like this: I don't look like this, I don't look like anything you'd recognize. You can't see me. I don't sound like this, I don't sound like anything you'd recognize. You see, I'm beyond your experience. I take this form because, you're comfortable with it, it makes sense to you. And if I'm *snippy*, it's because you understand snippy. You get it?
Joan: Sort of.
Cute Boy God: Good, because I'm really not snippy. I've got a great personality, you'd like me.
Joan: Well, I'm not religious you know.
Cute Boy God: It's not about religion, Joan. It's about fulfilling your nature.
Joan: Oh, I definitely haven't done that.
Cute Boy God: Exactly.
Joan: Well, let's, let's say you're God.
Cute Boy God: Joan, I *am* God.
Joan: Okay, well let's see a miracle.
Cute Boy God: Okay. How about that.
Joan: [Joan looks up] That's a tree.
Cute Boy God: Let's see you make one.

Joan: So, do you just go around appearing to people or...
Cute Boy God: Minor correction, I'm not appearing to you, you are seeing me.
Joan: Okay, fine.
[Joan continues staring at Him]
Joan: Is it kinda weird that I have a... crush on you?
Cute Boy God: I'm not gonna look like this the next time.
Joan: The next time?
Cute Boy God: I'm gonna be dropping in on you, Joan. Now and then.
Joan: Why?
Cute Boy God: Let's just say I need you to do some errands.
Joan: Why?
Cute Boy God: Do you notice how I'm not answering any of the "whys"? I want you to get a job, at the Skylight Bookstore. It's about three bus stops from here. Manager's name there is Sammy, now he's snippy. It's important you do this pretty soon.
[Joan opens her mouth to say something]
Cute Boy God: Don't ask why.
Joan: And if I say no. Am I gonna burst into flames?
Cute Boy God: [Cute Boy God laughs] Where do you people get this stuff? Have I ever made anybody burst into flames? Do as I ask. I'll see you around.

"Joan of Arcadia: Recreation (#1.13)" (2004)
[Friedman is looking at photos of Joan as a baby]
Friedman: Look at the legs on her.
Joan: Are those my baby pictures?
Grace Polk: Impressive use of fat.
Joan: This is a nightmare!

Adam: You're promoting intimacy.
Joan Girardi: They're my parents.
Adam: Well, what about us?
Joan Girardi: What about us?
Adam: What about us?
Joan Girardi: What *about* us?
Adam: What about...
Joan Girardi: Is it just me or is this going nowhere?

Liquor Store Clerk God: Joan, you did invite Adam?
Joan: Sure.
Liquor Store Clerk God: And he realizes you're inviting him?
Joan: As in a date?
Liquor Store Clerk God: Figure it out.
Luke: I'm sorry, he's approving your guest list?

Joan: God smokes?
Liquor Store Clerk God: I don't inhale.

Adam: Maybe I'm bad at stuff like this... but we kissed. It's not like I've kissed a lot of girls. Maybe I've only kissed one.
Joan Girardi: Right.
Adam: Well maybe it meant something to me.
Joan Girardi: Maybe it meant something to me, too.
Adam: I don't... I don't know what to do with it now.
Joan Girardi: [chuckles] Me neither.
Adam: Maybe it's like that anti-drug guy said, you know? Romantic love is like a mental illness. It just happens and then what are you gonna do?
Joan Girardi: Maybe we're just not ready.
Adam: Okay. I accept that. Were you ready for that other guy?
[Referencing God, whom Joan was dancing with at the party]
Joan Girardi: That's different.
[after a long pause]
Joan Girardi: Hey, wanna dance?

Cute Boy God: You wanna dance?
Joan: Can I say no?
Cute Boy God: Of course you can.
[Cute Boy God takes garbage from Joan and sets it down]
Cute Boy God: Come on.
[They begin slow dancing]
Cute Boy God: So how did you like your party?
Joan: I don't. What's the big idea?
Cute Boy God: The big idea is recreation. You know what that means?
Joan: Whatever.
Cute Boy God: Well let's break the word down, shall we. Re-create, to create again, begin again, to start over. People need to do that. Work is fine, but every now and then you got to take a break and recreate. Adam is confused.
Joan: Adam is always confused.
Cute Boy God: Okay, well you're introducing new levels of confusion.
Joan: I'm not ready to couple.
Cute Boy God: So tell him. Remember, recreation isn't about relaxing, it's about redefining.
Joan: Redefining what?
Cute Boy God: Whatever's become undefined.

"Joan of Arcadia: Bringeth It On (#1.6)" (2003)
Joan: Go Eagles, go eagles!/Go, go, go Eagles!/ We live to cheer/we're so sincere/unless you get in trouble/then we're out of here/It's such a royal pain when a friend gets arrested/How could I have known? How could I have guessed it?/It's not like she's my sister/whoops, is that my beeper?/Even if she were/am I my sister's keeper?/Sorry, gotta go/ Try-outs are today/Tell we'll think of her every time we say/ Go Eagles! Go Eagles!/ Go, go, go Eagles!/My name is Joan/this cheer is my own/so kiss my feathers/'cause this bird has flown.
[angrily mouths "thank you"]

Grace: Uh, I think I got better things to do than watch a bunch of cheerleaders flash their panties at brain-dead jocks.
Joan: Yeah, and, um, me, too. I have a big party I have to go to, so...
Adam: I would go if Jane was going, but...

Joan: Well I can't do any stunts. No, no, and how about the jumps? So, so. So why am I here, well it's really odd, but I'm here to cheer on a mission from God. So put me in the game or leave me on the bench, so you can go to heaven and I'll get out of French.

Adam: Oh, Jane, glad I caught you here. This is for good luck.
[Adam gives her a piece of art that looks like a cheerleader... Well, sort of]
Joan: Adam... Well, thank you, but I already tried out.
Adam: I missed it? No way, man.
Joan: Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's okay... Sorry, But thanks for the...
Adam: It's a cheerleader. You know, it's got the little hairy things.
Joan: Pompoms? Cool.
Adam: I can't believe I missed it, though. How'd it go?
Joan: Uh... well, ha ha. I can definitely say I'm not going to be a cheerleader.
Adam: Why not? They didn't like you?
Joan: Wow... I always thought you'd hate me if I was a cheerleader.
Adam: No way. Why?
Joan: 'Cause we're sub-defectives, and that would be like deserting the army or something.
Adam: Oh. No, I don't care if you're a cheerleader or sub-defective or whatever. I just like hanging out with you 'cause you're Jane.
Joan: Joan.

Homeless Man God: Be not afraid, Joan.
Joan: Be not afraid? What's with that?
Homeless Man God: Sometimes I like to sound old-timey.

"Joan of Arcadia: Touch Move (#1.3)" (2003)
Joan: Oh, is that the three-year-old kid who got kidnapped?
Will: Missing.
Joan: Ok, got missing. I read it in the newspaper. It said you guys have no leads and it's been like six weeks.
Will: Four Days, we have leads, and when did you start reading the paper?

Cute Boy God: Oh, Joan, it would have been so much easier if you just read the book. Now I'm gonna have to send you to the basement.
Joan: You mean like, Hell?
Cute Boy God: No, I mean, like, the basement. There's one in the school. Check it out.

Joan: Look, Grace, I'm really sorry.
Grace: Yeah, the taking of the sandwich is a symbolic act designed to avoid direct confrontation. Don't worry.

Joan: [to Grace] My dad's Italian. To him, a sandwich is like an opera.

Joan: [Joan sees Cute Boy God sitting on a school desk] What are you doing? You can't be here.
Cute Boy God: Hmm, and yet I am. Walk with me.
Joan: No. People are gonna see me.
Cute Boy God: Yes, they will. That optic nerve was an inspired idea, wasn't it?
Joan: I meant that they'll see you.
Cute Boy God: Yeah I've noticed that this looks turns a lot of heads.
Joan: It's called being hot.

"Joan of Arcadia: Drive, He Said (#1.10)" (2003)
Joan: I have to wash my hair!
Plumber/God: Well I'm God, my needs come first.

Joan: When... when do you plan on having sex?
Luke: Oh, at my first opportunity.

Joan: What are you? Some kind of Peeping Tom?
Luke: It's not my fault I have a... naturally quiet tread.

Joan: I'm not... pregnant.
Luke: Then why was there a pregnancy kit in the bathroom? Because *I'm* not pregnant and I'm pretty sure Kevin's not pregnant, which leaves...
Joan: Mom.
Luke: Okay, I'm an expert on probability, and given factors such as Mom's and Dad's ages, birth control, and the average frequency of sex after twenty-three...
Joan: [covering ears] Ewwwww!

"Joan of Arcadia: Out of Sight (#2.2)" (2004)
Joan: How do you deal with your dad being all into God?
Grace Polk: Sometimes I hide his yarmulke and watch him freak.

Joan: [to God] Look, it's over, okay? You're just going to have to adjust to that. Call up a friend and bitch about me on the phone if you need to, but you have to find someone else!

Joan: [as the paramedics work on Judith, Joan sees Cute Boy God walking towards her] Why are you letting this happen? Do something!
Cute Boy God: Keep your eyes open. It's all I asked.
[He walks away from her]
Joan: You're blaming me for this? No way are you blaming me!

"Joan of Arcadia: No Bad Guy (#1.17)" (2004)
Luke: Hey, guess what? Copernicus called, said the world doesn't revolve around you.
Joan: What a coincidence because the dork police called and said they want their leader back.
Kevin: It's official, I don't miss high school anymore.

Joan: Wait, what is this about?
Grace: Retribution, the oldest profession.
Joan: I thought that was farming.

Adam: Iris is a good person...
Joan: I know!... It... eck hem... It's just that her voice, it drives me crazy...
Adam: Its her real voice... It drives me crazy too...
Joan: But you love her.
Adam: I... I like her a lot.
Joan: And you want me to like her too...
Adam: No... But I want you to like me
Joan: Adam... I don't just like you...
Adam: Yeah... yeah me too... Good night, Jane.

"Joan of Arcadia: The Boat (#1.4)" (2003)
Joan: Adam will believe me.
Old Lady: Yes... but you don't know Adam that well yet. For example, you don't know how many burdens the boy is already carrying. And I'd like you to consider the possibility that it is you who should take on some of his burdens, not vice versa.
Joan: Adam has burdens?
Old Lady: Sometimes they look a lot like gifts.

Adam: Jane!
Joan: Go away, Adam.
Adam: How did you know it was me?
Joan: You're the only one who calls me "Jane".

"Joan of Arcadia: Dive (#2.11)" (2004)
Cute Boy God: [Cute Boy God approaches Joan in school hallway] Hi Joan.
Joan Girardi: [Group of passing girls hit on Him in the hall] Are girls always hitting you with that look?
[He smiles]
Joan Girardi: Oh they do. Hitting on God, that's gross.
Cute Boy God: I'd like you to do something that scares you.
Joan Girardi: Uh, lots of things scare me. You, actually, you scare me. Care to be a little bit more specific?
Cute Boy God: For me, that's pretty specific.
Joan Girardi: And I still can't ask why.
Cute Boy God: You can *ask*.

Joan Girardi: [Sees Cute Boy God in the hall] You really are omnipresent, aren't you.
Cute Boy God: I get around. What your brother did, took a lot of guts.
Joan Girardi: Yeah well, I had my doubts there. Right up til the end.
Cute Boy God: Everyone does. Fear is very powerful, it paralyzes people. They don't see the value in it.
Joan Girardi: In being terrified? No, we don't, because we're not insane.
Cute Boy God: But you saw Luke. How happy he was. He found that other half of his life that he wanted. You think that would've happened if he kept running from what he was afraid of?
Joan Girardi: Okay! Okay, I'll suit up and dive.
Cute Boy God: I never said you had to dive.
Joan Girardi: Hello, you've been all over me about this. What about the dreams?
[Referring to dreams about Judith at the pool]
Cute Boy God: The dreams weren't about the high board, Joan.
[Joan sighs]
Cute Boy God: You know that.

"Joan of Arcadia: Double Dutch (#1.16)" (2004)
Joan: [to Mascot God] Bite me, big bird.

Joan: [referring to her new friend, Casper, a homeless inner-city kid who suddenly left without saying goodbye] What a cop-out! You get me all wrapped up in her life, and now you're not even going to tell me what happened to her?
Double Dutch Girl: [speaking as God] The connection you and Casper had - you think that's gone just because she went away? Is your connection with Adam gone just because he's with Iris? Real connections - they can't be broken by time or space.
Joan: I wanted to help her. I - I wanted to get her a place, get her dad a job.
Double Dutch Girl: You can't fix everything, Joan.
Joan: She's my friend. I want to know what's going to happen to her.
Double Dutch Girl: I know you do. But, sometimes, it's enough to plant the seed, walk away, and let the flower grow on its own.

"Joan of Arcadia: The Uncertainty Principle (#1.11)" (2003)
Joan: [to Grace] You didn't tell him, did you?
Grace: I don't need to. You asked Steve Ramesy to the semi-formal. That's like a CNN headline.

Joan: [Joan is in the hallway of her school. God appears as an older woman selling cupcakes for the soccer team] You're getting really good at showing up when nobody needs you.
Old Lady God: Well, now, that's your opinion.
Joan: So what do you want me to fail at this time?
Old Lady God: Now what makes you think you failed? You did exactly what I asked you to do: you observed.
Joan: Hmm! And what good did that do anybody? Ramsey's going to jail, Adam hates me even more...
Old Lady God: Observation is a more powerful force than you could possibly reckon. The invisible, the overlooked, and the unobserved are those that are most in danger of reaching the end of the spectrum. They lose the last of their light. From there, anything can happen.
Joan: Okay. Fine, I observed Ramsey, his life is still ruined.
Old Lady God: His life wasn't the only one at stake.
Joan: What do you mean?
Old Lady God: [Starts pointing out different students in the hallway] There's Laura Eason, ninth grader. She plays the flute. She would have been one of the first to go...
[gunshot sound]
Old Lady God: coming out of Orchestra at the wrong time. And Andrew Bayer: he would have tried to save his friend Lawrence DiStasi and lost his life.
[two gunshots]
Old Lady God: And Gavin Price.
Old Lady God: And three other students in the cafeteria. And Mr. Harvey. And Ms. Schmidt in the library. And finally, Steve Ramsey himself. And for each of these faces Joan, there are twelve more whose lives would have come to an end today - lives altered forever by you. By the simple effect of being present, by entering the light, by joining the dance.
[Joan wipes away a tear]

"Joan of Arcadia: Night without Stars (#1.15)" (2004)
Joan: You didn't answer my question.
Concession Stand Worker God: I don't answer questions, sweetpea. And this you know.
Joan: But I gave you a dollar!

Joan: [sighs] The way I felt about Iris - it was so ugly. Why would you put those feelings in me?
Little Girl God: Everyone has a part of themselves they don't like, Joan. We carry it around like a weight. The lucky ones realize that when it becomes too heavy, you can choose to set it down. That's when you can see things the way they really are.

"Joan of Arcadia: Only Connect (#2.1)" (2004)
Joan: You hurt me, really bad. Why should I trust you again?
Cute Boy God: Why did you ever?
Joan: Look we had some good times, and I'm fine with You, ya know being the Divine 'It.' But I don't want to see You anymore. It's not You, it's me. I'm just, I'm not the girl for you. I had a taste of normal, and I really liked it. You know, I really enjoyed being optimistic, and making my lamps.
Cute Boy God: [after Joan refuses to talk to Him or believe He's real] Don't you miss me a little?
Joan: [lying] No.
[whispers after a long pause]
Joan: Please go.
Cute Boy God: Don't you miss yourself? Because I do.

Cute Boy God: You know I'm real, Joan. You've always known, you're not crazy. Then you got chance to see what it really looks like. Crazy is destructive, it tears down. I'm all about building up.
Joan: Then I suggest you take up carpentry.
Cute Boy God: What do you think this is all about?
Joan: Uh, you I suppose.
Cute Boy God: It's a creation, Joan. It's not a destruction. And that's what I want you to do. I want you to be creative, I want you to build things.
Joan: I build lamps!
Cute Boy God: Relationships, possibilities, connections.
[Pulls a book from His jacket pocket]
Cute Boy God: Look, have you read this?
Joan: You stole that!
Cute Boy God: Well, technically everything's mine.

"Joan of Arcadia: Trial and Error (#2.19)" (2005)
Joan: I believed in him.
God: I know. That's what makes it hurt so much.
Joan: What did I do to deserve this?
God: Nothing. This isn't punishment Joan it's simply part of being alive. Of being involved, of loving.
Joan: Yeah I'm not doing that anymore, I am NEVER doing that again.
God: I know how painful this is but what you and Adam had was beautiful too and it was every bit as real as the pain you're feeling now. You experienced how deeply two people can be connected.
Joan: So what do I learn, when someone I trust destroys all that? Huh? Maybe it was never real maybe you're not even real. You know this whole morality thing right and wrong it's all just junk. We're all just animals taking what we want.
God: You know what innocence is Joan?
Joan: You know I don't want mock trial right now!
God: Well it's more than an absence of guilt it's having faith that there's goodness in the face of cruelty and pain. Some place you still feel that way, that's me and I'll always be there for you.

"Joan of Arcadia: Vanity, Thy Name Is Human (#1.21)" (2004)
Joan Girardi: Power to the pimple!

"Joan of Arcadia: Silence (#1.23)" (2004)
Joan: I thought we were going with monotheism.
Twin-Girl God: I'm impressed you know what that is.
Joan: Why are you torturing me? And don't say I'm torturing myself.
Twin-Girl God: Sometimes it's hard to believe what you see, so you have to trust the world behind your eyes,
Joan: There's a world behind my eyes? Great, because this one isn't enough trouble.
Twin-Girl God: People manage to believe in me, even though they have no idea what I am, they trust me even in the silence.
Joan: OK. Can you take care of the rash and the barfing? Save the haiku for another time.
[Twin-Girls combine into one]
Joan: Very Matrix.
Twin-Girl God: Go to the doctor. You're sick.

"Joan of Arcadia: Jump (#1.12)" (2004)
Helen Girardi: [reading Adam's mom's suicide note] "Dearest boy, my Adam. I dreamed a dream, you and I facing each other in a tiny yellow boat on green water under a blue sky. Me and my son and a yellow boat. And we laugh, and the boat rocks and the ripples spread from the boat to pond to sea to sky and nothing can stop them, and nothing ever will. When you think of me, Adam, know that in a world of pain, you were, and always will be my joy. Love, Mom."
Adam Rove: Thank you.
Joan Girardi: The ripples were good!

"Joan of Arcadia: Shadows and Light (#2.17)" (2005)
Dog Walker: [In response to Joan's question about Judith dying] You know, there's an old riddle... a man is walking across a bridge with three pieces of gold...
Joan: NO! No, I don't want a riddle! Just...
Dog Walker: [Ignoring her] And the bridge can only handle 120 pounds. He weighs 118 pounds, and each piece of gold weighs three pounds. So, how does he...
Joan: I know! I know! I've heard it! The guy juggles! He juggles the gold so the bridge doesn't fall!
Dog Walker: Then that's what you have to do, Joan... Just juggle.

"Joan of Arcadia: Requiem for a Third Grade Ashtray (#1.18)" (2004)
Joan: Are you there, God? It's me, Joan... and you suck!

"Joan of Arcadia: Just Say No (#1.5)" (2003)
Adam: He just wants to make fun of my stuff.
Joan: No, he seems sincere.
Adam: Rockin' insight, Jane.
[Adam walks off in a huff. Obviously upset]
Joan: Did I just miss something?
Grace: Uh, Clay Fisher just flirted with you. Adam Rove is all about you. Dramatic tension ensued. Were you born without a radar?

"Joan of Arcadia: State of Grace (#1.14)" (2004)
Joan: [being wanded] What? I didn't set off any alarm! So unless you want to sentence me to death for possession of Gummi Bears, I would like to go to class.
Security Guard God: You seem very upset, Joan. Take a breath.
Joan: Fascist God?

"Joan of Arcadia: Death Be Not Whatever (#1.7)" (2003)
Cute Boy God: Remember me?
Joan Girardi: Why all the familiar looks? Doing the greatest hits, or are you getting a little pleased with yourself?
Cute Boy God: You see me the way you want to see me, Joan. Like right now, you're mad at me... maybe you feel safer being mad at me when I look like this.
Joan Girardi: You have a lot to answer for, buddy! No one asks to be born!... So we all get to die, and then everyone we love dies?
Cute Boy God: Yeah.
Joan Girardi: And... and that's good for you?
Cute Boy God: Joan, there's nothing about death that I can say that would make sense to you.
Joan Girardi: A lot of what happens here really sucks, so much for your... perfect system... Can you see me being really mad at you right now?
Cute Boy God: Yes.
Joan Girardi: Why does it have to be so hard?
Cute Boy God: What specifically?
Joan Girardi: Being alive, let's start there.
Cute Boy God: You wish you weren't alive?
Joan Girardi: No! I... I don't know. I wish... it didn't... hurt so much.
Cute Boy God: It hurts because you feel it, Joan... because you're alive. You love people, that generates a lot of power, a lot of energy. The same kind of energy that binds atoms together, we've all seen what happens when you try to pry them apart.
Joan Girardi: So, if I don't get attached to people then... it won't hurt so much?
Cute Boy God: No, it's in your nature to get attached to people, I put that in the recipe. It's when you guys try to ignore that... when you try to go it alone, that's when it gets ugly. It's hell.
Cute Boy God: It's Hell? Like the Hell?